The Davidsonian 11/7/24

The

Davidsonian For a Better Davidson.

davidsonian.news

November 7,2024

Volume 123, Issue 8

ELECTION 2024

DONALD J. TRUMP RECLAIMS WHITE HOUSE

President-elect Donald Trump points to the crowd after his victory speech Wednesday morning in West Palm Beach, Florida, with promises to “bring every ounce of energy, spirit and fight that I have with my soul to the job.” Photo by CNN.

The Palm Beach County Convention Center in Florida was euphoric. At 2:30AM, after picking up victories in North Carolina, Georgia, and Pennsylvania, President-elect Donald Trump took to the podium to deliver his victory speech, spurred on by “USA!” chants throughout the crowd. Labeling his own 2024 campaign as “the greatest political movement of all time,” Trump dispelled any belief that his initial victory in 2016 was a historical accident.

Eight years later, it’s clear that the country is experiencing realignment, not another outlier. Expected to be only the third Republican president since 1988 to win the popular vote, Trump proclaims himself ready to usher in “the golden age of America.”

News

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“Love Has a Greater Power in the Universe, and it Even Can Conquer Death” Elena Kostyuchenko comes to Davidson

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SAVANNAH SORAGHAN ‘27 (SHE/HER) NEWS CO-EDITOR

ew can claim to have lost their country.

Even fewer can claim to have lost their chance for a peaceful return.

Exiled independent Russian journalist Elena Kostyuchenko has lost both. Originally hailing from Yaroslavl, Russia, Kostyuchenko began her career in journalism by working for her local paper. She later studied journalism at Moscow State University and interned at Novaya Gazeta, a paper critical of the government under President Vladimir Putin’s control.

After graduation, Kostyuchenko joined Novaya Gazeta’s staff as a full-time writer, covering stories about “the lesser known” parts of Russia spanning from small villages to state-run mental institutions. In addition to her journalism work, Kostyuchenko often openly discusses her lesbian identity and frequently involves herself with LGBTQIA street activism, attempting to celebrate and make Russia’s LGBTQIA community visible.

Kostyuchenko came to Davidson on October 29th on behalf of the Dean Rusk International Studies Program by the recommendation of Chair & Professor of Russian Studies Dr. Amanda Ewington as part of the Dean Rusk Lecture Series. The conversation about inviting her to speak at Davidson began last February. “Larisa Ivanovna and I had been talking about our concern that our Russian [language and literature] students were not very familiar with what was going on in contemporary Russia in terms of culture, opposition, politics, and news,” Dr. Ewington shared.

During her two-day stay, Kostyuchenko met with both a Gender and Sexuality Studies class and Dr. Ewington’s Russian literature class. In Dr. Ewington’s class, Kostyuchenko read a chapter from her new book, I Love Russia: Reporting From a Lost Country. “[She] talked to them about the history of the idea of madness in Russian literature, and the way throwing people in mental asylums and

declaring them mad has been also a strategy [used] against dissidents […] by the Russian state and the Soviet state,” Dr. Ewington stated.

Despite her book’s title, Kostyuchenko’s “love” for her home country is complicated.

“When I say I love Russia, I mean Russia as [a collective]—many people living there united [through a] common destiny, and not always a good destiny, but still common.

And when I say love, I mean the feeling of belonging,” Kostyuchenko explained. “I feel like I belong to these people, and they belong to me, and [we] are united in some strange way.”

Kostyuchenko’s love for Russia differs drastically from the one pushed by President Putin in state media. “He basically says that if you love Russia, you need to go kill Ukrainians [...] if you love Russia, you should obey, be silent, or lie if you need to. But the truth is that love doesn’t demand any murders or lies or silence,” Kostyuchenko declared in her lecture.

On the war in Ukraine, Kostyuchenko admitted, “I’m a reporter. I reported on Russia all my life, and I didn’t see this war coming. And then I realized that the very same love, which gave me energy to work [...] also gave me hope. And this hope blinded me.”

Kostyuchenko’s work has put her life in danger. According to a blog post by Kostyuchenko on independent Russia media outlet Meduza, she was living in exile in Berlin, Germany when she was warned of Russian plans to assassinate her. Soon after, she was on her way back from a trip to Munich to apply for a Ukrainian visa when she began to sweat and develop a headache.

Her symptoms only got worse when she arrived home, as she developed abdominal pain and nausea. Nearly two months later, after multiple rounds of testing and fluctuations in her symptoms, Kostyuchenko contacted the police and underwent questioning for a poison investigation.

“I contacted the police and got a hospital referral. The detectives followed me to the clinic, where they questioned me as well as

Elena Kostyuchenko, author of I Love Russia: Reporting From a Lost Country, speaks at Davidson. Photo by Julia Tatarchenko. over] Russia,” Kostyuchenko stated after the the physicians,” she described in her blog lecture. “And this group was created after the post. full-scale invasion [of Ukraine], and after all While the poisoning was never officially this crazy legislation against [the LGBTQIA confirmed, Kostyuchenko understood that community] was applied. And they’re doing she needed to be careful moving forward. different things [...] but basically, they’re “I realized that I cannot do [reporting] the helping each other survive.” same way I did all my life—hiding behind Kostyuchenko and her work are a part a character’s back, never [being] present of a wider resistance movement. She is on the page. I realized that if I write about part of a collective that ranges from grade rising fascism Russia, I need to investigate school teachers trying to counter pro-Putin my own […] life too, because I’m a part of propaganda in schools to women covertly this picture.”In order to make up for what raising funds for Russian soldiers to desert she thought her journalism was lacking, to LGBTQIA activists continuing the fight Kostyuchenko turned to activism. within Russia. She is one small voice in a In her lecture, she emphasized the good chorus of a thousand unsung heroes. “My work many other organizations across Russia love to Russia hurts a lot, but still, I don’t are undertaking, work that rarely reaches the want to refuse this feeling, because I do eyes and ears of Americans or other foreign believe that love has a greater power in the observers. universe, and it even can conquer death,” she “There are many people who do better work said. than I do. [...] Right now, I’m collaborating with a group of four hundred lesbians [all

Deliberative Forum on Income and Wealth Inequality Sparks Conversation

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AIDAN MARKS ‘27 (HE/HIM) POLITICS EDITOR MICHAEL WIELAND ‘27 (HE/HIM) STAFF WRITER

ast week, students, professors, and community members gathered in the Lilly Family Gallery for the Deliberative Citizenship Initiative’s (DCI) Fall 2024 Deliberative Forum on Income and Wealth Inequality. The forum, which was split between an expert panel moderated by President Doug Hicks and small group deliberation led by DCI fellows, enabled attendees to consider different perspectives about if, how, and why society should address inequalities.

During the first hour, panelists Dr. Jessica Flanigan, Brian Balfour, Dr. Sean McKeever, and Robyn Lake Hamilton took turns answering questions posed by President Hicks. A clear divide emerged between those who believe society should address income and wealth disparities and those who believed it should not.

Dr. Flanigan, professor of leadership studies and philosophy, politics, economics, and law at the University of Richmond, argued that the problem is deprivation, not disparity. “We [the] people should focus on building a society where everybody has enough and not a society where we minimize gaps between the top and the bottom,” she said.

Balfour, senior vice president of research at the John Locke Foundation, echoed Dr. Flanigan’s sentiment. “I think the concern should be more about the absolute well-being of those in society, in particular those on the lowest income scale in society, rather than focusing in on the differences between folks in income and wealth,” Balfour said.

Dr. McKeever, professor of philosophy at Davidson College, disagreed. “What we need to address is economic and material inequalities insofar as they inhibit our ability to be independent and live freely,” he said.

Dr. McKeever made a distinction between addressing poverty, or material differences, and inequality, which can include systemic obstacles to financial stability. “Some

people on the panel thought you should be concerned with poverty but not worried about inequality. I think you should be concerned about both. They’re both legitimate, but we both agree that they’re not the same thing,” he stated in an interview after the event.

Referencing her experience working with disadvantaged communities as CEO and president of the Urban League of Central Carolinas, Hamilton agreed with Dr. McKeever while reframing the question. “Why would we not want equity?

Why would we not want everyone to do well?” Hamilton asked.

President Hicks then guided the panel to the question of redistributive justice. All of the panelists agreed that children today have unequal chances of flourishing. However, they disagreed on what should be done to address it.

To Dr. Flanigan and Balfour, one’s success in life is determined by personal characteristics, such as individual strengths, talents, and priorities, and posit that a free market economy with minimal government intervention will maximize individual prosperity.

On the other side of the argument, Dr. McKeever and Hamilton believe that systemic barriers and life circumstances often inhibit people’s ability to pursue their own life. In their opinion, some form of redistributive provisions are necessary to maintain individual freedoms.

For many, the topic lands close to home. According to a 2014 study by Economist Raj Chetty, Charlotte ranked last out of fifty metro areas in upward mobility, which measures economic opportunity and people’s ability to move out of poverty. Charlotte ranked thirty-eighth in upward mobility in 2024. Though a positive shift, Hamilton stressed that there is still room to improve.

The second half of the forum allowed participants to discuss questions related to income and wealth inequality in small groups and reflect on the panelists’ arguments. “[Dr.] McKeever brought up this really interesting argument that I thought was really compelling, where he said this future hypothetical pie [of available resources], it isn’t owned by anyone yet, and it’s up to us and state policies to decide how

that pie is distributed so that everyone gets an equal amount,” Katie Jung ‘28, who attended the event, said.

President of the Davidson College Democrats Kailliou Macon-Goudeau ‘25 discussed the implications of income and wealth inequality for the United States as a whole. “If we had a system that spread out wealth more equally, we wouldn’t have this worry of small groups of people having extreme outsized influence on our elections and on our school boards and on our judges and on our legal system [...] So there is this sense that we may be paying the cost of something social rather than just economic, for wealth inequality,” MaconGoudeau said.

The group deliberations also allowed students to hear from a diverse group of community members. “I thought it was really interesting because they put us in groups with students our age, but also people who are a lot older, and I thought that that provided a lot of unique insight on how they think that wealth inequality should be regulated,” Jung said.

Each small group deliberation was facilitated by a trained student DCI fellow. To Fellow Zak Abdulahi ‘27, DCI events like the forum provide important opportunities to engage with opposing perspectives in a constructive manner. “I have been really concerned about polarization,” Abdulahi said. “I think deliberation is a successful way to find connection and address issues.”

“Despite us having different views and perspectives on how we should move forward, I thought that it was really reassuring to find that we also had a lot of common ground,” Jung said. “I think the point of the deliberation is obviously to have meaningful conversations, but also to realize that despite all of our differences, having shared values and having common ground is necessary.”

To President Hicks, the forum was an overwhelming success.

“I think it was Davidson at its best, a chance for people to get together–students, faculty, staff, community–and talk about matters that are really, really important. We found a way to share perspectives that even when we disagreed, we did it with respect,” he said in an interview after the event.

Politics

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Election Party Encourages Unity Amidst Tumultuous Night

CLAIRE IRELAND ‘28 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER AIDAN MARKS ‘27 (HE/HIM) POLITICS EDITOR

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s the 2024 election cycle drew to a close, Davidson students gathered to take part in a series of events focused on the historic occasion. In the days leading up to and following the election, the Center for Political Engagement (CPE) held gatherings designed to give students a space to prepare for and reflect on the outcome.

CPE’s ‘Twas the Night Before the 2024 Election event on November 4th and Election Party on November 5th, both co-hosted with Union Board, elevated unity and community to center stage.

“Sometimes when you’re thinking about the election, it feels very stressful and a little isolating if you’re just thinking about it yourself.

It’s nice to go to a place where a lot of people are thinking about it, and you could just talk to people and find comfort in it,” election party attendee Kyra Dalbo ‘25 said.

Throughout the night, Union Board President Davis Varnado ‘25 could be seen running around the building ensuring everything ran smoothly, including abundant amounts of pizza, trivia, and a live stream. “I’m happy that there’s excitement in here and that people are staying engaged,” Varnado said during a brief moment of rest.

The centerpiece of the night was a large map of the United States hung from the third floor railing. Students sat around tables below while Union Board members placed red or blue cutouts on the map as states were called.

In the 900 Room, a PBS News live-stream kept students updated on the night’s results while lounging on bean bags and folded chairs, celebrating the historic night with cake, cookies, and other treats provided by the host organizations. Sparkling stars hung from the edges of the ceiling and tinsley red and blue

curtains draped the entrances of the room.

To President of Davidson College Libertarians Gabriel Russ-Nachamie ‘27, the election party exemplified Davidson’s unique political climate. “I think Davidson is unique in that we put our community first above partisan politics. Unfortunately, we’ve seen too much political violence and too much political division at the national level, and that’s not something that happens at Davidson,” Russ-Nachamie said.

The gathering gave students the space to engage in politics while maintaining connectivity with their fellow Davidson students.

“It was a good community-centered event, a place for students to gather and support each other,” Student Government Association President and Union Board Representative Connor Hines ‘26 said. “No matter what party affiliation you have, it’s good to talk about [the current events] and have respectful discourse.”

As the night progressed and Donald Trump began to take a decisive lead, most students returned to their dorms for the night. But for some students, watching the electoral map turn red was energizing.

Oliver Genovese ‘28 stayed up until the early hours of Wednesday morning to watch Trump’s victory speech. “I was feeling pretty confident and my family was pretty excited too. So we’ve been waiting for this. Probably the most exciting election day since 2016,” Genovese said.

For many Republicans, the outcome is a resounding repudiation of pollsters who underestimated Trump’s appeal in 2016, 2020, and 2024.

“I volunteered at Trump’s final rally in Gastonia last weekend. And contrary to what polls and mainstream media suggested, his energy and the energy of the massive crowd that showed up to see him in the middle of nowhere (I had to get there at 6:30 am for a speech that began at 12:30 pm) was a sign of things to come. It was clear from that point on that there was massive momentum in our fa-

vor,” President of Davidson College Republicans Stephen Walker ‘26 said in an email.

To many, this election is a wake up call. “I think the Democrats have to wake up and smell the roses. It’s the best way I could put it.

From my experience, [The Democratic Party has] become an increasingly college educated, professionally dominated party, and it comes off as scornful. It comes off as hubristic and arrogant,” Anthony Toumazatos ‘25 said.

“I think [the election results] go to show how any college, including Davidson, swings very liberal, and that the people around you are not necessarily going to represent what the actual national election looks like,” CPE President Sophia Ludt ‘25 said.

The problem has as much to do with policy as personality. “I sort of wonder to myself, where does the Democrat party go from here? [...] Do they tilt further to the center? Do they tilt further to the left? I think that’s the question they have to ask,” Toumazatos said.

Indeed, the answer to that question has become, and will continue to grow, more difficult over time. “As time goes on and identity in America becomes increasingly complex and increasingly intertwined [...] you’re gonna see certain interests be mutually incompatible,” Toumazatos said. “I think you started to see the cracks between certain key constituencies and voter blocks.”

To others, though, the real issue for Democrats was a failure to remind voters what life was like under Trump’s time in office. “I think the biggest thing is that people just didn’t have a lot of memory. Trump being four years ago is a lot,” President of Davidson College Democrats Kailliou Macon-Goudeau ‘25 said.

However, Macon-Goudeau predicts it will not take long to remember the factors that led Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to beat Trump in 2020. “When Trump comes in and Trump starts doing exactly what Democrats said he would be doing, the way that Democrats said he would be doing it, we need to be able to call him out every step of the way. [...] We’re go-

ing to have people dedicated, and we’re going to have people watching so that the American people know by 2026 exactly who has their interests in mind,” Macon-Goudeau said.

In the meantime, Genovese thinks a second Trump term will be less damaging than many fear. “[Trump is going to] try to have the Republican party win the next election. So if you think about it logically, he can’t do anything that would be too radical, or else Republicans won’t be able to win another election,” Genovese said.

Even so, Walker emphasizes that Republicans are ready to capitalize on their newfound power. “We will not take this, the greatest comeback in the history of politics, for granted,” Walker said. “It’s time for America to clean up the mess, permanently drain the swamp, and restore America to a state of unrivaled excellence [...] We intend to capitalize on [our electoral victories] to the fullest extent possible.”

The following day, Davidson’s Deliberative Citizenship Initiative (DCI) held a post-election conversation in the 900 Room. As students and faculty gathered, Vice President Kamala Harris’s concession speech played in the background. “[We wanted people] to come together as a community and talk across differences. It was great to see we had people from across the political spectrum here talking and sharing their views. I think that was really cool,” Associate Professor of Political Science and Faculty Director of the DCI Dr. Graham Bullock said.

In order to structure the conversation, the group was organized into four categories of discussion: hopes and concerns for the next four years, election results, next steps to take, and open discussion. “We wanted to have a balance between letting people just express themselves while also providing some orientation for them, some things that they can talk about together,” Dr. Bullock emphasized.

Students gather in the Alvarez College Union to commemorate election night on November 5th. Photos by Claire Kelly ‘25.

Democrats Break the Republican House Supermajority in North Carolina CLAIRE KELLY ‘25 (SHE/HER) CO-EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

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he Republican party smeared red across the United States Electoral College map on the night of November 5th. Nevertheless, pockets of blue appeared throughout North Carolina, breaking the GOP supermajority in the State House, along with other scattered State Senate wins. The most noteworthy Democratic victory in ‘The Tar Heel State’ was secured when North Carolina Democratic candidate Josh Stein took the win over Republican candidate Mark Robinson at the end of a heated campaign. Robinson, who was recently under fire for a slew of illicit messages on an online adult platform, took 40.2% of the vote, according to NBC News. Stein took 54.8%, with 97% of expected votes accounted for at the time of this writing.

Below Stein rose Jeff Jackson, as he too claimed a Democratic victory for the North Carolina attorney general seat over Republican Dan Bishop. Jackson represented the 37th District in the North Carolina Senate for nearly a decade and won with 51.3% of the vote over Bishop’s 48.7%.

But perhaps the most important race for the Davidson community was for the new member of the North Carolina House of Representatives. First time candidate and Davidson College alumna Beth Helfrich ‘03 defeated Republican Melinda Bales, the former mayor of Huntersville, for the

98th District seat. According to The Charlotte Observer, on Wednesday morning Helfrich defeated ​​Bales by a margin of 52.13% to 47.87%, amounting to a little over two thousand votes.

Leah Sandock ‘25 interned with the Helfrich campaign beginning in June this past summer and continued working with her through the fall. “Talking to voters was the challenge of a lifetime. It was a beautiful challenge, though, because [...] a lot of the voters in Beth’s district particularly cared about the state level [...] so I was able to get through to a lot of [people].”

Students with various political affiliations across campus had differing opinions on this so-called blue shift. Some, such as President of the Davidson College Libertarians Gabriel Russ-Nachamie ‘27, saw it as common-sense, principled government. “I think North Carolinians sent a clear message last night that they want competent state governance and rejected extreme figures like Mark Robinson, even when it went against their party preference,” Russ-Nachamie noted over email.

Yet, others felt that these Democratic wins were not representative of the election as a whole. Davidson College Republicans President Stephen Walker ‘26 heavily disagreed with the idea that North Carolina succeeded on a Democratic scale. “I would say the Democrat gains made were not substantial since they only barely broke the supermajority

and lost many other statewide elections: appellate and supreme court judges, state auditor, treasurer, labor commissioner, insurance commissioner, commissioner of agriculture, and a lot of new congressional representatives all were Republican victories. The [governor] and [attorney general] were Democrat heading in and remain Democrat, and they only made minor gains in our state legislature. If not for Mark Robinson and his scandals, I am confident we would have won these races too,” he asserted.

Walker believes that the leadership of President-elect Donald Trump played a significant role in North Carolina on a national level, but did not outshine other wins on the local levels. “Obviously Trump did an amazing job campaigning here and winning over independents and moderates needed to carry the state the way he did. But we had a slew of important wins at the state level and still comfortably control the State Senate and House of Representatives,” he said.

Despite the criticism, Democrats remain optimistic and take these small wins where they can amidst a fierce election. “The biggest thing about the campaign [...] for the team was just to take care of ourselves and remember to be proud, because we worked so hard, and it’s just a blessing to have gotten this far. I wish we would have seen some more blue higher up. But we’ll definitely take the wins in North Carolina, because for the first time, I actually feel kind of safe here,” Sandock added.

Perspectives Why Quitting is Important CAMERON UNICE ‘27 (SHE/HER)

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cently, I made the decision to quit the Davidson College track team. This was due to a variety of reasons: a loss of love for the sport, the time commitment, and the feeling that I could be contributing to my community in different ways. It was a really difficult decision, which I stressed and thought about for weeks. The track team had been, and still is, a safe haven, a family, and a group of individuals who all commit themselves to our various disciplines. In the end, I realized my limitations. I knew that I would be more fulfilled in my final two-and-a-half years at Davidson without track than with it.

My decision to leave the team was partly due to the nature of track and field. I began pole vault (yes, the same sport as the guy from Sweden with his girlfriend at the Olympics who were in all the TikTok edits) when I was a freshman in high school. Before that, I had been a gymnast for most of my life. I quickly came to love each technical aspect of the sport. It was similar to the individual nature of gymnastics: competing for a team, sure, but the only person who controls what you do or how you perform is yourself. There are no excuses: bad refs, unfair opponents, or lack of communication with teammates do not exist.

While pole vault may look fairly simple, you have to really hone in on each step of the process to maximize your speed and transfer of energy. When you run, you need to strike under your hip and on the ball of your foot. When you take off, your bottom foot has to stomp in line with your top arm punching, so that no energy is lost. When you swing, you must carry the energy in your top arm while swinging your trail leg to be fully upside down. Then you must push your foot up the pole while dropping your shoulders to turn and invert

over the bar. There are a million things to think about and only about three seconds to execute each step.

In high school and all of last year, I enjoyed this challenge. However, I came to realize that pole vault is 75% mental and only 25% physical. It doesn’t matter how strong or fast I am; if I can’t mentally visualize myself going over the bar and think about how to change my body positions in the air, I won’t be successful. Enjoyment and competitiveness fueled the mental aspect of the sport for me. When the enjoyment aspect broke down, I found it harder and harder to mentally arrive at practice. I became angry and frustrated, and pole vault became dangerous for me. I couldn’t see clearly or feel what to do, and to be honest, I didn’t really want to.

After I arrived at this point, I realized I had two options. I could change my mindset and rework how I viewed pole vault or choose the nuclear option and quit (a term I use lovingly here). I decided that I would give myself four weeks to work on option one and see if I could make a change. After these four weeks, it only got harder to focus because I kept thinking about all of the things I could be doing if I wasn’t pole vaulting. I could be playing club lacrosse or going to hot yoga or getting a job.

After talking to both of my coaches, I made the decision to quit. I’ve been a non-athlete for about a month now and feel like the world is my oyster. I’ve done things I previously only dreamed of, such as the aforementioned hot yoga, IM basketball, and eating dinner at 5:30PM. It’s definitely weird to convert from athlete to non-athlete, but I do find myself having more respect for both sides. Athletes make an incredible time commitment to their sports, which often involves more than just an afternoon practice. Some have 7:00AM lifts and travel for entire weekends, all while squeezing their homework into only a few hours. On the other hand,

non-athletes are often just as busy as athletes. They have commitments to jobs, clubs, or other organizations that require just as much time management as the commitments athletes have.

I wish that both athletes and non-athletes would realize this about the other side. We were all accepted to this school on merit and all have uniquely busy schedules that require us to manage our time wisely.

Athletes and non-athletes alike should learn to realize their limits, something I’m still working toward and will be for at least a little while longer.

Cameron Unice ‘27 is an intended Political Science major from Richmond, VA and can be reached for comment at caunice@davidson.edu.

A Tribute to Student Music

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JAYSON RIVERA ‘27 (HE/HIM)

hen I arrived at Davidson, I was unsure of a lot–a feeling expressed by many college freshmen. What did I want to major in? What did I want to be involved with? Many questions clouded me as I settled in. However, there was one thing I was dead set on: joining a band and playing as many shows as possible. Playing music, especially the guitar, has been a big part of my life since I was eleven years old. I have actively been in a band since middle school.

So, once the Activities Fair rolled around in the fall, student music was the one thing I sought out. Thankfully, it did not take me long to find exactly what I was looking for at WALT 1610’s table. WALT runs a student band initiative (the world’s coolest Google Sheet) that allows students who are looking for musical opportunities outside of something like orchestra or jazz band to put themselves out there and connect with other musicians. Through WALT, I was able to spend my freshman fall meeting and playing with other students.

Later that same semester, Annabel Semans ‘26 reached out to me with an opportunity to play an acoustic set with her as an opener to a Live Thursday act. While I considered that show to be another one-off, I was elated when Annabel approached me again to join Fool’s Errand—a band that she had been forming with Abby Morris ‘24, Paige Pakenas ‘25, Jacob Kim ‘26, and Enzo Guardado ‘27. We practiced for the first time as a collective at the start of my freshman spring. The only concept I can compare it to is love at first sight. The first song we played was “Hard to Handle” by The Black Crowes, and as soon as we started playing, I knew that

I had never felt more in sync with other musicians.

We continued to practice and develop a repertoire before we played our first show about a month later at Kappa Sigma’s Wild West-themed darty. The acclaim that we were met with there showed me that my unrelenting faith in the band was not unfounded. Being able to fill the space with friends and peers who were having a good time was a feeling like no other. For the rest of my freshman spring, we worked to play as much as we could. We were a Woodstock headliner, we won Battle of the Bands, and we played a night show at Nummit.

This year, Fool’s Errand has gained far more momentum. Peter Diugu ‘27 joined us and we performed at the year’s first band party, Walt Cotillion, as well as Live Thursday. We also began playing shows off campus at Old Town Public House and KPub, Annabel and I played with Mipso during their recent visit, and we intend to have more shows at other colleges like Appalachian State, Duke, and LSU. In addition, we hope to work toward original music soon.

Since my introduction to playing in a student band at Davidson, I have worked to immerse myself in every aspect of campus life that stems off of my experience.

I decided to minor in Music, I frequently help WALT treasurer Alex Chudzik ‘26 set up tech for student performances and Patterson Court events, and I aim to attend as many of the other student bands’ performances as I can (my favorites right now are Kill the Feedback and The Sustainability Cooperative). I have met so many of my favorite people through that first opportunity I was given during my freshman year.

I wholeheartedly encourage anyone who is passionate about anything, whether it’s music or not, to use David

-son’s abundant resources to do or create what they love. Despite how much I could rave about my own experience, I think that everything I have both seen and done is emblematic of two of the best parts of Davidson: both the student initiative and the resources that exist here feel unparalleled, and I love seeing them work in tandem. You can see this everywhere, from fundraisers for hurricane relief to new clubs that create and build amazing communities to events as niche as Tiny DACE concerts. The commonality that exists between all of these is how innately Davidson-esque they feel through their commitment, integrity, and authenticity.

Initially, it did not feel fitting to commemorate or describe my experience so early into my Davidson career.

But that could be what is most exciting about all of this—there is still so much that lies ahead. That may be a stressful concept to some, but I have employed it as a mantra, which has led me to feel significantly more productive and fulfilled. I believe that anyone who feels aimless, freshman or otherwise, should jump at any interesting opportunity they see. Regardless of how well it goes, making that effort is definitely worth it.

Jayson Rivera ‘27 is an intended English major and Music minor from Middletown, Delaware and can be reached for comment at jarivera@davidson.edu.

Sports

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Excellence on Offense and Defense Marks Men’s Basketball Opener

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COLIN DECKER ‘27 (HE/HIM) SPORTS WRITER

ince March, the air had been still at Bob McKillop Court in Belk Arena, and loyal Davidson fans and students have anxiously awaited the return of “Sweet Caroline” and Wildcats hoops. On Monday, November 4th, the wait ended, and the stillness was broken.

While the squeak of sneakers and the smell of popcorn flooded the atmosphere, the team, lead by Coach Matt McKillop ‘06, was set to face the William Peace Pacers. An offseason full of questions, speculations, and a little hope had reached its culmination. As students filed into Section 30, the pregame hype video harkened back to Davidson players and teams of old. The starting lineup—Bobby Durkin ‘27, Mike Loughnane ‘27, Reed Bailey ‘26, Sean Logan ‘26, and Connor Kochera ‘25—took the floor sporting new uniforms, and from the opening tip (which Davidson won) there was no looking back.

After a few opening minutes without a basket, Kochera scored the inaugural points of the 2024-25 season with a pair of free throws. Kochera continued to score well, finishing the first half with thirteen points. Despite the solid numbers, scoring was not the first priority for Kochera. “The key to my success was taking the game as it came to me, [and] not trying to force anything. I want to have an aggressive mentality out there, but I want to make the right plays. [Monday’s] game was all about making the right play,” Kochera said.

As the scoring picked up for the ‘Cats, the defense remained stout. Davidson held William Pace under double-digit scoring for the majority of the first half. Coach McKillop elaborated on the defensive success, stating, “We have physicality. We have size and length that allows us to be in gaps [and] force turnovers. We have defensive instincts that can allow us to be really good.”

The Wildcats were more than good Monday night, forcing thirteen turnovers in the first half while only having six themselves. Their stingy defense held the Pacers to just 20.8% shooting from the floor in the first half.

With the contributions of welcome new additions like fifthyear transfer Zach Laput and Roberts Blums ‘28—who had an exceptionally beautiful drive and dish to Logan for a layup early in the half—Davidson shot a solid 50% from the floor and went into halftime up 44-17.

Logan opened the second half with a two-handed slam, setting the tone for what proved to be another dominant half from Davidson. Loughnane knocked down a transition threepointer, which gave way to back-to-back threes from Durkin.

Kochera attributed the consistent play on both ends of the floor to the team’s focus. “Our team showed a great amount of energy and focus as we were preparing for this first game.

That energy and focus persisted throughout the whole game.

That energy and focus led to unselfishness on the court, [which] helped us keep the lead throughout the whole game,” Kochera said.

Despite William Peace’s offense improving in the second

half, the Wildcats’ defense still held steadfast. The Pacers’ field goal percentage improved to 40.7%, but turnovers persisted, with the team coughing the ball up nine more times in the second half.

At the five minute mark, Manie Joses ‘28 levitated for a slam that put the exclamation point on a stellar night for Davidson. From there, it was smooth sailing. The ‘Cats rifled off another forty-four points on an even better shooting percentage of 52%. Reserves Brock Matheny ‘26 and Luke Zimmerman ‘25 were given some run, and Davidson closed the book on the first game of the new season.

Kochera finished the night leading all scorers with nineteen, much to the delight of a complimentary Coach McKillop.

“He brings a lot of versatility in every facet; [h]e’s a brilliant, smart player who knows how to make adjustments and correct himself,” Coach McKillop said of his fifth-year senior.

While excited by the win, Kochera knows the grind is only beginning for the Wildcats. “It’s a great win; [we] love kicking off the season with a win of that caliber. We’re confident [...] but we’ve got a long way to go, so we’re just taking it one game at a time,” Kochera said. The Wildcats will tip off away against Bowling Green on Friday, November 8th, at 7PM.

Zimmerman Gets His Long-Awaited Shot A One-on-One Interview with Luke Zimmerman ‘25

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JENNEVIEVE CULVER ‘25 (SHE/HER) SPORTS CO-EDITOR

uke Zimmerman ‘25 earned a spot on the Davidson men’s basketball team this year after serving as a manager for the team and the president of club basketball previously. Jennevieve Culver ‘25 from The Davidsonian sat down with Zimmerman to hear more about his experience with the men’s basketball program.

Q: Can you share a bit about your journey with basketball? When did you start playing, and what did it look like to go from that point to playing at Davidson?

A: I started playing in third grade, just in a recreational league on the weekends. I went on to play in middle school and high school. I was sort of thinking about playing in college, but it was not my priority in picking a school—academics and fit were more important to me. I had talked to a few coaches, but wasn’t on an all-out pursuit to play in college. My high school senior season being canceled due to COVID-19 didn’t help. I was upset to miss the season but didn’t really think about it from a recruiting standpoint. When my high school coaches found out I was going to Davidson, they mentioned that they knew about the large roles for walk-ons and managers here, and encouraged me to get involved with Davidson’s basketball program. I reached out to the Davidson coaches, came to watch some workouts when I got to campus my freshman year, and have been involved since.

Q: What was it like playing on the club basketball team in your first three years at Davidson?

A: Club basketball has probably been one of my favorite activities at Davidson. I’ve played since my freshman year, and partway through my sophomore year I became an officer. Being a manager is so time-intensive that some are less involved with the club team, but I always loved the opportunity to compete live and play against other schools in an environment where I’m one of the better players. This year, I have stayed involved with the club team as president and have helped out with coaching, but I do truly miss playing

at the club level.

Q: What was it like learning the ropes of Davidson basketball early on?

A: Some of the basketball lingo Davidon uses is very unique and was difficult to grasp early on. At first, I was unsure if these were just regular well-known basketball terms that everyone uses and I was the only one who didn’t know them.

Learning the Davidson basketball language and the terms for all the plays and actions definitely took time to get used to.

Q: Can you share what it’s like to be a manager?

A: It really is an all-encompassing role, one that can change by the day—whatever is asked of you, whatever the coaches ask of you, whatever the players ask of you is what your role then becomes. It’s a huge time commitment. Being a manager might even be more of a time commitment than being a player. You come to practices and games early to set up, help in workouts with players one-on-one, help coaches work out with players, deal with food orders on road trips, track statistics during games, etc. It’s definitely both a very involved and time-intensive role.

Q: You joined the Davidson basketball program at a phenomenal time your freshman year—what do you remember about the team and that season?

A: It was awesome to be part of a March Madness team, a team that came very close to winning the A-10 tournament, that was A-10 regular season champions. I enjoyed learning so much from all of the coaches. It was a phenomenal shooting team, a very talented group to be around, just a lot of fun.

Q: What is your favorite memory of your time with the Davidson basketball program?

A: The day I found out I made the team is definitely my best memory. This past summer, I had come down to Davidson for a little over a month for summer workouts. The last day of training involved some more fun, less serious drills. The last thing we were doing that day was shooting three-quarter court shots. Everyone just got one attempt. I made my attempt. I wasn’t thinking much of it. Afterwards, we were

Women’s Volleyball Standings Team

Standings Update

Dayton VCU Loyola Chicago Davidson George Washington Duquesne George Mason Saint Louis Fordham Rhode Island

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L

STK PCT

14 12 9 9 8 4 4 4 3 3

0 2 5 5 6 10 10 10 11 11

W14 W10 W5 W2 W3 L5 L5 L3 L2 L4

1.000 .857 .643 .643 .571 .286 .286 .286 .214 .214

huddling and Coach McKillop turned to me and said, “Since you made that shot, you’ve earned a spot on the team.” Apparently he turned to one of the assistant coaches and said, “Should we just tell him now?” Obviously it wasn’t because I made the shot—I think they were planning on telling me at the team meeting the following week—but they decided to go ahead and tell me then. That was the best feeling.

Q: For anyone who might not know, would you give an explanation of what the process of going from a manager to walking onto the basketball team at Davidson looks like?

A: I think every situation is a little bit different, but when I came in my freshman year I really had no idea what to expect. I tried out for the team, really with no high hopes. I was told there wasn’t a spot for me at the time, but if I stayed involved as a manager there could potentially be a spot for me down the line. A similar thing happened my sophomore year. Those two years I was mostly focusing on my role as manager and didn’t get many opportunities to play in practice aside from hopping in a drill here and there. My junior year I played a lot more in practice on the scout team. After my junior year, the conversation around me joining the team opened up again, and the coaches had seen me play enough junior year that it almost served as a tryout. I still was never certain there would be a spot for me until that day this summer though.

Q: How do you feel about Davidson’s prospects for the season?

A: I feel optimistic about the season. Our shooting ability was one of the main problems the past couple of years and that seems to have gotten a lot better. We’ll just have to see how this translates into games, and if we can put it all together.

Q: What is getting you excited about the upcoming season?

A: I just enjoy playing in practice every day and pushing my teammates to be their best and get better.

Arts and Entertainment 6 Yes And... So Much More!

LUCY SHUKER ‘25 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER

O

ops! Improv Comedy is Davidson’s best (and only) improv group. At the start of each year, Oops! members move in early for orientation to meet and interact with new first-years to create the “Davidson Show,” a comedic film about the craziness that comes with moving into college. Oops! holds auditions at the start of each semester in search of new talent. “I tried out on a whim, fully not expecting it to be anything,” current Co-President Amelio Aragona ‘25 said. “I was googling ‘What is improv?’ the night before the audition.”

Many people hear the word “improv” and believe it to be easy, disrespecting the nuances behind the art form. There’s an audition process to join Oops! for a reason, and the success of the group depends on working well together, which is why they make sure to foster a close environment. “It doesn’t really feel like a club, it’s like these are my friends,” Jacob Kim ‘26 explained.

The members of Oops! pose for a photo before their opening show this year. Photo from the Oops! Instagram.

Oops! has two rehearsals a week and frequently socializes over dinners and other non-club-related activities in order to bond as a group. Feeling comfortable with each other is crucial to making improv fun for the members and entertaining for the audience. “They’re people I’m proud to surround myself with and am inspired by,” Drohan Lord ‘26 said. Part of why Oops! can put on engaging shows is because of the selection process for new members, which requires current members to envision how those auditioning would fit into the preexisting dynamic of the group, thereby ensuring they can continue the club’s legacy when the upperclassmen graduate.

Oops! seeks out fast learners who can think on their feet.

Many current members did not have much experience with improv before auditioning, but they were able to pick it up with time and practice. Aragona explained that improv is a developed “skill, [and is] not innate.” The group rehearses frequently to build this skill to put on the best shows they can. The older members train the new members on what jokes are appropriate and viable for the other members to build off during a scene.

Comedy is subjective, but there are certain standards the members must meet. Kim emphasized that there is a difference between making a joke and making fun of others. He asserted that people wanting to audition must “know how to walk the line of being respectful and funny.”

Aragona agreed, adding that improv “taps into another kind of intelligence: emotional intelligence.” Mocking specific groups or experiences is not comedy, and Oops! ensures their members understand this distinction. They explained how there have been instances of people auditioning and being generally funny and quick-witted, but once they cross the line and make someone uncomfortable, they are immediately no longer considered for the group. Improv is about laughing with other people, not at them, and Oops! members hold each other to this standard.

Besides entertaining Davidson students,​​the group also changes its members for the better. “It’s cool to make other people laugh and have fun with your friends, but it’s [also] helped me a lot. After my first year, I was no longer nervous to speak in front of a room of people. College was really intimidating for me when I first started it, and Oops! gave me this newfound confidence in my voice and my ability to carry myself,”Ara-

gona explained. It’s not easy to step in front of a crowd and crack jokes. Aragona understood this challenge and has been embracing it throughout his time here. “Part of [trying new things] is that they’re scary, and improv is cool because you learn to just do things scared. Let yourself be nervous while you do something. That is okay,” Aragona stated. Lord, too, views improv as a unique way to engage with a deeper part of himself, describing it as “a way to think outside of the box and nourish your childlike wonder.”

Oops! dutifully practices their improv skills at their weekly meetings. Photo from the Oops! Instagram.

Oops! has their next show on November 14th. Aragona revealed that “it will be mock trial-themed, like Judge Judy or The People’s Court. It will be half improvised court session and half BYOG (bring your own grievance) to the Oops! judges.”

Attending these improv shows is the perfect way to get to know Oops! and perhaps participate yourself, as improv relies on the audience. Come to the next Oops! show to learn more about and get involved with improv at Davidson.

Lucy Shuker ‘25 is an English major from Atlanta, GA and can be reached for comment at lushuker@davidson.edu.

Dionysia Turns Davidson College Into East High ANNIE GOLDSTEIN ‘28 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER

D

avidson’s student-run Dionysia Theatre Company brought fan favorite High School Musical: On Stage! to the Duke Family Performance Hall for four performances over the first weekend of November. Davidson students acted, sang, danced, directed, and even designed and constructed the set for this high-energy show.

The audience laughed and sang along with the thespians throughout the performance.

The cast of High School Musical performing in the Duke Family Performance Hall.

Photo by Annie Goldstein ‘28.

Hannah Holmes ‘26 and Jake McGraw ‘25 took on the daunting responsibility of directing the musical. Holmes, who became involved with Dionysia in the fall of last year, explained how she saw another Davidson musical, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, and knew that she wanted to be a part of this group. “I have to do this,” she emphasized when reflecting on her decision to join the company. Holmes performed in the musical The Prom and said it, “reignited her passion for theater.”

High School Musical: On Stage! is Holmes’s first directorial role with Dionysia.

She emphasized how crucial each member of the High School Musical team is. “There is so much merit in student theater. Everyone was pitching in to help build sets and make costumes. Everyone had to be working 110%. [...] It was so surreal watching it all come together,” she described.

McGraw joined Dionysia in 2022. “The president at the time reached out to me asking if I’d be treasurer. I’ve been acting in the shows and helping out in any way I can ever since,” he stated. As co-director, McGraw described the challenges of gathering resources to fund and operate the production.

“Finding rehearsal spaces, making sure we have enough money for everything we need, and just generally having to find creative ways around problems that a larger company wouldn’t face have been the most difficult parts of the production.”

Some students, such as Sharpay actress Charlotte Frampton ‘27, made grand returns to the stage. Frampton had been involved in various roles for Dionysia, including Amy in Little Women and Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof. Her character Sharpay is known for her sass, and Frampton enthralled the crowd each time she took the stage. The musical’s show-stopping numbers “What I’ve Been Looking For” and “Bop to the Top” gave Frampton plenty of opportunity to show off her talent.

“I love performing on stage,” Frampton said. “In the words of Troy Bolton and Gabriela Montez, it feels like I’m ‘soaring’ and ‘flying.’ I find performing so freeing and fun. I can live a life I would have never gotten to live. Dancing and singing are my favorite [activities] and a great emotional release.”

Audience members had lots of positive feedback after the shows. Laura Aycock ‘28

Actors performing “Stick to the Status Quo.” Photo by Annie Goldstein ‘28. adored the final performance, which was a mashup of all the show’s most popular musical acts. The mix contained snippets of songs such as “Start of Something New,” “We’re All in this together,” “Breaking Free,” and many more. “It stole the show [...] I was singing those songs all night,” she said.

Audience member Kira McGinnis’s ‘28 favorite part of the show was “when there were three entirely different scenes going on ontsage: the scholastic decathlon, the basketball game, and the audition.” Her favorite song was “Stick to the Status Quo.” The cast and crew reflected on their favorite moments from the production. “Getting to know the cast has been the best part of this process! They are all so wonderful and talented and it has been so fun blending our creative voices together into a single production,” McGraw stated. The show’s choreographer, Leigha Hofmann ‘25, described how some of the best moments happened behind the scenes. “We made tons of memes and had lots of inside jokes. I love working with such a close cast,” she said.

Holmes explained that when the cast started

learning the choreography of “We’re All In This Together,” everything fell into place.

“There were so many moments I thought it couldn’t get better, and then it did,” she said.

It is easy to see how much hard work and dedication went into each part of this performance. From the set design to the musical composition, the collaborative efforts of every member of the cast, crew, and creative team were essential in order to bring this show to life. It is safe to say that the Davidson community can’t wait to see what the Dionysia Theatre Company will bring to us next.

Annie Goldstein ‘28 is an undecided major from Charleston, SC and can be reached for comment at angoldstein@davidson.edu.

Living Davidson

Tell Us How Politically Involved You Are and We’ll Predict Your Post-Election Mental Status!

‘Twas the week of the election, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The electoral map was hung from the railing with care, in the hopes that a certain candidate would soon be there. The students all waited there about, like tires that really needed some air out.

How many political organizations are you involved with on campus?

A - I’m part of the “Silent 500.”

B - None. I’m only a member of fun and cool organizations like the Virginity Club!

C - I follow my party’s college chapter on Instagram.

D - I’m involved in every single politically-minded club on campus, I regularly canvass for my candidates, and I’m singlehandedly keeping their merch stores in business.

To test your political knowledge, which of these is not a quote from either Donald Trump or Kamala Harris?

A - “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.”

B - “Do you mind if I sit back a little?

Because your breath is very bad.”

C - “People assume I’m a boiler ready to explode, but I actually have very low blood pressure, which is shocking to people.”

D - “I don’t believe the Moon Landing was faked and I don’t believe 9/11 was an ‘inside job’ but if I found both were true… I wouldn’t be surprised.”

How did you vote?

A - Oh crap, I completely forgot. So this is what everyone has been talking about?

B - I stood in line on Election Day. C - I voted twice, both here in North Carolina and through a mail-in ballot in my home state. Every vote counts, baby!

D - I did early voting here in Davidson, instead of my hometown, to maximize my vote. I also made endless amounts of Canva graphics informing others on how to do the same.

How accurate was your prediction of the Electoral College map?

A - I’m part of the “Silent 500.”

B - People were betting on those? Damn, I could’ve made some money.

C - Pretty accurate, but don’t tell the Honor Council I chose mine based on an Instagram story I reposted.

D - Not only did I correctly predict the last Electoral College, but I also predicted this one. And I’m making another shirt to celebrate.

Mostly D’s:

Mostly A’s:

You’re doing swell. A little too swell. Don’t you know the country’s at stake?!

Mostly B’s:

Aw, shucks. This situation’s not ideal, but what’s a girl (gender-neutral) to do?

Crime Log Time Reported 11/01/24, 01:36 hrs 11/01/24, 14:00 hrs

Description/Location Assault Offenses: Simple Assault (X2); Assault Offenses: Assault on a Female Richardson, Inactive Sex Offenses: First Degree Forcible Sexual Offense Watts, Further Investigation

11/01/24, 22:40 hrs

Alcohol Offenses: Consume by Person Under 21 Chidsey, Inactive

11/01/24, 22:50 hrs

Alcohol Offenses: Consume by Person Under 21 PCC #10, Inactive

11/02/24, 00:04 hrs

Alcohol Offenses: Consume by Person Under 21 Richardson, Inactive

**11/02/24, 01:04 hrs

Crime Against Nature Offenses: Secretly Using or Installing a Photographic Imaging Device (G.S. 14-202) Main Campus, Further Investigation

**We will elaborate on this crime in next week’s issue. Please be on the lookout for more information.

Mostly C’s:

Now that the election’s over, you can finally relax a little bit, even if the outcome wasn’t ideal.

Woah, woah, woah! Don’t sit down for even a second– you’ve still got just as much work to do. You need to start preparing for the 2028 presidential election immediately. The devil works hard, but political campaigns work harder! And you are not immune.

SGA Updates Campus Outreach: Compiled data from the SGA survey sent earlier in the fall and presented findings. The committee will continue to use this data to make recommendations to the SGA. Food and Housing: Advocated for and successfully acquired additional trash reciprocals in Belk Hall to address the issue of rats.

Accessibility and Student Affairs: Reached out to the head of Physical Plant about making the path to Wall more accessible. Decided to add a shuttle that departs at 11PM on Saturday, November 23rd for Thanksgiving Break. Adding in three time slots for the returning Sunday.

Other Updates: SGA wants to hear from students about their thoughts regarding on-campus resources for mental health. If you would be interested in taking part in one of these conversations, email sga@ davidson.edu.

The

Yowl

Irreverent student journalism since 2004. Castigat Ridendo Mores. yowl.com/plswriteusstuff

inside

Disney Copy- Nummit Baristas Give Guy Dressed as Che right Lawyers Out Quotes of the Day; Guevara for HallowDescend Upon Line Is Longer Than een Gets Historical Davidson Commons at Noon Revolution Fiji Party Page High Page Live Laugh Luv Entirely Wrong Page Bay of Pigs Party School Musical

I Lived It: I Was Forced to be Scrappy-Doo for Group

H

ave you ever worried that you were the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend), like from the hit 2015 film “The DUFF,” of your friend group? Well, this weekend I discovered I was. When planning our group Halloween costume, I was constantly left with the worst characters. Originally, we planned to go as American Girl Dolls. While my other friends got to be Maryellen, who learns through the power of friendship that being different is okay, and Melody, who learns the importance of family and embracing herself for who she is, they wanted me to be Emily, who is forced to seek asylum in America after her house is bombed in World War II. After I rejected that one, they said I could be Nellie, who works as a maid, servant, and factory worker in order to lift her family out of poverty. (Editors’ Note: Despite our disbelief, these are all canonically accurate backstories for American Girl Dolls. Please consult americangirldollnews.com for more in-

H

The

Yowl

WRITERS The Eds

What Your Type of Cough Says About You

Local EMTs Weigh In: If You’re Getting Transported, It’s a Skill Issue

Page Sickly

Page Woo Woo Wagon

formation). We then went through a bunch of different costume ideas. They suggested we go as Expo markers, but I had to be one that lost its cap. Then they said we should go as bees from the “Bee Movie,” except I was one of the bees that got fumigated. We eventually reached our final decision of being the Mystery Gang. I was so excited to be Velma, since I already wear the entire outfit on a daily basis and have gone through twenty pairs of glasses this school year alone. But when it came time to split the characters up, I had to be Scrappy-Doo. My friends invited people we haven’t talked to since freshman year to be the Mystery Machine and even a box of Scooby Snacks, so the only character I could be was Scrappy. Someone even got the role of the flashlight that they use to investigate.

My costume was historically unpopular and I got ridiculed all over campus. I think this is a sign that I’m the DUFF after all. :(

Recapping Election Day Before it Happens

ere at The Yowl we unfortunately have to publish all of our articles on Tuesday, so regrettably we will not be able to provide you with any insight on the outcome of the election. Regrettably, neither will the political science majors in your life either, but that’s really just because their major relies solely on theory and not any actual control over elections, which are decided by the untameable will of the public. Nevertheless, we are going out on a limb and declaring the results and offering analysis before the election begins.

First, a preview of the most important event of the night. Be prepared to stay up late, as the final results will not be confirmed until very late because of the Pacific Standard Time. There’s been hype and buildup all year, and guaranteed tension will arise. The meeting between the San Jose Sharks and the Columbus Blue Jackets on November 5th was more than able to live up to its billing as the most important event of the night. A battle between two of the worst hockey teams last year, this will serve as a catalyst for a rebuild the likes of which the United States has never seen.

They say Ohio is always a key swing state and that remains the case this year: will a win allow the faithful fans of the Blue Jackets to rally their season in support of another year of tremendous hockey in Central Ohio? All eyes will be on Ohio on Tuesday night, as this key swing state waits to see the outcome of the election of their next main scoring threat. Oh, and also they typically decide something about a presidential election or something like that. This will likely be made irrelevant by the protests to come after the inevitable disaster in Ohio arises again (an Ohio State loss to the University of Michigan in football). What is Joe Biden’s plan to address the national crisis of having to watch Ohio State fall short in big games once again?

If you want to focus on the election and not two of the least relevant hockey teams playing each

The Post-Halloween Issue

November 7, 2024

other like a huge nerd, that’s your prerogative, but we do have a few predictions for you. After all of the buzz of a recent poll from the Des Moines Register, we can officially confirm that Iowa will in fact not go red this year. That’s right folks: Jill Stein will win Iowa. The least relevant candidate and the least relevant state have joined forces to try to gain national attention. It has not worked, and we will move on to further predictions Other great showings for key candidates in battleground states, such as Vermin Supreme and newly minted North Texas man Literally Anybody Else (google him, this man is totally committed to the bit) will help make Austin, and the larger Texas electorate, weird again. To this end, The Yowl can confidently announce that Texas will be too preoccupied dealing with some random hijinks and shenanigans to remember to turn in their votes. Texas will return zero electoral votes. Nobody will get any points from the second largest state in the nation.

Upon not having enough electoral votes to decide on a president, the nation will be forced to split time between the two candidates, like a child of divorce. Donald Trump will get to be the president on weekends and federally-recognized holidays, while Kamala Harris will be president for weekdays and the majority of the year. The vice presidential nominees will then participate in a duel at dawn to decide who remains in power in their mostly ornamental role—Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton style. This concession was offered to satisfy the vocal theater kid voter bloc.

The rest of the cabinet will be decided via rock, paper, scissors, while the secretary of the interior will be decided by a game of Ro-Sham-Bo to satisfy voters who speak in a Midwestern regional dialect. Lower level circuit court judges must place a game of 3v3 pickup basketball to decide which candidate is eligible to pick them for their judicial post.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“My dad’s in Charlotte!”

“He got out of the mental hospital?!”

- Casual Commons Convo

Students for Imperialism Announced to Counter Students Against Imperialism Page Devil’s Advocate

Guy Disappointed to Learn it Was Not “Rocky IV” Picture Showing

A

fter preparing to start his Halloweekend with a smash, Sophomore Jonathan Fratman was disappointed to learn he had entirely misjudged the movie showing at Live Thursday for Halloween. Despite his excitement for what he believed was a “Rocky IV” picture showing, he was devastated to learn the movie was instead “Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

“I was really shocked at the costumes and outfits of people when I walked in, which is when I started to realize there may not be any boxing after all,” he said. Reports indicated that Fratman did in fact also show up in costume, but his exact replica of Ivan Drago did not fit in at all, although the name did sound like that of a character in drag in the film.

Performers dedicated to method acting as

one of Tim Curry’s lesser roles (The Yowl is a pro-“Clue” publication) were shocked to see this very confused man wander in expecting a fight. “He seemed to really enjoy the show, but he did ask me when Sylvester Stallone was going to show up,” said an anonymous source.

“This was nowhere near what I was expecting, but I actually had a delightful time,” Fratman added. “While my preparation to recount the entire in-ring death scene of Apollo Creed really did not fit with this crowd, it was a great environment.” Sources say Fratman appeared to have left “Rocky Horror Picture Show” as “a changed man” who “was wearing a number of fishnets on the way out, and seemed to have really found a new version of himself” at Live Thursday.

Crime Log Time Reported

Description/Location

10/31/24, 01:15 hrs

Campus Polic Officer Accidentally Runs Over Gnome Chidsey, Inactive

10/31/24, 03:37 hrs

Hunting Without a Permit, Two Birds One Stone Daley, Manslaughter, Case Closed

10/31/24, 11:85 hrs

Identity Theft, Various Alvin and the Chipmunks Kappa Sigma, Ongoing Investigation

10/31/24, 00:01 hrs

Blocking a Fire Exit, Everyone in Large Inflatable Costumes F, Inactive

10/31/24, 11:47 hrs

Arson Ryburn, Nice and Crispy Destroying Top of Lamp Post Baker

11/01/24, 10:01 hrs 11/02/24, 04:20 hrs

11/02/24, 11:46 hrs

Not Technically a Crime, But Still Has to Not Be Allowed Somehow: Dressing Up as ‘Blind Refs’ to Flirt Brickhouse, Unrecovered Indecent Exposure, Everyone Who Went Shirtless for Some Reason Way Too Many Locations, Inactive

11/03/24, 10:22 hrs

Trespassing Swamp apprehended by Lord Farquaad

11/04/24, 06:39 hrs

Injuring a Child During a Time-Out at a Basketball Game Baker, Apology Not Accepted

11/02/24, 09:93 hrs

Fraud, Multiple Loraxes Turner

Things I Observed on Halloweekend - Guys Dressed as Aliens Scanning People - Too Many Smurfs and Trails of Blue Paint - Couch Fermenting From All the Beer Spilled On It - Christmas - Middle School Biker Gang

Note: The Yowl is a satirical supplement to The Davidsonian.

Hence, nothing in it should be taken as truth.