Love Connections From our House to your Home
SPRING 2014
TAHA KEEPS GROWING… THANKS TO YOU! Growth takes time, trust, and a willingness to follow the Lord no matter where He takes you. At The Alexander House we are constantly amazed at the things God does when we strive to do His will. For almost 15 years, the ministry Julie and Greg founded in appreciation to God for having saved them from what seemed a sure divorce has been slowly but steadily growing. We know there's still much to do and that we must never become too comfortable, thinking our work is finished. However, we have some very good news to share with you. Thanks to a very generous anonymous donor at our benefit dinner in November 2013, we were able to bring a full time Director of Covenant of Love onboard --Steve Pokorny, who has been a blessing to the Alexander House family. Among Steve's many responsibilities, he has the duty of acting as a liaison between our partner parishes and the home office. His position is vital to ensuring our partners receive the care and attention they deserve by addressing any questions or concerns they may have. This is especially valuable for those new partners who are unfamiliar with how to implement Covenant of Love successfully in their parish. His creative attentiveness also provides the opportunity for other projects to be developed and offered to parishes and individual couples, allowing The Alexander House to further its mission of building a culture of marriage. We're happy to report we now have 5 couples trained as Marriage Disicples and are working very hard at walking with those couples who come to us in need of strengthening and rebuilding their relationships. It's been a long and slow process, but we're
working diligently to streamline it so many more couples who are willing to serve the Lord by serving others will have the training and tools they need to proclaim the beauty, goodness, and truth of God’s plan for Marriage. For a long time we have been aware of the need to not only have good faithful Catholic therapists to whom to refer our clients in case of need, but also someone who can take care of them at the home office. We are very grateful to have Angel Estrada volunteering with us as our in-house counselor. He brings with him many years of experience, a vast amount of knowledge, a passion for the Faith, and a true sense of compassion for all those whose lives he touches. Not all work is limited to the office; our team has also been keeping busy, giving talks wherever there is a need to hear the Good News about Marriage and Family. In the past months, Greg and Julie have visited more than 25 parishes all around the country: Kentucky in January, Michigan in February, with Texas in between, and finally a long tour in California in March. At this pace who knows when they'll be home! Steve has shared his passion for Love and Life giving talks at different events throughout the Archdiocese of San Antonio. At the March for Life in Del Rio, he was the keynote speaker, in February he was invited to give a Confirmation retreat at Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Selma, and returned again in March to talk to the middle school students about the beauty of the vocation of Marriage. At the University of the Incarnate Word he challenged students to learn “How to Have an Awesome Love Life.”
Lauren Alexander, who besides being Julie’s right hand in the Alexander home, is also our Director of Communications. She has been very busy learning all about social media and keeping our Facebook friends and Twitter followers up to date with our activities and latest news. She was recently invited to give a talk to young girls on the importance of taking care of themselves and the dignity they have as beloved daughters of God. The response she received was overwhelming, so much so that many of the girls who heard her testimony are asking her to mentor them. Our Director of Operations, Graciela, runs the office behind the scenes but also finds time to share her passion for the Truth wherever there is a need. She was invited to give a talk on the importance of Virtues in the Family to the parents of Confirmation students at St. John the Evangelist, as well as a talk about Marriage and Love to both parents and Confirmandis at Our Lady of Guadalupe in Helotes, TX. Graciela has also given various talks to the Comunidad de Matrimonios at Holy Trinity Catholic Church, and we're happy to announce that they will soon be the first official Covenant of Love Spanish partner parish. All of this would be impossible without the blessing of our amazing team of volunteers who are willing to share their time and friendship with us. Thank you, to all of you! “ Remain
in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.” (John 15:1-5)
THROUGH THE DESERT FOR MARRIAGE Once again we headed out on the Great Marriage Challenge and as it has been an all previous tours the way to the West Coast was not without opposition; winding our way up the steep hills of the grey and jagged edged mountains of Devils Canyon proved to be no easy task. When we finally made it to the “other side” of the mountain the descent brought on another challenge as we experienced our first blow-out while heading for Murrieta, CA. This actually gave us some time for reflection as we waited for road-side assistance to arrive. After an hour or so of waiting a white truck pulled up like a knight in shining armor and a kind gentleman proceeded to fix our flat. To our amazement this angel in disguise had only one tire on his truck and it happened to be the exact size we needed. Coincidence? I think not!
God allowed us to experience this season of Lent in a practical way as our Great Marriage Challenge took us to the (arch)dioceses of San Francisco and Oakland, San Jose and Santa Rosa. Ed Hopfner, the Director of Marriage and Family Life Office for the Archdiocese of San Francisco and Mimi Streett, the Director of Marriage and Family Life Office for the Diocese of Oakland, filled our calendars with Marriage on Fire presentations and Enjoy Your Marriage workshops which resulted in getting us in front of more than 1,000 people. For us this meant praying for these couples, offering up our sacrifice and penance for them and trusting God to provide for our needs during this time. Our California mission began with a presentation at St Patrick’s Seminary in Menlo Park, CA where there were several priests and 75 seminarians in attendance. Not only was their response to the beauty of Marriage amazing, we later discovered many of them became the most avid promoters for our subsequent talks as
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couples came up and attributed their being there to the invitations of these priests and seminarians. The next 15 days and 17 presentations were filled with hungry souls and hurting hearts of couples who were in need of help and hope for their marriages. Everywhere we went we received an overwhelming response, which made very evident there are many couples who have been yearning for not just the information but for a practical way to live out their sacrament of marriage. As always, God turned water into wine and there were many healings and miracles.
Because no one can out-do God in generosity we were blessed by having the pleasure to meet with Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone. He is the Chairman for the Subcommittee for the promotion and Defense of Marriage for the USCCB, and has been doing an amazing job in explaining the need for strong marriages. In our conversation we shared the reality that the best defense for marriage is to get people who said “I Do” to live it well and to be an attractive sign of God’s love to others. He truly is a Shepherd looking out for the flock that God has entrusted to him.
Talk after talk individuals and couples flooded our inbox with stories of hope and love that had been rekindled. Some couples shared the devastation they were experiencing and how they were hanging on by their last thread. After a talk one couple in particular, exclaimed, “We have our divorce papers signed and we came here tonight as a last ditch effort”. Julie invited them to the upcoming Enjoy Your Marriage workshop and chided, “Come spend the day with us on Saturday and bring your divorce papers with you so we can set them on fire”. After the workshop, we are overjoyed to report, the couple made the decision to continue to work on their marriage. One participant emailed thanking us for the wonderful marriage workshop on Saturday saying “I seriously
With all the blessings God has showered on us we can honestly say that the highlight of the tour was being able to meet face-to-face with the couples that have been hosting Date Night at their parishes, who through their willingness to serve other couples they have made a difference for marriage; we heard several testimonies that because of the Parish partnering with Covenant of Love and having Date Night a number of people did not leave the Catholic Church, there is no doubt the Truth really sets us free. Several Parishes have the desire to become Covenant of Love partners and the requests are already coming in for our return to assist the Diocese in spreading God’s plan for marriage.
could have continued all evening listening to you. You have such a special gift. When we got home I had the biggest smile on my face and my husband asked me: "What are you so happy about?" and I responded: "What do you mean? There is HOPE." At times I have been feeling hopeless and wanted to give up. This weekend at least gave me hope. I know there is a lot of work ahead of us and I hope that once the excitement dies down a little we will still be able to continue on the right path and not a path of destruction.” Distance was the common thread in most of the couples but the daylong workshops seemed to resurrect their love for one another as they embraced and prayed to God for an intention or a thanksgiving in their marriage. We are always amazed to witness the many miracles right before our very eyes.
The tour was very fruitful, to say the least, from the meeting with Ignatius Press with plans to collaborate in a project for marriage in the near future to the couples who turned their hearts over to God and allowed Him to be the center of their marriage once again, or for many, for the first time. As always, our mission was to feed the hungry and lead them to the understanding that God is the Creator of marriage and when we live it by His design we can experience the joy He intended. In this Easter Season we look forward with great anticipation for the resurrection of marriage. Alleluia!! He is Risen!!
Greg and Julie Alexander
MAKING A DIFFERENCE There is nothing that makes us happier than to share His Good News with you. Hi Greg and Julie, I wanted to take a few moments to tell you how thankful we are for your ministry. We are a part of our monthly COL team at St Joseph Honey Creek and this past October were on the team for our parish couples retreat. We came to your Enjoy Your Marriage workshop on Aug 31 in San Antonio to help give us some ideas for the forgiveness presentation we were to give in October at the couples retreat. Well, God had bigger plans for us! We got so much out of every aspect of the day. Every single activity spoke to us and we completed them to the fullest. One of the things that really came through for us was that we had been using contraception for 10 years, since our daughter was born. I had always wanted more kids but my husband did not and I, alone, was never able to convince him to change his mind. During your talk about this and then the many activities that followed my husband's heart was changed so drastically he wanted me to go off contraception and begin trying to conceive. Well, I am happy to tell you that due to God's work through your wonderful ministry we are 10 weeks pregnant! And to top it off, we have been blessed with not one but 2 babies to love! Thank you both so very much for your dedication to your ministry. It is truly transforming marriages!
BEING WILLING TO DO THE RIDICULOUS! If you really think about it, God is all about proving that the ridiculous is possible when you trust Him; for it is ridiculous to think that a young teenage girl could be visited by an angel, conceive a child immaculately, and the child become the Savior of the world. And yet, we have Mary. It is ridiculous to think that a Polish actor could become one of the greatest popes and saints of all time, and almost single-handedly demolish communism in Europe. And yet, we have Blessed Pope John Paul II. It is ridiculous to think that a Poor Clare nun could go from selling fishing tackle to creating an international television network. And yet, we have Mother Angelica. It is ridiculous to think that two successful people in the corporate world, married to their careers more than each other, could tell their children that they are divorcing, find God, give up their incomes, become homeless and sleep on friends’ couches; all because they
suddenly felt called to improve the state of marriage in the world without doctorates or credentials. And yet, we have Greg and Julie. We are inviting you to jump aboard the ridiculous train with us. For we have learned that God calls simple, ordinary people to do His work, and to share in His plan. He asks us to detach ourselves from what is safe, comfortable, worldly, budgetable, and to be willing to have RADICAL faith that we are being called to something beyond our knowledge and capabilities. It all started when we were planning the first benefit dinner and we felt called to help out...because we believe in MARRIAGE; but God had a different idea for us. As we left the committee meeting, a number entered my head. A shocking, frightening number since we were just starting our business. But, it wouldn’t leave me. I started heating up, burning to say this “In order for God to do the miraculous, you must be willing to do the ridiculous.” MOTHER ANGELICA
number out loud, but also afraid to do so. It was a RIDICULOUS thing to consider. I turned to Rob, whom I was sure would bring me back to reality and let us think of something more appropriate that we could give to the mission. But the Holy Spirit must have been speaking to him, too, because he said YES. Rob went further than yes. He knew that if we slept on it, we’d come to our senses and wouldn’t go through with it. So, that night – at 11pm, surely waking up the other person on the phone – we committed. And then we felt peace. It was right after saying yes and making that call that we felt something else. God told us He cannot be outdone in generosity, and we would be paid back many times over. We have... So please join us in do THE RIDICULOUS...HELP GOD save a marriage by your financial support!
THE TRUE MEANING OF STEWARSDSHIP: PARTNERS FOR MARRIAGE ROB AND CAMILLE
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EASTER 2014 What can you do to RESURRECT your Marriage ?
1. Build each other up. 2. Be specially attentive to each other’s needs. 3. Pray together daily. 4. Be thankful for the small things you do for each other. 5. Make time to go out on a weekly date.
MADE FOR EACH OTHER Join Greg and Julie every Wednesday from 11 to 12 CT on the Guadalupe Radio Network as they discuss: Love, Relationships and Marriage We would love to have you as our guest so give us a call: (877) 211-3853 or send your questions/comments/ suggestions to: radioshow@thealexanderhouse.org
GIRLS NIGHT OUT: MAY 30 w/ SALLY ROBB @ OUR LADY OF GRACE COUPLES NIGHT OUT: SEPTEMBER 5 w/ FR. KEN GERACI (FATHERS OF MERCY) BENEFIT DINNER: THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6 w/ MATT BIRK
IF YOU ARE IN SAN ANTONIO OR WANT TO JOIN US…Save
the date!
From devastation to hope...Lauren’s story As every other little girl in the world, I imagined having the perfect fairy tale life I read about in books and watched in movies. I thought my life was that way, after all I did have parents who loved each other more than anything, who were very supportive of me and my brother, we had everything we could ask for, and our perfect family showed up happily to church together every Sunday. I thought that the love and bond between our family was a bond that could never be broken. But the devastating fact is that my life was far from perfect…I can still remember, with a knot in my stomach, the day my parents told me they did not love each other anymore and wanted to get a divorce. I felt alone, scared, hopeless, worthless, and wondered if maybe it was my fault or if there was anything I could do to fix our family. But I could not; only God could do that. Chris and I clung to each other because the adults in our life were letting us down. The reality is that our culture has taught us to be so consumed with our SELVES that we fail to realize our everyday choices have a deep and lasting effect on our children. Because our families are supposed to be “schools of love and life” it is there that we learn and understand the love and mercy of
God by what our parents teach us through their relationship. When we see our parents giving up on each other we have no choice, but to wonder who we are, where we come from, and what our identity is. The confusion in my parents love for each other left a confusion of love in my life and kept me searching for years, until I unexpectedly hit rock bottom. No, children are NOT doing fine when their parents are not. Today, I can joyfully say that through God’s mercy, my parents transformed their marriage and through their journey have helped me understand God’s love and mercy in my life. I am asking you, on behalf of the many children that are going through the pain and hopelessness that Chris and I went through to, please join The Alexander House in helping couples discover the beauty, goodness and truth of God’s plan for marriage by giving hope to marriage for our future. To partner with us CLICK HERE.
Love Connections is the official newsletter of THE ALEXANDER HOUSE APOSTOLATE (TAHA) a 501(c)(3) organization
Printing provided by Smith Print of San Antonio (www.smithprint.net)
Church in the Bay Area Works to Strengthen Marriages and Help Hurting Couples by SUSAN KLEMOND 03/10/2014 SAN FRANCISCO — In a city with a reputation for homosexual activism, San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, one of the architects of California’s Proposition 8, considers supporting couples in the sacrament of matrimony a higher priority than repealing same-sex “marriage” laws. Proposition 8, a much publicized ballot proposition and state constitutional amendment passed in 2008 that recognized marriage as only between a man and a woman, was overturned last year following a U.S. Supreme Court ruling. Along with defending the principle that children deserve both a mother and a father, there is the need to rebuild and restore a marriage culture by educating archdiocesan Catholics about the sanctity of marriage and its natural connection to family, according to Archbishop Cordileone, who was installed in the San Francisco Archdiocese in 2012. “The Church, and the Archdiocese of San Francisco in particular, seeks to fulfill the need of supporting and strengthening couples in marriage and family by teaching and forming them in their faith through retreats, seminars and ongoing programs which provide information and formation for engaged and married couples,” the archbishop told the Register. Archbishop Cordileone, together with his fellow U.S. bishops, urges Catholics in San Francisco and throughout the country to pray and
National Catholic Register
sacrifice for the rebuilding of society, especially in the matters of marriage and protecting life and religious liberty. Top priorities for the archdiocese’s first marriage and family life director hired in 10 years are strengthening and standardizing its diverse marriage-preparation programs in English and Spanish, further developing natural family planning (NFP) education and training and introducing marriage-enrichment opportunities, such as a parish couples program that has been successful in the nearby Oakland, Calif., Diocese. Among other goals are ministering to those with same-sex attraction and those who are separated and divorced. Culture of Support As part of efforts to promote God’s plan for marriage by establishing more parish-based programs, creators of a nationally recognized marriage support and enrichment ministry called Covenant of Love (COL) will give talks and retreats in San Francisco and other Bay Area parishes. “Many parishes lack ongoing marriage-enrichment programs, which nurture a culture of support for married couples,” according to Archbishop Cordileone. “We want to help men and women deepen their understanding of their own marriages — and look forward to actively assisting all married couples in this growth here in the Archdiocese of San Francisco.”
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Last year, a task force — formed two years ago to consider ways to strengthen marriage in the archdiocese — recommended filling the marriage and family life director position, which had been vacant because of budget constraints. (The archbishop is currently considering the task force’s other recommendations.) Selected six months ago to fill the position was Ed Hopfner, who headed the Oakland Diocese’s marriage and family life department under then-Bishop Cordileone. In Oakland, Hopfner placed special emphasis on marriage preparation and enrichment and education programs, priorities he brings to San Francisco. “We need to educate people, but we also need to strengthen marriages — to offer resources for marriages that are struggling or to prevent them from struggling; to strengthen them and help them to flourish,” he explained. Many dioceses have marriage-prep programs and offer help for couples going through marital difficulties, but fewer offer marriage enrichment that can help couples grow and deal with problems in their marriages before they get out of control, Hopfner said. “We want to have some kind of programs that people can plug into,” said Hopfner, who hopes to see each San Francisco parish establish a marriage ministry.
National Catholic Register (contd’) Have a ‘Date Night’ While in Oakland, Hopfner encouraged the introduction of COL, which was created by Greg and Julie Alexander of San Antonio. Now he is working to bring it to San Francisco. One of COL’s parish-led programs called “Date Night” brings couples together to focus on issues including understanding God’s plan for marriage, communication, forgiveness and healing, chastity and prayer. Inundated with negative media images of marriage, couples often don’t learn the Church’s view of the sacrament. Parishes need the tools to provide marriage support and enrichment, Greg Alexander said. “Typically, with the exception of Marriage Encounter, the Church never offers anything else for marriage enrichment; so here couples are, trying to live this lifelong marriage relationship, never having any additional resources or tools to be able to do that,” he said. Scott and Julie Genung helped found a COL program at their parish, St. Michael, in Livermore, Calif., last year, with the goal of inspiring couples to have God-centered marriages, Scott Genung said. Up to 20 couples, along with several mentor couples, attend monthly meetings that usually include a talk or video, small-group discussion and one-on-one time for couples. The parish didn’t have a marriage ministry before this, Julie Genung said. “Just being involved in the parish, we see the need to have a ministry that does appeal to marriage,” she said. “That’s the heart of our faith.”
Fifteen couples — from the newly married to those married many years — have attended Date Night meetings at St. Joseph Basilica in Alameda, Calif., and the five-couple core team that organizes the program hopes to encourage nearby parishes to get involved. “The most important thing in my life on this earth right now is my marriage,” said core team member Rob Call. “I want to give attention to that and get support from the Church and my community. That’s why I was interested in this.”
ful marriage is, how beautiful the family is, how beautiful this journey is — and how much love we too [must have], how close we must be to our brothers and sisters who in life have had the misfortune of a failure in love.” Supporting the separated and divorced would be easier if parishes had programs for married couples, Hopfner said.
In bringing them together with other couples, God is also helping individual couples grow closer, added Michelle Call. If couples see their marriages as a sacrament and blessing from God, they will want to invest in the great marriage God intends for them, she said. Help for Difficult Situations While ministering to San Francisco married couples, Hopfner said the archdiocese hopes to reach out more to the separated and divorced, whom he said often feel alienated from the Church. In a recent talk, Pope Francis said pastors should search for ways to minister to divorced and separated Catholics, “so that they do not feel excluded from the mercy of God, the fraternal love of other Christians and the Church’s solicitude for their salvation,” and help such persons keep the “faith and raise their children in the fullness of the Christian experience.” On Feb. 28, the Holy Father reiterated the need to help couples who are hurting from failed marriages: “How beautiful love is, how beauti-
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ARCHBISHOP SALVATORE CORDILEONE OF SAN FRANCISCO (CNA)
Ultimately, supporting marriage is also about caring for and nurturing children, according to Archbishop Cordileone, who stated that it’s not possible to be consistently pro-life without being pro-marriage. “The challenge is one of rebuilding and restoring a marriage culture, which begins — and certainly doesn’t end — with preserving the principle that children deserve a mother and a father and that society should do everything it can, and offer all necessary support, to help insure that children get what they deserve.” Register correspondent Susan Klemond writes from St. Paul, Minnesota.