adoption
Volume 25 Fall 2017
FOCUS ON
The Resource for Canada’s Adoption Community
Adoption-friendly family trees: new ideas for school and beyond 40 years of adoption
Inside a real-life homestudy
Meet the Ewasiuk-Pohls
Calm your nervous system
Part two of our series focuses on international adoption
An adoptive mom tells it like it really is (It's not that scary!)
Ten kids, one dog, and two dads equals one FAB family!
Tips from a therapist who's been there and done that
Contents Inside this issue: News and information
In Focus
2 Editor’s letter 3 News & notes 13 Celebrations 26 Events 27 Resources and support
6 Adoption-friendly family trees 7 40 years of adoption: a three-part series, part two 9 Two real mothers 11 Inside a real-life homestudy 14 Photo contest winners 16 Adoption in Canada today 17 Partner profile: BC Federation of Foster Parent Associations 19 Everyone has a story: Meet the EwasuikPohls 21 Calm your nervous system
Adopt BC Kids 12 Meet Lyla
On our cover Gloomy fall weather has nothing on little Hendrik's sunshine smile! Thanks to his mom and dad, Dave and Nicole Doornbos, for sharing him with all of us.
Meet lively Lyla, page 12
23 40 years of memories
Books & media 24 Jen's all-time favourite picks 25 Review: China's Hidden Children
At BCFFPA, foster care's about family, page 17
Staff share 40 years of AFABC memories, page 23
adoption FOCUS ON
The Resource for Canada’s Adoptive Families
Advertising All advertisements must comply with Section 85 of the Adoption Act (Bill 51). The publisher in no way endorses or makes any warranty or representation with regard to any product or service advertised in Focus on Adoption. The publisher reserves the right to refuse any advertising which, in its absolute discretion, it deems inappropriate for publication. We may not be held responsible for any ad content, or any action or complaint arising out of an advertisement in this publication.
Magazine staff
Editor’s letter This magazine issue takes us through September, October, and November, which is Adoption Awareness Month! This year, we’ll be painting the town for Adoption Awareness Month— painting it orange, to be exact. On November 9, World Adoption Day, Canada Place and Vancouver City Hall will be illuminated in orange to recognize the hundreds of children in foster care waiting for a family as well as the many children and families in BC who have been brought together by adoption. We look forward to working with a new Minister for Children and Family Development this fall and in the months and years to come, and to talking with her and our partners in adoption and permanency about new ways of supporting families. Family is at the heart of adoption: biological families, adoptive families, extended families, and family supports for youth who still need them even after they’ve “aged out” of foster care. That’s why this year we have a simple message for Adoption Awareness Month:
Mary Caros Editor, Focus on Adoption magazine
Editor: Mary Caros Assistant Editor: Brianna Brash-Nyberg Copy Editor: Moretta Shuert Design concept: Junxion Strategy
Publisher Focus on Adoption magazine is published by the Adoptive Families Association of BC, a charitable, accredited, non-profit organization offering adoption support, information, and education. Find out more about AFABC at www.bcadopt.com AFABC Charitable # BN118 777 671 RR0001 Supported by the Province of British Columbia.
Disclaimer The opinion expressed in each article is the opinion of its author and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Focus on Adoption. Many contributing writers are experts from various fields and provide advice to our readers, but readers should be aware that specific advice can only be given by qualified professionals who are fully aware of a family’s circumstances. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk, and we carry no responsibility for the opinions expressed and assume no liability or responsibility for any inaccurate or incomplete information, nor for any actions taken in reliance on it. © Adoptive Families Association of BC, 2017
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VOLUME 25 FALL 2017 5
40 years of adoption: a three-part series BY MARION CROOK In this series Marion Crook, author and adoptive mom, takes us on a journey through changes in adoption in BC. Part two looks at international adoption, and part three focuses on adoption from foster care.
International adoption, then and now International or “out of country” adoptions were rare in Canada until after World War II. They became popular as a humanitarian response to the many children orphaned or left behind by soldiers after the Korean and Vietnam Wars. In 1955, Henry and Bertha Holt successfully petitioned the US Congress to pass a law that allowed them to adopt eight children from Korea. The Holts went on to establish an orphan rescue and adoption organization, Holt International Children’s Services. From then on, adoption from overseas became increasingly popular in North America. With the introduction of legal abortion and birth control in Canada in 1968 and increased acceptance of single mothers, the number of local newborns available for adoption fell. Adoptive parents began to look outside their own borders to create a family. War, famine, and natural disasters in other countries displaced children and often left them in great need. Adoptive parents, strongly motivated to open their hearts to these children, responded. For example, in the 1970s, media coverage of China’s one-child policy, established in the late 1970s, informed Canadians of the many baby girls who were being abandoned there. A similar phenomenon occurred in the 1980s and 90s when film footage of Romanian orphanages touched the hearts of people all over the world. In both cases, many Canadian parents responded by bringing children from those countries into their lives through adoption.
Corruption, chaos, and change Unfortunately, as with many human endeavors, the needs of both the children and the adoptive parents attracted profiteers who twisted the process. Adoptions were often either unregulated or not regulated to Canadian standards by the country of the child’s birth. Adoptive parents sometimes found themselves in difficult situations, pulled by their connection to their new child, but worried that they were unwittingly participating in something unethical or criminal in a foreign country. In Romania, in 1991, agents roamed the hospitals and pressured parents to give up their children, snatched children from the street and from their
Photo credit: Crystal Meier
homes, bought them from impoverished parents, or simply stole them and sold them to Western adoptive parents, most of whom had no idea of how these “orphans” were actually obtained. The Romanian government stopped foreign adoption in an effort to stop the abuses. When they reopened the adoption process, the abuses began again, and the government closed the doors to international adoption a second and final time. Later, in Ethiopia, a series of wars orphaned many children. Adoption from that country grew in popularity from 2006 to 2011, when another war began. At the end of this war in 2012, the Ethiopian government cracked down on abuses that had become rampant in the adoption process and tried to create a more humane system. This slowed down and complicated adoptions by foreigners, and in 2015, the last Ethiopian adoption programs in Canada closed down. In other countries, efforts to regulate adoption also ran into difficulties. If the legislation to protect children was not in place, or if too few people were designated to enforce it, the international adoption process was vulnerable to corruption. Canada wasn’t immune either. Few regulations governed the private agencies that handled international adoptions. Some of these agencies acted ethically and reliably for years; some did not.
The Hague Convention The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption was developed by The Hague Convention on Private International Law to combat the abduction, sale, and trafficking of children, and to ensure adoptions were regulated. It was a cooperative and strong attempt to protect the vulnerable children from unscrupulous profiteers. The convention was proposed in 1993. By 2012, 98 countries had signed onto it and to date 47 have ratified it, that is, have developed legislation that enforces the requirements of the Convention. Canada ratified The Hague Convention in 1997. Once The Hague Convention becomes part of a country’s policy, the effect is usually a drastic reduction in the number of children available for foreign adoption. Before The Hague Convention, many children in countries where adoption was poorly regulated had not been morally or even legally available for adoption. After the Convention, regulations protected them, but they could be cumbersome and time consuming. The Hague Convention stresses the need for in-country homes and local support for needy children, positioning international adoption as a last resort. Years may go by while welfare worker in the child’s home country investigates
Continued on page 8 VOLUME 25 FALL 2017 7
40 years of adoption, continued domestic resources. The child can only be eligible for out of country adoption when these investigations are concluded. Today, all adoptions in Canada are governed by regulations that comply with The Hague Convention. Better oversight in countries from which Canadians used to adopt children has resulted in fewer total international adoptions, longer wait times, and, often, children being older when adopted. In 2014, 905 children were adopted into Canada from other countries. This was a decrease from 1162 in 2012 and from 2180 in 2003. Canadians still adopt from China most often, but the process is much slower, the total number of adoptions is fewer, and most parents adopt older or special needs children rather than the healthy newborns or toddlers of the past. The signatory countries of the convention have to establish their own process of working with non-signatory countries. Canadian agencies carefully investigate agencies in non-signatory foreign countries, such as Japan, to ensure that the regulations that govern adoptions in that country satisfy Canadian standards. Provinces differ in how they regulate these adoptions.
Case study: Japan In the past two years, newborn adoption from Japan has become a popular program in BC. Through this program, Japanese infants come to Canada under a transfer of care and custody provision which is not necessarily possible in other provinces. Situations like this can result in a concentration of children from one country focused around the geographical area of the adoption agency. This doesn’t necessarily mean that there are suddenly more Japanese babies available for international adoption. It just means that a particular adoption agency here has an efficient working relationship with a Japanese agency. In addition, Japan changed its legislation in May of 2016 to encourage their populace to place children in families and not in orphanages. Governmentsponsored promotion of adoption in the society has resulted in more acceptance of the concept of adoption, and may be responsible for the increase in international adoptions. Legislation can influence adoption both domestically and internationally.
Case study: USA Not all international adoptions happen across oceans and continents. After China, the country Canadians adopt from the most frequently is the USA. As political and racial tensions increase in that country, we may see adoptions increase in response, the same way we do when a natural disaster strikes. Because both countries are digitally savvy, prospective parents can advertise online in the hopes that American expectant parents will find them and choose them to adopt their child. For these reasons, we may see more and more Canadian parents adopting children from the USA as expectant parents in the USA look for a safe and appropriate home for their child.
Looking forward: Change and more change Countries change or close their adoption process and new countries open theirs on a seemingly constant basis. It can be difficult and very frustrating for adoptive parents to keep up with the changes and to find a reliable pathway to adoption from another country. Some countries, such as Russia, no longer allow adoption by Canadians (in Russia’s case, it’s because our laws give equal rights to same-sex couples). Others, such as China, refuse prospective parents who are obese, have alcoholic parents or cancer in the family, or who are over 45 years old.
8 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
International adoptions in BC BC's Ministry of Children and Family Development tracked adoptions by BC residents during the 2016-2017 fiscal year. Compare them to the numbers from 20 years agos. Things have certainly changed! Note: these statistics include adoptions of relatives as well as non-relatives. For some countries (India, Philippines) all or almost all the adoptions were of relatives.
Total international adoptions 1996: 282 2016-2017: 269
Top five countries in 2016: 1. USA, 50 placements 2. Japan, 44 placements 3. Haiti, 40 placements 4. China, 37 placements 5. Philippines, 27 placements
Top five countries in 1996: 1. India, 69 placements 2. China, 45 placements 3. USA, 38 placements 4. Haiti, 32 placements 5. Russia, 20 placements
learn more Get the inside scoop on the international adoption process in BC today at www.bcadoption.com/international. The regulation of Canada’s adoption agencies gives adoptive parents some assurance that, at least on our end, the process is moral and legal. To the extent that the Canadian agency investigates the conditions in the foreign country’s process and procedures, the process should also be moral and legal in that country, although it may take quite a bit longer as a result of the increased oversight. Prospective parents nowadays can wait many years—a definite change from the heyday of the 1990s, when adoptions from China or Ethiopia regularly took less than a year from start to finish. What does the future of international adoption hold? It is difficult to predict when, where, and how changes will occur, but it’s inevitable that countries will continue to revamp legislation, attitudes will continue to change, and societies will continue to evolve, devolve, and adapt. What isn’t likely to change is the need for children to grow up in families, and the compassion and love that drives parents to adopt. Although the countries they come from and the processes they travel through may change, children from around the world will continue to join Canadian families through international adoption for years to come. ●
Marion Crook is the author of Thicker Than Blood: Adoptive Parenting in the Modern World and The Face in the Mirror: Teenagers and Adoption.
Inside a real-life home study BY TANYA CHARTRAND Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of prospective adoptive parents like the home study. They imagine a scowling social worker examining every crack and crevice of their home, taking marks off for dusty picture frames or unwashed dishes in the sink, and asking intrusive questions abut the most intimate details of their life. In this article, a hopeful adoptive mom shares what the experience was actually like.
Ridiculously real Our family’s first home study visit was a doozy! We were nervous leading up to it, as I believe most families are, but the real thing bordered on ridiculous. You just can’t make this stuff up! But let’s back up a bit. Our home study had been scheduled to begin in December, but on the day of our first visit, the meeting was cancelled by the agency due to unforeseeable circumstances. Although my husband and I completely understood, we were disappointed. With Christmas on the horizon, rescheduling was put off until January when a new social worker was assigned. We shared with her that we lived just out of town, and our driveway could be intimidating during the winter. However, she was confident and that eased our minds.
Snowed under and up in smoke The day arrived—and with it, a blizzard. No joke. The snow was coming down thick and fast, with no end in sight. Half an hour before the social worker was scheduled to arrive, we heard vehicles coming up our driveway. A group of SUVs with loads of young men had driven up our driveway, thinking it was a forest service road. In an attempt to go off-roading, the lead vehicle tried to drive through a snowbank and ended up high-centered. Twenty minutes of digging got the vehicle unstuck, but as we were trying to get the group turned around and on their way, our social worker arrived. As the driveway was still blocked, she had to stop and began sliding backwards in the accumulating snow. That would be enough to rattle anyone! Fast forward another ten minutes. The group of SUVs had headed out, and our social worker was settling in. We had just started discussions when our pagers went off. Did I mention that we are both "paid-on-call" firefighters? We had forgotten to turn off our pagers, and there was a major motor vehicle accident on the highway.
Considering the severity of the accident, we decided to respond. Our social worker was understanding, but we felt like our opportunity to make a good first impression had disappeared!
Honesty is really the best policy This was the person who would decide whether or not we were responsible enough to adopt a teen, and our first meeting had been full of stress, chaos, and uncertainty. I’m happy to report that we were able to reschedule again, and over the next few months we became deeply grateful for our home study social worker. Her thoroughness, attention to detail, commitment, and easy-going nature put us at ease. We remain in communication with her, updating her as we move forward in our adoption journey. It sounds cliché, but when I’m asked by prospective parents for advice on how they can prepare for their home study, I say “be yourself and be honest”. That’s it. That’s what the home study is all about. The process is meant to show exactly who you are and what your life is like. It’s not meant to show perfection, or the life you wish you had. Instead of fearing the process, enjoy it! In addition, expect the unexpected. Expect to be rattled. Expect to not know how to answer some questions. Expect to learn things about yourself that you never knew. Take advantage of the opportunity to examine your heart and your desires.
Worth the stress For us, our comical (I can say that now!) first visit showed that we could roll with the punches, and that our hearts were focused on service to others. When we received a copy of our completed home study, we were overwhelmed. She had captured us, the real us, in twenty-four pages of honesty. Even the negative things in our lives were shared with positivity and compassion. The final document more than made up for the stress of sharing our personal lives with a stranger—and we made a friend in the process. ●
Tanya Chartrand is an adoptee, a firefighter, a hockey addict, a vinyl record collector, a blogger, and a hopeful adoptive mother. She and her husband Jean are currently in the transition phase of adopting a teenage boy!
learn more Follow Tanya and Jean's adoption journey at www.okanaganadoptionstory.com
VOLUME 25 FALL 2017 11
Adopt BC Kids
Meet Lyla Lyla "Hi, my name is Lyla and I am 17 years old. I enjoy drawing, painting, writing, bath bombs, cleaning, reading, video games, Dungeons & Dragons, TV, anime, and cooking. I like school and my favourite classes are art and biology. I don’t like gym. The only sport I have ever kind of played or enjoyed is badminton, but I’m still not too fond of it. I like going for walks, but not hikes. I likes the outdoors, but would prefer to be inside if it’s really hot. I really like animals. I like cats and dogs, but especially cats. In my ideal family there probably wouldn’t be too many kids. I don’t mind if I’m an only child because I’m tired of losing my socks in the laundry. Two moms, a single mom, or a mom and dad is just fine. Ethnicity and age don’t matter to me. I don’t mind a religious family provided they don’t force their beliefs on me. Being in the Lower Mainland would be good as I’m interested in continued education here. I don’t mind a commute though." Lyla needs a family that will be there for her through the ups and downs, and help her find her way. She is relatively independent, and sees her future to include “a bachelor suite, three cats, and doing a
minimum wage job to support her personal business as an artist”. She is an extremely talented artist and has great potential. Lyla is currently doing okay in school, but could really benefit from having someone on her side to provide a little more guidance, motivation, and the love and support she needs to really flourish. Lyla is described as a kind young lady. She is smart, articulate, honest, funny, and says it like it is. She is quite an introvert, but can form good relationships and has warmed the hearts of those who know and love her. For the most part she is happy and content, and with encouragement will go out of her comfort zone to try new things. She feels her most basic needs are being met at the moment, but deserves and hopes for so much more. Want to learn more about Lyla? For families with approved homestudies, contact Kirsty at kstormer@bcadoption.com or 604-320-7330 ext 121. For families without approved homestudies, contact Sarah at sreid@bcadoption.com or 604-320-7330 ext 105. We cannot publish photos or names of waiting kids due to privacy concerns. This is a stock photo, and all names are pseudonyms.
View more profiles at www.bcadoption.com/meetthekids 12 FOCUS ON ADOPTION

family everybody needs one There are more than
Every year
30,000
THOUSANDS of these children age out of foster care
Canadian children in foster care who are waiting for a family In BC, there are
More than
Each year, more than
7,200
900
400
children in foster care
of them are waiting to be adopted
youth age out of BC foster care without a family
In BC, anyone over the age of 19 are eligible to adopt
0.4%
If of Canadians who have considered adoption from foster care followed through, every child in Canada’s foster care system would have a permanent family and home
#everybodyneedsone 16 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
Meet the Ewasiuk-Pohl family BY BRIANNA BRASH-NYBERG
Some of the Ewasiuk-Pohls at the beach
In BC, approximately half of the adoptions that take place every year are foster parents adopting their foster kids. In this article, you'll meet the Ewasiuk-Pohl family, and get a glimpse into that world.
Ten kids and counting Long-time foster dad Russell Pohl sums his family up in one word: FAB. It’s short for fabulous, of course, but it also stands for foster, adoptive, and biological. Russel and his husband, Darrell, are parents to two biological kids and five adopted kids, in addition to all the children and youth they've loved and cared for during their 15 years as foster parents. “We also have several kids that have grown up with my bio kids that are considered our adopted kids,” Russell says. By the end of this year, the family’s permanent tally will have grown by three: Russell and Darrell are legally adopting three more of their foster children. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s a total of ten kids between the ages of 30 and 5. And then there's the newest addition, this time of the canine variety: a dog from Guatemala that the family rescued and named Listen Linda. This is clearly a family that isn’t afraid to love big, live outside the box, and define family on its own terms. “We’re all odd,” says Russell. “Unique, different, many, some special needs, public, [and] oh yeah, gay.”
One fab family Russell says he and Darrell became adoptive parents “organically,” by way of foster parenting. In the very beginning of their fostering journey, a baby was removed from their home because they were gay. That was 17 years ago, though, and it hasn’t been an issue since. Now, Russell describes his family as a “one-stop shop” for the children they foster. “You either are going back to a healthy bio family, whatever that would look like, or there is an adoptive family already waiting, or we are adopting you. Period.” Even the Ewasiuk-Pohl family’s adoption processes are too big to be contained by the usual box. “The first adoption was four years in the making. Way too long,” says Russell. In the end, though, he and Darrell adopted five kids, from three different biological families, all at once.
Russell, Darrell, and three of their children
Mr. Mom's world Somewhere along the line, Russell acquired the nickname of Mr. Mom. “The kids used to call me Martha because I loved watching Martha Stewart,” says Russell. Over the years, that nickname morphed into Mr. Mom. "TV loved it, media loved it, so it stuck," says Russell. "Besides, I have 10 kids! [Now] Mr. Moms World is my umbrella company name.” Is this how Russell envisioned family life years ago, before he’d fostered or adopted? “I imagined it peaceful, quick to be able to do things, jet setting to wonderful destinations.” A quick glance at Russell's blog reveals glimpses of a life that doesn’t seem too far off that mark: exciting travel, delicious food, and happy family memories. Russell even runs his own successful business, a cooking and catering company called Mr. Moms World. He’s also kicked off a new direction with a blog and vlog on his brand-new website, “Mr. Mom's World Speaks.” But what is it really like behind the scenes in this big, fab family? “Life has smacked us in the face! We get to do all the above, just [with] a whole lot of work and timing. And it’s all but peaceful.”
Continued on page 20 VOLUME 25 FALL 2017 19
Meet the Ewasiuk-Pohls, cont'd When asked how they do it all, he’s quick to say they don’t. Instead, they strive to do their best, with the support of a whole team that includes his mom, his two oldest children, his son-in-law, and his good relationship with MCFD. All of Russell’s adopted kids also have openness with biological family members. “What we have found is that the family usually starts as they mean to go on,” he observes. “If they are great at making visits on time, that holds true throughout.” As the kids get older, it’ll be their choice as to how much time they want to spend with their biological families.
Never give up Russell says highlights of his life as Mr. Mom are watching his kids gather their confidence, graduate from high school, and find success. But life isn’t always a cakewalk. “A low point is watching [kids] make tragic mistakes, some of them lifelong, says Russell. “The challenge is how we move forward, how we continue to grow as a family. It’s not easy. Many children in care bring huge challenges with them, or their families may bring in challenges.” One of the most difficult situations Russell and Darrell faced was when one child’s actions meant they had to move him to live in another home. Similar situations often result in adoptions being disrupted, but Russell’s response reflects the compassion and patience he’s developed through his experiences as a foster and adoptive parent. “Just because kids screw up doesn’t mean they should be tossed to the curb,” says Russell. “He is our son and always will be.” Russell encourages other foster and adoptive families who experience tough times to stay the course, too. “Hang in there,” he says. “You’re not alone. You are making a difference. Believe, stay true, and never give up.” ●
recipe
Russell often gives cooking demonstrations of his familyfriendly recipes on CTV Morning Live. Here’s one of his favourites that combines the best parts of lasagna and pierogis for a unique twist on a fast, family-friendly casserole. Russell is famous for his homemade pierogis and tomato sauce, but busy families can use premade options from the grocery store for a fast and delicious weeknight meal.
Pierogi casserole 1.
Layer the bottom of your pan with tomato-meat sauce (homemade or store-bought)
2.
Place a single layer of boiled or fried pierogies on top
3.
dd another thin layer of sauce, followed by a layer of grated cheese, followed by more pierogies
4.
Repeat until your dish is full, ending with a layer of cheese
5.
Bake at 350 until the cheese is golden and bubbly
View the full segment from CTV Morning Live at www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF712Tro8qU.
Keep up with the Ewasiuk-Pohls at www.mrmomsworldspeaks.com.
resources
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GLBTQ families and adoption
Foster care and adoption
GLBTQ parents Visit our website to learn more about GLBTQ adoption! www.bcadoption.com/glbt-parents
Adopting your foster child Want to learn more about adopting a child you're already fostering? Learn more about the the ins and outs of this unique and exciting transition on our website. www.bcadoption.com/adopting-your-foster-child
Families Like Mine Check out author Abigail Garner's vast archive of advice columns for GLBTQ families. www.familieslikemine.com/advice Unexpected challenges Two sets gay of parents discuss their highs and lows of through adoption and into being a family. www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/unexpectedchallenges Conceiving Family BC-based filmmaker Amy Bohigian’s documentary film, follows her and partner Jane Byers’ journey to becoming a family, and combines personal interviews, intimate footage and family photos of four other same-sex couples to tell the collective story of what it takes build a family through adoption and through love. Read about it here: www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/conceiving-familyfilmmakers-journey-adoption
20 FOCUS ON ADOPTION
Child in the Home Adoption Education Program (AEP) Did you know that if you're adopting your foster child, you'll need to complete an adoption education program first? The Child in the Home AEP is a convenient online program especially designed to fulfil this requirement for foster parents and previous adopters. www.bcadoption.com/child-home-aep Q&A: Adopting a foster child Learn from a "been there, done that" foster mom of many! www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/qa-adopting-fosterchild Meet the Imries Learn about another family built through foster care and adoption: a single mom and her two kids. www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/everyone-has-storymeet-imries