Volume 25 Summer 2017
adoption FOCUS ON
The Resource for Canada’s Adoption Community
40 years of adoption: a three-part series Reframing the behaviour
Caring for Indigenous families
Shame and the adopted child
Adoption at the Movies book review
Practical parenting tips to post on your fridge
A conversation with the Indigenous Perspectives Socity
What to watch for and how to help
Host an adoption movie night with the help of this new book!
Contents Inside this issue: News and information
In Focus
2 Editor’s letter 3 News & notes 11 Celebrations 22 Events 23 Resources
5 Poem: Life is a mystery 7 40 years of adoption: a three-part series, part one 9 Tomorrow is a new day (and other lessons) 12 Happy Father's day! 14 Cut-out: Reframing the behaviour 15 Partner profile: Caring for Indigenous families 17 Shame and the adopted child
Adopt BC Kids 10 Meet Allison, Ivan, Alan, and Amy On our cover Harlan, Alexa, Emma-Lee, and Memphis Giesbrecht enjoy summer sun and some puppy love.
The magic of dads, page 12
Books & media 18 New in our library 20 Review: Adoption at the Movies Love, poetry, and foster care, page 17
Books, books, books! page 18
adoption FOCUS ON
The Resource for Canada’s Adoptive Families
Advertising All advertisements must comply with Section 85 of the Adoption Act (Bill 51). The publisher in no way endorses or makes any warranty or representation with regard to any product or service advertised in Focus on Adoption. The publisher reserves the right to refuse any advertising which, in its absolute discretion, it deems inappropriate for publication. We may not be held responsible for any ad content, or any action or complaint arising out of an advertisement in this publication.
Magazine staff Editor: Mary Caros Assistant Editor: Brianna Brash-Nyberg Copy Editor: Moretta Shuert Design concept: Junxion Strategy
Editor’s letter
Publisher
As I write this letter, I am thinking about casting my vote in BC’s provincial election, which is tomorrow. I’ve decided that I will vote for the person whom I believe will be the best parent. You see, the government of BC is technically the legal parent of each child in foster care in BC, making the BC government a family of over 10,000 children. When I think about it that way, it makes me want to vote for the best parent of BC’s children rather than the best politician. All of our children, in fact, need to be stewarded by someone who has children’s futures in mind, including a healthy environment, a supportive community, and access to education and jobs. What’s good for children is good for everyone. And speaking of children, I hope to see you at our 40th Anniversary party in June! Families and friends are all invited and there will be cake and balloons and all of the things that make birthdays so special. We'll also get to enjoy yummy food from REEL Mac and Cheese, a gourmet food truck owned and operated by an adoptive family! Make sure to stop by the Communications booth to let us know what you want to see in future issues of Focus on Adoption.
Mary Caros Editor, Focus on Adoption magazine
Focus on Adoption magazine is published by the Adoptive Families Association of BC, a charitable, accredited, non-profit organization offering adoption support, information, and education. Find out more about AFABC at www.bcadopt.com AFABC Charitable # BN118 777 671 RR0001 Supported by the Province of British Columbia.
Disclaimer The opinion expressed in each article is the opinion of its author and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Focus on Adoption. Many contributing writers are experts from various fields and provide advice to our readers, but readers should be aware that specific advice can only be given by qualified professionals who are fully aware of a family’s circumstances. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk, and we carry no responsibility for the opinions expressed and assume no liability or responsibility for any inaccurate or incomplete information, nor for any actions taken in reliance on it. © Adoptive Families Association of BC, 2017
The Adoptive Families Association of BC is delighted to invite you to our
40th Anniversary Open House and Annual General Meeting
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2 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
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AFABC Provincial Office, 7342 Winston Street, Burnaby, BC
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(AGM: 11:30am – 12pm)
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Saturday, June 10, 2017 11am – 2pm
celebrate 40 years of family!
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• Enjoy food truck goodies and birthday cake • Play at our kids carnival games • See profiles of kids and youth in care
• Meet the AFABC staff • Learn how our Board shapes AFABC • And more!
Please RSVP at www.bcadoption.com/openhouse For more information contact Andrea at 604-320-7330 ext 108 or adriedger@bcadoption.com
News & notes BY RACHEL CARRIER
New quests on AgedOut.com Two highly interactive quests, Money Sense and Eating Well on a Budget, launched on AgedOut.com this spring. AgedOut.com is a one-stop online resource where youth in and from care can learn skills and find the information they need to transition out of care. When youth use the site and complete quests they earn real-world perks, like gift-cards to stores and restaurants. Quests allow users to explore topics through gamified learning, a process that includes multimedia education and interactive content to keep learners engaged. Info pages keep youth informed about life skills and support services. The Money Sense quest follows characters Sam and Alex as they learn about budgeting. Guided by an owl named Dr. Hoo, they explore needs and wants, money tracking, using SMART goals, and making a simple budget. This quest was sponsored by the Public Guardian and Trustee (PGT). The Eating Well on a Budget quest teaches youth how to shop smarter, save money on groceries, and eat better by cooking healthy meals at home. Users can make a grocery list, look through recipes, and get a guided walkthrough of a simple kitchen’s tools and appliances. Source: AgedOut.com.
Amendments allow out-ofprovince adoptions For decades, the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD) has been coordinating a small number of out of province adoptions. Last year, though, the BC Supreme Court ruled
against the practice because once a child is placed out of province, MCFD cannot get involved if the adoption breaks down.
Allowance for Australian adoptive parents
New "streamlining" amendments introduced this spring allow MCFD to consider out-of-province adoptions when it is in the best interests of the child to do so.
The Australian state of New South Wales will soon be offering adoptive parents an allowance to increase adoptions and family support services. The hope is that this incentive will encourage more foster parents to adopt the children in their care. Currently, foster families' payments halt if they adopt.
Critics of the new amendments argue that the government failed to consult with Indigenous leaders who are concerned with keeping children in First Nations homes and communities. Source: www.cbc.ca
Mass grave discovered at Irish Catholic baby home A former Catholic home for unmarried mothers and their children has now been found to be the site of a mass grave. The home, located in Galway, Ireland, was formerly run by the Bon Secours Sisters. An excavation project revealed an underground structure that divided into 20 chambers, each of which contained human remains. The discovery confirms long-standing rumours and suspicions that children who passed away in the home were interred on the site in unmarked graves. This was a common but poorly documented practice in Catholic-run facilities with high child mortality rates. Local historian Catherine Corless found death certificates for 800 children, but only one burial record. She is working to identify each child and give them proper burial places. Source: www.cbc.ca
Under the new Adoptions Transformation Program, parents who adopt a special needs child will receive as much as $27,896 a year. Parents adopting a child under the age of four will now receive $488 every two weeks, and parents adopting an older teenager will receive as much as $738 every two weeks. The state will be putting $24 million into the program over the next four years. Source: tenplay.com.au
Bengal's hidden industry Hospitals in India have been in the "business" of selling babies for over a decade now, a new investigation by Firstpost reveals. Police have accused as many as 150 hospitals of smuggling up to 75 babies every month for black market adoptions that bypassed India's tough adoption laws. Government facilities lack transparent and foolproof systems to document and process babies, which allowed those involved to walk into nurseries, pick up newborns, and hand them off to paying "parents". In some cases, doctors encouraged unmarried women to sell their children; in others, doctors told the mothers their babies were stillborn. Source: www firstpost.com
Continued on page 4 VOLUME 25 SUMMER 2017 3
“ News & notes, cont’d
He who can reach a child's heart can reach the world's heart. Rudyard Kipling
Children are Canada's future Marie-Claude Landy, Chief Commissioner of Canada's Human Rights Commission, calls on all Canadians to work together to improve children's lives in her Annual Report to Parliament. "Ensuring that children are given equal opportunities to thrive, regardless of their individual challenges, is the best way of ensuring human rights for all," Landry said. Source: chrcreport.ca/ commissioner-message.php
Social worker pleads for "Alex Alerts" Patricia MacDonald, a BC social worker, has proposed a system of "Alex Alerts" to honour the memory of Alexandru Radita, who passed away
in 2013. Radita was near death when he entered foster care in 2003; his parents refused to treat his diabetes and denied him appropriate medical care. Although MacDonald pleaded for him to remain in care, he was returned to his family. A year later, they moved to Alberta—and off MCFD's radar. Alex was 15 years old and just 37 pounds when he passed away due to starvation and complications from untreated diabetes. This February, his parents were convicted of first-degree murder. MacDonald's proposed "Alex Alert" system would track at-risk children and families and trigger red flags in every province if one disappeared. “I believe that could save a life someday," she says. Crown Prosecutor Susan Pepper agreed: “As good as our system is, it should be better. This shouldn't happen." Source: www.thestar.com
Human rights win for Heiltsuk basketball player In 2016, Josiah Wilson, 21, was barred from the All Native Basketball Tournament in Prince Rupert, BC, because officials said he didn't meet their blood quantum (biological First Nations ancestry) requirements. Adopted from Haiti by a Caucasian mother and Heiltsuk father, Wilson is a status member of the Heiltsuk Nation and had played in the tournament before.
Wilson took his case to court, where it was heard at the BC Human Rights Tribunal in Vancouver. He won. Tournament organizers had to make a public apology, and eliminate the blood quantum (they will now use status cards to determine eligibility). "They couldn't say [I] was not Heiltsuk," Wilson said of the victory. Wilson's father said that the blood quantum concept wasn't compatible with Indigenous thinking, and that there is a long and strong tradition of adoption among the Heiltsuk. "We get to decide who we adopt into our communities.," he said. Source: www. theglobeandmail.com
New Brunswick to open adoption records The government of New Brunswick has proposed new legislation that would give birth parents and adult adoptees access to their sealed adoption records as long as certain criteria are met. The legislation includes a system of vetoes adoptees and birth parents can use to prevent the release of identifying information and/or prevent contact, depending on whether the adoption took place before or after April 2018. New Brunswick is currently one of the only provinces that maintains completely sealed adoption records. Source: www.cbc.ca ●
summer highlights Adopting Teens and Tweens June 15-July 20 (online) This course will enable prospective adoptive parents to make realistic, well-informed decisions about their capacity and readiness to parent teen or tween by adoption.
Thriving and Surviving: The First Two Years June 24, 9am – 3pm (Burnaby) This innovative new workshop is designed to prepare adoptive families as they navigate the critical and often overwhelmingly challenging first two years of placement.
For more information and to register, visit www.bcadoption.com/education. 4 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
40 years of adoption: a three-part series BY MARION CROOK In this series Marion Crook, author and adoptive mom, takes us on a journey through changes in adoption in BC. Part one explores local infant adoption, part two will look at international adoption, and part three will focus on adoption from foster care.
Part 1: Local infant adoption Local infant adoption is also called domestic adoption, agency adoption, and newborn adoption. Whatever you call it, it refers to situations where an expectant parent or couple chooses to make an adoption plan and places their child—usually a newborn—with a family that lives in the same province. Nowadays, birth parents are typically involved in selecting the adoptive family, and the adoption often involves some degree of ongoing contact (openness) between the birth and adoptive families. Local infant adoptions are facilitated by BC's four licensed adoption agencies (except in the case of relative adoptions), but that wasn't always the case. A lot has changed over the years.
1960s–1970s Forty years ago, families who wanted to adopt a baby locally had several options. Some birth mothers placed their babies privately, with no government supervision, while kinship adoptions were usually handled entirely by a lawyer. Indigenous families could use custom adoptions, which were private arrangements between the birth and adoptive families. Social agencies rarely allowed foster parents to adopt their foster children. For the most part, though, Catholic families adopted babies through Catholic Charities Services, while non-Catholic families used The Children's Aid Society in Vancouver and Victoria and the government human resources agencies in the rest of the province.
1967 When my husband and I decided to adopt a baby, we simply applied to the government's human resources office in our small town. We had one interview and were put on a waiting list. Nine months later, the social worker called to say we had a baby. In 1972, we waited a year for our second baby. It all seemed fairly straightforward. I now realize we were incredibly naïve about adoption. 20 years later, in 1992, I spoke with a social worker from Newfoundland who told me about a birth mother who was an atheist. She wanted to identify her baby as an atheist too, but there wasn’t a box to check for that. The child had to be Protestant or Catholic. It’s hard to believe, but that’s how constrained agencies were just 25 years ago.
Around this time, the legalization of birth control and abortion meant that fewer newborns were available for adoption. Adoptive parents suddenly began to find it difficult to create their family. Support networks such as Adoptive Parents Association, which began forty years ago and is now the Adoptive Families Association of BC, became important sources of information for those parents.
1972 When we adopted our second baby, a Gitxsan boy, closed adoptions were common. Social workers still usually tried to match adoptees to adoptive parents based on their appearance. The government and social workers defended this, but the truth is that the only “benefit” of this policy was to make it easier to try to hide the child’s adoption. I came to realize that it was important for children to have knowledge of their birth families, but I wasn’t able to find my sons’ birth mothers then. Around this time, the government created Resource Boards and all adoptions were handled by government workers.
1973 The rights of Indigenous children came to the forefront when the provincial government put a moratorium on the adoption of First Nations children. This was done in order to investigate the abuses of the Sixties Scoop, which was the practice of removing large numbers of Aboriginal children from their homes and placing them in non-aboriginal homes, such as mine.
Late 1970s Social upheaval around the rights of minorities fuelled changes in attitudes toward adoption. Transracial and cross-cultural adoption became more common, and adoptees and birth parents who felt disenfranchised demanded more rights.
1980s The number of newborns available for adoption continued to decrease during this decade, leading to more changes. Prospective parents began to look for help in finding infants to adopt, both domestically and overseas. Adoption agencies evolved to provide this assistance, and over time, they began to handle most local infant adoptions. These agencies took on the costs associated with adoption and, naturally, passed them on to the adoptive parents, so this type of adoption started to become more expensive for prospective parents. Several legal improvements also came about during the 80s. Custom adoption by Indigenous people was recognized as a right under the 1982 Constitution Act 39.
Continued on page 8 VOLUME 25 SUMMER 2017 7
40 years of adoption, continued Single women were now considered appropriate adoptive parents, usually for hard to place children. LBGTQ couples, however, were still not allowed to adopt,. Government agencies continued to keep closed records of adoptions. Private organizations such as the Canadian Adoptee Reform Association helped adoptees work around this and find their birth parents.
1985 As my boys moved into their teens, I was confused about what they needed. I took on a project to find out what teens thought about adoption. I found out that the identity of adoptees was vital to their mental and emotional health. I soon found others were convinced of this, too: more books aimed at educating adoptive parents and social agencies followed. This increase in awareness was a slow process in the days before the Internet.
1990s By this time it had become evident that the adoption agencies that now handled most of BC's infant adoptions were inadequately regulated. To remedy this, the government began the work of creating a new Adoption Act.
1993 Nancy Verrier published The Primal Wound, a ground-breaking book on separation trauma. It rapidly gained a foothold in the world of adoption. Verrier shed light on aspects of birth trauma in a way that led to more understanding of the need for close contact between birth parents and adoptive parents. This need to connect with each other for the sake of the children became more credible as further research supported it. 1995 Open adoption became more possible when the official ministry language changed, removing “as if born to” wording around adoption, and recognized the unique kinship arrangements adoptees experienced. 1996 The new Adoption Act came into effect in November of this year. Greater acceptance of diversity had created a more understanding climate for the LBGTQ community, and prospective LBGTQ adoptive parents were able to cite research that showed they were better-than-average parents. Finally, under the Adoption Act, it became possible for them to adopt in BC. The new Act also made it possible for adult adoptees to access their original birth certificates, and for birth parents and adult adoptees to access identifying information about each other (unless one or both parties filed a disclosure veto or no-contact declaration).
1997–2000 One of the biggest influences on openness and connection was the Internet. Adoptive parents were no longer the gatekeepers of information; adoptees and birth parents could use search sites to find each other and connect.
2001–2017 Today, very few newborns are adopted each year in BC—just thirty in the last year, far fewer than forty years ago. The cost of adoption has increased greatly. In 1972, we paid our lawyer $100. That was the total cost of the adoption. Now, a similar adoption costs between $10,000 and $25,000. All adoptions today (except for kinship and relative adoptions) must be facilitated by a government approved non-profit agency, but it’s common for prospective parents to reach out to birth mothers via the Internet. Prospective parents also typically design, produce, and
8 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
promote sophisticated profiles online in the hopes a birth mother somewhere will find them attractive. During the last forty years, counsellors, researchers, adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees have come to realize the importance of identity and its relation to culture and race. Rather than trying to hide the fact of adoption, today’s families accept it, discuss it, and are aware it influences us all. Now that computers, tablets, and smartphones are commonplace, Internet support groups, blog sites, chat rooms, webinars, and other online adoption resources are everywhere. Forty years ago, most adoptive families kept their stories private (and sometimes secret), and had little contact with other adoptive families. By comparison, the world of 21st century adoptive families is vast. Today, adoptive parents can talk to each other online through all stages of their journey. They can ask questions, find counsellors, and introduce their children to their birth cultures. They can participate in events—a quick look at AFABC’s website shows six events in the next month alone. They can enroll their children in summer camps where they can meet other adopted children and talk about their feelings without worrying that they’re somehow being disloyal to their adoptive parents. Adopted people can involve themselves with their culture, and if possible, with their birth family, and they have access to a large and supportive community of other adoptees. Canadian society has evolved into a more accepting and honest community for everyone in the extended family of adoption. ●
Marion Crook is the author of Thicker Than Blood: Adoptive Parenting in the Modern World and The Face in the Mirror: Teenagers and Adoption (both from Arsenal Pulp Press).
resources Adoption by the numbers Explore adoption statistics from the past few years at www.bcadoption.com/statistics.
BC's licensed adoption agencies 1. The Adoption Centre of British Columbia www.kcr.ca/adoption-services/the-adoption-centre-ofbritish-columbia 2. CHOICES Adoption & Pregnancy Counselling www.choicesadoption.ca 3. FSGV | Adoption Agency www.fsgvadoptionagency.ca 4. Sunrise Family Services Society www.sunriseadoption.com
Support for your journey Interested in a domestic adoption? AFABC's Adoption Key Workers will be there for you every step of the way. Visit www.bcadoption. com/support and reach out to your Key Worker today.
Tomorrow is a new day (and other lessons) The Wagler family
BY ALISON WAGLER
Tips for families in transition On February 1, 2016, my husband and I went from being just a couple to being the parents of three kids: a 9-year-old boy, a 4-year-old girl, and a 1-year-old boy. Even though we had been praying for this for years, it was overwhelming when it actually happened! Looking back, here are seven things I wish I’d known a year ago.
1. You’re going to make mistakes!
You’ve taken the courses. You’re more prepared than most parents. You’ve been waiting and now you’re ready, right? Then you make your first mistake. You feel terrible! These are your precious kids and you’re messing it up! From what I hear, feeling this way is universal to all parents but I think as instant parents the expectations we have of ourselves can be unrealistic. Most of us were good at something before we became parents, and it didn’t happen overnight. Neither will parenting…no matter how many courses, seminars and books you’ve studied.
2. There will be a rhythm.
One of the hardest parts at the start was that we had no real rhythm and routine. Every day seemed new and it took awhile to figure out basic things: what time do we need to leave to get anywhere on time; what do I need to pack for a 1 year old and 4 year old; when can we have a quiet moment in the day? Yet over time, a rhythm unique to us has developed. It won’t always be overwhelming!
3. You don’t have to entertain all the time!
We exhausted ourselves at first trying to do fun bonding things all the time. It wasn’t sustainable. “Don’t you want to play with me?” was a perpetual refrain and guilt trip all the time. I didn’t feel like we could say no. It wasn’t real life. Now we do still play together, but we also do the dishes and laundry and even play by ourselves for specific lengths of time.
4. Not every change is the end of the world! There will be some habits and routines you will inherit that you think you need to change. For us it had to do with bottles. Our littlest went to sleep with a bottle of milk .(Note that he went straight to sleep!) Those in the know will tell you this could rot their teeth. I knew we had to change it, but when? Would he stop sleeping? If he did, that would keep up his brother who sleeps in
the same room. Then his brother would be tired, which would lead to a meltdown. It would be a disaster! I knew it! In the end, we simply started giving him the bottle during book time before bed and then I brushed his teeth and he went to bed. Just like that. No catastrophe in spite of all my worries.
5. It’s not a vacation… it’s an adventure!
We went on our first family vacation last May to Pender Island. The first night, they went to bed at least and hour and half late and got up the next morning an hour early. So much for rest! I was exhausted. Not to mention the packing, the food, the ferry. On the other hand, for two days the kids were outdoors and exploring all day long. We went to the beach, and they played games in the trees. It was a great trip, a great adventure. But it wasn’t a “vacation”.
6. A lot of parenting is universal.
There are a lot of things that are different about parenting kids who are adopted, particularly those who have suffered traumatic backgrounds. There are definitely some things we handle differently. However, I am constantly amazed how much of parenting is universal. The other day, I overheard a friend saying to her daughter, “If your tummy is too full for your lunch, it’s too full for dessert!” I had to laugh at how many times I had said the same thing! It’s great to have friends in the adoption community but other parents have plenty of good advice to share as well. They also get the struggles because one thing I’ve learned is parenting is universally hard!
7. Last of all, and perhaps most important, is that tomorrow is a new day. No matter how bad your day has gone (and we’ve had plenty of doozies) you get to start fresh in the morning. There were nights I went to bed not knowing how we would get through another day. Yet another day came and often it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sometimes it was actually good, and sometimes it was even great. ●
Joel and Alison Wagler live in Burnaby where they are raising three kids they adopted in 2016. Joel directs a mission for inner city First Nations families in East Vancouver, and Alison will be returning to teaching in October. They are grateful to God that they survived the transition from 0 to 3 kids with their sanity somewhat intact. They are also thankful for all the support and prayers of family and friends which helped them weather the many early storms (and the occasional squall that still passes through their household). VOLUME 25 SUMMER 2017 9
Review
Adoption at the Movies
adopt
BY BRIANNA BRASH-NYBERG
Adoption’s everywhere. Be prepared! I used to love going out to the movies. I loved them all, from big-screen blockbusters to indie documentaries to edgy art-house flicks. Now that I’m a mom, it’s a little bit different. The last movie I saw in theatres—the last movie I saw, period—was Disney’s Moana. My 5- and 7-year-old daughters were my hot dates, I wore Costco leggings and rain boots, and we missed the first 5 minutes because someone needed a potty break rightthatverysecond. As we stumbled through the dark theatre, I tripped and spilled our overpriced popcorn. And then it hit: an unexpected adoption bombshell. I was totally unprepared, but I didn’t have to be. Addison Cooper’s groundbreaking blog, Adoption at the Movies, exists to prevent exactly that kind of thing. Here’s an excerpt of his review of Moana: This is a huge adoption connection, and a major spoiler: the demigod Maui was born to human parents. Maui says that his parents treated him ‘like I was nothing,’” Addison writes. “They took one look at him and threw him away into the sea, believing that they wanted nothing to do with him and leaving him for dead…. Although he devoted his life to making humans love him, he explains, ‘it was never enough.’ Maui’s understanding of his situation is not an uncommon telling of adoption. Abandoned by one set of parents, he was rescued by another and given a new identity, but questions his worth and questions the validity of his identity. –from “Moana Adoption Movie Review,” November 22, 2016
Movie nights made easy Addison’s new book, Adoption at the Movies: A Year of AdoptionFriendly Movie Nights to Get Your Family Talking, translates his blog’s premise to a concrete resource that deserves a spot on every adoptive family’s bookshelf. It covers 63 family-friendly movies, arranged by recommended age range. Each review covers the movie’s plot and its adoption connection (including strong points, challenges, and recommendations). My favourite thing about the book is that each review ends with a handful of discussion questions. Addison knows that it can be awkward to talk about adoption. His questions make it easy and fun to bring up topics that might otherwise feel awkward or intimidating. Your most difficult job will be deciding which move to watch!
20 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
Host your own adoption movie night At-home movie nights are a ton of fun, and they’re a lot cheaper and easier than dragging everyone to the theatre. Here are some suggestions to get you started on your very own adoption movie night.
For kids Put on your best PJs and cuddle up on the couch with a big bowl of homemade popcorn, or set up a sundae bar with all the fixings and compete for the craziest or most creative concoction. Adoption at the Movies includes adoption-friendly movie suggestions for kids of all ages. If your kids are very young, try Lilo and Stich or Kung Fu Panda. Slightly older kids will love Annie or Big Hero 6. You could even do a “Throwback Thursday” theme and show an older film like 1994’s Angels in the Outfield. Kids nodding off by the end of the movie? Try out the discussion questions over breakfast the next day.
For teens Choose a movie that features young people, such as Divergent or Somewhere Between. After the movie, head into the kitchen together to make homemade pizza (or sushi, if you’re feeling ambitious). Cooking together is a great way to open the door to conversation. Everyone knows teens are more likely to chat if you’re busy doing something else!
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