10 TIPS TO KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP ALIVE

BYJOANN‘JOJO’VENANT

I point the finger at every fairytale ever told. I blame it on the movies. I call out every feel-good rom-com that painted being in love as the ultimate life achievement. And oh, Disney, you're not off the hook! Each story, each movie, though embroiled in conflict initially, somehow magically wraps up with the picture-perfect ending. And what’s that ending always wrapped up in? Love! The immaculate, flawless love that we all supposedly need. These stories have ingrained in us the illusion that our wholeness and our ultimate happiness are tied to finding our ‘ one true love.’

Want to know what no one talks about–all of the hard work that this ‘fairytale’ actually takes! What about the pivotal communication skills they never teach you in school? And what about the individual healing we all need before intertwining our lives with another? No one ever talks about the hard stuff I’m talking about the difficult, nitty-gritty aspects of maintaining a relationship that seem to be left in the shadows. Let’s look a little deeper into what it really takes to keep the relationship going!

1)Flirt in the Open: Keep the PDA Alive- It should be common practice. It's not about those cringe-worthy, over-the-top displays that leave folks gasping. It's about a gentle squeeze of the hand, an unexpected peck, or even that knowing glance shared across a crowded room. How about a kiss on the cheek for no reason at all? How about a hug at a park after a stroll? Such small moments of affection reaffirm your bond, showing the world the genuine connection you share. Relationships need to keep that contact alive, and not just save it for the bedroom.

BY PRESERVING AND NURTURING YOUR UNIQUE SELF, YOU GIVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP A GENUINE FLAVOR AND PROVIDE A TEMPLATE FOR MUTUAL RESPECT.

2) Embrace Growth: Transform Together - Trust me when I tell you, you do not want the same relationship you had when you started. Relationships evolve; that's the natural order. Remember the butterflies and giddy smiles of the honeymoon phase? Beautiful, but it's the subsequent growth that adds depth. I get it–most of us are uncomfortable with change. Some even see it as a threat. But take a moment and think about what would happen if you embraced each change and challenge as opportunities, not threats? Expect your relationship to change. Expect your partner to change. I am not referring to change that threatens the core values and moral standards of the relationship. I am referencing change that reflects growth. Change is inevitable but growth is optional; I encourage you to choose growth. Couples who do not embrace and accept change are set up to be frustrated and disappointed when the ‘honey’ finally falls off the moon.

3) Stay True, Stay You! - Your individuality is your superpower Before the duo, there was a single ‘you’ with dreams, aspirations, and quirks. Hold on to that. You were meant to come together and compliment each other, not complete each other. If you do not know how to prioritize yourself, how can you define or expect someone else to prioritize you? By preserving and nurturing your unique self, you give your relationship a genuine flavor and provide a template for mutual respect.

4) Learn to Fight Fair - Spoiler alert– Tempers rise, conversations can escalate, and trigger buttons can get pushed by our partners It’s a part of life, and it happens But, it is key that you and your partner have to have a clear list of agreed-upon rules for what you will and will not do These rules need to be discussed in a calm, neutral environment, when tempers aren’t flared Open communication and follow-through is so important here! Some potential rules can be: not raising your voice, no curse words, no insults, no shutting down and walking away etc. Mind you–’no walking away’ can have exceptions. If you are too upset to continue in the discussion it is okay and even wise to end the talk. But you cannot end the conversation without setting up a follow-up time to re-engage in the topic when both parties have cooled down. You cannot leave your partner hanging. You need to reassure your partner that you want to re-engage but you need an hour, or 3 hours or 24 hours but you must set the time and stick to it (again, follow-through). By addressing issues constructively, you build resilience and understanding. It's not about winning an argument, but understanding each other's viewpoint.

It's not about winning an argument, but understanding each other's viewpoint.

5) Laughter: Your Relationship Secret Sauce - Laughter is medicine to the soul! Laughter keeps us young. If everything you do or discuss is serious then the relationship temperature will be just that: serious. You have to be able to have a little fun. Find joy in the shared chuckles and silly moments. A belly laugh after a long day or an inside joke can be the glue that binds you. The bills will still be there if you laugh and if you frown, so why not try adding some humor in your relationship? So, binge watch those comedies, share that hilarious meme, and remember to sprinkle your days with laughter. After all, shared laughter is a form of shared joy.