onterbury Club . Richmond College Glee Club Les Femmes, S-avantes Westhampton College G_overnlT)entAssociation
chmond College Glee Club International Relations Club The Web McNeil Law Society The University Player
lpha Sign;,a Sigma Phi Delta Theta Phi Kappa Sigma Ionian Music Club Mu Sigma Rho Pi Kappa Alphc
ortar Board Debate Cou,ncil Phi Beta Kappa The University Players Kappa Sigma Y.W .C.A. Eta Sigma Phi I
inisterial Association Westhampton College Athletic Association Tau KaP,pa Alpha S C. Mitchell Literary Society
. c.Mitchell Literary Society Richmond College Student Government The Richmond Collegian Kappa Alpha
estmin ister Club
heta Chi · Phi AIJ?ha
W.C.A Philologian
lphaDelta El Picaro
.M.C.A. Philolo.gian
ho's W ho . The Web
Wesley CJub Y M.C./l!.
The Web Who's Who Philologion , Phi AlphCJ
Nostrae Filiae El Picar Les Femmes Savantes Phi Alpha Theta Ch
iology Club Theta · Chi Ministerial Association
heV eteran's ,Club The Athletic Board Y.M~C.A. · Omicron Delta Kappa Biology Club The lnterfraternity Counc
ewman Club Sigma Alpha Epsilon Les Femmes Savantes Sigma Alpha Epsilon Lambda Chi Alpha Philologiar,
esthampton College Athletic Association Omicron Delta Kappa The Vi'ctory Counc i l International Relations Clu l I
niversityChoir Psychology Club Debate Council Pi Delta, Epsilon International Relations Club Phi Beta Kappe
ichmond College Student Government Nostrae Filiae Newman Club Wesley Cll)b El Picaro ' ' Tau Kappa Alph I
cNeil Law Society Ionian Music Club Canterbury Club The Athletic Board Lambda Chi Alpha Eta Sigma Ph
~e lnterfraternity Council Nostrae Filiae Debate Council Westhampfon College Athletic Association Newman Clu
\ esley Club Who's Who International Relations Club Westhampton College Athletic Association Who 's Whc estminster Club The Radio Guild Sigma A l pha Epsilon Pi Delta Epsilon The Veteran ' s Club Canterbury Club • C.M itchell Literary Society The University Players Beta Beta Beta Omicron De/ta Kappa Sigma Alpha Epsilo
he Richmond Collegian Westhampton College Government Association M i nisterial Association Forensic Counci
'chmond College Glee Club The Athletic Board Alpha Sigma Sigma The Veteran's Club Les Femmes Savantes
au Kappa Alpha The lnterfraternity Council Phi Gamma Delta The Radio Guild Biology Club Mortar Boar
ta Sigma Phi Omicron Delta Kappa Lambda Chi Alpha Alpha Sigma Sigma Phi Gamma Delta Alpha Delt<
he Richmond Collegian Biology Club Ionian Music Club Debate Council .The Messenger Ministerial Associatio
niversity Choir Sigma Pi Sigma The Radio Guild The Victory Council Sigma Phi Epsilon Baptist Student Unic
More people are smoking CAMELS today than ever before in
Yes, experience during the war shortage taught millions the differences in cigarette quality!
• Mrs Dorothy Newstead spea king: "During the war shortage, I smo ked many diff ere nt brand s. That' s when I found Cam e l s s uit my 'T-Zone' best!" You and millions of other s mok e rs, Mrs. Newstead
Result: Today more p eople are smoking Camels than eve r be/ore. But, no matter how great the demand, this you can be sure of:
Camel quality is not to be tampered with. Only choice tobaccos, properly aged, and blended in the time-honored Camel way, are used in Camels.
• Three nationally known independent research or• ganizations asked 113,597 doctors - in every branch of medieine - to name the cigarette they smoked. More doctors named Camel than any other brand.
YOUR1T-ZONE' WILL TELL YOU... TforTaste ... T for Throat... Thats Y.ourprovinggroundfor any cigarette , See if Camels don't suit xour'T-Zone'to a'T'
THE MESSENGER
UNIVERSITY OF RICHMOND
Editor-in-Chief
FLETCHER ST1ERS, JR
Westhampton College Editor
PEGGY HARRIS
Asst. Westhampton Editor
VERDA SLETTEN
Art Editor
LAVINIA WATSON
Assistant Art Editor
SETH DARROW
Hannah Barlow Wilma Lum
Alice Macon
Frances Hix Hathaway Pollard
Acting Poetry Edit or PATRICIA BLACK
EDITORIAL STAFF
Georgia Kilpatrick
J arnes Richman
CONTACT STAFF
Vivian Borton
Letitia Earll
Claudia Dorran
Richmond College &litor
ALBERT SALEEBY
Asst. Richmond College Editor
PAT VELENOVSKY
Business Manager
FRANK WENTZEL
Assistant Business Manager
FELICITY McDONALD
Walt Pre s ton
Mildred Bellows
Marion Feiber
Kathleen Mallory
Do Not Treat Me As a Child!
Do not treat me as a child. My lips have tasted tragedy; Its bitterness has been to me So strangely dark, so wild, That life has lost its former shy, Sweet mystery. No mild
And soothing songs that try To keep the platitudes all piled In prim and orderly array Will satisfy my need today; For I have learned of pain That cannot die. Not soon again . Will life seem possible-and never mild.
Do not treat me as a child.
-VERDA SLETTEN.
and White
story. I knew Purcell Jones. I hadn ' t seen him in many years, but once we had been playmates. He is a "nigger," but I hadn't realized it at that time. I was only eight years old then. Purcell lived with his mother in a little house in an alley a few blocks away from my home. His mother did our washing She was a little brown woman with a deep laugh and an old stocking always pulled down over her head. I met Purcell one summer when I was alone and he brought a basket full of washing to our house. I opened the back door and saw his little brown head peering over the basket. I stood there looking at him for quite awhile. We didn't say anything, and he didn't put the basket down althpugh it was heavy and he was having trouble keepjng it up. There were no kids of my own age pn our block at that time •I felt lonesome I was wondering if he were somebody I could play with Finally he said, "Is de lady heah ?" .."Naw," I said . "Wh;:tt you got in the basket? " . " Clo's ."
I motioned for him to , come inside. " You ~an
AOUPLE of months ago I happened to be pµt , 'em in the kitchen.' '. , sitting at home reading the evening paper. -He carried the basket into the kitchen, and then I was reading the police court news items. he started to scoot. I grabbed him by the arm and I always glance at the police court stories in the asked him what his name was. He told me, but he pap er , hoping to find out if anybody"I know is in didn't seem anxious to stay. I asked him where he trouble with the law. Not that the people I know , lived and who his mother was and if he went to are especially given to law-breaking, but _y.o~ ., ·school. He answered my questions uneasily. I felt never can tell. Somebody I know might get caught. .._~nvious when he told me that he didn't go to speeding or driving through a red light. My' ' school, but he explained that he had to stay home friends are always telling me about how fast they and mind the baby. We talked for awhile and he drive and about almost gefting ,c~ught by the cops. lost some of his· shyrt~ss fasked him if ,he wanted I expect to find some of their names in the paper to see my new wagon and he said that he did. someday. So we went out into the back yard. I showed him
Anyhow, I was ,reading the police cpµrt items the wagon. We played "Stagecoach" and "Wagontha t evening and I happened to come across one train ." We played for about an hour. I rode in the story that went something like this: wagon while he pushed. It was fun because he Purcell Jones, 211 James St., this city, was never asked me to push him around in the wagon. sentenced today to five years in the State Peni- When we got tired of playing he went home tentiary for the theft of an automobile. The 24- That wa's the beginning. After that I saw him year old Negro was arrested on February 12th almost every day. Sometimes I sneaked over to his by Detective Robert D. Kilian and Officer Wil- house . He showed me how to shoot "aggies ," how liam A. Burke. Sentence was passed by Judge to ~~ake a fire in his kitchen stove, and how to Jonathan Wright of City Police Court. tend the baby. I showed him that I could read out I t was only a short item. Just a few lines. I of books, and I told him a lot of lies about seeing wouldn ' t have noticed it especially if I hadn't hap- real cowboys and Indians out West. Whenever his pened to know one of the people named in the mother caught me at their house she would send [ 3]
me home, but we managed to get together on the street and in my back yard all summer. We had a lot of fun.
I started school again in the fall. Mother wouldn't let me out very much in the afternoons so I didn't get to see Purcell except on week ends. Anyhow I met some good guys at school. We formed a "gang." I learned all about "niggers" that fall from my friends. Some "nigger" kids used to play in the alley behind the school yard. We threw rocks at them and chased them away. "Niggers" were no good. My friends said so. They knew all about black people.
Now that I knew Purcell was a "nigger" I wasn 't especially anxious to play with him anymore. One Saturday when I was out in front of the house with my new "Buffalo Bill" pistol and gunbelt I saw him walking toward me. I was playing "Custer's Last Stand." I felt kind of funny about talking to him any more, but I didn ' t want to let on that I knew he was a "nigger." So we started playing again. I was Custer and he played the part of the Indians. He kept running around in circles and I kept shooting at him. Finally he got tired of running So he took the pistol and I played the Indians. Playing the part of the Indians was no fun. I only ran around him a few times before I got the idea that I shouldn't be running around
letting a "nigger" shoot at me. So I stopped circling him and said that I wasn't going to play an y more if I had to be the Indians Purcell refused t give me back the pistol.
"It ain't right," he said. "I ain't had no chanc t to play wif it."
I tried to take the pistol away from him, but h e kept backing away.
" I gotta git ma chanct," he said.
I said, " Gimme my pistol." Then I got mad. I chased him down the street into his alley. I caugh t him in the alley and hit him on the nose with m y fist. His nose started bleeding Then I grabbed my pistol out of his hand and hit him across th e mouth with it. Blood ran out of his mouth. Pu r cell just stood there with a funny look on his face . The blood trickling down his face scared me I yelled at him.
" Nigger! Nigger! Nigger! G'on home, nigger! ' Purcell started blubbering. He unbuckled my pistol holster and threw it on the ground. The n he turned his back on me and went home.
That's the last time I ever played with Purcell I haven't seen him in years. My school friends use d to tell me that "niggers" were no good. I gue ss they were right. Purcell got put in jail a few months ago. I saw it in the paper in black an d white.
- JOSEPII C. HANTIN
Retlecfions at lite 1abatd
(FRAGMENT 10)
Spring now leapeth from its lair Maketh bobbed the hanging hair.
Maketh crocuses to bloom; Maketh bug to spin cocoon.
Bringeth moth and bringeth mothballs; Bringeth young boys throwing baseballs.
Maketh robin get romantic, Layeth light blue eggs like frantic.
Causeth he and she to cuddle, Maketh like a football huddle.
Taking walks of longer distance Makcth break down girls' resistance.
Maketh frat pins to change owners; Cooeth softly maids and d nors.
Maketh even profs to bummetl1, So you know , friend, Spring hath cometh.
MIMI TlfALENBfJRG.
MY name was checked off the passenger list as I boarded the plane to Detroit after a month's stay in Houston, Texas, where I at tended a council on "Fe lonious Homicide and It s Causes." My mind was full of ideas and plans fo r the department in Detroit as I settled back in my seat, holding my unlighted cigarebte until we were well off the ground.
The roar of the huge motors conflicted with my th o ughts, as their speed took on more power, and th e huge air lin er got in position for the take -off do wn the runway. Our hostess came through the aisle, checked our safety belts, and provided pillows for those wishing them.
We were on our way now. Up, up, up, over rhe city and its lights. I have always preferred to travel in the evening when flying, but I am a lw ays looked upon as "odd" when expressing this preference to fr ien ds. They always remark: "What in the world can you see in the evening? It's so dark!" I like to see the clouds, the moon, and the stars, which appear to be winking right at me. I seem to be a part of them; I, therefore, feel secure. I do not have that sense of security in the daytime, and I am most uncomfortable.
The "No Smoking" light was off now , and I lit th e cigarette I was holding. In doing so, the Aame of my lighter played across the face of the person to the right of me in one of the sing le seats. A swee t face, I thought, and an o ld one. Her age mus t be in the sixties, I c ncluded, and then set tled back .
From the darkness of my seat I further condu cte d a scrutiny of her. She was a sma ll woman , weighing, roughly , about one hundred and twenty pounds. Her gray hair gave her the air of being frag ile. Her feet were well shod, their s lenderness adding the aristocratic touch. Her whole being exuded g cl breeding, g od livin g, and a marvelou s composure. But her hands betrayed the compo ure. They were twitching. A shredded, limp handker hief lyin g in her lap gave evidence of her nervousness .
Her first trip, I thought. Mos,t pc pie are quite overcome by their initial experience in 0ight. Th en I began to wonder ab ut her, her I ife , her family, her past, what she left behind , and what aw ai ted her at the trip's encl.
It's a little game I have with myself, weaving a story around the characters I travel with. Down at the department they say it's the mind of a criminologist, always prodding for a motive for everything-in life as in death.
This little woman must have a reason for being on this plane What is it? Tragedy? Was she l eaving it, or going to it? A succession of air pockets broke my chain of thoughts and I found myself being jostled with the rest of the passengers.
"Fasten your belts, please," ordered the hostess, making her way clown the aisle. She stopped at the seat of the main actor in my story and asked her if she wouldn't lik e some hot coffee. The little lady nodded "yes" and I immediately said, "Make it two ."
Upon hearing my voice, the little woman looked in my direction and smiled.
"A little rough this evening, isn't it? But there's nothing to worry about. There's no storm." She said this with the assurance of a doctor telling a patient the injection would hurt for a second and then everything would be all right. This dispelled my theory of a first trip, unless, of course, the littl e woman was using this way of coBcealing her weakness.
"Oh, I like flying . A little roughness doesn't bother me. In fact, it rather adds excitement to these trips. Travel this way often?"
"Oh, my, yes . I have a married daughter living in Green's Bayou, just outside Houston. I visit her whenever I can. We ' re so devoted."
Coffee was served us, together with individual ee l lophane packages of nondescript cookies. The woman worked little fingers around the package. One cookie fell into her lap; another was nervous ly nibbled. Nervous because of what? My mind began to work. What was wrong here? I g l anced at my wristwatch. A quarter of eleven. In twenty minutes we would be at the City Airport in Detroit.
"We'll be in Detroit short ly ," I said, watching her face for any sign that would give me a clue as t this unexplained nervousness. But my statement bounced off without comment or expression. I decided that maybe it was just my imagination. She [ 5]
was just a sweet old lady, with, perhaps, a peculiar nervousness.
I relaxed and gazed out the window. We were over Detroit now. I thought about Beeson, and wondered if he would be there to meet me.
We were losing altitude now. All belts were fastened, and cigarettes were out. There is always an aura of excitement upon landing. Every time it is a new thrill. I looked at the little woman. More important, I glanced at her hands. They were clasping each other convulsively.
We were down now. Passengers were gathering their books and clothes, and filing out. I arose from
my seat and followed the rest up the aisle. I wa s aware that the little woman was behind me.
At the door I saw Beeson. "Hi, there, Beeson, " I called. He waved one huge hand.
"I see you brought her," he said, and I followe d his eyes to the little woman.
"Her?"
"Sure, the little woman is wanted by the Houston police department for strangling her daughter. We radioed your plane and they wired back that you had her under control. Now we have to take her back. Poor thing, seems as though she hasn't been 'right' for some time."
-DOROTHY TOOLE.
r'r' T I p . " Just n assing
" You smiled, and as You turned away Said you'd be back Another day.
I watched for you As time went by, Did you forget, or Did you lie?"
-PATTI BLACK. [6]
l\icbmonb Collision
G ray & Hamilton to Go, Flynn and Russellto Come
Mole Butler to Reign AsQueen of May
Miss C aldwell Butler of Roanoke w ill reign Queen Of May over t he "typical Old English May Da y" at Westhampton on May 5.
Miss B utler was elected by the members of the senior class, and her coro nation will climax a day l ong program which will include t h e traditional Maypole dance, a performance of "Dangerous Dan McGrew," and a Queen's Ball in the evening sponsor ed by the "Theta Chi Ready D iaper" Company.
Th e qu e en is a senior at Richmond College ( First time this sit uatio n has occurred on the Richmond College side of the campus b ut looking at the situation as a whole there is really no r eason w hy it will not continue now t ha t the precedence has been establis he d) and is majoring in voice. Mi s s Butler is a member of Ph i Ga mma D'elta, Sigma Mu Sigma, A lpha Sigma Sigma, and (C on tin ue d on pag e 4)
Baby Found In Thomas Hall
Th e ho nor council of Westhampto n College announced that every g ir l in Thoma s Hall would be cam p u s ed until more complete deta ils can be obtained concerning t he little baby (and a boy ba by too, mind you!) that was fo un d last night in room 903of Tho mas Hall.
Th e ba by, already affectionately na me d Fritz , wa s wrapped m r ed a nd blue clothing which was belie v e d to be an old Richmond Coll ege basketball uniform of 1812.
With in twenty minutes after the dis covery was made the housem ot her of the Phi Kap House w as obtained a ~ a nurse for the child. It was the genei:al opin ion that a better person with _as much experience as she cer ta m ly has had could not be found wi thin fifty miles of the campus
When the baby was found it ~~as w ell clothed and had its iap er p inned with a Phi Garn frat p in. The honor council is t i? i n g this pin and a sock, size een, w hich the baby wore as evidence to be be presented at t~-
t r i a l tomorrow night. Every 1 Ga rn with blue eyes and who Wears s i ze fifteen socks is under susp ect.
Proposed Student Activities Building
Architect John E. House Scale 1" to 4'
Lt. Commander To Be Replaced By Feather Merchant
The first point of a two pointer reform system was realized today as the students of Westhampton and Richmond Colleges were informed that Errol Flynn and Jane Russell were to replace Deans Hamilton and Gray as social deans at our fair University
Every student on the campus has felt the need for a hot-rock social reform on the campus.
Chairman of the Hot-Rock Social Committee, Bobby '! Hot" Rock announced that Flynn and Russell were chosen only after much con s ideration was given to the hundreds of applicants for the positions. Among those who applied for the position were Max Schulman , Frank Sinatra, John L. Lewis, Gene Autry (and his horse), Gypsy Rose Lee, Barbara Stanwyck, and Hort e n se Blair. "You can see," remarked Miss Roe¼, "it has not been an e a s y task."
CONSTRUCTIONTOBEGINONR.C.ACTIVITIESBUILDING
Richmond College student s were thrilled to death to learn today that Lucky Pierre Blake, famou s well-digger and designer of the men's room at Johns Hopkins University, has been employed by the University to commence the building of the Richmond College Students' Activities Building. Needless to say the need for a students' activi,tie s building on the Richmond College campu s has been piling up.
"Lucky" brought along with him the famous designer, John E. House. Mr. House ha s des igned the n e w building in strict ac c ordance with this institution's policies of co-ord education. The right wing will be us e d strictly for the girls and the left wing will be strictly for the boy s "As you can see , " remarked Mr House, "we have lost no face. We are still keeping the boys and the girls separated!"
Also Buddy Mayo, local gourmet, has designed a student's shop that will serve real food. If plans work out as they are being set up then it will be very easy going for the veterans. Mr. Mayo. is working on a system whereby you need not pay anything for your lunches the
government will mail your ch e ck directly to Proprietor Mayo.
Jack Baker, another local, is bu s y like littl e bees every night lining up some girls downtown to serve a s hostesses in the new building. Mr. Baker would apnreciate any names of girls who have had previou s experiences in the various USO's about the country.
Darrow To Review The Wayward Bust
Tomorrow night in th e Red Room (beli eved to be named after the first President of the W AASS, Red Crockett) of Keller Hall (believed to be named after a dean of Westhampton) will review John Beckstein's novel, Th e Wayward Bust. Miss Darrow is clever as all h e ll and will no doubt do a beautiful job of the review.
Miss Darrow announced that she will do' th e review in blackface to fit in with the color of the story. As to the contents of the new book Miss Darrow refused to say a word. She merely leaned over to the left and explained that she had become that wayward after reading the last two chapters.
Reports from Dean Flynn and D'ean Russell indicate that there will be many reforms in the rules and regulations of our campu s. D e an Flynn has drawn up a four-point program with Dean Rus s ell which h e plans to submit to the President later thi s s pring. Dean Flynn released a statement that one of the first things that he was going to perm~t would be week-end yachting trips on the lake and a cocktail oarty ever y afternoon, at cocktail hou r of course , in a newly decor a ted (framoisie and cerulean) Playhouse.
Miss Rock informed us that Deans Russell and Flynn were open to suggestions from the stud e nts and will consider carefully any request th a t they receive. Just send in your request and a lab el from any ch e ap bottle of Sc ot ch to "Hot-Rock" Social Committee, Box 90 3, Short Pump, Vir g inia.
Professor Ball · Faculty Advisor To Alpha Sigma Sigma
Member s of the Richmond College chapter of Alph a Sigma Sigma w e re the happi e st people in the world last night when the onery Harry Pattie, President (Continued on pag e 4)
RtcbmonbCollhsion
' BILL GARVEY, Editor-in-chief
HY BALL, J EDGAR HOOVER, PAT VELENOVSKY, Coluninists
LARRY YOFFY, Cartoonist
BUD'DY MA YO , SAM MacCLAREN, and a third fellow by the name of WHEELER, Business Managers
H. ALLEN SMITH, JAMES THURBER, MAX SCHULMAN, and BOB HOPE, Contributors
Entered as fifth class mail by slipping the postmaster of the Univ e rsity of Richmond Post Office a little sid e money on Novemb e r 8, 1915. Single copies ten cents, c opies on little rolls, three for tw e nty c ents Mail all checks to b e d e posited toward Editor's account at River Road Tavern.
Editorials
Why?
We wish to add our nasty comments to the wave of foul remarks which have been circulating the campus about women.
There is no getting around it, there are too darn many women on the campus. You go to classes and you find women squirming around all over the room. You go to the Tavern and what do you find some damn co - ed ! Y.ou lift up a stone only to see a stoned co-ed. This campus is filthy with an unnecessary sex females!
Ask yourself these questions: For what did you come to college? How are you making out? If your plans do not have place for women, and they probably don't, do you see where you will be able to work time in for frisky little co-eds?
Can women play football? Then just what in the devil is the use of having girls in college! Can you stir martinees with women? Then what is the use of taking them on parties! Can women roll cigarettes? Then why have them around at all?
There is no logical reason why we should have girls on our campus bothering us with all sorts of secondary problems which even Freud can't explain We say down with women! They are nothing but trouble no matter how you look at them and there are several angles.
Another Step Forward
Unfortunately our campus has the habit of damning things rather than praising them. We are forced to admit that the things that are to be damned on the campus are at least a million times more plentiful than those things which are to be praised But then and now something is done by the members of the student body or even the faculty which deserves praise. We say let praise be praised all over the people who deserve this praise
We have in mind a certain incident which happened last week. We shall not use any names for the simple fact that the incident was so unusual and the characters involved in the incident were so obscure that no one had ever heard of any of them.
This week a bean was found in a bowl of soup at the refectory. One student reported to have found a rib in his sauerkraut. Another student swears that there was a slight brownish tinge to coffee . There were three reports of mustard in the ketchup bottles and ketchup in the mustard bottles which is indeed an improvement.
The officials of the refectory state that the improvements will not stop here There will be a concerted effort on the part of the staff of the kitchen to provide new wonders in the food at the school and to continue to slip beans et cetera into the soup. And so again we say let praises be praised all over those who deserve to be praised upon
Letters To The Editors
Dear Mr Editor:
Last week I wrote you a letter commenting on a letter that I wrote to you the week before last concerning an editorial you wrote sometime in the fall. I forget exactly what I was writing about but it has come to my attention that the students on the campus are not in love with our faculty. I know that we might not have the most handsome faculty in Virginia but we do have some wonderful, wonderful friends here.
We should love our faculty. I am reminded about a story about a fireplug and a dog The dog loved the fireplug even tho' the plug never really taught him anything Couldn't we apply this same relationship between student and faculty on our dear campus Let's everyone love everyone else .. . . and if this spreads far enough I know a couple cute little numbers across the lake.
CARL VAN FLUSH
Member Of White Race By Choice that is!
Sour Week
By J. E. Hoover
For · the past thirty-eight weeks I have been talking with you about World Student Fun Students all over the world are not having as much fun as they used to. There's just no getting around this. The University of Richmond has subscribed that they will contribute $3,000,000. This merely means that if every student on our fun-loving campus will contribute about two thousand dollars then we shall be able to make our quota. Think! Think this over well, friends.
Perhaps it would be well if I refreshed your memory as to the purpose of this WSF for pigmies of Southern Africa. Speaking of pigmies reminds me of a story of a pigmy student, Robert Mundy, at V.P.I. which I shall refrain from telling. Mundy was the first worldly pigmy to go to an American coilege. He did some outstanding research on the crossing of the elephant and the anteater. · He was very successful with his experiment but it seems that the new product was as big as an elephant and went around sucking pigmies up its snout as an anteater does with the ants Thousands of Mundy's friends were disappearing. Then one day he himself disappeared. How Robert ever got out from the inside of the anteating-elephant no one really knows. All Robert will say about the incident was that the whole thing was a very nasty experience . But I digress. What was I talking about? Oh, yes, the World Student Fun.
Arturo Baldwin Conducts Symphony
Joe Baldwin, known in the campus music circles as Arturo, announced yesterday from the podium on the concert stage of the University of Richmond Playhouse that he would conduct the newly organized Richmond College Symphony this Thursday night.
For weeks Professor Baldwin has been rehearsing his carefully selected musicians for what he terms a prima performance. The Professor has selected for his first performance Beethoven's Sixth Symphony in F Major termed originally by Beethoven the "Pastoral."
Dr. Baldwin has renamed the symphony the "Castorial" which is composed in fpur movements: The opening movement is a gay movement, "Awaking of Serene Impression Upon Arriving in The Country," the second "Walking in the Woods," i!! a slow contrasting movement, the third, "The Chase," is a movement increasing in tempo to an abrupt ending, and the final movement is slow and grave in mood and termed "The Retreat From The Woods."
Lookout! ! ! !
By Hy Ball
For the last few week s there has been quite a debate in our University's English depart. ment as to whether the stud en4 should be required to be a ble to read. A certain amount of abi\ ity to read is a good th i n g bu t if a student can read to o mud he will soon find himse lf doing some outside reading a nd thi< will only load the student to such an extent that he will n ot be able to go to the Tavern.
Why should we be t h e only one in many Virginia colleges which requires a studen t t o be able to read English lite rat ure! You are ·right! There i sn ' t any practical need for a stu dent to know how to read. I suggest that we do as many ot h er co\. leges of Virginia and set a m i nimum requirement i n read. ing knowledge. I made a mong other things a personal survey at the various colleges in o\e Virginia. The followi n g are their respective require m ents: Virginia: Every man must when in condition to pick u p th; object, be able to read t h e Jabil on this object and determ ine the approximate proof of t h e contents therein.
V.P.I.: "In order that a man be promoted from sopho mor e to junior English he must be able to read the writing on f ert ilizer bags from six differen t large fertilizer companies.
W &L: If a man can r ea d the letters on the front of t h e Fraternity houses then he i s qualified for any degree we ca n offer.
W &M: It is requir ed t hat every man making app lication for any degree at this college be able to read the look s in the 50 per cent of the co- ed s eyes and know what to do
Gentlemen, if these q u a lifications are good enough for our fellow coilege students th en they are good enough for us.
Oscar Wooten, Mr. U ofR
Jacque Batman an n ounceo from the top of the Pl a yhouse that a committee comp osed of three fellows from the Capitol Square and six fellows fr om ihe various hotel lobbies do wntown unanimously selected Oscar Wooten as Mr. Richmo n d College of 1947.
The decision was I believe made when a picture of Oscar wearing a grass skirt a p p eareo in the Richmond News Leader.
When Mr Wooten r eceiveo the news he modestly s a t back in his chair, blew smok e r ings, and remarked, "It is exactly what I expected. Really , gentle· men, how could it be di fferent! You know I sometime wish I was intelligent instead of being so gosh darn good looki n g ."
As we left Mr. Richmo nd Col· lege he was standing in fro nt of a full-size mirror flex i ng h15 muscles.
Jerry Jewett • I S Champi ·on Broad Jumper
Boy Scout Massie To Lead Crusade
last Saturday.
Un i versity of Richmond Man Runs Wild
Ye sterday Coach Crane announced from the subbasement of the Mill h iser Gym that Jerry Jewett, believe it or not, a member of the Rich mond College student body walked away with the Virginia broa d jump championship.
At a meeting held last Saturday night on the hockey field J. J ewet t jumped more broads than all the rest of the contenders put toge t her.
W hen .interviewed, Mr. Jewett explained that it was a long story and, that even though it was long , he would take a little of our ti me to try to explain it. It seems that it all started back when he w a s in the army He left the campus not knowing a darn thing about broad jumping. After having been stationed in Chicago only th ree days, he found that it would soon be necessary to learn to drop these hot tomatoes in time to make muster. As a result of missi n g twenty-four musters and receiving twenty general court mars hals, J.J. began to spend his Saturday afternoons learning to br oa d jump.
"F r ankly," modestly remarked Jewett, "this life is wearing me out ."
Coach Esau Brooks To Replace Fenlon
This summer while some of Cheers and toasts to Esau us are recuperating from a hard Brooks were the style at the winter term there will be others Varsity Club Room at the River who will not be quite so fortu- Road Tavern last night as the nate. There will be some who announcement was made that will give up this restful summer Coach Brooks was to take over for better things. the job .of head football coach
Stuart Massie, no kin to Lin- for Richmond College. c oln, will lead a crusade of three The news of Coach Brook's thousand local boy scouts to the appointment was not news to grave of Chief Dannyboy, many for it is commonly known American Indian and first boy that his were the brains behind scout. Chief Dannyboy was the the Spider victories of past seafirst boy scout ever to rub two sons. Coach Brooks announced sticks together a tradition that there would be a few which .is continued today with changes in the duties of the varithe exception that the boys use ous coaches now on the staff but bones. as a whole the staff would re-
Massie will drive his jeep main unchanged. Brooks did say slowly as the three thousand that there were a few personal Richmond bo ,y scouts, and pros- friends that he had who he uective Fijis, will walk behind planned to give positions on the him. Buzzard Scout Massey, staff. member of Bugs Bunny patrol As we interviewed the new of troop 903, poring over many coach he was sitting in his new maps, explained that he had office casually flipping a new planned the trip so he could fifty cent piece. "The general spend each and every night tactics of the previous Spider around a real campfire in a vir- brand of football will not be gin forest. changed," stated Brooks. "But · When the crusade of scouts we will use a new type of 'T' reaches the happy hunting formation the famous Bookgrounds of Dannyboy, they will er 'T.'" The coach refused to lay a spray of leaves from every give further information about type of tree on the University the new "T" but we can be sure of Richmond campus on the of having some real fancy footgrave of old Dannyboy. Massey ball in store for us next fall. made a statement to the press to the effect that there were so many different types of trees on the campus. "Fortunately," some fifty different types of remarked the crusade leader, "I trees on our campus. Even an had Barron along with me to old Buzzard Scout like Massey point out the different types of was surprised that there were trees.''
"I had dragged along feeling all run down and worn-out for three years in the Armed Forces and five years at college, but thanks to Laconga I am again able to attend classes, eat, and crawl home from the Tavern.
I felt so all in when mealtime came that I didn't care whether I ate or not, and sometimes I felt that what I did manage to get down did me more harm than good. Everything I swallowed turned to gas and pressed up against my chest and back causing a hump to swell out in my back. People begin to throw pennies at me and MGM offered me a contract to play the hunch in the third race of the "Hunchback of Notre Dame." I was jittery and on the edge all the time. I could not walk across the quadrangle without stopping and sitting down for a frat chat with a couple of frisky co-eds. Finally, Buddy Mayo sold me a forty-gallon vat of Laconga and after drinking the contents of merely half of this I was up and at 'em, tripping co-eds, running errands for all my dear professors, and even doing my outside reading. Now I would not be without my daily five gallons of Laconga. I have received no end of relief. At this very moment I am taking a proposal up the Dean's office which suggests that every student majoring in Economics be made to drink at least a gallon of Laconga a day."
Scen e at Champion Meet
Left to right: Left Pin, Jerry Jewett, and Right Pin. ·
Puppet Show Gets PadlockTough Class
Professor Lutz in Ball and Chains
Last night Professor Lutz, professor of puppetry at Westhampton, and four students were arrested for producing a production not in keeping with the moral standards of the Richmond Water Amputation Act of 1938.
In the middle of the third act of the "Iceman Cometh" or "Ma, how come I got blue eyes?" police, led by that crime buster, Dan Boodling, crashed into the theater and placed three hundred University of Richmond students under arrest. First indication of the raid was received when D'an Boodling appeared on the stage and shouted, "What's youse guys tink youse pulling out here on dey edge of the city? What a shoddy type of production to be put on before college kids!"
It is believed that the police were tipped off as to the type of puppet shows being produced on the Westhampton campus by the managers of the National theater of Richmond and the Gaiety theater of Washington. The managers of these two theaters have been complaining about their clientele being drawn out to our campus by the attractive puppet shows.
The four students who were arrested, whose names are withheld for obvious reasons, stated that since they enrolled at Westhampton College they had made something like two hundred puppets. As far as we can ascertain there is but one record above this on the entire campus.
Dan Boodling issued a statemen from the back seat of his car to the effect that the puppet theater would be padlocked until the script and set for the play are burned.
Professor Ball, etc.
(Continu e d from pag e 1) of the honorary horsetail fraternity, announced that Professor Ball had been elected unanimously the faculty advisor for the onery organization.
Jack Baker, chairman of the nominations committee, stated that there was but one nomination made for the office and that one was for Dr. Ball. "We are fortunate," said Baker, "indeed fortunate to have so great a one as a member of our organization. We could have searched every campus in the country and not found anyone to fill the job half so well."
A committee composed of five of the biggest A.S.S.'s on the campus was dispatched to the home of Professor Ball to inform him of his new honor. When Dr. Ball learned of his election he shyly remarked that he had been working for this honor for years, and with tears in his eyes, continued that his dream had come true.
WCTU Organizes
The Richmond College Chapter of the WCTU held its first meeting since 1914 in the Tap Room of the Playhouse. Such campus greats as Bill Johnson, Harry Pattie, Jimmy Pheps, Pete Moffitt, Billy Lumpkin, and Joe Mathias banded together to preserve that beauty in thought and action that they obtained while serving in the Armed Forces.
Bill Johnson and Harry Pattie will make a pilgrimage to the University of Virginia where they will represent Richmond College at the WCTU state convention. President Darden will be the guest speaker and the topic of his speech will be "Before and after; or the old and the new University of Virginia."
After the meeting Pattie and Johnson will tour all the fraternities at Virginia in an effort to absorb all the good will they can.
At the close of the ceremonies the charter members of the WGTU of RC took off for Philip's where they hung a portrait of Jimmy Honeycutt, the founder of R.C. Chapter. Three bronze rings overlapping each other were embedded in the floor in the River Road Tavern where Honeycutt was last seen standing up.
Fellows!
5-9943 OR 5-9971 AND ASK FOR
CAROLYN MARSH
JANIE COPENHAVER
SARAH BISHOP
MARIA CARTER A PAID ADVERTISEMENT
We Don't
By Pat Velenovsky
This being the season of spring and stuff, there are quite a number of different and varied feelings running around the campus. Being a minion of the press it behooves me to seek these things out, so I did. No doubt some of the students at this great citadel of higher learning have felt at one time or another the throbbing pulse of frustration. Seeing my duty, I did it In short, I decided to interview a few of the brighter lights on the campus to get their ideas. Seeing a long and hard job ahead I wandered into the Sloppe May ,o Shoppe to stock up on provisions and to see that paragon of men , Buddy Mayo. I found him busy scraping glue off of ten-cent stamps and putting it into bottles. Said the shining light , "I was really frustrated when the government wouldn't allow me tax exemption for the wear and tear on paper cups.'' Giving him a pat on the head I strolled out to find others, and this is what I heard:
BARON: "Not yet, but I hear there's a move on foot to put fences around all of the trees.' '
JIMMY HUNEYCUT (interviewed over the phone) : "I had to get a job.''
Doughnuts To Roll
Stanley Cohen, president of the Forensic Council, today announced that the Forensic Council will hold its annual rolling doughnut meet at 1 :30 P.M. in the gymnasium Doughnuts for the occasion will be furnished by the New English Tavern and it is estimated that something like seven hundred doughnuts will be used.
Joe Mathias, undisputed champion since Jimmy Filling transferred to Mary Washington , will open the season by rolling the first doughnut as the first contestant.
Tickets for the meet may be obtained at the Westhampton Tea Room for two dollars.
Mean To Be Always Rubbing it in ... We'd bust first!
But-we have just received a new shipment of Cocoa Butter* THE GAY-RUSSELL SHOPPEE
HELEN HOPKINS-Proprietor
JAMES FILLING-Masseur
DR. LOVING: "Yassuh. Fo r a whole day I couldn't hit tha t sink. Then I found out th at a non-Fluvanna county man ha d put the top on it."
MUSCLE GAL: "I'm d ying of frustration. All of the fe llows I go out with are we ake r than I am.''
MARIA CARTER : "I've t rie d everything I know, but non e of my sweaters will shrink a bit."
BETTY STANSBURY: "I' M going crazy with frustra tio n Ever since my boy friend saw The Outlaw he just laughs an d calls me 'small fry.'"
NEVILLE WATSON: "Di d you ever try to get a three- way swing into a two-way stretc h? "
JANE RUSSELL: "Wha t do you think, sonny? And stop patting me.''
S A R A H B I S H O P : "The lights went out all over the 'Rec Building' the other night an d some damn Physics major had to show off by fixing them.' '
Mole Butler to Reign As Queen of May (Continu e d from pag e 1) the Richmond College Cha pter of the WCTU.
She will have in her court Maiden of Honor Chase De cker of Richmond, and Tojo Hy er of Richmond , Mrs Thad Cru mp, formerly of Richmond, and Billy Gill of Ithaca. There will be only three attendants in the court due to the shortn e ss of thi s typ e of man on the campus.
In place of the traditi onal Maypole mast this year the dancers will trip the light fant astic around a hole in the ground; there are some who contend that the dancers don't know the difference but the dance committee says that it is just a change. Professor Alton Williams, professor of fairy dancing and Maypoling , will direct the gala affair about the hole in the ground.
Gentlemen!
Looking For
A Happy Career?
JOIN THE ARMY
Men, do you have any idea what the NEW ARMY can offer you? Do you know that a fte r merely serving thirty ha ppy years with the army you ca n re · tire to a peaceful life in the old soldiers' home on Saipan?
Men, do you know that you only have to sign up for five years at a time this m eans that you simply have to sig n u p six times and you've done your stretch?
Men, do you realize that if you serve thirty years in the a rmY, when you get out you will h ave coming to you thirty-one y ears on the G.I. Bill of Rights?
TheseAre The Three :·
1.
(The first of these is death. So often is it understandable but so seldom is it to be understood.)
0NCE when he was seven it was seven and they had come back, all of them, from where they had been all the afternoon. They came back with their long faces and their tears and the black , and they patted him and said things to him that were strange and that he did not in the least understand
They sat. There was all black and quiet , and it hurt him. Once he had laughed in the room and they had said to him: " Be quiet. " And he had been because they had told him to be , not because he wanted to be. Then when they went into the o ther room to eat he did not go with them, but ran from the house instead and to the hill where they, the three of them, had so often gone with their lunches packed in the big brown basket. He lay there on his back in the tall brown grass and w atched out the dying gasp of day as it screamed out in the west. And then it died too, and the black moved in again and filled in all about him Then he rolled over on his stomach and hid his face in his arms and cried for a long time. For a long long time he cried that way.
Then when he went back to the others in the house they did not ask where he had been. They had not missed him. They all sat still in the dim semi-dark in their black , and they were quiet. Then he remembered that his mother would have missed him
After a while his father, pale and tried , had come and taken him upstairs to his room And then he had undressed him and put him into his bed. Then his father had gone from the room without saying anything , not even good night did he say to him.
He heard his father go back down the stairs , and then after a while he heard them all leaving, a nd he could hear his father telling them goodbye Then after a long while he had heard his father come back up the stairs and go into his room. For a time that seemed like almost forever t o him all was quiet about the house. Then he heard his father crying in the room next to his. And he wanted to get up out of his bed and go in
to his father and say something, but he didn't know what he should say or what he should do so he just stayed there in his bed and listened to the soft sobbing. And all the while the black moved in on him, closer and closer it moved, on all sides of him.
2.
(The second of these is love. So often is it understood , but so seldom is it at all understandable.)
HE knew that when Marrianne said it she must have meant it as a joke, but she had told everyone that she was going to kiss him for his birthday They had all stopped their games long enough to have the ice cream and cake, but now they had all gone back to them and the first time that he had the chance to get away from the crowded yard he did He went down to the creek that flowed behind the house, and their laughter and their shouting blended softly with the noise of the stream. Then he sat there on the flat rocks that were cooling from the heat of the day and listened until he heard her come up behind him. He knew that it was Marrianne , and he stood up to meet her.
"And just what are you doing down here away from your party? " she laughed. , "Thinking about how it feels to be seventeen."
" And how does it feel? "
" I don't know . Why did you come down here?"
" I just followed you "
" Why? " he asked.
" Want me to leave? I will if you want me to."
"No I didn't mean that. I'm glad that you followed me. It's getting late Everyone will have to go home before long ."
"Yes" she whispered.
"Have you had a nice time? "
"Yes " she said again.
Then what , he wondered , should he say next. She stood close to him, and in the early moonlight she was beautiful, very beautiful. All the time that he watched her she smiled at him "Do you remember what you said? Or maybe you were just joking with me?"
"No " Then. "You' re so different from all the others. I guess that's why I like you." And she had to stand on her toes to reach his lips. [ 11 J
''I've never kissed anyone before," he said softly and held her. He wanted to say the things that he knew that he should say, but he didn't know what they were. He didn't know where to begin. He held her close and kissed her once again and all the time the noise from the party grew louder, but they didn't hear it, neither of them.
3.
(The third of these is birth. It is neither understandable nor is it understood.)
SLOWLY now the night was wearing on. Each second was a hundred years in itself. Then he left the house and went out to stand in the cool of the night. The wind was warm and above him a thousand ancient stars cried out. One fell. He made the wish quickly, and he wished with everything in him that it would come true. He walked rapidly and tried to mak~ time keep pace with him, but time did not wish to win the race. Time moved in its creeping march, but for him now it ·seemed that it all but stood still, as if its roots in time gone by held tightly, fighting the new
Then the wind, the clouds, the stars, the night, each of them seemed to stand restless with him.
They seemed to pace with him, to fight the time that would not move with them.
Past the garden, where the flowers dozed quietly in the dark, past the pines that were still in the night, down the sandy lane that was like silver in the moonlight ( and it crawled over his shoe tops and found its way down ~etween his toes), he made his way. The way he went did not matter: he did not mark it, only the time that it took him to make it. Then he turned back for some reason somewhere that was half hidden within him and when he heard the door he heard the cry. The wish!
Then he rushed into the house and up the steps to the second floor, but the door was still closed and he stood waiting the years at the head of the stairs. His breath came quick and loud, his heart pounded so loudly that he held his hands to his chest to quiet it. Then he sat down and held his hands to his head because all was quiet.
The thousand locks and chains and bolts and bars that held the door came undone and it opened. Dr. Cloud came out and met him. Marrianne was fine and it was a boy. Then he laughed through his tears and waited until he could go in to see them.
-FLETCHER STIERS, JR.
Why do praise and power make men stray, And why are riches prized and held so dear, With Nature's own true wealth and beauty near? The sun will rise and with its rays each day Reveal the God-made riches in array, Which are beauties simple and sincere, And cannot be destroyed, there is no fear Of confiscation; this wealth is made to stay. He whom God once sent to be our King, He who loved not power, wealth, nor praise, Alone taught us to love no tangible thing, Taught us to live in awe of Heaven's ways, For those who heed, the heavenly beUs will ring, And boundless will be their joys for infinite days.
-CAROLINE BRUNER. [ 12]
THERE are many ways to fail an ,examination, but I believe that I have developed the best way. Never has it failed, and the people to whom I have recommended my method have been very much gratified with the results. The best way is to look forward to the examination and prepare from the beginning to fail it. Of course one can decide the night before an examination that he is going to fail, and sometimes he does; however, why take the chance of passing? Besides, after following my directions, you will fail not only th~ examination, but also the course.
The first day the class of the course you choose to fail meets, take an instant dislike towards the instructor and the subject. It makes no difference if you really like the subject or the teacher, for it is easy to talk yourself into disliking both. Just keep repeating, "I do not like this course. I do not like this professor," and soon you will not. This accomplished, you will have no trouble at a ll in following the next rules.
Disregard everything said in class. Even if you wahted to know anything about the subject, it is in the book. Instead of listening, look out the win-
_HpwZ'P1ailAn
dow at the sunshine which you cannot enjoy, and think how much you would like to be at home swinging in the old faded red hammock. To study would be fatal, and all efforts to fail would be in vain if you studied your daily assignments. It is permissible to read the lesson and look at the pictures sometimes. While reading the lesson, think about the letter you received this morning from Jim, and I promise you will not know a thing printed on those pages.
On the night before the examination the minority of the people who intended to fail become afraid, change their minds, and begin to study. You will too, but that is natural. Go right ahead and cram. Stay up until two o'clock and get up at six in the morning to study. Fatigue is an excellent agent for failing examinations. Even if you did learn anything, which you probably did not, you will be too tired to move the pen to write it down. Study notes on the way to class if you want to and discuss points with your classmates. By the time you get seated and ready for the ordeal, you will be so nervous that on the examination it will be easy to make all sorts of silly mistakes without even trying. Misspelling will be twice as easy because you will be so tired and nervous. You will not know Kat from Cat, or Klub from Club, Your hand will be shaking so that a comma will turn into a semicolon, and a period into a colon, all unintentionally.
When you receive the results of the examination, I guarantee that you will have made a successful failure.
-TERRY NOBLE.
Orpheus and Daniel W ebSter
SOON after Daniel Webster had won his famous case against Mr. Scratch, strange news came to his ears-news of a Thracian Musician who was as effective with the lyre as Daniel was with his oratory This annoyed Mr. Webster because there were times when he had considered himself a very good liar. The news of this enchanting musician so obsessed Daniel that he was determined to have an audience with the harpist. Like most New Englanders , Daniel Webster was a smart man, and consequently was unwilling to challenge Orpheus while still a mortal.
Daniel realized that if he were beaten in the contest the newspapers would certainly print the story. Such a defeat would be detrimental to his political career. After much ~onsideration, he decided to delay the inevitable meeting until after death. After all, wouldn ' t he and the musician have more in common then?
Two days after his death, Daniel Webster requested and received a ten-day leave of absence from his final case with Saint Peter. Daniel started immediately for the court of Orpheus. Many strange things caught his eye as he drew closer to Orpheus. Even as had been reported , wild beasts stood charmed, and the trees moved to his music.
The old man himself was certain that he had never heard such beautiful music in his life. To him the sound was what the Union would have been like if some great ·musician had set it to music. For many hours the great orator was speechless. Then remembering his mission, he began to speak. As he spoke , the two sounds blended together in a symphony that must have more than rivaled the great Amen of the "Lost Chord."
Finally Orpheus stopped playing and sat silent as Daniel Webster spoke. The great harpist listened as the great orator expounded the goodness of the America that was, and the glory of the Union that must forever be.
Suddenly, and as if he had willed it, Daniel Webster was swallowed up in a cloud. Before he began to play again , the great harpist was heard to say, " My mother always told me that you could tell a man from New England , but that you couldn't tell him much."
And as he spoke his words formed a cloud of glory around him which engulfed him and bore him away. In the silence that followed was heard the twang of breaking harp strings.
- -R . B . CAUSEY.
RevelationSought
How often have I wished, so desolate and sad, That I might soar earth-free in space Through boundless spheres, and on my face
To have the feel of breathless things no mortal ever had.
And through the mist of outlived fears
Hold up my hands and see the scars
Now gleaming white in dust of stars, And know the needlessness of tears.
-SALLIE HUGHES.
Trapped
MARIA, come quickly, I hear the sound of planes approaching. The sound grows louder. It is the drone of a bumblebee, of two bumblebees, of more bumblebees, perhaps a hundred! Hurry Maria, hurry. We must seek shelter. The drone is a sound of death."
Maria does not answer me. I wonder why. Perhaps she has fallen asleep among the flax. I will look for her. "Maria, Maria."
Roaring thunder, the shriek of an eagle-falling timbers.
Darkness o' ershadows me. I cannot move, I cannot move. A timber, a timber has nailed me to the ground.
"Maria, Maria, come quickly. Your husband needs you."
The sky is a maze of whiteness. I can see it for the roof is not over me. No, the sky is not white, it is red. White streaks of flame shoot madly through it. "Maria, Maria."
A thousand drums are all about me booming. A hundred cellos play a march of death. It is those horrid bumblebees, those horrid bumblebees with engmes.
I hear a baby crying.
"Maria, see to the baby." It is the tailor's child next door.
Its cries now form into a steady tempo. Each separate outiburst pierces as a blade into my flesh.
Why, look at me, I'm crying. And now I'm laughing. Why am I laughing? There is nothing funny. I know not why I laugh. I suppose it is just as easy to laugh as to cry and it serves just the same purpose. That baby again. How foolish it is to cry when there is no one to hear it but me, and I cannot help it.
Beside me on the ground there is a poppy. Its pot was broken in the fall. Come here poppy. T here now, let me kiss you. There now, I've broken you into a thousand pieces, you cursed thing. Why
shou l d beauty flourish while I pain?
A pain is setting in, like lightning. My chin jerks in snappy movements. "Oh please come Maria, please, please come." I squirm again. It is no use. The cruel timber does not seek to release its prisoner. "Curse you, Maria, why don't you come?"
The earth smells sweet and cool and cozy. I feel it with my tongue. It is soft like a mother's breast. I'll dig my nose into it deeper.
More screaming again, more bumblebees. Ah, they gasp and cough and spurt and seem to strangle. Sometimes they ''blubber"°' like the sound air makes when blown through water. Ahhh, what new sound is this. It is the sound of men's voices in the distance. Sometimes they jabber like the monkeys, sometimes they yap like hounds chasing in the woods. Gruesome men are they. They search for the dying and find only the dead.
My eyes are hot. Their sockets seem to flame. A fiery mushy fluid escapes from them and burns a trailway down my face. You horrid, horrid timbers. I'll claw you with my nail, I'll push my fingers through you. No, it is no use. I only sacrifice the red raw flesh. See, bits of it are clinging to the timbers where the nails are.
I am so tired, so very very tired. The muscles in my eyelids won't seem to work. I am laughing again, Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Everything is funny.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. If you be there why do you let me be here such? Oh God, oh God, oh God. Do get me out of this misery.''
The hundred cellos' drone now grows fainter. The baby's whimpers are no longer heard. Where is my pain? Where has it gone? I miss it for I had almost grown fond of it. The world is turning into the figure "8" contracting as the pupil of an eye.
"Oh God, Maria, Maria!"
-BAINE
HARRIS.
·"SHEIS MY LIFE"
"Without her, I am lonely and sad, All seems empty within my heart, Yet her single word makes me feel glad, And malice, sadness, soon depart.
She is my life, my true ideal, Knows each whim and each delight, She knows each thought, the way I feel; When I'm with her all is right.
Softly, tenderly, she has cared for me, Urged me on to greater things, Advisor, counselor, she'll always be. Of her only, my heart sings.
She is my life, my very soul, I love her more than any other, She is ever warm, never coldyou see, this loved one is my Mother."
-DEDICATED To MY MOTHER.
Written by: PATTI BLACK. [ 16}
The shades of night were falling fast. When for a kiss he asked her. She must have answered "yes" because T he shades came down much faster. * * *
- T he R ebel
" Where are you going, my pretty maid?
Why do you pass me by ?"
' Tm on my way to gymnathtics class
She lisped as she heaved a thi g h.
- Ski-U-M ah. * * *
M I K E: " ' Tis a fine lad you have here. A magnificent head and noble features Could you loan m e a couple of dollars? "
PAT : "I could not. ' Tis me wife's child by her first husband."
-Ye ll o il' Jacket. * * *
ALUMNUS: " Why , I'm sorry to hear that. How di d Brother Edgecombe die? "
A T.O. : " He fell through some scaffolding "
ALUMNUS : "What was he doing up there? "
A.T.O.: "Being hanged ."
- S cottie
A boy in long pants got on a bus for five cents; a lad in short pants got on for three cents; and a pretty girl got on for nothing. She had a transfer.
-Sc otti e.
* *
Why do radio announcers have small hands?
Wee paws for station identification.
- S out he rn Coll egian
* *
Overheard in Tower Room :
" Let ' s have a friendly game of cards. "
" Naw , let's play bridge again."
*
He kissed her in the garden; It was a moonlight night. She was a m a rble statue; And he was a little tight. *
* *
Dawn walked softly on the plain,
- Ski- U-Mah
- Garnet .
Glided up the mountain ; tripped, and fell into the valley
