Page 1


APRIL 4, 2012



APRIL 4, 2012


Tax Return How to File It


Tax Return How to Spend It


Good Deeds Get your Yoga on for a Good Cause


Don’t Forget Professional Baseball is Coming!

Cover & Inside Photos Courtesy Rubber Rep

For whom the

than that during 2011. In exchange for their free tax prep services, the Foundations Communities only ask that you make an appointment before you show up and that you bring all of the required information to your appointment. You know, like your W2, driver’s license, SSN card. Things like that. Amanda Chappel

bell tolls It’s tax season, everyone!

If you’re like most college students, you probably didn’t make enough money during the last fiscal year to qualify for a tax return. But there are some of you overachievers, aka people with jobs, who actually need to file a tax return. Unbeknownst to most people who stroll into H&R Block, there are a plethora of free or low-cost tax preparation services available to those who qualify. Now, that leaves us with just one little question: Do you qualify for free tax preparation services? According to Foundations Communities, a non-profit organization that provides affordable housing and corollary services to low-income families and individuals in Austin and throughout North Texas, they help over 18,000 people file their taxes for free each year. This year, you could be one of them.

You know you’re not really rich

Spend that tax refund the right way

Believe it or not, if you make less than approximately $30,000 each year, you

A guide to all of the free tax prep services in Austin Austin Locations 1. Community Financial Center 2600 W Stassney Ln, Austin, TX 78745 Busses 311 and 338 2. Goodwill Community Center 1015 Norwood Park Blvd, Austin, TX 78753 Busses 7, 161, 323, 325 3. Workforce Solutions Capital Area 6505 Airport Blvd, Austin, TX 78752 Busses 7, 10, 300, 320, 350 4. St. John’s Community Center 7500 Blessing Ave, Austin, TX 78752 Busses 7 and 300

5. Allan Elementary School 4900 Gonzales St, Rm 153 Austin, TX 78702, Bus 4 6. Montopolis Recreation Center 1200 Montopolis Dr, Austin, TX 78741

Surrounding Area Locations 7. Round Rock Public Library 216 E Main St, Round Rock, TX 78664 8. South Rural Community Center 3518 FM 973 South, Del Valle, TX 78617, Bus 350 9. Workforce Solutions of Bastrop County 53 Loop 150 West, Bastrop, TX 78602

Community Tax Centers: 512-610-7374 4

April 4, 2012 |

are technically considered living below the nation’s poverty line. As sad as it may be, that means you are technically a low-income individual. While that may all change as soon as you graduate and score that entry-level corporate job, for now, those are the facts. As a low-income individual, there’s no need to go wasting the little money

Do you qualify for free tax preparation services? that you do have on frivolous things such as paying for tax preparation. The Foundations Communities, who have over nine locations in Austin, will gladly file your taxes for you if you make (drum roll, please…) less than $50,000 a year. Now, for some reason, I’m pretty sure you made less

So now that you’ve got your taxes all taken care of (hopefully for free), you’re probably thinking of all the ways you could spend that sweet tax return. Most of us will go for the materialistic items first, like new shoes or that video game you’ve always wanted. With that much money in your hands, it’s hard not to go crazy. But think about it, what could you really use that extra money for? Take a look at how much you’ve gotten back. Now take a look at all of your debts and compare it to that “giant” lump of money you’ve received. It seems like an insignificant sum, now doesn’t it? The key with tax returns (or any amount of money) is to budget it wisely. Even though money is the root of all evil, we still want to own and swim in a giant pool of it, much like Scrooge McDuck. These fantasies keep us from seeing what’s important: fucking creditors. Whether it’s credit cards or student loans, we shouldn’t forget about our debts. Credit cards obviously take priority, since interest can really kick your ass in the future. That’s what’s so unfortunate about credit cards; it’s money that you don’t have and that you think you’ll have eventually but you forget about it. Student loans don’t have to be paid until after you graduate, but unsubsidized loans are already accruing interest. Take a look at what kinds of loans you’re taking out. Now, you probably shouldn’t use all of your taxes to pay off credit cards and student loans, but I’d use about 60% on these debts.

It’ll make you feel better and it’ll look good for your credit score. After paying parts of that off, try and put away another 20% into your savings. Think of it as a rainy day fund. If you end up completely broke or have some money for emergency medical expenses, you’ll have some money saved up for when you need it. Hopefully you have a good bank that gives you a decent amount of interest

old ones have a broken zipper. Maybe you can even get that dog you’ve always wanted. With that extra money you can get them spayed or neutered and get them vaccinated. Or you can get them a little spike collar to dress them up a little. It’s funnier on smaller dogs, because we know they can’t protect shit. Concerned about how you’ll look in that swimsuit this summer? Check out Planet

Even though money is the root of all evil, we still want to swim in a giant pool of it, much like Scrooge McDuck. on your savings. I know Wells Fargo doesn’t give more than 3%, and you have to be in a special program for that “deal.” So now you’ve spent 80% on debts and savings, it’s time to look at what you really need. You can pay off your bills of course, but that’s what your regular paycheck is for. Maybe you need a new mattress or a kitchen table. This is where you can splurge a little. There’s no harm in getting new jeans if your

Fitness! They’ve got a lot of initiation fees, but it’s only $10 a month and those fees can be covered by that newly acquired dough. You could always join other gyms, but if you just want to check out some classes, head over to They’ve got deals on multiple classes of all types. You can even take pole dancing classes at half price. You know you’ve always been curious. Celine Suarez

Furnished Apartments Available Individual Leases

e app

r FREE iPhon

Download ou




Follow us on Twitter

Like us on Fac

ebook | April 4, 2012


Get it while the gettin’s good

Family planning and health services available on campus Women’s health care and access to birth control have been making headlines for the last few months. Now Texas is going oneon-one with the federal government about the issue. After the Texas legislature voted to cut off funding for Planned Parenthood last year because the clinics performs abortions, the Federal Government retaliated by cutting of funding for the state’s reproductive health program. Texas is now suing the Obama Administration. As our state and local government hash out what women should be able to do

with their doctors and their bodies, we have put together some information about contraception and health services available to University of Texas students. These days, UT students have better access to health and contraceptive services than many women in the rest of the state. Not only can the University Health Services provide you with information and access to contraception, they also offer women’s health screenings, STD testing, pregnancy testing and can refer you to other health care providers if needed. Get it while you can.

The pill

The shot

When taken correctly, the pill can be one of the most effective ways to prevent unintended pregnancy. It can also be prescribed for the treatment of PMS, acne, migraines and irregular menstrual cycles. Make sure to use some other form of protection, preferably a condom, during the first seven days of taking the pill just to be safe. UT offers two types of birth control: progestin and combinative (estrogen and progestin). In order to obtain either pill, though, you must obtain a prescription from a health care provider. To do so, call the University Health Services at (512) 471-4955.

This option is great for women who want longer term coverage without having to remember to take a pill every day or pick up a prescription each month. It is administered only once every three months.

Morning after pill We don’t have to get into why you might need this option. Shit happens. You can take this up to three days after having unprotected sex (because you were totally wearing a condom and it, like, broke). The sooner you take it the more effective it will be. There are two emergency contraceptives

If you want to schedule an appointment or talk to a nurse at the Women’s Health Clinic, you can call UHS at (512) 471-4955. The patch This is a good option for women who can’t seem to remember to take their pill each day. Although the UHS doesn’t dish out prescriptions for the patch, the can still give you plenty of information about it, and The Forty Acres Pharmacy can fill out prescriptions for the patch if that’s the way you want to go.


April 4, 2012 |

on the market. For anyone 17 and older, they can directly obtain the Plan B emergency contraceptive from UHS Pharmacy (SSB 1.110) without a prescription. Under 17? Just go see a doctor and get a prescription.

Condoms You don’t need to go to a doctor to get these. They are widely available, and

relatively inexpensive. They are also the only method besides abstinence that will prevent pregnancy and STDs. They can also be a pain in the ass. However, if you are sleeping with multiple partners (no judgment) or have an STD (or might have an STD, or think it is remotely possible that you could potentially have an STD), you should use a condom. Otherwise you’re a dick.

Resources We are not doctors here. (Sometimes we like to play doctor, but that’s not the same thing.) This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to contraception. All women

react differently to different methods and brands, and all couples have different contraception needs. If you are interested in learning more about different options for contraception, you can attend a free Methods of Contraception Class. The class covers hormonal methods, intrauterine devices and barrier methods including their cost, use, availability and effectiveness. These classes are one-hour sessions located at SSB 2.204 and is yet another service available to students. It’s a great way to gather information before visiting with a doctor to discuss birth control options. Call the Health Center for more information. Alex Ramirez

Good Deeds Publisher Michael Huereque Account Executives Nick Lorges Emily Faeth Art Director Jessica Caraway Ad Designer Terry Kennedy Editor–in–Chief Sarah Neve Copy Editor Daniel J. Frimpter Campus Writers Amanda Chappel Luke Winkie Sports Writers Brian Bogart Entertainment Writers William M. Bass Sarah Vasquez Karissa Rodriguez Brett Thorne Elijah Watson Arryn Zech

Yoga for me, yoga for you How many of you have thought of yoga as a privilege? Let me rephrase: how many women out there have thought of yoga as a privilege? If you didn’t know, yoga is a health and fitness tradition that was traditionally designed for men. Back in the day, if a woman wanted to practice yoga, she was forced to leave her community and abandon her family. It’s only recently that western women have flooded yoga studios and integrated yoga into their daily routines.

Have you ever thought of yoga as a privilege?

might not readily have access to a yoga mat. As a privileged college student, you might not think twice about having yoga available to you, but the truth of the matter is that there are many people in our society who don’t have access to this calming, meditative and beneficial exercise routine. In order to spread yoga into places of limited access such as homeless shelters, prisons, schools and recovery clinics, Eastside Yoga, in partnership with Community Yoga Austin, is holding a

Eastside Yoga feels that more people need to know about the sexist roots of yoga. Eastside Yoga, which is a popular east Austin yoga studio, feels that more people need to know about the sexist roots of yoga in order to continue spreading it throughout the community of women as well as to people who

fundraising film screening and bake sale. Yogawoman will explore the male-driven past of yoga as well as spread light on the politically subversive nature of women practicing yoga. Specifically, this fundraiser

will help bring no-cost yoga classes to east Austin’s Kealing Middle School. Kealing Middle School is one of only four magnet schools in Austin. For those of you who don’t know, a magnet school is designed to shape the minds of some of the best and brightest students in their community. Since magnet schools create a blended cross-section of the brightest students in their district, many of them might very well be from low-income families who might not be able to send their children to regularly scheduled yoga classes. Even if you’ve never practiced yoga, you’ll be able to chomp on delicious cookies, watch a cool film and enjoy the peaceful, serene atmosphere of this eastside favorite. Amanda Chappel

Friday, April 6, 7:30 PM Eastside Yoga, 1050 East 11th St Suggested Donation: $5

Circulation Jeremy Tooker CONTACT PUBLISHER Highbrow LLC ABOUT UWeekly Austin

UWeekly Austin is an independent publication and is not affiliated with the University of Texas at Austin. One free copy per person. Additional copies may be picked up at our office for .50 each. Opinions expressed are those of the writers/authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff or publishers of UWeekly. Not liable for omissions, misprints, or typographical errors. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. © Copyright 2012 Highbrow, LLC | April 4, 2012


Wednesday, Apr 4

Events on or around campus

Men’s Tennis Baylor, Waco, TX, 6 PM

Thursday, Apr 5 Baseball Texas Tech, Lubbock, TX, 6:30 PM

Softball Missouri, Austin, TX, 7 PM

Friday, Apr 6 Baseball Texas Tech, Lubbock, TX, 6:30 PM

Softball Missouri, Austin, TX, 7 PM

Women’s Track Florida Relays, Gainesville, FL, TBA

Men’s Track Stanford Invitational, Palo Alto, CA, TBA

Women’s Track Florida Relays, Gainesville, FL TBA

Men’s Track Stanford Invitational, Palo Alto, CA TBA

Saturday, Apr 7 Baseball Texas Tech, Lubbock, TX, 2 PM


Tuesday, Apr 10 Baseball Texas A&M-Corpus Christi, Austin, TX, 6 PM

Missouri, Austin, TX, 12 PM Brian Bogart

Spring bazaar!

Student Fest

April 4 Spring is here! Spring is here! Can you believe it? Spring is here! Well, you’re not the only one who knows it. The Caribbean Students Association knows it, too. That’s why they are putting on a just-for-you spring bazaar complete with hula, limbo, prizes and more. Come on down and cool off, mon. East Mall, 11 AM-5 PM

April 5 ’Tis the season for festivals, isn’t it? Join the Blanton Museum of Art as they hold their spring edition of Student Fest. It shall include a plethora of fun, exciting and (you guessed it) creative activities like buttonmaking, a photo booth, poetry and outdoor film screenings. That’s not to mention all the free food. Blanton Museum of Art, 8 AM-10 PM Valid Student ID Required

Tosh 2.0 April 5 Stand-up comedian Daniel Tosh will be headed our way and not quite here to stay this April 5. That leaves you not a lot of time to figure out your game plan for going to see him. Lucky for you, he performs twice in one night. Bass Concert Hall, 7 PM & 9:30 PM

Austinist Indieroke April 5 This is exactly like karaoke, only better. It’s better because not only is it sponsored by the Austinist, but it’s also going on down at The Mohawk. That should be enough to get at least a few of you hipsters swooning. The Mohawk, 9 PM


April 4, 2012 |

Tea Ceremony April 6 Right along with this week’s theme of festivals, the Japanese Association is tossing their hat in the ring, too. So come join them for a night of performance, food, games and more. Gregory Plaza 7-10 PM Amanda Chappel


Air It Out

Photos and Interviews by Brian Bogart

That’s what she said. If you could bring three things with you on a desert island, what would they be?

Dear Middle-aged women with her kids at a west campus bar, Are you lost? Did it not feel weird to you taking the baby carrier out of the car in the parking lot of the bar where everyone else was twenty years younger than you and wearing bright neon? What happened to get you to this point? I’m legitimately interested. I watched you hang out with your kids and fellow middleaged friends until way past a reasonable bedtime for your children and get drunk. One of you was breast-feeding on the patio. Now, it’s totally natural and beautiful and whatever, but you were drinking a fucking beer. I just wanted

SUBMIT TO AIR IT OUT! 1. Everything Anonymous – Not only are we giving you an opportunity to publicly air your grievances, we’re allowing you to hide behind the cowardly mask of anonymity to do it. So we don’t want your name. But we’re also extending that same courtesy to whomever you’re complaining about. If a wasted girl spilled food on you at Kerbey Lane, then call her “a girl.” We don’t need her name, date of birth, or UTEID. 2. Be Brief – Short and not–so–sweet is key. If you can’t say what you need in less than 250 words, than you’re rambling, not ranting. 3. Stay Specific – There’s a lot to be annoyed about on campus. We know. But please pick one issue, not seven, and avoid digressing. An open letter to whoever keeps shaving their pubes in the communal sink is good; a list of things you don’t like about living in the dorms is less so.

to let you know that you are what’s wrong with the world and that your children are going to be really fucked up and it’s going to be all your fault. Don’t lay that on me when I’m out with my friends. Also. Birth control. Seriously.

“I’d bring a water purifier so I could live, then I’d bring the astronaut’s reserve of food that they take with them and then I’d probably bring Antonio Banderas with me and I won’t say why.”

“A boat, a water purifier, and my phone.”

Victoria Shay

Julia Robb


You are such a bad mom it’s killing my buzz 4. Powerful Language – At UWeekly, we write our own rules. We’re down to say a naughty word now and again. But there is a huge difference between the rare, well–placed profanity and a barely literate Youtube comment. Your critiques should be at least a little bit more cutting than “blah blah blah is a *@#&!!!” 5. To Whom It May Concern – Air It Out is publishing your open letters, so don’t forget to address them as such. Did some douche lose his lunch the last time you rode the E–Bus? Then open with “Dear Dude Who Barfed on the Bus.” And just because we’re not giving out your name doesn’t mean you can’t let him know who it’s from. Just sign it, “Sincerely, Everyone Else on the Bus.”

“I would bring a guitar, and a canoe with paddles...not so I could escape the island but just so I could take a nice boat ride around the island to get some exercise... and a George Foreman grill.”

“I would bring marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers because I’d be content with some s’mores, a nice little fire, some quite solitude, and some sand between my toes.”

Megan McQuaid

Katie Folger

“A spear to catch fish, a castle to live in, and Johnny Depp.”

“A knife, a hairbrush, and a can opener.”

Josephine McAdam

Rebecca Fahning | April 4, 2012


Shootin’ the shit “Are the Cowboys the most overhyped and overrated team in any professional sport?” —Sam Kramer Fantastic question, Sam, and the answer all hinges on what kind of hat I’m wearing. If I’m wearing my fanboy hat, then my answer is “you’re an asshole”; but if I’m wearing my objective reporter’s cap, then the easy answer is “maybe.” I mean, it just takes a simple look at the stat sheet to see just how far removed the Cowboys are from their ’90s heyday: An 86-84 overall record in the last 10 years, only one playoff win in that span and only four trips to the postseason. Not exactly what you would expect from a team that’s supposed to compete for a Super Bowl every year. If you were to ask me what the problem is in Dallas, however, look no further than team owner Jerry Jones. We all know Jerry Jones, in all of his flamboyant-ness, just loves flashing the three rings he’s won since being team owner. What he doesn’t love mentioning so much is just how long ago those rings

were earned: ’92, ’93, and ’95. Now I know all dynasties are supposed to end at some point, but they’re at least supposed to get more than just one damn playoff win in that span. Now I’ll give credit where credit is due and say that Jerry Jones is one of the most

isn’t measured in tickets sold, it’s measured in Super Bowl wins. Although the Cowboys have five (represent!), JJ is simply too controlling when it comes to everything from personnel decisions to draft choices and it translates to poor performance on the field.

Now while the Cowboys are possibly the most overrated franchise in the NFL, it’s tough to say if they’re the most overrated team in any sport. successful owners in NFL history when it comes to perpetuating the brand of his franchise. After all, the Cowboys are far and away the most monetarily successful franchises in the league. But success for fans

Now while the Cowboys are possibly the most overrated franchise in the NFL, it’s tough to say if they’re the most overrated team in any sport. After all, Notre Dame, for all the championships they’ve won, have

been absolutely miserable for the last 15 years or so, compiling a 107-78 record since 1997, and yet they still find a way to be ranked top 15 in the pre-season every damn year. Even worse, they’re 2-10 in their last 12 bowl games! How they continuously find themselves in the BCS discussion every year I’ll never know, but maybe if they just win, oh, I don’t know, at least one BCS game I’ll sing a different tune. Until then, however, I’ll stand by my assessment that Notre Dame football can certainly give the Cowboys a run for their money when it comes to being overrated. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget about the New York Knicks. Seeing as how you fancy yourself an NY fan, I at least hope that one stung a little. Brian Bogart Want to Shoot the Shit with me? Email your questions to Photo: Kevin Croyle


April 4, 2012 |

Photo Bagumba




Oh Linsanity, we hardly knew ye. Mere weeks after he catapulted to superstardom, Jeremy Lin is now out for at least six weeks after having surgery on his injured leg. I don’t care how overplayed the New York Knicks are in the media, what has happened to them over the last two weeks has just been a run of absolute shit luck, and if you’re out there, Knicks Nation, I’m feeling for you. Spring football is such a damn tease. It comes around every year on just about the exact midway point between the ending of last year’s football season and the beginning of the coming year’s and gets it in our head that football season is right around the corner. Well, guess what? This year’s spring game has come and gone and football season is still about five months away. Time to officially start the countdown. Speaking of spring football, here’s a list of cool shit that went down during UT’s annual Orange and White game: David Ash had a sweet touchdown pass to Jaxon Shipley that connected right on the far corner of the end zone, DJ Monroe had two big runs that accounted for about 60 and 20 yards, Mykkele Thompson had a 99-yard kickoff return, and Connor Brewer turned in a surprisingly good display in his first public unveiling in a Longhorn uniform. Football season, get here. Now. Remember Ryan Leaf? The guy who went number two in the same draft that Peyton Manning was in and made his career being a professional NFL bust? Well he got arrested. Twice. In three days. Funny how only ten

years ago it looked like him and Peyton were poised for greatness only to have one of them skyrocket and the other one completely tank and then some. What were the charges against him, you ask? Oh, just burglarizing a home and stealing prescription drugs. Nothing OJ hasn’t already done. Moving on. Speaking of faded stars, remember that one Ubaldo Jimenez guy who was a total stud for the Colorado Rockies, even boasting a 15-1 record and a no-hitter two years ago? Well since ol’ Ubaldo got traded to Cleveland last season, things just haven’t been the same. He’s gone 14-20 ever since he caught en fuego two seasons ago and hit a new low just last weekend when he pegged former teammate Troy Tulowitzki on his left elbow with one of his renowned fastballs. While it’s no secret that there’s not a whole lot of love lost between the two ballplayers ever since Jimenez got traded, Jimenez is still claiming it was an accident. He’s about the only one whistling that tune, however, as his former skipper Jim Tracy said it was the most cowardly things he’s seen in his 35 years of baseball and the MLB commissioner Bud Selig even slapped him with a five-game suspension. Que lastima! Congratulations to Kentucky, you’re 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball champions. Although they appeared to be the best team throughout the year, all of that goes out the window once March Madness rolls around. All respect in the world to Kansas, as well, who fought their ass off all throughout the tournament but just couldn’t overcome the dominant interior presence of Anthony Davis. Brian Bogart

Why this year’s quarterback draft has me naming my articles after a Charles Dickens novel Another April, another NFL draft. While fanboys from all over the country gather around the Big Apple to find out what names they should be buying jerseys of, educated football fans should know that the draft is about one thing and one thing only: hype. What else can you say about an event that won’t even speak for itself until a few years down the road? People watch the draft for potential, and when it comes to developing talent, no position takes more time to master than that of the NFL quarterback. Then again, that’s what makes this year’s draft so intriguing. For the first time in the better part

Andrew Luck In case you haven’t already heard this about a thousand times, Andrew Luck is supposedly the greatest fucking thing to hit the NFL since Peyton Manning showed up as a fresh-faced rookie in 1998. So now that he’s packing his bags for Indy, that automatically makes the Colts a title contender, right? Not exactly. Lest we forget, even Peyton Manning had a learning curve of his own, and a pretty severe one at that, as he famously led Indy to a measly 3-13 season in his rookie year. But, then again, that’s what makes the great ones so great: They learn from their mistakes and find ways to win, which is exactly what Peyton did in being named to the Pro Bowl 11 of the next 12 seasons. So how does Andrew Luck fit into the equation? The answer is, pretty seamlessly. By all accounts, Luck, the bluechipper out of Stanford of all places, looks, acts and throws almost exactly like Peyton did back when he was merely just a touted prospect out of Tennessee. Hell, if anything, Luck probably even has more mobility to work with than Manning ever did. But, as we all know, it wasn’t just Manning’s physical tools that made him so special; it was his astronomical football IQ. Now I highly doubt that would be a problem for the Stanford man in Luck, who boasts more than


April 4, 2012 |

Photo: TonyTheTiger

his fair share of football knowledge and will only get better from here, but when Manning is the standard by which you are being measured, chances are you’re bound to fall short on at least a couple aspects of your game. Especially for a rookie.

Robert Griffin III The former Baylor star has seen his stock rise dramatically over the last six months. He went from being a phenomenal talent at

Photo: Ytoyoda

Great expectations

When Manning is the standard by which you are being measured, chances are you’re bound to fall short on at least a couple aspects of your game.

of a decade, two signal callers are entering the draft that won’t only be expected to contribute early, but to win games for their franchises from day one as well. With Andrew Luck almost certainly going to the Indianapolis Colts as the number one overall pick while Robert Griffin III is all but a lock to go to Washington as the number two pick, how can these two rookies possibly live up to the enormous expectations bestowed upon them before they’ve even taken a single professional snap? UWeekly breaks down the two quarterbacks and analyzes how they can possibly live up to the standards the media has already put on them.

an underachieving football program to a Heisman Trophy winner and projected number two overall pick in the draft in what seemed like mere moments. Griffin III is such a hot commodity these days that the Washington Redskins even struck a deal with the Rams to get their number two spot in the draft exclusively for the sake of drafting the Baylor Bear. The even scarier part (for Cowboys fans like myself, anyway), is that the Redskins are actually sort of a perfect fit philosophically for what Griffin III brings to the table, and in a Mike Shanahan offense, he could really thrive and make an impact almost immediately. Washington clearly likes what they are getting with the young man and will almost certainly be asking him to start this year. Now that RGIII is leaving the collegiate ranks, however, there are a few things he’s going to want looked at, namely his lower body mechanics. Sometimes the footwork doesn’t necessarily seem to be all there, as he is such a natural runner that he’s always ready to take off at a moment’s notice. But in the NFL you can’t afford to get into happy-feet mode or you’ll get in trouble real fast. Luckily for ‘Skins fans, however, RGIII is a highly coachable athlete who sincerely

Photo: Caesarscott

does want to get better every day. Given the natural gifts he has to work with, however, there’s no way of saying that that’s not exactly what he will do once he starts playing professionally. I wish luck to both quarterbacks as they both seem like extremely classy gentlemen of high character, but the second one of them plays against the Cowboys, I will be rooting for them to have historically horrible games. Thus is the nature of fandom. Brian Bogart

The other Texas sport UWeekly breaks down some of the Lone Star State’s most powerful baseball clubs If football is a religion in Texas, what does that make baseball? Call it what you will—a culture, a social landscape, a pastime—but no matter what you call it, the truth of the matter is that baseball is a huge deal in Texas as well. While football fans patiently await the off-season to end, another season of its own is starting to gain steam in both the collegiate and the professional ranks. Read on as UWeekly examines some of the more notable clubs in the Lone Star State and gets intimate with each and every one of them. Don’t worry, we brought rubbers.

Texas Longhorns Historically, Bevo is actually quite good when it comes to baseball. Besides winning six NCAA national championships, the Longhorns are essentially a baseball powerhouse and have been since before World War II. They’re basically considered

complaining. Especially head coach Augie Garrido, who mentioned early on in the year that with such a young team, freshmen all over the place would be forced to step up. So far they have, with somewhat mixed results, but as they continue to improve, so will UT’s chances of making it to Omaha again this year. Here’s to hoping, because these damn tickets I bought for one-way airfare to Nebraska are non-refundable.

Houston Astros Ever wonder why you hardly ever see anything written about the Astros these days? Well, it’s because they’re terrible. Whenever a club openly admits that their season’s success hinges more on progress instead of wins and losses, that just automatically sets the bar incredibly low when it comes to actual expectations for this squad. It’s not all bad for the Astros, however, as they truly are a team in transition. Besides

Usually when a team faces this many distractions heading into a season, especially if they’re fresh off a club-record 106-loss season, it generally means you’re in for another long season. a permanent fixture at the College World Series in Omaha every year. As far as this season is concerned, however, it’s no secret that this is simply not the best team UT has ever fielded—hell, it’s not even close—but it is becoming increasingly obvious that one thing this year’s team does have is immense heart and a whole lot of cajones. As long as they keep up that attitude, however, no one will be

playing in its first year under a new owner and new management, this will also be Houston’s final year in the National League as they make the move to join the American League next off-season. Usually when a team faces this many distractions heading into a season, especially if they’re fresh off a club-record 106-loss season, it generally means you’re in for another long season. It’s not all bad, however, as Houston literally

Photo: Keith Allison / Wikimedia Commons

has nowhere to go but up and are starting to load themselves with better talent. The Astros these days, however, are a far cry from the group that made it to the World Series just over half a decade ago.

Texas Rangers The Texas Rangers, media darling to just about every sports news outlet in the nation, have been enjoying some of the greatest success in club history despite the fact that they are now 0 for 2 in World Series with both of the championship losses coming in backto-back years. If you’re a true Rangers fan, however, you don’t let it get you down. After all, chances are you remember when the Rangers were a perennial punch-line in the baseball universe while playing perpetual

second-fiddle to the other pro franchise in the nation, the Houston Astros. Oh, how the times have changed. These days, the Astros can only hope to sniff the same kind of success the Rangers have been having ever since Nolan Ryan took over in the owner’s booth. That’s what makes baseball such a cruel mistress: the gradual degradation that can happen to a club over the course of a season. While that’s where the Astros find themselves these days, the Rangers have established themselves as perennial contenders and don’t look to be going away anytime soon. Here’s to you winning your first World Series, Texas Rangers. Few clubs in baseball are more deserving. Brian Bogart | April 4, 2012


Photo: Silva vs. Sonnen

This Week in face-punchin’

Silva vs. Sonnen II set for June What could be the biggest fight in UFC history is set, as middleweight champion Anderson Silva will defend his title against No. 1 contender Chael Sonnen for a second time. This time, however, the bout will take place in Silva’s home country of Brazil, and the event — UFC 147 on June 23 — is expected to break UFC attendance records, as it will be the organization’s first outdoor even in a soccer stadium. Engenhao Stadium in Sao Paulo will host the event, and with somewhere between 60,000 and 80,000 fans expected to be in attendance, the event will likely break the previous UFC attendance record of 55,000, which was set at UFC 129 in Toronto last year. Sonnen dominated Silva for more than four rounds in the first meeting between the pair at UFC 117 in 2010, but Silva pulled off a Hail Mary comeback, submitting the outspoken wrestler with a triangle arm bar in the fight’s final round. Sonnen has campaigned for a rematch ever since, but the second meeting was put on hold after Sonnen failed his UFC 117 drug test and was suspended from competition for six months. Since the first meeting, Silva has successfully defended his title twice — via knockout victories over Vitor Belfort and Yushin Okami — while Sonnen has picked up victories over top contenders Brian Stann and Michael Bisping.


April 4, 2012 |

The welterweights were in action on Friday at Bellator 63, as the quarterfinals of the Season Six Welterweight Tournament took place at the Mohegan Sun in Uncasville, Connecticut. Karl Amoussou made a statement in the night’s main event, punching his ticket to the semifinals with a lopsided first round rear naked choke victory over Ohio’s Chris Lozano. Amoussou will be joined in the semifinals by Bryan Baker, David Rickels,

After the hearing, Lawal lashed out on Twitter attacking the commission... and Ben Saunders. Baker outlasted veteran Brazilian Carlos Alexandre Pereira to claim a split decision victory in his welterweight debut, as he secured a takedown in the final 15 seconds that was likely the difference in a very close fight. Rickels kept his undefeated record intact, as the unorthodox submission specialist put away late replacement Jordan Smith in just 22 seconds. In the final quarterfinal, UFC veteran Ben Saunders bounced back from his loss in the Season Five Tournament final by putting on a dominant performance over the

outmatched debuting fighter Raul Amaya. The semifinals are set for April 27’s Bellator 67 and will feature Saunders taking on Baker while Amoussou squares off with Rickels. The tournament for “The Ultimate Fighter Live” rolled on with a live fight last Friday, and two of the early favorites to win the show squared off with just a spot in the quarterfinals on the line. Team Faber’s top pick Al Iaquinta outlasted Team Cruz’s Myles Jury with a comeback victory to remain in the tournament. Jury opened up with pinpoint striking and cage control to easily take the first round, but Iaquinta turned it on in the second round, claiming that frame to send it into a sudden victory third round. Jury looked gassed in the final round, and Iaquinta kept his momentum alive to advance in the competition. With Team Faber now in control of the fight pick, he selected undefeated submission specialist Mike Chiesa to represent his team against Jeremy Larsen of Team Cruz. That bout will take place live this Friday night. Former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Muhammad “King Mo” Lawal became the latest fighter to test positive for steroids following his January TKO victory over Lorenz Larkin. He was then suspended for nine months by the Nevada State Athletic Commission, and the suspension was upheld in a hearing this past week. After the hearing, Lawal lashed out on Twitter attacking the commission and was subsequently released from his contract by Strikeforce parent company Zuffa, which also owns the UFC. David McKinney | April 4, 2012

Rubber Repertory theatre group will guide you into the land of the unknown Going to strange places, whether mentally or physically, can often seem like a lonely affair. Luckily for those spelunkers of the strange who don’t like going solo, there is a Rubber Repertory show. Run by Josh Meyer and Matt Hislope, Rubber Repertory uses and abuses the tropes of theater, and sometimes just plain abandons them, to explore desire, sensory experience, perception and, most of all, fun. More often than not, these mad scientists like “to blur the boundaries between: art/life, high/ low culture and shit/sweet,” creating work that often violates our sense of taste and what we might deem appropriate. They have a litany of uncategorizable awards such as unique theatrical experience, unique theatrical innovation, and outstanding late night adventure. However,


it seems Rubber Rep are recategorizing the uncategorizable with their new show, Jubilee. The only thing revealed by the press release is that it “is a non-stop, non-narrative, and nondenominational leap of faith,” a leap of faith that apparently includes singing and dancing.

shows are about,” said Meyer. “In Jubilee, there’s singing and dancing and some very attractive performers wearing (and not wearing) pastel clothing, and that’s all I can promise.” However reticent Meyer is to making promises, the audience is unconsciously promised to have

Our shows are usually marked by pushing past something or setting up some sort of impossible challenge and just seeing what happens. However, the duo isn’t taking some sick pleasure on withholding the content of their latest creation; but, rather, its creators are lost on what they might have actually created. “We’re usually the last ones to know what our March 28, 2012 |

their conceptions toyed with, as all of their shows have undoubtedly done before. “For us, every show has to be some sort of experiment with audience expectations,” said Meyer. “We’re suckers for novelty and get such

a thrill out of putting something unexpected in front of people.” Likewise, it seems that Matt and Josh not only derive pleasure from violating the audiences’ conception, but their own through their throw-itagainst-the-wall-and-see-if-it-sticks creation process. “Our shows are usually marked by pushing past something or setting up some sort of impossible challenge or creating something that we’ve never seen and just seeing what happens,” said Hislope. For their recent show Jubilee, Rubber Rep is trying to escape its tag as the participatory theatre company in Austin, eschewing not only that but their penchant for the grotesque and more seedier side of life. In the past they have played out chapters of a woman’s biography (one chapter involved a dog licking peanut butter off of you) on the audiences’ bodies in

On your mark, get set... Texas Relays coming to Austin this

The Biography of Physical Sensation or letting the audience indulge in their most perverse, but legal, desires in The Casket of Passing Fancy. “We’re not going to touch the audience... Also, there’s also more of an attempt at beauty in this

Even better, a large part of Rubber Rep’s audience aren’t those looking for a typical night out at the theatre: Rubber Repertory’s original works leaves the Aristotelian conceptions (plot, character, spectacle) of what theatre should be back in

for four months, five days a week) their work has a playful and wideeyed quality to it, advancing into experience with the mindset of just being a kid in a sanbox. “You don’t feel like their work is pretentious or trying to have a

“We’re not going to touch the audience... Also, there’s also more of an attempt at beauty in this show than in anything we’ve made before.”


show than in anything we’ve made the 20th century. Instead, Rubber message,” said Brown. “They come before,” said Meyer. “It’s still visceral Rep’s audience mainly consists of from a true, exploratory wonder-like therebut really any good comes andIssensual, in a way that’s less that closed during last year’s 83rd TexasEverything Relays, “The cityand has those who are interested in novel place. is amazing out of the track and field event all and grotesque and annual more loving.” in 2007 there were reports really andwestrange experiences that weunconfirmed interesting to them.” never know asregardless Texas Relays? The much questionconsciously is often refuse Indeed, of how of fights Highland Mall. embraced the oratare prohibited William M. Bass answered half-heartedly. Thethere event from is like a in our people might be reluctant to go Although the spectator sport has often relays,” said having daily lives. for running and, just Austindo been withSXSW two very strangejunkies gentlemen, Mattlike the“They praised for itsjob impact AfricanLinder in a a really brilliant of on young Thursday Apr 05, 2012 8:00 PM shares love-hate relationshipcombining between the andfestival, Josh’s work has aasort of cult following Americans, event much 2010 article abstractthewith the has caused Saturday Apr 21, 2012 8:00 PM out-of-towners and Austinites. around the city, garnering fans from all real,” said Brown. controversy throughout was $15.00 with The ”They have a way ofthe years. SuchTickets: Although Texas Relays bring in over theatre demographics andthe taste brackets. the that casenormally when Highland Statesman. creating doesn’t Mall closed their The Off Center, 2211-A Hidalgo each year, and “I40,000 think people the work that they dogenerates is elicitan doors early after “They have a response in straight plays.”the fights that occurred. Austin, TX 78702 estimated $8 million local businesses, incredibly important, wayfordifferent Many sawwhile the move as racist; Austin NAACP not promoted At the same time, Matt and For more information: amountI’ve of road thanthe anything seen closures in ages,”and saidobnoxious President Nelson Linder the event like Josh approach their craft with an spoke with the cheers and chants can be overbearing. Jubilee cast member Jen Brown. city council shortly were after it happened and they have intensity (rehearsels for Jubliee Multiple streets were partially or completely protested the mall’s closure. Austin City | April 4, 2012 | April 4, 2012



Wrecking shop

An Auto Body experience Electronic glitter settles upon an anxious crowd. Transfixed by the lights, they stare, movement queuing in every tense fiber of muscle. Like so many deer caught in neon headlamps, they will inevitably be overtaken by eighteen wheels of dance appeal. The speaker horns hit. They move as one. Considering the band’s ability to whip fans into frenzy, it is fitting that the first concept

other’s chord progressions ever since. Originally based out of south Austin, Auto Body has a flair for the divinely weird. Just as their many influences before them, including Cut Copy and Justice, they mix the electronic with rock in a way that stands apart.

Their songs wash over the eardrum, with “Can’t Forget You” and “Closer to the Edge” leaving you feeling particularly fresh. The music hearkens to a night of frantically throwing your body around, an anthem for the closing of the day. for Auto Body began while partying. That is what Tibaut Bowman and Felix Moreno do; it cannot be helped. They were just two ‘friend-of-a-friends’ who started to talk music and hit on common ground. ‘I like French-electro.’ ‘No way, I like French-electro!’ They have been completing each

Their songs wash over the eardrum, with “Can’t Forget You” and “Closer to the Edge” leaving you feeling particularly fresh. The music hearkens to a night of frantically throwing your body around, an anthem for



the closing of the day. Get free downloads of their songs at Listen up and just try to not bounce along. Consider yourself dared. Unlike most recording artists they do not believe being signed is a necessity. The reason Auto Body makes their songs available for free download is that “people are going to get your music somehow, so they might as well get it from you in high-quality form,” according to Bowman. It makes sense. The electronic and indie scenes seem to grasp the “music as a resource” method versus


April 4, 2012 |

the old-school approach of music being a product to be packaged and sold, and fans really respond to it well. They will be putting this theory to test again when they release a new EP in May with launch parties to follow in both Austin and Chicago. The recording process operates on their own quirky terms as well. They make the pieces, play off of the other’s talent, fill in the holes, and eventually end up with a completed entity. Bowman works the software needed to track and style the Continued on Page 22 song. Moreno lays

Hidden in plain view The art of gay flirting

While enjoying a vodka cranberry last weekend at a favorite watering hole of mine, I was privileged to enjoy the fascinating mating ritual of two lesbians sitting at the patio table in front of mine. All stereotypical assessments aside, I could tell that these two were clearly gay. Call it intuition. Since I had never spoken to them and only observed them from across the way, how could I tell they were engaging in a longstanding tradition of lesbian flirting and generally feeling each other out? That’s easy. It was in their body language. For centuries, gays had to go about their forbidden ways in secrecy. Call it evolution, but included in our queer RNA is the ability to advertise our interest to another queer without being noticed by the lynching mob. This silent dance of the sugarplum fairies has been crafted and perfected over time. Without even knowing it, many of today’s gays dance to the same soundless mating call. Here’s how.

Group dates The quickest and easiest way to get a date with someone you like is to casually and nonchalantly invite them to a group outing. That way, you’re sure to see them, but the meeting is without the usual pressures of a date. There’s also a lowered risk of rejection. While it would be best for the group to be a mix of queer and straight so as to not upset the delicate balance of a group’s homeostasis, gay groups are okay only if you know your love interest is gay, too. If you’re still trying to figure out their true orientation without being too upfront, invite them into a mixed group. Hanging out in the group is the perfect opportunity to assess a person’s true feelings. Do they single you out? Do they pay more attention to you than anyone else? Most importantly, do they reciprocate the invitation by inviting you somewhere hopefully a little more private? If you answered yes to any of these questions, the person you asked out is most likely interested in getting to know you.


April 4, 2012 |

$656 million US lottery split three ways Three lucky lottery ticket participants will be sharing this year’s record $656 million US lottery. The winning tickets, dispersed in Illinois, Kansas and Maryland, have made these unnamed nobodies into multimillionaires, with each one receiving $105.1 million if they decide to take their winnings in one lump sum. About 1.5 billion $1 tickets were sold, and the $656 million jackpot replaced 2007’s $390 million. In a way, everybody wins: half of the lottery money goes back to ticket holders in the form of winnings, 35 percent to state governments and 15 percent to retailer commissions and lottery operating expenses. For those lucky three newly-made millionaires, welcome to the One Percent Club.

Lindsay Lohan ends probation Flexting Flirt-texting is different than regular texting or sexting in the sense that it isn’t overtly sexual, but it is gently flirtatious. You can flext with a seemingly straight person to test the waters. Depending on how they react will determine your course of action. Flexting with another gay person is most effective when you aren’t sure if they’re into you or not. If they aren’t currently expressing interest in you, this is the perfect way to plant the seed and water it. When at all possible, be sweet and kind in your flext; that way, if it backfires, you can claim they misread your intentions. The length of time it takes for a person to respond to your flext should also be considered when assessing the other person’s interest in you. Still not sure what constitutes a flext? Let’s go over some examples: A flext: “Hey. You should come hang with us on Friday. We’re going to help out with this fundraiser for homeless animals. I’m pretty sure you’d like it because I know all animals love your open, warm, amazing heart.”

Photo:r irrational_cat

Urine-soaked eggs a tasty spring treat In China

From her fire-crotch flops and nightclub escapades, Lindsay Lohan has come a long way. The actress was released from probation this past Thursday, ending a five-year-long probation that kept Lohan under a very watchful eye. Lohan’s reckless living finally took its toll when the actress was arrested for drunk driving and possession of cocaine back in 2007. Now, it seems Lohan is ready for a comeback; besides posing for Playboy and being a host on “Saturday Night Live,” the actress has an upcoming guest part on TV show “Glee” and a TV movie role as screen legend Elizabeth Taylor. Welcome back Lindsay, and please, NEVER make a movie like I Know Who Killed Me ever again. Thanks.

Yes you read that correctly. The unique springtime delicacy is a favorite in the Chinese city of Dongyang, utilizing a very interesting key ingredient that would leave many disgusted and repulsed. The urine, collected from primary school toilets, is a large component in “virgin boy eggs.” The procedure takes an entire day: The eggs are soaked and boiled in a pot of urine; following that, the eggs are cracked and placed back in the urine to simmer for hours. Apparently the springtime snack has many health benefits, including helping with blood circulation and decreasing body heat. You only live once; might as well try a drenched-in-piss egg. Eli Watson

Not a flext: “You should hit me up sometime. I think there’s something going on Friday. You should come.”

Not a flext: “Man, I can’t make it tomorrow. Sux. I was looking forward to getting to spend time together just you and me — no distractions.”

A flext: “Sorry I can’t make it tomorrow, but let’s get together the next day. I’m so bummed I have to miss an opportunity to hang out with you :( I was really looking forward to seeing you.”

Silence The majority of flirting that happens between gays, especially between gays in mixed company, happens in silence. How do two gay people go about flirting with each Continued on Page 22 other without

celine suarez Chris Priestly on the company forum. Well played, sir. Well played.

Beware of high markups in local game stores

Angry Birds Space I never expected for the hugely bastardized brand of Angry Birds to come out with a fantastic new game. For a long time, Rovio has been milking that Angry Birds cow until it became a cultural nightmare. I mean, the logo has just been put on so much merchandise it’s ridiculous. There’s Angry Birds band-aids and Angry Birds gummies. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made condoms. Their newest addition to their ever-expanding game collection has sparked a new hope for the brand. Angry Birds Space has made me remember what was so fantastic about the game in the first place. You get all the same characters, but instead of flinging them towards piggies on the ground, you fling them at planets (with the green pigs, of course). What’s cool is that you can make the birds go into orbit. You have to remember that in space there’s nothing curving your trajectory like gravity. Once you reach a planet’s atmosphere your flight begins to curve and you orbit until you reach the ground. It’s a whole new aspect for strategy, and getting three

like “No matter what color you choose, they all taste the same” and “We rage because we love.” This was definitely a more creative way of protesting, and most everybody won’t say no to a free cupcake. Unless they were secretly poisoned in protest. If that was the case, then BioWare made sure to let some children take the fall. BioWare actually donated all 400 of those deliciouslooking cupcakes to a local youth shelter. (Insert Futurama Fry Face.) Not sure if I should Last time I checked, protests are usually hate BioWare or applaud them for donating filled with petitions and angry signs, cupcakes. I’m sure those cupcakes not cupcakes. The ending of must’ve been hard to turn down, Mass Effect 3 was so shitty mainly because they came that a group of gamers from gourmet pastry shop Not sure if I got together and sent Fuss Cupcakes. So why BioWare, the creators did they turn down free should hate of Mass Effect 3, 400 cupcakes? Because “the BioWare or applaud cupcakes to protest. reason that they were They managed to raise sent was not done in the them for donating $1,000 for this conquest. context of celebrating the cupcakes. User LoganKey on the work or accomplishment of BioWare forums wanted to the Mass Effect 3 team,” said attach notes on the cupcakes, BioWare Community Coordinator stars has become harder than ever. If you were getting sick of just flinging birds at numerous buildings, then this may be the fresh start you need. Not to mention that these little birds in space have gloriously ridiculous sci-fi outfits that are reminiscent of Revenge of the Nerds.

Mass Effect 3 gamers protest with cupcakes

I’m currently on a mission to purchase for the SNES. Super Mario Kart Interestingly enough, when I went to Resurrected Games at the Dobie Mall, the sales associate looked at me like I was stupid and said that game doesn’t exist. We all know about Mario Kart 64, but there is, in fact, a game preceding that which is equally as difficult as the N64 version, if not moreso. After disproving him with Wikipedia, he lazily yelled over to his other associate, who then mocked his stupidity. She proceeded to call me over, telling me that they had one copy left. It was grimy and badly discolored even for an old SNES game. What was even more shocking was the price. $44.99 for a sticky SNES game. Needless to say, I declined politely and left. There was a buy-two-get-one-free sale going on, but with those prices I could’ve bought three games and had money left over. I know these games are so expensive because of the nostalgia they hold, but isn’t $45 a bit much? I mean, if I went back to the ’90s, there wouldn’t be much of a price difference. Just because I had one bad experience at a local gaming store doesn’t mean that they are all created equal. In fact, I had the pleasure of stopping by the Play N’ Trade on Anderson Lane. A Groupon allowed me to buy $20 worth of video games for only $10, and the associates were more than happy to help me out. Unfortunately the game wasn’t there, but the prices were much better than Resurrected Games. Super Mario 3 was only $20, as opposed to the super high markups I’ve seen. If that isn’t cheap enough for you stingy gamers, then make sure to visit the flea markets. They had Super Mario Kart for $15. Hit them up last after shopping around. I can guarantee you that they’ll have some gems for a decent price. Celine Suarez | April 4, 2012


Continued from auto body Page 18

down the meaty key-chords for processing. The forging of an Auto Body tune consists of tweaking and returning the track to each other until one of them, usually Moreno, puts their foot down and says, “Enough! Let’s perform this.” And, boy, do they. Auto Body shows always have killer lighting to stuff your eyes with. Their first gig was an after party for Ghostland Observatory in New Braunfels where they set up their gear and rigged a massive LED (light-emitting diode) light show in the trees. They furtively hid it all away, waiting like audio predators for the right moment to pounce. Just as everyone settled into the low-key vibe of the party, after a long evening of GLO, Moreno and Bowman ambushed the crowd unawares and rocked their weary socks off. The idea of a perfect show for them is during the dark of night with a full crowd vibing off their sights and sound. Feeding off the energy, the beats grow stronger and more captivating. Auto Body would rather break even monetarily and provide something extra on a killer show than phone it in and make more bank. They want the displays seen from space, and they come close to this complements of Matt “Jonezy” Jones of their lighting company Synaesthesiax. If the band had a credo it would be something like “Let there be (more, more, more) light!”

Auto Body has been steadily building their name by playing the festival circuit, including a Blue Stage spot at last year’s FunFunFunFest in Austin, and building significant fan bases in Chicago, Austin and New York. After moderate success, Bowman moved his home base from their Austin roots to the electronic mecca of Brooklyn. It had been a dream of his to surround himself with the music and lifestyle that he loves so much, one he finally fulfilled. Being so far away has not removed the affection for Austin, however. Not too long ago, Bowman was himself a student at The University of Texas at Austin. He worked on his musical craft during his downtime after classes. Completing school saw a hobby turn into a passion and he has not looked back since. Longhorns past and present attend Auto Body shows in town and this means a good deal to the band. Bowman says the following about his strong alma mater support: “I may have long since graduated, but we still get a great showing from UT students. Hook ‘em, Horns!” Their fire still burns deep for Austin. With

so many familiar faces attending their shows here, paired with the pressure to make each Auto Body homecoming better than the last, they keep the relationship fresh. When prompted to discuss the feeling he gets during their many returns to Austin, Bowman has no difficulty finding the words: “Unbelievable, heartbreakingly awesome!” Their shows become fleeting reunions of friends long unseen. To whom it may concern, these guys love you. There will soon be another of these reunions, as they will be coming back on April 28 to play Nocturnal Wonderland in Apache Pass. They will no doubt bring the noise for the home crowd, per usual. Updates to their shows are posted through their Facebook ( autobodymusic) and Twitter (twitter. com/#!/auto_body_). Check in and be sure to catch these guys. See you there! Landon McCampbell

When they did talk, they made short bursts of eye contact. When it comes to eye contact, there are two primary signals to watch out for. Short, furtive eye contact; and prolonged eye contact. Short, furtive eye contact happens when one person is too nervous or afraid to really be seen by the other person, or to be caught checking another person out. If you’re generally too nervous to make normal eye contact with another person, you’re probably into them. Prolonged eye contact is for those of us who are more bold and direct. They know what they want, and they

aren’t afraid to let the other person know. Lastly, one of the two lesbians didn’t move much once her arms and legs were touching the other’s. She did this as a way to stay available to the other lesbian and to send the signal that “she’s here” whenever they wanted. As with most relationships, one’s usually more interested than the other. In this case, the one who was stiff as a board and who didn’t move seemed slightly more nervous and more interested than the other. I’m not sure how it turned out, but I wish them both the best of luck. Amanda Chappel

Auto Body would rather break even monetarily and provide something extra on a killer show than phone it in and make more bank.

Continued from PRISM Page 20

drawing attention to themselves? Easy. It ’s all through subtle touch and nonverbal communication. Going back to the couple I referenced before, how did I know they were flirting? For one, they sat close enough together to touch arms and legs, but they did not talk directly to each other very much. By making that kind of bodily contact and by not focusing on each other, they were signaling to each other they were interested without giving themselves away to the crowd.


April 4, 2012 |


Photos: Eli Watso






ALL DAY EVENT | April 4, 2012


nkfurt Photos:Tweety Fra


The local

400 East Sixth Street

2610 Guadalupe Street

the stage

508 East Sixth Street

the stage

508 East Sixth Street


April 4, 2012 |

chupacabra 400 East Sixth Street

Beauty Ballroom 2015 E. Riverside Drive

nkfurt Photos: Tweety Fra

the stage

508 East Sixth Street You’re this week’s winner! Contact us on Facebook to collect $25!*

The local

Beauty Ballroom

2610 Guadalupe Street

2015 E. Riverside Drive

chupacabra 400 East Sixth Street

The local

2610 Guadalupe Street *If your face is circled, you’re this week’s winner of Barstars! Contact us Mon through Wed (9–5 p.m.) to collect $25 cash! (Be sure to Facebook us to let us know you won!)

For more party pics, go to | April 4. 2012


Super Crossword

Crypto Quip This is a simple substitution cipher in which each letter used stands for another. If you think that X equals O, it will equal O throughout the puzzle. Solution is accomplished by trial and error.


April 4, 2012 |

tea party

Clue: v EQUALS t


t-bird & the breaks

bringing out the chunk

T Bird and the Breaks is one busy band. They released an EP, Dancehall Freakin’, on March 2 and now they are leaving Austin on April 6 for a monthlong tour around the country. So UWeekly pulled out an interview from the archives with the band at FunFunFun Fest in November. There the band discussed where that self-defined “chunk” sound comes from and what they do when they’re not performing.

How would you describe your band to those who haven’t seen you before? Tim Crane: We have a three-piece horn section, three girls to sing backup vocals and dance, and a rhythm section of bass, guitar, drums, and I sing. It’s takes a lot of influence from old-school soul, funk music of the ’60s and ’70s and kind of is updated with a newer energy of songwriting. We throw a good show. Gonna get everybody moving. It’s all love.

What brought you together to make this kind of music, I think you call it “chunk,” instead of the general garage rock type of stuff? Sam Patlove: Tim is really the spark as well as the main songwriting force of this band, and I think it’s just our taste. It was the music we wanted to make. Tim and I used to have a rock and roll band back where we used to live in Massachusetts, and before that, he had a hip-hop album he put out. Our taste is more broad than the music we play now, but when we put the band together, we listened to a lot of old stacks and stuff like that. TC: Sharon Jones. SP: Sharon Jones, right. The soul movement that started in early 2000s. We were very inspired by all that and as we evolve, I think, we’re bringing more and more of all of our influences to the project. Cody Furr: I think it’s the overlap of all of us, really. We all like a bunch of different stuff, but the overlap of everybody seemed to be, in 2007 when we started this, was what we all could sit around and talk about and were excited about. We all like a lot of different types of music, but at that moment in time, we found each other, and we were listening to that together. So we started making that.

So what is the writing process like with all these ideas throwing around?

How do you ring them all up together and make it all on the same focus? SP: I would say that, first of all, from a songwriting perspective, Tim writes 95 percent of the material. For every song that becomes a T Bird and the Breaks song, Tim probably has 10 other songs at least that he’s written. So we continue to find out what all our talents are and we just work that way. Tim can write a song, and he can bring it in and tell us how it goes. We learn it, and we add our own flavor on it. When it’s recorded, it might become a different song even at that point. But it’s really just a shared process, but the original songs mostly come from Tim.

“We throw a good show. Gonna get everybody moving. It’s all love.” TC: Johnny (Allison) and Sam have written some stuff, and it’s real collaborative.

What have you been up to lately? CF: It seems to me like our focus has shifted a little bit from our live shows. We, for a long time, that’s what we did. We recorded. We made live shows. We started to branch out a little bit more and think about other media. We started making videos. We started to reach out to people to collaborate on new things, like remixes from DJs and just open up the whole idea of constant content on the Internet. While we’re doing all this, we’re working on new music and new sounds and new shows, like a new aspect of the show. We’re kind of in the process of tweaking that and perfecting that until we can release the show to the

Photo: Sarah Vasquez

public. In the meantime, the behind-the-scenes videos and new music and remixes and all those sort of things, that’s all happening. That’s what we’re putting out now while we’re getting ready for the new show. We’re working hard, but there’s a lot of work going on, but the live show aspect has definitely taken a backseat to the other things while we kind of get a new one ready.

What kind of videos are you producing? CF: It’s all over the place. SP: These are really our first actual videos in four years. Not necessarily by design, but we didn’t get to it until now. We have to give props to Knuckle Rumbler who we started working with. Aaron and Jill. They just really helping us logically put it all where we want it to be. CF: Also, I think, we have since the beginning done everything in-house. We found this collective group of people that works really well together. We all have our talents and our downfalls, but the combination of us is really, really powerful, so we do all the videos ourselves. We do all the recording, engineering, producing, playing all the instruments. Everything is in-house. It’s been difficult in ways to compete with people who are working with seasoned pros. I think that our material that we’re releasing—videos, music, whatever—it’s us. We do everything, and I’m proud of that. Sarah Vasquez | April 4, 2012




Computer Error:

The worst CGI in movie history


Pure X

@ Bass Concert Hall

@ Red 7, 611 E 7th




►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars

The Well

Yonder Mountain String Band

BiPolar Bears



Datri Bean

Mike MacRae

Dead Celebrities Ball

Nazi Gold

Acid Mothers Temple

Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey

James Younger Gang

Childish Gambino

Humpty (Theatre)

The verdict is in: The Alamo is sending CGI to the electric chair and Rick Perry is too busy toasting coyotes with his laser-sighted flamethrower while on a run to grant it a pardon. Consequently, the Alamo is giving CGI its last meal by exposing it for all its worth. The screening will display highlights from some of the worst CGI of all time, crucifying Shrek, Jar Jar, and Buzz Lightyear in a mind-melting orgy of CGI fluids.

Will bass

Daniel Tosh Anyone can make witty comments about idiotic YouTube videos. Even YouTube videos involving cats are getting in on the action in a meta sort of way. Nevertheless, before he was being a smartass on Comedy Central, Daniel Tosh was being a smartass in front of a live audience doing standup. For those unfamiliar with his act, Tosh look likes Bob Saget’s wholesome nephew but has the wit, crassness, and mind-bending one-liners of any comedian that was raised in a Discovery Zone, surviving on a diet of Mountain Dew and Skittles.

@ Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6th

The top events & shows in Austin this week


Jo’s Coffee, 242 W 2nd

The Mohawk, 912 Red River Eastside Showroom, 1100 E 6th 29th Street Ballroom, 2908 Fruth St. Red Eyed Fly, 715 Red River

29th Street Ballroom, 2908 Fruth St. Red 7, 611 E 7th Cap City Comedy Club, 8120 Research Blvd Chain Drive, 504 Willow St Stubb’s, 801 Red River

One need not look to Brooklyn for the next big thing. Austin has been fertile breeding ground for marquee indie acts over the past decade, such as Okkerville River, Spoon, Shearwater. In spite of being a place for upstart bands who soon go on to get their own fifteen-minute clip of themselves on TMZ drunkenly running over a photog in their benz, Austin’s music scene is still generating great bands. Just look just look at Pure X. These slackers deliver some crunchy, blissedout tunes that will leave you in a purple haze.

Stubb’s, 801 Red River

Barbarella, 615 Red River The Madison, 615 Red River Parish, 214 E 6th

Vortex, 2307 Manor

April 4, 2012 |





2815 GU







Arthouse Garden Party @ Arthouse Austin, 700 Congress

Time to explore Arthouse Austin. No, we’re not talking about that stall on the 3rd floor of the PCL, but, rather, the contemporary art space downtown. Design your own cupcake and bring your own picnic, all while looking very sophisticated.

Karaoke Apocalypse @ The Highball, 1120 S Lamar

Improv Comedy: Oh! Science @ Coldtowne Theater, 4803 Airport Blvd

►►Also Worthy


Sahara Lounge, 1413 Webberville Rd

Andrew Jackson Jihad

Did you get kicked out of rock n’ roll fantasy camp for dowsing your guitar in kerosene and lighting it ablaze? Did your high school band send you to detention for playing a Ted Nugent song on your tuba? Luckily for you there is now an opportunity to let your inner rockstar come out and OD, but on karaoke. The Dead Motley Sex Maidens will back you up with their chops on live instruments as you show the world who the real Whitney Houston was.

For those not pushing little children out of the way so that you may gather the most colored eggs this Sunday, there is something a little less cruel but still funny: Coldtowne’s improv troupe, Oh! Science. Better than having to put some of your bevo bucks in the collection plate at church, this show is free. Better yet, it happens every Sunday for you funny-loving freeloaders.

►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

All My Friends (LCD Soundsystem Tribute)

Zlam Dunk


Gospel Brunch

►►Also Worthy

Jubilee! (Performance Art)

Junior Brown

Terror Tuesday

No Mas (Art Opening)

Jazz Brunch

The Hold Steady

The Whalers

Danny Malone

Dick Dale

Seaholm Power Plant, 214 W 5th Off Center, 2211 Hidalgo St Co-Lab, 613 Allen St

The Mohawk, 912 Red River

Singles (Music Monday) Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6th


Free HIV, hepatitis, and syphilis test

Tickets: Free

Beauty Ballroom, 2015 E Riverside

The Mohawk, 912 Red River

The Mohawk, 912 Red River Stubb’s, 801 Red River Continental Club, 1315 S Congress Nutty Brown Cafe,1225 US 290 Hotel Vegas, 1500 E 6th St

@ Mitchie’s Gallery, 7801 N Lamar

No one wants your diseases. Drop those drawers for your fellow wo/man and make sure you are not the source of the problem.

Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6th The Mohawk, 912 Red River Red Eyed Fly, 715 Red River | April 4, 2012


Maggie Mae’s 323 East 6th Street ►►Chuggin’ Monkey

►►The Library

219 E 6th

407 E 6th

$2 wells/domestics

$1 domestics/wells, $2 imported bottles

►►Blind Pig


317 E 6th

415 E 6th

$2.50 wells/domestics

$2 you call it

►►Dizzy Rooster

►►Mooseknuckle Pub

306 E 6th

406 E 6th

$2 domestics/wells/jello shots

$2 Anything

►►Cain and Abel’s

►►Bikini’s on 6th

2313 Rio Grande

214 E 6th

$3.50 bombs

$12 Beer Buckets

►►Darwin’s Pub

►►Mooseknuckle Pub

223 E 6th

406 E 6th

$2 wells/domestics from 12-9 PM

$2 Wells/Domestics til 11 PM

►►Mother Egan’s


715 W 6th

208 E 6th

$3 Guinness

$2 vodka bombs


►►Blind Pig

If there was ever a bar that I had a total love/hate relationship with, it’s Maggie Mae’s. I speak from experience because in my younger days (ok, so maybe it was just a year ago), I was out with my cousin on Dirty Sixth and she wanted to hit up Maggie Mae’s. As a 20-year-old on Sixth Street, however, I didn’t know just how strict the place was with fake IDs, and after handing my own fake to the bouncer, he made me get on my knees and beg for it back or he was going to call over the cops that were standing just a few yards behind me. Even though my cousin pleaded for mercy, it was no use as I was forced to get on my knees and exclaim, “Please, oh please, may I have my horribly fake ID back?” I took very little solace in the fact that the crowd was booing the guy the whole time and calling him an asshole. Obviously, not one of my best moments—in fact it was one of my worst—but I feel comfortable writing this now because, while I’m getting an education and continuously building for a successful future, that bouncer is, and always will be, nothing more than an asshole doorman. I know that this whole review on Maggie Mae’s just turned into one big hate letter to this dipshit excuse of a human being but it’s something I’ve been meaning to get off my chest for a while and now I’m glad I finally did. So fuck you, doorman, I hope you’re getting as many kicks as you can humiliating college students because it looks like this is as good as it’s gonna get for you from here on out! Oh yeah, and go to Maggie Mae’s. It’s fun. But for the love of all things holy, make sure you’re 21 first.

Brian Bogart

►►Buffalo Billiards

401 E 6th

317 E 6th

201 E 6th

$3 Bloody’s/Screwdrivers, $2.50 Tecate

$2.50 Wells/Domestics

½ price apps; $1 off select drafts


►►The Ginger Man

►►Maggie Mae’s

417 E 6th

301 Lavaca

323 E 6th

$1 Schnapps

Logo Pint Night

$2 Wells

►►Mi Casa Cantina



503 E 6th

409 W 30th

1004 24th

$0.50 wells, $2.50 margaritas until 11 pm

$5 Mexican martinis

$2 Tecates and Modelo Esp. $5 Deer and Beer

April 4, 2012  

UWeekly Austin April 4, 2012

April 4, 2012  

UWeekly Austin April 4, 2012