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Peter Beck ‘25 interviews military analyst, Michael Koffman
Volume 122, Issue 08
November 29, 2023
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Susanna Deal ‘25 reflects on her experiences as a transfer student
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Emma Buehrer ‘24 provides insight on student-led art initiatives on campus
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The Yowl employs their psych majors to ask readers: are you becoming your parents?
Mayor Rusty Knox Re-elected to Fourth Term
ABBY SMETANA ‘27 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER
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he results are in! Davidson Mayor Rusty Knox was recently elected for his fourth two-year term after running unopposed in the 2023 election. During his first run for office in 2017, Knox ran on the platform of opposing developments on land originally purchased with the intent of creating a park. During his tenure as mayor, Knox blocked the commercial development project, preserving the land’s continued use as a park. A down to earth, well-spoken man, Knox defies easy categorization. He serves as town mayor yet “hate[s] politics”; he dislikes the performing politicians engage in, yet he regularly performs his 300+ original songs; he says he “wields influence” as mayor yet not power. A native of Davidson, Knox is intimately familiar with the college and the town. “[My mom] was a secretary for Francis Johnson, who was the Dean of Students at the time,” Knox said. “As a child, I used to walk…over to the college and my mom would be busy, so she would farm me out to one of three professors that would take me to the old Student Union and get me a grilled cheese and a cherry Coke.” The town of Davidson had a population of 1,500 during Knox’s younger years. Today, the number is 15,000. Despite the population growth, Knox emphasizes Davidson’s lasting “small town values.” “Kids still play on the green,” Knox said. “You still run around the campus. You’re an elementary school kid and your parents take you to the football games.” Now as Mayor, Knox works to preserve Davidon’s character.
“One of my long-term goals when I first ran for office was to create a more livable environment in town, both in affordability and sustainability.” Knox’s policies have resulted in steps toward a more environmentally conscious community: a compost program began, six electric vehicle charging stations were
“I fight every day for affordable living in Davidson and then as a realtor, it’s a paradox,” Knox said. “I have to look you in the eye and say it’s $650,000 just to get in.” Last year, the town conducted a year-long affordable housing needs assessment. The results of the study determined that in order for the demand for affordable housing in
Davidson Mayor Rusty Knox has familial ties to the Davidson community. added, and improvements in walkability were made. With efforts in sustainability “off and running” Knox and the town commission is looking to hire someone in 2024 to spearhead the fledgling sustainability department. Right now, the department is “a marriage of our public works department, parks and rec, and economic development promotes it.” The high cost of living in Davidson poses a more difficult challenge. Knox is a realtor by trade and has been selling real estate for 29 years, which gives him unique insight into the property market difficulties the town faces.
Davidson to be met, around 580 affordable living units must be built. “Anytime we get 4 units built or 8 units built, it’s a win, you know? It moves the needle.” Knox thinks everyone who wants to move to Davidson should have the opportunity to, regardless of their income level. In his view, the idea that people intentionally pick Davidson as a place to live and call home adds to its character. “For me, corporate America doesn’t move you to Davidson,” Knox said. “Corporate America moves you to Charlotte, to Raleigh,
to Greensboro. You find Davidson. You choose to move to Davidson for better schools, for quality of life, for small town, for Main Street, for Davidson College.” Knox is also pushing for the relocation of town services into separate offices. In 2019, residents voted overwhelmingly for a $14 million bond package that went towards renovating the old elementary school into the Town Hall. Before then, town administration, the fire department, and police department all shared what is now the Russell B. Knox Municipal Building for Public Safety—named for Knox’s father, who was also mayor of Davidson. Knox hopes to use a town-owned two-acre plot on Griffith Street to break ground on Fire Station number one “If we [move the fire station] out of the Old Town Hall basement, that building can be law enforcement in perpetuity,” Knox said. “We’ll never need another fire department, never need another police station, never need another Town Hall.” Mayor Knox’s ambitious vision for the town cannot exist in a vacuum. Knox was impressed by student turnout during a non-presidential election year but wants “the students to be more engaged than they already are.” The College and the town have always been intertwined, and Knox intends on capitalizing on that relationship inorder to accomplish some of his own policy goals. “Together we can move the needle… and collectively, the two of us can make a change… [the challenge is] just collectively coming up with that thing everybody wants to be involved in.”
Students Concerned with Safety on Campus SAVANNAH SORGHAN ‘27 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER
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he Blue Light Call Boxes are a system of emergency phones around campus that allow students and staff on campus to quickly get intouch with public safety officials in the case of an emergency. The Blue Light System is highlighted as a part of Davidson’s safety procedures and emphasized on campus tours. However, many of the lights on campus are not in working use. The emergency phones are supposed to provide immediate two way communication with the caller and public safety or campus police. Several of the posts on Davidson’s campus are covered with “out of order” signs. Nadia Horak ‘27 was unsettled when she realized that the system isn’t fully working. “I thought only one of them was out of order, the one by Carnegie Guest House…I thought it was scary, especially because I care about my friends a lot and they are even more concerned about being alone at night,” Horak said. Many students are unaware of the issues with the Blue Light System on campus, which poses a problem for those who rely on it for a sense of safety. “If other people from outside the [Davidson College] community know that the Blue Lights aren’t working, and they
were going to harm Dvaidson students, they could feel more comfortable coming on to campus to do something bad,” said Maggie Dugery ‘27. Kim Nikles ‘90 is a parent of a first year student and is concerned about an apparent lack in public safety resources. “It is alarming as a parent, who wants her kids to be safe, when these resources aren’t available,” Nikles said. Campus police did not respond to a request for comment, but according to the college’s website. According to Campus Safety Magazine, many college campuses rely on the Blue Light Emergency Phones system because it has been related to enrollment gains. Research demonstrated that universities and colleges with increased security measures have higher enrollment rates. “[Campus safety measures] were really important to me and when colleges had Blue Light systems, it did make me feel better about the school,” Nikles said. According to the campus website, the college’s crime prevention philosophy is one of “eliminating or minimizing criminal opportunity whenever possible, and encouraging students and employees to be responsible for their own safety and security.” Although in present times many students carry their cell phones on them and there has been a decrease in their use, the Blue Light Emergency Phones, across campuses nationwide, are shown to help deter crimes. According to the
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U.S. Department of Justice’s Special Report on Campus Law Enforcement from 2011-2012, 92% of all college campuses in America were reported to have a Blue Light system. According to the U.S. Department of Education Campus Safety and Security, in 2019, Davidson reported 218 on-campus incidents related to student crime and safety which works out to 118.67 incidents per 1,000 students. In comparison to other schools, in 2019 UNC at Chapel Hill reported 23.23 incidents per 1,000 students and UNC at Charlotte reported 18.84 incidents per 1000 students. Reina Sevintuna ‘25 is the Survivor Support and Administrative Advocacy Chair (SSAAC) of the Davidson Students Against Sexual Violence Club (SSAV). Through her experience as the SSAAC for SASV, Sevintuna thinks the Blue Light System is important to have. “ I have spoken to many students throughout my 3 years as the Title IX / SSAAC Chair and I have seen a need in Davidson for such a system,” said Sevintuna “our campus would be a safer place for our students, specifically our survivors, if we could reimplement the Blue Light System.” Currently, students feel that Davidson is lacking one of its vital safety measures. “It shouldn’t be on us as students to make ourselves safe. We trust our institution to do that and it doesn’t feel like they are,” Horak said.
News
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A Commonsgiving Collage: Joy and Pie
Photos from the 2022 and 2023 Commonsgiving Celebration. Photos from Davidson Dining Service’s Instagram
Q&A With Military Analyst Michael Koffman Expert on Russia and Ukraine War Speaks at Davidson
PETER BECK ‘25 (HE/HIM) STAFF WRITER
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ichael Kofman is a renowned expert on the Russian military and a senior fellow in the Russia and Eurasia Program at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. We sat down to discuss Russia’s war with Ukraine and his expectations for the coming months. This interview was edited for clarity and concision. PB: Let’s start with a 10,000-foot view. What phase is the war in right now? MK: The main fighting for this year is winding down. We had a major Ukrainian offensive that’s now culminated and a Russian offensive that was much more localized. Both sides are looking to make gains before the winter sets in. Once it’s winter, you’ll have another period of attritional fighting, but it will be more difficult for either side to make progress. PB: With the Ukrainian offensive now culminating, what are your expectations for 2024? MK: 2024 is going to be a difficult year. I don’t see the US and European countries having enough ammunition to support a major Ukrainian offensive. Ukraine is going to have to try to both pressure Russian forces and reconstitute its own military capability. On the Russian side, I don’t think Russia can establish a decisive advantage. But if you look at the production of artillery ammunition of drones and missiles, their output is notably up and increasing. It’s hard to speak to Russian offensive potential because I don’t see great opportunities for them. Certainly not without another wave of partial mobilization. But the prospects next year from Ukraine’s standpoint. Well, they’re not terrible, but they’re not great. PB: How should we rate the success of this summer’s Ukrainian offensive? MK: It’s true the offensive didn’t attain the main objectives, but it did impose a fairly significant amount of losses on the Russian
Micheal Kofman. Photo from Foreign Policy Reseacrch Institute website. military. The offensive was rather costly for the Russian military to defend against. It will be very difficult for Russia to generate additional combat power to create new units without another wave of mobilization. The other good news from this offensive was that Ukrainian casualties and the loss of equipment provided by the West were low. PB: Given the past month, are you concerned the Israel-Hamas war will lead the US to deprioritize Ukraine either from a policymaking perspective or with overstretching its strategic defense reserves? MK: Deprioritizing? No. Most of the capabilities Israel needs to fight Hamas are different than the ones Ukraine needs. It does depend on whether a regionalized conflict
breaks out with the involvement of Hezbollah and Iran. Right now, that hasn’t happened yet. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that there’s always a bandwidth issue. People in government who deal with crises and conflicts have the same 24 hours a day as you and I do. They’re people, and they only pay attention to so many things at the same time. PB: So, you’re not a political expert, but one way Russia believes that time is on its side is with elections in the West next year. How important are those elections from Ukraine’s perspective? MK: We’re entering an election year in the US, but also in Europe. Elections matter, which is why we bother having them. The US has a long and tumultuous election cycle
that has already started some problems sooner than expected with the supplemental package for Ukraine. I think Ukrainians are naturally worried about what next year will bring, particularly in the US, and how it might impact support for Ukraine. I’m pretty worried after watching the Speaker’s election and after seeing the new Speaker want to separate the assistance package for Israel from Ukraine. On the positive side, there’s still a consensus in Congress that we need to support Ukraine. PB: Let’s end with a reason for pessimism and a reason for hope. MK: Wars are fundamentally unstable systems. I’m pessimistic about what next year holds and more optimistic about what might follow. I think if 2024 is used correctly, there may be opportunities that end up presenting themselves. Even when you’re in a phase of positional warfare, where there aren’t prospects for major success, you have to remember that it’s just a phase or a period of the war. If you were writing in early 1942 about what was happening in World War II, how would you see the trajectory? You might see things as fairly pessimistic. There are a lot of events yet to come that for now might be unforeseen. PB: Finally, what piece of advice would you like to give to college students? MK: I’m a big fan of Oscar Wilde, which has little to do with my chosen line of work. He once wrote, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” So that’s my suggestion to any folks reading this. Don’t model yourself off of other people.
3 Features First Black Female Graduate Reflects on College Years MADELINE RICHARDS ‘26 (SHE/HER) SENIOR STAFF WRITER
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he 2023-2024 school year marks Davidson’s 50th year of coeducation. Renée “Denise” Fanuiel Blackwell ‘77 was the college’s first Black female student and graduate. Blackwell was first drawn to Davidson for its academic rigor and strong pre-med program. “My family wanted me to become a doctor, so we researched several schools,” Blackwell said. Once she learned more about Davidson and toured the school, it seemed like a perfect match. “Davidson had [...] an impressive number of graduates continuing on to medical schools and the profession,” Blackwell said. “What inspired me the most during my visit to Davidson was seeing so many students studying in the library throughout the weekend!” Blackwell arrived at Davidson and immediately dove into her academics. She switched her major to psychology after realizing that she preferred the subject to medicine, and she studied “fervently” throughout her time at the college. Despite being one of four out of the first Black female students at the college, Blackwell did not feel isolated on campus. “I really loved being at Davidson. I felt like I was part of the school and the school has become a part of me,” Blackwell said. Though Davidson was majority white and male when she attended, Blackwell did not recall facing any explicit or direct discrimination. “I do not remember any particular struggles interacting with other students, male or female, or of other races at Davidson,” Blackwell said. “Nor do I believe any of my professors treated me any differently than they did other students. Other than urinals in the bathrooms in the dorm, the only ‘difficulty’ was in ROTC because the instructors had never had to deal with a female cadet.” Blackwell did occasionally face imposter syndrome. “The only thing that made me wonder if I ‘belonged’ was the fact that I may have been admitted due to affirmative action instead of on my own merits,” Blackwell went on. “Academic struggles most often brought that fear to the surface. From my sophomore year forward I was most inspired each time I passed the historical marking stating Woodrow Wilson attended Davidson from 1873-1874. I would hold my head higher and think ‘I’ve lasted here longer
than he did!” Though Blackwell felt relatively comfortable as a Black woman at Davidson, she acknowledges that her past experiences might have affected her perspective on her racial isolation. She was often a minority in her primary schools, as her home state, South Carolina strove to keep a 60:40 to 70:30 ratio of White to Black students. “To understand my experience at Davidson, one needs to know that once public schools in South Carolina pushed integration,” Blackwell said. “The only year after seventh grade when I was in the majority was tenth grade when I attended a historically black school.” In an earlier interview with Ross Hickman ‘22, Madeline Chanfrau ‘23, and McNeill Franklin ‘23 for the Women’s Oral History Project at Davidson College, Blackwell mentioned that she had heard about racism in Greek life. “There was a fraternity [...] called Kappa Alpha, it was supposedly the racist fraternity,” Blackwell said. Kappa Alpha was founded by Confederate General Robert E. Lee, and when speaking with Hickman, Chanfrau, and Franklin, Blackwell said that the chapter may have had a slave auction tradition. She was cautious around the fraternity and attempted to distance herself from them. “I think they may have done something [...] but it didn’t affect me.” Davidson’s chapter of Kappa Alpha has since been disbanded, but the fraternity still exists nationally. Blackwell also found a sense of community through the Black Student Coalition (BSC). In her conversation with Hickman, Chanfrau, and Franklin, she emphasized that the group was an accepting discussion space. “There are things where [...] I would understand other Black people more, and so I’d want to talk to them about certain issues,” Blackwell said. Though Blackwell sees her experience at Davidson as overwhelmingly positive, her story is not universally reflective. Ella Nagy-Benson ‘22 wrote her history honors thesis about coeducation at Southern liberal arts colleges — including Davidson — and stressed that women continually had to fight for a place in their community. “For many women, especially women of color, their continued presence on predominantly white, male campuses was activism in and of itself,” Nagy-Benson wrote. Attending a historically white and male college was often difficult, so Blackwell’s good
Crime Log Time Reported Offense/Location 11/18/23 23:18 hrs Alcohol Offense
Patterson Court, Inactive
11/18/23 23:52 hrs Alcohol Offense Daley, Inactive
11/19/23 02:15 hrs Injury to Property Offense
Steam Plant, Inactive
11/20/23 22:10 hrsFirst Degree
Forcible Rape; First Degree Burglary Watts, Further Investigation
Renee “Denise” Fanuiel Blackwell was Davidson’s first Black female graduate. Davidson Archives
experience is distinct. Blackwell’s peers were frustrated with support systems for Black students. In March 1975, Pat Hudson ‘77 — the then-treasurer of the BSC — told the Davidsonian that “Davidson College is null and void for Black people,” alluding to a lack of Black community and representation. Likewise, Davidsonian staff writer Tom Engle ‘79 mentioned that Black students only comprised two percent of Davidson’s population in October 1976 and often felt isolated. Blackwell found support within the BSC. “I was in the BSC at least during Freshman year, the Psychology Club, and Davidson Christian Fellowship which was possibly the most meaningful to me. I usually worshiped at DCPC and occasionally at the local black Presbyterian church,” Blackwell explained. “I [also] remember [...] arranging my schedule so my lightest load was doing the winter trimester so I could attend the basketball games!” Blackwell participated in the college’s Reserve Officers’ Training Corps (ROTC) program as well. Her engagement was “quite by chance.” “When I was a freshman, course selection was somewhat by lottery and done in person,” Blackwell said.“I had a very low number so I was easily able to choose every course I desired. I happened to see someone in an Army uniform, so I walked over to him and asked why he was there. He explained the program to me and when I discovered taking the first two years of classes would satisfy my PE requirements with no further obligations, I immediately signed up.” While Blackwell loved her time at Davidson,
she is conflicted about the college’s current approach to difficult conversations. “I was disappointed when I returned in 2017 to find that Davidson felt the need to have ‘safe spaces’ for students [to avoid conflict and spend time with individuals of similar identities],” Blackwell said. “I believed Davidson students [would] be strong enough to hear opposing viewpoints without running away.” In her earlier interview with Hickman, Chanfrau, and Franklin, Blackwell suggested that these safe spaces infringed on free speech and hindered deliberative ability. “I think it’s sad that people feel that they have to run if somebody says something they disagree with,” Blackwell said. “I thought Davidson was [...] about teaching you how to debate and how to make your point [...] rather than saying, ‘Oh, you can’t say that in front of me.’” Blackwell was disappointed in some of Davidson’s other cultural changes. “Davidson’s distancing from its Presbyterian/ Christian roots saddened me. I was [also] quite surprised to discover that we no longer had a full on-campus ROTC presence. I am glad that was not the case when I attended.” Nonetheless, she remains connected to the college. “The girls from my class meet every year,” Blackwell said. “We have a beach weekend down in North Carolina, and I went to that one for the first time in 2015. I was amazed at how quickly we reconnected [...] there’s something about that Davidson bond.”
Perspectives
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Season’s Greetings: An Epistemology of Belief ISA DEGUZMAN ‘25 (SHE/ANY)
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he passing of Thanksgiving signifies the initiation of Christmas season, my favorite holiday of the year. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to wonder why the allure of Christmas still appeals to me: I’m too old for the “magic” of anonymous gifts; I’m disillusioned by the religious aspects; I think Christmas consumerism just might bring out the worst in people rather than the best. I’ve even let go of the fantasy that my grandpa will stop commenting on my tattoos, much less the fantasy that the obsessive intervention of the US empire might finally mind its own business. So, why the warm fuzzy feelings? Maybe it’s the peppermint sticks and sweet almond cookies, cinnamon candles and woolen mittens. I love the warmth of generosity and laughter amidst the chill of headlines and violence or, rather, the illusion of such a fairytale. In fact, perhaps it’s this defiant sense of hope which infects the month of December that I so cherish. After all, Christmas is the season of belief: in Santa Claus, in cultures of generosity and goodwill, in harmonious family gatherings. Even as I acknowledge the impossibility of these promises, I too want to believe: to hold out hope without waiting for cold hard evidence. The summer before I arrived at college, everything I thought I knew was up in the air. I was in the midst of deconstructing the evangelical Christianity I was raised with, coming to terms with my own queerness, and trying not to completely cut ties with my biological family. I took nothing for granted and questioned it all. I remember reading theology books to explain away the myriad forms of injustice in which the church was and is complicit. Then one day, my insides turned cold when I realized that even though I could articulate a defense of progressive Christian theology, I didn’t believe it anymore. Despite clinging to my childhood faith, the spark I had been desperately tending for years had finally extinguished. When I got to college, I launched headlong
into understanding the world. I was addicted to explanations of how humans evolved from Tiktaalik, how the fundamentalism of early twentieth-century traditionalists fueled the rise of the Religious Right later in the century, how disability is villainized in many popular films. Yet while evolutionary biology, American history, calculus, and literary theory all dealt with questions of how things came to be as they are, they consistently failed to address the question of why. As I increased my factual knowledge of the world, I remained unsatisfied, longing to comprehend the underlying meaning of it all. I began to contemplate the value of belief. Belief gets at the why’s. Why was Earth formed? Why are humans here? Why does a warm meal make me feel loved? Why contemplate these ideas at all? In a world of expert opinions and statistics, the value of belief as a way of knowing has taken a backseat. We prefer the assurances of numbers and definitive answers as opposed to the non-quantitative “trusting” which belief requires. For belief is not something that can be proven or laid out explicitly. While there is certainly a time and a place for citations and data, is there value in trusting a world beyond words and numbers? Aren’t there some things which surpass our ability to pin them down? I don’t see belief and traditional academic disciplines as mutually exclusive, but rather as different, uniquely valuable, approaches to understanding. Belief exists in the space between explanation and gut feeling. It holds space for the indescribable. I do think it’s possible to live your life - maybe even a meaningful life - without considering the why’s. In fact, I experienced a sort of freedom when I relinquished my obsessive need to understand The Deeper Meaning of It All. I continue to hold on to the possibility that lucky coincidence brought the world together as it is at this moment. Yet what is lost when we simply take the world at face value? I once dated someone who lived by the philosophy that their experience was the only reliable source of evidence: reality was based on what they could personally see,
hear, smell, feel, and taste. This became a point of contention when I discovered that I operate from the opposite frame of reference: I hold on to the possibility of ghosts and aliens, justice and peace, until presented with conclusive counterevidence. Why not trust others until given a reason not to? Why not give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise? Maybe there is no Higher Power, but without evidence to the contrary, who knows? Maybe the systems of hierarchical power which dominate our world are cyclical, but what if there are alternatives? I don’t mean to encourage blind acceptance or wishful thinking without critical engagement; a healthy dose of skepticism is invaluable. But perhaps belief itself is not a white-knuckled grip on Truth, but the very posture of “maybe.” To me, the Christmas season is a practice in hope, a collective remembering and imagining of what could be. Warm cookies delivered on icy doorsteps, the chaotic harmony of communal carols, and acts of solidarity with those on the margins remind us that a better world may be possible. Yet the Christmas paradox is that the seasonal celebration of love, joy, peace, and hope simultaneously distances these ideals from the rest of the year. Still, the dedicated ritual of seasonal holidays plays the essential role of jogging our collective memory and nurturing practices of care and compassion. Ultimately, our beliefs are only important insofar as they inspire our actions. If we proclaim “peace on earth,” we must not settle for a sense of security in our own lives, but be prepared to back our words with an embodied dedication to resisting systems of violence (evidenced in genocide, ethnic cleansing, mass incarceration, etc.). Tidings of “goodwill toward all” are meaningless unless we are committed to working and organizing throughout the year to create a world where cultures of mutuality and dignity are possible. I must admit the limits of my perspective as someone who grew up in a Christian household with the privilege of (mostly) positive memories of the holidays. This has
informed a n d r e st r i c t e d m y understanding of belief, yet I hope that the value of an alternative epistemology, which holds space for awe and contemplation, persists. Given my position as a product of Christian mythology, I draw on the stories of my youth to illustrate my argument. Central to the biblical Christmas story is the star which leads the shepherds and wise men to a manger in Bethlehem (despite idyllic images of cows lowing and a baby sleeping, this city is located on the present-day Israel-Palestine border). To me, the literal existence of such a star is beside the point. Rather, the “Star of Wonder” captures the culture of belief which warms my heart each December. It guides me away from a reliance on false certainties and instead reminds me to look up and catch a glimpse of the constellation of “what ifs” which emerge in the silence of a wintry night sky. I conclude with the words of my favorite poet, Mary Oliver: The World I Live In I have refused to live locked in the orderly house of reasons and proofs. The world I live in and believe in is wider than that. And anyway, what’s wrong with Maybe? You wouldn’t believe what once or twice I have seen. I’ll just tell you this: only if there are angels in your head will you ever, possibly, see one.
Reflecting On First Semester as a Transfer
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SUSANNA DEAL ‘25 (SHE/HER) hat year are you?” “I’m a Junior/Sophomore”
“Really? I’ve never seen you before?” “Oh… yeah it’s cause I’m a transfer.” “Oh…” “Welcome! Where are you coming from? Why’d you transfer? How are you liking Davidson?” “Umm—[insert pre-made speech made at least 10 times]” The interaction above describes the typical transfer student experience as they arrived here on campus. It is a weird experience coming to a completely new college campus while also having previous college/university experience, and it’s hard not to compare the two different realities coming in. I myself am a junior year transfer student, and the semester here has been quite an unique experience. It’s been embarrassing
the times when I attend a game only to almost shout out the name of my former college, quickly correcting myself, stuttering “GO DAVIDSON” glancing around me to see if anyone noticed, and hoping to affirm my loyalties to this new college. I also don’t want to be the ‘annoying’ transfer who always says: “At the college I used to go to….” for every situation and can’t just get over the fact that… you’re here now. Get used to it. Starting at Davidson in the Fall of 2023, I was pleasantly surprised to have an orientation group full of transfer students like myself. Our Orientation Mentor, Madeline Dierauf, who is also a former transfer, worked tirelessly not only to get us in contact with past transfer students who had now fully integrated with the student body, but to take us to fun events for group bonding such as the ice cream social and bowling alley, for a better experience. Being a transfer is strange. To me it felt like jumping in on a completely new dance halfway through while not being totally familiar with the specific movements even when knowing how the dance style generally worked. It is this kind of experience that
created some tension as orientation started. People feeling like they were being treated like freshmen—as they did in fact need to learn about how the college works— while also being more experienced and having less of the ‘bright-eyed, hopeful outlook’ that freshmen usually do, created a difficult situation to handle sometimes when certain events were seen as to be ‘forced’ upon them to participate. Nonetheless, orientation ended well, with informed transfer students ready to enter the already swimming tide. As one junior transfer student, Nora Jorgenson, describes it, “Starting at Davidson as a junior, I felt like a freshman again for better or worse. But now, I’m comfortable with my academics and routine, and I feel like I am part of the Davidson community. I’m also looking forward to meeting the juniors who will be back next semester from being abroad!” It is at the end of this semester that I, too, finally feel more at home at Davidson College. As a past transfer student put it when giving me advice about navigating the first semester, “You just have to have patience, you’ll meet your people. Just don’t close yourself up.” When freshmen come in, they too need
patience, b u t friendship g r o u p s are just yet forming and dissolving, the social scene is very ambiguous. Coming in with a couple years under your belt is a bit different, and while friendship with freshman could still be potentially socially acceptable, it’s nice to find people who are at the same place you are in the college journey. I’ve found this advice to be invaluable, as I get used to academic pressure, the amazing opportunities offered, and fitting in/ joining the social scene. As time passes, transfers slowly blend in and lose the ‘freshman’ type newness. As this next semester approaches, I only have one question left: Do I still introduce myself as a transfer?
Sports
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Davidson Women’s Basketball Starts Season Off To A Hot Start As They Gear Up for A-10 Play The ‘Cats Went 2-1 vs ACC Non-Conference Opponents, Beating Duke and Wake Forest
business,” has bolstered the team’s performance. Deegan’s impressive average of nearly 12 points per game shows her ability to be a constant star for this rising ‘Cats team. Coach Fulks highlighted the significance of playing at a faster pace as a team. She also credited Millie Prior ‘25 for “being a really versatile defender” and that Fulks feels that they “should be a much more defensive team this year.” Prior’s defensive impact has contributed significantly, showing through as she is second within the Atlantic 10 conference in blocks with 1.8 per game. Some stats to know: The team has seen standout performances across the board. Dunn has been impactful contributing off the bench with an impeccable 13.5 points per game and leading the team in rebounds with 6.5. Elle Sutphin ‘24 who leads the ‘Cats with 13.8 points per game and steals with 1.7 per game. Issy Morgan ‘25 has continued her solid play by averaging 25.7 minutes per game and averaging close to 10 points per game. She is 2nd in the A-10 with Field Goal Percentage. For two weeks straight Davidson has “Received Votes” in the AP Top 25 Women’s Basketball Teams. As Davidson heads into conference play during the winter break, their solid start sets a promising tone for the remainder of the season. With a solid set of role players and emerging transfer talent with Maddie Plank ‘24 and Millie Prior and a solid scoring core led by Dunn, Sutphin and Deegan, the Wildcats look to leave their mark in the Atlantic-10 Conference and ultimately make their first NCAA tournament bid in history. The ‘Cats have five straight home games coming up. They play Appalachian State on Wednesday and then Longwood on Saturday before facing Dayton, High Point and then UNC Wilmington in December.
CAMERON KRAKOWIAK ‘24 (SPORTS EDITOR) HE/HIM AND JACKSON RENFRO ‘24 (SPORTS WRITER) HE/HIM
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he Davidson Women’s Basketball team has had a tremendous basketball season thus far with an impressive 5-1 record. The ‘Cats faced three ACC teams within a span of six days, two of which were ranked. Coach Gayle Fulks at the Davidson Basketball Media luncheon back in October expressed confidence in her team’s ability to “win all those games” because she believed that this team has great potential for success. After securing their first victory of the year against USC Upstate, Davidson faced three consecutive ACC opponents. Fulks emphasized the team’s readiness for the heavy schedule so early on in the season, stating, “It’s a heavy slate but this team and the kind of preparation we have. We will be able to take on a heavy slate like that.” The team’s performance confirmed Fulk’s belief as they went 2-1 in ACC play. They narrowly defeated Wake Forest with a 57-52 win at home before enduring a close loss on the road against #24 ranked University of North Carolina, where Charlise Dunn ‘26 showcased her scoring ability with 21 points and five threepointers. Even in their loss against UNC, Davidson was only down 70-69 with 15 seconds left in the game. The team rebounded (no pun intended) with a commanding 69-62 victory over Duke five days later at Cameron Indoor. Coach Fulks’ foresight regarding key players has shown throughout the season so far. She said that, “players like Mallory Haines ‘26 got a lot of opportunities last year, and was unexpected going into the year, I think she would have been a true role player, you know, going into last year where she ended up becoming someone relied on by the end of the season.” Haines this year has started every game after being relied upon last season because of injuries. Haines, now a consistent starter, embodies the ‘Cats growth and maturity on McKillop Court. The return of fifth-year player Rosie Deegan ‘24, was described by Fulks as having “unfinished
Photos from the ‘Cats ACC Play
‘Cats Huddle Up At University of North Carolina (Left) and ‘Cats Celebrate After Win (Center) Photos by Tim Cowie ‘Cats Beat Duke (Right) Photo from Rosie Deegan ‘24
Men’s Basketball Standings
Standings Update
Team
W
L
STK PCT
George Washington George Mason La Salle UMass Rhode Island Saint Louis Dayton Duquesne Richmond St. Joseph’s St. Bonaventure VCU
6 5 5 3 5 5 4 4 4 4 4 4
1 1 1 1 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
W1 W2 W1 W2 W1 W1 L1 W2 W1 W2 W1 L1
Davidson
3
3
L1
.857
.833 .833 .750 .714 .714 .667 .667 .667 .667 .667 .571 .500
Davidson Volleyball Senior Spotlight Video
Arts and Entertainment 6 Student-led Arts at Davidson: The Necessary Alternative
EMMA BUEHRER ‘24 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER
I
t is no secret that art isn’t the top academic priority for most Davidson students, but what about outside the classroom? Last May, only eight students graduated with a studio art major, a tiny number when compared to the seventy-nine students who received a biology degree. However, there are a great deal of underutilized resources for both the casual and committed artists at Davidson. Studio space, free materials, high-tech machinery, and thousands of dollars in grant funding are just some of the resources available for students to tap into, with the help of some dedicated students and donors. Three seniors, Mallory Justis ‘24, lead technician of the Makerspace, Shreya Sharma ‘24, a program manager at DACE, and Claire Tatum ‘24, cofounder of the student organization WildCrafts, all maintain that the arts are, in fact, for you too. The Makerspace, hidden away in the South basement of Chambers, hosts an impressive variety of art tech equipment, such as 3D printers, laser cutters, vinyl cutters, a t-shirt press, and a host of power tools. Justis began visiting the Makerspace her sophomore year. “It’s a place where there’s all of these tools available for students to use for free,” she says. However, Justis notes that they don’t get as many visitors as they want, maybe because of the rather hidden location or hesitation
Makerspace. Photo by Mallory Justis ‘24
around using the technology. “There’s so many cool things you can make with a laser engraver or with 3D printing… I wish more people just knew about it.” Justis lists a huge range of creative uses for the space: the 3D printer is utilized by math majors to make impossible shapes, and by a pottery-loving professor to make clay stamps. Students have used the laser cutter for their jewelry business, and art majors use the laser engraver to make prints for their projects. In regards to the formal arts courses at Davidson, Justis, a physics major, notes that she wanted to double major in studio art when she started college, but it was too hard to get into an art class. “If you’re not an art major, and you want to be involved in art, you have to go to the [art] club,” said Justis. Davidson Arts and Creative Engagement, aka DACE, is pushing hard for as many artistic opportunities as the campus can hold, including craft workshops, open studio hours, and grants for art projects. Sharma, one of four program managers, helps run the newly-located North Chambers basement studio space. The DACE studio, like the Makerspace, features completely free art supplies and resources for students, staff, and faculty, and the program managers have hosted workshops including clay, sewing, painting, printmaking, and glass fusion. “Our workshops can be anywhere from a small group of 8 to 20 people,” Sharma said, “I don’t think a day ever goes by that no one comes in.” She values the space as a form of self care and reflects that before she got involved with DACE, art was always “something I was pursuing when there wasn’t a space for it.” The community that DACE offers is for everyone, Sharma said, and there is still room for more— “I just feel like Davidson has lost a lot of the inter-faculty, staff, and student community. I’m imagining an art event that Commons workers come to, building maintenance staff comes to, administration, faculty and students come to – it’s a great way to bring people together and build that community.” Tatum, the vice president and co-founder of Wildcrafts, experienced what it was like to build an arts club from scratch. Wildcrafts, a new club on the block, was started with just a small circle of friends knitting together during Tatum’s sophomore year. Tatum, a studio art major, wanted to build a space on campus where students could try new things without the risk of harsh grades or critiques. During her sophomore year, Wildcrafts was started with a total ATC funding of only $400. “We were working on a budget– lots of Dollar Tree visits– but it just was something that was really important.” Two years later, Wildcrafts hosts regular events with over 50 people, with several events every semester with more than 100
Tools in the Makerspace. Photo by Mallory Justis ‘24 attendees. Their Instagram, @davidsonwildcrafts, has nearly 500 followers, and their ATC funding has been bumped to $9,000. “We’re doing some pretty serious stuff now. We’re hosting events at Clayworks in Charlotte and we just did a pottery glazing event, and we had a slime night with tons of glue,” said Tatum. She maintains that DACE was their biggest supporter. “[DACE] really got us going. They paid for the supplies of our first event. They really advocated for us with the ATC who approves who gets to be an official club or not.” Tatum still feels that both the academic and student-organized arts have room to grow; she advocates for more accessible 100-level art classes. On the student-organized side, she says, she wants to bring in more people with no art experience. “It’s hard to get into the academic art spaces if you’re not 110% committed to it. The student organizations provide a less intimidating gateway into that.” Davidson’s art community may not often have the spotlight, but with the continued push from student leaders, they will not be counted out. Want to get involved? The Makerspace is open 4 pm -11 pm Sunday - Thursday. DACE events are posted on Wildcatsync and their instagram, @artsatdavidson and the studio hours are 10 am-5 pm Monday-Friday. WildCrafts events are posted to WildCatSync as well as their instagram page, @ davidsonwildcrafts. Emma Buehrer ‘24 is a digital and screen media studies major from Mount Vernon, Ohio. Emma can be reached for comment at embuehrer@davidson.edu.
A Reflection on Lorde Throughout the Years CATE GOODIN ‘26 (SHE/HER) SECTION CO-EDITOR
I
n honor of ten years and two months of Lorde’s Pure Heroine debut album, I thought it pertinent to offer a reflection on her music throughout the years. A fact that impresses me (and often haunts me as my birthdays pass by) is that Lorde wrote Pure Heroine at fifteen and her sophomore album, Melodrama, at nineteen. One couldn’t turn on the radio back in 2013 without hearing her single, “Royals,” but that now seems to be the song I listen to least off of the album. At the time of its release, my adolescent self would sing along to “Team” and “Buzzcut Season.” I had downloaded Pure Heroine to my iPod Touch, or maybe it was even an iPad, in the years before phones, Apple Music, or Spotify. That title felt scandalous to me, as I clutched the screen away from my parents, a perfect picture for Lorde’s lyrics of rebellion. As a nine year-old, I’m sure I’m not who she had in mind when producing homages to the complexity of teenhood, but I feel there’s something special about being introduced to these songs so early and then growing into them. On the way to my soccer practice, my friend and I sat in the back seat as her mom drove us, with “Ribs” playing from the car speaker. “My mom and dad let me stay home/ It drives you crazy, getting old”-- “It feels so scary, getting old,” filled the car, and I thought I “got it,” but now ten years later, hearing that song on full volume can almost bring me to tears. Part of what makes it so meaningful is that I think of the girls in the backseat of the car: how much they wanted to relate to that song and, unknowingly, the years accumulated, and one day I did— now I do. It makes me laugh a bit, too, thinking of a seventh grade bus ride to school in late fall or winter. I would listen to the track “Still Sane,” nodding my head along to “I’m not in the swing of things/ but what I really mean is/ not in the swing of things yet.” I would revel in the melodrama (a precursor!) of feelings I hadn’t experienced, or at least fully experienced yet.
And that makes the arrival all the more bittersweet. On to Melodrama. While Lorde’s first album feels decidedly timeless, her second feels all too relevant. I heard “Supercut” in a coffee shop in the fall of my sophomore year of high school, after having forgotten about it, and I promptly labeled it a “fall song.” “In my head, I do everything right,” repeated in the outro as I drove home with the leaves falling, and now whenever I hear it, I think back to that moment. It’s still on my playlist to this day, and in a new season, if I may say, of my sophomore life in college. Perhaps the most important song of Melodrama to me right now is “Perfect Places.” Not an exaggeration, I probably think of the lyric “I’m nineteen and I’m on fire” once a day. A friend played it for me on the eve of my nineteenth birthday, as I was having a minor moment of melodrama towards my last year of teenhood, and now we play it for all of our friends the night before we turn twenty. The song could be detailing the weekend existence of a young adult (“It’s just another graceless night”), but the wit that Lorde employs as she over-exaggerates and over-romanticizes the drama of it all gives way to a new connection with the song: we’re all grasping for this “perfect” time of doing it all, feeling it all–like we think we should–but there really is no model. It’s the melodrama of the time in life and the melodrama of leaving it. Needless to say, she picked a great title for the album! I could continue, talking next about her third album, Solar Power, but she was 25 when writing it, so maybe I’ll give it some time! Or at least wait till the spring or summer, which I’ve designated as the seasons for that album. It’s all subject to change, though, as the songs disappear and reappear on my queue and in my mind. Nine is a funny age for an introduction to teenage angst, but truly that feeling surpasses age. And growing into a perspective on time, a perspective on life, will always be encompassed in Lorde’s music for me. So even if you weren’t a listener to Lorde back in the 2010s, might I suggest a listen to “Ribs,” preferably at full volume in your car or lying on the floor of your dorm room? There’s a stasis to her songs, as they are little notch marks for the years, yet they keep
evolving just as the people who listen to them. So even two months past the decade anniversary of Pure Heroine, I dare say it’s always pertinent. Cate Goodin/2026 (she/her) is an English major and Art History minor from McLean, VA . She can be reached for comment at cagoodin@davidson.edu
Melodrama album cover. Photo from Lorde.
Living Davidson
7
Crossword Angry Words
Crosswords by Victor Fleming ‘73
Across
es
1 Big galoot 4 Not in good shape? 8 Test tube glass 13 “We’ve heard more than enough!” 14 “Me, too!” 15 Shake up 16 “Hannah and ___ Sisters” 17 Sensitive firing device 19 ___ the other 21 Sesame paste 22 Get under control 24 In the env. 25 Bankroll, e.g. 28 Seize again 31 Sorrento dessert 33 “___ Baba and the 40 Thieves” 35 Romantic interlude 37 Sun-related 38 Stuffing ingredient 40 President Quillen 42 Creole vegetable 43 Islamic priests 45 Melville’s “___-Dick” 46Poetic contraction 47 Count expenses when figuring tax-
49 “Take your time” 52 “Prior to,” palindromically 53 Disloyal one 55 Corner 58 Pago Pago native 61 “Tell Laura ___ Her” (1960 hit) 62 Correct in every particular 66 Arab federation (abbr.) 67 Music-licensing org. 68 Word that can precede the first word in each of this puzzle’s 11-letter answers 69 Econ. indicator 70 Quivering 71 Talk show moderator
72 Abbr. in some town names
Down
62 Once existed
1 1st-century Roman emperor and his namesakes 2 “Waiter, may I see ___?” 3 Emergency service provider 4 Breath-taking snake 5 Work on Davidsonian articles, say 6 Screenwriter Ephron 7 Religious payment 8 Harry, William and Charles 9 Bear of Jellystone 10 Persian product 11 Legal conclusion? 12 Gen-___ (boomer’s kid) 14 “Beats me” shoulder motion 18 Betrothal symbol 20 Keats work 23 Writer Ambler 25 Perfunctory performance, as of a play 26 Donkey Kong company 27 Suburb of Miami 29 West of Gotham City? 30 Dean McCrae 32 British john HUNGRY?... YOU WILL BE! KEY 33 “All kidding ___ ...” 63 ___Kosh 34 Less plausible, as an excuse ( 7 & 5 2 $ 6 7 6 $ ' / < B’Gosh 36 Timber wolf , 1 7 ( 5 $ 7 5 , $ 6 8 ( 64 T V & 5 $ 1 % ( 5 5 < 8 7 ( 1 1 39 Flightless Aussie bird 2 $ ) 2 & $ 6 ( . 2 . 6 2 brand 41 U-shaped musical instrument 6 3 ( & 6 5 ( ( / , 1 65 Mo. time 44 Argumentative 7 < 6 2 1 % ( 0 ( + , 3 6 48 Domesticate 8 6 ( 6 2 1 ( 1 , ' 50 Textbook divisions 3 8 0 3 . , 1 * ( 6 ' , 3 51 Cardinals’ cap initials % 2 1 , 7 $ 2 ) 2 = = , 7 , ) $ 8 1 0 $ 0 % $ 54 Set fire to $ 3 5 2 1 5 ( * $ , 1 56 ___-garde / ( $ ( . & 2 2 3 7 ) 2 5 57 One’s homies & 2 5 1 % 5 ( $ ' 5 ( 2 , / 58 Home of Sioux Falls (abbr.) % ( , * ( ' 5 ( 6 3 ( / / 59 Esperanza Spaulding do 6 : ( ( 7 2 % 6 2 $ 6 ( 6 60 Modernists
DIWALI AT DAVIDSON
HAJAR HUSSEIN ‘27 We Are Wildcats is a humaninterest column that aims to share the extraordinary within the ordinary at Davidson College and to showcase the inspiring things that make each and every Wildcat unique. If you wish to be featured or know someone whose story needs to be heard, please feel free to contact stwalker@davidson.edu! Stay tuned for future stories! This interview has been edited for length and clarity. With the Christmas season coming up there are many unrepresented holidays that go unnoticed. Right here at Davidson many students are trying to find ways to keep their holiday traditions alive by coming up with
different ways to celebrate. Davidson’s South Asian Student Association (SASA) just had their annual Diwali and Tihar celebration, a festival of lights and prosperity. This article interviews Akanksha Velath, SASA’s social chair head about how the celebration went! Check out the full interview to the right!
Interviewer: Could you Introduce Yourself? Akanksha: My name is Akanksha Velath, and I am social chair for SASA, I am sophomore at Davidson, psychology major from India. Interviewer: Can you just briefly explain what Diwali is? Akanksha: Diwali is basically a festival celebrated in Hindu tradition. It’s mainly celebrated in South Asian countries like India, Nepal, and places like that. At Davidson we try not to celebrate the religious aspect but focus more on the cultural and communal part of it. From that definition, it’s a festival of light, and it symbolizes the victory of light over darkness. Interviewer: Can you let us know what went into planning such an event? Akanksha: Diwali is the biggest celebration that we do during the fall semester. Our biggest chunk of the budget goes into Diwali, so we try to bring in different traditions from different cultures. India is a very diverse country, and different parts of India celebrate it differently, so we try to represent as much as we can. We try to decorate, get South Asian food, and a big part of it is dance, music and celebrating together. Interviewer: Can you tell us how it went? Akanksha: It was a big success. We got a lot of people who were not South Asian, who were just interested in learning about
South Asian culture or just celebrating with us, which was really nice! At the end of the day, it was just a big family and community celebrating together. Interviewer: Is there anything you would add or change? Akanksha: Something we added this year was celebrating Tihar. Our president this year is from Nepal and not India. The change we did was being more inclusive of other traditions of other countries in South Asia. We celebrated Tihar, we got more Nepal-y food, and got those different traditions as well. Interviewer: Do you have any advice for students of color trying to celebrate events such as these? Akanksha: I think definitely try to find your community by coming to our events. Definitely reach out to people if you think something important to you has not been represented. Reach to our groups and talk to them because we are trying to see if there is anything we are missing out on, or traditions that we have looked over. We want everyone to feel included and make sure their culture is being celebrated, so please reach out if there is something you want next semester. Interviewer: Yay! Is there anything you want to highlight? Akanksha: Follow @davidsonsasa on Instagram, and be on the lookout for Holi and SASA formal!
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10 Conversations We All Had at Thanksgiving
Advice Amanda: What to do When the Worst Person You Know is Your Lab Partner?
Page Awk Silence
Page Kill Them
Tips for Preparing for Finals: Believe in Yourself - Don’t Study, Sleep is for the Weak - Drink Celsius, Technology is Superior - Use ChatGPT Page You’re Welcome
Davidson Plans Its Own “Housing Games” for Students Returning From Abroad
A
fter last spring’s housing crisis when the juniors who had been abroad for the fall semester returned to campus, the Davidson administration is looking for ways to combat the housing shortage as we prepare for this year’s abroad students to return. The lack of housing in the spring semester of 2023 resulted in a significant portion of students living off campus, and the lack of control of every aspect of students’ daily lives is something the authoritarian government of Davidson College does not want to deal with again. Although converting single dorm lounges into 4 small rooms separated by plywood that does not reach the ceiling was a viable solution, Davidson is looking to improve the quality of the housing on campus for these returning students. The administration is proposing the Housing Games for this spring, in which returning students will be forced to compete until only the number of students remaining matches the number of available beds on campus. The Housing Games will take place on campus during the two weeks before the spring semester starts, the boundaries being Concord Road, Watson Street, and the edge of the cross country trails. To keep students in the boundaries, they will be wearing shock collars, as the administration has a massive stock in the back of the shipping warehouse that they planned but never got to implement to keep students on campus during the COVID-19 pandemic in the 2020-2021 school year. Students will be given a weapon of choice and the option to either eat Commons or forage for food, the latter being the most popular choice. Some of the obstacles students will face include trying to quickly leave a building while the handicap button has been pressed for the doors, securing a post-grad job on LinkedIn, avoiding eye contact with other students they’ve hooked up with, and finding a library book using the Dewey Decimal system. The administration is including housing-specific
R
eturning home from Thanksgiving Break can be quite the doozy. No more getting wasted Wednesday through Sunday, you have to break up with your high school boyfriend, and you finally realize how boring you actually are. This is not a new phenomenon. Millions of college students return home from break to find out they’re really not so different from momsicle and popsicle. Thanksgiving Break marks the first phase of the transition from cool angsty teenager to becoming those who raised you. The Yowl has partnered the Psychology Department to create a totally scientific questionnaire to determine where on the spectrum of becoming your parents you are.
[ ] You’ve started incorporating phrases such as, “Geez, Louise!” or “No way, Jose” unironically. [ ] You’ve expressed interest in purchasing a minivan.
The
Yowl
The Penultimate Issue
November 29, 2023
challenges as well to determine which students deserve the opportunity to pay $4,100 for lung damage from mold in the air vents. These challenges include, but are not limited to, being in the laundry room at the end of the washer cycle to move clothes to the dryer in time, waking up to and shutting off an alarm before it wakes up a roommate (snoozing results in automatic disqualification from the Games), not clogging the shower drain, changing their bed sheets at least once every 3 weeks, and being on time to an 8:15. There will be required tests that all students must pass during the first week. Different academic buildings will host tests that students must pass (1 for each Way of Knowing). The communications department will be judging student-made powerpoints, the math department will be grading times-tables exams, and the psychology department will be requiring all students to write a report on their own mental illnesses. Sandy Helfgott will be hosting burn bootcamps in the Baker Parking Lot, and students will have to get Mike Goode to approve a Wildcat Sync form of their own making in the student Union, the challenge most students expressed their nervousness for. The cross country trails will be no man’s land, where students are free to have at it. In the second week, remaining students will be put through even more grueling challenges on Patterson Court. These include guessing Lululemon prices at Warner Eating House and making a winning bet on a basketball game at the KSig House. At Turner Eating House, students will have to correctly name at least 25 of the genders and at the SAE house students will have 3 tries to get a hole in one on a mini golf course. Remaining competitors will then have to fill out a Webtree that gets them into both BIO114 and CHE250. Any student that survives these two weeks will be granted access to on campus housing for the spring semester. Any who don’t will be shot behind the Admissions Office.
Marriage Pact Study Campo Investigates Finds 98% of DavidSpam Text Sent to son Students Are Sex Class of 2024 Asking for Money, Turns Out It’s Crazed Real Page Noods & Nudes Page First Class Parking
Things I Got From College Besides an Education • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
A glasses prescription A double chin HPV Crippling six-figure debt A resume full of unmarketable skills other than Python 3.5 enemies Permanent lung damage Stacks of notes I will never look at again but am keeping “just in case” A nicotine addiction The strongest immune system you’ll ever come across A drinking problem A plethora of monthly charges to my card of things I intended on canceling after the free trial but forgot to and now have no idea where they’re coming from A reluctant but growing identification with the Republican Party Concerning caffeine dependency A UTI Chronic sinus infections Textbooks I never read but were expensive so I don’t know what to do with them A sense of failure and regret, but also an inflated ego since I went to Davidson Mediocre understanding of a foreign language A large group of people who I have to immediately turn around or avoid eye contact with whenever I see them A stress-induced virus An A Capella Group album A permanent hunch in your back Killer thighs and calves from walking up the hill An idea to start marketing $7 black coffee as a new laxative A fear of intimate relationships $1000 ring Really rich friends who are going to work for Deloitte A diploma in a language I can’t read Mid sports teams to feel obligated to follow for the rest of your life Computer virus from IMLeagues.com Lifelong friendships :) Cheap sweatshirt made in Pakistan Lack of situational awareness (your bag is going to get stolen one day)
Are You Becoming Your Parents?
[ ] You like to walk away from the check-out line right when it’s your turn to buy something and your friend has no money on them. [ ] You wake up at 6:30 without an alarm. [ ] You carry a bag that has everything from bandaids to a Kidz Bop CD from 2009 in it. [ ] You don’t understand why everyone can’t just get along these days. [ ] You always mention someone’s race that’s completely irrelevant to the story you’re telling. [ ] You believe having a house with a wraparound porch would significantly increase your quality of life. [ ] You leave voicemails. [ ] You have a Facebook and are really into bitmoji. [ ] You went to the store, bought a new shirt, and then came home and realized
you already had the exact same one. [ ] You told your hookup you’d like to be exclusive. [ ] You feel as though you are able to educate a child better than an actual teacher. [ ] Your ideal Sunday morning is to get up, put on a track suit, and walk laps around the mall. [ ] You know the last time your car got its tires rotated and got an oil change. [ ] You’ve begun watching reruns of old British murder mystery tv shows. [ ] You understand how insurance works. [ ] You can read an analog clock. [ ] You constantly have the news on in the background. [ ] You’re really into fine china and collecting ceramic dishware. If you got all 20, congratulations, you
actually are your parents. Everyday you wake up, look in the mirror and your face morphs into that of a 50 year old man or woman. Your back hurts, your joints are stiff, and what you really need is to fall asleep while watching some old tv show while eating a can of beans. Just kidding, you really just need to wear sunscreen. If you got at least 7, you’re definitely on your way to becoming your parents. But don’t fret, there’s still hope for you! The Psychology Department has found that doing extreme sports, hard drugs, and being generally unsafe stops you from aging and goes against American Family values. If you got 0, then you don’t have parents. You’re an orphan. How’s that feel, huh?
WRITERS
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Senior Class Gift Ideas
tired tired tired editors
“***something that would get them cancelled immediately***”
- expanded septic system - Everything But the Leftovers seasoning in Commons - scooters for all incoming students - the end of Duo Push
- my entire family during Thanksgiving dinner
Note: The Yowl is a satirical supplement to The Davidsonian. Hence, nothing in it should be taken as truth.