Love Connections From our House to your Home
WINTER 2014
THE TRUTH DOES SET ONE FREE Marriage and Family have been in the news lately, especially with the Extraordinary Synod on the Family and the HUMANUM Colloquium having just ended. When we don’t understand what is being talked about there tends to be much confusion about the hot button issues of divorce, homosexuality, remarriage and communion. As we have seen, so much confusion can lead to fear and even despair. Yes, once again we, as a Church, are rushing to find solutions for the aftermath, instead of realizing the easiest solution is always prevention. Why don’t we give couples what they need to know before they face difficult times? We propose that the primary efforts should be focused on marriage prep and marriage enrichment which will provide couples with the information and practical tools they will need throughout the different ages and stages of their marriage. In short, we need to supply them with the TRUTH about marriage. There are many ways in which these truths can be communicated starting at the family level and going out to the larger parish community: 1. By intentionally teaching our children the human virtues necessary to live with integrity. 2. By helping parents create a personal formation plan for each of their children taking into account their intelligence, their will and their affectivity. 3. By effectively reaching out with programs that present the teachings of the Church in an attractive and personal way. 4. By having well formed and trained mentor couples in the parish who will work one-on-one both in Marriage Prep and in Marriage Enrichment.
From our experience in working with more than 2000 couples since the founding of The Alexander House the tools that are most necessary are: • A true understanding of what it means to be a gift to one another. • The reasons behind the teachings of the Church on matters of Human Sexuality • A practical way of putting the human virtues into practice in marriage by serving each other. • A better grasp of the importance of forgiveness and mercy in Marriage • Practical resources to enhance better communication and conflict solving skills Sixteen years ago the situation in our marriage was bleak and hopeless because we thought we had tried all the options available to erase the damage we had caused each other by engaging in behaviors such as materialism, power struggles, and disregard for each other’s feelings. In short we had thrown God out and subscribed to the ideals of the world and our selfishness was the main culprit. Everything, and I do mean everything, was about what we wanted, and in some ways what we felt we deserved from life. We made decisions independently, without consulting each other, decisions that would have serious consequences. But it was okay because it was what I wanted at the time. We lived in two separate cities and justified it by saying that the better paying job was for the good of the family, when the reality was that with this arrangement we did not have to see each other every day. The money, the trips and the stuff in our lives were our gods and our faith was something that we inherited, more and more it became something we DID instead of who we were, and we definitely didn’t see the role it
should play in our lives. In fact, our relationship with God was relegated to our Sunday visits when we checked in to fulfill our Sunday OBLIGATION. We did everything wrong you could do in a marriage and yet the answer was lying there dormant in the depths of our souls covered up by the stuff – professional ambitions, etc.- that consumed our lives. Climbing the “Corporate Ladder” while neglecting anything that stood in the way of that success. Sacrificing family time and weekends for the network marketing meeting of the next “up and coming company” that was sure to make us financially independent. When those ventures repeatedly failed us, we both decided to turn to other people hoping those relationships would bring lasting happiness. This of course was a disaster, one that would eventually bring us to our knees and help us realize that this situation which could describe as being “the nail in the coffin” actually became the very means for the salvation and redemption of our marriage. Sound familiar? The answer to our problems was Truth. Not just the truths found in the teachings of the Catholic Church, but Truth himself, Jesus Christ. Through the intervention of the Holy Spirit we met a good and holy priest who was willing to challenge us to find out what God had planned for marriage. We started to read the Bible, the Catechism and the Documents of the Church on Marriage and Family; what we discovered left us thirsting for more. When we understood we were created by God, for His purpose, our hearts cried out for the mercy we so desperately needed. We had an instant revelation that what we selfishly wanted for ourselves as individuals was not the point, but we were here to sacrifice our desires for the sake of the other. There is something mysterious
THE TRUTH DOES SET ONE FREE (CONT… ) about this approach, because as we began to focus on the righteous needs of each other we both became fulfilled. But I must say that God became the center around which everything in our lives revolved. God is LOVE and when we live marriage according to His design there is a grace that allows us to live it to the fullest. However, there is a general misunderstanding that the mere fact of getting married in the Church makes the grace of the sacrament immediately available and we fail to understand that there has to be a cooperation with God on our part. Until this happens, we are not disposed to receive the full abundance of grace God wants to give us, and because God respects our freedom so much, He will not give us more than we are willing to receive. And guess what? We experience difficulties as a result! That is exactly what is supposed to happen when we turn our backs on God and live our plan for marriage versus His plan. But to do this and turn the tides we must first learn what God’s plan for marriage is and then live it. A good way to start, which worked for us and still
does, is coming together in prayer on a daily basis. Not only reciting the rote prayers of our Catholic faith, but by sharing, in the presence of God, the joy, pain and hope that are in our hearts. After we discovered the truths about chastity and sexuality and began living them in our marriage we discovered a redemption we didn’t think was possible. Through our selfishness and fear we made our own plan, we got a vasectomy because we did not want any more children. This caused a domino effect of selfishness and our hearts were closed. When we decided to follow God’s plan and went for a vasectomy reversal the grace was there to give us the ability to forgive each other for the hurt and pain of the past. We rediscovered what it meant to be open to life and we began proclaiming our joy from the roof tops, so much joy that we now have 7 children who fill our lives with joy! This joy in discovering God’s absolutely perfect plan for human love led us to respond to the call to create an apostolate to share these gifts with others. We created and began presenting a marriage workshop, that we still present today, in which we help couples understand God’s plan for marriage, His plan for chastity in marriage
and some basic tips on communication and forgiveness. We have discovered that too many times we communicate our wants and desires to our spouses but we fail to listen to theirs and we end up being totally self-centered. We need to learn that in any relationship the key to love is service by taking the words of Jesus to heart: “I came to serve, not to be served.” With this information couples start focusing on each other and find fulfillment. We must understand that in marriage we were given to each other as a gift from God to learn to love how He loves and to experience His love in and through each other. In God’s infinite wisdom He made us to be each other’s helpmates and just as Gaudium et Spes clearly states , man and woman can “…fully discover their true selves only in sincere self-giving.” (GS 24) So, why do we continue to look for solutions, when Christ has already given us the way? Jesus then said to those Jews who believed in him, “If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31
GIVING BACK FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE Nothing happens by chance in the providence of God, so when He brought Greg and Julie into our lives at a Life in the Spirit seminar we knew it had to be for a reason.
and common practice, we seem to have lost the understanding of the seriousness of marriage. When things get tough, that’s time to cling to God, the Word, and each other.
We had just found out our daughter and her husband were struggling in their marriage and although “everybody” supported their decision to get a divorce, we knew there was a better way… and Greg and Julie were God’s way of affirming our decision to help them to not give up on their marriage.
The Alexander’s have taught us so much more than we ever could have imagined. We have been truly blessed by having them in our lives and I thank God every day that my heart was softened, to listen to God’s calling.
“I did not believe counselling would do us any good, there was to much pain, too much distress and too much mistrust… little di I know that God can make all things new. Meeting with Greg opened our eyes to God’s plan for Marriage. We now understand the covenant of marriage. It is not a promise, or a contract, or an agreement, nor is it temporary. It is a covenant, and covenants are NOT to be broken. In today’s society where divorce is the easy answer
Our marriage is healed! We are now more in love with each other than we ever thought possible. Thank you, Greg and Julie.” Jonathon and Christina Cotton We ask you… wouldn't you give ANYTHING to bring HOPE to a family and spare a loved one from the devastating pain of divorce? We support The Alexander House knowing that every marriage deserves a chance . Will you join us in BUILDING A CUTURE OF MARRIAGE?
THE TRUE MEANING OF STEWARSDSHIP: PARTNERS FOR MARRIAGE WILL AND MARY 2
CELEBRATE MARRIAGE: THE DIVINE TRUTH The 2014 Alexander House Benefit Dinner had a decidedly masculine flair, with the stars of the show being a Super Bowl Champion and a 16th century martyr. It is so important to highlight the essential role that a man plays in a home, even as our culture tries to render them incompetent or altogether unnecessary. Former Baltimore Ravens center Matt Birk gave a heartfelt testimony in which he stated, “When you reach the gates of Heaven and God asks you who you brought along, you had better be able to turn around and have your wife and kids with you.” Despite his luminous accomplishments, including Harvard graduate, former player for the Minnesota Vikings as well as the Ravens, Super Bowl Champion and current employee of the National Football League, he considers his greatest roles to be that of “Catholic, Husband, and Father”. Mr. Birk graciously arrived early and stayed late visiting with everyone and posing for pictures. Particular attention was also given to the patron saint of The Alexander House, St. Thomas More. A happily married man and trusted advisor of King Henry VIII, he nonetheless accepted execution rather than sign the document that would render marriage disposable.
Participants were encouraged to consider his great sacrifice and witness as we discern how we, too, can stand up for the indissolubility of the sacrament. The feminine side was not to be outdone, however, as the hall was transformed into a decidedly elegant space through color, floral arrangements, and opportunities to shop at the silent auction. Volunteers abounded as they prepared a VIP reception, raffle tickets, live and silent auctions, and more. Greg and Julie shared with the 440 people in attendance the myriad of programs that The Alexander House offers to support marriage including (but not limited to) Covenant of Love, Marriage Disciples, Healing Hearts, and Faith and Wine, Homes of Virtue. Every year, participation in the dinner has grown, thanks in large part to word of mouth enthusiasm and a treasured new outreach of The Alexander House - San Antonio Marriage Initiative. The Holy Spirit is surely pleased with the ecumenism that is growing among His children as we come together to spread the beauty, goodness, and truth of Marriage. Thanks also go to our amazing sponsors and donors, without whom this could not be accomplished. Your generosity is known to us all, but reaps rewards in Heaven that are as yet unseen by you. The saving of even one marriage – one family – one child – has value that is eternally immeasurable. Work has already begun on the 2015 dinner, as well as all of the great programs and events that The Alexander House will be unveiling through the next few months. Stay tuned, stay involved, and most importantly, please keep The Alexander House Apostolate covered in your protection prayers as they courageously continue this very important mission.
THANK YOU! We could not have done it without you! PLATINUM SPONSOR Cheryl Remmert In memory of husband Travy GOLD SPONSOR Cycle Rider, Inc. SILVER SPONSOR Alamo Heights Collision Dignity Women’s Center Smith Print/Red Door Solutions Leo Daniel Foundation PJ and Carol Fleming Dr. Matthew & Rocio Gibbs BRONZE SPONSOR San Antonio Marriage Initiative Bell Environmental Inc. Billy & Suzie Vaughn/North Park Lincoln Laudadio Polymers The Law Office of Deffenbaugh & Lange Jana’l Wholesale SAFA/Von Dohlen Knuffke Financial Group Mr. and Mrs. Frank Peterson Mr. and Mrs. Richard Menchaca Mr. and Mrs. David Matlock ST. THOMAS MORE SCHOLARSHIP Joey Villareal / Blue Star Brewery Sam & Karen Mitts
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The Alexander House Apostolate P.O. Box 592107 San Antonio, TX 78259
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Love Connections is the official newsletter of THE ALEXANDER HOUSE APOSTOLATE (TAHA) a 501(c)(3) organization Printing provided by Smith Print of San Antonio (www.smithprint.net)