February 29, 2012 by Jess Pendleton

THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF UT AUSTIN

FEB 22, 2012

WWW.UWEEKLYATX.COM

VOL 4 ISSUE 06

February 29, 2012

My Pinterests Include...

Websites Not to Use

Our Dream Celebrity Basketball Team

UWeekly Sits Down With the Band Holy Fiction

During Mid-Terms

sxsw fashion from frock on and cotone

P16 Photo: Elijah Watson

more men use Pinterest than women. Retailers are also quickly taking to Pinterest in order to advertise their products to users. Popular online retailers like Etsy, Hanes, Barneys New York and Aeropostale have created pins on their websites that encourage and make it even easier for users to pin products to their boards. In addition to the boost for retailers, Pinterest is also becoming a top traffic driver for women’s lifestyle, home decor and cooking magazines, some of which are seeing bigger referral numbers from the image-collecting service than from major portals like Facebook and Yahoo. The only negative impact to be seen so far is the rampant copyright infringement that has been occurring among users. Pinterest

has acknowledged the problem and made it possible for websites to block users from pinning anything from their sites. Most notably Flickr has now made it to where images that are copyrighted or otherwise protected will now deliver a pop-up that says “this site doesn’t allow pinning” when a Pinterest user tries to pin them. Despite its recent success, social media gurus have yet to determine whether Pinterest is just another passing fad. What was a few months ago a fringe service that few people had heard about has now suddenly rocketed into the mainstream with people and organizations jumping in with both feet. Only time will tell if Pinterest will be the next Twitter or a flop like Myspace. Karissa Rodriguez

“I can spend hours pinning and re-pinning all sorts of things on an average night without even realizing how much time passed by. Pinning really is addicting.”

Digital crack for women

New social media site bursts onto scene, attracts millions of women The next big thing in social media has been exploding in popularity over the past few weeks. Pinterest, a pinboard-styled social photo-sharing website, now has over 10.4 million registered users, 9 million monthly Facebook-connected users, and 2 million daily Facebook users, according to Inside Network’s AppData tracking service. Pinterest has been filling a gap in our social media needs that no one knew we needed. What is essentially an online pinboard, Pinterest is rising in popularity with women who make up 97 percent of its users, according to AppData. Facebook is for communicating with friends and family, Twitter is for reading and sharing news, and now Pinterest has emerged allowing users to share the things they like with other users. Pinterest is simple to use. Users install a bookmark on their internet browser’s toolbar entitled “Pin It” and every time they are online and find something they think is interesting, perhaps a recipe, they click “Pin It” and instantly share that recipe with their followers on Pinterest. Furthermore, users are able to create specific boards on their profiles to categorize what they pin. With its rise in popularity, Pinterest has become part of everyday vocabulary and women have even posted about their

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

addiction to the site. One Washington Post writer even described the service as “crack for women.” “I love Pinterest,” said Austin Community College student Jessica Fritz. “I can spend hours pinning and re-pinning all sorts of things on an average night without even realizing how much time passed by. Pinning really is addicting.” Fritz says she uses Pinterest to save recipes that she wants to try and home decor that she would like to incorporate in her own apartment. “I really love that it’s so easy to discover what other people like and get ideas for stuff that I didn’t know existed,” said Fritz. At the start of 2012 the daily user count was just 810,000, but now it’s at 2 million according to AppData. In February, comScore said Pinterest hit 10 million U.S. monthly unique visitors faster than any independent site in history. With its popularity among women, most pins on Pinterest are about recipes, wedding ideas, home decor and fashion. However, one of the biggest complaints among users is that there are not enough men who use the social media site. In the United States only 2.1 percent of men use Pinterest. However, in the United Kingdom, where there are significantly less users compared to the United States,

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

be late as you might miss the glamour of the red carpet experience. Yes, there will actually be a red carpet there as well as a couple of hot Wilhelmina models and Aston Martins to greet guests. The non-profit organization, which focuses on performing and visual arts, is an accredited school that concentrates on prepping students not only to go to college but to also cultivate their talent at fine art. “Creativity is the key to a lot of successful business,” said ASPVA director and founder Carol de Cardenas. “We forget that art is everywhere.” Cardenas goes on to explain that the fashion show is a showcase of the students’ best work in conjunction with help from industry professionals. “It gives them a chance to work collaboratively with another industry,” said de Cardenas, as theatre and music professionals

from New York are involved in the production and presentation of this year’s event. But glitz and glamour is not all there is to experience at this high-brow event. There will also be a silent auction, musical performances and swanky after-party at the W—one of Austin’s up and coming hot-spots— as well as celebrity host Patricia Vonne. Yet, in all the excitement and flashing lights, we musn’t forget that it’s all for a good cause. “All the proceeds go to the ASPVA’s scholarship fund,” said de Cardenas, in order to help graduates of the ASPVA program afford to go to college as well as help them excel in their chosen field. “We are prepping them for college,” said de Cardenas. “The ASPVA is for students who are serious about becoming the best in their field.” The Long Center, Friday, March 2, 8:30 PM Amanda Chappel

“Yes, there will actually be a red carpet there as well as a couple of hot Wilhelmina models and Aston Martins to greet guests.”

The black ties, the runway models, the flashing lights: it can all be addicting. But for those of you who think that the boob-tube is as close as you’re ever going to get to New York’s Fashion Week, think again. Thanks to the Austin School of Performing and Visual Arts you won’t have to turn on the TV or jet off

to New York to enjoy a full-scale fashion show. If you adore Rachel Zoe or were hooked on “Kell on Earth,” here’s your chance to shine. Put on your best dress or most fashion-forward garb and head down to the Long Center this Friday, March 2, for the exclusive show, “The Art of Fashion.” Don’t

Your Facebook Timeline is not that interesting

Websites to avoid while studying for midterms Nobody likes studying. It’s relentless, tedious, and boring. It’s an unfortunate task that every student must complete in order to get ready for midterms. It’s also really difficult if you’ve got twenty different websites luring you in with more interesting stories than your textbook. This is how procrastination starts. We’ve all procrastinated and seen the results of what happens, but like monkeys we feel that this time will be different. In order to really focus, here’s a good list of websites to completely avoid.

Facebook/Myspace/Twitter Stop trying to get comments and posts on your wall by updating your status every five seconds. Nobody stalks you that often. If you do that on Twitter, your followers will abandon you. You’ll have nothing left but the graveyard known as Myspace.

Reddit/Digg/Tumblr I know these are completely different communities, but is posting pictures of your kitty really more important than a midterm that’s 25% of your grade? These sites are like black holes with endless links that are just waiting for your click.

The Oatmeal/XKCD/ Cyanide and Happiness Comic sites are a delight, especially if you’ve missed a few days. You’ll probably

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

even see one about how you shouldn’t be procrastinating. The internet is mocking you.

that puppy and kitten videos are actually a part of a secret militia meant to destroy your valuable time.

First your inbox, next your room, then your kitchen, and so on and so forth.

Hulu/Netflix

Ways to help

You remember that recommendation for the foreign drama that keeps popping up? Why don’t you use that as a reward for studying after a couple hours. (You know you weren’t really that interested in those recommendations anyway.)

If you feel like these sites are way too tempting, you can try using apps on your computer like Self Control or StayFocusd. Self Control is an app for Mac that gives you an allotted amount of time to spend on a website before blocking you off completely. It’s so hardcore, it won’t let you get back on for the entire day. StayFocusd is the same thing but for Windows as an addon for Google Chrome, a browser we here at UWeekly highly recommend. If you don’t like any of these options, you can always go to minutesplease.com or keepmeout.com. Minutes Please is a site that will track how much time you spend on a website. Once the timer counts to zero, it will close the window of the page you’re looking at. Keep Me Out does the same thing, except it tells you that you can wait a few minutes before coming back. You can use these sites as motivation or as a quick break. If you’ve studied for a good two or three hours then you’ve definitely earned your break. Going back into studying mode will be difficult, but it’ll pay off once the midterm is over. Then you’ve got Spring Break to look forward to! Celine Suarez

I should tell you that puppy and kitten videos are actually a part of a secret militia meant to destroy your valuable time.

The Huffington Post/Fark Really any kind of news site is something you should stay away from. They’ve always got recommendations on what story you should read next. From there it’s another black hole of endless links.

College Humor/ Funny or Die Satiric humor is just so much better when there’s not that nagging person in the back of your head telling you to get back to work.

Youtube I promise you, David will still be drugged up from the dentist when you come back. I should tell you

Email So maybe your inbox has 214 new emails. Yes this means you need to clean your inbox, but that’s how spring cleaning starts.

Vespa vs Harley Who will take the cake? Like anybody who’s seen an episode of “Sons of Anarchy” or who knows anything about biker gangs, you might get images in your head of older, tough guys in leather vests sitting on Harleys and looking for a fight. But the image of traditional roughand-tumble bikers might be fading faster than we realize; or, at least, morphing into a more accepting, jovial bunch. That metamorphosis is evidenced by the upcoming Rockers vs. Mods event, which is the first ever in Austin. The event is a biker rally in its own class. Different than the Rot Rally that Austinites are used to (in which South Congress and other parts of central Austin are overtaken by steely black bikes, head bandanas and fingerless leather gloves), this event is meant to bring bikers of all walks together. Essentially, it aims to bring new-school riders and old-school greasers together through the love of twowheel transportation. Who are the new-school bikers, you ask? They are the hipsters on Vespas. They are the college kid going forty with a bag of groceries from Whole Foods tied to their rack. They are the young, creative professional in a tie and skinny jeans puttering down the road on their way to their graphic design job. Who are the greasers? They are the older, tough guys in leather vests sitting on Harleys and who may or may not be looking for a fight. What do these two have in common? Bikes.

said Martin. Bike shops, that is. As a seasoned rider, Martin is eager to bring his love of good rides and indie local bike shops together.

“100% of registration fees will go to Austin Pets Alive!, 100% of raffle fees will go to Austin Pets Alive!, 100% of donations will go to Austin Pets Alive!” To organizer Jeremiah Martin and his other biker friends the event is about “creating a community” of bikers, whether they are on a tricked-out Vespa or one of those new fancy trikes. Although similar events have been held in Dallas and Houston, this event is in its inaugural year. “We’re going to be riding, going to new shops,”

The event will be a three-day course where bikers will coast through the scenic and city streets of Austin while exploring and enjoying bike shops, music, food and raffle prizes. But that’s not all! The best part of the event is that the proceeds will go to benefit Austin’s darling animal shelter, Austin Pets Alive!

Good Deeds

“100% of registration fees will go to Austin Pets Alive!, 100% of raffle fees will go to Austin Pets Alive!, 100% of donations will go to Austin Pets Alive!” said Martin. Martin was thankful to have help putting this event together, as it was a last-minute decision. “A lot of people have kicked in to help,” said Martin. Although Martin and his buddies “talked about it for years,” he’s glad it all came together quickly when he finally decided to go for it. So if you or someone you know has a Vespa, Harley or any other motorized twowheeler, tell them to join in, sit back and enjoy the ride. March 2-4: Register @ Doc’s Motorworks (March 2, 5-8 PM) Or online at eventbrite.com/ event/2698343819 Amanda Chappel UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

Meet us Patio Meet us at at The The Local Local Pub Pub & & Patio every Friday Friday at at 5:00pm 4:00pm (2610 Guadalupe) Every (2610 Guadalupe) and yourself! and introduce introduce yourself!

Events on or around campus

Publisher Michael Huereque

Wednesday, Feb. 29

16mm

Men’s Basketball

February 29 Everyone’s favorite Visual Arts Center is hosting a special screening of four films shot in the now-ancient medium of 16mm film. No one knows which films will be screened. It’s a surprise. Art Building (ART) 1.102, 6:30-8:30 PM

Oklahoma, Austin, TX, 8 PM

Softball Texas State, Austin, TX, 5:30 PM

Softball Texas State, Austin, TX, 8 PM

A career in health care

Thursday, March 1 Longhorn Foundation Houston Longhorn Club, Houston, TX, 6 PM

Men’s Swim & Dive American Short Course Championships, Austin

Women’s Swim & Dive All-American Invitational, Austin, TX, all day

Friday, March 2 Baseball Rice, Houston, TX, 7 PM

Softball Sam Houston State, Austin, TX, 5 PM

Longhorn Foundation Corpus Christi Longhorn Club, Corpus Christi, 11:30 AM

Longhorn Foundation Houston Longhorn Club, Houston, TX, 4 PM

Women’s Tennis Northwestern, Austin, TX, 6 PM

Women’s Track

Men & Women’s Track Last Chance Meets, Arkansas/Iowa State/Notre Dame, TBA

Women’s Rowing Heart of Texas, Austin, TX (Lady Bird Lake), all day

Women’s Golf Darius Rucker Intercollegiate, Columbia, SC, all day

Women’s Swim & Dive All-American Invitational, Austin, TX, all day

Men’s Swim & Dive American Short Course Championships, Austin, TX, all day

Sunday, March 4

February 29 If you’re studying the hard sciences or desire a career in the field of health care, here’s your chance to begin climbing the health care social ladder. Come meet, rub elbows and schmooze with those who are more successful than you as they dole out admissions information about top health care schools in the country. Royal Stadium, Red McComb Zone, Gate 16, 8th floor, 10 AM-3 PM

Spiritual freedom March 1 Those professors of yours really have to try and keep their zen when grading your papers. You all annoy them so much that they just have to have a spiritual practice in order to keep them sane. They’re so sure their methods work that they’ve compiled them into a book. Come celebrate their meditative accomplishments at this book signing. Hill House (2104 Nueces), 5-7 PM

Last Chance Meets, Arkansas/Iowa State/Notre Dame, TBA

Women’s Basketball

Hip vs. Cool

Men’s Swim & Dive

Texas A&M, Austin, TX, 12 PM

Baseball

March 2 Do you consider yourself more hip (not the same as hipster) or cool? Well now you can settle the difference. The American Studies Graduate Student Events will be hosting Dr. Joel Dinerstein as this boring old geezer lectures you on how to up your pop culture status. Burdine Hall 436A, 3-5 PM

American Short Course Championships, Austin

Women’s Swim & Dive All-American Invitational, Austin, TX, all day

Men’s Track Last Chance Meets, Arkansas/Iowa State/Notre Dame, TBA

Women’s Golf Darius Rucker Intercollegiate, Columbia, SC, all day

Saturday, March 3 Men’s Basketball

Arkansas, Houston, TX, 11 AM

Softball Sam Houston State, Austin, TX, 2 PM

Men’s Tennis TCU, Austin, TX, 2 PM

Women’s Golf Darius Rucker Intercollegiate, Columbia, SC, all day

Tuesday, March 6 Baseball

Kansas, Lawrence, KS, 8 PM

Dallas Baptist, Austin, TX, 4 PM

Baseball

Softball

Tennessee, Houston, TX, 3:30 PM

Softball Sam Houston State, Austin, TX, 1:30 PM

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

Texas Tech, Austin, TX, 8 PM

BRIAN BOGART

Account Executives Nick Lorges Emily Faeth Art Director Jessica Caraway Ad Designer Terry Kennedy Editor–in–Chief Sarah Neve Copy Editor Daniel J. Frimpter Campus Writers Amanda Chappel Luke Winkie Sports Writers Brian Bogart Entertainment Writers William M. Bass Sarah Vasquez Karissa Rodriguez Brett Thorne Elijah Watson Arryn Zech Circulation Jeremy Tooker CONTACT uweeklyatx.com michael@uweeklyaustin.com facebook.com/uweeklyaustin PUBLISHER Highbrow LLC ABOUT UWeekly Austin

I am woman, hear me roar! March 7 Calling all Hillary wannabes! For all those of you who think Avery from 30 Rock should be you, be sure to fill out the application to the Inspire program for young women leaders. It’s a three-year program, so be sure to have your shit together before you fill it out. Who knows, maybe it will be you on trial one day for sleeping with your foxy presidential assistant. Gebauer Building (GEB) 4th Floor, 11 AM-2 PM Amanda Chappel

UWeekly Austin is an independent publication and is not affiliated with the University of Texas at Austin. One free copy per person. Additional copies may be picked up at our office for .50 each. Opinions expressed are those of the writers/authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff or publishers of UWeekly. Not liable for omissions, misprints, or typographical errors. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. © Copyright 2012 Highbrow, LLC

Air It Out

Opinion Photos and Interviews by Brian Bogart

That’s what she said. What’s your favorite sport?

“My favroite sport is probably track and field cause I ran track in high school and my favorite to watch is probably football because it’s fun to watch and be in the crowd and the energy.”

Dear semi-pudgy chick in tight clothes, It’s a hard thing to admit when you’ve evolved from an S to an M and from a 2 to a 4, but the truth will set you free. That shirt you’re wearing from two years ago just isn’t flattering you the way it did when you bought it. Like it or not, things change, and that includes your body mass index. Even though it’s kind of hot that I can see every part of your body without using my imagination,

SUBMIT TO AIR IT OUT! 1. Everything Anonymous – Not only are we giving you an opportunity to publicly air your grievances, we’re allowing you to hide behind the cowardly mask of anonymity to do it. So we don’t want your name. But we’re also extending that same courtesy to whomever you’re complaining about. If a wasted girl spilled food on you at Kerbey Lane, then call her “a girl.” We don’t need her name, date of birth, or UTEID. 2. Be Brief – Short and not–so–sweet is key. If you can’t say what you need in less than 250 words, than you’re rambling, not ranting. 3. Stay Specific – There’s a lot to be annoyed about on campus. We know. But please pick one issue, not seven, and avoid digressing. An open letter to whoever keeps shaving their pubes in the communal sink is good; a list of things you don’t like about living in the dorms is less so.

Alisha Patel

“I would have to say football because I like the atmosphere of being at the game with all the excitement and energy that surrounds it. Each team always has their own traditions and it’s fun to watch how quickly the game can change.”

Miranda Burris

it’s just not enough. At this point, you have only two options: buy bigger clothes or hit the gym. I think I know which one would be easier on both of us.

Respectfully, Thrift stores are your friends “I guess my favorite sport would have to be football because I love watching any team beat up on A&M .”

4. Powerful Language – At UWeekly, we write our own rules. We’re down to say a naughty word now and again. But there is a huge difference between the rare, well–placed profanity and a barely literate Youtube comment. Your critiques should be at least a little bit more cutting than “blah blah blah is a *@#&!!!” 5. To Whom It May Concern – Air It Out is publishing your open letters, so don’t forget to address them as such. Did some douche lose his lunch the last time you rode the E–Bus? Then open with “Dear Dude Who Barfed on the Bus.” And just because we’re not giving out your name doesn’t mean you can’t let him know who it’s from. Just sign it, “Sincerely, Everyone Else on the Bus.”

“Well in high school I was in cheerleadjng, I consider that a sport, so that’s my favorite sport!”

airitout@uweeklyatx.com

Paige Elberger

Christy Frink

“In terms of myself doing a sport I like dance....I like the artistic expression of it all.”

Natalie Ellis

“Baseball because it means America”

Kimberley Wilson UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

What starts here changes the gridiron UWeekly creates UT’s unofficial All-Time team

Photo: University of Texas at Austin Athletics

Good news, Longhorn fans: Having a storied and tradition-rich football program means your team is consistently graced with fantastic talent. But this is the University of Texas, dammit, and we’ve been having great talent come through our doors for the last 100 years or so. If we wanted to mix-and-match some of UT’s greatest players by position, however, who would make the cut and be on Bevo’s all-time squad? Continue reading to find out.

Whenever you become the all-time anything for a franchise that has won more Super Bowls than any other, you’re definitely doing something right. Offense

QB: Vince Young It speaks volumes about the quality of player Vince Young is when Texas has had such a phenomenal rotation of quarterbacks over

the years and yet this was such an easy choice to make. That is not a slight to former Longhorn greats like Colt McCoy, James Street, and Bobby Layne; the guy was just that good. When you watched Vince in a

Longhorn uniform, it almost seemed unfair to the other team. There were parts of the game he made look easy and it was an absolute pleasure to watch. Hell, besides being the best quarterback to ever put on a burnt orange jersey, Vince Young was probably the best player to ever suit up for the Horns. I’d gladly take Colt or Bobby any day of the week, but if I have the option of rolling with Vince Young, I know who I’m taking.

Learn about Austin's rich histor

y on our Downtown Historic 5k

We'll visit Austin's Capitol Building, the Driskill Hotel, and various other historic sites, while investigating Austin's new tech industry, green initiatives, and cutting edge architecture. Saturday 3.3.12 @ 10 a.m. - Downtown Historic 5k Sunday 3.4.12 @ 10 a.m. - Downtown Historic 5k

CityRunningTours.com/Austin

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

Check out www.cityrunningtours

.com/austin for more info.

run!

The

Highlight

Reel

I don’t know about y’all, but I personally enjoyed the hell out of that AllStar game (sans half-time show). Maybe (OK, definitely) it had something to do with the bias I feel for all things Kevin Durant and the enjoyment I felt in watching him win the game’s MVP. Maybe it had something to do with the twisted pleasure I experienced in watching the stars of the Heat strut onto the court like they owned the place only to be stomped for most of the game. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I could flip between the game and the Oscars during that terrible half-time show. (Is that really what our generation listens to? Come on guys.) No matter what it was, I sincerely had a good time watching the NBA AllStar game, and this is coming from a guy who is usually not one for those kind of spectacles.

RB: Ricky Williams RB: Earl Campbell WR: Roy Williams WR: Jordan Shipley Shipley’s story is a great one. The man spent two years getting healthy from long-sustained injuries, spent the next two years after that getting into playing shape, and then spent the two years after that shattering just about every Longhorn receiving record known to man. While Shipley’s close friendship with Colt McCoy was well-documented, there’s a reason why: They were a two-headed monster of offensive firepower that gave defenses absolute nightmares. Now that his little brother Jaxon is doing more or less the same of what Jordan did during his time on the 40 Acres, it kinda makes you wonder if it’s something in the genes.

OT: Harley Sewell OT: Bobby Wuensch OG: Justin Blalock OG: Leonard Davis C: Bill Wyman TE: Jermichael Finley Sure, he maybe never have shined as brightly for the Longhorns as he’s shined for the Green Bay Packers, but Finley’s place in Longhorn lore is your classic case of “hindsight 20/20.”

As much as I enjoyed the All-Star game, however, this year’s dunk contest SUCKED. When you have to use a cheesy, rehearsed skit with Diddy (that was essentially a drawn-out commercial for his new network), a gimmicky motorcycle stunt, and an homage to White Men Can’t Jump to pull in viewers, you know things are bad. Besides the theatrics, the dunks themselves were relatively uninspired with maybe three or four actually elicited in me some kind of excited response while all the other ones (not to mention all the do-overs in between) were met with a big, collective yawn. This year’s dunk contest just served as another lesson we already knew was true in the first place: No one is going to give a shit about the dunk contest as long as the big names don’t participate in it. OK, one last blip about the All-Star game and I’ll be done. How about that hard foul D-Wade slapped Kobe with that broke the Black Mamba’s nose? While I’m sure it wasn’t intentional (the nose breaking at least,

Even though his decision to forgo his junior and senior seasons robbed him of his most potentially productive years in a Longhorn uniform, Finley still put in more than his fair share of work for the burnt orange. Now that his resume includes “Super Bowl winner” as well these days, Finley appears to be completely hitting his stride of prime playing days in the NFL. May they be plentiful, Jermichael. Now go make them count.

Defense

DE: Brian Orakpo DE: Kiki DeAyala DT: Casey Hampton Ever wonder why the Steelers consistently seem to find themselves in the championship conversation year-in and year-out over the better part of the last decade? It’s because they have guys like Casey Hampton on their team constantly winning their battles in the trenches and paving the way for their team to win. Hampton has been such an asset to the Steelers, in fact, that he was named to their all-time team, and whenever you become the all-time anything for a franchise that has won more Super Bowls than any other, you’re definitely doing something right. Continued on Page 14

the foul clearly was intentional), I can’t think of a single time where such a hard foul was committed in an All-Star game. While it was clear both sides wanted to win, and win badly, I don’t think it should ever get to the point of players breaking the nose of the opposing team. That one little foul, however, should give new significance to the Laker’s March 4 date against the Heat coming up. I’ll have the popcorn ready. Don’t think bowling is a competitive sport? Tell that to Pete Weber. Last Sunday the dude won his fifth U.S. Open, breaking the all-time record for total U.S. Open wins and surpassing his own father, Dick Weber, who had four. While the accomplishment was certainly notable, it was Weber’s reaction to his own victory that made headlines as he almost angrily confronted the crowd following his final strike screaming “Who do you think you are?! I AM!” and even proudly displayed the double-bird for all to see. Who cares if none of it made any sense? It was

awesome to watch. Now I don’t know how they do fines in the PBA, but I think about $50 would be appropriate given the number of people that watch competitive bowling; but, then again, I’m not the expert. All I know is next time I go bowling, I’ll know exactly what to do when I hit a strike. Brian Bogart

It’s an All-Star game Brian and Luke match wits in this battle of fake celebrity basketball Brian’s Team PG: Ice Cube Question: what’s colder than an ice cube? Answer: absolutely nothing (besides just about anything that is colder than 32 degrees Fahrenheit, but that’s beside the point). Ice Cube is actually pretty well known to be a big hoops fan, even showing off his skills one time on TNT’s “Inside the NBA,” where he displayed his icy cold J. He also plays football and baseball in his spare time, so you have to figure he knows how to pass the ball and would be a natural distributor at the point guard position.

is a big hoops fan and plays pretty regularly, and given the rate that serving in the White House seems to age a person, who knows how many good playing days he has in him? All that aside, Obama is a baller and that is a fact and I would just love to see the look on the face of the guy who’s trying to guard him. Good luck trying to swat the president’s shit with the Secret Service watching nearby.

SF: John Krasinski Sure, the dude looks like a talking vagina

Sometimes you just want winners on your team; Jason Segel seems like a winner. Plus, he could probably bring some Muppets. SG: Barack Obama Oh, hell yes, Winkie, you didn’t think I’d get presidential did you? But I did! I’m calling in the big guns on this one and drafting Barack fucking Obama as a shooting guard. It’s pretty well documented that the president

sometimes. Sure, his cutesy style of acting isn’t necessarily everyone’s cup of tea, but did you see that one episode of “The Office” where they played basketball and Jim turned out to be pretty good? If the dude stands at about 6’3’’ and has a decent shot, that’s good enough

Photo: Toglenn

for me. And hey, maybe he can be a good distraction for the other team, who might think there was a talking vagina on the floor.

PF: Jason Segel What more do you want? The guy is 6’4,’’ thick as hell and would make a great team leader with his sense of humor. He even has legit basketball credentials to back it up as he played in high school for a team that won State. Sometimes you just want winners on your team, and on the court, Jason Segel seems like a winner to me. Plus, he could probably bring some Muppets to cheer for the team while he’s at it.

C: Peter Mayhew Now, while you may be thinking “who the fuck is Peter Mayhew?” I have three words for you: Chew-Bac-Ca. Yes, that is a real-life person standing in that enormous bear suit and he stands at a staggering 7’3.’’ In my younger days, I even had the pleasure of meeting Peter Mayhew at a Star Wars convention (yes, you read that right) and the dude quite literally swallowed my hand with his when I shook it. Granted, I was about six years old, but I was still able to grasp just how good of a center this guy would be. And on a side note, R2-D2 is also a real person in a suit but I think I was the one who swallowed his hand when I shook it.

Luke’s team PG: Mila Kunis Yeah that’s right, I want a 5’4”, 95-pound Russian princess taking the ball down the court. Sure, I don’t think she’ll match up well against Ice Cube, but that doesn’t matter. I have no doubt in my mind that Brian Bogart will be far too lost in her ridiculous, neverending eyes to even think of a defensive strategy. Bogart’s team will be so afraid of competing and ruining their already-slim chances to make Mila laugh that I expect she’ll be able to pull up from the perimeter all game. You just can’t guard the princess.

SG: Mark Zuckerberg Bogart might’ve gone presidential, but I’ve got the guy who actually runs the world. I could really see the gooberish Facebookexec making a mean option in the middle of the lane, maybe throwing down some oops from Kunis. It’s a risk, given his blobbish,

unathletic build, but at the very least my team would be the progressive one. A supremely undersized woman and a Jewish dude in a basketball game? The world is turning over a new leaf?

SF: Pee-wee Herman I have no reason to believe that Pee-wee would be a monster on the turn-around jump shot, but it just feels right, doesn’t it? Ideally he’d be in his full costume, and our primary bailout shooter on the drive. I know you think I’m crazy, but I really think the Pee-wee/Kunis pick-andpop combo could be devastating. Best of all, we’d only have to pay him in bike parts.

PF: Skip Bayless Like many of my idiotic peers, I spent a fair proportion of my days listening to Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless shout superlatives at each other at 8 in the morning. If you have listened, you obviously know that Mr. Bayless is the greatest athlete of all time who will hit every game-winning shot/putt/pass without breaking a sweat. Just once I would love to be witness to the beauty of the Bayless mystique on the court. We shall all be in awe, and it will totally seal a victory.

C: The Michelin Man Full disclosure, Bogart and I previously decided that we weren’t going to use any fictional characters in our celebrity line-ups, but like the greatest coaches in the world, Bill Belichick and Joe Paterno, I don’t always follow the rules. You gotta coach to win the game, and winning the game has to include a rotund, tire-structured man backing down in the post for a spin-layup. I think we can all agree that The Michelin Man would probably be the greatest basketball player of all time. Your loss for following the rules, Brian. Brian Bogart and Luke Winkie UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

After UT visit, Perkins couldn’t say no Heading into the Texas junior day on Saturday, Dallas Lake Highlands offensive tackle Kent Perkins had his recruitment pretty much narrowed down to three schools - Texas A&M, Oklahoma, and Texas. The three schools had been at the top of his list for quite some time, and had been jockeying for the lead position throughout his recruitment. On Monday, Perkins decided he was ready to make the call, delivering the message to the Texas Longhorns at 1 p.m. “I started off with the three top schools of Texas A&M, Oklahoma, and Texas,” Perkins said. “Every school is going to have a good education, so I looked for something different like being more comfortable around the staff. So that’s why I came to Texas.” What was it about the Texas coaching staff that made him feel so comfortable? “They were fun during practice when I saw them. It’s not going to just be hard work. There’s some fun in it,” he said. “And just being comfortable around those coaches because I’m going to be around them every day.” Entering the weekend, Perkins pretty much knew he would be offered by Texas, but he did not see his own decision coming so quickly. Neither did his mom. In fact, it was another program she had at the top of his list, but a meeting with Mack Brownchanged all that. “My mom was set on Oklahoma and I was

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comparing and contrasting in my head when I was at Texas,” Perkins said. “I was in coach Brown’s office and we were talking and he said some things that made me think about it and that’s why I came to my conclusion.” So what was it about the conversation that struck such a chord? “He asked me questions that made me think,” Perkins said. “Like questions I needed to hear. Questions about academics and what if I get hurt and stuff like that.” Texas being so close to home did not hurt either. “I wanted to be close to home. I don’t want to be so far away,” Perkins said. “It’s three hours away from my mom and grandma and sisters and close family members.” With the decision made, Perkins is ready to focus on offseason and his senior year. He also knows just because he has committed, schools will continue to recruit him. “I think he is glad that a lot of what could go on is pretty much done now. He knows it’s not done from everybody else’s standpoint,” Lake Highlands head coach Scott Smith said. “From his standpoint, he’s good to go. He’s a Longhorn through and through. “But he knows just because that’s what he said there are a lot of people who aren’t going to give up on him. We talked about

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that too. About being thoughtful about his word and his commitment and how strong that is, and knowing there’s still going to be people who still come after you and still want you to be a part of what they’re doing.

“It’s over with but until he signs on the dotted line it’s not going to be so he’s still going to have to deal with some of it.” Jason Howell Orangebloods.com Recruiting Analyst

Continued from gridiron Page 11

DT: Kenneth Sims CB: Aaron Ross CB: Raymond Clayborn FS: Jerry Gray If this name looks familiar, it’s because these days Gray makes his rounds as a coach in the NFL, currently working as a defensive coordinator for the Tennessee Titans. Besides being a twotime All-American during his stint at UT, Gray was also a first-round draft pick and eventually became a four-time pro-bowler. Even recently, it looked like Gray and Texas were about to rekindle their romance after Gray was up for the defensive backs coaching job when it looked like Duane Akina was heading to Arizona. But revisionist history is only worth so much when you consider that Gray is currently thriving in his NFL career while Akina and UT eventually came to terms that saw Texas keeping its longtime secondary coach. While things seemed to have worked out well for both parties involved,

one can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Gray had returned for one more rodeo at the University of Texas.

SS: Michael Huff OLB: Derrick Johnson MLB: Tommy Nobis OLB: Sergio Kindle OK, so I may be cheating here since Kindle played more of a hybrid DE/LB than he was purely a linebacker, but the guy was just so damn relentless! Besides being an absolute beast off the edge, Kindle also bled burnt orange, turning in some of his best performances in a Longhorn uniform when the stakes were highest. Although a recurring knee injury slowed down the very beginning of his NFL career, he still made such an impression here on the 40 Acres that he’s always welcome to Austin no matter how his professional career turns out. Brian Bogart

Model: Carson Goldsmith-Albright Photo: Corie Eve Rose Johnson Hair Waterstone Salon & Spa 16& Makeup: February 29, 2012Aesthetics | UWeeklyATX.com

Frock On Vintage opened its doors on October 15 of last year, bringing to Austin a whole new level of vintage and vintage resale. Owner Liz Ashbranner came to Austin a year ago with the intent of looking for a job in the art business. After spending time looking and finding nothing, she came to the realization that her passion had changed; she wanted to open a vintage shop to share her love of fashion but to keep the prices accessib le to everyone. Walking into the shop, you wouldn’t know that it’s been in business for less than 6 months. The racks and walls are overflowing with gorgeous and unique pieces for people of all styles just looking to find a home. The prices are incredible, with very few things reaching over $60. Each item is handpicked by Ashbranner to be in the store and even she has to keep herself from keeping everything in her own personal closet. “There’s this beautiful bright blue/ teal Neiman Marcus coat, and it’s, like, for the life of me I don’t know why it’s

still there, if just that right person hasn’t come in to find it yet,” said Ashbranner. “It’s one of those pieces that I keep telling myself, ‘If it’s there next week I’m going to take it home,’ and I’ve managed not to snag it yet.” With the vast rainbow of clothing available for women, Frock on Vintage also includes some pretty snazzy duds for dudes. Every Tuesday, the shop has a bu y - one - getone deal for selected men’s pearl snaps and you’re bound to find something in just your style. The shop’s location is not far from campus, right across the street from Wheatsville Co-op. With such a convenient location it’s amazing that the shop still has clothes in it left to sell. Make sure to stop by every Thursday for Frock On’s free “Glitz and Glam” happy hour, where you can find free drinks, hair and make-up promotions and great sales. You really don’t want to miss out on what could be your next favorite dress. Arryn Zech

Clothes make the man, but for us girls the best outfits won’t make a difference without great hair and makeup. Life’s not fair. Waterstone Aesthetics salon and spa provided hair and make-up for this photo shoot. Conveniently located on campus, they can help you polish your new look too. Waterstone uses Bumble & Bumble hair products and Being True cosmetics. They also offer free skin consultations and carry Obagi and Priori medical grade skincare lines. Catering to every aspect of hair and skincare the Waterstone website says that, “...whether you desire a new cut and color, anti-aging treatments, laser hair reduction or much more, Waterstone will greet you with a smile and unparalleled individual aesthetic expertise.” Check them out: 3016 Guadalupe St. Suite B-100. 512.373.7546. Or book your free consultation online. Model:Carson Goldsmith-Albright Photo: Elijah Watson Hair & Makeup: Waterstone Aesthetics Salon & Spa

Model:Lisa Nichole Hartwig Photo: Elijah Watson Hair & Makeup: Waterstone Aesthetics Salon & Spa

UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

Model:Lisa Nichole Hartwig Photo: Elijah Watson Hair & Makeup: Waterstone Aesthetics Salon & Spa

Los Angeles transplants Alex and Morgan De Mola opened Cotone Italian Clothing in August of 2011 here in Austin. Located under The Venue apartment homes, Cotone mixes the Italian brand Brandy Melville, which makes up most of it’s product, with complementary American brands. Alex De Mola makes it clear that, for the quality and care the clothes are made with, the price point is very competitive. Besides being reasonably priced, the clothes are just plain cute. De Mola describes the shop’s sensibility as a “European vibe

with a West Coast influence.” This is especially notable through the delicate crop tops,

and flowy fabrics that Lisa and Carson modeled on the back patio of El Mercado on S. 1st.

“Most of the tops are sheer because we like to give off a seethrough effect,” said De Mola. “We’re trying to introduce new styles, something you don’t really see all the time that is more unique, like loose open backs.” Make sure you stop by Cotone to get your SXSW look just right. They are having a Get Feathered for South by Southwest event on Friday March 9 from 5-9pm. If you spend over $75 dollars, you can get your hair feathered for FREE by Electric Feather Co. just in time for the festival. Tweety Frankfurt

On Location

Model: Carson Goldsmith-Albright Photo: Michael Huereque Hair & Makeup: Waterstone Aesthetics Salon & Spa

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

Hanging lanterns, picnic tables and the smell of fantastic Tex-Mex. It doesn’t get much more South Austin than the newly-renovated back patio at El Mercado Restaurant and Cantina on S. 1st. Pet and budget friendly, this place has $1.99 happy hour appetizers from 3-7pm and daily drink specials, including the infamous $3.99 Mexican Martini shakers on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. After a long day of shopping for your new spring wardrobe, go relax with a margarita, some live music, and the best salsa in Austin at El Mercado. Like El Mercado South on Facebook to keep up with all the amazing food and drink specials, live music, and even the pooch centered Yappy Hour. www.facebook.com/ elmercadosouth

Media Expo showcases the independent artists STAPLE! The Independent Media Expo is back on March 3 and 4 at Marchesa Hall and Theater. According to their website, this event promotes independent artists whether it’s comics, art, animation or self-published literature. “STAPLE! is a great event, because it’s my audience,” said exhibitor David Hopkins in an email. “If I went to San Diego Comic-Con, sure, it’s a big event, but guys dressed as Stormtroopers aren’t interested in my work..” This year, there are 150 exhibitors, including Hopkins, who will showcase their work as well as sell merchandise. “Also, I have a lot of respect for the organizers,” said Hopkins. “They do a great job every year. It’s a fun event and a sincere celebration of non-corporate creativity.” Filmmaker, writer and artist Paul Hanley said he looks forward to seeing the people he

usually sees at STAPLE! and is coming back for a third year selling original art in poster form. “That’s where most of my business is. It’s selling posters of various work,” said Hanley, who graduated from University of Texas in Austin in 2001. Along with the exhibitors, there will also be guest speakers and panels. Guest speakers include Kevin Eastman, the co-creator of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” for those children of the ’80s and ’90s, as well as Austin’s Jason Neulander. Neulander is the director, writer and producer of Intergalactic Nemesis, the selfproclaimed live-action graphic novel. The show, which debuted in 2010, features comic book panels that are projected behind a Foley artist, a musician and three actors who perform the story live and has since toured around

the world. Most recently, Neulander and company were featured on NPR’s “All Things Considered” and performed a short segment of Intergalatic Nemesis with Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter on “Conan Tonight.” “ T hat was cra z y,” s aid N eulander. “ T hat was ama zing.” He said he never thought that performance would happen when he first wrote the show, but the response he has seen on tour has been incredible. “I have to say, for someone who got his start doing experimental theater where he was glad if 35 people showed up to see a show on any given night to have thousands and thousands of people come out and take a chance on something they never really heard of before and then really like it is just incredibly gratifying,” said Neulander. Neulander will speak at STAPLE! about the history of the project and what the experience has been like for him as well

as share the progress and the artwork. He’s currently working on the sequel that will have two rough cut performances at 7 PM on March 3 and at 2 PM on March 4 at the Alamo Drafthouse on South Lamar. The sequel, which premieres June 8 at The Long Center, picks up two weeks where the first story left off but will have a different approach. “I could not be happier with where we are on the show,” said Neulander. As for Hopkins, he said people can expect real diverse subject matter in his comics as he uses the medium to experiment at his table. According to his website, he will debut “Astronaut Dad,” which he collaborated with Brent Schoonover. He also promises to interact with people when they stop at his table. “I’m a fairly friendly person,” said Hopkins. “I promise I won’t be grumpy. I’ll talk to you, and I won’t flip out if you don’t buy my books... even though you should.” Sarah Vasquez

Banker leaves $1.33 tip on a $133 lunch; nominee for 2012’s Asshole Who Deserves to Die award

Church and State A theory on why more and more churches are welcoming gays

Historically, the church hasn’t been a place that’s accepted or welcomed gays. In fact, people were persecuted, even executed, for homosexual activity. This is on top of the psychological and emotional abuse perpetrated by traditional churches in attempt to rid the world of these “sub-humans.”

Time’s a-tickin’ It’s a understatement to say that it’s a sign of the times that more and more churches these days are open to and welcoming gays in their parishes. It’s a downright miracle! Yet, this transition didn’t happen overnight, and it still isn’t without its bumps the road. As St. David’s Episcopal Church and Steering Committee of Gay, Lesbian and Everyone Else (GLEE) member Sarah Kapostasy describes it, “it was painful” to come up against homophobia in church. But for all the labor pains that have been involved in birthing this new wave of open love and acceptance for queers in church, things are coming along nicely. “I grew up Catholic. Being Catholic is kind of like a culture, not a religion,” said Kapostasy. When she wanted to move to a new church a few years ago, she found herself drawn to the Episcopal faith. “The Episcopals have a very similar worship style,” said Kapostasy, in which she found comfort and familiarity as well as a large dose of political and social liberation.

Republican vs. Democrat While accepting gays in church “could be seen as political to some, it’s not all super liberal. There’s a lot of conservative-leaning folks,” said Kapostasy. She goes on to report that there are

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

conservatives even in LGBTQ community. Even still, from time to time there’s evidence of tension between people who don’t believe in that sort of thing and people who are loud and proud. But it’s the sort of thing you have to go looking for. “It can create a little bit of tension sometimes, but it’s not a tension you feel every Sunday morning,” said Kapostasy. “It’s good to struggle with these issues. It makes it more like the real world.” She goes on to explain the importance and value of diversity in the church and how it’s even good to wrestle with these social and political issues. While there’s diversity in the Christian church, “we’re still bound by our divinity,” said Kapostasy. But even to people like Kapostasy, there’s still a lot of work to be done. “I’ve seen things change in relationships, one at a time,” said Kapostasy. She goes on to theorize that relationships are the main reason why these types of changes are occurring in the Christian community. “Culturally, it’s getting harder to not know a gay person,” said Kapostasy. “Change happens in relationships. Getting to know a gay person in church is a powerful way to affect change.”

We are more “I am more than my sexuality,” said Kapostasy, who goes on to comment how strange it is that people, who are typically conservative, feel that it’s OK to talk about and publicly question another person’s sexuality. “It’s very strange, the way things have developed,” said Kapostasy. “I think it’s weird that people emphasize the sex thing so much.” Indeed, it seems that the private, sacred February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

At the True Food Kitchen restaurant in Newport Beach, California, a wealthy banker left a ridiculously mediocre tip for a large lunch. The $1.33 tip on a $133 lunch was a slap to the face of the waitress; if that was not enough to show off his ignorance and stupidity, the banker left a few words of advice as well: “Get a real job.” The incident has reignited the battle between the 99% and 1%, with many people criticizing the banker for his offensive actions. A similar incident happened last fall in Washington state, when a waitress received a tip of no money, and was suggested to “lose a few pounds.” It’s people like this that make those it-could-neverhappen events in Waiting a possible reality.

Actress Lucy Lawless arrested in oil ship protest; Xena: Warrior Princess has lost her thunder

action: More than 100,000 people had sent messages to Shell to oppose the company’s arctic plans. How should Greenpeace go about now? Obviously they need to make a Xena movie where she fights evil-doers with Captain Planet. Genius.

2012 Oscars end up awkward

Remember “Xena: Warrior Princess?” Of course you do. Girls wanted to be her; guys wanted her but feared she would kick their ass and make them look bad. You’re lying to yourself if you do not know who Xena is. Lucy Lawless, the ex-warrior princess, was recently arrested after she, and five Greenpeace activists, climbed aboard an oil-drilling ship to prevent it from leaving a New Zealand dock. Police removed the protesters from their perch atop a 174-foot drilling tower on the Noble Discoverer in Port Taranaki. At least there was some good that came out of the

For everyone who chose the NBA All-Star game over the Oscars, you did yourself a huge favor. Consisting of tasteless jokes, a strange and misplaced performance by Justin Bieber and just an overall atmosphere of discomfort, this year’s Oscars did not really do any better than last year’s ceremony. The only unpredictable moment of the Oscars was Sacha Baron Cohen dumping the fake ashes of Kim Jong-il over Ryan Seacrest’s head. Maybe for next year the Oscars should consider bringing out Cohen as the host. Sure, it would probably be a mess and someone would probably die, but considering this year’s ratings was only a mere 4% higher than last year’s, what is there to lose? Eli Watson

matters of sex and love become tools of public debate when people, the majority of them straight, try to make sense of the matter. “Straight people are confused; it isn’t always malicious,” said Kapostasy. She believes that they are just trying to make sense of something they don’t understand and sometimes forget their manners in the process. “It reminds you that you can’t assume everyone’s politics are the same just because you’re all Episcopals,” said Kapostasy. “You can compare it to a family.”

She goes on to note how even close, nuclear families have similar issues of politics, morals and philosophy, but emphasizes that she’s just one person with one voice. “I don’t represent the whole community,” said Kapostasy. Even still, it’s remarkable to observe the trends and undercurrents of love and acceptance in an environment where gays were previously scrutinized and looked down upon just because they dared to love differently. Amanda Chappel

ARRYN ZECH

Borderlands 2: Doomsday After just having watched the recently released Borderlands 2 trailer, I only have two words to say: Fucking. Epic. Set to a wicked dubstep track, the trailer shows snippets of game play, some of the new features the game includes, and the overall bad-assery that will be Borderlands 2. To be more specific, the new features that the trailer introduces to us are fourplayer co-op and split screen, a new vehicle, more skills “for the payment of bigger bills,” and a whole lot of new guns. To quote this fantastic trailer as it shows you an array of their new tricked-out gear, “87 bazillion guns just got bazilliondier.” The trailer also lets you get a sneak peek at how awesome the graphics in this game got. Though the same format of thick outline seems apparent, for some reason everyone just looks so much cooler than they did before, including a fat lady with “tig ol’ bitties” who gets included in the character montage in the beginning of the trailer. Borderlands 2 is set to come out September 18 of this year, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Amnesia 2? When I first heard that another Amnesia game was being put into the

works I was very confused. The end of the first game felt as though it had ended and, though it left many people very confused, it had a message of some sort. Now that the game has a bit more meat to it, the creators have decided to share some of their secrets about Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs.

87 bazillion guns just got bazilliondier.

The game starts in 1899, about 60 years after Amnesia: The Dark Descent, in London on New Year’s Day. According to website Joystiq the plot is basically this: “A rich industrial tycoon named Oswald Mandus collapses from a feverish nightmare in which he sees a mysterious, dark machine. A disastrous and tragic expedition to Mexico, compounded with his illness, have stolen months from his life and he wakes determined to piece together the missing

fragments of his life.” So, just the basic idea of the new game follows that of the original, but the creators have promised that even seasoned Amnesia players will still be on their toes with anxiety and suspense, just as the last one.

Sonic-inspired side-note Recently a friend of mine has gotten into a frenzy of playing all of the old classic Sonic games, thanks to the recently released Sonic Generations. Because of this, he’s had to go out and find an old gaming system, controllers, and even more oldschool games from his childhood. You might think this might be a difficult task, but I assure you it’s not. Thanks to two of the coolest game stores in Austin, his nostalgia can be tickled until its little heart’s content. The two shops that I speak of are Game Over Videogames off of West Anderson Ln and Gamerz Galaxy by the HEB off of Red River. Every one of the staff in both of these shops are more than helpful and knowledgeable in all things new and old video games. They each carry old systems, old games, cool merch, and even recent releases. I can’t recommend these shops enough. Stay local, y’all. Arryn Zech UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

Meet us at The Local Pub & Patio every Friday at 4:00pm (2610 Guadalupe) and introduce yourself!

The

battle of Socr ates This week on Versus, we stop fucking around with light topics like pizza or the Dallas Mavericks. We’re getting straight up philosophical. That’s right, we’re talking about motherfucking Socrates. Is he the greatest of the ancient Greek

rhetoricians? Or was Plato just making him look good? Do you think his name is pronounced “So-Krates?” Do you like his beard? Do you think it’s silly we obsess over the ancient roots of philosophy, treating it with the same sort of deification that people talk about the Bible with? Let’s find out!

Luke Winkie

What’s your favorite Socratic dialog? • I like the Gorgias because he cuts that motherfucker down. —Ronda Brune

• I like The Empire Strikes Back. —Alex Linares

• I’ve only read the Apology, but that’s cool because he basically tells the court to eat his ass. —Elsa Shively

• I’d rather read about electrons. —Francisco Tolan

• I forget which one it is, but he tells Plato that he has to be executed in order to stick to his ideals, which is stupid but kind of awesome. —Ronnie Gerald

• The closest I’ve ever come to reading Socrates is watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. —Alexander Cola

Do you know that you know nothing? • You know, I consider that every time I walk into my Astronomy class. —Rena Mowers • I’d be lying if I said Socratic paradoxes didn’t turn me on. —Joe Topete • Yes, but I also know I know more about Socrates than you. —Lorene Howland

• Is that what that dude said? Man, he’s kind of an asshole. —Sonja Big • That quote right there symbolizes why I don’t have enough time for Socrates. —Mira Hollister • That’s the worst pick-up line in the world. —Jay Kite

How do you feel about ideal forms? • I know that artists are doing the devil’s work, right? I took a philosophy class a long time ago. —Taylor Arnold

• It makes me remember how much of a dick Socrates was. —Randall Ridenour

• This sandwich is basically in ideal form right now. —Evan Mastuder

• Are you still talking about ancient concepts from old dead white men? OK, then I’ll continue to not listen to you. —Bernard Levins

Really though, how do you feel about Socrates? • Quoting him makes you look way more esteemed at parties. —Ricky Burson • I think we’d be bros if I was around in ancient Greece. Hopefully I wouldn’t be executed though. —Elsa Shively

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

• He was a grumpy old dude with a lot of opinions and eventually was executed for being a little bitch. There is no more to be said. —Leroy Devaughn

Photos: Eli Watson

sigma pi

cowboys & indians

sigma pi

cowboys & indians

sigma pi

cowboys & indians

sigma pi

cowboys & indians

UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

furt Photos:Tweety Frank

chupacabra

the stage

400 East Sixth Street

508 East Sixth Street

The local 2610 Guadalupe Street

You’re this week’s winner! Contact us on Facebook to collect $25!*

chupacabra 400 East Sixth Street

Varsity Bar

the stage

2324 Guadalupe Street

508 East Sixth Street

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

nkfurt Photos: Tweety Fra

Varsity Bar 2324 Guadalupe Street

the stage 508 East Sixth Street

The local 2610 Guadalupe Street

chupacabra 400 East Sixth Street

Varsity Bar 2324 Guadalupe Street *If your face is circled, you’re this week’s winner of Barstars! Contact us Mon through Wed (9–5 p.m.) to collect $25 cash! (Be sure to Facebook us to let us know you won!)

For more party pics, go to uweeklyaustin.com. UWeeklyATX.com | February 29. 2012

Super Crossword

Crypto Quip

Clue: n EQUALS f

This is a simple substitution cipher in which each letter used stands for another. If you think that X equals O, it will equal O throughout the puzzle. Solution is accomplished by trial and error.

who needs it?

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

Sudoku

holy fiction

Houston band to play in Austin on March 2 at Antone’s

Holy Fiction started off like most bands. Evan Lecker, Matt Geissler and Jordan McCune had written bits and pieces of music that didn’t fit with their then-projects, but then realized they worked with each other. However, this band was originally a side project. But after their bands didn’t work out, Holy Fiction turned into a full-time band, adding three more members.

What made you expand to a six-piece? Matt Geissler: As we were recording demos, we needed something to fill some gaps, and we just slowly starting bringing in people. I knew our violin player from college. Brought her in and actually our original drummer was the drummer in me and Jordan’s old band Hemyah. Evan found a bass player. Evan was going to play bass on the record. But once all the songs came together, we realized we should probably play live like that because we could. Evan Lecker: We did a show in Houston. I guess it was summer 2008. It was me and Jordan and Matt, and we had Lance come in and do some percussion stuff. Then Sally (Tawfik) plays violin in a couple of songs.

“At the end of the show within the same breath, he said ‘Great show, don’t ever make me play bass again.’” Probably the best memory of that show was I made Jordan play bass on the song “Iron Eyes.” At the end of the show within the same breath, he said “Great show, don’t ever make me play bass again.” So we’re like, all right, we’ll go find a bass player. So I brought in Sam Lee, who I actually knew from college and we were in other bands together.

Why didn’t you want to play bass? Jordan McCune: Well, I really wasn’t that good at it. I play in front of other people, but other than that, I could not. Well, I could have played keyboard bass.

That might have worked out really well. I actually started out playing guitar in the old band, and I just kind of started playing keyboards with this band. But I never played bass that much so I play it like a guitar, and I just didn’t like the way it worked out. EL: And he never really plays piano either. JM: That’s true. I never really played keyboards. EL: Me and Matt were writing new songs and you guys lived across the hall from each other. I remember sitting there and going, “You know, I like Jordan, and this is really awkward that we’re sitting across the hall from him writing music and he’s over there.” We were like, “Hey Jordan, come here.” He came in and we were working on “More Than Ever,” and you said “I think I’m gonna play keyboard on this.” We were like, “Cool, do you play keyboard?” and you were like, “No.” Then he just wrote these great parts. Like, I guess you’re the keyboard player.

I love that you did a benefit with a middle school orchestra. How did that show come together? EL: That was really Sally’s brainchild. She’s the orchestra teacher at Dulles Middle School. The way government funding is going, everybody’s having to make cuts, and unfortunately that means that some programs get cut while other programs stay alive. That’s just the nature of it. Because that happened, it’s the job of the individuals to pick up the slack. If you like the Arts and you don’t want them to go away,

Photo: Courtesy Holy Fiction

you need to support them, and not sit around and complain about how football players get new shoulder pads, but the violin players don’t get anything. So that’s why we did it. We wanted to support the Arts. We all love working with kids, and it was a lot of fun. These kids are immensely talented, so it was a good experience for both the band and the kids.

You mentioned you’re working on a new album. Will the listeners will get a different experience with this one than Hours From It? JM: Absolutely. The last one that we wrote came together. I think we’d only been a band maybe three or four months when a lot of that material was written. So I think there’s a lot more ideas and experimentation and things like that with this album. I think we’re a lot more focused. I feel like it’s a little bit more cohesive than the last album, but at the same time, it’s pretty diverse. The songs have a pretty large range so I think it’s a bit more focused than our last album. Lot more dynamics going through so I think that it’s going to be a little bit more enjoyable to the listeners. Sarah Vasquez UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

Wednesday

thursday

Leap Day Party

The Encyclopedia Show Austin: Brains

@ The VORTEX, 2307 Manor Rd

It comes only once every four years, and outside of Christmas, Halloween, and their birthday, Leap Day is everyone’s favorite day. The VORTEX is hosting a community drum circle to get in touch with all of those cosmic forces and smells on this auspicious day. Bring your own drum, or head of Matthew McConaughey, to beat on until your hands bleed or you have finally achieved supreme union with your drum, crystals, and tobaccouse-only pipe.

Will bass 28

Fashion Freakout @ Mohawk, 912 Red River

Everyone loves learning. Well, maybe not, but everyone does love drinking. Well, now you will be able to finally appreciate the beauty of Minerva, the goddess of wisdom, under the fine auspices of Bacchus, god of libations. The Encyclopedia will explore the topic of brains with their own brains. Have no fear, though, this is no upper-level neuroscience class. The presenters will no doubt probably focus on the more humorous, strange, and perverted side of the brain. Come out. It’s a no-brainer!

Despite our penchant for jorts, tank tops and v-necks, Austin is a pretty fashionable city. Likewise, Austinites know how to look good on a budget. Give any fashion-savvy bloke in this town a dollar and they can walk out of Goodwill looking like Karl Lagerfeld. The Fashion Freakout will prove to any doubters how chic Austin actually is. The show will display vintage clothes from some of the top stylists around town, inspiring you to put together your own eccentric wardrobe. Let your freak flag fly!

Tickets: At the door

Tickets: www.transmission.frontgatetickets.com

►►Also Worthy

The Hi-Tones

A Guy on a Buffalo

Sabbath Crow

Action Pack Presents: The Last Boyscout

Run PMS

Zlam Dunk

Dropkick Murphys

Hip Hop Theatre Explosion

Dan Dyer

So Percussion

DD Dagger

Kevin Nealon

Weird Wednesday: Surprise Title

Explorded Drawing DJ Series

The Mother Hips

Tickets: Free

The top events & shows in Austin this week

friday

Frank, 407 Colorado Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6th

Emo’s East, 2015 E Riverside Hog Memorial Auditorium, UT Campus Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6th

@ ND, 501 Brushy St

Mohawk, 912 Red River Chaindrive, 504 Willow St The VORTEX, 2307 Manor

29th Street Ballrom, 2904 Fruth St North Door, 501 Brushy St

Frontier Bar, 2421 Webberville Rd Stubb’s, 801 Red River Continental Club, 1315 S Congress Cap City Comedy, 8120 Research Blvd Hole in the Wall, 2538 Guadalupe

February 29, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

T R E NYDETY CLASSY

OPEN 7

AFFORDABLE ITALIAN CLOTHING

DAYS A

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WEEK

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E ST

saturday

sunday

monday

Michael Ian Black @ BookPeople, 603 N Lamar

Funny person and Expedia spokesman Michael Ian Black will be stopping by BookPeople to make you buy his new book, make fun of you, and give you noogies. Probably not in that order.

Saul Williams @ Mohawk, 912 Red River

There are few people that could be called renaissance men in this day in age; Saul Williams, no doubt, should be one of them. The man is an actor, poet, musician and rapper, all rolled into one delicious burrito. Williams continues to chart new territories with his follow up to 2007’s Niggy Tardust, Volcanic Sunlight. For the neophytes, Williams’ music seamlessly puts hip-hop, industrial music, and spoken word into a blender and makes a deliciously sounding smoothie with it. Get down with the new sounds!

Zilker Park Kite Festival @ Zilker Park

There is nothing more blissfully bucolic than the Austin Kite Festival. The sight of people from all walks of life, age groups, sexual orientations, planetary affiliations, and dimensional residences, flying kites will put a grin on even the most jaded of faces. In addition to bringing your own kite to fly, or just eyes to watch, the festival will feature of some the world’s top kite flyers, food and some good old-fashioned fun. Keep Austin flying kites!

►►Also Worthy

P-Tek

Mohawk, 912 Red River

Metal Monday

Headhunters, 702 Red River

Charlie Hodge

Cap City Comedy, 8120 Research Blvd

tuesday

So Percussion: We Are All Going in Different Directions

Tickets.www.mohawkaustin.com

@ McCullough Theatre, 2500 E Campus Dr ►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

Rings Band

Danny Malone

Hotel Vegas 1500 E 6th

Hotel Vegas, 1500 E 6th

So Percussion redefine what is possible with percussion. Sort of the Blue Man Group for intellectuals, the group will make your ears dance with their persuasive beats. Tickets: www.utpac.com

Opposite Day

Another Addiciton

Red Eyed Fly, 715 Red River

►►Also Worthy

Low Lives: Occupy! (Visual Art)

Shearwater

Rabbit Teeth

Beerland, 711 Red River

Sam Silva

Gospel Brunch: Visions of Light Choir

James McMurtry

Media

John Dee and Friend Show

Tue Rad

Flamingo Cantina, 515 E 6th Co-Lab, 613 Allen St

Stubb’s, 801 Red River Beauty Bar, 617 E 7th

Antone’s, 213 W 5th Stubb’s, 801 Red River

Continental Club, 1315 S Congress

Continental Club, 1315 S Congress Beauty Bar, 617 E 7th

UWeeklyATX.com | February 29, 2012

►►Tiniest Bar in Texas

►►The Library

817 W 5th

407 E 6th

$3 Jack, Jim, and Jager

$1 domestics/wells, $2 imported bottles

►►Chuggin’ Monkey

►►Agave

219 E 6th

415 E 6th

$2 wells/domestics

$2 you call it

►►Blind Pig

►►Pure

317 E 6th

419 E 6th

$2.50 wells/domestics

$1 any beer til midnight

►►Chuggin’ Monkey

►►Tiniest Bar in Texas

219 E 6th

817 W 5th

$2 wells/domestics til 10 PM

$1 Bud Light and Bud

►►Paradise

►►Sapphire

401 E 6th

411 E 6th

$3 LIT/$2 Red Snapper/$2.50 LS Tall Boys

$2 You Call It til 11 PM

►►Thirsty Nickel

►►Trudy’s

325 E 6th

409 W 30th

$2 wells/domestics til 11 PM, $3 House Shots

$4.50 Ritas

►►The Ginger Man

►►Blind Pig

The Tavern 922 West 12th Street Maybe it’s my ego, maybe it’s because I love being tested, or maybe I just like proving that I’m the smartest guy in the room, but I am a sucker for trivia nights, and trivia night at The Tavern is about as good as it gets in the 512. Located in a bit of a funny spot on 12th and Lamar right next to the Austin High football stadium, The Tavern’s ambiance stacks up right next to Flying Saucer and The Ginger Man. Besides the 52 TVs tuned into—what else—sports as well as the famed “beer roster” that changes weekly, The Tavern is a great place to just go and enjoy a beer while you chow down on some sliders and buffalo wings. Just don’t show up on Wednesday night trivia unless you want to get embarrassed. I’ll be the guy with the most hilarious team name in the room.

Brian Bogart

►►Rain on 4th

301 Lavaca

317 E 6th

217 W 4th

Service Industry Night

$2.50 Wells/Domestics

$1.50 Lite Beers, $2.50 Wells

►►Cuba Libre

►►Ginger Man

►►Third Base

409 Colorado

301 Lavaca

1717 W 6th

$2 Wells

Logo Pint Night

$2 Lonestar/Fireman/Shiner

►►Kiss and Fly

►►Dizzy Rooster

►►Mother Egan’s

404 Colorado

306 E 6th

715 W 6th

$3 Wells, $3 Any Beer

$2 Domestic/Wells/Jello Shots

Pint specials during Pub Trivia

COMING SOON THURSDAYS

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