The Power
of self love BY MARCY NEUMANN
W
ith each article that I write about Self Love I find myself getting more and more radical in my beliefs and convictions about it being the quintessential requirement for your health and happiness. Forgive me, but I won’t be beating around the bush here; if you believe that Self -Love is being selfish, this article may challenge you. You see, I’ve been where you may be right now. The good, ‘stand behind her man’ wife, the loyal ‘do anything for you’ friend, the fabulous, ’we can always count on her’ sister, the committee laden community pillar, the devoted ‘no matter what it takes’ mother to four children. I lived tirelessly giving, giving and giving some more as I thought was my duty until the day I had nothing left to give. On the morning I realized this, I awoke just like many other days. My head was already pounding and I reached for my medication, the one I never left home without. I hadn’t slept well and had been tossing and turning most of the night after I had awakened from yet another one of my night terrors; drenched in sweat, ripping at some imaginary fear. I showered and dressed to begin my day of work at my husband’s side. My stomach in knots and my hips full of a familiar dull ache with occasional shooting pain. I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself, “How did you get so old so fast?”
I was only 50 years old and I looked and felt 10 years older. My day hadn’t even started and already there were tears stinging my eyes. And then it started, my family commitments. Coordinating who needed what, schedules turned upside down, five sports activities for after school, a meeting that was never relayed to me…you get the picture. I finally got out the door and into my car and when I turned the corner, I pulled to the side of the road and cried. Who was I? How had I gotten so far away from who I thought I would be? Furthermore, where had I gone? I flashed back to a cosmic experience I had just the year before; a personal epiphany that had left me reeling with the image of myself living a life totally different from my reality at the time. It scared me to death. I couldn’t fathom it. I was traveling, I was teaching, I was writing, I was speaking in huge rooms filled with women who were paying to hear me speak, signing books, holding workshops, teaching, teaching, teaching. I laughed out of fear. “How could I possibly?” And then questions resounded in my mind. “What if?” “What’s standing in your way?” “What’s stopping you?” And the most serious of them, “ What do you have to let go of in order to see that vision come to fruition?” That took some time to answer. I reached out for help in order to gain some clarity. However, it wasn’t long
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