Healing during the holidays

Page 12 • December 2021 • Golden Gazette

Healing during the holidays 5 ways to remember loved ones while still celebrating the season

When Michael H.’s mother, Judy, passed away, he found himself dreading the time of year he used to enjoy most—the holiday season.

The holiday season can be particularly hard to handle when you’ve lost someone close to you.

“When December came around, I felt as if my family and friends expected me to be healed, as though the season itself were supposed to be enough to make me stop missing my mom,” Michael said.

For the millions of Americans who have suff ered the recent loss of a loved one, the holidays can be more sorrowful than joyful.

Emotions such as loneliness, anger and grief can easily overtake the spirit of gratitude and cheer of the holiday season.

What’s important to remember, according to grief management experts, is that these emotions are normal and not at all uncommon.

Here are 5 tips for managing grief during the holidays: 1.Stay or go— it’s up to you

There’s no rule that dictates how you need to spend the holidays, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about taking care of your needs. Understand that it’s OK to choose to stay home alone with your memories if attending the annual party is too painful for you.

Conversely, if the company of others is just what you need to alleviate feelings of loneliness or “diff erence” during the holidays, allow yourself to attend and actually enjoy yourself. 2. Play it by ear When it comes to those parties, don’t create additional stress for yourself by committing to accept or decline an invitation too far in advance. Instead, be honest with others about your feelings. Explain that the holidays can be diffi cult and you hope the host or hostess will understand even if you make your decision the day of the party. 3. Change the tradition If the traditional family get-together will just be “too hard” or “too diff erent” without your loved one this year, change the location, time or type of celebration. A change may lessen the pain of old memories, and encourage the start of new ones. With the loss of a loved one, you may prefer to enjoy the party as a guest rather than a host. 4.Include your lost loved one in celebrations

When the absence of a loved one feels so obvious, don’t ignore it.

Instead, embrace it and fi nd a new way to keep your loved one involved in your family’s holiday celebration.

“That fi rst Christmas was the hardest,” Michael remembers.

“Now we have a new family tradition. Before the presents are handed out, we each go around in a circle and share a memory of Judy.

“That’s our present to her, to keep her included in our family celebration,” he explained. 5. Donate a gift in honor of your loved one

If it’s too hard to exclude your loved one from your shopping list this holiday, don’t. This helped Michael cope with the absence of his mother in more recent years.

“I was shopping and kept seeing things I knew she would have loved. At fi rst, seeing those items was a sad reminder that she was gone.

“But then I had the idea to buy her a present and give it to someone in need. I wrapped it and put it under the tree and then donated it to a non-profi t gift drive in her honor. It was actually cathartic,” he said.

“I did it again this year. It feels good to honor her memory while helping someone else,” he said.

Missing loved ones during the holidays is natural, and how you choose to cope may vary year to year and change as time goes by.

However you decide to cope, grief experts agree that it’s important to communicate your emotions to family and friends.

Too often, grieving widows or widowers avoid talking about the deceased to appear strong for their children and grandchildren.

At the same time, those kids and grandkids are afraid to bring up grandpa for fear of upsetting grandma.

The reality is, everybody wants to talk about him.

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Speaking about your loved ones and sharing memories can often ease the pain of holiday gatherings for those who grieve while keeping loved ones close to your heart this holiday season. - DIGNITYMEMORIAL.COM

Was just thinking back to when a “new hip joint” meant someplace I wanted to go on Friday Night

Melanie’s ‘Brand New Key’

At a London party in 1760, a Belgian violinist made a surprise entrance on a new invention called “roller skates” as he played his music. In doing so, he smashed into a mir-

ror worth a thousand dollars and damaged it beyond repair.

Over the years, roller skates evolved into metal contraptions that included a simple tool—a key—to fasten them to a skater’s shoes.

In her chart-topping novelty song “Brand New Key,” Melanie (born Melanie Anne Safka in 1947) tells of an enamored girl who skates to a boy’s house. He never seems to be home, though, and when the lad’s mother opens the door and explains that her son is inside but isn’t alone, the young lady understands why the guy has been avoiding her: he is seeing another girl he likes better.

There’s a little-known back story to Melanie’s million-seller. In a search for enlightenment, she once went on a 27-day distilledwater fast.

A vegetarian, she broke her fast by munching on carrots but became overwhelmed by the seductive smells from a nearby McDonald’s, where she succumbed to a burger, fries and soda meal.

She claimed that the alluring aroma somehow conjured childhood memories of riding a bicycle and roller-skating, and rationalized her visit to the fast-food chain by assuming that some kind of “spirit voice” was guiding her.

At home, Melanie dashed off “Brand New Key” in 15 minutes, giving the melody a bouncy 30s-style lilt. She never considered the ditty as a potential single release, planning to use it only during concerts to drop in as a surprise between her serious works about the trials of mankind.

But her record-producer husband, Peter Schekeryk, who had just started the couple’s own label—Neighborhood Records—sensed a hit 45 here. For a while, Melanie, who had skyrocketed to fame a year earlier with her rousing Woodstock anthem “Lay Down (Candles in the Rain),” railed against the idea of “Brand New Key” becoming Neighborhood’s debut disc, fearful that if it hit big, she would no longer be taken seriously as a folk artist. (“I was sure I was doomed to be cute for the rest of my life.”)

Numerous listeners often snapped to attention when they first heard the lyrics of “Brand New Key.” As a holdover from the 1960s, the drug scene remained prevalent into the next decade.

This led some people to think that Melanie’s tune was really about acquiring a “key” (a kilogram, or 2.2 pounds) of marijuana. Others dismissed her work as thinly veiled eroticism. Freudianesque symbols aside, Melanie maintains that exploiting matters of the flesh were never her intention.

“People read things into it,” she grumbled later. “They made up incredible stories as to what the lyrics said and what the song meant. In some places, it was even banned on the radio.”

Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates You got a brand new key I think that we should get together And try them out to see.

Golden Gazette • December 2021 • Page 15 Fiber’s role in gut health explained by a GI doctor

There are almost unlimited recommendations for foods and supplements that can improve health. One of the most important things you can do to boost your gut health is to eat enough fiber.

If you’re experiencing digestive problems, your diet could be lacking this essential carbohydrate.

What Is Dietary Fiber?

Dietary fiber is a type of non-digestible carbohydrate that naturally occurs in plants. Your body is unable to absorb or break down fiber, so it ends up passing through the digestive system relatively intact.

Two types of fiber are equally valuable for your gut health.

Sameer Islam, M.D.

1. Soluble fiber - dissolves in water and forms a gel-like substance that slows down the digestive process. Most soluble fibers are readily fermented by bacteria in the gut. 2. Insoluble fiber - keeps its original form and acts as roughage. Instead of slowing digestion down, insoluble fiber speeds it up. Some insoluble fibers undergo fermentation in the gut, whereas others are solely responsible for bulking up the stool.

Fiber – daily recommendations

To keep your digestive system running smoothly, you should consume a certain amount of dietary fiber each day. Your daily recommended fiber intake depends on your age and gender.

Men who are older than 50 years should consume at least 30 grams of fiber per day.

Women who are older than 50 years should consume at least 21 grams of fiber per day. 95% of Americans consume less than their daily recommended fiber intake.

Best fiber sources

Since fiber comes from plants, the best fiber sources are plant-based foods. Highfiber foods fall into the following categories: whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, nuts and seeds.

Besides fiber, these foods are packed with vitamins and minerals and don’t contain unhealthy additives.

High-fiber foods are generally good for your health. But you should limit your intake of processed foods that claim they are high in fiber. These foods are often filled with refined carbohydrates, added sugar, fat, and salt.

Fiber supplements

Getting fiber from whole foods is best. It’s not always doable to meet your daily recommended intake with food alone. In this case, we recommend taking a fiber supplement.

A fiber supplement is not meant to replace your intake of high-fiber foods.

If your digestive system feels sluggish, taking a fiber supplement can give it a the kick-start. Start slowly. Adding too much fiber at once can unintentionally cause bloating, gas, and cramping.

Take a fiber supplement with a large glass of water to help keep you hydrated and improve overall digestion.

The role of fiber in digestion

Fiber plays a vital role in the digestive process. Fiber increases stool size and normalizes bowel movements, which can prevent constipation and diarrhea. Some fibers, known as prebiotics, feed the healthy bacteria in the gut.

Because digestive enzymes don’t break down fiber, the added volume in the stomach makes you feel full and can control hunger cravings.

Consuming adequate dietary fiber can keep blood sugar levels balanced and lower LDL or “bad” cholesterol. The gel-like substance of soluble fiber traps sugar molecules, which prevents blood sugar spikes after eating. Soluble fiber also binds to cholesterol molecules and excretes them from the body.

Fiber can also be beneficial for many digestive conditions. High-fiber foods can reduce heartburn in people with GERD by decreasing the time food particles reside in the stomach. This narrows the window that the stomach contents can flow backward into the esophagus.

Small, hard stools increase pressure within the colon and can lead to the development of diverticulitis. Fiber softens stools, which can reduce pressure in the colon and lower your risk of medical complications. In people with IBS with constipation, eating fiber can increase the frequency of bowel movements and ease uncomfortable symptoms.

If you’re concerned about dietary or digestive issues, contact your healthcare provider.

Sameer Islam, MD is a boardcertified gastroenterologist and hepatologist www.sameerislam.com

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