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lights in the middle of the day? Chava flicked on the light and walked to the desk. She eased her bag off her shoulder, took out a lesson plan book and cleared her throat.

When even that didn’t help the noise die down, or the girls get seated, Chava decided to try something new. It was something so out character, something that went against every value that she had ever raised her children with, that only once she did it, did she feel the numbness of doing something insane. She screamed. ***

“Faigy?” I was in a good mood and the effects of last’s night conversation hadn’t worn off. When I got no answer, I knocked on the door. When I heard the rise and fall of her soft voice on the phone, I realized that I was intruding. Yes, intruding on my own property. I had to accept that, for as long as Faigy lived here, my room was shared property. I needed permission to enter. I decided to ignore the fact that I didn’t really need anything from my room because I wanted to feel annoyed. I prepared a blueberry smoothie instead, and then realized that I had wanted something from my roomI had a question that was bothering me about what Faigy had confided in me last night. My thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. My mother was home.

My heart skipped a beat as a I greeted her. It struck me that our roles were reversed, and this time, I was asking my mother about her day, just like she did for me every day. My heart sank at the sight of my mother’s face. One thing was certain: It had not gone well.

“My day was okay, I guess,” my mother smiled as she put her bag down on the marbled counter. “I did it for Faigy, but I can’t see myself doing this again.” I saw a shudder run through her body as she repeated, “I can’t see myself doing this again.”

“It’s hard to be a sub,” I said, trying to make things good. “No one ever listens to subs, even in my school.”

“But it’s even harder if the class is impossible to begin with,” Faigy said, entering the kitchen. My mother turned around to face her. “I’m sure you were amazing, considering the circumstances,” she continued gratefully. “I don’t know what I would’ve told Mrs. Stewart had I had no replacement. I am not sure what would be worse, telling her I needed the day off or coming in an hour late to teach.”

“I’m glad I saved the day.” I took this as my cue to serve the delicious meal that I had worked hard to prepare.

“That’s so sweet of you, Tehilla!” My mother exclaimed when I brought in a steaming pan of fettuccini alfredo topped with shiitake mushrooms. “You really didn’t have to.”

I sat down near my mother and filled a bowl with creamy pasta, breathing in the hot steam that rose above it. “I didn’t have to,” I said quietly, “but I wanted to.” We ate in silence until I served the next course- a crunchy salad with mini fried mozzarella sticks in it. Chayala joined us and chattered about her day in school. There always seemed to be fun things happening in her young and uncomplicated life. Finally, when she scampered off to do her homework, my mother turned to me with an earnest expression on her face.

Her eyes shone with compassion when she said, “So, Tehilla, aren’t you going to tell me about next year? Why didn’t you tell me that Ahuva was joining you for eleventh grade?”

The tension in the room was thick. I almost choked on a piece of lettuce. “H..h…ow do you know?” It was a lame question, but I couldn’t think of anything else.

“I met Ahuva’s mother. Apparently, she is some kind of therapist in the school that Faigy teaches in. She was shocked that I didn’t know.” I decided to respond with silence. My mother sighed and filled a tall glass cup with the creamy coffee shake that I had prepared. “Look, you don’t have to tell my everything, Tehilla. But I would expect that you should feel comfortable telling me this. Especially this! Ahuva coming to school will be a gamechanger for you. There’s no use denying it. In fact, I have been toying with the idea of having you switch schools to a regular Bais Yaakov for eleventh grade for a little while now.”

I could see my mother regretted her last sentence as soon as it left her mouth.

“Ma,” I began. My voice trembled. “I don’t think that I can ever talk to anyone about what went on between me and Ahuva without completely breaking down. The passing of the years dulled the pain, but it didn’t take away its repercussions. Therefore, I need to be in Bnos Batsheva. Don’t you see it, Ma? It is her fault that I landed up here, but it is also her fault that I still need to stay here. So she has no right to take away the one place that I truly feel at home in.” the way she picked up her purse and prepared to leave the house. “You know as well as I do that where we are going doesn’t really matter. It is time for us to talk, without distractions, and without potential eavesdroppers.” She lowered her voice and added, “ and potential opportunities for you to escape midconversation.”

With that, we found ourselves pulling out of our driveway and just a short while later, loved to do kiruv, and he loved bringing people closer to Hashem.

“It will be good for us to start fresh,” Faigy overheard her new Abba tell her mother late one night. “They have a small Chabad Center and they are looking for a community Rabbi. Over here, our lives are covered in memories. A new place will help us forget.”

Faigy’s mother sniffled. Faigy was perceptive and realized that this was a difficult decision for her mother. But it was all finalized a little less than a year later, and the Klein family found a new home in sunny Arizona.

Surrounded by palm trees and nature, Faigy’s mother and new father started a new life for themselves. They didn’t realize that when they moved on, they left behind a little girl, whose heart ached so much that even the passing of time couldn’t take the hurt away.

***

“Bella, tell me again.” Faigy’s eyes were hyper focused on her student’s face. Her forehead creased in concern at the words that came out of her student’s mouth.

“My parents hate me.” Bella’s chocolate brown eyes filled. “They even said so themselves. I always think that one day I will get big and be fine, but my older sister is still suffering, and she already graduated high school.”

Faigy placed a hand on her shoulder. She was relieved at the progress. Bella didn’t shrug it off.

“Bella, I am your teacher and I really care about you. I will take care of this right away. Please feel free to keep coming to me with any concerns or even to share good news.”

Bella’s face darkened and Faigy instantly knew that she had just opened a pandora’s box. It wasn’t just her words that were bothering Faigy. Something niggled at the corner of her brain. Oh. It was this.

What bothered Faigy most and had every fiber of her body wincing in protest was the whoosh of air and excitement at being the teacher to help. She had just donned a superhero cape, and despite the part of her that screamed how wrong this all was, Faigy was determined to enjoy every second of it.