Yente zine - Edition Judith

Yente zine presents Judith: read from right to left

Lessons from Judith

Meg: always have a bestie you can rely on to carry a head for you

Rosa: if you ever want to know how to make murder sexy and feminist, look to Judith for inspo Ilana: always carry a roomy tote bag to stay a (head ) of any circumstances which might arise Lily: don't let your enemy feed you cheese

cover artist

Sarah Heller

SarahHellerorSheistheEarthistheartistbehindthecoverartof Yente.

IwasbornandraisedinCaliforniaandcurrentlyfindmyselfbythe bigsaltyblueinthesouthernpartofthestate.Byday,IamanArt TherapistforteensandbynightIenjoysmakingartformyself.In thepastfewyears,Ifinallydecidedtobranchoutbeyondgiftsfor othersandprojectsformyself,andIbeganpostingmyartonline anddoingcommissionshereandthere. Ifindthatcreatingartisanactofresistance resistanceofthe system,resistancetonegativeself-talk,resistancetohopelessness, resistancetofear.Iamconstantlyinastateofkindcuriosity, intentionallyquestioningeverything.AndIhopetocontinuously helpothersfindtheirvoicethroughtheactofcreation,especially whenwordsjustaren’tenough.

FindmoreonSarah’sInstagram @sheistheearthart

Yaakov Akiva

CW:transmisogyny,transphobia

Thestoriestoldabouttrans*feminine aretypicallysomewhatdifferenttoth abouttrans*masculinepeople.

The majority of public discourse transness centers around the vilifica trans-feminine people. They have depicted as sexually pe “autogynephiles” (thank you, Blan belittled as little more than “pantomimedames”(thankyou,Greer) very self-identities ironically conclusiveevidenceoftheir“malenes logic being that it is precisely entitlement” that permits a person to with utmost sincerity, that they know being a woman feels like; and fea patriarchal conspirators whose reque safetyareseentorepresentinvasions lastvestigesof[cis,White]“women’s” beitthebathroomortherefuge(thankyou, The Guardian).These familiar accounts of what trans* femininity both evidences and “does”areallunitedintheirassumptionthatit poses some sort of threat - whether to “normal” sexuality, feminist projects, or [cis, White]women’sbodilyandpersonalintegrity.

Comparethissituationtothatfacedbytransmasculine people. When we are - more rarely - spoken about, much of the conversation surrounds our vulnerability. For Raymond, transgender men - forget Halberstam’s trans-asterisk - are “lost women”;inotherwords,weneedfeminism even more than women do, our refusal to eitherbeorstaywomensimplymanifesting a misguided effort to acquire some semblance of male privilege under conditions of patriarchy. Rather than patriarchal agents, we are more often seen aspatriarchaldupes.

people are seen as ideologically misguided, and hence must be saved fromthemselves(eradicated).

Our oppression, then, is epistemic as well as literal. It is epistemic in the sense that we are seen as incapable of speaking for ourselves, accused of something akin to “false consciousness”. This is sometimes overt - as seen in the vitriolic works of trans-exclusionary “radical” feminists - but it also operates more subliminally, perhaps most notably a system of healthcare that we submit our “symptoms” ician in the hope that they eveus(obtainingadiagnosis der dysphoria” is still a site for gender-affirming interventions).Transgender havesoughttochallengethe on of “falseness” in various

For example, Fertig responds to the oft-levelled argument that trans-masculine folk are “really”justconfusedwomeninaninterestingway:ratherthanbeing“lostwomen”,thefact that we ‘have had to construct [our] masculinity from the ground up, to overcome everythingabout[ourselves]justtobemen’isactuallytestamenttoourmalenessbecause thisisexactlywhattheAmericanDreammythosofmasculinityenvisionsasthecharacter profileofa“realman”-‘self-creative,independent,willingtostanduptoconventiontolive alifeofhonestrespectability’.Heissurelyrightthatwecraftmasculinityagainsttheodds ofourfemaleassignment,ourparents’disapproval-or,ifwearelucky,bewildermentstatebureaucracy,waitinglists,andcisnormativity.Andthereiscertainlysomerhetorical forceinhis“gotcha”moveofassertingthatthecourageittakestoresistonesetofgendered norms(assignedfemaleness)ispreciselywhatprovesone’sconformitytoanothersetof norms(masculinity).

Thetrouble,however,isthatalthoughthis framing may fare well as a strategy for garnering public recognition, it does little in the way of emphasizing the resistant potential of trans* masculinity or its capability to queer masculinity itself - if anything, it risks doing the opposite, by appealing to a “meritocratic imaginary” that carries racist, classist, and ableist baggage. It appeases cisnormativity by installing a form of transnormativity. Of course, by virtue of having invoked the term “queer” and assuming the redeemabilityofmasculinity(oratthevery least, suggesting that some level of epistemic humility is required concerning its possible future iterations), I will have already incited the wrath of the most dogmatic trans-exclusionary “radical” feminists, for whom “queer theory” lives rent free in their heads as a reactionary strawman.Sobeit.Iammoreinterestedin addressingthosefeministswhoholdquiet concerns about trans* masculinity and its relationship(s)withfeministpolitics. Noble offers one possible response to the worry that trans* masculinity may be incompatible with feminist aims. They argue that we are “sons of the feminist movement” who carry feminist principles inourbinders.

We are emissaries of the feminist project, missionaries even, our role being to denaturalise normative (cis, hetero, White) masculinity from the inside, to forge new, non-oppressiveinstantiationsofmasculinity fromtherubbleofthevariousknowledges provided by memories of female assignment.Thatisthedream.Therealityis rather muddy. And while I am always cautious to avoid adding to the persistent hyperfixation surrounding the genders of trans*peopleorsimplyre-hashingthetired “resistant or oppressive” debate that also plaguesus,IamawarethatIhave,insome sense,“chosen”masculinity-chosen,finally, toindulgemyattachmenttoit-andthatI amalso[choosingto]beartheresponsibility ofnavigatinghowIcansquarethatwithmy broaderpoliticalcommitments.

On what feels like the eve of my physical transition, I am thinking carefully about howIcantakeheedofthewarningissued by Jacob Hale, a trans-masculine philosopher. Contra Fertig, he cautions trans-masculine folk against establishing White, cishet masculinity as our central pointofreference-itisthis,inpart,which underpins the problematic notion of “passing”-andbarometerforevaluatingour ownmasculinities.

Thedifficulttruthisthat,atleastinbroadly cisgendercontexts,themostcredibleforms ofmasculinity-“credible”onlyinthesense that our successful performances of them willensurethatsought-afteraddressof“he” or avoid the misrecognition of “miss” - are oftenalsooppressive.Thiswasmadealltoo clear by the number of “FTM passing tips” onlinethatadvisedmetocompensateformy ostensible femaleness by dominating conversation, taking up undue space on publictransport,andonlypermittingmyself theemotionalrangeofapieceofcardboard. Interestingly,muchresearchhasshownthat formanytrans*masculinepeople,itisonly after physically transitioning into a body that is more legibly “male” that hypermasculine behaviour ceases to be a necessary prerequisite for external recognition, thereby permitting greater opportunity for a wider range of gender expression.

Buttheissueneverthelessremains:howdo we create spaces of possibility, of legibility,ofthinkability,formasculinityinallofitsvaryingembodiments?Howdo wecreateresistantandyetlegibleforms ofmasculinitieswhenwedonotallhave (orwant)beardsanddeepvoices?

Whenactivelynavigatingthisissuemyself,I have found it more productive (and certainly less self-deprecating) to avoid inadvertently positioning myself as the wide-eyedstudentofcisgendermasculinity whowishestobecomefullyinitiated-or,to avoid euphemism, assimilated - into its conventions. Instead, I imagine myself as a potentialrolemodeltocisgendermen.Itry torecalltheincreasinglyburiedmemoriesof whatitwasliketobeviewedasawomanby them, and to think about how I wish they had behaved. I try to ask my femmepresenting and/or female-identifying loved oneshowmasculinefolkhavedisappointed them(whetherromantically,platonically,or sexually) and what it is that they need - if anything-fromus,giventhatweseemtobe heretostay,andmanyofthemdesperately wantusto.

I also want to suggest that there may be something doubly dysphoric about masculine oriaspecifically,insofarasIamdysphoric my dysphoria - those feelings of rability,ofsmallness,ofinsecurity,areall ine-coded, even as they are (rather oxically) also a by-product of mporary manhood itself, part and parcel what we have come to call “toxic” ulinity, contingent as it is on the iation of femininity. In other words, I nlyhavemyfairshareofmalefragilityrtig is right that I, as a trans-masculine n, have something in common with ndermen,evenifitisnotquiteintheway he meant. But my hope for my own ulinity-andmoreimportantly,formyown nhood - is that I have the courage, uline or otherwise, to allow it to contain udes.

Onesuchdimension,admittedly,mightbethat wehavetocedeground-acknowledgethatthere is,indeed,athreadoftruthinthoseconcernsthat theaffirmationoftrans-masculinityreliesona disavowalofgirlhood,offemininity,of womanhood.Myfriendscanattesttothis,when my“ironic”insistencethatitwouldbe unconscionableformetowearat-shirtfromthe women’ssectionmakesvisiblethisdynamicof repudiation,evenasmyprinciplesspurn,atleast intheory,allsuchfemmephobiaandmisogyny). Iwouldconjecture,though,thatthereareno gendersthatcompletelysatisfythelitmustestof "resistant"andIamleftwonderingwhyitisis trans-nessinparticularthatissooftencalled upontodemonstrateitsconcordancewith politicalprincipleinordertoavoidannihilation

AllIcansay,then,isthis:one day,Iwillwearmynail polishagainwhileholding mygirlfriend’shand;Iwill listenwithgenuineearnest tomyfriendswhilegrowing outmybeard;Iwilldance byswingingmyhipsagain whilstbeingcarefulnotto stamponanyone’stoes.That ismypersonalresistance.

JEwBU

Mybedsidetablecontains mydadgavememanyye calmsmile.Hesitsnextto meditation–andasmall myMagenDavidandthes grandfatherwasgivenon

WhenIwasveryyoung,thefactsweresimple:mymotherisJewish,myfatherisBuddhist.My motherisJewish,soIamaJew.IpractiseBuddhism,soIamaBuddhist.

AsIgotolder,thingsseemedtogetmorecomplicated.

WhenIwasthirteenIhadanonJewishfriendwhofirmlytoldmethatIcouldnotbeJewish becauseIpractisedBuddhism.IbegantofeellikeI‘wasn’tJewishenough’butIwasBuddhist enough;theotherJewsaroundmeseemedsomuchmoreJewishthanme,andIwassomuchmore Buddhistthananyoneelse.

So,throughoutmyhighschoolyears,IletmyJewish identityslowlyslipbetweenmyfingers

OnceIgottouniversity,Ilearnedthatbothofthese religionsareveryimportanttome Ibegantodeepenmy Buddhistpracticebymeditatingmore,andIlearned moreaboutBuddhistphilosophybylearningPāli,the ancientlanguagethatBuddhisttextsarewrittenin.Ialso begantoreconnecttotheJewishidentitythatIhadleft behind.IstoppedtellingpeoplethatIwas‘halfJewish’or jokingthatIwas‘Jew-ish’,andstartedwearingmy MagenDavidmore.Myfriendalsoencouragedmeto comealongtotheJsocFridaynightdinnerswithhim.I foundagreatsenseofcommunityandfamiliaritythere.

However,IamnotthefirsttomixJudaismwith Buddhism.Jewshaveplayedadisproportionatelylarge roleinestablishingBuddhismintheWest,somuchso thatanamehasbeengiventoBuddhistJews:JewBu.The namewaspopularisedbyRogerKamenetzinhisbook TheJewintheLotus.Thisisanincredibleaccountofthe meetingbetweenadelegationofRabbisandtheDalai Lama,thespiritualleaderofTibetanBuddhism.

TherearealotofexotericelementstoJudaism.Itvaluescommunityandritual.Itisas muchofanidentityasitisareligion.AlotofusoutwardlypresentourJewishnessto theworld–wearingtheMagenDavid,Kippahs,tossingJewishwordsinto conversations.Allofthesearemarkersofouridentity,theysometimes‘other’usfrom therestofsocietybutalsocandrawustogetherintoacommunity.Buddhismisnotlike thatatall.Itisahighlyesotericreligionthatfocusesonone’sownspiritualpath.

Otherthanawhitestringorbeadstiedaroundtheirwrist,thereisusuallynothingthat outwardlymarksapractisinglaypersonasaBuddhistOfcourse,thereisastrong communalelementtoBuddhismtoo,thesangha,buteachmemberofthesanghaison theirownsolitarypath.

Youdon’thavetostepfarintoBuddhistphilosophybeforeyoucomeupontheconcept ofAnatta.ThisPāliwordisoftentranslatedas‘noself’,butmoreaccuratelymeans‘no enduring,innateSelf’Inotherwords,weshouldletgoofourego,the‘I’whogetsangry andupsetwheninsulted,orfeelsproudandsmugwhenexperiencingsuccess.Ifwelet goofourego,thenwestopgettingupsetwhenthingsdon’tgoourwayandstop cravingthingsthatwethinkwillbringushappiness.

Butifweletgooftheconceptofanenduring,innateSelf,thenwearealsolettinggoof identityOneBuddhisttextcalledMilindapañhaarguesinfavourofanattabyshowing thatthereisnopartofthebodyormindthatyoucanpointtoandsayyes,thatisthe essenceofSelf,thatisme.WhenIlookinamirror,Ican’tpointtomyhead,torso,arm, legetc.andsayyes,thatiswheremySelfreallylives.Inthatcase,thereisnopartofme Icanpointtoandsay‘yes,thatisaJew,thatisaBuddhist’.

TheBuddhawasessentiallysayingthatidentityisasocialconstructAsaqueerperson thatisawonderfulthing–Inolongerneedtolookf doesthatmeanforbeingJewish,wherebeingablet manyofustogether?Forme,thissimpleassertionis

ThisJewishidentityandBuddhistnon-identitypara rationalandlogicalthinkingwillgivemeanykindo Icandoisbreathe,letgo,andletthetworealitiesex

Matilda Jackson Long

ICAMETOSADEHFARMFROMKENTUCKY.

YES,LIKEKENTUCKYFRIEDCHICKEN. YES,THEREAREJEWSINKENTUCKY,BUTNOTMANY! MANDYSTEIN

ItooktoInstagraminsearchofamorefar-reachingJewishcommunity,a communitythatincludedfolkswithasharedinterestinTikkunOlam,an intersectionalcommunitythatcelebratesqueerness,andJewsfromall walksoflife.WhileincreasingmypersonalJewishexpression,Istarted followingotherJewishcontentcreatorsandinfluencers.Therabbithole broughtmetothe@sadeh farminstagrampagewhereInoticedthe applicationsfortheautumnfellowshipwereopen.NowIfindmyself residinginanoldgreencaravan(OldGreenie)onthegrassyfieldsofSadeh. NowIfindmyselftheSocialMediaManagerfor@sadeh farminstagram!

Tome,Sadehmeanscultivatedcommunity.Tome,thiscommunitymeans resistancetoassimilationandresistancetosocietalsubjugation.Iwillbring thisfeelingofconnectednesswhereverIgobyrememberingthatIampart ofwhatmakestheJewishcommunitywhole,justbybeingmyself.

Ocean of Love

Youcan'tfixher Youcan'tchangeher Youcan'tconvincehertoseethingsanydifferently Accepttheperson shewishestobe Evenifthatperson isnotwhoyouare Allyoucando isfindthelove andgratitude, ofwhichthereisplenty. Anoceanoflove, thatattimesis blocked bymountainsofpain. B u t w e a r e s t r o n g J e w i s h w o m e n . W e h a v e m o v e d m o u n t a i n s b e f o r e

Raye Schiller

X A L T A T I O

Remembering our retribution

WhenthecaptainsoftheAssyrians'armyheardthese words, they tore their coats, and their minds were exceptionallytroubled; םימשהבלדעלעיוהנחמהלכבהלודגהלומהלוקיהיו:and therewasacryandaverygreatnoisethroughoutthe camp. Itisagainstthisbackdropthattheenemy’shumanityisdetected. They are no longer the besiegers or the pillagers or the tormentorsbutratherinthismomenttheybecometheaimless mournerswhohavelosttheirleader.Bagoacamefromadifferent tribetoJudithbutwhenhefoundHolofernesdead:“hecriedwith aloudvoice,withweepingandsighingandamightycry,andhe torehisgarments”justasJudithhaddoneforherhusbandWhen thisgroupofpeoplelosttheirleader,theirmourningprocess emulatedtheIsraelite’s:theytoretheirclothesandtheir‘minds wereexceptionallytroubled’;theoppressorsarestrippeddownto theundeniablyuniversalexperience:thelossofalovedone לכתאםעידוהלםיבורקהלארשיירעלכלםיכאלמחלשהיזועו

Uzziah sent to Betomasthem and to Bebai and ChobaiandColaandtoallthecoastsofIsrael,todeclare allthathadhappenedandtotellthemthatallshouldrush forthupontheirenemiestodestroythem

NowwhenthechildrenofIsraelheardit,theyallfell uponthemwithoneconsentandslewthemallthewayto Chobai;

Injustamatterofdays,theIsraeliteswhohadbeenoppressed subvertedthepreexistingpowerstructureandtheycollectively setouttoobliteratetheiroppressor Justastheirenemieshad followedvisceraldemands,thechildrenofIsraelacceptedthe ‘calltoaction’:theyattackedthem,murderedthemandpillaged theirvillages,dehumanisingthesepeopletodeath.Thepassage presentshowtheflexibilityofhumancapabilitycanbestretched andthatsupposedculturalessentialismwhichclaimsviolenceis innate in certain groups must be denied, and it is rather situationaltothehumancondition:theIsraeliteswerefuelledby rage When they returned from the slaughter, they danced aroundHolofernes'head

WithinmanyJewishstories,theIsraelitesfirsttakeinstinctive revengebeforetheybegintheircelebrationsAttheendofthe Purimstory,thepeopleofIsraelkilledover75,000peopleout ofrevenge:“Theydisposedoftheirenemies,killingseventyfive thousand of their foes” (Esther 916) and when the IsraeliteshadtheirexodusofEgypt:“Thewatersturnedback andcoveredthechariotsandtheriders Pharaoh’sentire army that followed them into the sea; not one of them remained”(exodus1428)TheIsraelite’sreprisalishowever, notwhatisrememberedwhenweeatdoughnutsordrink fourglassesofwine.

Although,Judith'sstoryissetthousandsofyearsago,inanage oftribalwarfareandrevenge:thesethemesofretribution, reparations, vengeance and memory are prescient in the contemporaryInmoderndayhistoryandinthepresentday differentleadersanddifferentpeoplehaveactedoutofanger Just as the Israelites were oppressed into anger and Holofernes's people were murdered out of the Israelite's revenge:peopleallovertheworldaresubjecttomodernday versions;alongasimilarveinofpillagingandmourningbut somehowweareabletostopforgettingtheminexchangefor ourhedonisticcelebrations

Thepurposeofthispieceisnottoprescribewhatrevenge shouldlooklike.However,itisratheraboutpublicmemory.It is toprovideapointofperspectiveandtoencourageyouto rememberourhistorybeforeyoujudgeanotherpeople’s revenge.

ThinkaboutJudithbeforeyoucriticise‘radicalmovements’for being too radical Try and understand the ‘Israelite’ but simultaneouslytryandsympathisewith ‘Bagoa.’Thinkabout whathashappenedinhistoryforyoutobeabletohavethis Chanukaorthatbirthdaycelebrationinyourexacthouseat thisexactmomentAsindividualswecannotgrowandexistas moralpeopleandasamoralpeopleuntilweinterrogateour personal,national,andinternationalhistory

Whilst we understand our oppression and celebrate our survival,wemuststillatoneandreflectonallofourhistory. As a Jewish minority we still have the responsibility to understandwhosesuffering wemightbecausingandasa queercommunitywemustunderstoodwhomightcontinueto feelexcludedfromspacesduetoouractionsWemustlook outsideofourselvesbecausewecannotaffordtoignoreour presentandpastbutwerathermustreflectonit

Wecannotaffordtojustfocusonthescenethatends withusdancinginthefieldsandeatingpomegranates butratherwemustacknowledgeJudith’sknifewhich carvedusourcontemporary

Before the celebration, this story ends with Israelite:

Vengeance retribution Murder retaliation reparation reprisal indemnities

medium:oilonlinden dimensions:89.5x61.9cm

CranachtheElderandhisworkshopproducedseveralversionsofthiscomposition,suggestingsuccessful engagementfromhispatronsJudithismadecontemporaneousherethroughhercourtlydress,attributinga relevancetothemessageofthestoryItbearsastrikingresemblancetohisportraitSybille,alsopaintedin the1530s,firmlysituatingthelegacyofJudithwithinCranach'stimeAsiscommonwithsuchdepictions, Judithispresentedasserenelybeautiful,Holofernes'headagruesomecontrast.IfindpoignanceinCranach's legacyintheThirdReich.Idon'tknowwhattomakeoftheNazi'sfondnessforCranach,butthereis somethingunsettlingintheirloveforapainterwhoisrenownedforadepictionofaJewishheroine.

what was lost on the way to metroland?

WhileshepherdingachederclassacrossStepneyGreen,Ifeltapeculiarsenseof loss.Foralmostacentury,theEastEndwasthecentreofBritishJewry,providinga refugetothosefleeingprogromsanddiscriminationinEasternEurope.Longgone aretherowsofamateurYiddishtheatres.Fromthe1950sonwards,sociallymobile JewsabletofleeconditionsofpovertyintheEastEndsoughtnewlybuilt suburbanhomesinnorth-westLondon.So,theshtetlsofthenew-GoldersGreen, theFinchleys,Chigwell-replacedtheoldshtetlsofStepney,Whitechapeland BrickLane.MigrationpathsincludedfurtherawayEssexandSouthLondon,but alsosmallertraversestoStokeNewingtonandStamfordHill.

Thereisarelationshipbetweenphysicallocationsandaccessto(political)power. BellHooksnotesthatmarginalitycanbea‘spaceofresistance’.Unlikethose existinginthecentre,whotendtobeblind[ed]totheoperationsofthesocial universe,themarginalisedaremorelikelytobeendowedwithan“oppositional worldview”,asenseofselfandsolidarity.AlthoughBellHooksdidnotintendher viewtobeuniversalising,speakingspecificallytotheexperienceofAfricanAmericans,itseemsrelevanthere.Sheinvitesustoseethatthe“spaceof resistance”mustbeentered,ratherthanbeingsimplyagivenforthosewhoare marginalised.

TheBritishJewishexperiencehasalwaysbeenaspectrumofmarginality.There areBritishJewswhoareoftheestablishment,oratleast,considerthemselves BritishJews,andthosethatdon’t.Jewswhofeelthemselvestobeoutsiders, perhapsbecauseoftheirworking-classidentity,differingviewsontotem-topics likeIsraelandPalestine,racialisedfeatures,oraJewishidentitypredicatedon distinctiveness.

Fromthelate19thcentury,whenJewishrefugeesarrivedintheUK,established Jewswerethreatenedbythepovertyandothernessoftheiremigrecousins.These AshkenazimwhospokelittleEnglish,preferredthefolkwaysoftheirabandoned homelandstotheprospectofassimilation.ThecharityofthewealthyAnglo-Jewry wasmetwithsuspicion-rightly,theysuspectedacivilisingmissioninprogress. Today,thesefracturesstillrumblebeneaththeJewishcommunity.

MentionsofGoldersGreenandStamfordHillactasplaceholdersfortheparochial, slightlyun-BritishJew.HowdoweperceiveJewswhodon’tgotouniversity,or engageinprofessionaljobs-andthereforefailtomeetthemarkoftheworthy, middle-classJew?

Thesocio-economicprogressionofJews,ageingAnglo-Jewry,andanincreasing identificationwithmiddleclassindicators,coincideswiththeendofaLabourleaningJewry,longbeforeCorbyn’stenure.Obviously,Labour-leaning preferencesareapoorproxyforradicalintentions,butConservativepersuasions areevenworse.Itisapeculiarpuzzle:Jewishdiminishingleft-wingsympathies, whichcannotentirelybeexplainedbytheaforementionedshiftinclass,statusor age.

WecannotletviewsoftheJewishcommunity,asintrinsicallybusiness-likeor hardworking-asclaimedbyLizTrussduringher2022leadershipcampaign-go unchallenged.ThefamiliarmoveofheraldingJewsasemblemsofamodel minorityiscouchedinwhitesupremacy.Unfortunately,andperhapspredictably, theestablishedAnglo-Jewry(theBoardofDeputies,andotherfigures)disagreed, andadoptedaquietiststance.

Thereisnothingnobleaboutghettos,poverty,oroppression.Whatthereis,asbell hookshighlights,isopportunity.Anopportunitytoseetheworldasitis,tohold ontoyouridentity.Aseeingwiththegiftofresistingandchallengingtheinequities ofourownsociety.HowcouldIpossiblyexplainthattomychederclass?

jonathan bromfield ngonyamah

YenteeditorIlanainterviewsAdamEli,anAmericanLGBTQ+activist.HisbookTheNew QueerConsciencewasreleasedinJune2020

Ilana:AcentralideainyourrecentbookTheNew QueerConscienceistheadaptationofthissaying from the Talmud, “all Jewish people are responsible for one another” to queer ends. The bookismarketedassomewhatofaguidebookfor youngadults,sothedidacticnatureofitispartof thatterritory,butIwonderedifyouthoughtatall about how your book contains properties of Jewishstorytellingorinstructionformallyaswell. You have a question and answer section (when peoplesaythis,youcansaythis)tocommunicate lessons from stories of past injustice so that hopefully the future looks like this (feels very Haggadah,forexample!)

Adam:Okay,sofirstofallIjustwanttosaythatI lovethisquestion,Ithinkit'ssointeresting.Maybe subconsciously,IwasconsideringthiswhileIwas writing it, but not nearly as eloquently as you phrasedit.Withinqueerculture,writingandart, there's this idea of ‘always be referencing’, you know? And there's something very queer about thereferencingofselforthereferencingofother queer art within your own. Which I really love, andIdidtrytodosomeofthatinthebook.The title actually comes from when Elie Wiesel died, and Obama released a statement where he said that [Wiesel] was the “conscience of the world”. The title was meant to be sort of an ode to Elie Wiesel. Once you asked me this, like a really brilliant and thoughtful question, which I so appreciateyouasking,Ithoughtmoreaboutit.

And my favourite piece of Jewish storytelling, which, at this point, in some circles, (especially heavily Ashkenazi circles) is almost a cliché, is FiddlerontheRoof.

AndoneofthethingsthatIloveaboutFiddler on the Roof is that there's something for everyone.LiketheBradyBunchandKeeping UpwiththeKardashians,therearedifferent characters at different ages, and different storylinesthatyoucanfollow.Likeinthesong Tradition-whenthesons,andthedaughters, themothersandthefatherseachhavealittle section. There is love, politics, religion and more.Funforthewholefamily!

My book has been criticised for not being specificenoughbutmyexpressgoalwiththe bookwastobeascrystalclearaspossible.I wantedtotakewhatIthinkarenuancedideas andmakethemasclearandaccessibletoas many people as possible, especially young peopleandpeoplewithoutmuchqueerframe of reference. Something that I love about FiddlerontheRoof is that I think it's super accessible Fiddler on the Roof tells a really, reallydarkstoryinawaythatmanypeople canaccess.ItishowIlearnedthestoryofmy familywhenIwasreallylittle.

While thinking about your question I also thoughtaboutstoriesIwastoldasachildabout TheWiseMenofHelm.It'ssortoflikeYiddishfolk tales,orfables.AndtheideawithHelmisthat they'recalledthe‘wisemanofHelm’,butthey're allactuallyreally,reallysilly.Andtheycomeup withthe‘silliestideas’,youknow?.Buttheyare storieswithmorals.Throughoutdifferentparts ofTheNewQueerConscienceIuseanecdotesto explain ideals. Which I think is the basic structureoffolktalesandfolklore.

Ilana: That’s a beautiful answer, thank you! Whenyouweretalkingatthebeginningabout citational practice being important within queerness,Ithinktheconnectionmaybewith that and with Judaism is this sense of citing peoplesothattheirstoriescanliveonevenif they didn't get to have the future that they deserved?Youknow,wetellthestoriesofall these people so that they live on in our memories.

Adam:I'mobsessedwiththat.Wouldyoukeep yourphrasingofthatintheeditbecauseIthink it'ssosmart.It'sbecause,bycreditingthem,it'sa wayofsayingthatwewouldn'tbeherewithout them.Andthattheonlywaywe'reabletomake thisartormakethisfilmorwritethisbookis becauseofthosewhocamebeforeus.Andthat issoinherentlyqueerandJewish.

Ilana:Completely.Mymomalwayssaid,“they cantakeeverythingawayfromyou,exceptfor your education” which I think is kind of a common Jewish family saying. To agree with yourpoint,Idothinkculturalmemoryisathing thatJewishandqueerpeopleconsciouslybuild andbuildupon.Andyoudothisinthebook, where you figure out how to be queer from otherqueerpeopleandfromotherqueertexts, andyousortofcollectthesetextsandmoments tobuildthiscorpusofknowledge.

AdamEliatthegaysforintersexrightsprotest

Adam:Itotallyagree.Andinthebook,thereis this moment where I talk about how my grandmotherwouldalwaysbelike,“Oh,that personisJewish.”Shehadthisbigbookof ‘greatJewishwomeninsports.’Theotherday, I realised that anytime anyone talks about anyone, whether they were Jewish or a Jewishally,mygrandmotherwouldinterrupt andexplainthattheywereJewish,orthat they were an ally And something that I realisedIdonowisthatIdothatwithpeople aboutwhetherthey'reatransallyornot,or whetherthey'dbeenoutwardlysupportiveof trans people, or outwardly transphobic. Whichisexactlywhatmygrandmotherused todo,youknow?

Adam: I had another question for you –before the interview you said something aboutthebookbeingsimilartoaHaggadah. AndIlovetheHaggadah,andIlovePassover. It'smyfavouriteholidayafterpride.Canyou explainwhatyoumeant?

IIlana: Yeah! I was thinking about how we choose to explain things to children, which mademethinkofthefourchildren.WhatI wasthinkingofwassimilartowhatyouwere talking about with The Wise Men of Helm wherethefigureofthechild,especiallythe simplechildofthe‘fourchildrenoftheSeder’, canbeatooltocommunicatedifficultlessons. Askingsimplequestionsisimportantbecause sometimessimplequestionsleadyoutothe mostcomplicatedanswers,ortofundamental truthsthatnobodyhasthoughttoquestion. Andthat'swhytheperspectivesofchildren aresoimportant.Itfeltyouwerehonouring thatessence...IalsothoughtoftheHaggadah becauseofthequestion-and-answersectionof yourbookwhichissimilartotheHaggadahas well, especially with the sense of the importanceofusingstoriesfromthepastto teach us how to be better in the future. Obviously,therearemanyexamplesofthis, butit’sjustoneitmademethinkof.

Adam:Thatissocool.Idefinitelydidnotthink aboutthatwhileIwaswritingit.ButIlove thatperspective.DefinitelysoJewishtoask questions.Similarly,IhopedIwouldaddress thingsondifferentlevelsinthebook.Sohere's the answer for someone who is queer and knowsexactlywhat'swhat,youknow?But you know you explain things differently to straightpeople.Soit'ssortoflikeexplaining thingsdifferentlytothethefourchildren,and meeting people at different levels and accommodatingdifferentpersonalities.AndI hopethatcamethroughinthebook.Meeting peoplewheretheyareat.

Ilana:Yeah.Idothinkthatcomesacross!How doesbeingJewishchangeyourexperienceof queerness?Orviceversa?

Adam:Itrytowriteaboutitinthebook!I think that queer people and Jewish people havealotincommon.AndIthinkthatIhada really hard time becoming proud of my Jewishness,butitwasmucheasierformeto become proud of my queerness. It was realisingthattherearesomanysimilaritiesis oneofthethingsthathelpedme.

Ilana: I think that’s really beautiful, and somethingthatresonateswithmealot.You areaneditorofazineaboutglobalgender equality(oftendiscussingqueernessaswell) at Gucci as part of their campagin called Chime for Change. Could you speak about your zine and the role that you see zines playinginJewishandqueerresistance?How hasyourtimemakingzinesaffectedyouand what have you learned from zine making aboutactivismandidentity?

Adam:Yeah!I'msointerestedinthisquestion, andIthinkit'ssocoolandnuanced.Thank you for all of the time you put into these questions. Ilovezinesandindependentpublishforalot ofreasons.Ithinkaboutitthisway:people hadsomethingtosay,andthepeoplethat were doing the printing at the time were eithernotinterestedinprintingitoractively tried to suppress it. So folks had no other choicebuttoselfpublishit.Ortherewere niche interests that only very few people were interested in Historically queer and Jewishpeoplefacedthisissuealot!Sothey used independent publishing! And when thinkingaboutthis,thefirstpersonthatcame tomindwasWillemArondeus.Doyouknow whothatis?

Ilana:No!

Adam:SoWillemArondeuswasaqueerDutch artistwhoresistedtheNazisinWW2.Hewas notJewish.Andhegotexecutedfortryingto helpDutchJews.He’sbestknownforwhathe allegedly said right before he died: ‘let it be known that the homosexuals were not cowards.’

So he was an artist, and he had an underground newspaper called Brandarisbrief which joined another underground publication called De Vrije Kunstenaar and they were both artistic and activist in nature. I guess that's what they would now call a zine or an independently published newspaper. And so he distributed this newspaper around Amsterdam to leftist artistsabouthowartistswerereactingtothe Nazisinvading.Thatwasonething,butthen hetookitevenastepfurtherbecausehewas anartistandhehadallofthisexperiencewith paper and ink so he started forging documents for Jewish people. So that way Jewishpeoplecouldleavebecauseheliterally hadprintingpressesandtherightinkandthe knowledge and they would create fake documents.Butitbecameaproblembecause in the Municipal Office for Population Registration, they kept taking the fake documents and then checking them against registrationlists,andobviouslytheywouldn't be there because they're fake. And so what Arondeus and members of the resistance movement did was that they bombed the office. This was partially successful because despite Arondeus and the resistance being laterdiscoveredandkilled,intheattackthey destroyed 800,000 identity cards. This was amazing and I think about how many lives that were saved! They were also able to get 600 blank official ones, which means they couldwriteinwhatevertheywanted.

findadamelioninstagram:@adameli

Andtheywereabletoget50,000guilders(the currency). All of this was done because of the independentpress,youknow,becausehehadall this knowledge from doing independent publishing.

Ilana:That'sanamazingstory!

Adam:Right?Anditwasimpactfulandeffective. It's just so smart. So I think that information is power. And zines and the written word are an amazingwayofgettingthatinformationout.And now we have social media to do the same function.

Ilana:Thankyou!Couldyousummarizetheidea of ‘the global queer conscience’ which is the centralthesisofyourbook?

Adam:Theideaofglobalconscienceisthisidea thatqueerpeoplehaveanobligationtoshowup foreachotheracrossracialidentity,gender,and countryinternationallines.Andthisideaisvery, very Jewish. Something that I think that we're seeing right now is a conversation about the terrible abuse that's taking place in Hasidic schoolsinNewYork.Therehasbeenpushbackon those talks but I feel strongly that it is not antisemitic for Jews to talk about Jewish abuse takingplace.Infact,it'sshowingupforJewish people.Andthat'swhatwe'reobligatedtodoas farasI'mconcerned.

Ilana:Thankyou That'sareallygooddescription of it Thank you so much for today, it has genuinelybeensoamazing,andhelpful!

Adam SomuchloveIamgratefultobepartofitagain!

The queer jewish body as a site of resistance

Partsofthisarticlewerefirstprintedintheessay‘RebelWithaCause’inNatureisa HumanRight,eds.EllenMiles2022

WhenIwasyoungandinsecure,Isuckedmy stomachinuntilyoucouldseemyribs,andmy mothersaidIlookedlikeaJewoftheHolocaust. NowIamolder,stronger,andstillmyfaithinan otherworldlypowerfeelsdownrightcorporeal: mytrailingfingerscommandmitzvot;oneeye opensawindowtotheSephardicsoul,theother totheAshkenazi;myribsencirclealltheJews whoeverlived,sittinginmyheartcanoodlingthe womenIhavelovedJudaismisanethno-religion, amatrilineallegacythatensuresculturalcandles arelitevenwhenweshutGodoutinthedark.We eatJewishfood;wedrinkJewishwine.Wewash ourJewishhands.WhenwetellourJewish mothersourJewishbodiesarelesbians,weseeka Jewishacceptancefromshewhogaveusthe bloodtomakeuswhoweare

TheJewishbodyisapoweruntoitself.Massacred Jewsliveoninourmemorywithcontortedbodies andthejuttingbonesmymothersawunderathin layerofJewishskin;theJewishbodyindeathis preparedwithdignityandburiedinaday,with duerespecttoourneshama;whenJewsgatherin oneplace,webecomevisibletotheanti-Semitic eye.Andwedogather,withferventregularity. Communalismisattheheartofourreligion.That gatheringofJewishbodiesenmasseisso ritualisticthatitplacesusinuniquealignment withsocialresistancetheory,withthetraditional methodsofupheavalthathavetransformed inequitiesrepeatedlyandeffectivelyover centuries.

Theoriesofresistanceandsocialchangeare groundedincollectivecomradeshipItis community-buildingthatenablesustosupport eachotherinachievingpoliticalandsocialgoals. Itrecognisesthedifferentstrugglesthat marginalizedandvulnerablegroupsexperience, sowecanbuildastronger,moreunified,kinder movementforthefuture

Themostnecessarycomponentofallactivism isformingcommunity;communitybringswith itconnection,mutualsupport,andsecurity,as wellasunderstandingandrespectforone anotherinacomfortable,localizedspace.Toa Jew,itallsoundsveryfamiliarToaYente, lookingtoformacommunityofYentes–andto aqueerJew,lookingforsanctityandchosen family,itisadailyfamiliarity,anecessary reality.Itistangible.

Thebodyisthemostpowerfulthingofall.To resist,weputmanybodiesinoneplace, buildingunstoppablemovementsforsocial justice.TobeculturallyJewish,weputmany bodiesinoneplacetorevive,constantly,faith inourselvesandincommunityHappySukkot; herecomesRoshHashanah.Shareahoneyed apple.Toloveaswedo,toliveaswedo,we gatherbodiesinfistfulsandglassfulsandknow thatindoingso,wedonotshatter.Queer peopleproportionallytendtobemissingfrom mainstreammovementsofresistance:in contemporaryenvironmentalismwearea noticeablevoid,oftenestrangedfromnature andtheoceans,wherewehavetobare ourselvesandrelyonshakyfamilialground. ButasJews,wearedeeplyconnectedtothe corporeal.Weunderstandthephysical intimatelyAsqueerJewswefaceaparticular nexusofintimacyandcommunalconnection, leavinguscapableoftheutmostresistance.I carrythehistoryofthepowerofthecollective withme,justbyliving.Inolongersuckmy stomachin.Hereismybody:showmeyours. Hereisresistancewalking.

noga levy rapoport

CW: eatingdisorders

Judith 17th century Roman school

u r

Translation:

Mother: Of course sweetheart, I'll order Mother: When I go into work I'll ask for them to bring some I: Thank you mom M: For you, I'll do everything that's in my power

screenshots from the Yentes who raised us

In conversation with Julia Windegger a curator at the: Jewish Museum Vienna

Takenfromthewebsite:https://www.jmw.at/exhibition/love me kosher “Toadifferentdegreethaninotherreligions,loveandsexualitytakeonanessentialroleinJudaism.Thefactthat thebeginningofliferequiresaninterpersonalrelationshipisalreadyproclaimedintheTorah:“GodblessedAdam andEveandsaidtothem:‘Befruitfulandmultiplyandfilltheearth.’”Sexuality,therefore,isanaturalpartoflife.It isconsideredadutyforbothpartnerstofeelhappinesstherebyJewishscripturesseeafulfilledsexlifeasa prerequisiteforahappymarriage

Startingfromtheparadisiacalstateafterthecreationoftheworld,throughthecontemplationofloveandsexuality intheTanakh,theroleoftheshadchan(matchmaker),tothesociologistandsextherapistRuthWestheimer,the exhibitiondealswiththediscussionsinmodernJudaismonpartnershipandLGBTIQissues.LoveMeKosherpresents insightsintoasensualandblissfulworldusingexcitingobjectsfromthecollectionsoftheJewishMuseumVienna andloansfromvariousnationalandinternationalinstitutions”-LovemeKosher

LilyandIlana,hereafter'YenteZine',interviewedcuratorsofthemuseum'sexhibitiononsexinJudaism

YenteZine:Thankyouforagreeingtospeak withus!LilyandIhadthepleasureofgoingto the exhibition, and as we mentioned, we absolutelyadoredit.Butforourreaderswho haven’t had the pleasure of going, in your words,couldyousumuptheexhibitionandits aims?

Julia Windegger: We wanted to talk about sexuality in Judaism. And through our exhibition,wewantedtoshowthatthereareso many different kinds of movements inside Judaism and that there's not one answer to specificquestions.So,wewantedtoshowthat sexualityinJudaismissomethingpositive.And ifyouaregay,yougotoaJewishcommunity where the Rabbi is more open minded. Especiallybecausewearethreewomenwho createdtheexhibition,weareawarethat,as feminists,therearepartsofJudaismwhichwe are critical of, for example the Niddah. However,wehavetothinkaboutJudaismasa very,veryoldreligionandtherearemultiple waysofviewingit

YenteZine:Yeah,thatreallydidcomeacross,itwasamazingseeingsucharange!Welovedthechronologyof theexhibition;startingverymuchwithintheseveryoldtextsandthenattheenditwasverymodernshowing whatisactuallyhappeningtodayinVienna.Whatinspiredyoutocuratethisexhibition?Whyrightnow?

JuliaWindegger:Theideacamefromourformer director,DanielleSpera Whenshewasajournalist andworkingintheUnitedStates,shemetDr.Ruth Westheimer.Dr.Ruthalwayssaid,thereasonIcan speaksoopenlyaboutsexisbecauseinJudaism,it's notataboolikeinChristianity.

YenteZine:Ithinktheideaofbeingabletotalk franklybecauseofJudaismresonates.There’salsoa politicaltimelinesstoit,especiallynowintheUnited States, where you can see many Jewish groups protestingagainsttheoverturningofRoev.Wade. We wanted to know whether you could talk us throughtheprocessofcuratingtheexhibition,and howyoudecidedwhattoincludeandwhatnotto include?

JuliaWindegger:Ifocusedonthereligiouspart, sowhenyouentertheexhibition,youseethe lawsaboutfamilypurityandbiblicallove, couples,andlovestoriesThiswasmypart becauseIstudiedJudaismandsoIwastheexpert onthis.And,yeah,itwasaprocessandwhile curating,wehadalotofdiscussionsaround definitions;howdoyoudefine"love"and "sexuality?"[Ontheonehand]gettingmarried andbeingacoupletogether butthereareother formsofpartnership-youdon'thavetobe marriedoryoudon'tevenhavetobeinloveto havesex.Westartedwiththe“paradise”[ofEden] andendedwithamuchmorewiderangeof sexuality.I'mverythankfultoChanaBoteach, whogaveusthesamplesfromtheSexShopIt wasamazingtogetintouchwithherAndalso,I followedtheYouTubechannelofherfatherand thedefinitionof‘koshersex’thatsexshouldonly bewithinacouplebutalsothatwhatdoyoudo inyourownbedroomisnotsoimportant.What isimportantisconsent,respect,andthatyou're 100%withyourpartner;ifyoufantasiseabout havingsexwithanotherwoman,whileyou're havingsexwithyourwoman,theenergydoes notflow.Themostimportantthingistostaywith herandtostayconnected.

YenteZine:Yeah,itwassocoolthatmarriagewasn'tthecentreoftheexhibitionbecauseI'vebeento otherJewishmuseumswherethefamilysectionfeelsextremelyfocusedaroundmarriage.Butthat definitelydidn'tcomeacrossastheonlypartofloveinJudaism.Wejustwantedtoaskyouaboutwhoyou imaginedyouraudiencetobewhenyouwerecuratingtheexhibition?Somethingsintheexhibitionhave verydetaileddefinitions,andothersIthinkassumelotsoffamiliaritywithJudaism.

JuliaWindegger:Whenwelookatourstatistics,mostpeoplevisitingourmuseumareViennesepeopleor fromtherestofAustria,andnotJewish,wealsohavelotsofyoungpeoplecomingin.

YenteZine:Yeah,Ithinkitdoesareallygoodjobofbeingaccessibletoeveryone.AndIthinkyouknow, whenyoudefinesomethingthatmaybesomeonewhoisJewishwouldknow,itrunstheriskofsending thesignalthatthisisn'tforme,However,Idon'tthinkitdoesthat.Doyouhaveafavouritepieceora favouritesectionintheexhibitionthatyoucouldtalktousabout?

JuliaWindegger:ProbablytheonesIcurated!Istartedreadingthesebiblicallovestoriesandinso many,thewoman’ssexualitywassomethingwhichwascontrolledbyherhusbandorfather,for examplewithDavidandBathsheba.Ifeltreallylostandoverwhelmedwiththispartofthehistorical narratives.AndthenwehadthismeetingwithRuthWestheimer.Wemetheronlineviazoomcall.She

wasamazing She'snow94yearsold Andshealwaystoldme:"Julia,don't evermarryasailorbecauseasailor only can only have sex with you everysixmonths.Sodon'tmarrya sailorJulia,don'tmarryasailor."She saidthingslike:"you'refromVienna and in Vienna there was this Mr Freud?Yeah, Mr. Freud, he should havecometomeandmetmeandI wouldhavetaughthimthatthereis no difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasm." And there was another thing I loved I found Dr Ruth's‘GameofGoodSexfromthe 1980s’ via eBay. And then we met withChanaandweheardabouther wonderfulKoshersexshop.Iwould say that these are examples of reading and getting into the topic, and then meeting such exceptional womenwhofulfilthepicture.Atfirst, I was frustrated thinking: "Oh my God, the whole Torah is just about men." But then I meet Westheimer andChanawhoexplainedthatit'snot soblackandwhite

Yentezine:Ithinkthat'sbeenoneoftheamazingpartsofcuratingourzineaswell,tomakeacalloutand havealltheseamazingpeoplecometous.Welovetohearalloftheseincrediblewaysthatpeoplehave interpretedorfinddifferentwaysofexperiencingJudaism.Throughthisweareabletocreateasenseof community.Wewerewonderingifyou'vereceivedanybacklash,especiallybecauseofwhatyou'vesaidabout thecommunityinViennabeingmaybemoreconservative?

JuliaWindegger:Nope,nothingWeinterviewedonewomanShe'sthepersonwhopreparesthebridebefore marriageandgivesthemadviceespeciallyforOrthodoxwomen.Andweshowedherthepictures[ofqueer men]byBenjaminandweaskedherwhatshethought,asamemberoftheconservativecommunity.Andshe saiditwouldbeokayifwedidn'tputitattheentrance,sothatherkidswouldn'tseeitrightatthestartofthe exhibition.AndwehavealsodoneinterviewswithOrthodoxRabbisandtheybothopenlytalkedabout homosexuality.TheyacknowledgethatitisforbiddeninJudaism,buttheysaidtheystillrespectpeople.They saidit'slikeeatingshrimps Youshouldn'teatshrimps Butifyoudoit'sstillyourownchoice AndIhaveto quoteWertheimerwhosaid"respectisnotdebatable"

YenteZine:It'sgreatthatit'sbeensoacceptedbydifferentsectsofthecommunity.Wehaveonelastquestion: ourthemeforthiseditionisresistance.WhatdoesthisexhibitionsayaboutresistanceinJudaism?

JuliaWindegger:Onthesubjectofresistance,itoccurstomethat,especiallysincethe1970s,peoplehavetried tointerprettheHebrewBibleinafeministwayThebestexampleisthestoryofLilith,Adam'sfirstwifeThis hasbeendiscussedagaininrecentdecadesandLilithhasbeendeclaredthefirstfeminist.

YenteZine:Yes,thatdefinitelycamethroughintheexhibition.Thishasbeenamazing.Thankyousomuchfor meetingwithus.Wereallyappreciateit.

WORDSEARCH

seduction

Tattoos

TheseflashdesignsreflecttheintersectionofmyQueerandJewish identities.Theonewiththemostpersonalsignificanceisthelamb. Thisdesignwasinspiredbyanillustrationonthebackcoverofthe RabbiNathanGoldbergHaggadah-theeditionmyfamilyuses duringPassovereachyear. Aversiontotattoosdoesstillexist withinJewishcommunities.When visitingmyJewishgrandfather,who wasborninAmara,Iraq,Imakesureto covermytattoosoutofrespect forhisviewsonthesubject.However, whilsttattoostendtobeprohibitedby OrthodoxreadingsoftheTorah,which citeLeviticus19:28,therearenoofficial sanctionsforexclusion-Jewishpeople withtattooscanstillbeburiedwithin Jewishgraveyards;AmyWinehouseis afamousexample

Creative responses with Yael Roberts

body acceptance resisatnce

OnaThursdayeveninginBrooklyn,thetree-linedstreetsoutsidemywindowarehighlightedbygolden hour’sglow,andI’mstandinghere,glaringatmyselfinthebathroommirror.I’mgettingreadyforadate withawomanfromHinge,butImightaswellcancel.Myeyesfixateonthecenterofmyface,wherea brightredlumphastakenresidenceonthetipofmynose.Iturnfromsidetoside,mystomachsinking--the pimpleemphasizestheJewishnoseI’malreadyself-consciousabout.

“Itlooksfine!”myroommateassuresme,asshenoticesmestaringforaridiculousamountoftime. “Honestly.Icanbarelyseeit!”.Regardlessofwhetherherwordsaretrue,Ican’tseemtotakethemin.Iam onlyabletoseethepimplewhichilluminatestheacneonmychinandthewrinkleonmyforehead,andallI canthinkis:ugly.

No--youarebeautiful.Everybodyisbeautiful,Ireplytomymeanmirror-self,regurgitatingaphraseI heardconstantlyinbodypositivespaces

WhenIfirstencounteredtheconceptofbodypositivity,Iwastwentyyearsold(doingpush-upsonmy dormroomfloor),andinthethickofadisorderedrelationshipwithfoodandanexerciseaddictionThe conceptsofintuitiveeating,healthateverysize,andjoyfulmovementabsolutelyturnedmylifearoundI becamepassionateaboutfatliberationandsystemicissuesofaccess,asIsimultaneouslybegantoaccept andlovemyownbodyAsweightlossanddietadscontinuedtopermeatemysocialmedia,religiously,I reportedeachoneasharmfulorspamIthoughtIhadhackeddietculture,optedoutofourappearanceobsessedculture.

Myalgorithmmusthavegottenthehint.Overtime,withoutmeevenrealizing,thesebecamereplacedwith skincareadvertisements:everythingfromseriousprescriptionmedicationtotrendy“ageless”serumsand “must-have”moisturizers.Iimaginemycapitalisticalgorithmmutteringtoitself:itlookslikeshehas acceptedherbodyasitis,damnit!Wemustfindanotherthingtomakeherhateaboutherself(andquick)so shewillbuymoreproducts.AsIgrewtoacceptmystomachandbodyfat,Ilearnedtherewereotherparts ofmethatcouldbedeemedasugly,thatneededtobefixed.Itfeltlike“achieving”beautywasalwaysjust outofreach,asthestandardscontinuedtomutate.AndasI’vegottenolder,it’sbecomeapparenthow inextricablylinkedoursocietalconceptionofbeautyistoyouth,asifbeautyisatestwe’llallinevitablyfail asweage. Inthemirrortonight,thewords“youarebeautiful”suddenlyfeeltriteandpowerless.Thisleadsmetoa

Whatevenisugliness?Ibegantowonder,butIcouldnotthinkofasufficientanswertothequestion.Then,I foundthatmultipleincredibleactivists(especiallydisabilityactivists)advocatingformarginalizedgroups havepushedanewframework,anembraceofwhatsocietydeemsas“ugly”:awholehearteddeparture fromtherelentlesspursuitofbeauty.

IwasshockedtolearnthatthistrainofthoughtgoesbackwayfurtherthanIcouldhaverealized.An embraceoftheuglyispresentinourownJewishtradition,putforthradically,bynoneotherthanthe RabbisoftheTalmud.

IntheTalmudictractateTa’anit(7a-b),theRomanEmperor’sDaughterrudelyaskshowRabbiYehoshua BHananiacontains“magnificentwisdominanuglyvessel”TheRabbi,seeminglyunphased,sendsthe Emperor’sDaughteronamission.Hemakesherpourwineingoldandsilvervessels(ratherthanclay vesselsasshenormallywould).Thewinesoursinthegoldandsilvervessels,tastingstrange.This, apparently,provestheRabbi’spoint:magnificentTorahcanbeheldinan“ugly”vessel.

Inthisshockingtext,therabbisrailagainstthepervasiveconceptofphysiognomy,positingthatnotonly isitpossibleforonetobelearnedeveniftheyareugly,butinfact,beinguglyhasapositivecorrelation towardinnerwisdomandlearnedness.

ThisisadirectrebellionagainstGreco-Romanbeautystandards,goingagainstthenormativeidealofthe dominantculture:thatexternalbeautywasessentiallyequaltointernalgoodness;thatthereissomething morallysuperioraboutbeauty.AsMiraBalbergexplainsinherarticle“TheEmperor’sDaughter’sNew Skin”,thisorientationtowardbeautyisaformofquietbutpowerfulresistanceagainstGreco-Roman hegemony,acultureinwhichstereotypesofJewishfeatureswerecastasinferior(theJewishbodywas seenasdeformedandinferiortotheGreco-Romanbody).Therabbisinmanywaysinternalizedthese stereotypes,butinsteadoftryingtoportraythemas“beautiful”,theyuprootedtheentireconceptof beautyasaninherentgood.Therabbisseemtodiscardbeautyentirely,optingforthevalueofTorahand wisdom,anemphasisoninternalholiness…onemightcallit,formsof“magnificence”. Ican’tstopthinkingofthisstory.ItpopsintomymindasIcontinuetostareinthemirror.Iwanttobelike RabbiYehoshuaB.Hanania,tobeproudofugliness,tovalueTorahandconnectingtoHashem magnificenceaboveall.Tothrowmymiddlefingeruptothenormsandstandardsandskincareroutines. ButifIambeinghonestwithmyself;I’mnotthereyet.

Rewilding Hairiness

Itwasaquiet,barelyevenconscious,resistanceatfirst.Itgrewslowlyoverthe wintermonths,unseenandunaddressedunderfleeceslayeredoverthermals.I assumed,comesummer,itwouldbedepilatedintosmoothconformitybutby thenIhadgrownunexpectedlyfondofthesoftnessbeneathmyarms. Iwaslivingawayfrommyfamilyforthefirsttimeinawind-rattledcaravanby theseaalongthenorthernFrenchcoastduringaharsh,wetandunforgiving Januarywhereshowerswerecold,communalandoftenaschleptoofar.My unthinkingresistancewasbornoutofshiftingpriorities:morepragmaticthan polemic. Astemperaturesbegantoriseandourprotectivelayerspeeledaway,Ifound myselfnoticingSam.Samwasinteresting.Shewasafewyearsolderandas effortlesslycoolasshewassexy.Samtoldmeshejustletherhairinessbe,andnot onlywhenlivinginacoldcaravan,herbodyhiddenundercopiouslayers. Istartedtowonderwhatconformingtotheunforgivingobsessionwith hairlessnesscouldtellmeaboutmyself.HadIbeentoowillingtocomplyandfit in?DidIjustwanttobemorelikeMeg,older,wiserandmorecomfortableinmy ownskin?DidIwanttosleepwithher?Howtoreliablyascertain? Despitebeinginitiallynervousofexposingmyunderarmsinpublic,Iswiftly discovereditwasanexcellentwaytoweedoutthe'meshugenersontheroad'my Bubbawasforeverwarningmeabout.Whywouldn'tImakeuseofanudnik filter? Thissummer,beforegoingtoworkinahotandhumidcountryfortwomonths,I removedmyunderarmhairforthefirsttimeinnearlythreeyears.Imissedit. Thathairiness,counter-culturally,makesmefeelmorewomanly-notjustsexier, butstronger,lesscompliant,abitmoreme.

I'dliketosaythatIamjustas comfortablewithmyleghaira bushbutthatwouldn'tbetrue yet.AlthoughIlikemybushin SeventiesglorywhenI'mnake alsoenjoybikinisandwishthe weren’tquitesoatodds.Orma theyaren’t,butIcan'tseeitjus Whycan’tweallstopwiththe oppressive,time-consuming depilationonceandforall?Th thebookswecouldread?The babkaswecouldlearntomake peoplewecouldmeet,dance,s andlaughwith.

Butwearewhereweare.And armpithairisgrowingagain.I reminderthatIdon'thavetob guidedbythejudgementofth whobelievethatwomen'sbod oughttolooklikethoseofchild , butbehavelikethoseonPornHub.

IpaintedthisportraitafterreturninghomefromthecaravaninnorthernFrance when,aged19,Iwasbeginningthelong,slowprocessoflearningtoacceptmaybeevenlove-myselfinallmyimperfect,uneven,messy,hairiness.Thatmost sticky,trickypartofbeinghuman.

Overtheyearsmorefriendshavebegunembracingtheirhairiness.Shiftingsome judgement,makingafewripples.JustlikeSam.Awomanwithahuge,openheart andalaughthatmetmine,whotaughtmethatsomeofthemostsignificant, internalshiftscanstartfromsmallactsofquietresistance.

Rosa Wilson-Goldberg

Rest

CW:eatingdisorders

Thispieceexpresseswhatis,forme,arebelliousact–rest.

Rosalyn Frances

Inthemidstofanorexia,whichIthinkofasalongterm,abusiverelationship,thoughtsoffoodand exercise,numbersanddistanceareunrelenting.Restthatisrefreshing,enjoyableandwelcome feelsunreachable.

MyeatingdisorderrequiresthatIamconstantlybusy,active,“productive”-exhaustionand burnoutareactivelywelcomedbythevoiceoftheillness.Instarkcounterpoint,relaxationasksof usthatwebecomfortablewithourselvesnotproducing,butjustbeing;tobepresentwith ourselves,andnottolookforchange.Sleep,sittingquietly,orevenahalf-houronatrainjourney, watchingthecountrysidechange-allofthesethingschallengetheeatingdisorder.

Yet,inbothrecoveryandinJudaism,arhythmofrestandeffortismandated;evenGodisnot exemptfromthisbalance.

“AndontheseventhdayGodfinishedTheirworkwhichTheyhadmadeandTheyrested.”

“Foreverythingthereisaseason.”

And in fact, he says, a more beautiful vessel may tarnish what’s inside.

“But are there not some who are beautiful and learned?” the Emperor’s daughter retorts. “If they were ugly, they would be more learned,” the Rabbi Yehoshua Ben Hanania replies, iconically.

Das Buch Judith Lovis Corinth, 1910

Thisimageisoneoftwenty-twocolouredlithographs,producedbyLovisCorinth,that illustratetheBookofJudith.HeusesLuther'stranslation,andindoingsoimplicitlybringsto theforefrontakeyinterpretationofthetext:thedangeroffemaleempowerment.Though Judithiscelebratedasasymboloffemaleheroism,thesensuoususeofcolourheightensthe narrative'saffectivepower,theconfusedfigurescreatingasenseofprecariousness.Judith enjoyssuccess,buttherearetheundertonesofdangerandinstabilitythroughout;Corinth createsavergeuponwhichafemaleheroandafemininedestructiveforcearebalanced.

maid womanhood

Book of Naftala

ThereinBethulia,thattownwar-torn AsunderbyAssyrianbattle-horn, WhereChiefCaptainHoloferneslaidwaste Andwecriedformothercountrydefaced! Herfeedingfountainsnowsatdesert-dry, Buttearsremainedforherpeopletocry; Thelossofthecityonherfort-crownedhill Hadbrokenherpeople’sfaint-heartedwills; Nowourdearhopesandjoysarelongspent; Once-goldwheatfieldsrazed,theflocksandherdswent Runningtohighlandsandbanksofthesea

Butinonewoman’sheartfaithdidnotflee: Judith,daughterofMerari;herline StemmedfromIsraelandJoseph’struevine, AndherhusbandManassehlongsincepassed Fromyesteryear’ssunstrokeatbarleyharvest Asheoversawthesheave-binderswork; Sohissouldescendedintothemurk, AndJudithbecameawidowmourning; Forherlovehaddiedwithoutmuchwarning, Butsorrow’dnotovertakenherheart Traditionsdidsoothewhatlovediddepart, Dourthreadsnowclothedherbodyandhouse, Andshefastedforthedeathofherspouse, ExceptforwhentheShabbatQueencame Lightingcandleswithhershimmeringflames, AndwhenHeavenbirthednewmoonsandfeastdays, ButJudithmournedmorehercountrymenslain. BabylonianNebuchadnezzar WishedtobeworshippedasgodlikeCaesar, Mirroringmightyhunter-kingNimrod; HethreatenedchildrenofIsrael’sGod, AndJudithfearedGodgreatlytoallow Toterminatethistyrantsheavowed, AndsentmetoBethuliah’selders, LedUzziah,Chabris,Charmis,toher; Nowtheygreetedherrich,gracefulbeauty, Andshethenspaketomovethemtoduty: “Hearmenow,Bethulia’sastraysons; Goodpeople,letthisendwhereitbegun, WhenyouthoughtyourselfgreaterthanGod’splan, Andforgotyourplaceasamereman; Now,letuswaitforGod’sdeliverance, Andremembersuchthingsarenotlefttochance.”

Sheaskedherbodybathed,anointednow

Withpreciousointmentsandbeauteous braids, Allgarmentsofgladnessuponherbrow, Toalluretheeyesofallmenintown, Withjustaglanceathergazesilkybrown Andme,Icarriedwineandrichoils, Agrainbagandluxuriousspoils. WenowtravelledtoHolofernes’camp, Wherenightmareswhinniedandstallions tramped, Wherewedeceivedhisguardsfor audience; Thecaptainlookeduponherwith vehemence

Whensheenteredandspaketohisliking, Feigningdeferencetothecaptain’sking: “Takemeandmymaidasyournew servants, Andourpiouspalmswillprayfervent InthevalleyandrevealHebrewsins, Thenyourarmywilltreadthetrenches andwin, Drivingthemawayasshepherdless sheep, Thenyou’llwadeinwineastheythen sleep!”

Herwordspleased;henowJudithdesired, Thismistress’seyesseemedLovebrand new-fired, Andrequestedherpresenceatbanquet. Idrestherfinelyoncemore,andshe went Withmebesidehertoinstillhisheart Withherbeautyandwordscraftedlike art,

AndIlayskinsforhertolieupon; Heindulgedherlikepilgrimsthithergone, Hedrankdramsofdispatchesandfeasted Herformulatedpoesyuntil Judithknew‘twastimeforhisbloodtospill SoIshutclosethetentandreadiedsword, Handingheritshandle,weprayedtotheLord, Withourhandsexaltation-bringing, Shewithdrewsteelfromsheathe,metalsinging, Sheswungtwicethebladeagainsthisthickneck, Andhisheaddetached,spewinggreatblood-specks, Rustedstreams,ichorfromfalsegod’scaptain, Andquicklyinthatgrain-sackIwraptitin, Fleeingtheirwretchedlandtowardsours:

TheMotherCityinherdyinghours, Andsheheldhisbloodiedheadhighabove; Citizenscheeredforanewstorywove, ForLibertynowwashedthecityclean, Gath’ringrichharvestfromFreedom’sgleanings

Blood arena

welivedandwediedinvilnia,onthejewishstreet,withthedustywhite wallsandroughcobblestones,wheretherebbemarriedusin thelittleshulonthecorner,andthebutcherwouldyellatthekidsforstealing hisknives,andbubbewouldbringusherbsfromhergardenifweweresick, andthebarberandthetailorweresecretlyinlove,andwedidn’thavemuch, butweprovidedforourselveswellenough,andwhenwedied,we’dunveilat thelittlecemeteryonthehill,thejewishcemetery,wherewe’dsaykaddish overthebarber,whowasburiednexttothetailor,andsinkstonesintothe earth,andwatertheboneswithourtears. butthewarscame,andtheytoreupthestones,andtrampledourbonesdeepdown, withhardboots,andoneday,theydecidedtobuildagrandcomplex,thevilniuspalace ofconcertsandsports,onthegroundwhereourtearshadfallen. whattheydidn’tknowwasthattheycouldn’tgetridofus. andthatwhentheybuiltthearena, largegraycementblockswouldcomecrashing downonworkers,thatthepipeswouldburstandspillsewage,thatthegameswould dragonorendindisappointment,thattheseatswouldpinch,thatnoonewouldagree tokeepwatchatnightbecausethevoices,theysaid,thevoiceswoulddriveyouto destruction,thattherewouldbefights,andfallsfromthebleachers,andblood,and vomit,andlostchildren,andthatonlyafewdecadeslater,it’dbeboardedup,andno onewouldknowwhy,butit’scursed,they’dsay,don’tgoupthathill,andallwhohad enteredthatplace,andeatenthestalenutsanddrankthewarm,flatbeer, wouldgo homeandliein theirbedsandfeelacolditchatthebacksoftheirskulls,andthatoneday,faroff,a strange rumblewillcomeupfromtheearth,likethevoicesofhundredsofpeoplescreaming, andthat thebuildingwillcrumbleandfallintotheriverbelow,butourbonesandourtearsare steepedin thesoilofvilnia,wherewelivedanddied.

Raye

Irememberthefirstbite-always disgusting.

Someone’smother’squicherecipe Goneabitwrong. Thedisappointmentofwaiting,thenrushing, Andbeingsorryforit IrememberYomKippuring1/365days.

Irememberrealising Idoitallthetimenow, Andthatitisnotsoholy Tobesosick. Youhavetakensomethingfrommethat IdidnotknowIloved. YouhavetakensomethingIdidn’tlove, Notreally, ButsomethingthatIcouldhaveloved, Thatcouldhaveremainedmine, Novel,aone-off. Irritatingandappreciablyflawed Butmine. Youhavetakensomethingthatwas mine.

Thisyear, IamnotallowedtoYomKippur.

Judith and the head of Holofernes Gustav Klimt, 1901

medium:oiloncanvas dimensions:84x42cm

ThefirstoftwodepictionsofJudithby Klimt,thisportrayaldeviatesfromthat whichdominatedarthistorybeforehim. Thenarrativeisrenderedsecondarytothe pictorialrenderingofJudith.Sheiscentral, notherviolentactions.Withouther bloodiedsword,Judith'sportrayalasa femmefataleisdisassociatedfrom murder,hersensualityinsteademphasised. Herlipsparted,herexpressionis somewherebetweenrebelliousand seductive;thisJudithrepresentslessthe triumphofherpeoplethanthetriumphof femininesexuality

IttookmeawhiletofigureouthowIfelt aboutthispainting.Isupposetherearetwo waysIapproachthis,whichhappentobe inconflictwithoneanother;asa (triumphant)representationoffemale sexuality,andastrivialisationoffemale violenceanddefiance.Itcanbeboth,of course,andthat'swhyIthinkJudithI remainsasymbolicallyambiguous painting.Klimtdeviatesfrompious,chaste widowtofemmefatale,thematically centeringthesexualityofJudith.

mourning

summary:Judithfromfromthemaidsperspective

Asidekick'stale:howdidIendupcarryingahead?

SoIhadbeenworkingforJudithandherhusband(Manasseh)eversinceIcanrememberI spenteverydayinBethuliatakingcareofthemandcompletingwhatevertaskstheywishedof me.

Threeyearsago,ManassehtragicallydiedfromheatduringthebarleyharvestandsoIhadto stepupandtakeevenbettercareofthebelovedandmourningJudith,Ihelpedhertomakea tentontopofherhouse,Idressedherinwidow'sclothingandhelpedherasshefasted ButthentheevilHolofernes(cancelled)declaredwaronBethuliaandbesiegedourcitymeaning ourpeoplebegantodieofstarvation.However,Uzziahandthechiefofthecityannouncedthat unlessGodhelpedthem,theywouldhavetogiveintoHolofernesandbecomehisservants:“for itisbetterforustobemadeaspoilforthemthantodieofthirst”Butthegirlboss,quiteliterally forme,JudithheardthisdefeatismandwasnotgoingtobepassiveFollowingherorders,I gatheredallthechiefsandshetoldthemtostopbeingwimps:

"Listentome,andIwilldosomethingwhichwillberememberedthroughoutall generationsamongthechildrenofournation.”

However,beingthemysteriouswomanthatsheis,Judithjustsaid:“watchthisnightatthegate, andIwillgoforthwithmywomanservant”(yeah,that’sme)

So,asIwaitedoutside,Judithpreparedforbattle:sheputashonherface,shefinallytookoffher sackcloth,sheprayedtoGodforprotection,shewashedherself,shebraidedherhairandshe accessorisedbyputtingherheaddress,sandalsbraceletsandjewelleryon(AKAsheglammed upforalluringpurposes).Judiththengavemethisbagfilledwith:oil,grains,figs,bread(the essentials)andwewalkedthroughthegatesofBethulia.

Wewalkeddownthemountain,passedthevalleyandwereapproachedbytheAssyrians.Judith toldthemthatshewasaHebrewandneededtotalktoHolofernes.Wewereaccompaniedbya hundredmen(afewtoomanyformyliking)toHolofernesThemensaid“whocoulddespise thispeople,whohavesuchwomenamongthem”(word.)I’mkindofleftoutofthenextpart ofthestorybutI’mguessingIwaschillingwiththeenemybrethrenandmakingJudithfoodas shespokeandbanquetedwiththenemesis.ThenatonepointIputsoftskinsonthegroundfor hertositandeatonandgavethemfood.JudithgaveHolofernescheesewhichmadehimwant morewineandeventuallyHolofernesgotwastedandthat’swhensheorderedmetostand outsidethebedroomasshe‘didherdailyprayers’...

OnethingledtoanotherinthetentandsuddenlyJudithhadtakenHolofernes'broadsword, grabbedhishairandstabbedhimwithhisknifetwice.Onherwayout,shegaveme Holofernes’headandIputitinmymeatbag(casually).Wereturnedthroughthevalleyto ourlandAllofourpeoplewereecstaticbutbeforetheycelebratedtheypillagedandattacked theenemy.Finally,theyputglandsofolivesonusandallthewomenandouralliesdanced aroundtheplace.

Eventually,Judith"madeherwomanservantfree”andsoIguessthat’showmystoryended: liberationbyJudith’sstrikeofHolofernessword.

YENTE

[yen-teh]

Yente is a word which is derived from a name used in 20th century Yiddish theatre : 1) a gossipy woman, a blabbermouth 2) someone who can't keep a secret 3) a vulgar, ill-mannered man/woman