Check out our website, now 404 error free; http://wunderground.wustl.edu Volume 4, Issue 4
Monday, February 18, 2008
Single Stand-Offish Work-Study Student Funding ArtSci Printing
countertop that separates her from the world. “I guess when youʼre personally paying for everyoneʼs ability to print on a meager work-study income of $7 an hour, you get a bit more pissed when people print nonacademic material or multiple copies of the same document.” Following her assumption of the entire cost of every sheet of paper printed from the labʼs 55 computers, Klein created a formal list of rules for patrons of the lab, of which only one copy was printed, laminated and taped to a just-out-of-sight pillar to the right of Kleinʼs work station. The rules include stipulations requiring students to resize documents to fit on one page, adjust Powerpoint slides be fitted to one sheet, and wait at Above: Eads Hall, home of the Artsci least 25 minutes before picking up computing center. even one page of printing. Below: Students wait anxiously to be arbitrarily denied their printing. The lonely nights spent in the computing lab leaning against one of The next time you visit the Arts & the labʼs two Hewlett-Packard TK-421 Sciences Computing Center in the Laserjet printer/scanners while reams basement of Eads Hall to print for of Chemistry notes spool from the free, say hello to Christy Klein, or printers into her fluorescently-tanned sheʼll treat you like the paper-wasting hands from which the papers are mooch you are. passed into the anxious grips of tired Since the imposition of library students have given Klein a sense of printing fees in the Olin library last the gravity of her duty. “I see myself year, the 19 year-old work-study as the Atlas of student printing, carrystudent from Newton, MA has ing the weight of the paper and toner personally assumed the costs of pro- world on my shoulders. And that viding free printing to the entire weight comes in 20 lb, 11” x 17,” WashU student body. bright white cases of 200 sheets.” “I rule with an iron fist around Despite this seemingly altruistic here,” the stocky caucasian female act, Kleinʼs reportedly prickly desaid from behind the faux-granite meanor has upset some students. “I
understand that annually funding $160,000 of printing out of your pocket must get old, but does she really have to be such a bitch about it? “ queried Sophomore Eloc Eldnar with arms crossed while waiting to pick up 40 triple-sided pages of research on the origins of English words in Latin and Greek. “Dealing with her scowls makes my head hurt worse than having to read the text that prints on the edges of the paper.” Others have taken exception toward Kleinʼs posited concern for the environment. “That sausage-fingered bitch yelled at me for wasting trees and paper when I printed out a handful of flyers” remarked Paul Moinahester a noted campus environmentalist and vice-president of campus environmental group Green Action, “before she taunted me with my printing, hurled all of [the flyers] into the trash can with the strength of her man-ish biceps, and told me to burn in a firey landfill hell for wasting trees and her time.” In response to such accusations of questionable conduct, Klein simply points to the numbers. “The Artsci Computing Center reported that 364 pages per day werenʼt being picked up by those that had printed them.” Expressing concern, the dirty blonde added, “I really understand the tragedy of this. I havenʼt been picked up by anyone or anything, ever. Literally, figuratively, or otherwise.”
Floor Cited for Overuse of Celebratory Woo Residents of “mighty” Myers 4 were recently charged with the intentional abuse of the short, celebratory yell “woooo.” Suspicions were raised when the usually enthusiastic saying arrived tired and late to a Myers 44 party on Saturday night. “Subsequent investigation revealed that rules regarding the use of ʻwooooo!ʼ had been blatantly violated several times last week,” said Sgt. Mike Cook, a WUPD spokesperson. “I have to admit, I havenʼt seen celebratory negligence this horrifying since the ʻwhoop it upʼ craze of the mid-nineties.” According to the official charges, the first infraction occurred Monday during a 2:00 p.m. economics lecture when Myers 41 resident Levi Baker uttered the exclamation after adjunct professor Kevin Kliesen cursorily mentioned Bakerʼs hometown of Paducah, KY. The phrase was allegedly used inappropriately throughout the week by other Myers 4 floor members in numerous settings, including the screening of a scene reenacting colonial agriculture on the Discovery Times channel, as an expression of
Wooo-STL: The 2008 residents of Myers 4 face stiff fines for their abuse of the celebratory exclamation. The student pictured in striped shirt, rear, faces separate charges for being the pictured pose.
jubilation about finding Daddy Yankeeʼs ʻGasolinaʼ on the free music provider Ruckus, and when half of an old Cheeto was found between the cushions of the heavily Scotchguarded common room couch. Officials say the “repeated and intentional abuse” of this phrase by the floor whose Facebook group describes it as the “embodiment of cool” led to the exhausted state it displayed on the Saturday night
party. The officials added with regret that “[woooo!] might never return to being that same carefree saying we all know and love.” While a collective punishment for the floor remains undecided, the universityʼs Director on Celebratory and Punitive Policy Jill Henne suggest that "woooo!" should only be hollered in two instances: after winning a close game of Fuck the Dealer at Alabama State University, and never.
40% Virgins
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