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יפכ שפנ ןוידפ א ךיוא

.ע״יז םיקידצמ לבוקמה

BY: FAIGY GOLD

Recap: Mrs. Chava Kaplan receives a strange phone call. Tehilla Kaplan realizes that someone is spreading bad information about her. When she tells her mother, her mother collapses on the floor.

CHAPTER TWO:

“So girls,” Mrs. Hess began, her blue eyes shining. I looked up from my doodled paper and wondered again what I was doing here in school.

“I want you to tell me what comes to mind when I say the word Tznius.” I sighed and leaned back in the hard plastic chair. I could feel the onset of a headache. This was going to be a long day. The voices swirled in the background as Mrs. Hess began to fill the board with words like “four inches”, “short skirts”, “rulers”, and “rules”. A strange surge of anger shook me awake. It was something I had never felt before, a rushing tide of self-righteous fury that overtook my entire being. Here I was, sitting in a classroom filled with girls who were leading peaceful, ordinary lives, discussing small issues that they had with keeping hilchos tznius, and just going about their day with the natural aplomb of an eighth grade student. While my world had just fallen apart. In my mind, a thousand shards of glass had just scattered throughout my little world, leaving room for nothing but fear.

“I think Tznius is about love of Hashem,” I could hardly believe this was me speaking. Mrs. Hess raised her eyebrow. “When you give up a piece of yourself, you are doing it for Hashem, not for anyone else. So that shows true love,” I forged on in a choked voice. An awkward silence fell over the room. Mrs. Hess looked unsure for a moment, but quickly composed herself.

“Girls,” she began. We all looked up. “I need to re-introduce this topic and what these classes will be all about. This class is all about being real, honest, and open. If you feel that way, Tehilla, that is beautiful and inspiring. Everyone is welcome to share their thoughts.”

I wasn’t fooled. For some reason, she had listed every answer that my classmates had supplied on the white board in front of us, but mine remained hanging mid-air. She never wrote my words on the board. ***

Chava stared up at the white ceiling. She was trapped in a world of white and gliding tables. The anti-septic smell had long stopped annoying her- this was her new home. For now.

“It will just be a short stay,” her husband had insisted. “We just need to check out what happened.”

She had weakly tried to protest, she had a whole family to care for! But the paramedics whisked her away. When she tried to ask for details, the words came out in a scary warble. That’s when she realized that something had happened- something potentially fatal. That’s when she realized she had to be grateful to be alive.

***

Heavy footsteps sounded behind me. I picked up pace.

“Tehilla!! Wait!”

Before I knew it, Huva was there, like every day, face flushed and panting.

“Why didn’t you wait for me? Are you trying to give me some extra exercise?” her red curls bounced as she laughed. I remained silent and walked on.

“Uh…Tehilla?”

With no response forthcoming, she continued, “Why are you acting so strange with Mrs. Hess? I mean, it is nice to be holy and all, but most of us aren’t up to there yet! So why bring it up?”

I halted mid-step and turned to face Huva.

“Huva, do you really want to know why?” There was a heartbeat of silence before I said, “I am sure that not. Right now, there is no better way to tell you this. Ahuva Sternhill, I regret the moment we linked arms and proclaimed to be friends forever. I regret the secrets and struggles that I ever shared with you. I regret the day I decided that you are a friend worthy of my trust.” My breath came out in spurts. I didn’t wait for her response. I fled. Wind rushed through my soft blond hair, the wisps blocking my vision. There was just no stopping the adrenaline that grabbed rein of my heart and soul. The past six years of my life had been one big lie.

It was time Huva realized that the lie was over. ***

“Tehilla?” The voice that flooded the wires was hoarse and slurred. I blinked back a sudden tear.

“Ma?”

“How arrre yyou?”

“Baruch Hashem. I mean, I had a good day, I just can’t stop worrying! Are you okay?”

This sudden switch around was jarring. It was always Ma hovering over me and making sure that I was happy and welltaken care of. Here I was, with a full household on my fragile shoulders, a sickly mother on my tired brain, and a forever friendship put to a sudden end.

“Tehhilla? You tthhere?”

I nodded into the phone. “Yes, Ma. I was just worrying about you. What do they say it is?”

Ta walked into the room and frantically motioned no.

“Uh, Ma? Whatever. Just rest up, everything is under control. I made supper and Moti is happy. Chayaleh was very happy at the neighbor until I came home from school and we are all doing great.”

I could hear the sigh of relief.

“Yyyou are a ggem. Love you!” Ma eked out. She breathed heavily.

“I am going to go now, sssweetie. H...hang in there!” I heard the dial tone and stared at the phone. Sweetie? That was so unMa like. So was laying helpless on a cot in a hospital with some unknown disease. So was slurring and talking to me like a stranger on the street.

“Ta? We need to talk.” These famous fearinspiring words.

I had just donned the coat of adulthood. And I didn’t like it one bit. ***

Ahuva clicked her golden necklace open and stared at the image inside for a few minutes. Gently clicking it shut, she heard her mother’s soft footfall.

“Huvs? Dinner is waiting!”

The aroma of cooking food wafted into her room. Her stomach growled, but she ignored it.

“Ahuva? You okay?” Her mother was closer now.

Ahuva jumped. “Coming,” she whispered, and flung the door open.

“I’ll be goin’ now, hon,” Mrs. Sternstein blew her daughter a kiss.

Ahuva ignored the kiss and trudged into the kitchen as she heard the door slam shut.

“Did the potatoes do anything to you?” Pori teased. Ahuva remained silent. “C’mon, what on earth has got you looking so sad?” she pressed.

Ahuva’s eyes glazed over. “I…can’t talk about it.”

“What does that mean?”

“That I cannot tell you what is bothering me. Doing so would be digging deeper into the hole that I dug for myself.”

Pori looked at Ahuva, eyes boring straight into her heart. “Let me tell you one thing, little sis. There is no such thing as the road of no return. There is no such thing as a fatal mistake. The solution is waiting, you just got to be ready to find it.”

A tense silence hovered over the room.

Ahuva broke it. “You don’t understand, Pori. You don’t even know what I am talking about! For goodness sake, I am not sure why I am even telling you this much!”

Pori raised one eyebrow. “This much? Huvs, you haven’t said a word since you walked in from school. You locked yourself into your room and pretty much ignored everything and anyone. You are going to either snap out of it, or…” she let her sentence dangle dangerously in the air.

“Or what?” Huva challenged, her voice quivering slightly.

“Or you don’t want to know what kind of atmosphere you will spread here. It’s hard enough for me to take care of the finances here, it’s hard enough for me to be the one to hold everyone together here, I just can’t deal with even one more issue or I’ll snap.” Ahuva blinked. She knew things weren’t great, but what does a thirteen-year-old girl know?

She took in the crème-colored walls and elegant drapery. A cynical laugh escaped her throat. No one looking around here would ever guess what was really happening in the Sternhill home. In the meantime, Pori was demanding answers. Ahuva’s eyes flashed.

“So what if you are struggling? Does that mean that I have to share with you my every issue just because you have taken on role of super mom. You are not my mother. You hear that?”

She repeated, “You. Are. Not. My. Mother.” “Alright.” Pori’s voice was soft and intimate. “I am not your mother, I am your older sister who is supporting the family while Dad is away somewhere on a business trip and Mom is trying to keep us all afloat. I am paying my weekly wage towards rent and groceries and whatever else you may need, cleaning up in the morning before I leave and at night when I get home, and staying on top of preparing meals here. But I am not your mother. I am just Pori, the 25 year old girl who is too young to really be a mother.”

Ahuva stood still. Her feet wobbled as she got up. Tears glistened from her dark black lashes.

“Pori, you know how much I love you. You know that I would love to see you out of here, happy and raising a family of your own. But right now, that isn’t in my control. And I would love it if you didn’t have to do all of this. I am only thirteen years old, I cannot possibly contribute to the family income! What do you expect from a little girl?”

“I expect answers, young lady.” Pori leaned over her.

So she supplied answers. ***

“Tehilla! Tehilla!” Two little head full of curls laughed and four arms were thrown around me.

Babysitting for the uncomplicated Levovitz children was a breath of fresh air. It was a rare treat these days, Ma being away and all. Tonight, Ta had urged me to get out and go babysit. He knew how much I needed it.

“Is it true? Is it true?” Chanala asked, her green eyes widening as she spoke.

“Is what true, cutie?” I leaned down and tickled her nose.

“That you mother had a stroke?” I gazed into her innocent eyes.

My heart skipped a beat. “Who told you that?”

At that moment, Mrs. Levovitz rushed into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped. “You know, kids being kids.”

I looked at her weakly. “Did you say stroke?” Understanding slowly dawned upon her face.

“Darling, you mean to say that you didn’t know?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. “I’m so sorry, Tehilla. I honestly didn’t know that this was so private. We are all with you and your mother, praying for her recovery and sending over as much help as we can. I would’ve kept it private, too, had I known it was a secret.”

“I..” I tried to talk. “I…” To my horror, a huge sob escaped my throat and refused to let the words out.

Dabbing furiously at my tears, I whispered, “I just didn’t know it had a name. The thing. I am so relieved to finally hear the name.” Mrs. Levovitz looked at me.

“Tehilla, perhaps your parents had a specific reason why they didn’t want you to know the prognosis. Maybe they thought you would worry too much. Or maybe they think that this will blow over shortly, so they were hoping to gloss over the details. But it shouldn’t have come from me, this information.”

So what did she exactly want from me, the little girl once leading the perfect life, who had just been told that her mother had suffered a stroke?

The rest of the night was a blur. I wasn’t sure what Mrs. Levovitz had been thinking, leaving me to babysit her four rambunctious children in my shell shocked state. Or maybe she had known that taking care of her yummies would calm me down.

I buried my face into Baby Sari’s soft pink blanket and inhaled her soft newborn scent. I sang a gentle lullaby as I rocked her back and forth in my arms.

For that moment, the sound of my clear honeyed voice brushing over the walls and embracing the still home brought me to a place of peace. For just that moment, I was able to feel that perhaps, just perhaps the past few days of my life had simply been one bad dream.

TO BE CONTINUED

For years, RABBI CHAIM VESHNEFSKY has been providing thousands of teenagers (and adults), from all over the world, with clear answers to tough hashkafah questions, and an enhanced appreciation for the depth of Yiddishkeit and the accuracy of our mesorah Now, for the first time, the material of his popular lectures is available in book form!