HOW TO
SURVIVE A MUSIC FESTIVAL by Kimberleigh Muller
GLAMCAMPING Fun, friends and fabulous trends are some of the top reasons for making it to any music festival. But the horror stories that arise from just a few short days of partying in the fields are enough to make your hair stand on end. Cancelled shows, bad weather, port-a-loos, and tent malfunctions are some of the more frustrating issues any festival goer’s faced with. Further along the line are accounts of crowd stampedes, rape and drug overdoses. But don’t let that scare you! You’re guaranteed to have a rocking time if you keep to basic camp rules – with style! Here are a few tips to help your festival experience along... 1. Wear whatever you want, as long as i t’s comfortable. You’re not at a fashion show, so pack durable clothes and plenty of spares in case the weather changes! Don’t forget your rubber boots and your toothbrush – and keep the latter with you at all times. Loosefitting, indie-inspired clothing goes a long way when it comes to comfortable style, so hurry over to your second hand store and pick up that retro jersey you’ve been eyeing! 2. Pitch your tent downwind from the dreaded port-a-loos. You may be tempted to camp conveniently close by, but don’t give in. The toilets will reek in just a few hours, and you don’t want to be stuck with those, errr, delicious smells for four days straight. 3. “Get some sleep in,” says musician and seasoned festival goer, Reuben Crowie. “Plan the hours you’re going to sleep, and stick to them.” You’ll have loads of events you want to catch and friends who will pull you in all directions, but be firm because you want to feel fresh when your hear your favourite band. 10
4. Know which shows you want to see, and don’t give in to group peer pressure. “If there’s a band you want to hear, you should go!” says Zeke Le Grange, tenor saxophonist in the National Youth Jazz Band. We all know about safety in numbers, but don’t let the group dictate your movements. Just make sure your phone’s charged and you have someone you can call in an emergency. 5. Finally, glam camping wouldn’t be the same without unlimited access to illegal substances. This is a music festival, after all, and many come to make the most of lax security. Not doing drugs is always the best decision – especially since you may not know what you’re taking – but if you must, be safe! Stay with friends and near to your tent where you can relax. Having a bad trip in the middle of a crowd of thousands is not a wise idea, and officials will be on the lookout for suspicious behaviour.
“Have loads of fun, go absolutely mad as crackers, and take as many pictures as possible. Memories like these only come around once in a lifetime!” Mostly A’s: You’re a relaxed person who likes to enjoy life with as little hassle as possible. You hate it when your peace is disturbed, but anything could happen and you have an open mind and heart. You’re best suited for the Cape Town Jazz Fesival, or Swellendam’s Up The Creek fest where you can sit on the grass, have a beer, and while the afternoon away listening to some good music. Mostly B’s: You’re a nut job, you’re zany, with character to spare. You’re the life of the party, a party animal, and can’t stand someone boring who just won’t have fun. You’re Ke$ha’s homie, Katie’s love interest, and MC Hammer’s 80s attitude all rolled into one. Music festivals like the Southern Cross or the Awesome Africa Festival get you excited. You’re ready to dance both day and night and have the time of your life. Mostly C’s: You’re the first to admit you’re a b****, but you don’t care. You’re loyal, protective and love your friends like your own family. The phrase ‘bros before hos’ definitely applies! Anyone who stands in your way will turn you into a raging bull,
SIDE COLUMN: QUIZZ Which festival is best suited for you?
1. I am... a. Cooler than a cucumber b. Wild, wild, sunflower child c. High maintenance d. Romantic at heart e. Not in the mood to talk 2. I prefer listening to... a. Jazz, funk and reggae b. Pop, house, or dubstep c. Hip hop and R&B d. Love songs and classics e. Heavy metal and hard rock 3. My favourite thing to do is... a. Relax at home or with friends b. Party, party, party! c. Have a night out with my girls/boys d. Going on a date with my man/lady e. Get raucous in the woods! 4. The worst thing that could happen to me is... a. Someone ruining the vibes b. Running out of alcohol c. Breaking a nail d. Being dumped e. Losing my Swiss Army Knife
but that rarely happens because you’re such a force already! Festivals like Makufe in Bloemfontein and Pink Loerie Mardi Gras in Knysna get you excited. You just love bumping and grinding to the music. Mostly D’s: You’re a complete romantic, and you don’t care who knows it. You’re head over heels in love with love – from flowers to presents, wedding bells and babies. Anyone who breaks your heart is ruthless, and deserves any vindictive behaviour that follows. You love mellow, caring environments and Oppikoppi Easter Festival or Standard Bank’s Joy of Jazz is great for raising your lighter and swaying to the music. Mostly E’s: You’re an all rounder. You’re fit, healthy, love anything fun or outgoing – especially if it saves the planet. Your idea of a perfect world is one where everyone does whatever they want without harming their planet. You admire festivals like AfrikaBurn and Rocking the Daisies, who do their best to keep their carbon footprint low. You love going crazy in the mosh pit, and the more the merrier – especially at Rustler’s Valley New Year’s Gathering!