The Davidsonian Newsletter 4.12.2023

The

Davidsonian

Independent Student Journalism Since 1914

inside

davidsonian.com

The place of minority religions within a Presbyterian college is examined

Volume 121, Issue 18

April 12, 2023

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Student Body President Ronan Towell ‘24, speaks to the Board of Trustees about Title IX

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A review of the Sweet Heat Chicken Sandwich at Davis Cafe

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The Yowl investigates former President Carol Quillen’s indictment

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Doug Hicks Inagurated as 19th President of the College MADELINE RICHARD ‘26 (SHE/HER) AND SOFIA CIMBALLA ‘26 (SHE/HER) SENIOR STAFF WRITERS

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n May of 1990, Doug Hicks was an economics major defending his senior thesis in a Chambers classroom.

Now, that very thesis sits in the President’s office, serving as a reminder of his time and commitment to Davidson Hicks said his return is only natural – “I love Davidson and I have a real appreciation for its values, and they formed me, so it’s not a coincidence that there’s a fit because Davidson is such a part of my own upbringing.”

Hicks term began at the start of the 2022-23 school year, and he was officially inaugurated on Mar. 31. Dr. Suzanne Churchill, Professor of English and co-chair of the Inauguration Advisory Committee explained that the process for planning the inauguration weekend began in December of 2022.

“I think the series of events surrounding the inauguration fulfilled our goals, bringing us together after an era of pandemic and uniting us in a shared sense of community, whether we were reflecting on the painful parts of our history or committing to the work of hope for a better, more equitable future,” Churchill said.

In line with their mission to cultivate a sense of community during the inauguration, the Advisory Committee had the interests of alumni in mind. Chelsea Savage ‘21 works in the Alumni and Family Engagement office and has witnessed alumni’s enthusiasm about Hicks’ inauguration firsthand.

“I run the social media accounts for the alumni team, and all the comments on there have just been overwhelmingly positive and excited,” Savage said. “Some people really resonate with his messages [...] about giving Davidson hope, his initiatives towards DEI work, and the Commemoration Project.”

Savage also commented on Hicks’ selection process. While she was not part of the selection committee, she feels that the group “really put a lot of consideration into making sure that the actions that [Hicks] had taken [at his past institutions] support the leadership’s vision for where Davidson’s going in the future,” Savage said. In particular, the committee was impressed by “his work with commemoration [at Emory University and Oxford College].”

While at Oxford College, Hicks was the co-chair of Emory University’s Twin Memorials Working Group, a project intended to honor the enslaved people who worked on university campuses in Atlanta and Oxford. Hicks’ efforts with the Twin Memorials Working Group echo Davidson’s own Commemoration Project.

Hicks believes his past experiences have provided him with the skills and expertise to best serve this “special community,” noting his time at the University of Richmond, Colgate University, and

President Doug Hicks accepts the Davidson College Mace at his inaguration ceremony on Mar. 31. Photo by Sydney Schertz Oxford College at Emory.

“I’ve spent my career in liberal arts colleges with high academics and commitment to the full self, and those experiences have helped me a lot,” Hicks said. “And I’d like to think I have both academic understanding and good people skills. I enjoy alumni, I enjoy parents, students, faculty and staff. I love all aspects of the job.”

Hicks expressed a deep appreciation for Davidson’s community.

“I love the perennial strengths of Davidson, specifically the friendships I’ve seen formed and the mentoring the faculty and staff provide for students and this adds up to community. It’s just an incredibly special community.”

When asked about his proudest moments as president thus far, Hicks again emphasized the college environment.

“I think promoting the community post-pandemic is one of the most important things we can do because if you don’t have a sense of human community and people’s belongingness it’s hard to have any educational attainment. So in order to have people learn and study, you have to feel at home and I think we’ve helped that transition.”

Hicks connected his academic background to his preparation for the role of college president. After graduating from Davidson, Hicks went on to pursue a Master of Divinity at Duke and a PhD in religion from Harvard.

“I think about my education, both in religious ethics and economics, they’re both about building a better society or building

a community where everyone is treated as a moral equal...” Hicks said. “And so I see connections all the time between what I read in philosophy, religion, economics, political science that connect to leadership.”

In terms of future goals for the school and his position, Hicks hopes to promote inclusivity. He said his work is guided by the key question: “do people experience belonging and full membership in our community?”

Hicks also acknowledges that much of Davidson’s past has failed to fulfill this goal of inclusion.

“The enslaved laborers who built our early buildings weren’t full members [of our community] at all. That’s an extreme opposite of what we’re hoping for.”

Dr. Churchill connected the inauguration festivities to this vision of Davidson’s future.

“Participating in the inauguration events felt like practicing hope,” Churchill said.

Hicks emphasized in a symposium on Mar. 31 about Davidson’s future that the Davidson community must acknowledge its unjust history in order to move towards a more equitable and empathetic future. Addressing these memories is a challenging task for a new president, yet Hicks is enthusiastic and grateful to be part of the change.

“It’s a true honor.”

Alum Visits Davidson to Recount his Time as a Prisoner of War VIOLET CALKIN ‘26 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER

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hen Porter Halyburton ‘63 graduated from Davidson, he was met with a choice: enlist voluntarily or face the draft. Determined to fly an F-4, Halyburton — a newlywed with an English degree in tow — entered flight school. In February of 1964, he left his wife, Marty, and their five day old daughter for Vietnam. He would fly 75 missions and endure seven and a half years of captivity as a prisoner of war (POW) before seeing them again.

Halyburton’s imprisonment began after his plane was shot down on Oct. 17, 1965.

Previous to this flight, he was frustrated by the lack of consequence of his missions on the progress of the war.

“I was pretty disillusioned with what we

were doing because we weren’t doing what we needed to do if we wanted to win the war militarily. Political considerations took precedence,” Halyburton said. “When we got this mission on October 17th, we knew that this was a big deal. It was a major communication link from China to Hanoi. Take out the bridge, railroad, all that — that was our mission.”

Flying at treetop level over a valley, Halyburton’s plane was hit in the front cockpit. The pilot was killed, but Halyburton was able to eject from the vessel before it hit a mountain and exploded. He was listed as killed in action, a status that his family wouldn’t be aware was incorrect for 16 months. His wife Marty, their daughter and his other loved ones memorialized him with a tombstone, grieving his tragically unknown fate.

Meanwhile, Halyburton began life as a captive at the ‘Hanoi Hilton’ prison. Over the course of his captivity, Halyburton was moved

thirty times and housed in eight different prisons. He endured torture and was placed in solitary confinement, as well as life with one to fifty cellmates. Along the way, he withstood hours and hours of interrogation, was nearly killed by locals on a march through Hanoi, and suffered dysentery and starvation. Throughout these conditions, Halyburton pledged to remain true to his duty.

“I said, ‘I’m going to do everything I can to survive and not give in. Initially, that was my whole focus: I’m going to stay as healthy as I can, I’m going to eat everything, I’m going to exercise as much as possible. I’m going to keep my mind and spiritual life active,” Halyburton said. “I also learned pretty quickly that our covert communication system was so important.”

The prisoners developed a tap code for communicating between walls in cell blocks.

By utilizing American phrasing and attempting

to be discrete, they were able to keep their Vietnamese captors largely in the dark.

“It was important to say, ‘I just went to a quiz and here’s what they asked me, here’s the kind of pressure they put on me and here’s the punishment that I got.’ Chances were somebody else from our cellblock would go through the same kind of interrogation,” Halyburton said. “It was very important to keep everybody up to date on a day to day basis, and if you had a new name of a POW. We spend a lot of time keeping our list of names up to date.”

Despite hours of interrogation and continually worsening conditions, Halyburton continually refused to divulge information to his captors. In an attempt to push him over the edge, they boarded him with — and ordered him to be caretaker for — a Black prisoner.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 2

News

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Halyburton ‘63 Reflects on Time in Vietnam

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

“His arm had been almost ripped off his body. He had a broken foot. He had all kinds of other injuries that weren’t life threatening, but he couldn’t do a lot for himself,” Halyburton said.

The injured man was Major Fred Cherry, the first and highest ranking Black officer among the American POWs of the Vietnam War. Halyburton’s Vietnamese captors supposed that a southern white man would resist and be made miserable by servitude to a Black man. But rather than an enemy, Halyburton gained a lifelong bond in Cherry. Tending to his injuries and forging a relationship with Cherry also gave Halyburton much needed perspective on enduring captivity.

“Prior to that, I’d been worried about survival, doing my duty, staying healthy. And after that, I was given something extremely important to do: taking care of another human being,” Halyburton said. “That changed my whole attitude to ‘if we’re gonna get out of this together, we have to be together.’

We have to care for each other. We have to come together as a military unit and as a family, and that’s what we did.”

Enlivened by this attitude of comradery, Halyburton developed a phrase called ‘long-term non-specific optimism.’

“I decided I am not going to worry at all about anything that I have no control over. I want to concentrate on the things that I can. That’s when I said ‘I’m still optimistic, but long term.’

That really allowed me to not be so anxious,” Halyburton said.

After his separation from Cherry, Halyburton lived in a group of eight other POWs. They played games, laughed, educated and entertained each other, which further shifted his attitude and made imprisonment bearable.

“This environment offered opportunities to learn, to teach and have fun. By the end we were learning languages. I was learning how to play a guitar, I learned how to do chords on the piano. The things we were able to do were pretty amazing,” Halyburton said. “We proved to ourselves that we could do an awful lot even though we didn’t have much. I had become adapted because I needed to. I couldn’t think ‘I may not go home.’ I needed to think ‘If the war lasts another 10 years, then okay, I can make it;” Sixteen months into his captivity, Admiral James Stockdale sent Halyburton and 40 others’ names to American leadership using invisible carbon paper. Halyburton, unaware that his family thought he was dead, was then forced to confront the fact that they had been grieving. Similarly, Marty, previously comforted by the knowledge that at least her husband wasn’t suffering as a POW, had to adjust to a life of unknowns as the wife of a prisoner.

“I always had confidence that she was a strong person. I knew it’d be traumatic for her, but I certainly didn’t know I had been declared KIA (killed in action). I found out I was dead at about the same time she found out that I was alive,” Halyburton said.

“I said ‘What’s happened? Has she gotten remarried?’ That was a tough period. I had to assume an attitude that everything

Halyburton and with his wife Marty at their home in Greensboro, NC. Photo by Davidson College Website was going to be okay. There’s nothing I can do. There was no way to communicate with her.”

After 2,675 days of captivity, Halyburton was released during Operation Homecoming on Feb. 12, 1973. He underwent medical examination at Clark Air Force Base in the Philippines, before flying to San Francisco and finally Jacksonville. After reuniting with Marty at the hospital, they traveled to reunite with Dabney, their eight-year-old daughter.

“Dabney came running out and she says, ‘Daddy, can I sit in your lap?’ So we got off to a really good start,” Halyburton said. “I was very fortunate.”

The recipient of a Silver Star for valor, Halyburton then studied journalism at the University of Georgia before serving at Naval War College in Newport, Rhode Island from 1978 until retiring from the Navy in 1984. He continued to teach there until April 2006. Along the way, the Halyburtons grew to a family of five.

Marty and Halyburton returned to Vietnam in 1998 years later, and they were amazed at the people’s warmth and forgiveness.

“I had chosen to forgive as I left Vietnam. I couldn’t take the hatred home. When we went back, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know how we would be received,” Halyburton said. “Their country had been bombed more heavily than any other place. So much was destroyed of their lives and so many

killed. We had not suffered anything like that at home. I was just blown away by the fact that they could forgive, they could move on.”

The couple continued to make trips back, and Marty has worked as an English teacher at a hospitality training center in Vietnam and on the board of Children of Vietnam. In addition to volunteering at relief organizations, the Halyburtons have sponsored Vietnamese families that immigrated to the United States.

They now reside in Greensboro, North Carolina. Halyburton recently published a book, Reflections on Captivity: A Tapestry of Stories by a Vietnam War POW, chronicling his experience in Vietnam. Halyburton, who grew up in Davidson in addition to attending the College, valued his time at Davidson greatly.

Ultimately, he hopes the College community understands the importance of making the most of their education and, ultimately the value of forgiveness.

“My education at Davidson was extremely important in my life. I am such a firm believer in the liberal arts in one’s life, no matter what you do,” Halyburton said. “Make the most of this incredible opportunity. To learn, to learn about yourself and about others at Davidson. And of course, forgiveness. Getting rid of hatred from your life frees you up so much time. The quality of life is determined by the quality of the choices that you make as you

Davidson LifeLine Hosts Sucide Prevention Training VITTORIA SOCOLOF ‘26 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER

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n 2012, the town of Davidson lost five people to suicide. In light of the tragedies, town leaders and concerned parents gathered to discuss a plan of action, culminating in the launch of the Davidson LifeLine Organization. Davidson Lifeline is a non-profit community led initiative that strives to support mental health awareness and suicide prevention.

Diana Merrifield started as a volunteer for Davidson Lifeline in 2012 with some of her friends in response to the suicides— she then took over as President in 2021. She has lived in Davidson for almost seventeen years and has three children that went to Hough High School in Cornelius “I do not have a background in mental health but I have a background in compassion and caring for my community,” Merrifield said.

Merrifield has a personal connection to the organization’s goal. Her high school-age son lost a close friend to suicide.

“Losing her was a big loss for him and me personally,” she said.

Due the town’s small size of 15,000, the five suicides in 2012 attracted the Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC) concern. According

supporting the wellbeing of the student body.

She was involved in bringing LifeLine to campus.

“We decided to have this training because we wanted to be more intentional about

“It’s an hour of your time to have a conversation that may save someone’s life.” to WCNC Charlotte, Davidson’s suicide rate was five times the national average in 2012.

Furthermore, several studies have shown that people who lose a family member or close friend to suicide are more likely to attempt suicide themselves. This heightened Merrifield’s concern for her son.

“Our mission is to break down the stigma for seeking help for mental health,” she explained.

On April 8 from 1 pm to 3 pm, Davidson LifeLine hosted a Question, Persuade, Refer (QPR) training on campus to raise suicide awareness and offer prevention training.

Angela L. Harris is the Assistant Dean of Students and Case Manager at Davidson, and part of her work includes promoting and

providing training to students who can support their peers,” Harris said.

According to Harris, Davidson instituted this program to equip students with the necessary tools to help their peers in the event that a friend is expressing signs of self harm, depression, or suicidal thoughts.

“Students will often express their mental health concerns to other students before connecting to a trusted counselor,” Harris explained.

The training provided information on signsof suicidal thoughts that may not be obvious, such as a shift in personal habits or an uptake in using substances like alcohol.

Merrifield compares the three step process of QPR to CPR, as both are actions taken

before medical services arrive.

“You just want to connect somebody who may be having a mental health crisis… to somebody they can turn to for help,” Merrifield said.

Cle Pennington ‘22, a Mental Health Outreach Fellow at the College, said that another important aspect of QPR training is learning how to help a friend in need without harming one’s own mental health.

“What I imagine QPR training achieving is empowering students to protect themselves and their peers so they don’t get caught in a situation where this person’s suicidal ideation or their negative emotions are starting to erode the life, habits, or feelings of a student who cares very deeply for their friends,” Pennington said.

Merrifield explained that talking about suicide openly will create spaces for students who feel like they cannot reach out for help.

“It’s an hour of your time to have a conversation that may save someone’s life,” Merrifield said.

FeaturesInclusivity On Campus?

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Students of Minority Religions Search for Their Place at Davidson

STELLA MACKLER ‘26 (SHE/HER) CO-EDITOR IN CHIEF

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n 1970, over 90 percent of the Davidson student body were Christian. There were three Jewish students, three Buddhists, one Hindu and zero Muslim students. In the 52 years since, religious diversity at the school has evolved significantly and for the 2022-2023 school year, there are over 200 combined Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Buddhists on campus.

However, the environment remains predominantly Christian, due both to the largely Christian student body and the identity of the college as a Presbyterian institution.

The Rev. Rob Spach, the College Chaplain and Director of Religious and Spiritual Life, works with any and all students, including those for whom the Davidson community has not felt inclusive.

“Some students find it very difficult when they arrive at Davidson,” Spach said. “They have been in a context in which they were either the majority, or they were, you know, a very large part of a plurality. They get here and they encounter a lot of Christian students who are very deeply committed to their faith.

And at times, students can be taken aback, because culturally, it feels very different.”

Throughout his time at Davidson, Spach has sought to cultivate and sustain a welcoming atmosphere for these students and the community as a whole.

“We want to create an environment in which while we’re supporting each particularity, we have a very pluralistic environment and are respectful of one another and can learn from one another. We hope that it would be an uplifting religious and spiritual climate for everyone,” Spach said.

The experiences students of minority religions have at Davidson varies greatly.

For some, the support of the Chaplain’s office has been uplifting.

Safwan Islam ‘24 is president of the Muslim Student’s Association (MSA).

Although the Muslim community at Davidson is small, Islam does not see that as a strike against the school.

“My ideal version of a religion is not that everybody around me is exactly the same as me, or I’m surrounded by a predominantly

Muslim population,” Islam said. “I feel like if that were the case, then I wouldn’t really be able to grow in my faith and question things and come out the other end stronger. Being a minority actually has definitely challenged my faith, but I think I’ve been able to come out of it a stronger Muslim.”

Islam, and MSA as a whole, has flourished alongside assistance from the Chaplain’s office.

“The class right below us had a bunch [of Muslims] in the freshman class. This year, there’s about six or seven who are consistent [members of MSA]. So the future, at least for MSA at Davidson, is looking pretty bright.”

Davidson Dharma, the Buddhist group on campus, has also seen growth in the past years— particularly due to the work of Buddhist Chaplain Ivan Mayerhofer.

“We work closely with the Buddhist chaplain, and we’re grateful to have one on campus,” said Davidson Dharma CoPresident, Cassandra Blau ‘23. “He comes to our weekly meetings. Having that support from the administration, in that way, in the form of Ivan is helpful to us.”

On a more personal level, following Buddhism on campus appears to be a more individual practice compared to other organized religions.

“We don’t have to have a very stable, weekly or daily routine,” said Co-President Kaiyan Wang ‘24. “We don’t have to pray or anything. I think it’s basically just what you want.”

Life within Davidson’s predominantly Christian environment has felt more alienating for some than others.

Zuber Chawla ‘25 is the only self-identified Sikh at Davidson. By nature, his time here has felt isolating in terms of practicing his religion.

“I was expecting this,” Chawla said. “I don’t think it’s been very hard because I feel the religion itself and the way I practice is personal, it’s more about what I do. The only thing that’s really missing is the opportunity to volunteer and visit a physical temple.”

While limited in his religious observance, Chawla often feels the need to alter his practices because of those around him.

“Mostly I practice in my room,” Chawla said. “When I wake up in the morning for 20 minutes, I chant from the religious texts

Crime Log Time Reported 03/27/23 16:15 hrs

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Jackson Court, Further Investigation

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Protective Order Offense: Violation of a DVPO Wall, Cleared by Arrest

and meditate for about two, three minutes to start my day, and at night again right before I sleep. Unfortunately, my roommate sleeps really early. I kind of just say the words in my head. Because I have to.”

Nina Worley ‘26 is a Jewish student from New York City. Worley initially saw the greater ideological diversity of Davidson as a benefit to her.

“I was excited to go to Davidson in the sense that I was really put in a liberal echo chamber my entire life, which I appreciated at times, but I didn’t think as somebody who was studying policy, that would be good for me,” Worley said. “And so I thought, coming to Davidson, hearing other opinions for students and having to really form strong arguments against them, that was going to be necessary.”

Worley’s high spirits did not last, as she dealt with an environment she found to be unaccommodating. Her feelings were compounded when opening up to a professor.

“I expressed to them that a microaggression I felt .. was that a lot of the time, especially in the first few weeks of school, people would [ask].. ‘Oh, do you know, so and so?’ I was like, ‘No’. And they’re like, ‘Well, they’re Jewish, too.’” [I thought] ‘Do you think I know every Jewish person on this campus?’

And when I was talking to this professor…. it was not something I came at all prepared to deal with [coming from New York], they were like ‘oh that’s not a microaggression,’” Worley said.

Worely continued to describe the experience of other Jewish students on campus, and was once again met with aloofness.

“When I went on to tell this professor about other things that have not happened to me, but to other students on campus, I think they weren’t comfortable, so this was a reaction to being uncomfortable, but they laughed,” Worley said. “It was incredibly condescending, and made me feel almost as if I had interpreted things wrong.”

Worley’s time at Davidson has led her to confront different elements of her identity.

“I feel like I’ve become more religious coming to Davidson, which I didn’t expect at all, actually,” Worley said. “But I think it forced me to pick one of my identities more than the other. I think people more so

know me to be Jewish rather than Latina and Argentinian, which is kind of weird to me because that wasn’t what it was like in high school.”

Worley is not alone in questioning her identity. Yutika Patel ‘26, who identifies as Hindu, said her experience at Davidson has been more cultural than religious.

“I grew up Hindu and here at Davidson, I feel like I still identify as Hindu for sure,” Patel said. “But I’ve been practicing less, since I don’t really feel like I’ve made the space for myself to be religious.”

Patel attributes her experience to the newness of college.

“I’m in a new space. I’m figuring out who I am, it’s not like a bad thing. I guess. It’s just kind of something that I have to figure out myself now.”

Spach recognizes the barriers many students face when it comes to practicing or observing their religion.

“There’s also the reality that Davidson is not, by any means, a large enough place with enough diversity, to be able to provide some of the important pieces of religious practice that you might find either at a larger institution, or an institution that had much greater numbers of students from certain traditions,” Spach said.

However, he emphasizes that Davidson’s identity as a Presbyterian college can serve as an asset in cultivating a welcoming campus atmosphere instead of an obstacle.

“From the beginning, Presbyterians were always what we might call an ecumenical tradition, which means we have never thought that we have the whole truth or sole possession of the truth, or that we’re the right way to be religious,” Spach said. “We’ve always believed that our own understanding is limited. It’s limited by our culture and our historical circumstances. So we need to be open to people who practice in other ways because we can learn from them.”

Spach reiterated the importance of religious diversity at the college.

“I think we need more religious diversity.

But what we have now is a wonderful gift to this institution’s life. And it’s a wonderful expression of what it means to be a Presbyterian Church related College, in the 21st century.”

Perspectives

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To the Trustees: We Need More Accountability RONAN TOWELL ‘24

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y name is Ronan Towell and I am Student Body President. I am humbled to have the opportunity to speak in front of this distinguished group. It is inspiring to think that you were once in my shoes as a student here, that you too slept through your classes. As I have yet to meet the vast majority of you, I will spare you the details of my Davidson journey and instead, I will let the people who know me best make my introduction. My closest friends describe me as resilient, responsible, thoughtful, and honest, almost to a fault. My time at Davidson has given me the opportunity to grow into these traits, and for that I will be forever grateful.

As I was preparing for today, I kept returning to the saying “You are the company you keep.” I take pride in the friends that I have made here. Within the company I keep, we hold each other accountable. When we make mistakes, we regard vulnerable honesty more highly than narratives of convenience.

Today, I invite you to work with me and to continue your own work with students to make this true for the institution that has given us so much.

According to a recent survey that was conducted by the SGA and the Student Title IX representative, which was sent to all current students, there have been 34 instances of sexual violence on campus, which contradicts the Davidson’s official annual figure which varies on average between 5 to 10 formal cases a year before COVID, with a notable decrease since the pandemic. Because this survey is a starting point and almost certainly undercounts the true figure, further research is necessary. To my knowledge, no data exists about non- reported instances of sexual violence at Davidson College. For this discussion, sexual violence is defined “an all-encompassing, non-legal term that refers to harassment, sexual assault, r*pe, and sexual abuse.” Sexual violence can happen in any setting including classrooms, social gatherings, and sports practices, regardless of the time of day or wardrobe choices.

Before you is a summary of statistics from our survey, as well as anonymous statements directly from students about their experience with sexual violence on campus. When a student does come forward to the Title IX office, they are presented with formal and informal options by the College’s Title IX Coordinator. A formal case involves pursuing institutional action against their alleged perpetrator or “respondent.” Given the time commitment, emotional burden, and variable results, this route is often not chosen by survivors. An informal case allows for support measures to be put in place to protect the survivor of sexual violence such as a no-contact order and

approval for the survivor to change their Residential Hall and class schedule to limit interactions with their respondent.

The respondent is presented with the non-binding option of attending consent classes. There is no record kept of informal cases except in the private care files of the College’s Title IX

number of informal cases in which one student has been labeled a respondent.

Tw e l v e , she replied. Twelve times a single student has been named a respondent in informal reports yet they remain on-campus and able to pass a background check with no formal record, consequence, or accountability.

Right now, my peers are looking over their shoulders, unable to complete coursework or enjoy the wealth of opportunities available on campus. The full extent of the emotional burden of experiencing such a violation cannot be quantified nor can the grief and anger of seeing harm done to a loved one. As the College envisions its future under a new President, I invite the members of the Board of Trustees to collaborate and innovate a system that protects students and engages in restorative justice as a first response. Ideas include contracting a Pro- Bono legal team to support the current pro- bono attorney in her effort to represent students, as well as reforming the first year consent training and including follow-up sessions throughout their Davidson experience.

No one solution is perfect, but Davidson has the opportunity to innovate a combination of solutions to better care for all students. Researching the accountability policies of peer institutions is my next step and perhaps this is where the Board can step in, but that is of course up to you. I know that you all care about Davidson as much as I do and your expertise and experience with this topic are invaluable. Together we can create a campus that offers every student the opportunity to fulfill their potential without being abused, stalked, or otherwise violated by their peers. The Davidson Honor Code has persisted over generations, and has evolved significantly along with attitudes of equity on the basis of income, gender, race, and sexuality. What if we aimed even higher? What if the honor code read,“I will refrain from stealing, lying about College business, cheating on academic work, and violating the individual liberties of my fellow students?”

Ronan Towell ‘24 is the Davidson Student Body President, and is majoring in Environmental Studies.

A figure depicting the statistics of sexual assault at Davidson College. Provided by Ronan Towell ‘24

He delivered this speech in front of the Davidson Board of Trustees to inform them about the Title IX policies at Davidson, and how they need to improve.

Coordinator. There is no maximum number of informal cases that a student can have levied against them, nor is there a penalty for being listed as a respondent in multiple informal reports. I asked the Student Title IX Representative, what is the highest

If you have any questions, please direct them toward rotowell@ davidson.edu.

College Expectations are Crippling

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BELLE STALEY ‘26

would be lying to both myself and whoever is reading this if I declared myself a ‘normal’ college student.

However, in order to avoid the too-popularindie-not-like-other-girls trope, I will simply say I do not ‘do’ college normally. And while each bright star at Davidson shines in their own way— from stem queens to our Classical Language tyrants— I differ from each in a fundamental way.

Because I am not a college student.

I am simply in college.

Now, I admit, I am a freshly realized non-college student. My first semester as a self-decided college student I bumbled about to and fro the suggested classes, haphazardly attended seminars I thought might be important and occasionally made an appearance at F. I was miserable.

The friends I met seemed mostly situational (I’m desperate for connection and you are too? perfect!), the essays I readand then later the ones I wrote- seemed abstracted from my own reality, and I grasped desperately to hold onto my past self as I was dished out my new ‘collegestudent’ identity.

As I flapped helplessly to find a lifebuoy of personhood, I also chose to submerge myself in the crafts of myself.

My bread baking, my knitting, my painting.

In my life, these crafts have been a hallmark of myself, my growth, and my passions. They have been both a means of connection with others- companionship, as my Latin 201 class has taught me, comes directly from Latin roots meaning “with bread”- but also myself.

Though as I choose to make fresh jam and sourdough instead of going to commons, knit my mom a sweater instead of going to KSIG, and paint the Ada Jenkins Mural instead of attending office hours, I found myself further alienated.

Why did none of my friends enjoy baking at dawn? Why was bringing your knitting to parties a quick way to become a fun ‘commodity’? Why was I being referred to as BREAD GIRL all the time?

My questions were all answered, however, by a situational acquaintance: “We are college students, belle. You don’t do that in college.”

It was simple.

I was not a college student.

And that’s when I started to love being in college.

I love college! I love college! I love college!

My biggest worry is the physics project I have to create, the heaviest thing on my mind is the collection of greek ‘μι’ verbs I must memorize, and the only isolation I ever feel is self-made.

Because here, in this strange learning bubble, I am surrounded by people excited, people in action, and people who are also ‘in

college.’

We are all not the same. We are all not ‘just college students.’

Now that I have realized ‘the college experience’ is nothing but a Pinterest board of aesthetics rather than a set syllabus of identity, I have been able to find meaning in the abstraction, purpose in the situationality of every interaction, and opportunities in the brochures.

Though at first my frantic baking in Belk kitchen may have been an intense form of stress relief, I was recently awarded the Try it Fund grant to start my own sourdough business.

Though I signed up for classes with a complete lack of focus, I am enjoying ripping down the stereotypes and assumptions I had created for each genre of study. Yes, Stem is hard but impossible? Sunday AT exists for a reason. Yes, while the whimsical art major cliche stands powerfully, it often hides a meticulously kept creative habit. And yes, classes should take my time but not all of it.

As a college student, I was plagued with questions of my major, of my summer plans, and of creating a cohesive narrative to get me from point a (freshman with loose, but still preprofessional plan) to point b (senior with plans for higher education, then a professional career). Now, in college, I dabble in ancient languages in physics. I go to lectures on a whim and banter with professors about knitting patterns. Last year, as I maxed out my common app, I imagined the destination of ‘college’ in abstract terms and feelings.

Today, I still am n o c l o s e r t o understanding where ‘college’ is or ‘what’ it means, however, I am deeply enjoying being on the journey.

And finally, as a shoddy college student, I was, sadly, also a subpar college friend. I found myself solely relying on my situation to find my ‘fated lifelong college friends.’ I felt trapped by awkwardness, I felt angry by my isolation, and then further ousted by my hobbies.

It was only upon stepping out of the confines of my own identity, my own direct situation, that I was able to see people as more than fellow students but as individuals also battling the college experience. I was able to see individuals outside of college students- the workers on main street and the old ladies at the farmers market- to become a part of my experience.

So yes, to finish out my indulgent monologue, I am not a college student. I was never a college student. My knees hurt from jumping to meet expectations I never enjoyed and my shoulders ached in hunching from the weight of the expected. I like to crochet at parties. I enjoy baking rather than joining an E-board. I am choosing to go to a bread festival rather than Frolics.

But I do not say this to claim I am different, or alternative, or misunderstood, or ‘not like everyone else’ I am simply ‘in college.’

Sports

5

Following Large Turnover in Players Women’s Lacrosse Bounces Back With a Great Start

PAGE WOLFENDEN ‘24 (SHE/HER) SPORTS WRITER

D

avidson women’s lacrosse nears the end of regular season play after defeating George Mason this past Saturday, April 8, with a final score of 17-9, making them 5-1 in the Atlantic-10 conference, and 10-3 overall. The ‘Cats experienced their first conference loss on the season the previous Saturday, April 1, facing the first-seeded University of Massachusetts at home. The team tallied 4 goals against UMass’ 14.

Despite the loss, senior attacker and cocaptain Grace Fahey is confident in how the team can learn and improve from the game.

“Defense has been killing it. Holding UMass to 14 goals is impressive, we now just need to generate more on offense,” said Fahey. Head Coach Kim Wayne also emphasized embracing the UMass game in order to generate future wins. “We need to feel the pressure that UMass gave us every day we step on the field. If we can practice like we compete, then I believe we will see success,” said Wayne.

The program has experienced significant

growth and improvement in the past few years, setting a new record in 2022 for the most wins in a single season with 13. To add to the team’s success last season, seven players were named to Atlantic-10 All-Conference teams, including current senior attacker Erin Cooke, junior defender Noelle Cegielski, and senior goalkeeper Amanda Monahan receiving FirstTeam honors, and sophomore midfielder Riley Moore receiving All-Rookie honors.

Cegielski has been a defensive starter since her freshman season in 2021, and witnessed the team’s progress first hand.

“I think since my freshman year our team has gained a lot of confidence. [That season] we beat a ranked opponent, Virginia Tech, for the first time and ever since then when we go into competition with a higher ranked opponent we just go in positive and hyped up knowing that we can do anything we set our minds to,” Cegielski said.

Despite graduating nine seniors after the 2022 season, Head Coach Kim Wayne remains confident in the talent of returning and new players.

“I knew losing [nine seniors] was going to be tough. But I also knew we were returning

major threats [...] I believe we have reached or exceeded the expectations others had, and I know we still have so much more to give,” Wayne said.

In addition to strong returning players, the team welcomed 12 freshman this year, providing new talent for the ‘Cats. Freshman midfielder Allie Hartnett has already made an impact, tallying 18 points and 20 draw controls thus far in the season. Hartnett received her second-ever A-10 rookie of the week accolades after totalling two goals, five ground balls and five draw controls against conference opponent George Washington on Mar. 25.

In welcoming these 12 freshman, the current roster is the largest in program history, with 38 players. Senior attacker and co-captain Erin Cooke has watched the team grow from 28 players her freshman year to the now 38.

“With this increase in numbers, it’s been a great experience to be a part of a program that embraces so many different players who can come together to play some really good lacrosse,” Cooke said.

Wayne sees a larger roster as an opportunity to become more competitive, and as a stronger

backup when injuries occur.

“Knowing that we can still practice and compete despite injuries or illness gives us hope,” Wayne said. “I have also seen players step up in ways that I wouldn’t have expected and that’s always fun to see.”

For the remainder of regular conference play, the ‘Cats will face Saint Joseph’s, Richmond and La Salle. In the 2022 season, they were victorious over La Salle, but fell short in close games against Saint Joe’s and Richmond. Cegielski has been waiting for the opportunity to face Richmond again this year.

“Since I have been [at Davidson], we have never played them at home so I’m excited to have our home turf and friends to support us during a hard competition,” Cegielski said.

The Spiders currently hold the second-seed spot in the Atlantic-10 just above the ‘Cats.

With difficult competition still to come, Cegielski recognizes the importance in seeing each game as a learning experience.

“There will always be things we need to work on and those shouldn’t be viewed as our weaknesses, we need to work as a team to strengthen all aspects of our play together.”

Attacker Julianne Carey ‘24 (left) and midfielder Allie Hartnett ‘26 (right) maintain possesion against the University of Massachusetts on April 1. Photos by Baldwin Barnes ‘25.

Attacker Erin Cook ‘23 dodges a defender from University of Massachusetts on April 1 (left) makes a pass against Winthrop on Mar. 1 (right). Photos by Baldwin Barnes ‘25

Standings Update

A-10 Mens Baseball Standings Team

W

L

Strk W-Pct

Davidson St. Louis St. Joseph’s Dayton VCU George Mason Richmond Rhode Island Fordham George Washington St. Bonaventure UMass

5 5 4 4 3 3 3 3 2 2 2 0

1 1 2 2 3 3 3 3 4 4 4 6

W4

W1 L1 W4 W2 L1 W2 L1 W1 L2 L1 L6

.83 .83 .67 .67 .500 .500 .500 .500 .34 .34 .34 .0

A-10 Women’s Lacrosse Standings Team UMass Davidson St. Joseph’s Richmond GW George Mason VCU St. Bonaventure Duquesne La Salle

W

L

Strk GB

6 5 5 5 3 2 2 2 0 0

0 1 1 1 3 4 4 4 6 6

W6 W1 W4 W4 W3 L2 L2 L3 L6 L6

1 1 1 3 4 4 4 6 6

Arts and Culture

6

Everybody Examines What’s Most Important in Our Lives

T

MADELINE RICHARD ‘26 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER

he Davidson College Theatre Department recently brought the show Everybody to campus. The show is a retelling of the 1400s morality play Everyman, and, like its predecessor, it attempts to teach its audience moral lessons.

More precisely, the play remarks on the inevitability of death, encouraging viewers to reflect on themselves and what matters most in their lives.

Everybody has a powerful message, and its production was unique from the start. Rather than beginning onstage, cast members Uday Ahuja ‘26, Laura Lillian Baggett ‘26, D’Mycal Foreman ‘25 David Kilde ‘25, and Mahrle Siddall ‘25 were interspersed throughout the audience. They came onstage only once they had been summoned by Death (Sarah Catalano ‘26), and they reached the stage with understandably mortal panic.

Before learning their fate, cast members were assigned to their roles through a lottery. The casting of Everybody depended on chance, thus reflecting the uncertainty of life and death. This randomness meant that each performance of Everybody looked different — Ahuja, Baggett, Foreman, Kilde, and Siddall had equal chances of playing the roles of Everybody, Friendship, Kinship, and Stuff at each show. The cast members had to memorize multiple sets of lines, an impressive and challenging task.

Once roles had been assigned, the plot unfolded. Everybody had been sentenced to death by God and had to compile a presentation of their life. However, they were given the chance to bring someone on their journey for support, comfort, and company.

While Everybody was anxious about their

fate, they were grateful that they did not have to be alone and immediately started looking for the perfect companion.

Everybody began their search by turning to Friendship. When Everybody and Friendship first connected onstage, it seemed like there could be hope for Everybody. The two talked as if no time had passed, and they appeared to care about each other. In fact, Friendship even declared that they would die for Everybody.

However, other parts of their conversation were superficial — the two talked about generic topics, gossiped about irrelevant people, and avoided connecting on a deeper level.

Friendship was shallow, and when Everybody asked for a companion on their journey to death, they refused to join. Instead, Friendship gave Everybody a quick hug, offered a perfunctory “I’ll miss you,” and turned to find their other friends, thus suggesting that Friendship is in fact fragile.

After Friendship failed to support Everybody on their journey to death, Everybody looked to Kinship, two cousins, believing that family would always be by their side. While it seemed like Everybody and their cousins loved each other at first, it eventually became clear that Kinship was just as superficial as Friendship. Both cousins shied away from accompanying Everybody on their journey to death, explaining that they had other things to do and that they were not willing to sacrifice themselves for their family.

Everybody grew disillusioned with humanity after their interactions with Friendship and Kinship and even wished that they had spent more time on self-reflection than their relationships. They also wondered if the material world could accompany them on their journey, which caused them to call Stuff to the stage. Everybody was overjoyed to see Stuff at first and believed that, since they owned Stuff, they could absolutely bring Stuff on their journey. However, their optimism was soon

Davidson Theatre Department performs Everybody. Photo by Karli Henderson shattered. Stuff felt no attachment to Everybody and refused to join them. Stuff’s rejection alluded to the dangers of materialism, and it also left Everybody completely helpless. After consulting Friendship, Kinship, and Stuff, Everybody believed that they had exhausted their options for companionship.

While Everybody thought that they would have to undergo their journey alone, a twist at the end of the play brought them hope. They reconnected with Love (Malavika Kalani ‘24), suggesting that they do not have to be alone.

However, Love still had some unsustainable demands. For example, Love asked Everybody to strip and run around the theatre several times, which indicated that even love might be conditional.

As Everybody prepared to die, it was unclear who would accompany them. They encountered several qualities, like Beauty, Strength, and Understanding. Still, none of these qualities

were willing to follow them beyond the grave.

Yet ultimately, Love prevailed — they stayed with Everybody as they headed towards death.

Love recognized that their relationship with Everybody extended beyond their body and was instead about their emotional connection, driving them to support Everybody during their journey.

The play’s conclusion offers powerful commentary on what truly matters. Everybody suggests that Love is the only genuine thing in our lives and the only thing that will support us even in death. In doing so, it offers guidance on how we should view our lives and reveals that we should prioritize Love above all else.

Madeline Richard ‘26 (she/her) is an English major from Baltimore, MD. She can be reached for comment at marichard@davidson.edu.

Austin English: Abstract Realist in Conversation with his imaginative authenticity, inviting onlookers to deep levels of contemplation.

Focusing on his own aesthetics offers the work a transcendent quality as if it were an amalgamation of opposing styles such as blending techno and jazz music, another medium he takes inspiration from. HIc omics inspire powerful emotions, including joy, love, pain. The odd figures, moved about by a surreal dialogue connect the scenes and unite each panel into one cohesive work.

Through self publishing, English has been able to share his work that may have been too

STEPHEN WALKER ‘26 (HE/HIM) STAFF WRITER

O

n Thursday, March 23, 2023, artist and writer Austin English spoke to members of the Davidson community about his career path and plans for the future. As a cartoonist, English has published three books, and his artwork has been displayed in galleries across the United State,s including Et Al in San Francisco and Marvin Gardens in New York. He also runs his own comic specific publishing house, Domino Books, and teaches art at various institutions.

English began his talk reminiscing about artists who inspired his work: Lewis Carrol, who wrote Alice in Wonderland, in addition to artists Charlotte Solomon, Mark Bayer, and several others. English was inspired by these creators to make art in a way that is authentic to his own experiences. He made it quite clear that without these influences, his work would have looked quite different, or even ceased to exist entirely.

With these words, the audience gained insight into the rules and principles that guide English’s work. In his art, English generally places an emphasis on powerful colors and shapes which may appear jarring to those expecting a run of the mill cartoon. English values the ability to constantly experiment, pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable as his stories take the unexpected route.

English went on to take the audience through three of his books and the work that went into creating them. The excerpts from

Cover of English’s Gulag Casual. Photo credit: Austin English English’s three books displayed his mission to unconventionally depict human nature.

The strange, stunted figures and behaviors in surreal landscapes were meant to show the awkwardness of people trying to fit in. The mannerisms, he explained, were inspired by actors in the films of minimalist filmmaker Robert Bresson. The characters, it is important to note, were played by non-professional actors who express themselves on screen in ways professionals are taught to avoid.

The way English constructs his stories gives them a natural feel as they progress from one panel to the next. They are overflowing

his experiences with self-publishing first as a consumer, then as an artist, and finally as a publisher with his own company.

It has allowed him to make his passion his life’s work, and through Domino Books he can now give that gift to many other aspiring writers and artists. He has been able to shake up the industry and expand audiences for unconventional artists.

The talk closed with a Q & A in which English answered questions about how he has given back through his teaching.

He spoke of his mission to help others find their mode of creative expression and how he tries to emphasize that pure creativity and passion in all the work he does with his students.

He spoke about the future of the artform and how technology has begun to have a major impact on his work. There is a great freedom in what English has been able to accomplish in his work. It is the work of creators like English that allows viewers to understand the zenith of visual arts, a creative realm with no limits and a clear connection to the subconscious which inspires all that one can dream up and create.

Stephen Walker ‘26 (He/Him) is an English and Political Science major from Haverford, Pennsylvania. He can be reached for comment at stwalker@davidson.edu

Cartoonist Austin English. Photo credit: Austin English strange for conventional publications. Selfpublishing has also enabled English to share this work with the world. He spoke about

Living Davidson

7

Crossword Remark On The Ice Crosswords by Victor Fleming ‘73

Across 1. Professor Hilary (Africana Studies) or Sharon (Theatre) 6. Sportscaster Rashad 11. Curative locale 14. 1869 romance novel “___ Doone” 15. Inclines 16. “Great Expectations” character 17. Clue to 27-/47-Across 19. Put away, as a hero 20. Arizona city 21. Hero’s reward 22. “Fantasia 2000” format 23. VW model 25. Break of day 27. With 17-/63-Across

47-Across,

answer

Down 1. ___ onto (take hold of) 2. Be nomadic 3. “___ Tu” (1974 song) 4. Cause to see red 5. “Count me out” 6. Botanist’s wings 7. Cowpuncher’s bunch 8. Sirs’ counterparts 9. Explanatory comparison 10. “Spring ahead” hrs.

11. Annoying email 12. Bread for a gyro 13. Crowning point 18. Professor Frazier-Rath (German Studies) or Gaul (Chemistry) 22. Cut ___ (bisected) 24. Advil alternative 26. Displayed shock, maybe 27. Start at Carolina Inn? 28. Fraction of a joule 29. Manuel’s “I love you” 30. Certain investment, for short 31. Cuts down, as trees 32. Bald eagle’s cousin 33. BYU football rival 34. List of dishes 38. “Oliver Twist” burglar Bill __ 40. Berlin Airlift grp.

43. Small ravines 45. “To ___ own self be true” 48. Claws on a bird 49. Cheap booze 52. Animal symbolizing stubbness 53. How used goods are often sold 54. ___ Smurf 56. S. American nation 57. Caps Lock neighbor 59. “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer” character 60. Epps of acting 61. Animal skin 63. Conroy or O’henry (abbr.)

for

33. Thespian Thurman 35. U-shaped musical instrument 36. Boring event 37. Clipped 39. Fish with a long snout 41. Hold title with another 42. Conclusion 44. Professor Samson (Anthropology) or Coach McKillop (basketball) 46. “The Wasteland” poet, initially 47. See 27-Across 50. Sustainability Scholar Williams (Class of ‘24) 51. “If ___ say so myself” 52. Atlas entries 55. Not dirty 58. ‘Vette roof option 62. “___ Today” 63. See 17-Across 65. Balm application site 66. Change of ___ 67. Like farm country 68. That Cuban?

69. Op-ed piece 70. Activate

64. (abbr.)

2022 and 2023

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DAVIS CAFE’S “SWEET HEAT” CHICKEN SANDWICH: DA-YUM! PHIL GREENWOOD (HE/HIM) ‘26

WITH DAVID SOWINSKI (HE/THEY) ‘25 & ANAYA PATEL (ANY PRONOUNS) ‘25

H

appy April! For the next three minutes, cast aside your end-of-semester woes and bask in the joys of recent queer pop culture. Music will never be the same now that Boygenius has dropped their first full-length album. After several years of miscellaneous projects Lucy Dacus, Phoebe Bridgers, and Julien Baker have blessed our ears with fortytwo minutes of friendship, heartbreak, and queer joy. Gay icon Kristen Stewart also directed Boygenius’ 14-minute short “The Film” which weaves together three dreams of the three respective artists.

Lady Gaga—only half departing music for Joker: Folie à Deux—exploded social media again with set photos that revealed a new look at Harley Quinn (and Harleen Quinzel?). The photos provided fans with a stunning costume and food for thought on what the highly-anticipated Joker musical will look like. Speculation is running rampant, and the Little Monsters are fiending.

It was a great year for gay TV, as noted at the GLAAD Media Awards last Thursday night. Winners included the timeless lesbian baseball story “A League of Their Own” for Outstanding New TV Series as well as “Bros,” one of the first gay romantic comedies by a major studio, for Outstanding Film.

Grammy Award winner Lizzo and her shapewear brand Yitty recently announced a line of genderaffirming shapewear titled, “Your Skin.” The collection features a binder top and tucking thong and will be available late this summer. Yitty made the announcement ahead of last Friday’s Transgender Day of Visibility, which saw an outpouring of support for trans people from across the country and around the world.

As the queer and trans community continues to face violence and legislative attacks, remember to take care of yourself and your community. Pay attention to queer and trans struggles, but remember to cherish

The Sweet Heat Chicken Sandwich. Photo from the Davidson College Website down below, your any Davidson students (including myself) were laden pallet starts coping with the addition of… with angst and anxiety when what is that?...bread and butter pickle?!!

Davis Cafe’s second-semester menu It’s the perfect cool-down crew. Now we update hit the streets. The Tuscan Pesto, get into the real meat and potatoes. From the Chicken Parm, the Mushroom Swiss, top to bottom: thin shreds of union fried so much excitement, so many changes. to crispy perfection, a slice of pepper jack While all of these new additions deserve cheese, and finally: that crispy, crunchy, their own reviews, it’s the Sweet Heat, a tender, steamy chicken breast with a perfect harmony of textures and flavors, crispy, spice-embedded breading adorned that exists on its own playing field. Let with glistening chili-spiced honey. The me describe a bite in the most sensual sandwich is in perfect harmony. It packs way possible. First, the consumer meets a enough of a punch to justify the name soft yet sturdy, subtly sweet, egg-washed while each component serves its own brioche bun. It’s the perfect foundation special role in making it much more than for the strong flavors to follow. Then just your average “hot chicken sandwich”. your top row of teeth cuts into a crisp, It is a tangy sweet perfection. refreshing slice of romaine lettuce while

M

The

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Irreverent student journalism since 2004. Castigat Ridendo Mores. yowl.com/wealmostgotcanceled

inside

Student Learns Motivation Needed to Get to Class Was Having Groups of 3-4 Men Chase Them Page Concerning Anytime Else

April 11, 2023

4.9% Tuition Increase Liberal Arts Academics Middle School Biker Barely Covered the Shocked Their Humor Gang to Team Up With Cost of the Doug and Life Isn’t Relatable Zombies Mugs to the Rest of the U.S. Page World War MSBG Page Fiscal Responsi- Page College Bubble bility

Carol Quillen Becomes First Former Davidson College President to be Indicted

This is not the first major controversy for the out of office president. The DBI (Davidson Bu-

I

New President Doug Hicks commented, “Out of sight out of mind. We all commit tax fraud, our six figure salaries can’t put food on the table for my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/hookup…I don’t know who lives in that white house with me, not even I know.” Later we asked Hicks for further commentary and he said “which one of these basketball players are gonna be famous…I want a famous one dammit.”

ChatGPT Writes an Article

The

Yowl

Page Fifth Race to Heaven

reau of Instigation) previously accused Quillen of keeping classified college security documents in her safe over the break. A DBI raid at the president’s house found four dozen “classified” folders, which included secret plans to diminish study of quality of life in all ways “due to COVID.” The decision to indict a former (Davidson College) president has no precedent. It leaves us to speculate that taking (the non-binding honor code) legal action is a step that has not been taken before and will be taught in history classes. Unfortunately everyone knows you use your phone on Moodle tests, so the code really bears no weight.

Ironically, Quillen plans to return to teaching history classes after the case. When asked about running for Davidson College President again, Quillen alleged the charges were a political witch hunt established by the current president. Described as “something out of Veep”, it’s a miracle these overall shenanigans and chaos are not replicated at a national level or anywhere where policy impacts real people and not just liberal arts college students.

n breaking news, Davidson College, a small liberal arts institution located in North Carolina, has announced its latest plan to increase campus diversity: they will be importing penguins.

That’s right, you read that correctly. According to a statement released by the college, the penguins are expected to arrive on campus in the fall of 2023, and will live in a specially-built habitat that will mimic their natural environment.

But why penguins, you may ask? Well, according to Davidson’s administration, penguins are an underrepresented group in higher education, and bringing them to campus will help diversify the college’s population.

“We recognize that our campus community lacks diversity, and we believe that penguins will help us address this issue,” said Davidson’s president, Carol Quillen. “Plus, they’re just so cute!”

The move has been met with mixed reactions from students and faculty. Some are excited about the prospect of having penguins on campus, while others are questioning the logic behind the decision.

“I’m all for diversity, but I’m not sure im-

Easter Themed Drinks That Will Ensure You Meet Jesus

New Holy Grail Test

porting penguins is the best way to achieve it,” said one student, who wished to remain anonymous. “I mean, what are they going to do, take penguin studies courses?”

Others have raised concerns about the cost of the penguin habitat, which is estimated to be in the millions of dollars.

“I’m not sure why we’re spending all this money on penguins when there are so many other issues we could be addressing,” said a faculty member who also wished to remain anonymous. “It just seems like a bit of a frivolous expense.”

Despite the backlash, Davidson’s administration remains committed to the penguin plan.

They have even created a new position on campus – the Penguin Diversity Coordinator – to oversee the penguins’ integration into the campus community.

“We understand that this is a controversial decision, but we truly believe that bringing penguins to Davidson is the right thing to do,” said Quillen. “We hope that the penguins will not only bring more diversity to our campus, but also serve as a source of inspiration and joy for all members of our community.”

WRITERS He actually came The retired No cap Shot down ChadGPT

How to Get Featured On Davidson’s Instagram

D

avidson’s instagram has no agenda, they’re just trying to show students going about their daily life. If you’re out hanging out at Chambers, they’ll indiscriminately snap a picture of you, maybe you’ll make it on the Insta. Wouldn’t it be nice if that were true? No, Davidson’s instagram photographers are like fruit flies attracted to any fruit that isn’t white and straight and from the United States. I’ve never seen a fruit that’s white and straight and from the United States. There’s like them pumpkin looking things that are white and sort of straight, but it was an extended metaphor so you get it. If you are not white and from the United States, you bear the burden of having to shove off these incessant flies who want you for their photo ops to prove that Davidson isn’t just straight white people. Of course, everyone knows that Davidson is mostly just straight white people from the US. Like the plot from Taken, these Davidson photographers “will find you, and will photograph you.” As self-proclaimed white straight American Doug Hicks sits in his

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “You cannot publish that. It’s too controversial,” - Davidsonian Editor

house, his reporters swarm events to make the most diverse pictures possible. If Davidson truly wanted to give the world a representative sample of what goes on here on campus, they’d have pictures of frat bros sitting around the TV commenting on the attractiveness of each character or a student online shopping with their Dad’s money with no qualms in expediting shipping. Instead the reporters push the snow globe to find those who look “picturesque.” There’s no point in trying to fend them off, they will find you, and they’ll have excuses of the wazoo about why you’re the best candidate for a picture.

They’ll try to cover up their cold corporate cynicism by trying to appear genuine. Of course, the people that are on the Instagram do cool ass stuff, but I have a strange feeling that there’s something going on. Davidson is conning the world that their school is uber diverse, but this ain’t no Berkley, we’re in North Carolina. The school is about as diverse as our array of dining options.

YowlWord

Humans vs Zombies Statistics

Your Body Count

F

ormer President Quillen has been indicted on Honor Council charges for business fraud charges. She was charged in an alleged conspiracy to falsify business records, which no other President has ever done recently. In a plan to avoid having hush money payoffs and a “ludicrous dining dollar spending spree at Union’’ on tax records, the courts have 34 counts of wire fraud. After finding the records of the Quillen Organization, the local prosecuting district found wire transfers meant to keep quiet negative press in the Davidsonian. Reportedly paying off publishers of the tabloid, Quillen arranged several deals to keep sources from sharing their harmful stories that would have otherwise been picked up for a flashy headline.

The Resurrection Issue

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Note: The Yowl is a satirical supplement to The Davidsonian.

Hence, nothing in it should be taken as truth.