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New Perspectives Joy Dettling Your Presence is the Present Kelly Haskins Stonerock
The Diary of a Hairapist Jamie MacNeill
Law of Attraction Suzanne Young
Called to Create Colleen Kilpatrick
Real Life Meditation Trice Berlinski
Sparkle & Shine Mimi Matthews
From Our Editor
www.W2WMichiganc.om
info@w2wmichigan.com
Dear Readers,
And just like that we are diving into the holiday season of 2025! We are so thankful that you are part of our Women2Women community. Your support, encouragement, and enjoyment of our events and writers’ articles mean so much to us.
Our theme this issue is one that intrigued me because I couldn’t wait to see how our writers addressed it. The theme—“You Are the Present”— can be interpreted two ways. Present as gift, or present as the moment. Our writers are so creative you will want to read every article! Also, make sure you look at our Gift Guide. Holiday buying is a great time to support small businesses and women entrepreneurs.
We have a new writer joining our team. Jamie MacNeill’s column is titled “Diary of a Hairapist” and she nails our theme with her article “You Are the Present”. We are pleased to have her join us, presenting her unique perspective as a cosmetologist. Jennifer Beard gives us practical, calming advice for the holidays in “Stress, Holidays, and the Science of Calm”. In “Money Mindfulness” Jill Carr delves into the interesting idea of our money “story”. And she says, “Mindfulness is about being fully present—and that applies directly to money”.
And speaking of the word “present”? You, our dear readers, are wonderful, one-of-a-kind presents to us (and our world), and we are so glad you are present with us! (Did you like that?)
The Women2Women staff is wishing you the very best during this holiday season. Breathe in and relish these moments, because they slip past quickly.
Blessings & joy to you,
, Editor
Stay informed of W2W happenings through our email newsletter. If you haven’t been receiving them, visit www.w2wmichigan.com and sign up!
Trice@w2wmichigan.com
Debra K Collins Publisher/Editor in Chief Debra@w2wmichigan.com
The holiday season is a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. Amid the flurry of preparations—shopping, gifting, and decorating—it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos. But this year, consider shifting your focus to what truly matters: being present with loved ones.
The Heart of Holiday Entertaining
Holiday entertaining isn’t just about festive decorations or elaborate menus; it’s about creating moments of genuine connection. When we are truly present, we turn holiday gatherings into memorable experiences filled with warmth, laughter, and shared joy.
Why Presence Matters
During the Holidays
In a season often defined by rushing and multitasking, being present helps us savor the moment. It allows us to listen fully,
engage heartfelt conversations, and truly appreciate the company around us. This mindfulness transforms holiday events from routine to meaningful.
Tips for Mindful Holiday Hosting
• Unplug to Connect: Set aside phones and devices during gatherings. Focus on conversations and spontaneous interactions.
• Be Fully There: Engage in activities with intention, whether it’s preparing a meal, playing games, or simply sharing stories.
• Create a Warm Atmosphere: Use cozy décor, soft music, and inviting spaces that encourage guests to relax and be present.
• Practice Gratitude: Take moments to pause and acknowledge what you’re grateful for, fostering a deeper sense of connection.
Making the Most of Your Holiday Moments
Remember, the holiday season is
fleeting. By focusing on presence, you allow yourself and your guests to truly experience the joy and magic of this special time. Whether around the dinner table, by the fire, or during a shared walk outside, these moments of mindfulness become treasured memories.
This holiday, let’s embrace the power of being present. It’s in these authentic moments that the season’s true spirit reveals itself—one of love, gratitude, and connection. When we slow down and truly engage, the holidays become not just a celebration of tradition, but a celebration of what truly matters: a gift to each other.
Christine Stephens “For those who find beauty in the everyday - welcome to The Green Table.” - The Green Table Home & Garden.
Kali Jean is an author, speaker, entrepreneur, and advocate for joy-filled living. Her life’s work centers on helping women reconnect with their inner strength, rediscover their purpose, and choose joy no matter what life brings. Through her book What The Joy? she invites women to see joy, not as a fleeting feeling, but as a powerful choice that can anchor us through change, loss, growth, and everything in between.
For much of her life, Kali was the one taking care of everyone else—in her family, her business, and her community. Somewhere along the way, she lost sight of taking care of herself. She went through seasons of stress, loss, and self-doubt. It was in those moments when life felt heavy that she discovered the true meaning of joy. Not the surface kind, but the kind of joy that holds you steady when everything is shifting. This discovery taught her resilience, faith, and the beauty of starting again.
This is where Kali finds strength—from her faith and the quiet moments when she remembers she’s not alone, God is still guiding her. She notes that even during the heaviest of times when she didn’t know how she’d make it through, she’d found a spark of light—sometimes through prayer, sometimes through a person who showed up at just the right moment, and sometimes through that small voice inside whispering, “Keep going.”
To get through the painful moments, Kali leans into prayer, gratitude, and the reminder that joy is still present. Her family and close friends have been her anchors and she finds that their love grounds her and reminds her why she keeps showing up. She says a lot of her strength comes from within—from choosing to believe that what she’s been through wasn’t for nothing.
Her journey is the foundation of her book. She wanted to help others see that their story, no matter how messy or painful, can become their message. That joy isn’t just what we feel when life is easy; it’s the light we carry through every chapter. There’s meaning in the mess and purpose in the pain. What The Joy? is really about finding joy, not because life is perfect, but because you’ve learned to see the beauty, even in the breaking.
Kali wrote What The Joy? after a vivid dream where she lost her inner child named Joy on the fast-paced expressway of life. In the dream, she remembers feeling desperate to find her, and when she woke up, that feeling stayed with her. She realized that somewhere along the way, she’d been moving so quickly, giving so much, that she’d misplaced her sense
of wonder, peace, and joy.
Finding joy again became her only concern, and soon after, she felt a divine nudge to write the book. Through seasons of loss, burnout, and deep self-reflection, she discovered that joy isn’t something that just happens. It’s something we must choose, nurture, and protect.
She wants readers to see that joy isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence. It’s about noticing the small, sacred moments in everyday life and remembering that growth and gratitude can coexist with pain.
What The Joy? became more than a book. It became a movement, a reminder that when we focus on the good, the good truly gets better.
Kali feels called to help others find light in their own lives and over the years, that calling has become clearer and stronger. What started as personal growth and healing her own patterns, rebuilding her health, and rediscovering joy, evolved into a passion to guide others through the same.
“It’s less about a career path and more about a divine purpose, a pull on her heart to serve, uplift, and remind others that they are capable of creating a life filled with meaning, strength, and joy. It’s not something she chose once; it’s something she chooses daily.”
She says, “What I want women to know is that they are not broken and that even in their hardest seasons, they are becoming. We spend so much of our lives trying to hold it all together, meet expectations, and pour into everyone else, that we forget we’re allowed to pause, to heal, and to grow at our own pace.
I want women to know that joy isn’t reserved for when everything finally works out. It’s available right now, even in the midst of uncertainty, rebuilding, and rediscovering who you are. You are worthy of peace, purpose, and love right where you are. You have the ability to bring JOY into your life!”
She hopes her story will show that you can rise from anything. The same light you see in others is already within you.
One of the biggest lessons she’s learned is that peace and joy are not destinations, they’re daily decisions. Life will always have challenges, but how we respond determines how we rise. She’s learned that slowing down to breathe, pray, and give thanks can shift everything. Gratitude truly changes our perspective.
Another key lesson is that healing isn’t linear. Growth takes time, and it’s okay to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress. She’s learned to honor where she is, instead of constantly rushing to where she thinks she should be. And perhaps most importantly, self-care isn’t selfish. Taking care of your mind, body, and spirit allows you to show up stronger for everyone else.
Kali’s book, What The Joy?, is a heartfelt guide to rediscovering the light within yourself, no matter what life looks like right now. It’s not just another self-help book; it’s a reminder that joy is something we can choose, create, and live from every single day.
She walks readers through the process of shifting their perspective, finding gratitude in the ordinary, and rebuilding from a place of strength and faith. It’s for anyone who’s ever felt lost, tired, or stuck, and is ready to reconnect with purpose and peace.
www.whatthejoy.com
I recently took a deep dive into budgeting and began tracking my own expenses. If I’m going to encourage clients to do this, I figured I should practice what I preach.
Honestly? I was nervous to see how much I was spending on things like eating out and those ever-tempting Amazon purchases. It felt a lot like stepping on a scale when you’re trying to lose weight— the number can be intimidating. And it was!
But here’s what I want you to know: I get it. I’ve been there. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take that step. Yes, it’s scary at first, but putting it off has the potential to exacerbate the problem. Mindfulness is such a buzzword these days, and “money mindfulness” is just as important.
To me, mindfulness is about being fully present—and that applies directly to money. Good financial management is a balance between planning for tomorrow and enjoying life today. I don’t want you to live so frugally today that you miss out on joy, just to secure a wealthy future. There must be balance.
One way to start is by thinking about your money story. Your money story is the set of beliefs you hold about money, whether you realize it or not. It might sound like:
• Getting into debt is wrong.
• I need to save every penny in case something goes wrong.
• Life is short, so I should buy what I want.
Often, these stories are shaped by our parents’ financial mindset and habits or childhood experiences. The good news? Stories can change. For example, shifting from “money makes me anxious” to “I know more than I thought I did about money” can unlock confidence and new possibilities.
When you rewrite your money story, you open the door to smarter financial decisions. Maybe you’ll decide to invest in yourself with education to boost your career, or maybe you’ll track your spending, so you know exactly where your money goes. Being intentional with your money is a way of honoring yourself right now.
That’s why I encourage creating a “Now Fund” (or whatever name brings you joy). Yes, you should save for retirement, emergencies, and the big stuff—but you should also save for fun. A Now Fund gives you permission to enjoy today without blowing your budget.
Think of it like planned indulgence. For me, it is like binge eating. If I plan a treat, I am less likely to go full “Cookie Monster” on a bag of chips. Likewise, planning for small financial treats keeps you from splurging impulsively. And here is the bigger picture: being financially empowered today impacts more than just you. Your daughters, nieces, and
younger women are watching. According to McKinsey , women already control one-third of total U.S. household financial assets, and Forbes projects women will control two-thirds of inherited wealth by 2030. That’s massive. Which is why— even if you’ve traditionally left finances to a partner—it is important to know the basics:
• What is my net worth?
• Where are my accounts?
• Who can I call if I have questions?
The shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance doesn’t just strengthen your finances—it can make you happier. And who doesn’t want that?
Of course, this journey is easier with support. If you would like help bringing more money mindfulness into your life, I’d love to talk. You can reach me at jill.carr@ stephenswmg.com.
Jill Carr, Senior Wealth Advisor, CPA, CFP®, CEPA®, CPFA® is a passionate Senior Wealth Advisor, continually striving to find new ways to exceed her clients’ expectations with her depth of knowledge in taxes, estate planning, and personal finance. She seeks to empower her clients to increase their own financial literacy and understanding of wealth management. She’s especially interested in helping younger clients and older single women who may need help with their finances.
Neither Stephens Wealth Management Group (“SWMG”), nor Jill Carr is affiliated with Women 2 Women. There can be no assurance that any investment or noninvestment-related content referred to directly or indirectly in this article will be profitable, be suitable for your portfolio or individual situation, or prove successful. Due to various factors, including changing market conditions and/or applicable laws, the content may no longer be reflective of current opinions or positions. Moreover, you should not assume that any discussion or information contained in this blog serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from SWMG. To the extent that a reader has any questions regarding the applicability of any specific issue discussed above to their individual situation, you are encouraged to consult with the professional advisor of your choosing. SWMG does not make any representations or warranties as to the accuracy, timeliness, suitability, completeness, or relevance of any information prepared by any unaffiliated third party, whether linked to SWMG’s website blog or incorporated herein, and takes no responsibility for any such content. All such information is provided solely for convenience purposes only and all users thereof should be guided accordingly.
Investment advisory services offered through Stephens Consulting LLC, an SEC registered investment adviser doing business as Stephens Wealth Management Group (SWMG). SWMG is not a registered broker/dealer. SWMG investment adviser representatives may only conduct business with residents of the states and/or jurisdictions for which they are properly registered. Therefore, a response to a request for information may be delayed. Please note that not all the investments and services mentioned are available in every state. Investors outside of the United States are subject to securities and tax regulations within their applicable jurisdictions that are not addressed on this site. Contact our office for information and availability.
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The holidays are often seen as a season of joy, togetherness, and celebration — but for many, this time of year can bring feelings of loneliness, grief, or quiet heartache. When the world seems to sparkle with happiness, it can make the absence of loved ones or the weight of personal struggles feel even heavier.
If you have ever lost a loved one, you know that many people are just uncomfortable with death. People often avoid talking to you if you have lost someone, either because they do not know what to say or because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. What you may not know is just your presence, without a word spoken, is a gift to many who struggle with greif.
In 1999, I carried a son to full term, gave birth to him and spent a precious 24 hours with him before he passed away. He suffered from a genetic disorder called Trisomy 13. My son’s name was Tyler Lee Peter Stonerock. He was named Tyler after our former Pastor, and Peter because that name means “rock.” I was attending church the same day that my son was born. I had listened to my husband preach at Victory World Outreach Church in Goodrich (Now, called BridgewoodGoodrich). His message was about Jesus being your rock.
I remember being wheeled out of the hospital with Tyler in my arms just as a very old woman passed me in the hallway. I thought to myself, “This child in my arms has had no time on the earth to make a difference. I wonder what you have done to make a difference with your long life.”
Our car followed the funeral car that was transporting my son in a very small, white coffin. The funeral car drove slowly, so we drove slowly. I remember a car beeping their horn in frustration because of how slow we were driving. I thought to myself, “Oh! How embarrassed you would be if you knew why we were driving so slowly.”
The world and the lives of others around me just seemed to go on normally, while my world seemed like a foggy pause in time.
I had a friend, Ann, who lost her 5-yearold daughter, Sarah Joy, to an epileptic seizure months after my son’s death. Our husbands handled the deaths of our children differently. THEY seemed to move on, or at least didn’t feel the need to talk about what happened.
Ann and I saw each other at least 2 times per week and always asked each other about our lost children. We wanted to talk about Tyler and Sarah. We wanted someone to ask us about our children. We wanted our children to be remembered. Ann even wrote a song in honor of my son, Tyler, called, “I am with you always and in ALL ways.”
There were times that we sat beside each other and neither of us spoke a word. Her presence was comforting to me, and my presence was comforting to her. Even at times when we may have felt alone, we were never alone.
At this time of year, people often reflect on those that they have lost. I encourage you, just being present provides support, comfort and encouragement. Your PRESENCE is the best PRESENT.
Kelly Haskins Stonerock has been a resident of Goodrich for 29 years. She served as a pastor’s wife for 17 years and is, presently, the CEO of BatsAndTraps.com, an animal removal company that services Genesee County and its surrounding communities. Kelly has five kids of her own and she raised 3 other children. She was featured on ABC’s television show, “Wife Swap” in 2005.
Jane’s heart is racing. Sweat beads on her forehead, and she can’t steady the shake in her voice. As she gets ready for Thanksgiving dinner, she braces herself for the familiar onslaught from concerned family — the questions about her love life, her career, and why she hasn’t “settled down yet.”
She goes through this every year. Another job that led nowhere. Another round of financial juggling to make the holidays work. Another layer of exhaustion mixed with anxiety she can’t seem to shake. Her mother insists she should “just go to the doctor for those pills,” but Jane hesitates. The idea of numbing her emotions with medication doesn’t feel quite right. There must be another way.
From My Past Self to Jane
Twenty-five years ago, I would have been sitting right beside Jane at that dinner table, hiding my trembling hands under the table. I, too, worried constantly about money, my future, and what others thought of me. I was shaking like a leaf and desperate for relief.
Looking back, I wish I’d known then what I know now — that stress and anxiety aren’t always the enemy. They’re signals from the body trying to help us adapt and grow.
At the time, I thought stress was the bane of my existence. Now I understand: stress is a tool.
Short, manageable stress — what scientists call “stress inoculation” —
actually improves focus, motivation, and resilience. In brief bursts, it can even boost the immune system.
The problem begins when stress becomes chronic. When cortisol, our body’s main stress hormone, stays elevated for too long, it drains our energy, disrupts sleep, causes brain fog, and weakens immunity. The goal isn’t to eliminate stress, but to learn how to turn it off once it’s done its job.
3 Science-Backed Ways to Calm Stress Quickly
These evidence-based techniques, popularized by neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman, shift the nervous system from fight-or-flight (sympathetic) to rest-anddigest (parasympathetic) mode — often in minutes.
1. The Physiological Sigh - Take a double inhale through your nose — one deep breath, then a smaller “top-off” inhale — followed by a long exhale through your mouth. This powerful breathing pattern releases excess carbon dioxide, lowers heart rate, and reduces stress almost immediately (in less than 2 minutes).
2. The Distance View - When we’re anxious, our pupils constrict and our vision narrows — a natural “tunnel vision” response. By stepping outside and focusing on the horizon or a distant object, you engage the brain’s magnocellular visual pathway, which tells the nervous system the environment is safe. The result: calm.
3. Rhythmic Movement - Everybody knows that exercise is great for mood, but cyclic motion is great for stress — walking, swimming, cycling, even gentle pacing — helps the body metabolize cortisol and adrenaline. It’s not about intensity, but rhythm. Movement reminds your body that life is continuing — and so are you.
Try these tools and see what works for you. Remember, your body isn’t betraying you — it’s communicating with you. Stress is here to prepare you, not to punish you. If you’re experiencing severe or persistent anxiety, please know my heart goes out to you. Use these tools, but, if necessary, get further support and know that seeking professional help is a strong and honorable choice.
This Holiday Season
As the holidays approach, look for joy in life’s quiet delights — a shared laugh, a peaceful snowy scene, a favorite song playing softly in the background. You have the power to shape your experience through your thoughts, words, and focus. Let the season’s challenges become opportunities to grow. Remember, your presence is a gift in itself. This holiday, create joy intentionally, and share it generously.
Happy Holidays!
Jennifer Beard, owner of Bold Life & Bold Life Academy, guides individuals through transformative shifts in behavior, beliefs, andemotions, unlocking the path to their most extraordinary lives. Visit Jennifer at JenniferBeard.com.
Your Health & Wellness Journey
The holidays should be a season of joy, but often they leave us drained— caught between sweet treats, stressful schedules, and the pressure to overspend. These three areas—sugar, stress, and spending—are the most common “joy stealers.”
The good news? With a few practical strategies, you can take back control and enjoy the season with peace, health, and balance.
Sugar: Break Free from Holiday Cravings
Cookies, pies, and candies seem to appear at every turn this time of year. It’s easy to slip into a cycle of sugar highs and energy crashes. The more we give in to cravings, the more they control us.
Instead of fighting sugar with willpower alone, focus on balance. Sugar and other “expansive” foods like alcohol and caffeine give us a temporary boost, but
they leave us depleted soon after. On the opposite end, foods like red meat or salty snacks can make us feel heavy and tense. Neither extreme is ideal— especially during a busy holiday season.
The solution? Choose foods that stabilize your energy and keep cravings in check:
• Protein and seafood (turkey, chicken, fish)
• Root vegetables and beans (carrots, sweet potatoes, lentils)
• Whole grains (quinoa, brown rice, oats)
• Leafy greens (spinach, kale, arugula)
• Fruits and nuts for smart snacking
By including these foods in your meals, you’ll naturally crave less sugar. And yes—you can still enjoy a holiday cookie or slice of pie. But when you’re fueled with balance, you’re in charge—not the sugar.
Bonus tip: The concept of balance goes beyond food. When life feels “contractive” with too many obligations, you may crave expansive foods like wine, sweets, or chocolate. Instead, balance your schedule with expansive activities: a warm bath, a walk outdoors, or a quiet time of prayer or meditation.
Stress: Small Steps to Ease Holiday Anxiety Holiday
Stress often feels unavoidable—but it doesn’t have to steal your joy. Even small shifts in how you handle stress can make a big difference.
Here’s why it matters:
● Stress hormones like cortisol increase weight gain and fatigue.
● Stress weakens digestion, meaning your body absorbs fewer nutrients just when you need them most.
● Stress affects blood pressure, energy, and even your hormones.
While we can’t erase stress entirely, we can reduce it—and even a 1% improvement changes how you experience the season.
One simple tool is Heart-Focused Breathing:
1. Sit comfortably and bring your attention to your heart.
2. Breathe slowly and deeply, finding a steady rhythm.
3. Think of something that fills you with gratitude or love.
4. Let that feeling expand as you continue breathing.
This practice not only calms your mind, it lowers cortisol and helps your body return to balance. Use it anytime you feel holiday stress rising.
Spending: Mindful Decisions that Protect Your Joy
Overspending is another common holiday trap. The excitement of
shopping, gift-giving, and decorating can quickly lead to financial regret. Instead of reacting on impulse, pause and walk through your choices:
• Picture buying the item. How does it feel? What are the consequences?
• Picture not buying it. Does it bring relief or guilt?
• Return to neutral.
Which decision supports your long-term peace and financial stability?
This quick reflection prevents emotional overspending and helps you choose in line with your values. Thoughtful decisions allow you to give generously without sacrificing your financial wellbeing.
A Season of Peace, Health, and Joy
You don’t have to let sugar cravings, stress, or overspending steal your holiday joy. By fueling your body with balance, calming your mind with simple
resets, and spending with intention, you can create space for what really matters: a season filled with peace, health, and joy
Quick Tips for Reclaiming Holiday Joy
● Balance sugar: Add protein, veggies, and whole grains to steady energy before enjoying treats.
● Breathe away stress: Try one minute of Heart-Focused Breathing whenever you feel overwhelmed.
● Spend with intention: Before buying, imagine both choices and see which one supports your peace.
Debra Loader is a Christian Health and Wellness Coach, a Christian Life Coach, as well as a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC). She helps women integrate their Christian faith into their health and wellness journey to find greater motivation and resilience. You can contact Debra at debra@debraloaderlivingwell.com or 810-2874096
The holidays are often called the season of giving and so many women I know are experts at it. We give gifts… and also our time, our care, our energy, and our hearts. We hold families, friendships, and countless facets of life together through our generosity. But when it comes to receiving — love, help, rest, praise, abundance — many of those same women are at a loss.
I’ll begin by admitting that I’m in the midst of a personal reckoning with my relationship to receptivity. It’s been a dance for me over the past several years. I’ve long been aware of my tendency to close off… patterns rooted in the past. Yet there have also been a few magical phases in my life when I felt wide open, in a flow-y, receptive state where everything seemed to align effortlessly.
Still, I can see how the deeper patterns of blocking my receptivity linger in subtle ways. I notice myself brushing off compliments, feeling a full-body discomfort when someone celebrates me, deflecting kindness, or quietly dreading my own birthday.
As I envision my dreams and work to bring them to life, I’ve noticed that life itself often doesn’t meet me halfway. In reflecting on why, I’ve begun to question whether the answer is really to do more? Or is the answer to soften more into the mystery of life? What if the universe has something to reveal that’s even more aligned, more beautiful, than anything I could have imagined on my own? These questions keep drawing me back to my exploration of receptivity.
Why So Many Women Struggle to Receive
When I talk to other women about this, there’s often an instant recognition. It seems many of us have inherited a deep conditioning: to be capable, selfsufficient, endlessly generous… but rarely open.
We’ve been praised for being strong and selfless, and conditioned to find safety in control. Many of us are familiar with the fear of being a burden. We equate worth with productivity. We believe love must be earned. Many, after lifetimes of giving, simply don’t know how to relax into being given to.
Let’s face it, receptivity takes profound courage. It asks us to let go of control. To open ourselves to being seen, supported, and affected by life in ways we can’t predict. Receptivity is the willingness to be changed by what meets us.
To receive means trusting that we are safe in our softness. That we don’t need to earn or control what’s meant for us. It can feel safer to stay guarded than to risk the vulnerability of allowing love, help, or abundance to truly land. It takes a quiet bravery to stay open when our old patterns want to close.
Starting with the Body
I have been observing the patterns of my own body to measure my receptivity. I have been noticing that receiving is deeply physical. It involves a bodily openness; the opposite of constriction and closure. I’ve begun noticing what happens in my body when someone offers me something; a smile, a plate of food, a helping hand. Do I open or contract? Do I accept, or do I subtly deflect?
I’m reminding myself what receptivity feels like. It’s in the warmth of sunlight on skin, the way the breath expands when we allow ourselves to rest, feeling loved. Sometimes, receiving feels uncomfortable. But I’m learning that this discomfort is simply the body unlearning its old defenses; the ones that once kept love out in the name of safety. As I remind myself that I am safe, my ring of receptivity grows wider and wider.
Softening the Heart
Receptivity asks us to let feelings move through rather than hold them at bay. Many of us learned to numb or contain emotion as a form of control — to stay composed. Yet emotion is how life communicates with us; it’s our inner guidance system. And emotion moves us.
To receive emotionally is to allow emotion to be fully felt: tenderness, joy, gratitude, or even sadness, fear and anger. To let it touch us fully, without analyzing or pushing it away. When we let ourselves feel the love in a kind word or the grief of something lost, we become aware of life’s richness. I have found that emotional receptivity doesn’t weaken us; it strengthens us and ultimately deepens our life experience.
Releasing the Grip of Control
Receptiveness in the mind means I have to loosen my insistence on knowing, predicting, and managing outcomes. It’s easy to mistake control for safety and to believe that if we can just figure it all out, we’ll be okay. But the mind’s need to control often blocks the unexpected ways life wants to surprise us.
Mental receptivity is a practice in trust: allowing space for not knowing, for mystery, for new ideas and perspectives to emerge. It’s the courage to listen rather than fix, to wonder rather than decide, to believe that what’s unfolding may actually be better than what we had planned.
Perhaps the easiest way to access this is to just start with curiosity.
A Holiday Invitation
Let’s explore a new kind of giving this holiday — one that begins with letting ourselves be loved.
Let’s remember:
• Receiving someone’s care doesn’t make us selfish.
• Letting things come to us doesn’t make us lazy.
• Rest is not just a reward.
• We don’t have to hold everything alone.
• Allowing support is a form of self-care.
• The more we receive, the more we have to give.
May we remember that receiving is not the opposite of giving — it’s what completes it. Every time we soften and say yes to what’s offered, we create space for connection, balance, and grace.
This season, let’s allow the gifts already on their way to find us — and when they do, let’s have the courage to open our hands, our hearts, and our lives wide enough to receive them.
Joy Dettling of Ignite Life specializes in helping individuals release unseen stuck stress patterns and embody their true potential. To find out more, visit ignitelife.net or contact joy@ignitelife.net.
Being a woman feels like being the drunk game show host of life. Sequins slipping off one shoulder, makeup smudged, mic in one hand, prize wheel in the other. You are shouting rules no one listens to, tossing out snacks to keep contestants pacified, while the audience of kids, bosses, spouses, PTA, utility companies, and doctors scream instructions and complaints. Something is definitely on fire.
And somehow, you are supposed to keep the whole spectacle entertaining, profitable, and inspiring. You are also expected to moisturize, smile, and look like you rehearsed for this unpaid role. Spoiler: you did not rehearse. You were shoved on stage and told to wing it. So you grit your teeth, smear on lipstick, spin the wheel, and make it all look effortless. But in my chair, the show goes quiet.
I am a cosmetologist, which is a fancy word for professional listener, therapist without a license, and guardian of secrets that would make reality TV producers weep with joy. The cape settles, the madness softens, and the walls come
down. That is when the whispers start, not small talk but raw confessions that carry a woman’s entire heart:
“I don’t know if my marriage is going to make it.”
“I feel invisible at work.”
“Sometimes I fantasize about checking into a hotel and sleeping for three straight days.”
“I love my kids, but I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
These are not complaints. They are confessions. They are prayers spoken through exhaustion.
And here is the truth: the shampoo bowl in my salon has absorbed more tears than my phone’s notes app at midnight which already reads like a tragic novella. Silent tears sliding down while the conditioner soaks through tangled hair. Sudden sobs that surprise even the person crying. Grief over lost parents, broken marriages, dying dreams, or just the unbearable weight of carrying it all. If those ceramic sinks could talk, they would tell the truest history of women in this country.
And then, just as quickly, the laughter
breaks through. The absurd kind. The kind that erupts while you are still blotting your eyes, right as the hair color timer beeps. A client once confessed the darkest thing she had ever faced, and thirty seconds later we were laughing so hard about her Tinder disaster that I had to set the blow dryer down. That is the duality. We weep like the world is ending, then laugh until we snort, all while foils poke out of our heads like futuristic baked potatoes.
That is womanhood in its most honest form: grief and hilarity, tenderness and profanity, exhaustion and audacity. We are expected to carry impossible loads and still show up looking pulled together. Most of us do, though it usually requires caffeine, dry shampoo, and a resilience Costco could sell by the pallet.
Here is what I see every day in my chair: women are not failing. They are improvising. They are patching holes in the boat while still rowing it forward. They are running households, businesses, and emotional support centers disguised as kitchens, offices, and carpool lines. They are navigating hot flashes during board
meetings, nursing babies while answering emails, cooking dinner while on hold with insurance companies. That is not failing. That is pure genius disguised as everyday life.
But we rarely view ourselves that way. We think of ourselves as background characters, the ones making life happen for everyone else. We are the ones finding the soccer cleats, paying the bills, folding the laundry, holding hands in hospice, buying birthday cakes, remembering birthdays, sending flowers, curating a life for our children or our partners and carrying it all again and again.
Most days it is thankless. No one claps when you keep the household alive, fed, and semi-functional. There are no trophies for “Most Rescheduled Doctor’s Appointment” or “Best Laundry Hag.” At best, we just want to be loved in return. To matter. To make a difference.
The truth is, most of the time, when we are alone, we feel like we are drowning. But when we gather, even just two of us, the drowning shifts. We laugh about the impossible. We compare notes. We hold space. We share recipes that may or may not change our lives and argue about the best mascara. We remind each other that we are not crazy, we are just carrying more than is humanly reasonable. More than our nervous systems were ever designed to bear.
That is why I believe in the magic of gathering. Not the Instagram kind, with curated charcuterie boards and matching outfits. I mean the messy kitchen table
gatherings. The “please don’t clean your house before I come” gatherings. The “say it here, no shame” gatherings. These are the places where truth finally feels lighter because it has been spoken aloud. Where shame melts. Where the show pauses. Where women remind each other that we can set the prize wheel down and stop spinning for everyone else. When that happens, something divine enters the room.
I am a married, menopausal mother of two and stepmother to two more. I know what it means to reinvent yourself. I know what it feels like to walk through fire and come out broken and remade. Divorce, illness, parenting, step-parenting, body changes, financial pressure, it all leaves its mark.
For years, I believed strength meant carrying it all alone. But the older I get, the more I see that true strength is letting others carry you too. There is power in saying, “I cannot do this by myself.” There is deeper strength in asking for help and receiving it without shame. Community is the antidote to the isolation women are shoved into.
Life is not either or. It is always both and. You can be deeply grateful for your family and still fantasize about running away. You can succeed at work and still feel unseen. You can love your children with your entire being and still want them to stop saying your name every five seconds. You can cry like the world is ending and laugh two minutes later like nothing happened. That is not hypocrisy. That is humanity.
When I look at the women in my life, my daughters, my mentors, my mother, my grandmother, my friends, my clients, I see the truth. They are gifts. They are proof that we matter to each other in ways far beyond the roles we perform. We were never meant to be flawless, sober game show hosts running life like a slick production. We were always meant to be messy, audacious humans who need each other. We NEED each other.
And here is the thing, in a culture that screams women are never enough, the radical truth is that you already are. Exactly as you are. Sequins slipping, makeup smudged, mic feedback screeching, wheel wobbling, audience yelling. In the exhaustion. In the absurdity. In the laughter that saves you. In the kitchen table moments.
You are not just spinning the wheel.
You are the prize. You are the gift. You are the present.
In Diary of a Hairapist, Jamie MacNeill explores the sacred absurdity of modern womanhood, from the tangles in our hair to the tangles in our hearts. It’s wit with wisdom, scissors with soul, and proof that beauty and truth often come from the same messy place. Instagram: @jamiemacneill, Facebook: Jamie MacNeill
Unless you’ve living under a rock, you’ve been hearing all the chatter recently about menopause. Finally, women are getting the attention and spotlight that they deserve.
For decades, women have been suffering in the dark while struggling through this hormonal decline. And we finally have doctors and researchers that are shining the light on this whole-body transition that all women will endure during their life.
So what is menopause? Menopause is quite literally a one-day event. It is defined as 365 days without a menstrual cycle. When you reach one entire year without a period, you are officially in menopause. The next day, you are then considered being post-menopausal. But what about the years leading up to menopause? This period of transition is called perimenopause. And this is where my story starts.
For the past 15+ years I have been working with women throughout all stages of pregnancy, including infertility, as a holistic practitioner. Until recently, I felt very compelled to focus my work within the fertility space and had great success with my clients. I had also worked with women here and there within their menopause years, but never felt the urge to work with menopause clients as I did with fertility clients.
Then I hit 40. I probably don’t have to go into much detail on this if you’re a woman over 40. What is it about that age that seems to cause a spiral for us? Is it just in our head? Or is it hormones?
For me, it was a combination of a few things, but mostly it was years and years
Is It Menopause?
of caring about everybody else’s needs before my own. I am a wife and a mom, so it goes without saying that there are needs to be attended to on a daily basis, and unfortunately, I was guilty of putting myself on the back burner.
I spent years talking to my clients about doing the opposite of what I was doing to myself, but sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
Thankfully I had access to the resources to do the testing needed and get myself back on track. Throughout the process of working on my own healing, I was helping other women during their perimenopause transition as well.
I was able to see similar trends between my own health struggles and the other women, and was able to develop protocols to build a healthy foundation that women desperately need during this time. What was it that I found?
and immune system. Our sex hormones have acted as a buffer and protected us for many years, but as they start to decline, we also have to make changes to account for this.
Does our metabolism just give up and leave us fending for ourselves? No, but we do have to make changes to our diet and lifestyle, as what worked in our 20s is no longer serving us.
First off, we absolutely have to get our stress under control. This doesn’t just mean our psychological stress, but physical and chemical stressors as well.
Before the eye roll, let me explain. As our ovaries decide to slow down and sex hormone production decreases, our body’s ability to handle stress will also change. This may mean changing up workout programs, as this is a physical stress on our body. Or reducing our exposure to toxins (specifically xenoestrogens) in our environment because of the burden this has upon our liver and detoxification.
Of course, the emotional stress that is a constant damper to our entire endocrine
Another important factor that needs to be addressed is our metabolic health. For any woman that is over 40, she will truly understand this to her core…literally. One of the first complaints that women have as their hormones start to shift during perimenopause is that they notice belly fat that seems to have come out of nowhere. This can be so incredibly frustrating, as I often hear from clients that it seemed to have come on overnight, despite no changes to diet. The diet and lifestyle that we had in our 20s and early 30s, will no longer cut it once we enter perimenopause.
But why is this?
One of the underlying reasons behind this metabolic change is that we lose about 3-8% of our muscle mass per decade after age 30. This may seem minor, but our muscle is metabolically active tissue. Meaning, the more lean muscle mass that we have, the higher our metabolic rate will be. This is especially important as we enter menopause, because lean muscle can also support our bone health.
Another underlying factor that impacts our metabolic health during this hormonal transition is our glucose and insulin handling. Our sex hormones were also a buffer to our glucose and insulin
response. When these hormones start to decline, we naturally become more insulin resistant. What does this mean exactly? In simple terms, this means that we no longer process carbohydrates and sugars as well as we had in the past. This doesn’t mean that we can no longer eat any type of sugar or carbohydrate, but we have to be smarter with our food intake moving forward.
Thankfully, when making simple shifts to our diet and lifestyle, we can transition through menopause much more smoothly than previously taught. Some women do well with incorporating herbal protocols to help support the natural fluctuations of hormones during this time, as others may utilize HRT (hormone replacement therapy) to fill in the gaps where our endogenous hormones once occupied.
There are many strategies that women are trying so that they can ‘feel like themselves again’. At the end of the day, we are not the same person that we were before menopause. Our entire body, including our brain, has gone through a remodeling process, and supporting this new version of yourself doesn’t have to be as complicated as we once thought. Once we learn to embrace the changes that our body gives us and understand that this is a normal physiological process, things will become easier and we will begin our upgrade on many levels.
Dr. Melissa Vandermissen is a Chiropractor and Certified Functional Medicine Practitioner, as well as a wife and a mom. She operates a fully virtual clinic, where she works with women from preconception through menopause. Dr. Melissa utilizes the best of science and nature to formulate personalized protocols for her clients so they can live out their full potential. You can follow her on Instagram at drmelissavandermissen or at thedrmelissa.com.
One warm, sunny morning in midSeptember, I was sitting outside on my backyard patio. Two playful squirrels were busy chasing each other around the yard and a little chipmunk was happily stuffing his cheeks with the seeds that had accumulated on the ground under the birdfeeders.
My giant hibiscus bush was in full bloom, and the hummingbirds were sipping nectar from the flowers I had planted around the bush. I felt very grateful that I had set my intention and taken the time during spring to create such a lovely backyard.
As I was enjoying the peace and tranquility of this setting, I became curious. I began wondering what topic would be fun to write about for my next article.
Suddenly, I found myself blessed by a mother Finch and her three little babies, who had conveniently landed
on my patio, 6 feet away from me. The babies weren’t quite strong enough to land on the birdfeeder, so mama began showing them how to locate and pick up the birdseed from the ground. One little baby Finch stuck to her mama like glue, making sure she was always only a few inches away from her. This baby was chirping very loudly and constantly fluttering her wings. It was easy to see she intuitively knew that the “squeaky wheel gets the oil”. The other 2 finches followed mama around, but the one who received the most food was the one who was undeniably asking.
This reminded me that life is full of choices, and I can choose to silently sit on the sidelines and watch life go by, or I can take advantage of the present moment and begin asking for help just like the little baby Finch had done.
An eye-opening awareness I’ve had about the Law of Attraction is that it
works exclusively in the “now”. This is why I purposely chose to immerse myself in the beauty of the present moment on my patio.
I’ve found that when I’m resonating with Mother Nature, my creativity comes to life and new ideas flow easily and effortlessly into my mind. As I basked in the pleasure of watching these little birds, lo and behold, the idea for my article arrived. I’ve received help like this so many times over the past 20 years that I now know in my heart that the best time for me to ask for help from the Universe/God/Source Energy is when I have immersed myself in the present moment.
Watching the scenario with the baby finch, reminded me of how many times I have felt alone and been hungry for the answers to my endless questions about my many lifelong challenges.
These challenges predominantly
centered around my repetitive experiences with abusive relationships and my addiction to over-eating. Today I no longer turn to food for comfort, and thanks to the LoA I have been happily married for 18 years.
This didn’t happen overnight. Since my thoughts create my reality, I first had to become curious about what I have been habitually thinking (consciously or subconsciously) and what my current beliefs were.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when it comes to the LoA curiosity is a very good thing. Curiosity starts our wheels spinning (you know, that “squeaky wheel” idea). It causes us to ask questions, and it inspires us to search for answers.
After I learned how to meditate and tune into the present moment, the self-defeating habits I had developed began to dissipate and gratefully,
my habitual life of stress and worry disappeared. My story about this journey can be found here: http:// steppingintoalifeofjoy.com.
Now that the holiday season is upon us, I find myself curious again. I’m curious to know if any of you have ever received a holiday gift that you put into your “donation pile” as soon as the holidays were over? Let’s get curious together. Is it possible that this year someone might surprise you and give you the perfect present?
Guess what? There’s no need for you to wait and wonder any longer because YOU are the one who creates your own reality. There’s no better time than the present, so I now invite you to let go of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season and set aside 10+ minutes once a day, just for you.
Find a place where you won’t be disturbed. Make it feel so comfortable
that you look forward to being there, alone with yourself. Begin to breathe deeply and sit quietly. You too may discover, just like I did, that basking in the peace and calmness of the moment is the perfect present you can give yourself. It gives you the priceless opportunity to discover that, voilà…. YOU are the Present you’ve always been searching for.
Suzanne Young is an intuitive life coach who specializes in the Law of Attraction. She is also an inspirational speaker, author, and co-owner of Personal Success Programs, since 2007, with her husband Kevin Young.You can email her at suzanne@psprograms.com and their website is www.psprograms.com.
“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
When we slow down long enough to truly listen, our undivided attention says, “You matter”.
I once lived on the second floor of an apartment building, while Marie, an elderly woman in her eighties, resided in the apartment below. Shortly after I moved in, Marie introduced herself to me. She was spry, friendly, and articulate and I looked forward to getting to know her better. Yet, besides exchanging occasional pleasantries in the lobby and delivering homemade cookies once or twice, I never made the time to do so.
I had what seemed like good excuses: a new business, volunteer work, networking events, community theatre, speaking engagements, family time, and dating. But the truth is, I simply didn’t make space in my busy schedule for my neighbor.
One night, I was startled awake by voices outside. Looking out the window, I saw a police car and a black hearse in the parking lot below—Marie had passed away. Sleep eluded me for the rest of the night as I mourned her passing and grappled with the painful
realization that I had never truly gotten to know her—and now, I never would.
With a heavy heart and lingering regret, I attended her memorial service. It was there that I finally got to know her— albeit posthumously.
The chapters of her life unfolded before me through the photographs on display: the impish child, the feisty teen, the fun-loving friend, the idealistic teacher, the radiant bride, the new mother, the wise matriarch. I met her family and friends and listened to their stories, each painting a vivid picture of the remarkable woman she was.
Realizing I had missed the gift of knowing her, I set an intention to choose differently the next time life offered me the chance to truly know someone.
Not long after, life gave me that opportunity. Just two days after moving into my new home, amid the chaos of settling in, there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find a gracious woman standing on my porch holding a wicker basket and an insulated carafe. With a big smile, she said, “Hi! Welcome
to the neighborhood! I’m your neighbor, Mickey.”
Her kindness touched me deeply. Though I would have preferred to have my house in order before entertaining anyone, I remembered my quiet resolve and invited her in. Through the maze of boxes and bubble wrap, I led her to the dining table, clearing just enough space for the two of us to sit. Over hot tea and freshly baked muffins she had thoughtfully brought as a welcome gift, we began to get to know one another.
Despite a 26-year age difference, we quickly discovered our shared loves—organic gardening, cooking from scratch, growing flowers, drying herbs, and painting. That was 20 years ago. Since then, our relationship has blossomed. Today, I lovingly refer to her as my “Pseudo-Mama,” and she jokingly calls me her “Daughter Without Baggage.”
One evening not long ago, as I was heading out to run errands, I tucked the extra crockpot I’d set aside for Mickey’s granddaughter into my car. I had planned a quick drop-off, but when I pulled into her driveway, I paused.
Remembering my commitment to be fully present, I turned off the engine, left my phone behind, and gave my full attention to the moment at hand.
Her husband met me at the door. Hearing my voice, Mickey called out for me to come in and have a seat. As we began to chat, it became clear she wasn’t her usual upbeat self. A recent injury had made it difficult to get around, keeping her from spending time in her beloved garden.
I listened with compassion, letting her know she was heard and cared for. Gradually, her tears dried, her frustration eased, and her smile returned. Our conversation turned to new recipes, garden harvests, painting projects, and the upcoming library presentation we planned to attend— interspersed with laughter and lighthearted jokes along the way.
Her husband, who had been quietly tidying the kitchen, stepped into the room and said softly, “It’s so good to have you here. I haven’t heard her laugh all day.”
I never did run those errands. They waited for me. But the chance to be there for my friend in her time of need would not have.
That visit reminded me that presence is one of life’s most profound gifts. When we slow down long enough to truly listen—to share laughter, tears, and quiet understanding—our undivided attention says, you matter.
And in that sacred exchange, we awaken again to what life keeps whispering to us: the present moment is the real gift. May we all learn to unwrap it with grace, gratitude, and love for the souls who share this journey with us.
Colleen Kilpatrick is the Author of “Eliminate What You Tolerate”, a concise, but mighty book that has earned a 5-star rating on Amazon for helping readers identify and release what no longer serves them and make room for what lights them up. A Wellbeing Mentor, Colleen helps women discover the transformative powers of ancient and modern wisdom and selfcare practices to revitalize body, mind, and spirit naturally. You can contact Colleen at colleen@ colleenkilpatrick@icloud.com or 248-762-9828
Sparkle & Shine
Yes, my dear, you are. Perhaps you don’t see how that could be, but I am almost certain there are people in your life who truly love you and cherish you. They might even say that your being in their world is a gift. So how can you begin to see yourself as the treasure you really are?
I used to think that “positivity thinking” was just another money maker. Then one day I decided that I had believed lies about myself long enough. It was time to begin “proclaiming truth” (my way of saying positive things). Lo and behold, if I didn’t begin to believe those truths! It literally changed my whole self-concept. Our brains are very, very powerful. What we believe will dictate our behavior. For example, let’s just say that I believe I’m purple. So then I will shy away from certain things because I believe that no one will like me, or hire me, or give me opportunities, because I am purple. I believe people will make fun of me, or look down on me, or criticize me, because I am purple. I might tell myself, “I couldn’t do that, because I’m purple”, or “No one would want me, because I’m purple.”
I believe lies about myself and will live in fear of others’ opinions, and these will influence everything that I do. Now, think of the negative things you believe about yourself that hold you back from living your best, authentic life, and insert them in the example above. (“They won’t be my friend because I’m not smart enough.” “I can’t apply for that job because I’m too fat.” “I can never have that because I’ll always be poor.” “I will always be alone because I don’t deserve love.”)
Everything has an energetic vibration, including our thoughts, and what we
focus on we will create more of. If we constantly focus on negative thoughts about ourselves (or anything else for that matter) we will actually create more negative energy in our life. Why? Because similar energies are drawn to each other. (Google it—it’s crazy!)
So how can we stop the negative spiral downward? Start using affirmations and speaking truth!
When we consistently think, read, or say affirming things about ourselves, our brain begins to change.
It’s not magic; neither is it just hoping that these things are true. Affirmations like “I deserve good things, I am loveable, I am worthy, I am enough” are TRUTH! They aren’t just “hope-for” statements. Every single human can claim these— even when their situations aren’t ideal. Try it. Pick a few (or many) positive statements for yourself. Write them on post-it notes. Put them on your mirror, your car dash, your back door, your refrigerator.
As you read them daily you will feel belief rise within you. You will become stronger and more confident. You will begin to believe in yourself and your ability. And here is the really precious part. You will actually like yourself better. And you might even begin to realize the gift you are to our world!
Mimi Matthews is in the “encouragement business” as the owner of Empowordment Cards by Mimi. She is also a speaker, workshop leader, writer, and our editor. Visit her shop at www.etsy.com/ shop/EmPOWordmentCards and her blog at www. particularpassions.me.
A mindful love affair…she thought it was with a lover, but discovered it was with herself.
You know how it is when you’re first falling in love? You sit on the edge of your seat tuned into every word they say; You read their text, or maybe if you’re lucky enough, their handwritten love letters, over and over again, taking in every detail.
You clear your schedule, blow off your girlfriends, get a manicure and a pedicure and everything else in between, you know what I mean. Suddenly, you’re a little bit more interested in football or cars or sci-fi.
You’ve even seen it happen to your friends and you let them get away with it because you completely know what they are going through.
It’s called falling in love for a reason— because, if you are aren’t careful you could hit rock bottom. Sure the fall is exhilarating. So exhilarating, in fact, that maybe you do it again and again. I know I did.
Eventually, love started to happen in a different kind of way.
A while back I attended Barnfest, a threeday-weekend event filled with various bands, in my hometown of Linden. When my friends had to leave early, I had the most amazing time by myself. I danced when I wanted to, moving between stages as I pleased. I warmed myself by the bonfire and stood in the front row, close to the band, to fulfill my hippie soul. Now, every year I purposely go alone—for me.
Little by little, I started to discover what I like, who I am, and then I heard something. My voice. The one that is sometimes a whisper. I started to hear it even when it was speaking so very softly. This is the gift of being present with ones self.
As women, unfortunately, we often give our power to our husbands. But there was a time when women took care of each other and paid heed to their inner wisdom, which was, and still is, sewn into the fabric of our souls.
At some point, many of us started to believe that doctors, lawyers, accountants, and others, knew better. We lost trust in ourselves. Our modern society caused us to become out of tune with our bodies. When the whispers turned into shouts that turned into screams, we perhaps silenced the “noise” with too much eating, too much shopping or too much doing. Being still, so we could hear our inner voice, has now become so foreign to us that it is a struggle.
In 2011, my spiritual journey led me to hear a voice that couldn’t have been my own. It told me to teach Mindfulness to children, and I didn’t know what that meant. Thankfully I listened, because Meditation and Mindfulness have become the door that has led me to heal numerous aspects of myself, from anxiety to depression, TMJ, a knot in my stomach, and other maladies, physical and mental. Healing my love life, however, was a
different story. It took a near-death experience while in a relationship with a man who was so toxic he didn’t care if I became sick or even died—as long as he was having fun. I enjoyed the adrenaline as much as he did, being with him was like driving a fast car, maneuvering around curves not knowing what was ahead.
It wasn’t a car accident that nearly killed me, however, but betrayal of myself in order to keep his love. As he demanded more and more risky behavior, I tried to keep in step with him until I didn’t know who I was. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t even realize I had become a different person. Eventually, he pushed and when I wouldn’t give in, everything between us broke apart.
Looking back, there was a moment at the beginning of that relationship when he gave me a hint of the kind of person he was. I was so angry about something he said, I wanted to scream as loud as I could as it resonated with another abusive relationship I had been in, but I didn’t
Mindfulness Meditation, teaches us to observe our emotions and not necessarily act on them, a useful tool for diffusing difficult situations. In that moment, I was so proud that I mastered my emotions well enough to not react. However, despite my training as a Mindfulness coach I had failed to recognize that my anger was a warning, and that controlling emotions in the moment, is only half the battle. We need to acknowledge and discern the root of the emotion and then decide what action is in our best interest.
I knew that if I had screamed that day, the relationship would have ended. In retrospect, I realize that I was silencing the truth.
I’m thankful for that relationship because it was such a harsh wakeup call. It forced me over the next year and a half to have a love affair with myself. Today, I do not accept anything that is not truly right for me. It took time and patience and practice, but I no longer hand my power over to someone else. I listen to myself and let my voice be heard.
Trice is a Meditation Therapist, certified in Mindfulness Meditation and the Neuroscience of Meditation. Email her at Trice@presencetopupils. com for a free 20-minute consultation. www. presencetopupils.com
Ways to Give Yourself the Gift of Presence
Over the roads and throughout the county, to grandmother’s house we’ll go. The MTA knows the way through white and drifting snow...
We wish you a very happy holiday season and a peaceful and prosperous new year!
