Page 12 • December 2021 • Golden Gazette
Healing during the holidays
5 ways to remember loved ones while still celebrating the season When Michael H.’s mother, Judy, passed away, he found himself dreading the time of year he used to enjoy most—the holiday season. The holiday season can be particularly hard to handle when you’ve lost someone close to you. “When December came around, I felt as if my family and friends expected me to be healed, as though the season itself were supposed to be enough to make me stop missing my mom,” Michael said. For the millions of Americans who have suffered the recent loss of a loved one,
the holidays can be more sorrowful than joyful. Emotions such as loneliness, anger and grief can easily overtake the spirit of gratitude and cheer of the holiday season. What’s important to remember, according to grief management experts, is that these emotions are normal and not at all uncommon. Here are 5 tips for managing grief during the holidays:
taking care of your needs. Understand that it’s OK to choose to stay home alone with your memories if attending the annual party is too painful for you. Conversely, if the company of others is just what you need to alleviate feelings of loneliness or “difference” during the holidays, allow yourself to attend and actually enjoy yourself.
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old memories, and encourage the start of new ones. With the loss of a loved one, you may prefer to enjoy the party as a guest rather than a host.
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Include your lost loved one in celebrations When the absence of a loved one feels so obvious, don’t ignore it. Instead, embrace it and find a new way to keep your loved one involved in your family’s holiday celebration. “That first Christmas was the hardest,” Michael remembers. “Now we have a new family tradition. Before the presents are handed out, we each go around in a circle and share a memory of Judy. “That’s our present to her, to keep her included in our family celebration,” he explained.
Play it by ear When it comes to Stay or go— those parties, don’t create it’s up to you There’s no rule that additional stress for yourself dictates how you need to by committing to accept spend the holidays, and you or decline an invitation too shouldn’t feel guilty about far in advance. Instead, be honest with others about your feelings. Explain that the holidays can be difficult and you hope the host or hostPick up a print edition ess will understand Donate a gift in honor at any of our 100+ locations even if you make of your loved one your decision the throughout Lubbock or go online to If it’s too hard to exclude day of the party. www.WordPub.com your loved one from your click on “Seniors” Change the shopping list this holiday, tradition don’t. This helped Michael click on “Golden Gazette” If the traditional cope with the absence of his choose a ‘pdf version’ family get-together mother in more recent years. or a ‘flip-the-page’ version. “I was shopping and kept will just be “too hard” or “too differ- seeing things I knew she ent” without your would have loved. At first, loved one this year, seeing those items was a sad change the location, reminder that she was gone. Our 33rd year in publication “But then I had the idea time or type of celPublished monthly by Word Publications ebration. to buy her a present and www.WordPub.com A change may give it to someone in need. To subscribe to the Golden Gazette, call 806-744-2220. lessen the pain of I wrapped it and put it under $ 24 for the year; $48 for two years.
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the tree and then donated it to a non-profit gift drive in her honor. It was actually cathartic,” he said. “I did it again this year. It feels good to honor her memory while helping someone else,” he said. Missing loved ones during the holidays is natural, and how you choose to cope may vary year to year and change as time goes by. However you decide to cope, grief experts agree that it’s important to communicate your emotions to family and friends. Too often, grieving widows or widowers avoid talking about the deceased to appear strong for their children and grandchildren. At the same time, those kids and grandkids are afraid to bring up grandpa for fear of upsetting grandma. The reality is, everybody wants to talk about him.
So talk. Speaking about your loved ones and sharing memories can often ease the pain of holiday gatherings for those who grieve while keeping loved ones close to your heart this holiday season.
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Was just thinking back to when a “new hip joint” meant someplace I wanted to go on Friday Night
