The Ocean Looks like Static in the Night

Page 1


August8,2024

ThiscollectionofpoetrywaswrittenattheUSCWrigleyInstituteforEnvironmentand SustainabilityonCatalinaIslandduringafour-weekintensivecreativewritinglab. Writ in Water wasthetitleofourcourse,andwedidindeedfindtheoceanuponourpages.Manyofthese piecesareinspiredbytheenvironmentofCatalinaIslandandfurtherinformedbytheexpertise ofprofessors,Wrigley’seducationalstaff,andthestudentsofenvironmentalstudieswhoshared thecampuswithus.Thesepoemswilltakeyouintothewaves,tothetwilightzoneandback.To aridgelinetraversingtheisland,andtoabisononthesideoftheroad.

WeareincrediblygratefultoallofthestaffattheUSCWrigleyInstituteformakingthismonth oflearningpossible.ThankyoutothosewhoattendedourPoetryReadingUndertheStars,held duringthethirdweekofclasses.AndtotheWrigleycommunicationsteamforsupportingthe publicationofthiscollection,wearedeeplythankful.

Finally,noneofthiswouldhavebeenpossiblewithoutthewisdomandguidanceofour professor,Dr KatharineOgle.Shetaughtustolookdeeplyattheworldandtellthestories writtenonitssurface.Ourliveshavebeenforeverchanged.

Sincerely,

VirginiaAkujobi-Egere

MaximusAllen

MarioCastellanos

ZabrinaDowner

SophiaHammerle

DavidLlenderrozos

LuisaLuo

ZacharyWhalen

Contributing Authors

Contactusatstaticinthenight@gmail.com.We’dlovetohearfromyou!

Yourcitypollutedbodyseeksrefugefromtheverylandithelpeddestroy Theneedleofyourmoralcompassseemssluggish. ExhaustyourbodyandswimacrosstheSanPedroChannel. Lettheseasaltcleanseyourvesseland thecurrentofthewavesblessyou.

ThegaribaldiglowshallguideyourpathtoNirvana.

Climbthetallestmountainsandallowyourfeettogriptheearth. Feelthesiltfillthespacebetweenyournailsandskin. Andasyousitinthegrittynaveloftheisland, besuretostackyourspineandsqueezeyourcore. Foldyourlegsinandbloomthebaseofyourlotus. Anointyourtempleswiththefatofwhitesage.

Peelbackyourskinandringitdry;revealyoursoul. Useyourremainsasfertilizer.

Letitdecomposeandreturntotheearththatbirthedit. Poppyandfennelnowsproutfromyourashes.

Thesoul’seternaldancebetweendeathandrebirth. YoushalllivethroughCatalinaforever.

Zabrina Downer

SeasickAnchovy

Blue. Blue.Bluegray Bl—green?!Green? …Blue–green. Blue,blue,blue.

Friends?Silverfriends. Bluemakessilverfriendsblue–silver. SilverfriendsnotsilveruntilintheGREATBEYOND. Up,up,up. Sparkle,sparkle,sparkle.

Blue. Bluetakescolor. Stealsprettysilver. BluewantsONLYBLUE. ONLYBLUE,FOREVER.

Iknownot-blues. Pink,yellow,green,red,purple! IseethemintheGREATBEYOND. BlueHATEStheGREATBEYOND. AndtheGREATBEYONDhatesme.

Up,up,up. Sparkle-sparkle,sparkle. Hurt?Hurt-hurt. Cold-cold.

Bluebelow,teasing.Mean. Scared.

BIGSCARED. Silverfriends.Red.

Blue. Blue,blue,blue. Onlyblue. Onlystay. Bigsad.

Big-big-big-bigORANGE?ORANGE!

ORANGE-ORANGE!ORANGE-ORANGE! ORANGEFISHKILLSBLUE WINNERFISH!PERFECTFISH! ORANGEFISH,ILOVEYOU!

Zachary

QuailEggs

Saran-wrappedwatersspeaktousthroughvinesofdried-outkelp. Thelittleorbsthatoncehelpedthemfloatnowlaywashedup, andbakedbythesun,inclustersonthesand; Frecklesoftanontheiralabasterskin, Strickenwithvitiligo,itsbitsarechippingofflikeoldpaintonawall.

Theseahasdeliveredusquaileggs. Ourrumblingbellieswereheardbytheearth. Thecoastisbrimmingwiththepromiseoflife Inshapesofovals,almonds,andgrapes Thoughthey’reabrasiveandbrittlelikewafers: Remindersoffoodintroubledtimes.

Andso,theseahasdeliveredusquaileggs, Onlyitforgottoputinthealbumenandyolk. Theyarehollowandbarren. Thereliesnofutureintheirshells. Theseahastrickedusandtauntsuswitheachwave, extendingitsarmsoutforahugandthenrunningaway.

Mario Castellanos

Icouldneverbeacreatureofthesea,formybodyistooboundtoland. Mybodylackstheaquaticeleganceawaterboundlifedemands. Fingersandtoespossessnowebs;armsandlegsarefarfromsleek. I’mgladI’mbiggerthanananchovyforapelicanwouldsnapmeupintoitsbeak.

Toblurthelinebetweenlandandwater,oursnorkelwasmeanttocause. Buttheclumsinessofmywetsuitwrappedroundmyneckdidgivemepause. Saltysprayuponmylipsandnoseleftafoulaftertaste, Pullingmymindawayfromthepromptweweremeanttochase.

Thebuoyancyofthewetsuitputabarrierbetweenmeandthedeep. Itcouldnotbebridgedorbreached;fromsurfacetobottom,itwasmuchtoosteep. Thefishbelowmeslicedthroughthewater,glidingwithoutacare. Iwonderiftheynoticedoursingle-mindedstares.

Thatdoesn’tmean,however,thereisnocreatureI’dwanttobe. Hell,Icouldevenchooseonethatlivesrightupagainstthesea. Butitwouldbenofish,orshark,orseal,thoughtheirappealisnotabsurd. ToliverightnexttotheseaI’dprefertobesomekindofbird.

Theideacametomethisafternoon,afteralengthywalk. ToTwoHarborswehauledourselves,standinghighabovetherocks. Mymindwastensewithworriesofwork,anditneededtimetoslack ButthisrevelationstruckmeasItooktheshoreboatback.

Thesaltyspray,thecoolseawinds,thatblewacrossmyface Endeduptransportingmetoanentirelydifferentplace. Tobewithwings,andaquilinebeak,unfurledlimbsinvokingflight. Tobeentirelyunburdened,hollowbonesmakingmefeather-light.

Alifeofflight,ofrockycliffsandnestsisonethatIwouldwant. Toenterthisstateofmindwasamuchsimplerjaunt Thantoinvokeacreatureofthedeep,whichfeelssofar. TootherlivesIwishtonowleavemymindajar.

Immobile

LastJuly, Iplantedmytoesonthesideofacliff Andmysandalsblewawayinthenight

Rootssproutedfromtheveinsofmyfeet AsIstoodthere,shaking, Watchingaspider-websinkintoitself

Thatwhirlpoolofsilk Abandonedamongbranches ToldmeIhadtogrowtosurvive

SoIstrayedfromthetrail(Ilistened) Andwrappedmyselfinhissheets,hisbedstraw Seedsslippedintomyscars

Didyouknow Thatthemostvulnerablepeople Aretheoneswhostaystill?

Thegentleonesevolveintoprey Preyand“topray”arealmostspelledthesameway OnlyGodcantastethedifference

Foxescravethecactusfruit Sproutingfromourtongues Thesweetestpredatorsonlykissyouwhenit’sdark

Ibranchedoffmyboneswhenhewhisperedmyname Andsplitmyowncellswhenheaskedmetostay It’sscary:howquicklyourbodiescandistortthemselves

Buttheskysmelledlikestarswhenitfilledmynostrils Andthefountaingrassgrewfromtherootsofmyscalp Andmyshudderingbreathbecamethebirds

Didyouknow Thattheoceanlookslikestaticinthenight Andthatlonelinessisgenomic?

Iwanttoburymyselfinthedirt

Covermyhands‘tilltheynolongersearch

Covermyheart‘tillitnolongerfeels

Morphological Spiritual

Actual change

Iwanttoknowwhatthatissomeday

Maximus Allen

Giantkelpconsumesme.Toothedbladescling halfheartedlytomybody’sfabric.Iflipover likeananimalborninwaterandfloat aboveadarkorangeforest.

Whowould’vethoughtthatdelightneededamuscle? Thatjoywastheheaviestofhumanimpulses? Butifyouaskmeforareasontogetoutofbed, I’lltellyouoftheslimybladeof Macrocystis pyrifera thatkissedmyleg.Ofthedeepceruleanblue surroundingtheunderwaterforest,whichgleamsatmidday withthecolorofthesun notahue,butaboldness.

This,theearth’slargestalgae, ofthekingdomChromista. FromtheAncientGreek khrôma,forcolor. It’safittingtaxonomyforthecacophony ofpigmentsthatrolloffthetongue: olive,amber,burntsienna. Terracotta,copper,gold.

I’mtemptedtocallitgreen butthisbrownalgaeglowsyellow-orange. Chlorophyllmasksitspigmentinthedeep, wherecolorsoflightdisappearinrainbow Redisthefirsttogo,scatteredearly Whatcolorwouldyoube,ifdeterminedbyyourdepth?

Andasifthiswillkeepyoualive,Icontinue: TheorderPhaeophyceaetranslatestoduskyseaweed, aphrasethatevokesnotthecolor buttheelusivenessofthecolor, theever-changingcreepingofsunset.

Changeisfoundationalwhenyoulive amongthetides,butparticularlyforacreaturesolarge. Ondayswhencurrentspullstrongerthanusual, awholeforestcanlayflatontheseafloor, erasing,momentarily,awholeecosystem.

Wesayakelpforest,butalsoakelpbed, andbothtermsshareagroundingintheearth: agardenbed,arestingplace,theoceanfloor

Asdowehumancreatures,whocrawledfromseatoland totrees,toland,thenseaagain.Inasense,wecametwice toearth,tosolidground,totheworldbeneathourfeet.

Iwon’ttellyouthathere,floatingonthesurface, cradledbyunseenforestsofthedeep,Itoothink ofdrowning’sfatalgulpofthick,transfiguredair. Iwon’ttellyouthatIswimoutuntilIfeel attheedgeofoblivion.Iwon’ttellyou thatthedangerhereisintheallureofabsolution, seekingtobeheldbytheabyss.

SoasIlaymedowntosleep, Igivemysoultotheoceandeep.

Thepullofthetideissostrong thatakelp’srootballiscalledaholdfast, whichsoundslesslikeapartofanalga andmorelikeaharkeningcommand: asin, hold, fast! tothesouloftheocean, andtothislifewhichisyourown.

Clingtotheworldlikearootmass: stuck,hard,dense,yellow, totheoceanfloor,tothebed.

Sophia Hammerle

WitheringLeaves

“Iusedtowalkamilefromthebusstoptothehouseeveryday NowIstruggletowalktothemailbox.”

Thisismygrandma'sfavoritelinethesedays.

Ofcourse“mailbox”isperiodicallyreplacedwithavarietyoflocations. Alwaysmetwithconvenientlydeafearsandeyesthathatetoseeitsownkind.

Asifnotacknowledgingmygrandma'sacceptanceisinevitable,adolescentregressionwillslow orevenstopitsprogression.

But,still,intheabsenceofreplies,thatmilebetweenthebusstopandmyfamilyhomeiswhat shewillholdontoforever.

Atimewhenthestrengthofherbodymatchedherambitions. Onthehiketodaymymindwastheengineformybody. EachinclineIdugmyheelintothegraveledpath.

Anetworkofmuscles,calves,hamstrings,glutes…propelledmeforward. Ifeltstrong.

Onthewaybackdown,ourentiregroupclimbedthistreethatlookedasthough,inthatmoment, wehelpeditfulfillitslife'spurpose.

Barkthatseamlesslyfitintothetreadsofourshoes. Limbsthatcradledourbottoms.

Weeachnestledourwayintothetree'screvasses,filleditwithlife. Lookingbetweenthecontortedbranchesofthetree,IsawatmypeerswhomIhadonlyknown forafullday.

Butinthatmoment, mypeerswhocasuallycastoutwordsofwisdomandwhosesoulsseemtowandertheearthfor decadesregressedtotheiradolescentselves.

Tightlygrippingontothebranchesthatsupportedusandswingingourfeet, Icouldn'thelpbutthinkofmygrandma.

ThiswasamomentIwouldholdontoforever

AtaleIwouldtellwhenmybodystartstodictatemyambition. AtrueDelight…

Toageandrecognizehowyou'veagedisablessing.

Itisaclearindicationthatyouryouthwasspentbeingbraveandfeelingstrong.

Zabrina Downer

Foreground

There’saferociousrepetitioninthepatternofyourwaves

Likewhenthefrothfromtheseabubblesoveratthewaterfront Constantwooingandwailing,backandforth,pushandpull

Andthislastsforhours,sometimesdays,sometimesmonths,sometimesyears Youractionsattheforegroundofitall

Incessantlybeggingtocreepforward,toreelitin

Involuntaryliketheocean,becauseIknowyoudon'tmeanit Reflexiveenergypropellingyou,forcingitselfontothesurface Revealingitselfthroughtherippleofeverywavethatcamebeforeit

Thenextmotionalwayspredictedbywhatprecededit Andsothisiswhatyougiveme,butthisiswhatIget. Predictabilityandforcepairwelltogether

Everythinginthefrontofthepaintingmakesiteasytospot,tointerpret Icansitwithitalittlelongerandanalyzethewaythebluepaint Isdrippingoffthesidesofthecanvas Icanseewheretheillustratedwavesarerepetitive, Wherethefrothbecomesneverendingandsharpandstrong Andifyousquintclosely,youcanseewhereIwrotemyname. Thedarkbluepasteloftheoceanalmostdisguisingtheblackofmyink Withthesuggestionof“Illustratedby”or “Createdby”“drawnby”“Artby”“Madeby” Me.BecauseIdrewyou.

Andmynameisattheforegroundofyourpainting. Gettingwashedawaybyyourstrongwaves

ButIdrewotherthingstoo,there’smoretooceanthanwave Iknewthat.Istartedthispaintingwithintention,withknowledge Aboutseashells,andkelp,andboats,andsnorkelers,anddolphins Awareofallthesethings,andIpaintedthemtoo It’shardtoseeoverthedarknessoftheforeground PerhapsIchosethewrongshadeofblue Ashadetoodeeptorenderwhathearkensbeneaththewave,onlythewave. Onlytheblueandonlythewater,andonlythewave Attheforeground,thatIdrew,thatIpainted, ThatIperhapspropelled.

Virginia Akujobi-Egere

Mamasaysweusedtohavefins

Andthatwecrawledupontheislandfromtheocean. Anditwassohotandthefoodalldry,andtherewerebigTallMen. Wewantedtogobackrightaway!

Butourfinsshrunkrightupinthesun!Andturnedintohooves Thatsank,andsank,andsank Andnowwecan’teverescape.

Sometimes,shelooksfunnywhenshesaysthat…

Wemustabeenprettyunluckytohavefoundthisplace,though! Thefoodsyucky,andthere’sneverenough But,Mamasaysthisistheonlylandinthewholeworld, AndIbelieveher!

Mostlykinda.

Sometimes,Iseetall,graythingsfaracrossthesea Andmamasaysthey’rejustcloudsbeingsilly,but…Idunno.

And,and,don’ttellmamathis,butIlookoutattheoceanatnight WhenI’msupposedtobesleeping AndIcanseesomanylittlelightsallbunchedtogether Rightabovethesea.

Ithinkthat’swhereweusedtolive Intheplacewhereallthelightsare.

Oneday,I’llgobackthere.

I’mgonnagrowbigenoughtohopacrossthesea, BounceoneachlittleislanduntilImakeit! AndI’llbringmymamatoo.

CauseIdon’tthinkshelikesithere,either. ShegetsallscaredwhentheTallMencome Andwehavetohide.

It’shardtohidefromthebangshere. Theearthissotiny;therearen’tmanysecretspots. Andwelostourfins.Wecan’tgoswimminganymore! ButmymommyandIaregoodathiding Andwhenshecurlsupnexttome,Ifeelsafenomatterhowmanybangsthereare!

Sometimes,though,whenwestophiding,there’sbloodontheground Andmyfriendsaregone,orbroken,andI’mnotallowedtolookatthem Andonetime,Igotbloodonmyearandcouldn’tgetitoffforaweek!

Idon’tlikeitwhenthathappens.

IheardMamatalkingtoAuntielastnight. ShesaidtheTallMenwon’tletusleave, Thattheywantustrappedhere tokillusallonebyone, whenevertheywant!

Butthat’snotgonnahappentous. I’llsavemymama!

I’lltakehersomewherefaraway! Wherethere’smillionsoflights,andsomuchfood, AndlotsandlotsofplacestohidefromtheTallMen! Somewheresobig Wenever,everhavetoseethemagain.

Zachary Whalen

TheRanger

Iwasunbotheredbythebuzzingbees andflauntingfliesuntilnow Iwastoobusyexperimenting withmyclairvoyancetoopenupasixthsense, aspecialtytotransportmyconsciencetothepositioningofthebison.

Trucksdrivingbywereconsideredanoccasionalraresight. Thedriverpauses—forafewseconds— towavehi,inadvertentlyquestioningourbizarrebehavior: standingonthesideoftheroadwithnotebooksinourhands.

Thepondisfencedofffromthelandanimals. TheBisonherdsmigrateacrosstheterrestrialroute, Likenooneisleftbehind;andnooneishurt.

MyintuitiontoldmeevenwhenextinctionloomsonEarth— anexistentialdread—thereisstillthefainthope: onemaleandonefemalewouldsurvive, proceedingtomakeahappyfamily.

Ortheymightaswellbreakthecurseofevolution. IfIwastakingcareofthem, I’dtransferthemthesuperpowerofasexualreproduction. Eachcreatesanewlineagelineonitsown. Everyoneisanancestor, andthedescendantsoutlivetherestofus.

Theymoveslowly,notrushing, toreachthenextstop. Everystepisadeliberatemeasure. Thegroupscattersacrosstheplain, nocommunicationoraunitingmoan, Justthehumpingofthehorns, Solelytelepathicwavelengths todescribetheirintentions. Theirtriangularforeheadsandpeakingbacks, aggressivefeatureswithacalmattitude.

Thereisnoneedtotenseuporattack; nothreatsandworries.

Thebrokenholeinthemetal-wiredbarricade signalsthatsomecourageous“oddones” haveescapedthedefinedborderofwhere they’dbeallowedtoexist.

Wheredidtheyrunoffto?

Perhapsstartinganewfarmbrandedwiththick,rustyfur Andasignatureslowwalk.

Iwouldtrespassthesebarrierstobefriendthem, notdisruptingtheirrestfulpeace unlikethechirpingquails.

Icouldevenworkattheconservancyasaranger, Asmallheroforsomebiganimals, chasingbugsattheendoftheirtails.

TruthfullyIamspoiledandbratty, unaccommodatingtothegeorgiclaborofthecountryside. Fortheloveofthebisons, Ishallputasidemyprejudiceasacityrat andembracetheseexuberanttasks.

Luisa Luo

Cradle

Waterfloatsinthesky asfog.Inthedistance, blueisdeciding whetheritbelongstoseaorair

Athin,translucentlayerhovers likeasheernegligee,onlytheideaofacolor. Thentumbling,grasping,thickening.

Floating,whichistosay, Sinkingalittle,too. Beforewebreathedair wewereswimmersinourmothers’wombs.

Andtheland,bornfromthesea, letstheocean’stouchlinger, longingforthatancient,liquidembrace.

Waterfloatsinthesky, andhilltopshide underfog’sdenseblanket,sleepingin.

Eachsunriserevealsthevariousways landmayemergefromitsovernightrest, sometimesfallingoffthemattress, orforgettingtomakethebed.

Whenwasthelasttimeyouwokeuponthefloor?

Asachild,itwasmoreoftenmymother onthegroundbesidethecradle, wrappedinatoddler-sizedcomforter, pettingmyarmgently,likewaves lappingashore,afteranightmarerockedmeawake.

Thosenights,beforesleepcaughtuptome, hertactilelovefeltinfinite. Andturningback,Irealize thehillsaren’twrappedinbedsheets.They’reclinging totheirmother’sarms.

SpidersintheDecompressionChamber

Whathappenstothespiders

Inthedecompressionchamber?

I’msurethey’llsaythechamberstooclean, Thatnoarachnoidscouldpossiblyhavemadetheirwayin Soilingthesterilewallsandtools…

Butweallknowthat’salie. Nowhere’stoocleanonthisisland

Spidersinthehair,spidersintheshower,spidersinthelifejackets,spidersintheair.

Or,they’llclaimthespiderstoodelicate, Thattheywouldneversurvivethepressure

Eightlittleeyesbulgingoutoftheirheads

Bodiespoppinglikepaintballsagainstthewalls…

Butweallknowthat’salie. Thespidersherearehardy

Survivinghands,shoes,paddlesforcanoes Alittlepressurecouldneverkillthem.

No,therearespidersinthedecompressionchamber

Ipicturethemwithgoggles

Andlittlescubamasks, Wigglingtheirjawsasthechamberdescends Eyeswide.

Andwhenthechambersettlestheyscurryforwardsluggishly Likerunningthroughagluetrap,belliesskimmingthefloor

Theylaughastheytrytospintheirspidersilk, Creatingtangledbirdnestsonthefloor.

Andiftheirthreaddoesmanytolatchontoatableorunfortunatesleeve, Alltheycandoisspinhelplesslyasthebottom

Likechildrenontireswings.

Yes,thespiderslovethechamber

Theyraceeachotheracrossthefloor,stumbling,tumbling,laughing, Unawareofanycrisishappeningabovethem Drunkonnitrogen.

Whenthechamberdooropens,thespidersscurryout

Theweightsloughingofftheirlittlebodies;theypracticallyfly Theirparentsask,“whatdidyoudotoday?”astheyboundbackhome Stillhalfdrunk.

Andthespiderssay,betweenleftovergigglesandhiccups “Itwasgreat,itwasgreat!” “Today,wewentswimming.”

Zachary Whalen

I’llimaginetonightasamaritimeadventure,adivingexpedition, Abioluminescentpartyleaguesunderthesky Tonight,theoceanisanopenbar; Onemartini,andI’m40feetdeep Pulsingwithgoldenjellyfishtothepelagicrhythm. *Nss**Nss**Nss**Nss* Thesong,alittlemuffled,butthebassisinmychest.

5drinksmore,andI’mintheTwilightZone, Inanoutlineofadream,surroundedbymarinesnow Inanill-litabysswithintrudinglaserlightsandthingsthatglow. Blacksmokersfillthedancefloor, Bodiessweatingfromtheheat, Addingsaltiness,mass,andwarmthtothesea.

NowI’mflirtingwithastrawberrysquid Whileheavinginthethinningair. Withimpairedreasonandwit,Iedgeclosertothedare Butmypartnergetstherefirst, Acloudofinktomyfaceinaheady,toxicburst.

Ishouldfeelheavy,butI’mlight, Risingslowlyfromthefog,fromthetemporarythrill Ofanightoutinthedark.

Mario Castellanos

Vegetableoil.Oilandwater Meateater,animallover,Imustadmitit’sironic.Praisingsomany specieswithonesideofmymouth,whileshovelingthemintotheother

Chickenthighs.Disembodied,theymadequitethejourney,fromslaughter,toshipping,to serving.Youdidn’tevenhavetowalkonyourowntwofeet.

Sesameoil.Itstillplantsaseedofdoubtinme,thishypocriticalconsumption.Itmakesthemeat sourwhenswallowed.

Soysauce.Sometimesit’seasytoexcusebeingacarnivore.Withallergiesorpreferences,Ican pushitallundertherug.ButIknowthatIhatetryingtokeepitupfortoolong.

Oranges.Iadmit,thetasteoffleshismuchmoresatisfyingthanfruit.Itstainsmyteethina differentway,Icanonlyhopethatitdoesn’tstainmysoul.

Brownsugar.Sweetnessleadstorot.Cavitiesoftheconscience,frettingoverthehypocrisyofit all,shouldIgovegetarian?Vegan?

Vinegar.Itisabittertruth,hearingwhatslaughterhousessubjectanimalsto.Cramping,disease, rampantcruelty.Canyouloveoneanimalandnotacknowledgetheothersonyourplate?

Eggs.Ican’timaginebeingborntodie.Havingyourbodymangledformeat,mincedintopaste, markedforsale.

Cornstarch.Ourhandsarethickwithbloodweneversee.Notjustthesufferingofspecies,butof man.Sinclair’sjunglewasnevercutdown,wejustfeelembarrassedtalkingaboutit.

Salt.Theocean’swatersdolittletogivedistance.Boatsdonotgiveabigenoughboundaryfrom thesecycles.I’msickofpickingbonesoutofmyteeth.

Scrambler

Thescrambler of mythoughtsandmy core, whiskingmywholebodylikeeggyolksonaskillet, throwingoffmysenseofbalance,stirringup myvitalforcewithnauseafromthesea; D R A M A M I N E istakenforreliefandtokeepthescrambledeggsIateforbreakfastinsideofme.

Mario

I’vealwayslovedcookies.Maybetheyweremyfirstlove:

CookiesthesizeofmyheadatTheAirportintheSky Cookiespairedwithhotcocoa afteranightofsnorkeling.Sweatingorshivering,sunburntorstuffedinawetsuit,everytimeI eatthemIamthinkingofus:thesoftnessoftime,thenakednessofstars.AndIthinkchocolate chipsarekindoflikestars.I’veseenthembefore,buttheylooklargerouthere.Let’sfloatonour backsandwatchhowtheytwinkle.Areyoulisteningtome,Eli?

Don’ttrytospeak.Justfocusonmyface.Listentothewordsastheyfallfrommylips: lastnight,withmyearssubmergedinwater,Itriedtotakeabite.ButIwasneverableto.You burntmytonguethreeyearsagowhenyousaidyouweren’treadyyet.Ijustwantedtotastethe wonderandthegloryofsomethinglongdead,thousandsoflightyearsaway.Longdead,dead long;thatphrasesoundsmiserableasitmeltsinmymouth.Andalittlepieceofmecrumbles everytimeyoulookaway.Haveyouevernoticedthat?

SoI’llgiveyouachallenge,onetoremembermeby:dipacookieintoacupofwarm ocean.Swallowandletitslipintoyoursinuses.Doesittasteofsaltorsweetness?Sweetness. That’stherightanswer,Eli.AndI’dliketobelievethatI’masweetperson.Myheartwasfresh outoftheovenandmyarmswerereadytoembraceyou.Butwesatinthesilence,andyourskin turnedred,andIstillrememberhowyourfrecklestastedlikechocolatechips.ItoldyouIloved youandyousaid“Me,too.”Butnotinthesameway.Itwasnotinthesameway.

AndItoldyouhowyouhadreformedme,whiskedmetogetherinthedarkofyour kitchen.Youshapedmewithyourhandsunderneathmyshirtlikemineshapedthewaves, bioluminescencesparkling.Andlastnight,IthoughtitwassweethowIgottoseethoselast breathsofsunlight.Theybakedthedarkenedskywiththeirorangeandpurpleflames,colorsthat remindedmeofyou.AndIlovedthatplace,andIlovedyoutoo.

Thesweet.Thestars.Thedark.Lastbreath.Lastbite.Lastnight.

Tongues

PulverizedEarth

Graycrystalthatcrumblesinmyhand

Itfeelslikebakingflour,andleavesbehind Smallspecksofdustandglitteringremnants

It’ssupposedtobethere,

Amongsttheothershimmerystoneandweeds Fittingsosquarelyinyourpocketofrock

Youmakefenneljealous, Butyou’renotlikeeachotheranyways

Therocksfacetheoceansoblueandboisterous

Thetexturebeneathmyfeetarockyoatmealcookie AndwhenIbitintoit,mytoothgotwiggly

Andthewigglemadethewavesmove, Mirroringmytonguepushingandretreatinginsideofmymouth

Thelargebluetonguegrowsshy

Andstaysstillforafewseconds I’mremindedofMalibu, Watchingthewavespushandretreat Iremembergrowingshynexttoyou Iremembertongues. Swarmmelikethewarmair, AndI’llletthebuzzdevelopingonmyskinlinger I’llleteverythinglinger

Virginia Akujobi-Egere

ParticlesofSilica

Siftingthroughtheclutterofmymind,Ifailedtofind animpressionofyou.

Myeyesgotoutthehabitoftracingyourfigure, myclayremembersyoubetterthanIdo.

Fragmentedsediments,boundtogetherinliquidthat solidifiedanimpossiblefuture, likeslipbetweenmyfingers,imagesofusslipmy mind.

Thetextureofmyclayrubsmyskinraw, roughirregularartifactsofyouinadequately pulverized.

Theamberofmyclaycomplimentsthebrownhands thatformit.

Likehowyourlaughtercomplimentedmyjokes, butyourcactus-likeskinneverallowedmetogettoo close.

Wishingtobescarred,tohaveaspikeofyoursforever inmyskin.

Myclayresistsasmygripgetstighter, desperatetocreateformfromwhatisn'tthere.

Notworthyofbeinginterruptedorstopped.

Discardfailedattempts,makeroomformore.

Zabrina Downer

Whenyougoogle“DiatomaceousEarth,” thefirstthingthatpopsupistheinsectkiller called“FoodGrade.”Ioftenwondered iftheEarthwouldbesad,knowingthatherbody wouldbemadeintopesticidetokill creatureswhoarealsoherchildren.

Humansorpests,we’reallrelatives. Imagineaformofhomicide,notcausingexternalinjuriesbut takinglivesbyforcingonetolosetheirlipids, dehydratetheneventuallydie. Themostlethal,viciousformofbrutalitythatexists.

Ireadaboutthisagriculturallensoflookingatdeath, thenIthoughtaboutmyown.Howcruelisit, toextractthemostessential,life-supportingfluids outofmylimbsandtorso,discardingthem intheformoftearsinlarge,bean-sizedroplets.

Whenmyspiritsweaken,Ipatchupmymalnourishedskin withsharpsewingneedles.IfIstitchalittletoohard, itmaydeflateintoajunkofrawpinkflesh withnorealsubstancesunderneath.

Ibecomesodesperateforliquids,Iforcedowngallonsofseawater inamatterofseconds.Thenvomitfromthesalt untilit’snauseatingtoopenmymouth, myopinionsweren’tconsultedeitherway Sojustleavemehere,aloneanddesiccatinginadrought; deterioratingbythedayuntilthereisnomoistureleft, andItoobecomedisposedonthesideofthestreetlike thetrashbagsofbugcorpsestheremovalcompanyforgottothrowout.

JudgingYou

IfItellthisrocktogetupandmove,you’dthinkIwasbeingmeantoit–so commanding,socaughtupinperfectionismthatIcan’tsitstillandappreciatethenatural configurationofthelandscape.IkeepthinkingI’mbeingshoutedat:“Leavethatrockalone!” Exclamationpoint.ExceptI’mhereallbymyselfwithnoonetokeepmefromjudgingthisrock. Judgingitfornotmovingandstayinginplaceasthestrongwaveswashoverit,perpetually disturbit.Judgingitforturninggreenandslimyfromtheseagunkthat’sinfecteditssurface, shadingitssleekexterior,otherwisesomethingthatwouldhaveremindedmeofanexpensive kitchencountertop,likemarbleorsomething.Itsitstooclosetothewater,thelargeunknown,to whatincessantlyannoysit,whatruinsit.SoIjudgeitforthis–foralwayscrying,wetandshiny fromtearsfallingdownitssidesasthewavesmonstrouslycrashuponit.Andonthisrockabout threemetersaway,I’msittingwiththeotherrocks,thesmarterones,thegroundedones,the guardedones.Asafedistanceaway.I’mjudgingitfornotmoving,fornotsittingfartheraway. Comejoinmecrybaby,saveyourself.Wipeoffthegunk,letthesundryyourtears.ButIcan’t moveyou,you’reunmovable.SofornowI’lljustsitandwatchyou.

Virginia Akujobi-Egere

Performing

Areyoulonely?Areyoulonely?

Icaughtyoustaringatme,withyoureyeswide yoursterncollidingwiththerock. Didyousailtothebayforme?

Ordidyoudesertyourhometowntorunawayfromyourbride? Wanderingsolateatnight,aren’tyouscaredofshipwrecks? Iheardit’sdangerousoutthere. Holdon,don’tgohideunderthedeck, evenwhenstormcloudsroar,it’ssafewhereI’msitting. Dryandcozy,wecouldevenmakesometeaoutoftheseaweeds.

Comeclosertome,withaplausibility

Workwithyourpaddles,strideintome. Tellme,youngman,whyaren’tyouhappy? Youlockyourbrowsintightknotssostiffandsomber likenosoftpattingcansmoothoutthelayersofsorrow.

Moveclosertome,soyoudon’tgetsweptbythewaves, soviolentandfurious,whoisittryingtodissuade?

Doyouheartheraindrippingloudly, penetratingtheearthwithforcefulteardrops?Thisoceanusedtobeadesert. Don’tworry,Iwouldneverhurtyou,chainedbymyimmobility, Yousee,myarmscouldonlyreachsofar, butmyheart,thepulseofmyspiritunderthissuit isreadytoconnectwithyou.

Wheredidyoucomefrom?Whoareyouraccomplices?

Isharemydearestcondolencefortheirdisappearances, aslongasyoudon’tlookfaraheadtothesacksofbonesinsidethecave. Teachmemoreaboutyou,mypurposeistoserveyou. Shareaboutyouralcoholicmotheroryourstonerfather howtheymistreatedyou,defeatedyourfaithandweakenedyourmasculinestrength. ButIadmireyourtonedmuscles, armssovigorousyoucouldtossandturntheship. Fleshsoappetizing,Icouldingestitall.

Whyareyoufleeingfromme?Stay!Stay! Icouldconsumeyouwithoutanypain andIpromisemysisterscouldnottakepart, nomatterhowmuchtheyachedtoprey Youaremyaudience,mylistener,andmydinneronly, performingbymyselfisnofun,sopleasehearmysong.

Luisa Luo

Toeffaceatabletistoerasehistory

SometimesIwishtoerasemyown. I’dleavemyselfintact,allIwanttoberidofisthestubbornumbilicalofmypast.

It’sironicthatIwishforrebirth,butawombwouldsurelydrownme. Icannotstandtobesmothered,tobemothered,again. IlooktoVenus,assherisesfromthesea,andmuttertomyself, “God,Iwishthatwereme.”

Maiden,mermaid,mentalillness,Mom,areyouproudofme? IwishIcouldconvinceyou,buttheprosedesiredliesoutsideofanydictionary. Iknowyoudonotwanttoseememaimed. Originally,Arielcutherselfopentofindherownhumanfeet. Splitfrommiddletotoe,whatwouldittaketomendsuchawound?

I’msick.Amaskwouldsuitme. ButI’lldeclineatuxedo,please. Toomasculine,toooldfashioned,itwouldnotfashionmeanew. Fashion,feminine,fascism.Identitybindslikesomanymanacles.

IwishIcouldreadbackmyownwriting. Rather,Iwantitoverwritten,newscribblestodrownoutoldsentences. IshallmakethemtheDeadSeaScrolls. Toberediscovered,whenI’mready

David Llenderrozos

Ontheoceanfloor,sealilies,whichlooklikeplantsbutcanwalk,feedonthedetritusthatsinks fromshallowerwaters.Theearliestfossilofasealilyremindsmeoftheflowerofatrumpet vine,adeepreceptacletoppedwithfrillsofstamenandpistil.Thecreatureinthis five-hundred-million-year-oldfossilisacrinoid,fromtheGreek krinos,forlily.

Theirsisters,thefeatherstars,werethoughttobeextinctuntilwedovedeepenoughtoseethem again,livingatdepthsofuptothirtythousandfeet.Thedeepseaseemstoresurrectthefossil record,asifnothingreallydiesbutgoesonlivingintheabyssalplain.

That’swherelovegoes,atleast,sinkingtosomewhereitcanliveforeverevenafteritends.With featherstarsandsealilieslikeafloralbouquetatthefuneralofsomethinglongdead.Ordeeper, beneaththeearth’scrust,wheremicrobesarelivingongeologictime.Thisworldhasenough roomformetosayIloveyou.Enoughroomforforevertoexpandbeyonditsownending.

Intheearlydaysofscubadiving,therewerenopressuregaugestomeasurethecontentsofanair tank.“Itwasintuitive,”adiverexplainedtome.Theair,gettingthinnerinthetank,nolonger rushedintoherlungs.“Whenyoustartedtobreathehard,youknewitwastimetosurface,”she said.

Isloveafinitething,likebreathingblind,breathinghard?Adanceontheridgelineofdisaster, trustingthegentleslideofgravelastheearthliquifiesbeneathyou?

Therearenodivetablesforlove,nodecompressionstops,nosurfaceintervals.Griefisthe bubblesinyourblood.ThefirsttimeIsurfaced,Icollapsed,likeadeep-seafeatherstarsuddenly broughtoutofthewater,unpressurizedandlimp.

Maybethat’swhyIkeptswallowingrocks.Iwantedtoeatmygriefandbedonewithitinstead ofgrowingarounditslowlylikeanigneousrock.Iwantedtofeelancient,tosinkdowntothe deepsea.

ReasonsforChanging

After Ocean Vuong’s “Reasons for Staying”

Theskydoes,atleasttwiceaday

Becausethesummertimewantstokillitself&Augustisanenabler.

Adouble-rainbowhalo.Asunrisehike.OnUpperBallastPoint.Mypocketsstuffedwithclouds.

Becauseawaveonlycrashesonceinitslife.

Thatteenagerskippingstoneswasyearningforsomething.

Thatbabywassmilinginhiswetsuit.

Ihaveasmallgapinbetweenmytwofrontteeth.

Icouldn’ttellaguythatIlikedhimevenwhenheasked.

Ileftthepartyearly‘causeIthoughtIwasbetterthaneveryoneelse.

Tobebolderthanadrunkenhandontheshoulder.

Tobeabletotakedirtypicturesofmyself.

Tosoundmoremesmerizingthanadistantsplash.

BecauseIscream‘tillIsplinterwhenIseethesun.

BecauseIcangrowlikeaplateinthelow-light.Shattermyself.

BecauseIcangrow BecauseIcan.

Adeerlooksmorebeautifulwithasetofantlers.

MyfirsttimeonCatalinawasmagical.Iwantmorefirsts.

BecauseIbleachmyownbonesintheheat.

IfIfuckmyselfover,Icanstillholditdown:breakmyarmoff&plantitinafistfulofsand.

BecauseChristHimselfisamarinebottomdweller

WithHiscrown-of-thornsstarfish&Hismouthfullofprophecies,Hefeelslikeapredator Has thepowertocutmeopen&swallowmewhole.

Becauseboysbecomemenwhentheykissinthedark.

Becausemenbecomeboyswhentheylearnhowtolaugh&toucheachotheragain.

BecauseI’monlytwentyone&stillfullofwonder.

Myfamilykeepsfat-shamingme.

Becausefamily.

Becausemyfatheronlyevercallswhenit’stoolate.

Inevertexthimback.It’satwo-waystreet.

Becausewebothwilldieoneday.

Justbecause.

BecauseIneedtoprovethemwrong.

BecauseIneedto.

I’mapieceofcoral.Ontheoceanfloor Stranded.

Icanshedmyownskinbutnevermyblood.

Because,sometimes,Ifeellikeashellofmyself:

Staghorn,forlorn,mustmourn,reborn.

Becausestarfish&starsareone&thesame.

Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.