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FINDING YOUR LIFELINE ALISON BARRETT TELLS US ABOUT HOPE
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‘You’ve got depression,’ the doctor said, ‘and anxiety.’ Even though I knew this already, the diagnosis hit me like a tonne of bricks. Those words surely weren’t meant for me. I was a generally happy and healthy woman. There had been no traumas to speak of, no history of depression, nothing. I was in my 30s, living the dream. I had just spent nine months living and travelling in Canada and the States. Everything was meant to be great. Instead, everything was miserable. I was in my 30s, with no direction or desire for life. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was forlorn, losing weight rapidly, and panic attacks had become a semi-regular occurrence. At times, I was scared to leave the house. A simple drive to the supermarkets could inspire a panic attack. I felt like I was suffocating. I had no desire to enjoy the things I had missed the most during my time away - my family and my friends. Mostly, I just wanted to sleep. Except that I couldn’t sleep. My mind was in a constant state of overdrive. I couldn’t switch it off. It wasn’t until I started therapy with both a counsellor and psychologist that all of my symptoms were explained and began to make sense. I hadn’t been looking after myself; I was unsettled and always in a hurry. I hadn’t realised that I had allowed negative thoughts to infiltrate and take over. The good news was that it could be treated. I didn’t have to live in fear. I could, and if I put in the effort, would get better. Fast forward two years, and I am feeling the best that I have in years. I haven’t had a panic attack in over 18 months, I’ve learnt ways to manage stress and I am genuinely enjoying life. I’ll be honest with you; it wasn’t easy to get to this point. I had to retrain the way I thought, learn how
to focus on one thing at a time…and not be so hard on myself. But with the help of a couple of therapists, and the support of my family, I was able to get through it. Day by day, I finally began to claw my way out of the darkness. I didn’t know at the time, but a phone call I made to Lifeline during a panic attack in my darkest days has managed to enrich my life in ways I could never have imagined. The man on the phone calmed me down and helped me believe that everything was going to be OK. I am forever grateful to him. As a result of his comforting words, an intense desire grew to help others. I have taken this desire seriously and signed up to trek the Kokoda Trail in Papua New Guinea to raise money and awareness for Lifeline, Australia’s 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention line. Over the last six months, I have been busy training and fundraising. From the comfort of my couch, I have jumped into climbing hills, running stairs, and this is the big one, asking people for help, for support, and money for my cause. From a woman who couldn’t even leave the house two years ago, I struggle to believe it. In a few weeks, I will be knee-deep in mud on one of the most challenging tracks in the world. I will be navigating rocky paths, creek crossings and the steepest of steep. I will be sore, tired, and taking part in the biggest adventure of my life. This is my chance to say thank you to those who helped me, and to offer hope to those who don’t have any. If you ever feel depressed, please talk to someone. Don’t be ashamed to speak up and share your fears. Organisations such as Lifeline are there to listen and help. Call them if you or someone you know is thinking of hurting themselves. 13 11 14. Lifeline are there 24/7. Or visit their website: www.lifeline.org.au for a one-on-one online chat (8pm-4am, 7 days).
Alison wonders if she would end up with high distinctions if she spent as much time editing her assignment as she did this piece.