Three bros were talking over some beers. One said, “I got four boys, one more and d I will have a basketball team!” The second bro said, “Well, I got ten boys, one more and I will have a football team!” The third bro drinks the rest of his beer and said, “I got seventeen girls, one more and I will have a golf course!”
An old woman walked into a dentist’s officce, e, e, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, ‘’I think you have the wrong ong ng room.’’ ‘’You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”
Man returns home and screams out loudly: Honey, pack your things, I’ve won million today! Wife comes to the closet and asks: What kind of clothes to take with me? Summer or winter? Man: All of them and get out of here!
Sex is like racing, the most important rule is not to scrimp on money on the best quality rubber.
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?” The wife replied, “I swear on everything that’s holy that he is your son.” With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.”
Yo’ Mama is so ugly, when she ran away from home, her parents called the dog catcher.
Q: What do you call a 90-year-old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn’t request a last meal or anything special for his last day. As he stands before the firing squad he says, “Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions.” The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead. 54 - TRMI AUGUST 2016
The Th T he in iinmate nm starts, “One billion bottles of beer on the the w wall....”
Hey, I’ve got good news. I got back $8,000 on my income tax. The bad news is I’m going to prison.
Bill B has worked in a pickle factory for sseveral years. One day he confesses to his w wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his ppenis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, “What’s wrong, Bill?” “Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?” His wife gasps, “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired.” “No, Bill -- I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh, um, she got fired, too.”
Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.
Q: Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas? A: Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
A teacher tells the class if they can get the right answer to a question that will be asked every Friday, they can get the Monday off. The first Friday, she asks the class, “How many stars are in the universe?” No one can answer. The next Friday, she asks, “How many grains of sand are on Miami Beach?” Again, no one can answer. Finally, a boy gets a bag full of ping-pong balls painted black. The teacher on the 3rd Friday says, “Now for your question...” and the boys purposely spills the bag of ping pong balls everywhere. The teacher madly asks, “Who’s the comedian with the black balls?” The boys replies, “Bill Cosby! See you Tuesday!”
A lady boards the bus with her baby. The bus driver looks at the baby and says “that’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen!” The lady finds a seat and she is mad as hell. She tells the guy in the seat next to her what the mean bus driver said. The guy tells the lady “ ‘That was really mean! Go up to the bus driver right now and tell him off. I’ll be happy to hold your monkey for you”.
Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: An instagram.
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