Vol XXII - Issue 7 - OTwo

March 30th, 2016

OTwo

Issue VII

Featuring interviews with: Wolf Alice Spies Them’s The Breaks Noel Sutton

Plus:

Food, Fashion and the latest in Games

CONTENTS

2 Letter from the Editors 3 What’s Hot and What’s Not 3 Mystic Mittens 3 Soapbox: Slow Walkers - Andrew Carroll 4 Prudent Patrick 4 Kanye 2020 - Rebekah Rennick 5 Paris - Mercedes Maria McGovern

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS

FOOD&DRINK

6 London Street Food - Catherine Holland 6 Cooks Corner - Niamh O’Regan 7 Too Many Cooks - Mina Dawood 7 Pasta - Niamh O’Regan

GAMES

8 Exclusivity in Gaming - Aaron Poole 9 Game Reviews - Adam Donnelly and Fiachra Johnston

FILM&TV

10 Reboots - Aaron Murphy 11 Interview with Noel Sutton - David Monaghan 12 Film Reviews 13 Piracy - Ciara Forristal 13 Top 10 Possible Batman Players Films Martin Healy

CREATIVE WRITING 14 The Garden of Eden 15 Selection of Poetry

CENTRE

16 Them’s The Breaks Interview - Eva Griffin

MUSIC

18 Wolf Alice - Aisling Kraus 19 Album Reviews 20 Gig Guide - Aisling Kraus 20 Radar: Oh Joy 21 Spies Interview - Ciara Jane Duffy 22 Battles Interview - Sean Hayes 23 Busking - Owen Steinberger

FASHION&STYLE 24 Dublin de Rigueur - Lucy Coffey 25 Supreme De Paris - Kiera Black 26 The Clash Shoot - Megan Hickey

ARTS&LITERATURE 28 Fiona O’Rourke Interview - Meabh Butler 30 Women Aloud NI - Patrick Kelleher 31 Fatal Fourway: Worst Song Lyrics 32 Fotografie

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THAT’S EVA AND KARL

A PENULTIMATE HELLO! FOR THIS is the second to last issue for this, our magazine, OTwo, for this academic year.

We have, as always, a delicious magazine of arts, culture, and pleasing things for those who take some time and have a little gander. Take your rested heads from the Easter break, fret not for the pending assignments and exam season that trudges ever closer, and simply enjoy the grouping of letters, colourful pictures, and paper that you now possess.

What is an issue of OTwo without a visit from our own Rebekah “pusheen4lyf” Rennick to give us the sweet gossip on what is hot and what is, in fact, quite tepid. And you’d be a fool to pass up some advice from Prudent Patrick and the man himself, Kanye West.

For those with some travelling in mind, you’ll find a lovely piece on the city of lights, Paris.

We move onto the more delicious section of this magazine opening with a feature on our obsession with food shows and a brief stop in the cook’s corner under our own Niamh “nothing but bananas” O Regan. Also present is a lovely feature on the food of London and a look at the new obsession with spiralisers.

Next up is the Games section under Adam “my facial hair is confusing” Donnelly opening with his review of The Bottom of the Well. Ultimate Chicken Horse is reviewed alongside an interesting feature on exclusivity in the gaming industry.

The next page over begins the first few frames of the Film section with an article on reboots. Noel Sutton is also interviewed, manager of the GAZE Film Festival by David “my mug means nothing to me” Monaghan.

Allegiant, El Club, and Disorder are also reviewed while we take a look at the increase in film piracy.

As always we have Roisin “DJ ROLO” Murray with her own short story and a few poems to really make you think, heavy stuff.

Our centre is an interview with the producer and director of a documentary tackling inequality, carried by the powerhouse that is Eva “gift to humanity (and her boyfriend)” Griffin.

Just beyond is the magical world of the Music section led by Aisling “twerk-kween” Kraus, which is bursting at the seams with interviews; with Wolf Alice, Spies, and Battles, and reviews of new albums, including Frankie Cosmos, Black Mountain, and White Denim. We also take a look at Street Music culture in our own fair city and Oh Joy is on our radar this issue.

Next up is the runway to Fashion with a new shoot to keep you entertained while we discuss 3D printing and its place in fashion and a few lines to watch in the coming months, supervised by the multi-hair-coloured editor, Lucy “postering is an art” Coffey.

Finally we come to Arts & Literature. Maebh “French sucks” Butler opens with an article on the Novel Fair and interview with Fiona O’Rourke while we take a look at Northern Irish women writers, and Children’s Children is reviewed beside Kiss my...!

And to end this lovely reading experience, revel in the Fatal Fourway of the Worst Song Lyrics and the magical photographic prowess of the UCD students in Fotografie.

Thanks for reading, from your COTwo,

KARLTON & GRIFFZER

WHAT’S HOT & WHAT’S NOT

SOAPBOX SLOW WALKERS

HOT

NOT HOT

FRENCH POP ARTISTS:

LOUSY SMARCH WEATHER:

Are you saturated and over-familiarised with the tangy pop culture of our music charts? Have you had enough of the dewy-eyed Katy Perry, the can’t-do-wrong monster Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber and that hair? Or, perhaps, you simply wish to seem culturally superior and très chic. Whatever the reason, cast your auricular senses to the French pop maestros currently paving the way in the most stylistic way possible. From Christine & the Queens, Yelle and Renan Luce, these musicians are translating the meaning of pop in their own individual ways. Forget the language barrier, the melodic reawakening will do the talking

Like a bad love interest, March plays with our heart on a day-to-day basis.

The morning sun sings of shorts and t-shirt weather, yet by 4pm there’s a desperate rush to wrap up those prematurely exposed body extremities, and by evening time we’re searching once more for the hot water bottle.

The public transport routes are a reigning cacophony of snuffling noses and hacking throats, the sound of Smarch weather victims. It’s believed even some Irish people have forgotten what heat feels like. Grab that jumper on your way out, it’s still bloody nippy.

BOYZLIFE:

TWITTER: Looking fresh after ten years, the social media platform is a bustling hive of ideas, conversations, comedy, opinions and global information. With some of the biggest news and celebrity stories breaking on the Twitter-sphere each and every day, the platform has become the go-to source for keeping up to date with the world and those around you. While some falter at the first Tweet, others have conquered the skill of its 140-chracter limit. Caitlyn Jenner, Oscar selfies, hashtags, political and social arguments, celebrity beefs and a whole lot of parody profiles (highly recommend @therealjimcorr), Twitter is a rabbit hole worth falling into.

APRIL FOOLS: What other day can you be unceremoniously mean to your friends and blame it on the date? Go on then. Best to avoid the laptop in the lake prank however.

Ah here. Just because your careers have entirely washed up, Brian and Keith, doesn’t mean we have to endure some hideous hybrid of your by-gone youthful successes. Kian Egan’s got The Voice, Nicky Byrne’s got the Eurovision and the radio to keep him occupied, Ronan Keating’s hanging around somewhere too; can’t you both do something equally as inconsequential and avoid this mess. Middle-aged men in suits singing “When You’re Looking Like That” sounds like a night in Coppers, and that’s where that behaviour should stay.

BLISTERS: So you’ve bought the new shoes and life is great. You’ve an outfit planned and the fancy footwear is the cherry on top of your chosen ensemble. But wait, what’s this? Why are your feet searing like a thousand suns and with each step your heel feels as though it’s being sliced in two? What did you do to deserve this, you’ll scream. With great power comes great responsibility, and with great shoes comes some bloody, bruise-y blisters.

MYSTIC MITTENS ARIES

LIBRA

You’ll apply for the Irish First Dates only to end up being paired with that fella you shifted outside Babylon once. Avoid the curry cheese chip lest it conjures up any recollection of said encounter.

Your parents may have lied about the Easter Bunny but they certainly didn’t lie about the potentiality of diabetes after all those Easter eggs.

TAURUS As the season changes once more so should your pair of socks.

GEMINI You may attend a party sometime this month. Or a party may attend you. How should I know, I’m just a furry feline. Have you ever seen a cat at a party? Didn’t think so.

CANCER Despite your best efforts you’re never going to be able to dance like how Ariana Grande dances in heels. Best avoid both the heels and dance floors this fortnight.

LEO A crescent moon this week signifies new beginnings and a fresh start. Now slowly bring that cursor across your laptop screen and click ‘Next Episode’.

VIRGO You’re never too young for an existential crisis. Try to avoid having such an episode this month while staring into a packet of custard creams in the Tescos of Temple Bar, it just makes everyone else uncomfortable.

SCORPIO The midterm is over and so are your hopes and dreams. Soz.

SAGITTARIUS Mars’ transit is indicative of your ongoing transformation into a beautiful, brush-footed butterfly. What do you mean this isn’t the horoscopes for insects?

CAPRICORN Ah yes, Capricorn; the responsible, patient and ambitious zodiac. Known for their individualistic tendencies, they are a strong friend. And by strong we mean someone with some muscle. Better hit the gym buddy.

AQUARIUS

LIFE COMES at you fast. This is a fact all of humanity has known since we climbed out of the primordial ooze all those tens of thousands of years ago. But somewhere along the way we forgot this sole commandment of natural selection. Somewhere between the Renaissance and the Vietnam War humankind decided to take things a little more slowly. Which is fine, I like taking things slow, but only in an appropriate time and place. A Norwegian forest with nothing but the birds and pine trees for company, for example. A summer evening with your favourite alcoholic beverage and some relaxing music. A leisurely stroll on the promenade where no one tells you that you tan like Donald Trump or that your feet were never meant for flip-flops (or the light of day). I’ll tell you where you don’t take it slow though: a busy Dublin street.

Slow walkers are the bane of my existence. If you walk slowly we can’t be friends. If you walk slowly then natural selection is coming for you. If you walk slowly then God has given someone more deserving your place in heaven. To put this problem in perspective I’ve prepared a case study based on nothing but my own rage, frustration and annoyance.

Nassau Street in Dublin’s inner city is a haven for the pests we call slow walkers. Their nests or hives or whatever filthy pits they crawl out of are well-hidden among the Luas Cross-City works. They seem civilised, but beneath their seemingly normal exterior, a sloth-like evil slumbers. They appear just as you pick up your pace forcing you to stop, roll your eyes and try and dodge around them for the next five minutes. Nassau Street is my obstacle course. It is my Afghanistan.

“But Andrew!” I hear you cry out. “I’m a slow walker because my legs are short or I’m just naturally slow!” Enough of your pathetic excuses is my response! Was Julius Caesar a slow walker? No. Was Michael Collins a slow walker? Double no. Was Robocop a slow walker? Wait, disregard that last one. Usain Bolt didn’t walk slowly when he set the world record for the hundred metre sprint in Beijing 2012. Superman didn’t walk slowly when he raced The Flash.

You can bet Jesus Christ did not walk slowly across the water. His boys were in danger so he legged it across the Sea of Galilee. And now you must ask yourself a serious question: “If I’m a slow walker - how do I break this accursed habit?”

The answer is simple. Just like jogging it’s about setting your own pace. Consciously measure your pace. Get an app that counts the steps you take in a day. If that doesn’t work then remember this: the apocalypse is coming. Whether aliens invade, a zombie plague strikes or some Mad Max craziness occurs it’s important to know how to avoid being vaporised, zombified or run over. The answer: walk fast.

Consider a haircut this week. Treat the experience like you’re in an episode of America’s Next Top Model; an exaggerated strop and teary-eyed approach should do the trick.

PISCES You’re feeling particularly paranoid this week – it’s okay, that dog does have a tendency to look more shifty eyed then normal dogs.

Words: Andrew Carroll Illustration: Joanna O’Malley

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PRUDENT PATRICK Dear Prudent Patrick, I recently started my own boutique knalez business, ‘Knalez by Oliver’ and it just doesn’t seem to be taking off how I’d expected. I did a survey with my family and friends and they all said they’d use my service. So why are there no customers?

We have a very strong online presence, with over 70 followers on Instagram (knalezbyoliver) and over 30 Facebook likes. We were visited by Rupert Grant from the Harry Potter series and expected that to be a big boost to our business, but nothing has changed.

Please help me Prudent Patrick!

Dear Oliver, It’s always hard to start a new business, so I must offer my congratulations to you. It’s not an easy feat! Having taken a look at your business page on Facebook and your Instagram, I’m honestly stumped as to what the problem is. I saw an extraordinary talent in your knalez business. I’m not surprised that your friends and family are intrigued. I even wanted to get my nails done

PHOTO PRUDENT PATRICK BEING PRUDENT

KANYE 2020

REBEKAH RENNICK

We would like to interrupt the regular proceedings of this piece, diverging from the Q&A format, as Mr West has requested an appropriate platform for a new Public Service Announcement. This announcement was broadcast directly from the back stores of The Life of Pablo pop-up shop in New York City’s Soho in the early hours of last weekend.

Mr West was reportedly struggling with the screenprinting machine, accidentally imprinting his own face on various pieces of clothing (reportedly a mistake) instead of the promised album name. How one does such a thing is a mystery, yet Mr West made time to make this statement: What’s up, Pres Kanye is back! I been taking a back seat these last few weeks with the 2020 presidential campaign. I realised it’s a little too early to be jumping on that bandwagon so I been channelling my time and energy and good will and general decency into more important outlets; like this outlet in New York, my pop-up outlet with my merchandise for my album, The Life of Pablo if you ain’t heard about it yet.

2016 is gonna be full Mad Max territory for me. Over the past few weeks I have had a lotta revelations. One, the only important colour in this world right now is green. Two, the age of my daughter. Three, my single greatest quality is that I care for y’all; I care about people, the truth,

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Illustrations

by Joanna O'Malley and Aaron Murphy

the future and Justin Bieber (cue Bieber’s What Do You Mean).

While I gone promise a lotta great things for humanity when I become president in 2020 I still need to create in the meantime. I’m only in my mid-thirties and I ain’t gonna listen to nobody who says I ain’t allowed to design or make films or do water colour paintings of my favourite coastal scenes. Taste, art, culture, the quality of life, this is what I’ve been put on this earth to do, to enhance all of y’alls life one awkwardly screen-printed shirt at a time ($65 for a shirt, but I’ll throw in a beanie cause I’m a nice guy). Non-artists are tryna grab the paintbrush, but believe me I got it held tightly and I ain’t letting go. Hell it’s ma paintbrush!

If I can make the same type of impact on this round ball we call earth as say Steve Jobs or Da Vinci or that guy Jesus, then I’d be doing exactly what I was put here to do. I believe I can go beyond and do more then those guys. Let’s fight for our future, let The Life of Pablo (my new album) merchandise act as the uniform of utility and freedom. We will have a voice, predominantly mine though cause I got a lotta say and we ain’t got enough of that right now. I represent the dreamers and in 2020 I will wake those dreamers up and make them breath clean air and exercise the first amendment.

Me and my family bring joy to the world, don’t you ever deny that and in four short years we gone heighten that joy. Everyone’s made mistakes, I just made them in public. But hey, I’m only human. Human with a lotta cash and a strong disdain for suit jackets.

That’s all I gotta say now. Hope y’all love me as much as I love y’all. LOL !!

by you!

Having thought long and hard about this, I think the reason you have no customers is because the general population are bastards. They’re all terrible people: cheap, tacky, and worst of all, their nails are shit and they don’t even have any interest in making them look better. But then if everyone was as artistic as you and I, the agony aunt/nails businesses would experience a massive influx of idiots, and we may find ourselves out of work.

The biggest success of your business so far has definitely been in getting the A-list celebrity Rupert Grant in. He’s really big! I think you need to keep getting celebrity guests.

Have you considered other big names like Sarah Ronan, Donal Farrell, and Bernard Gleeson? There are three Hollywood stars who would be delighted for a free nail job in response for a plug on social media. So get going, Oliver.

And good luck.

Prudent Patrick xoxo Dear Prudent Patrick, I got a piece of communion wafer stuck to the roof of my mouth. This is of great concern because I read that this is most likely a sin. What should I do?

Yours concernedly, Anthony.

Dear Anthony, After reading your letter, I travelled all the way to Knock to bless myself and purge myself of sins. Getting a communion wafer stuck to your mouth is really not good. Basically, you’re fucked, and are almost certainly going to hell. My advice at this point is to live a life of debauchery, gluttony and lust. There’s no point in living a prudent lifestyle when your prudence isn’t going to get you anywhere. Good riddance!

Prudent Patrick xoxo

A CITY adored by all visitors and cherished by its inhabitants has stolen my heart. Paris, as a city so rich in cultural heritage has it all, from architectural wonders such as the L’Arc de Triumph and la Tour Eiffel, indulgent sweet treats and the simply to-die-for local delicacies. Or for those à la mode, the establishment of the Dior brand and the Maison de Louis Vuitton.

As the January blues struck Ireland once again this year, I jetted off to the city of love to experience Paris. Having secured some particularly cheap return flights, I set off.

Such a bargain could not be passed up. It was time to put that Leaving Cert French to the literal test and uncover the true beauty of Paris.

From the moment I touched down in the city, I was struck by its architectural brilliance. They really don’t lie in the movies; the city is just beautiful. The enthralling Avenue de l’Opéra, the iconic Tour Eiffel, the breath-taking Musée d’Orsay and the street of all streets, the rue of all rues, the Champs Élysées all make for a beautiful spectacle.

It might be a romantic stroll you’re looking for in the Jardin du Luxembourg, where many artists of 19th century Paris and those today continue to seek inspiration in the awe-inspiring atmosphere. Or perhaps even embrace the wonders of time travel, embarking on the medieval jewel that is Notre Dame de Paris where an archaeological crypt beneath the main square bares Roman-Gallo foundations.

Culturally, Paris has much to offer. A Parisian icon, the Arc de Triomphe stands at the centre of the Place Charles-de-Gaulle, known as Place de l’Étoile, the starting point of twelve wide avenues. This fifty metre high monument, which can be seen from all along the Champs-Élysées and even beyond, was built in 1806 to celebrate Napoleon’s victory in Austerlitz. The friezes and sculptures on the facades represent the disparate Napoleonic battles. The Unknown Soldier from WWI is buried at the bottom of the arc and his flame rekindled daily.

Climbing along the terrace, you will discover a unique panorama including the Champs Élysées, the Concorde and further along, the photography fabled pyramid of the Louvre.

The Louvre and the Musée d’Orsay are two of the best cultural hotspots for

JOLIE

PARIS

tourists and Parisians alike. Whether it is artistic appreciation, a stimulating ambiance or a new profile picture that you seek, such bountiful cultural heritage is not to be missed. With Claude Monet, Renoir, and even the renowned Maison du Chocolat in such galleries, there is something to cater to all interests. The Louvre houses some of the most famous works of art ever created, perhaps most notably the Mona Lisa, Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece (although many express dissatisfaction upon seeing the legendary painting – it is much smaller and perhaps not as eye-catching as many of the others in the gallery).

The food in Paris is famed for good reason.

Whether it’s lunch al fresco from the local supermarché, a quintessentially French café or an indulgent treat in the ballroom décor of the Musée d’Orsay, French cuisine remains an unbeatable institution. The indulgent local sweet treats and the signature desiccant macaroons make an appearance on each and every corner. When surrounded by such temptation, and of such high quality, why even attempt to resist?

Paris is as synonymous with fashion as it is with food, and it most certainly surpassed my expectations. I happily availed of the free Louis Vuitton exhibition, which was a tour through the ages of pristine Parisian style and impeccable elegance. Haute couture is a hallmark of Parisian life, but there are boutiques to cater for all, even the humble, ever so financially troubled student. As one walks down the stretch of the Champs Élysées, there is so much on offer from the flagship high-end designer stores, which are well worth a gander.

Vintage shopping is an experience not to be missed in this fashion capital. Like the food, when immersed and overwhelmed with such inspiration and colour around every corner, the only solution is to just jump in.

The most visited capital in the world, Paris is home to many historical monuments and a myriad of museums. It is certainly not by chance that Honore de Balzac described the epicentre of French cultural life by declaring that “Paris is an ocean. Throw in the probe, you’ll never know the depth”. In my four days in Paris, much was uncovered, but so much more awaits. If you ever have the chance to embark on such a journey, do not think twice before plunging into one of the most beautiful and amazing places in the world.

WORDS: MERCEDES MARIA MCGOVERN

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LONDON CALLING: STREET FOOD

AN ECLECTIC MIX OF CULTURES AND CUISINES MAKES LONDON AN UNSURPRISING PARADISE FOR FOOD LOVERS AND EXPLORERS. CATHERINE HOLLAND FINDS THAT AUTHENTIC FOOD FROM AROUND THE WORLD IS JUST A SHORT HOP OVER THE IRISH SEA

Photographs courtesy of Trisha O'Neill

“LONDON has always been a popular tourist destination with a great student scene swelling with quirkiness, high end fashion and interesting people. It has a reputation for being an expensive city, but don’t let this put you off. When it comes to dining, street food is the answer to student budget prayers.

Spitalfield and Brick Lane markets located beside each other are a short walk from Liverpool Street station. Street art decorates every corner with images and quotes with uplifting gestures from London dreamers. The area’s a hidden London gem, so be sure not to forget your camera. Whether your stomach is in a pickle or you’re travelling with a mixed bunch, these two markets, offering a range of street food from all ethnic backgrounds, cater for all needs. Whether it’s something for the sweet tooth, hangover food to rescue you from the night before or something healthy to line the stomach for the two for one cocktails later on in Clapham, you’re well covered.

Sushi is available, freshly made before your eyes from prices as low as £1 for curious tasters to mix and match boxes for £6. Ethiopian food is fresh, quick and healthy comprising of lots of vegetarian and vegan options. Spanish dishes such as paella are available alongside Mexican

burrito stalls and Asian cuisine choices including curries, dhals and stir-fries. The falafel wraps are a healthy and filling option. Ask for as much hummus, red cabbage and haloumi as they can stuff in there for the best £5 you’ll spend all weekend.

Freshly made juices are a good pick me up after the night before, and are on offer in these markets from just £1. The ginger, beetroot and lime detox will surely clear the cobwebs from whatever Irish pub you ended up in last night. The fancier crepe as opposed to the modest pancake is also always a winner whether you’re looking for a sweet or savoury option. Providing for all the seasons, it can be Christmas all year round with freshly brewed mulled wine and cider available, really adding to that holiday feel.

Dietary restrictions are no problem in the Big Smoke. Gluten and dairy free, vegetarian and vegan options are in abundance, especially when it comes to the sweet counter. Brick Lane market bears an array of exciting and vibrant deserts, banana breads and chocolates, with creative fusions of coconut and fruit

flavours as well as perfected classics. Coffee lovers won’t be disappointed with the organic and sustainably produced coffee beans used to brew some of the smoothest cups of coffee you’ll ever taste. Adding to the theme of Brick Lane, one barista serves up to queues from his iconic black cab turned coffee shop.

Wafts of ginger, garlic, chilli, cumin and coriander accompany you through your browsing. All dishes are made fresh and are up front and personal just like the proud stall owners openly showing their passion for food.

Main dishes are available from £4 – a fraction of restaurant prices, but not of the quality. Stall owners will usually let you taste their dishes, so if stuck between the various delicious options, why not ask for half and half. Not forgetting what else is available, these two destinations dish up more than top class cuisine. The area has a proud vintage history, with shopkeepers and stall owners owning their own individual style. Beautiful vintage clothes and jewellery at affordable prices are a student’s dream, so why not check it out for something original and stylish to fill your cabin luggage with.

Camden market is located beside the renowned vintage clothes markets provides a selection of multicultural food similar to the

options mentioned above and at similar prices. A popular destination for tourists and locals guarantees there will always be a good atmosphere alongside interesting people. With a wide range of dietary restriction friendly options Camden food markets cater something for everyone and you might even pick up a vintage gem along the way.

The Maltby Street market sets up in LASSCO Ropewalk every weekend with a selection of regular stall owners and food passionistas. It is the Princess Grace of street food, upping the game and class of the farmer’s market scene. Fresh fish finger sandwiches, lamb kebabs drizzled with a minty tzatziki dip, beef jerk and home made scotch eggs are some of the mouth-watering wonders of this little treasure. Breakfast waffles with cured bacon and maple syrup or salmon with lemon fraiche taste as good as they look (which is pretty damn good). At their pop-up bars try some of the craft beer, fine wines and cured meats available, or perhaps a Bloody Mary made with locally distilled Little Bird Gin, using botanicals including grapefruit and orange. Much

smaller than the aforementioned markets, quality will subside quantity here in a true foodie’s food heaven. Prices are a little steeper, but a hearty and succulent steak sandwich with chunky chips fried in duck fat won’t cost you more than £8 and when it’s served in a toasted ciabatta with fresh mixed salad, how could you not?

Good food doesn’t have to be expensive and fast food doesn’t have to be unhealthy.

London has some of the best street food out there. If you’re planning on taking a trip across the waters make sure and check out these markets for a real taste of London – its characters and its fine food.

COOK’S CORNER

BANANA SPLIT Breakfast is apparently the most important meal of the day, and should fuel the body for the many working hours ahead, without making you want to crawl back into bed in a food coma.

Most breakfasts are quite straight forward; little preparation and simple assembly. This breakfast is packed with slow release energy, protein, and all round deliciousness Ingredients: 1 banana 50-80g prepared soft fruit (depending on what is in season, fresh or frozen berries, nectarines and peaches all work well)

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50g unsweetened muesli or granola 4 tbsp. Greek or frozen yoghurt 2 tbsp. nut butter (peanut, almond or cashew) 30g mixed seeds (pumpkin, sunflower) Method:

chocolate chips on top or swap them for the mixed seeds. This is quite a free moving recipe, adaptable to all tastes and allergies. Chopped nuts, gogi berries, honey, maple syrup and coconut flakes all make excellent additional or substitute toppings.

Peel banana and cut down the middle lengthways Spread nut butter along the inside of the banana Top nut butter with Greek or frozen yoghurt Sprinkle muesli/granola on top Add soft fruit and mixed seeds if desired Serve with fresh juice, a smoothie or morning beverage of choice.

For optimum healthiness use nut butter with a high nut, low sugar ratio. For a slightly sweeter taste add

Photograph courtesy of BBC Goodfood

NIAMH O REGAN GOES IN FOR A HEALTHY ENERGISING BREAKFAST

TOO MANY COOKS?

BAKE OFF, MASTERCHEF, CUPCAKE WARS AND OTHERS LIKE THEM ARE CONSTANT AND GROWING TELEVISION PRESENCES. MINA DAWOOD EXPLORES THE POSSIBILITIES BEHIND OUR OBSESSION WITH FOOD TELEVISION IT NOW seems that at any hour, on any day, you can choose among a half dozen food shows to watch. The reality is that no matter how many of these shows we watch on TV, we will never taste the end product. So why are there so many popular food shows and more importantly, why are we watching them?

You don’t always find people sitting at home cheering on their favourite food or chef like you would find a sports fan celebrating a winning goal at home from their couch. What you do find are people admiring, staring, drooling and perhaps daydreaming. But how many of the people doing the admiring and gasping actually dream of cooking the food or want to know more about the process of cooking? What motivates us to tune into food television?

Unfortunately, the idea of families gathering around the table in the evening to eat home cooked meals is becoming alien to people. One idea as to why food shows are so popular is that for these young people, televised cooking fills the void of mouth-watering home-cooked meals.

Another idea that is often mooted as to why food television is so successful is that when people turn on the TV, as opposed to doing something more interactive or challenging, they’re most likely looking to create a relaxing setting. They want something that doesn’t require close attention, or that will strain the mind. Food television provides just that. You can browse online or glance through a magazine, while ten feet away is Nigella Lawson, grilling pork chops, sautéing vegetables and mashing potatoes. For some, this experience is not compelling enough to get them to run into the kitchen, but instead puts them at peace, like therapeutic music

''FOR SOME, THIS EXPERIENCE IS NOT COMPELLING ENOUGH TO GET THEM TO RUN INTO THE KITCHEN, BUT INSTEAD PUTS THEM AT PEACE, LIKE THERAPEUTIC MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.''

playing in the background.

Frank Bruni, a former New York Times restaurant critic said that “food is an aspect of culture that, because everyone necessarily participates in it to some degree, is more egalitarian than, say, ballet, or opera, or even theatre. It’s easier and less intimidating to join the fray and weigh in with an opinion.”

It would seem that everyone has something to say about food. Cooking is something that nearly everyone does at some point, and the majority of us aspire to do well. But not all can.

Many who know how to do it often don’t have the time or urge. Ordering take-out or popping one of Marks and Spencer’s finest into the microwave is so much easier.

A factor that always seems to be mentioned in the debate on the popularity of foodie programmes is our personal identification with the on-screen participants.

People have their favourite celebrity chefs: Rachel Allen, Bobby Flay, Rachael Ray or Emeril Lagasse. These chefs have a huge part to play in the success of food television.

Their characters and personalities alone will often entice people to tune in and follow their recipes. It is no secret that many of the food series and cooking shows are cheap to produce. They have the advantage of an in-built market for advertisers and have an incredible spin-off potential for competitors and hosts. Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver

have released numerous books and opened many restaurants. MasterChef is now a global brand and Netflix can be accessed nearly anywhere.

Cooking has become something of a spectator sport. Many of the shows now involve an element of competition. Contest shows are very different to your classic, soothing, step-by-step cooking show where Rachel Allen will chat to you and tell you wonderful tales while she meticulously stuffs a pheasant and begins to make preparations for a cranberry sauce. The focus of contest shows such as Come Dine with Me or Cutthroat Kitchen is on the desire of the contestants to win and their frustration when they lose rather than on what they cook. Combine this with their frantic activity under a tight time restriction, obscure tasks and hilarious commentary and you are onto a winner.

It would seem that if we can’t have a beautiful dish right in front of us at home, the next best this is to soak it up on-screen. We are obsessed with finding things that make us happy, and simply knowing that bourbon pecan chicken exists makes us happy. We are addicted to the food making process, the persona of the chefs and the many problems the reality cooks go through to achieve that one perfect dish for us to devour – but with our eyes rather than our mouths.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF BBC

THE HEADHUNTING OF BELOVED CARBOHYDRATES HAS LEFT NIAMH O REGAN WONDERING IF SPIRALIZERS ARE FRIENDLY VEGETABLE PROMOTERS, OR JUST RUTHLESS PASTA KILLERS

PASTA LA VISTA

THE INTERNET and modern recipes are awash with recipes professing love for thin twisty cuttings of vegetables replacing pasta. Never again will evil, gluten filled, bloat-inducing pasta have to cross your lips. The spiralizer will save you from that. Carrots, sweet potato and most popularly, courgette are on the rise

as the base for meals where spaghetti and fusilli proudly stood. While vegetables are actually quite delicious, they really don’t need to pretend to be tagliatelle. Sometimes all you want from your evening meal is a warming massive bowl of macaroni and cheese, made with real life pasta, not courgetti.

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Exclusivity IT IS NOT a fallacy to say games are the new pillars of the entertainment industry. The last few years have seen the growth of the video game sector to heights that just keep one-upping themselves, generating profit figures of over $100 billion across the sector on an annual basis, and unsurprisingly at that. The newest generation of consoles have finally begun to settle and mature in the homes of consumers worldwide. The app world and the prevalence of mobile gaming only continues to assert its justification as a major sector in the area.

Alongside this, the world of PC gaming is more relevant than ever, with Steam Boxes and VR headsets moving in as mainstays looking towards the future in how we experience interactive entertainment. The industry is in a diverse and multifaceted position, poised to dominate the world of entertainment for years to come. Despite this, all is not well in the production pipeline.

There is an issue in the industry today that boils down to the way game development and production is handled. Games are, obviously, what fuel this market – the constant production and release of new titles are what keep the dollar sign ticking over in the industry. But when it comes to how we enjoy these games, there is room for choice, albeit with caveats. Avoiding PC releases for the time being and looking at the current generation of game consoles, Sony’s PlayStation 4 and Microsoft’s Xbox One are the two systems that are at the forefront of the industry, the proverbial “poster boys” of the digital entertainment. This is largely due to the exclusive partnerships the console manufacturers have with certain developers. It is here, however, where issues begin to arise.

Console exclusives have, naturally, been a staple for games consoles since the days of the Magnavox Odyssey right up to today’s console generation. It is the one thing, apart from graphic differentials and controller input, that sets apart the experience to be had between machines. Each console will have their defining titles, developed for them by offshoot divisions of the manufacturer prior to release, such as Microsoft Game Studios (first Xbox games, notably Halo) or Sony Polyphony Digital (Gran Turismo). These studios would carry the consoles into the public light for the first time. This results in a battle to earn their capital which they would then further invest into their own in-house IPs (intellectual properties) and the production of their own games which would only ever appear on the manufacturer’s respective console. This was beneficial to the consumer as new material was constantly being produced specifically for the owners of that specific console, almost as a thank you note for the consumer’s allegiance to that specific brand.

In recent years, manufacturers have pinned exclusivity, both in terms of full game exclusivity and console specific content, as pivotal selling points for the console, if not the sole reason you should purchase it. This has led to console manufacturers reaching out to third party developers with substantial monetary offers in an attempt to buy exclusivity for their console to try and edge ahead of their competitor. The likes of last year’s Square Enix’s Rise of the Tomb Raider, an Xbox One exclusive, is a sequel to Tomb Raider, a

8

and the State of Video Games With exclusivity tearing the gaming world in two, Aaron Poole takes a look at what exclusivity has done to the gaming market

game which was available on multiple platforms.

The Assassin’s Creed franchise will feature exclusive content for those playing through the “definitive” edition on Sony’s PlayStation 4, again due to exclusivity partnerships.

The argument that presents itself is whether the money being used to purchase this exclusivity is being used inadequately or not. The issue that arises here is that there is now an estrangement of customers by the developers who have decided to partner with these manufacturers. Speaking on the matter, online personality Steven Williams has said that “this doesn’t sell consoles, it just pisses people off. That’s the kind of thing that makes a PC gamer say ‘I’ll never own a PlayStation because they gutted my version of the game’”.

The launch of the current generation of consoles is now twenty-eight months past. To enforce the launch of their new consoles, the manufacturers would again employ this method of purchasing their exclusives. However, what many thought would be a continuation of the previous generation’s trend, which saw an equitable division of the market between Sony and Microsoft’s PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 (with Nintendo’s Wii also a corralling a substantial amount of the overall audience), has now skewed in favour of Sony’s console, leading to a less than impressive run of Xbox One sales for Microsoft. The spending on exclusives has landed Microsoft in deficit, which has caused a ripple effect across any company directly affiliated with the tech giant, the result of which is directly negative for the consumer. Earlier this month, the video-game world saw the death of an iconic game development studio with the closure of Lionhead Studios. Known across the board for the development of their trademark series, Fable, the studio was closed without a day’s notice, just as they were about to launch open testing for their latest title, Fable Legends. Lionhead, who were initially an independent development studio, had its doors closed as a subsidiary of Microsoft Game Studios, the same firm who ordered its closure.

As a result of the push towards exclusivity, Microsoft are now in a position where they are not only under fire from elsewhere over their exclusivity deals, but also suffering as a result of their overspending. Not only have they had to close down beloved studios such as Lionhead, but six other studios were shut down by the corporation on the same day in the same notice.

It is also worth noting that of those studios shut down, some were working on Microsoft Holo-Lens material, indicating that the future of the technology at Xbox could potentially suffer delays as a result of spending on exclusivity.

In either case, it is clear to see that, amidst all of the dealings that go on over exclusivity, the one person who loses in this situation is the consumer.

If we are to fully enjoy the experience created by a studio that we indulge in, it is now a case of owning the right console at the right time – a luxury not afforded to most people, as opposed to enjoying the benefits of siding with a particular brand from the outset. This results in the worst possible situation: gamers are being denied the ability to play the way they want because of exclusivity.

ULTIMATE CHICKEN HORSE REVIEW Words by Fiachra Johnston

DEVELOPER – CLEVER ENDEAVOUR GAMES PUBLISHER – CLEVER ENDEAVOUR GAMES RELEASE – 4 MARCH 2016

THERE are genres that define certain periods in gaming, and with the rise of the Wii in the late 2000s, party games and casual gaming have come to be a mainstay in the market today. Even before then, games like Mario Party allowed everyone and their grandmother to join in, and most games relied on locally based multiplayer rather than the online gaming gamers have become accustomed to nowadays.

Ultimate Chicken Horse (an eye-catching title to say the least) aims to return to that era of gaming with friends on the couch, while mixing in the mass appeal of modern party games. Although this is nostalgic, it’s not as effective a few hours in as it may seem upon first playing.

There’s no tutorial, but the premise is easy to pick up. Up to four players compete to reach the end of a level and accrue points by building a path one piece at a time. They must simultaneously try to deny their opponents from getting there through clever use of booby traps and pitfalls, and by sabotaging their parts of the course. It’s hard to deny: the gameplay of Ultimate Chicken Horse is just flat out eccentric fun. The requirement of not only constructing one’s course to get across safely, but also punish your friends adds

a surprisingly strategic element to the madness, and is a nice switch up from the usual frantic spiel most party games deliver. Like Mario Party, this is bound to cause arguments between siblings as they send each other plummeting to their demise with a well-placed obstacle and careen towards the finish line. The 2D art style compliments the comical absurdity well and crafting death-traps is a pleasure on the eyes. The sound design is also top quality. It’s a real gift to the senses and in an age of brown and grey everything in gaming, the colourful palette and vibrant atmosphere is a refreshing change.

Ultimate Chicken Horse does try perhaps too much to harken back to its old school roots on the technical side of things however, which is ultimately its downfall.

There’s no form of single player (the crowdfunding campaign has promised this, so it may change) or way to play against bots either, so unless playing with a group, this game offers close to nothing. Currently online multiplayer (which is in open beta at the time of writing) is restricted to friends as well, with no form of matchmaking or lobbies, something that could have been a draw to those who would rather not try and find nearby mates to play with. Even

then, while the game plays well, there isn’t a whole lot to keep people engrossed for hours upon hours. This is a game to pick up and play with friends for at short amount of time before moving onto something else, and the overall lack of content right now is a harsh reminder of this.

Though this is currently a PC exclusive, it’s clear that this is a game that should have been made for consoles. All the button prompts are for a gamepad, and the local multiplayer, much like the recent Duck Game, requires players to be on the same PC as their soon-to-be mortal enemies, something much more suited to a console.

Ultimate Chicken Horse has the potential to be a great party game, but ultimately falls just short of being truly fantastic. There is a lot of fun to be had but there simply needs to be a lot more of it, as there’s just not enough variety to keep most people entertained beyond a few hours of playtime.

A console release is sorely needed to push the local multiplayer aspect of the game.

With a promised single player experience and online support on its way, what content is already there promises a hectic competitive experience that makes it worth its €15 asking price, though just barely.

THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL REVIEW

THE BOTTOM Of The Well is a free to play visual novel RPG developed by Red Nettle Games. That little summary may make the package sound extremely unappealing, but in the spirit of Alice In Wonderland, upon which the game is based, players are encouraged to go down the rabbit hole and discover a plethora of intriguing gaming experiences.

The Bottom Of The Well is a macabre take on Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice In Wonderland. This wouldn’t be the first time Alice and co, already a twisted bunch by themselves, have been dipped in acid for the video-game treatment. American McGee’s “Alice” series springs to mind.

This time the player is invited into a world of apocalyptic and nuclear ruin, as Alice recounts a disconcertingly lifelike dream she had in which the world ended. The story appears to exist very much in the real world outside of Wonderland, creating a sort of fourth wall dilemma as characters such as the Mad Hatter being aware of, and co-existing with the book that made him iconic.

Being a visual novel, story and gameplay work in tandem to create the experience. This is a text based game, and a very wordy one at that so be prepared to do a lot of reading. Basic reading ability is essential to fully enjoy this game given the vastness of paths and routes that can be taken. Indeed, Alice’s bizarre dream sports

many threads and unravelling it all will lead players down a rabbit hole of their own. A single play through of The Bottom Of The Well will only last about 20 minutes or maybe even 30, but this is a game that triumphs in the replay value department. There are so many branching paths for the player to unearth and so many endings to discover. By the time everything is seen and done, many hours will be clocked on the counter. It naturally helps that the presented narrative is engaging and intriguing enough to pull players along through its many twists and turns. There is incredible value here, especially at the unbeatable price of free.

That being said, there is not much flexibility in the gameplay other than clicking on the options to branch out into a particular path of the story. There are some light RPG elements to be had, with players being able to customise their Alice with certain attributes that make particular pathways and endings more in reach than others, but beyond that there’s not an awful lot that’s dynamic or exciting to interest anybody not of the reading and clicking persuasion. Then again, exactly how much can be demanded of a free to play indie that’s already of a staggering quality?

Presentation wise, the game is great.

The art direction is delightfully morbid and distant, featuring a black and white colour scheme that anachronistically blends the Victorian aesthetic of Alice, with the bombed debris of any WWII city and a post-apocalyptic

Words by Adam Donnelly

TITLE: THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL DEVELOPER/PUBLISHER: RED NETTLE GAMES PLATFORM: PC RELEASE: 17TH MARCH

portrait of our own uncertain, nuclear future.

The soundtrack is beautifully haunting, with sombre piano keys prompting to peel back the many layers of this twisted world. For as grand and dystopian as this review makes the game out to be, it’s actually quite understated. These elements come nicely together and allude to the possibility that this could be our future. The horror stems from the player coming to that realisation through repeated play-throughs. For absolutely nothing, The Bottom Of The Well is an easy recommendation to make. It’s also easy to shrug off as its lack of a price tag means there’s real risk/reward in investing in it. Those who enjoy the visual novel approach to video-game storytelling will find plenty to enjoy here.

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Resurrecting a Dying Art: Reboots and Remakes ARE REMAKES KILLING INNOVATION IN CINEMA? AARON MURPHY DISCUSSES THE RECENT TREND OF REBOOTING STORIES THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN TOLD IT IS often bandied about that there are only two types of story: a man goes on a journey, and a stranger comes to town. Often this will be accredited to some author or other (like Leo Tolstoy or John Gardner, from a cursory Google search) who probably heard the idea somewhere else and rephrased it. Of course, this is not plagiarism. This is, in fact, a prime example of artistic re-expression. This is just a form of reboot: something that has become extremely popular in recent years. It’s not altogether clear if this absolutism can be used as a justification for showing us the same old man being shot, and the same young, radioactivespider powered nephew taking this as a sign to use his powers responsibly three times in 15 years (if the Spider Man Reboot pitched for 2017 goes ahead). So why do reboots happen, and how necessary are they?

Rebooting is not a new concept; whether it be King James soliciting a new and edited version of the Bible in 1611 (to make money selling “the official version”), or the fourth edition of Kelly and the Irish Constitution on the desk of suffering and now broke law students. Often it’s clear that these rebooted franchises have a following, so the new edition will sell and the publishers will make money. Money is what Hollywood is all about – it’s why films are often judged on box office worth rather than critical reception.

The reboots could contain something worthwhile (arguably the Amazing Spider Man films starring Andrew Garfield were actually good films) and they may open up new opportunities to tell new stories (like the Blade reboot slated to be made to bring Blade into the Marvel Cinematic Universe), but they’re probably being made for the money.

It’s simple logic to someone who produces films for money.

Step 1: Take a well-loved franchise that made lots of money. Step 2: Make it again and make sure people spend lots of money coming to see it (see 3D as a marketing/money making device). Step 3: Profit.

Unfortunately these reboots are making money, so we’re getting very little else other than sequels, reboots and enfranchisement coming out of studios and producers. They decide what gets made, and hire people to do it for maximum profit. Filmmakers don’t go out and shop around for studios and producers to get films made unless that filmmaker is Steven Spielberg. So are rampant reboots bad for the film industry?

While you may be utterly fatigued at the thought of watching another remake, arguably they’re actually good for the industry.

Reboots make lots of money, they get more people in to the industry, and therefore more creative minds to make new films.

But from the consumers’ point of view, reboot fever is a bad development. Though you get these creative minds being hired, they are not decision makers; they get hired to pump out lowest common denominator reshoots and ultimately get stuck in by-the-numbers creative work.

If you’re a director and you’re hired to make something that has a history of success behind it, you’re going to go by the formula that thousands of successful films before you have followed. Consumers end up with shots, lighting, action, dialogue and stories that don’t challenge them, that don’t do anything new.

Innovation in western cinema was buried at the box office. Instead we get served sadistically similar action films with lots of choppy cuts, meant to give rhythm to poorly choreographed action scenes; romances which feature the object of affection horizontal on a bed, lit from above in soft white light and smiling half covered

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''IT IS WHEN FILM HAS BECOME A SCIENCE, WHEN IT HAS BEEN TRANSLATED INTO A THREE STEP FORMULA FOR PROFIT THAT WE REALLY LOSE THE VALUE OF WHAT IS OUR MOST INCLUSIVE ART.'' by the pillow to show carefree beauty and playfulness; and comedy films that will use the same formula of shot, reverse-shot when doing dialogue because how else would we know who’s talking?

This has the dangerous potential to become a vicious circle, one where we get served rudimentary films on repeat. We accept and pay for them, more get made because they made money, we assume they’re great because that’s all there is, and we live Owen Wilson comedies for the rest of our lives. Essentially it has the potential to make the population cinematically illiterate. When a medium like film (which can contain every art form and medium – music, dialogue, visual composition, movement, lighting, colour) is made homogeneous, we know there is something wrong.

So, are reboots really necessary? Not really. There are plenty of new stories to tell, but they won’t get told because they’re untested.

Reboots stand on the shoulders of a giant problem, which is the slow death of individuality in Western cinema and the acceptance of this by the Western audience. Reboots could just be the solution to this problem.

Reboots can have merit and there’s a balance to be struck between making a film that people will still enjoy for its similarity, and making a film that will feel individual. They aren’t meant to feel wholly individual by their nature. They’re meant to have a familiar tone, but Mad Max: Fury Road did something impressive. It was accessible to a new audience, they made the film a reflection of its preceding works and they made it entertaining and unlike many films we’ve seen before.

There is a way to do reboots right, but there is no formula, and that’s the point. Formulas don’t really have a place in art. It is when film has become a science, when it has been translated into a three step formula for profit that we really lose the value of what is our most inclusive art. OTwo’s advice to filmmakers: reboot to your hearts content, but don’t reshoot or republish. Pick something that had an audience, give it time to be forgotten, then make it your own.

If a compromise can be struck it would be great. If creativity returns to films by dredging up old subject matter, so be it: it’s a step in the right direction.

AHEAD OF THIS YEAR’S GAZE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL, MANAGER AND CEO NOEL SUTTON SAT DOWN WITH OTWO TO TALK ABOUT THIS YEAR’S FESTIVAL, AND THE NEED FOR DIVERSITY IN POST-REFERENDUM IRELAND DUBLIN is home to a number of film festivals, but perhaps the most unique of these is the GAZE International Film Festival. Now in its 24th year, and focusing on films about or made by LGBT people, the festival has become an enormous draw for crowds each summer when it takes place. At its core is the integrity and artistry of the films they show, however, as festival manager Noel Sutton is keen to stress.

“We would travel a bit to see what’s out there,” Sutton says. “We would work with the distributors – international distributors – not just LGBT distributors, but major distributors to see what they have coming down the line. So we select from what’s available on an international basis.

And then on an Irish basis, we spend a lot of time working with schools and colleges to develop and present a platform for people to present their material. Over the last few years we’ve been very lucky with the amount of Irish content, and specifically the fact that people are actually making content for our festival as well.”

As usual, this year’s festival will take place over the August bank holiday. All details haven’t been announced, and Sutton is reticent about revealing the line up to OTwo yet. He confirms that there will be an Irish feature premiered. “Can’t tell you yet!” he laughs when pressed on what it will be. “What I can tell you is that it will happen the August bank holiday weekend, again… It’ll be in the Lighthouse Cinema. We will have probably around 38 screenings, features, documentaries, shorts, programs.”

“Every year we try to do something new, something different, so we’re working on what that will be this year,” he continues. “And then we try to have different threads that run through the festival. And again that pretty much depends on what’s available to us to show. We open a submission process at the beginning of the year that doesn’t close until the end of May, so it’s hard at the moment to know what’s out there.”

The films are central for Sutton, but he is also very aware of the festival’s importance in a number of other areas, such as increasing diversity and political awareness of LGBT lives and stories. “As an LGBT film festival it’s not just about screening some movies at the weekend. There’s the whole education side behind it, which is just as important as the festival itself. Because politically, I suppose, just by having an LGBT film festival, it’s political, we’re taking a stand. And I suppose what we’re doing is making sure that LGBT people have a cultural point, but also that we can use our stories because film is about storytelling, documentary is about storytelling. So what we want to do is take those stories and utilise them to the best to be able to bring them and show them in places where they would not normally be seen.”

It would be easy, then, to assume that the GAZE Festival is a film for LGBT people exclusively. Sutton feels strongly that these stories shouldn’t just be viewed by those within the community, however. “I think it’s important for LGBT people to see them, but not just LGBT people,” he explains.

“I think it’s important that we try to get them seen by as many people as possible. And that’s why, over the last number of years we’ve worked on making our festival very open, that it’s not just about LGBT people. You don’t have to be gay and lesbian to come to our film festival. And as a matter of fact we have a huge diverse audience that come to our film festival, we have a committed core group of people who come to our festival annually and regularly and really engage in it and get the best out of it. But more and more, it’s becoming about being able to bring your friends and family, go and see a good movie or go and see a good documentary, and have a group of people who are likeminded, and be able to sit around afterwards and talk about it.”

As a smaller film festival, getting volunteers to come in and help with the festival is essential to its success. “We rely heavily on our volunteers,” he says. “We talk about our volunteers as being the backbone of the organisation, because we wouldn’t be able to do all we want to do if we didn’t have volunteers there to get involved, to greet and

chat to people and to be the front of our festival. So it’s really important and we constantly canvas for new young people to come and engage with us, to get involved in the festival. And so it’s probably something that anyone who’s maybe reading this, that might be interested, they can just pop us an email.”

In a post-referendum Ireland, where marriage equality is now a reality, the GAZE film festival may seem to some like an outdated concept – an unnecessary segregation that only heightens stigma. Sutton feels strongly about the importance of the existence of this kind of a festival.

“There’s probably more of a place for it now than there ever was before,” he says. “Our LGBT stories, they’re powerful, just by their very existence. And we at GAZE want to make sure that we have a platform for those stories, that we share those stories with as many people as possible.

We’re very lucky here now in Ireland that we do have marriage equality, that we do have certain rights, and that we do have what might be seen by other people as a cushy life. But that’s not necessarily the case. We still have LGBT people being beaten up on the streets, being abused, who are not able to come out in their workplace. And so, we still have to strive to make sure that we have full equality, but not just in Ireland, right across the globe. A lot of the stories that we show from other countries, from Poland or Sierra Leone, or any of the documentaries that come in, will show you the hardship that our brothers and sisters face. So it’s always really important that we share those stories, that we have creative platforms for those stories.”

Beyond the need for diversity and representation, Sutton goes back to the basic ideal of the film festival: celebration.

“It’s about us celebrating our culture,” he says. “It’s about LGBT people celebrating our identity, and having a space to do that, and to be able to do that in an open and free manner, and to celebrate. So our festival has been running for 24 years, and I sincerely think it’s going to run for at least another 24.”

Interview: David Monaghan Words: Patrick Kelleher

Those interested in volunteering at the GAZE International Film Festival can log onto www.gaze.ie for further information. The festival will take place this August Bank Holiday weekend, from 28th July to 1st August.

Showcasing Diversity

''WE STILL HAVE LGBT PEOPLE BEING BEATEN UP ON THE STREETS, BEING ABUSED, WHO ARE NOT ABLE TO COME OUT IN THEIR WORKPLACE.''

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FEW FILMS manage to penetrate our cruel black hearts these days. Take Spotlight, this year’s Best Picture; modern dissociation has, arguably, made it possible to relive the exposé of the Catholic Church’s child sexual abuse scandals with merely a tinge of melancholy.

However El Club manages to crack open that seal with aplomb. The film takes Spotlight’s subject matter and digs deeper; it focuses on a “treatment centre” for abusive priests lodged in La Boca Vista, Chile. The four interned priests we follow are not allowed to interact with outsiders, and aside from their minder, an ex-nun, they have only a greyhound for company. They train it to race and lodge bets on its success, managing to pull in a few pesos. Not priestly behaviour, exactly, but it’s made clear that their lives are otherwise empty. And you almost feel sorry for them.

DIRECTED BY: PABLO LARRAÍN STARRING: ALFREDO CASTRO, ROBERTO FARÍAS, ANTONIA ZEGERS RELEASE DATE: RELEASED IN CHILE MAY 28TH, 2015.

DEBUTS AT THE IFI MARCH 26TH, 2016

Their racket is disrupted by Sandokan (Farías), a man whose life was ruined by an abusive priest. He half shouts, half moans a retelling of his scarred past, ignoring their pleas for him to quiet down or to come inside. Padre Ramírez, a new arrival, is given a pistol and told to scare the accuser off. Ramírez is soon found dead by a young agent of the Catholic Church, who interviews the older priests, picking apart their lies and searching for a recount of what happened to the late Father. We are led from a dull, melancholy drama into a chilling detective story seamlessly.

One of the priests cannot talk, his mind clouded and wasting, his default expression one of open-mouthed confusion: his visage is deeply disturbing. During an interview, the Church agent asks another priest, Padre Vidal (Castro) whether or not he considers himself a criminal—he only

EL CLUB laughs in response. Each priest echoes the same sentiment: “I’m not twisted.”

Director Pablo Larraín is uncompromising in his representation of these warped minds of the Catholic forsworn: we see just how twisted they can be.

IN A NUTSHELL: El Club traces the inevitable fall of those who lead a selfish life, confronting the systemic corruption of the Catholic Church. This film is not afraid to get violent, or horrifying, in piercing the veil.

OWEN STEINBERGER

ALLEGIANT TO MAKE a successful film aimed at a teenage market, simply rework a successful dystopian novel franchise. Add in the teeny-bopper heart throbs of the day, stir in some good old fashioned shoot ’em-up action, and balance it with an equal measure of romance. Sprinkle heavily with Hollywood tropes. Pour it into a dystopian American landscape (with unusually circular cities). Then, most importantly, divide the final part in two.

Allegiant is the third part of the amazingly successful and woefully formulaic Divergent franchise. Triss (Shailene Woodley) is two thirds (well, three-quarters if you want to be specific) of the way through saving the now walled city of Chicago from a dystopian civil war, fuelled by different factions. So far, so good. She has an assortment of side-kicks of varying levels of likeability, and they’re all off to see the Wizard.

Wait, scratch that, wrong film.

Confusingly enough, two of these side-kicks are played by Hollywood’s young men of the moment, and Woodley’s co-stars on previous films, Ansel Elgort (The Fault in Our Stars) and

DIRECTED BY: ROBERT SCHWENTKE STARRING: SHAILENE WOODLEY, THEO JAMES, ANSEL ELGORT, MILES TELLER, JEFF DANIELS, NAOMI WATTS

Miles Teller (The Extraordinary Now), and one of them plays her character’s brother. It takes a few scenes to escape the sense of pseudoincestuous déja-vu.

Back in Chicago, Triss and friends escape and are whisked away to a secret facility in which people appear to be masterminding the entirety of the affair as part of a massive genetic “purifying” project. Uncomfortable references to eugenics aside, the film is an enjoyable affair. On a technical level, it is well paced, its action scenes punchy (even if some of the acting is otherwise lacking), and its special effects created a moving postcard from a post-apocalyptic American landscape that glowed radioactively.

IN A NUTSHELL: A CGI fuelled roller-coaster through an unpleasant future which ultimately lacks narrative punch. If you’re mildly curious, it’s best seen in the cinema for full effect, but beware the ultimately irritating cliff-hanger at the end.

SÍOFRA NÍ SHLUAGHADHÁIN

DIRECTOR: ALICE WINOCOUR STARRING: DIANE KRUGER, MATTHIAS SCHOENAERTS, PAUL HAMY RELEASE DATE: MARCH 25TH

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THE FILM Disorder posits itself as a home invasion thriller but any viewers expecting ninety minutes of suspense will be disappointed. That’s not to say that Disorder isn’t suspenseful; it’s just that its focus is on something other than a lone hero facing off against kidnappers. The film follows Vincent (Matthias Schoenaerts), a PTSD afflicted ex-soldier hired to protect Jessie (Diane Kruger), the wife of a secretive Lebanese arms dealer. Vincent struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder as well as his connections to others.

Alice Winocour’s direction is smooth throughout the film, alternating between crackling build-up, brutal bursts of violence and sublime slo-mo.

Special note must be made of the robust and overt sound design as Vincent experiences hallucinations throughout Disorder ranging from birdsong, to children playing to helicopter rotors. The film’s score,

DISORDER composed by French producer Gesaffelstein, is a nerve-shredding, synth-driven attack on the ears that perfectly captures the nature of Vincent’s condition. Some of the cinematography is done through CCTV cameras leaving the viewer searching the frame for signs of intrusion within the empty, baroque rooms of the mansion. Without the anchor of Schoenaerts however there is little to focus on.

Matthias Schoenaerts is a broody, hulking presence throughout the film often left without an excuse to vent his pent-up frustration on. It is only in the film’s explosions of bone-crunching action that the viewer sees the animal inside the brutish bodyguard. Diane

Kruger is his polar opposite, playing a bored, stressed housewife with little to lose but her young son Ali. She lives in fear of the men seeking to kidnap her and of Vincent whose unpredictability scares her. Both actors employ a great deal of subtlety in different ways.

Disorder is an examination of PTSD and the effect it has on its sufferers and those around them.

IN A NUTSHELL: Disorder’s brand of action cinema acknowledges many of the problems PTSD sufferers go through as well as pointing out the lack of a space for them in today’s modern world.

Would you steal a handbag?

TOP 10 ACTORS WHO SHOULD PLAY BATMAN

THE NEXT STEP IN STREAMING

STREAMING WEBSITES HAVE BECOME INCREASINGLY DOMINANT IN RECENT YEARS. CIARA FORRISTAL LOOKS AT THE LATEST PLATFORM, MOVIESWAP, AND ASKS IF IT CAN ELIMINATE PIRACY CAN YOU remember the last time you bought a DVD? Or better yet, the last DVD you bought? As DVDs become increasingly obsolete in the digital world of streaming services such as Netflix, Amazon Prime and bit torrent piracy sites, a new crowdfunded streaming site MovieSwap is attempting to utilise the hours of unwatched cinematic and television potential gathering dust in your living rooms.

Its premise is simple: users mail their DVDs to the company’s headquarters who will register them on behalf of their owners and store the films in the cloud until the user authorises them to be accessed on any device by a multitude of users. However, unlike traditional streaming sites such as Netflix, which work in direct contact with the entertainment industry in terms of procuring licensing rights, MovieSwap is attempting to sidestep the industry. Is this just the newest twist on the age-old problem of piracy?

MovieSwap CEO Cyril Barthet says that their goal lies in giving people access to what they’ve already paid for. “Our goal is to give the power back to the people by enabling them to digitally watch the films they already own… We don’t want the $200 billion invested by the American people on their DVDs to go up in smoke because the technology is now obsolete.” Living in a culture that prefers consumption to ownership, the service is attempting to bridge the gap between the two, as well as offering the additional features of DVDs, an element that streaming sites like Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime have yet to cater for.

However, the issue of ripping or streaming content off DVDs raises the issue of whether such a service is entirely legal. With the precedent set by the music industry in 2000 when major music labels sued the site MP3.com for permitting its users to stream songs over the Internet after registering their CDs, MovieSwap may indeed have a court case on their hands.

Its founders believe that the service is legal and have based their approach on a combination of two legal concepts: the “first sale doctrine” and “fair use.” The first authorises DVD owners the right to stream their movies any way they deem appropriate, whilst the latter is based on the premise of swapping one DVD for another, which ensures its legality.

The service, however, is still in its beta phase.

Ultimately, how the entertainment industry challenges MovieSwap is dependent on the number of users, traction and attention it garners.

Whilst new services like MovieSwap garner attention, the entertainment industry is continuously monitoring and attempting to decrease the lure and prevalence of pirating sites which have become an integral viewing platform for many online users. Network Chief Content Officer of Netflix, Ted Sarandos argues: “The best way to combat piracy isn’t legislatively or criminally but by giving good options.”

Indeed, research carried out by Netflix shows that bit torrent traffic decreases every time the service is made available in a new location.

According to a survey conducted in Australia, covering the period from March 2015 to May 2015, 43 per cent of users admitted to pirating some form of online content. The results can be attributed to Netflix’s absence in Australia during this time period and a more recent survey has found that since September Netflix has been responsible for a 25 per cent reduction in the number of people pirating content.

Despite these developments, piracy continues to exist due to its free and easy access, especially since Netflix has increased its monthly subscription fee by £1 in the UK and $1.50 in the US. In a survey conducted by Huffington Post and YouGov, the rise in the subscription fee in the U.S. has the potential to cause 20 per cent of those surveyed to cancel their subscription, whilst an increase of $2 could potentially see 50 per cent of their users abandoning the platform altogether. Hulu, similar to the Spotify model, offers a free tier which is supported by adverts. Perhaps if Netflix and Amazon Prime adopted similar models, it might incentivise those currently pirating content to use a more reputable site, as well as encouraging others to pay for ad-free premium accounts.

Moreover, legal streaming sites have to contend with regional differences in their service due to varying costs from licensing companies, which leads to different regions offering different content on their platforms.

This results in incomplete television series, which indirectly force people to pirate the missing episodes before they can proceed to legally stream them. Licensing laws also cause delays between the airing of the series and its procurement by streaming sites, resulting in users turning to pirating sites to consume the latest aired episode in a given series. Given that we live in a world of high consumption and high turnover, it is fair to say that the complete elimination of piracy sites is a far-off dream; but legal streaming sites have indeed, in the words of Netflix’s Ted Sarandos, given us “good options.”

''THE ISSUE OF RIPPING OR STREAMING CONTENT OFF DVDS RAISES THE ISSUE OF WHETHER SUCH A SERVICE IS ENTIRELY LEGAL.''

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

MERYL STREEP

The classic choice to start things off. The woman who can play anything or anyone - be it Margaret Thatcher or a bat-clad vigilante with dead parents.

Her performance would be sure to bag an Oscar alongside sleepless nights for Christian Bale.

GRACE JONES

Jones (cigarette in mouth for the entire duration of the film) would combat villains with ease as Batman. Get rid of all that armour so Batman can be a walking gun show, and have the movie end with the Joker being thrown into the surface of the sun. Additional bonus: Jones could compose the soundtrack.

CHARLES DANCE

Batman has long been a figure of fear, as well as hope. Dance’s cold, sharp drawl will bring terror to the streets of Gotham. Menacing Thespian Batman does not brood, instead he glares down at the streets whilst drinking scotch from a skull.

50 CENT Who better to play Batman than a guy who was shot nine times and is

still with us declaring bankruptcy to this very day? Put some more chrome on the Batmobile, and rotate the members of the G-Unit as Robin, and you got yourself a box-office smash.

LIAM NEESON Bruce Wayne is a man with many skeletons in his closet.

Sounds like a job for Big Liam. Sorrowful and Haggard Irish Batman will clean up the streets one way or another, but whatever you do, just don’t ask about his dead parents, OK?

PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN Not even his own

unfortunate passing can stop Seymour Hoffman from chewing the scenery as Batman. Cut out all that morality and brooding nonsense and just have Hoffman unleash 20 minute drunken monologues ending with him screaming at people on the phone like in Punch-Drunk Love.

RONDA ROUSEY It’s commonly known that Batman doesn’t use

weapons, but what if his weapon was to beat the holy hell out of people? The movie would only be about fifteen minutes long, as Former UFC Champion Batman chokes out the Joker before the end of the first act.

BENICIO DEL TORO

If Christopher Nolan saw del Toro’s performance in last year’s Sicario, he would immediately send word to his new Batman. Incredibly Disturbing Batman would growl menacingly in your direction, and he’d probably start murdering people with a pistol.

IDRIS ELBA

He may not ever get the chance to play James Bond, but Elba could set box-office records as the Batman. Get you a (Bat)man who can do both: suave and sophisticated businessman Bruce Wayne, alongside gruff Unshaven London Geezer Batman who insists on constantly wearing a long tweed coat for no reason.

CATE BLANCHETT Cate Blanchett would bring some much needed grace

into the cultured high-class life of Bruce Wayne. In between all that, Batman could get way into cross-fit as well as Jiu-Jitsu and learn how to kick people into oblivion, which is a talent Blanchett already possesses.

WORDS: MARTIN HEALY

13

The Garden of Eden It was the year that the world nearly ended thanks to small men with big weapons, and the one in which I had won the competition to write a scene for the school play. Mother had decided she no longer wanted to holiday in Cuba the following July. That was also the summer that apple pie had betrayed me, a poisonous mouthful of earthshattering realisation that turned to bitterness between my lips.

I lived in a perfect little house, east of the river: the good part of town. Everything was bright, vying for attention. The grass rarely lost its elasticity, its robustness, its greenness. Winter would come and go, blanketing the ground in an incomprehensible blanket of dullness, with a cold touch so aggressive we were certain this was the year; the grass was suffocated. Dead. But once spring was upon us, it would penetrate the oppression and emerge, stronger than the last year with a revolutionary sneer. Picket fences stretched the length of the circumference, with stiff little gates that refused to open. Apple trees grew, but refused to bear fruit; we merely pretended, stuffing the grocery bags furtively into crevices and making an elaborate show of the naturalness of them as we dissected their artificial centres.

We were only lying to ourselves.

My uncle was a cruel man. He had once been in the army, seen things he shouldn’t have seen, and now acted in a way he shouldn’t act. His life was dictated by order and propriety, and his calculated actions were as certain as the orbit of the earth. But he abandoned the military to enter the business world. What kind of business? That didn’t matter. The town lapped up the bravado of his image, fed on the authority of his presence, on the richness of his tailored suits. He always made a big show of leaving for business trips, loudly announcing his imminent approach into the ‘big city’.

Neighbours would watch, failing to conceal their suitably impressed expressions as they peered keenly out of their net curtains to watch him pull away in his chauffeured car. Fortunately, he was often away.

He returned just enough to assert his authority, and to remind us that it wasn’t our house. To remind Mummy that she was hanging precariously on the good will of her brother.

It was my first day of a new school in a strange and alien place. I had been forced to change schools, so that I could attend a prestigious academy of my uncle’s choosing. I was terrified, and I had right to be. Tentatively sitting upon the mahogany furniture, I spooned mouthfuls of oatmeal between

14

the quivers of my lips. Visions of punishment and injustice shattered instilled a dreaded fear in me. Uncle only heightened my panic, firing complex sums at me incessantly as I attempted to compose myself and soften the anxiety clutching at my chest.

Numbers danced and destructed in my mind, almost blinding, choking me. I needed to get out.

All that was discernible was a faint, buzzing noise. It drowned out Uncle’s words until his mouth merely opened and closed soundlessly. But as I turned on my heel to run, my elbow caught on the tablecloth. The vintage china dishes that had been nestled on top had become unsettled.

The crash was ear-piercing. In a moment, my trance was broken; I was pulled right back to reality.

Mummy gasped, I gasped. Uncle didn’t say a word, for a while at least. He merely surveyed me with those black eyes, eyes pent up with years of brewing hatred and contempt. I braced myself for a torrent of abuse. Dug my nails into my arm, hard. Held a sharp intake of breath. He moved, but not in my direction. In two large strides he was by Mummy’s side, and had a vice grip on her arm. Learn to control your child Elspeth, he hissed through clenched teeth, you will discipline her or you will force me to discipline you. I watched, transfixed, as her skin turned a putrid shade of yellow. And then in one fluid movement, he released her arm and exited the room.

We stood in stunned silence for a moment. I attempted to make my way over to her, to console her, but she recoiled in defiance. I begged her to look at me, Mummy please, I cried as I choked back fat tears. No, she protested, leave and get out of my sight. And with one lasting look of contempt that burned through my soul, she ran after Uncle.

Like a train gathering speed on a downward slope, the events of that day were replicated and intensified in a peculiar chain reaction.

With each scathing comment and slammed fist, I retreated more and more into a cocoon of safety.

It was strange. The girl who had once shuddered at the mundanity of order now lived her life by it.

Every morning I would take her satchel: a beautiful, cream satchel, and reassemble the contents like a perpetually incomplete jigsaw.

I would take out my pens, my eraser, my lunch, and line them up.

Moments after putting them back, the anxiety would start again. A creeping greyness that clawed at my chest; it infected my mind like a parasite. Relentlessly consuming her every thought, it subsided instantly as I plunged my hand into the dark precipice to start the

process again. I was a fool, controlled by the vicious circle of inexplicable pleasure. And I no longer knew who she was.

I came home from school, one spectacularly average day, to see a gift box sitting unassumingly on the kitchen table. Uncle was sat in the corner on his favourite rocking chair, looking uncharacteristically cheerful.

He pointed at it. Encouraged me to look.

With a mighty tug, out came the biggest monstrosity, the most offending sight I had ever laid eyes on: a crude doll with a lopsided grin and buttons for eyes. But it was like it had been created the wrong side up. Why did it keep falling over?

I tried balancing, cajoling, wrestling with gravity. Mother clapped her hands with glee, telling Uncle that he shouldn’t have done and oh my, wasn’t I spoilt?

But Uncle looked straight through her, his eyes focused on an object in the distance: me. A barely concealed sneer sat squarely on his lips, his cheeks flushed with excitement. And then realisation struck. He watched me every day, attempting to arrange my surrogate family of stuffed animals into a clean line. He watched me desperately trying to impose order upon them. Stiff backs and absent eyes. This mutant would ruin everything. It was like those cruel joke candles that you can’t blow out, that laugh at your incompetence.

Summer was at its height, warmth and closeness filling every inch of air, leaving only a sheen of anticipation in its wake. Rain had abandoned us. Thirty two days later and the hosepipe ban had been imposed. Next door were re-filling their pool, ignoring the insolent looks and glances being cast their way. I sat astride the old oak tree, bare legs and naked feet, humidity catching in my chest: I felt alive. The house was still and quiet. Uncle had been gone for days on business, and it had become as if he had never existed, merely a distant figment of our imagination. Mother had ceased to be

so riddled with anxiety and was almost back to her old self. Her hair, usually relentlessly pinned and pulled back in a severe bun, now hung freely over her shoulders. A light humming emerged from the kitchen window that was ajar, as she pranced about the kitchen in a delirious summer haze. She was baking again. Strong infusions of citrus filled the air; the apple tree had borne fruit! I had looked outside my bedroom window that morning to find big, juicy and unassuming spheres of happiness nestled on the branches. Running down the stairs, taking two steps at a time, my curiosity had proved satisfied; they were real both in image and in touch. Life had returned to the town.

I abandoned my haven only out of necessity, so I could fetch some water from the fridge. Sitting there, next to the orange juice and the eggs, was the most splendid apple pie I had ever laid my eyes on. The home-baked golden crust combined with our fresh apples was almost sinfully enticing. I had to have it. To begin with, it was just a taste – a crumb, here or there. Then, the teaspoon appeared. I skilfully cut unnoticeable segments from the outside; levelling it off to make sure it was even. But then with caution completely disregarded, I took a huge fork and attacked it. Decimated it with every stroke.

My ears pricked up at the sound of male voices penetrating the steady hum of the summer air. I perched on the stairs by my bedroom, peering through the banister. Surveying the room usually used for entertaining, my heart plummeted instantaneously as I recognised Uncle’s stature, the heavy foot of his gait. He was not alone.

He had been joined by a pretentious looking couple. The woman was draped in fur and pearls, dripping from her like sweet, sticky toffee. They were talking business, using a lot of fancy words that I couldn’t grasp, words that they didn’t seem to understand either.

She laughed too much; a high-pitched,

ostentatious cackle that unnecessarily made a big deal of itself.

And then it was almost the end of the night, I think. Uncle was boasting again. The couple sat far forward on their chairs, leaning in close, lapping up his words. Uncle stood up abruptly, raising his glass for a toast. He spoke of having had a splendid night with wonderful people, and that dessert was homemade apple pie as he was aware that it was Sylvia’s favourite. He winked at her; she blushed. Mother emerged from the kitchen, quite on cue, with a dismayed expression cast over her face. Lying there were the remnants of a pie that I had destroyed.

Only a bare crust remained, with a mere scattering of crumbs. Everyone else looked confused, but Uncle was incensed. Not to worry, the lady giggled, another glass of champagne should suffice. She was quite giddy when she left and she had to be helped over the threshold. But any light-heartedness died with her departure.

I sat there on the stairs, frozen into position. Eyes down, I started counting the number of patterned swirls on the carpet. Once I had finished, I started the whole process again. The darkness of the night seemed to shield me, but I’m sure that the moonlight gave my position away. Yes, he saw me. His eyes bore into mine. But the banister acted as a boundary, a barrier that he couldn’t cross. Instead, I looked on like a cruel spectator at a bullfight as he mauled my Mother as punishment for my indiscretions. Her white apron was no longer white. Someone had spilt red wine. I was screaming. She was quiet.

Everything turned silent.

That was the year that one little girl learned that war didn’t only unfold on a battlefield. The year that she learned about internal conflict.

The year that she saw that blood was thicker than cotton. The year that came to define her. The year that she spent the rest of her life running away from. The year she could never outrun. It was only a year. But it was a lifetime, too.

POETRY

Not Asking For It

Stick your tongue Down my throat Because you want me: I’m not asking.

Grab my ass From behind Because you like it: I’m not asking.

Whistle at me In the street Because I’m pretty: I’m not asking.

Post my photo On a wall Because I fucked you: I’m not asking.

Press me backwards Down an alley “She never said no”: I’m not asking.

Blame me later In the courtroom For my short skirt: I’m not asking.

Fuck your standards And your culture Makes men monsters: I’m not asking.

Change the meanings Enforce sanctions On the bastards: I’m Not Asking.

Gráinne Ní Nualláin

Is Silence Unreasonable?

Hold her in your arms And kiss away the silence Not tears Her eyes have only held things that are still, steady, concealable Kiss her and ask about her eyes why they are a river That has drawn its beds together and shut its waters beneath the earth Nothing will flow Ask her if she is empty Ask her who has stolen her harvest Ask her about her about her lips Why she values peace over the promise of ‘a problem shared is half solved’ So as to not be held in contempt So as to not tempt her father to call her a fool Unreasonable for

Eirebrushed Our history So cherished In these, our hallowed halls They hang the portraits proudly “Pearse answered Ireland’s calls” We stood amongst the rubble We fought We fell We cried But only empty silence When forgotten, we lie.

CONNECTED

It’s strange that antique books smell odd

Wild spirits of old

but fitting,

witness the ticking task

Vanilla paper throbs

Where ignorance hobbles

between the covers,

pinched in high hope shoe,

Extinct, extant as one

What I don’t know, bites

sit for the sitting,

hard and slays my mask

Left waiting in the

Dismantling truths my

sheets like hopeful

opinion thought I knew.

lovers,

The human sorrow infects

Full-blooded mistakes

The photographs are tainted my sense of ease, O’Farrell in her grave One look, one search, Tosses, turns amongst challenges the beaten track, The shadowed ghosts of our A minute to dawn, acclaim, The voices they’ve unhurried like cottaging forgotten The roles that we cheese had played Theatres to Shake me; wake me, there celebrate And not a single is no turning back. name, Can share what we holding the tongue had given Then stringing her And they will speak tragic bones above the no truth mantel piece The power of the And not taking them woman down when the visitors You cannot were let in overlook.

are ally now, not foe, I learn how to learn and then I know how to know

Christine Fitzpatrick

Ask her why she We will not go back breaks her mother’s there heart We will not give in With minced words The Easter Rising and hefty silences changed us too The unbalanced diet We fell to rise of her half loved self again, Let no name be The inconceivable forgotten frequency of Let no call go Christmas mornings unheard Holy gifts unwrapped A true republic by flawed hands listens Ask her how many To each citizen’s men have untied her word, Without thought to And when the offer price cacophony Ask her to sing you Begins to rise her well sung lullaby again We stand before you proudly [Am I priceless or Ireland’s ‘Cumann am I worthless?] na mBan’.

Ask if there are things from her heart that can be held Full in the hand Without the pain of evisceration And she will tell you.

Nothing.

Gráinne Ní Nualláin

Chiamaka EnyiAmadi

15

DOCUMENTING THE FEMINISTS

Words by Eva Griffin Photos by Them’s The Breaks

16

WITH #FEMGEN AND #WAKINGTHEFEMINISTS TAKING OVER, EVA GRIFFIN SITS DOWN WITH SARAH BARR AND SARAH CORCORAN, THE PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR BEHIND AN UPCOMING DOCUMENTARY EXAMINING INEQUALITY IN THE ARTS CALLED THEM’S THE BREAKS TO MARK this year’s International Women’s Day, the National Women’s Council of Ireland invited newly elected female TDs to gather at their Celebrate the Changemakers event. Bringing a mid-morning buzz to the foyer of the Irish Film Institute, the floor was taken over by the harbingers of #FemGen; the women who have already changed our country with their recordbreaking make-up of the 32nd Dáil. Seated metres away from this contagiously positive conglomerate are Sarah Barr and Sarah Corcoran – two more hopefuls in the fight for a feminist future.

As recent graduates from DCU’s Film & Television MA program, both women are making their first foray into feature-length film with a hefty project: tackling inequality in the arts. Inspired by the constantly raging battle for gender equality and following in the footsteps of the Waking The Feminists movement, Barr and Corcoran are helming an upcoming documentary called Them’s The Breaks. The phrase may ring a bell as it was infamously (and inadvisably) used by the Director of the Abbey Theatre, Fiach Mac Conghaill to explain away the lack of diversity in the theatre’s Waking The Nation centenary programme.

On the choice of such a provocative quote as the documentary’s title, Barr says: “We thought that quote captured the feeling of the moment. That’s what got everyone riled up.”

Indeed, our national theatre’s programme includes only one play written by a woman and three female directed plays out of a line-up of ten. But when faced with the feminist fire, Mac Conghaill’s response did little to put it out. “It was a lack of seeing it from the other side or understanding that the problem isn’t necessarily that there’s no plays from women being created, it’s that they’re being overlooked,” Barr explains. “That quote really showed how people don’t see themselves as part of the problem, they see it as the way things are and that’s not true. We are all responsible for making sure that people’s voices are heard and that there’s equality across the board.”

It’s only fitting that a matter so bound up in the artistic world should be tackled by artistic means. Barr is bringing experience in theatre production, acting and a BA in English & Drama from our very own UCD to her role as producer, while Corcoran has hands-on directorial experience with short films and various assistant jobs. Also on board are writer Stephen Elliot and producer Aoife Kelly who previously worked on The Queen of Ireland. When the time came to find an idea for a project, a search wasn’t really necessary: “We knew we wanted to do something socially engaged and it was just a case of really good timing,” Barr says.

With interviewees such as Belinda McKeon and Una Mullally taking part, the documentary looks set to give invaluable insight into the subjugation of women working in the arts. “Luckily it’s an issue that people are passionate about and women especially in the arts want to speak out about it, they’re so willing to talk to us… Everyone’s been willing to talk to us apart from Fiach...” Barr says before trailing off into nervous laughter.

“We tried,” Corcoran says. “We chatted to him the other day, we ambushed him saying ‘hey, we tried to get an interview and it didn’t happen, do you maybe want to reconsider?’ He gave us his number so the communication lines are open now and we’re optimistic. We’re not trying to make anyone look like the bad guy because it’s not Fiach – it’s a societal problem.”

Barr agrees that Fiach is potentially an unwitting victim in social conditioning to automatically think of Irish theatre as inherently male-written and produced.

But with his mistakes pointed out to him again and again, do the pair think that the Abbey have done enough damage control? “They have responded well in so far as they’re facilitating debates. There isn’t a lot that they can do immediately I don’t think because there’s so much work that has gone into programming Waking The Nation that they can’t just scrap it and go again,” Corcoran muses. “We talked to a few playwrights who said that there could have been several logistical factors, but it was just Fiach’s apathy versus everyone’s passion that was so frustrating.

Overall I think The Abbey is listening and I think people in general are listening. People are still hashtagging #WakingTheFeminists every single day, there’s new content every single day.”

This continuous outpouring of both frustration and support is promising, and Barr sees possibility in this momentum to force other industries to consider change: “It’s still such a slow process. It’s starting in the arts which is great but it’s going to take some real time for it to move into other industries. Journalism is coming into it as well as Una Mullally said during her talk at FemPower a few weeks ago. I think in the more artistic areas it seems more OK to talk about those issues.”

Corcoran sees potential for this feminist overhaul as well, particularly when looking around the bustling IFI café. “I think there’s a lot of progress in politics as well – even being surrounded by these female TDs here today and the fact that there is such a big deal being made out of it. I mean it’s great but it’s just so sad that there has to be, it should just be commonplace, like of course there’s female TDs, of course there’s going to be a split share, because 50 per cent of the population are women.”

Unfortunately, despite any positive reception to a slight increase in representation, a distinctly feminist future requires serious time and effort to cultivate. The one necessary ingredient, Barr says, is bravery. “It just takes time for people to be like, ‘you know this actually shouldn’t be the norm’. It takes people to be kind of brave and do what Lian Bell did and what those women did back in November, standing up and saying ‘this isn’t okay’. Just because we’ve come this far doesn’t mean we’re equal. It seems like we’re equal but we’re not really.”

One of the distinctive features of this year’s General

Election was the new requirement for the major political parties that 30 per cent of their candidates be female.

While the long term effect of quotas are up for debate, perhaps without that requirement not all of the TDs gathered in the IFI would have cause for celebration.

However, on the potential of gender quotas moving from politics into the arts, Barr is somewhat sceptical. “If it was some kind of temporary measure that was brought in and then just became commonplace I could see how that would work but I don’t know if it’s inspiring the right attitude. I think that people will think ‘oh she’s only there because there’s a quota in place’, or ‘oh she’s the token female’… At the same time, maybe it is the only way that this can happen a bit more quickly because it could be a long process otherwise.”

Corcoran suggests that quotas could even be useful in eradicating the confidence issue that hinders women from applying to certain college courses. During her MA, she noticed that her classmates were mostly male, and wonders if more could be done to promote female inclusion in the arts from how our third level institutions are structured: “Women have been told ‘that’s not for you’, that it’s a male industry and I suppose that spreads across many industries. You’re told that there’s your place and then you just aim for that. If quotas were brought into courses, that there had to be a certain amount of women and men maybe that would work.”

Perhaps gender shouldn’t even come into the equation. Perhaps someone judging the merit of writing shouldn’t have the chance to let unconscious bias project some form of gendered discrimination onto a piece of art. “I think submissions should be genderless,” Barr agrees. “I think if you’re submitting something to The Abbey maybe your name shouldn’t be on it – just initials and then your contact details, that’s it. If you’re just looking at it with no context, you’re just letting the work speak for itself.”

One of the key complaints against a lack of diversity in the Abbey’s 2016 programme is that it prevents equal access to storytelling by perpetuating the ideal of Irish theatre as an established male playwright. This, Barr says, goes directly against feminist values. “[Feminism] is being really aware of making sure that you’re doing your best to be as inclusive as possible and give people who mightn’t have a huge name behind them the opportunity to prove themselves as well. Somewhere like The Abbey has all the resources to do that: they have the best set designers, the best directors and people like that who can assist and mentor. I just think if anyone should be doing it and giving new writers out of college the chance it should be The Abbey.”

For Corcoran, the problem inherent in the Irish arts industry is as easily distilled as our nation’s literary canon. “The only story that’s being told is of the white, middle-class male. That’s it. You’re either Roddy Doyle or Beckett – there’s no in between.” Barr agrees,

pointing out that there simply isn’t the same large scale representation available to women. “You’ve got no greats. You’ve got no big female plays like the way you’d have The Plough and The Stars.”

This historical erasure of women as artists as opposed to muses has hindered the evolution of a truly female art known and loved by the mainstream institutions in the same way someone like Seán O’Casey has always been.

Barr thinks that an overwhelming maleness of the Irish artistic voice has caused women to be systematically overlooked. “I think the problem as well is that we’re so used to hearing the male voice – that’s the male vernacular, that’s the male way of telling stories – there’s no language for women. We grew up reading Joyce and Beckett who are incredible writers but that may not necessarily be the way that women tell their stories. I think women need to find a voice entirely.”

The quest for a woman’s voice will hopefully be undertaken and progressed by Them’s The Breaks. In challenging not only the Abbey’s role as our national theatre, but the ongoing struggle for equal opportunities and representation in the arts industry as a whole, perhaps a path will be paved for burgeoning artists. As up and comers themselves, Barr and Corcoran’s team are crowdfunding the documentary through FundIt – whereby generous supporters can pledge money in return for rewards. Terrifying is the prospect that their goal of €10,000 is not met by their deadline of April 7th, in which case any money pledged will not be donated to the cause. However, Corcoran refuses to even entertain that notion: “It’s not even worth actually saying ‘what if’, because if that happens we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it but for now... we’re going to reach the target.”

Such conviction is not due to naivety, but a sense of duty to tell a story that is so rarely told. What began as a potential short film has developed into a feature-length project despite the expenses incurred in search of deserved answers. As Corcoran explains: “It felt like we had taken on a responsibility to really take this story and do it justice because it is a really important time for Ireland and for women in general. When we started filming we just thought ‘this is going to be really big.’”

With a second Waking The Feminists meeting held on International Women’s Day and a constant influx of inspiring think-pieces and inspired tweets, the movement is one that will not lose traction. For Barr and Corcoran, they plan to follow in the footsteps of Bell et al., by complementing their commitment of one year to the cause. “I think a year is a good timeline,” Barr says.

“That doesn’t mean it won’t go on longer, we don’t know because there’s no ending to the story yet; the story is ongoing, it’s unfolding every day.”

The FundIt page for Them’s The Breaks can be found here: http://fundit.ie/project/thems-the-breaks

''THE ONLY STORY THAT'S BEING TOLD IS OF THE WHITE, MIDDLECLASS MALE. THAT'S IT. YOU'RE EITHER RODDY DOYLE OR BECKETT THERE'S NO IN BETWEEN.''

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ENGLISH ROCK GROUP WOLF ALICE SIT DOWN WITH AISLING KRAUS TO TALK ABOUT GAINING RECOGNITION, SEXIST COMPARISONS AND PLAYING ON CONAN O’BRIEN WOLF ALICE narrowly missed Dublin’s bizarre March snow while they paid Belfast’s Mandela Hall a visit to kick off their European tour. The following morning, on arrival in the capital in advance of their performance at the Olympia Theatre, they are welcomed with beaming blue skies. Maybe their sunny, indie rock, sonic delights are a lucky charm. Regardless, the faces of singer and guitarist Ellie Rowsell and bassist Theo Ellis shine even indoors, speckled with the glittery remnants of the previous night’s gig.

Adorning cheekbones and stage backdrop alike, glitter features rather prominently at the London four-piece’s live show – a live show that won them “Best Live Band” at the 2016 NME Awards. Rowsell says of award ceremonies: “It depends what you put into it. If you go there with an attitude of ‘let’s have some fun and maybe win an award’, then you have fun — if you go there being like, ‘can’t wait to win this award!’ and then you lose it…” she trails off, not feeling the need to further her explanation. Regarding the NME awards in particular, Ellis adds: “there’s a really good vibe at that thing, for some reason. I think it’s because there’s quite a lot of bands that have seen each other, maybe at festivals or that kind of thing.”

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Not only are Wolf Alice award-winning the deodorant - they all smell the same sonic sense, but also in themes. The live performers, they are also hugely but a bit different.” band themselves have stated that enthusiastic about attending concerts, The pair seems reluctant to use a genre they see it as a collection of songs as big and small. Surely the quartet’s label in describing these bands. A trend opposed to a fluid, standalone piece passion for experiencing live music as has appeared recently of current artists of work. “Personally,” Rowsell muses, audience members contributes to their rejecting the concept of musical genre, “I admire people who can do concept expertise in putting on a captivating with popular acts such as Halsey speaking albums or… make a plan and stick to it, show. Ellis references the great diversity out about the restrictive impact it may but I always think the best things are of performance styles that impact on him have. As a band with an extremely diverse the ones that are really natural and a personally, saying “I really admire Drenge stylistic palette, Wolf Alice’s discography product of your thoughts at that time, in terms of their live show… You’ve got two to date ranges from delicate, acoustic, without over-complicating it and even people who’ve got Loveless as a surname, folk-inflected tracks such as ‘Turn to Dust’ defining it too much. I think that’s why they’re pretty much born to be really cool. to fully formed rock head-bangers like people’s debut albums are often their I really admire The 1975’s attitude towards ‘You’re a Germ’. Rather understandably best, because they don’t overthink production and putting on a show… the in light of this, the group have expressed things too much.” way that they have this drone noise at the some distaste at having certain genre Yet another thing that comes beginning.” Rowsell agrees: “The effort and labels assigned to their music in the past, along with being part of an act with thought that goes into some of those things in spite of understanding why people such a varied sound is the myriad is like the opposite of comparisons to to some other '' I ALWAYS ADMIRE IT WHEN PEOPLE DRAW A other bands that will bands that we really inevitably be drawn COMPARISON THAT IS NON-GENDER BASED.'' appreciate.” by music critics and As well as this, journalists. Wolf Wolf Alice spend a great deal of time would. “I guess it kind of pigeonholes Alice have earned some flattering, with other musicians. What draws them you a bit and then it can be difficult to if slightly inaccurate comparisons to other bands as groups of people? “I step outside the box,” explains Rowsell, (Kings of Leon), some slightly baffling think a similar attitude,” explains Rowsell, “but it’s just a natural way of describing (The xx) and some downright lazy, “not necessarily genre or songwriting or something. How else are you going to verging on sexist (Hole, Elastica). Ellis anything. Anyone else who has a similar describe it? You’re not going to be like ‘the is outspoken on the latter, stating: “I attitude, like ‘[we] can’t believe we’re guitars are really twinkly’… It’s not helpful always admire it when people draw doing this, let’s really enjoy ourselves sometimes.” a comparison that is non-gender and put in some hard work.’ But I guess Wolf Alice’s critically acclaimed and based, and will still be a male-fronted they’re all kind of indie.” “It’s all got a bass NME award-nominated debut album My band but with a similar atmosphere. template,” Ellis elaborates, “it’s like Lynx, Love Is Cool is diverse not only in the That’s where people are distinguishing

themselves as journalists.” “You can say ‘your voice sounds like Harriet Wheeler from The Sundays,’” Roswell adds, “but not ‘your music sounds like Hole’… does it really? Just because we play guitars and have a female vocalist?”

For newly award-winning musicians who have hardly stopped to catch their breath in the past year, Rowsell and Ellis are refreshingly humble and down-to-earth, and appear to be savouring every single reward of their hard-earned success, and are having as much fun as possible along the way.

“My favourite day, I think of my whole life, was a show we did in America, the Conan O’Brien show,” Ellis recalls. “It was around when the album was coming out and we’d just got some of the reviews, which were really good, and we were in LA after doing that and we had a New York show, and Glastonbury was that week. That day in particular, we went to a Korean barbecue karaoke bar at about seven in the morning.” This beautifully encapsulates the mindset of the band and the intensity of the year they’ve had.

With a six month-long tour spanning both sides of the Atlantic (and including a stop at Electric Picnic) ahead of them, Wolf Alice don’t look set to slow down anytime soon.

My Love Is Cool is out now.

FRANKIE COSMOS

BLACK MOUNTAINS

NEXT THING

IV

FROM bedroom rocker Ingrid Superstar to her current incarnation as Frankie Cosmos, Greta Kline is a champion of the DIY approach. The offspring of a Hollywood pair and now at the ripe age of 22, Kline’s rugged musical charms seem like an extended teenage rebellion. Since 2011 she has churned out around 40 releases under both pseudonyms, delivering inspired one minute wonders.

From laidback bass to the surprisingly silky synth of last year’s EP Fit Me In, Kline’s style has the simplicity of a one take hit and the complexity of a laboured poem. Bandcamp has long been the domain of her independent releases, with 2014’s first full length album, Zentropy, perfectly encapsulating the simple yet sad poetics of Frankie Cosmos in a succinct 20 minutes.

On her second LP, Next Thing, Kline’s music again harkens back to the bard’s tradition of poetry set to music, with her lyrics flitting between mundane observations – “I’m sorry, I’m high, let’s go” and measured self-reflection – “I don’t know what I’m cut out for.” While many of her lyrics often seem cutesy and innocuous at first, repeated listens reveal an inclination for both confessional tones and whimsy witticisms: “I watch David Blaine/Find myself believing/In anything”.

Though lo-fi snippets of guitar-led indie pop are her calling card, Kline injects a hit of sugary synth to ‘I’m 20’, aptly complementing the trail of ‘oohs’ ending her musing on aging. The lazy seduction of Kline’s falsetto on ‘Too Dark’ becomes childish on ‘Interlude’ and exasperated on ‘What If’. ‘On The Lips’ once again uses that sensitive falsetto to tug at something hitherto unfound in your heartstrings, with a refrain of “If I could kiss ya” eliciting an abstract sadness that seems an inevitable side-effect of exposure to Frankie Cosmos.

Surprisingly, the album ends on a hymnal tone, as the final track ‘O Dreaded C Town’ drifts along an apathetic sounding keyboard that wouldn’t sound out of place in church. Though the album title begs the question of what’s next for Frankie’s universe, Kline ends things with an ambiguous flair: “I don’t know or care to know/I don’t care or know to care”.

IN A NUTSHELL: A more polished affair than her previous Superstar persona, the addition of a backing band hasn’t damaged the beloved indie simplicity of Frankie Cosmos.

FOUR albums into their musical journey, and six years since their last studio release, Canada natives Black Mountain seem to have found their place in the world. The radio silence from the band seems to have been a period of musical reflection and consolidation.

Stylistically, IV hosts a mixed bag of influences, as it moves seamlessly from the almost holy atmosphere of the opening track ‘Mothers of the Sun’, to crowd pleasing rock numbers such as ‘Florian Saucer Attack’, which sounds like a throwback to classic 1990s grunge.

In taking the risk of collecting this wide variety of sounds in the same album, IV pays off in many aspects. The ethereal voice of vocalist Amber Webber gives the music a unique edge, adding a surprising layer of magical quality to many of the tracks on this album. The synth-laden power of many of these tracks marries the grunge influences with a space-age feel.

As is the case with many experiments, however, not all of these innovations work out – perhaps the album’s chief weakness, and one which could certainly present a drawback to some, is its sheer scale. With many songs that top the five minute mark, and with some tracks, such as the mammoth ‘Space to Bakersfield’ clocking in closer to ten, it is a daunting journey to undertake.

It could be argued that IV is an album from a band who have matured beyond the point of playing the commercial radio game. Although they do acknowledge their popular influences, it is very much their own sound. However, for the newcomer, IV can certainly feel daunting, and perhaps like an album made for the fans.

IN A NUTSHELL: A fantastic odyssey of sound, but be warned – this is one album that will require an afternoon to digest.

Síofra Ní Shluaghadháin

ZAYN

WHITE DENIM

MIND OF MINE

STIFF

ZAYN MALIK will always be associated with One Direction. Considering the ubiquity of not only their songs but their individual names, it is inevitable, and everything from the talk of sex in interviews to the stadium rock-R&B of first single ‘Pillowtalk’, has been a blatant bid at reinvention on Malik’s part.

Filled with sweary lyrics and a sky-scraping chorus about bedroom antics, the track felt heavy-handed upon release but in context is a necessarily extreme concentration of everything Malik is trying to achieve with this album. Namely, to finally make the music he’s wanted to make for so long. Listen and you will pick up on a passion and intensity which almost acts as another sonic texture simmering deep in the mix. Welcome to the mind of Zayn.

Every song is lushly-produced with misty atmospherics floating over nastily funky beats by frequent Frank Ocean collaborator Malay. Many occasions on this album prove that Malik’s was the most expressive voice in his former band. It’s frequently beguiling how much he can do with so little; his mellow tone, restrained but never dull, displays versatility. The harmonies on tracks such as ‘Bordersz’ and current single ‘BeFoUr’ are simply gorgeous in their 90s glory, while the lovelorn croon of ‘Flower’, sung in Urdu, is odd and affecting.

The second half of the album gets slightly lost in its endless somber atmospherics, but unlike the Weeknd, Malik’s commitment to the pursuit of lust and hedonism feels genuine. Forgoing shrieking woe-is-me sentiment for directness, it’s obvious that Malik was excited to experiment after five years of pandering to radio friendly commerciality.

On Mind Of Mine, Malik, like Bieber before him, displays an assuredness that reaps the rewards of focusing his sound and being true to his own taste. 2016 is the year that people will admit their love for former tween heartthrobs, and when the results are this good, why not?

IN A NUTSHELL: This sensual, assured debut couldn’t feel further removed from the stadium-pop of One Direction and, unlike that band’s material, is a rewardingly rich and lushly-produced experience.

A FOUR piece virtuoso band hailing from Austin, White Denim have been refining and improving their music constantly throughout their 11 year lifespan.

While there has never been any question of the band’s musical prowess, previous releases have sometimes offered passages of song writing lacking in any real distinct character. Fortunately for listeners current and prospective, Stiff offers some massive improvements across the board.

The first thing to take hold is a real sense of raw energy throughout the album. At only 35 minutes in length, the entire project sounds like it hasn’t time to lose. Opening track ‘Had to know (Personal)’ is all action from the outset. There’s an echo of Muscle Shoals from frontman James Petralli in his vocal delivery as it sits atop layers of distorted guitar sounds and a tight drum rhythm. All that combined with an instantly catchy hook makes for quite the opening statement to White Denim’s latest offering.

The album’s sound shifts and evolves constantly.

Every other song brings a new sound or mood to the fore. These range from the psychedelic in ‘There’s a Brain In My Head’ to the more RnB infused number, ‘(I’m the One) Big Big Fun’, with healthy moments of Southern Rock strewn in between the two. Every song is concise enough to command your attention throughout, yet long enough to be individually remarkable.

At times throughout the album, it seems as if there’s a formula at work that truly succeeds, though it should be said that the album could have been made even better with some less polished accompaniment. Improvisation can lead to some beautiful musical moments and there is definitely more space for spontaneity in parts of Stiff. However, what remains is a superbly crafted album full of excellent songs and a distinctive rock sound. A rare enough thing in the modern sonic landscape.

IN A NUTSHELL: A distinctly energetic rock album with plenty of bang for buck.

Luke Sharkey

Adam Lawler

Eva Griffin

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GIG GUIDE

RADAR: OH JOY

AISLING KRAUS GIVES THE LOWDOWN ON THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DUBLIN GIG SCENE IN THE COMING WEEKS

OLLIE MOYLES, FRONTMAN OF DUBLIN’S OH JOY, TALKS TO HARRY Ó CLÉIRIGH ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF HONESTY AND INTEGRITY, RECORDING LIVE AND THEIR UPCOMING EP, JOY FOR ALL

LUCIUS

OVERHEAD, THE ALBATROSS Lucius / The Academy / Tuesday 5th April American indie-pop five-piece Lucius was born out of the friendship of Berklee College of Music classmates Jess Wolfe and Holly Laessig, who began singing together while still at university. Picking up two guitarists and a drummer to fill out the lineup after moving in together in Brooklyn, the pair, sporting matching haircuts and matching onstage attire, took up the roles of frontwomen, sharing lead vocals. The results formed dreamy, folkish debut album Wildewoman, released in 2013 and not out of place next to the work of bands like The Paper Kites, and 2016’s polished, poppier follow-up, Good Grief.

Extensive touring as headliners and as an opening act for rock god Jack White have garnered Lucius exuberant praise from audiences and critics alike for their dynamic, energetic live presence.

This is the Kit / Upstairs at Whelans / Friday 8th April Based between Bristol and Paris, singer-songwriter and guitarist Kate Stables, records and performs thoughtful, acoustic music under the nom de musique This is the Kit. Having released three full-length LPs since 2008 and earning the support and praise of music journalists, critics, BBC DJs and most notably of Elbow frontman Guy Harvey, it’s a surprise to many that Stables has managed to remain relatively under the radar. This is the Kit’s star has been significantly on the rise, however, since 2015 saw the release of Bashed Out, her third and best-received album to date. Touring and performing frequently in various permutations between a duo and a quintet and as a

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support act for several acts including The National has given This is the Kit the experience necessary to put on a very special live show.

Wolfmother / Olympia Theatre / Friday 8th April Led by frontman Andrew Stockdale, Wolfmother came blasting out of Sydney in 2006 with their explosive self-titled debut, heavily laden with noisy riffs, fuzzy distortion and vocals indebted to Led Zeppelin’s Robert Plant. A generous handful of TV, film and video game placements, intensive touring including many festival appearances and later, albums Cosmic Egg and New Crown gained the curly mop-headed group a moshing, head banging cult following, particularly in their native Austrialia. February 2016 brought the release of fourth LP Victorious.

Overhead, the Albatross / The Workmans Club / Saturday 9th April Homegrown Irish instrumental fusion unit Overhead, the Albatross formed as an experiment between six musician friends. The epic products bring together rock with classical and pop elements, and have earned the band a number of large venue gigs, recently including a desirable support slot for Kodaline at the Marquee in Cork. The group’s debut album, recorded in the Czech Republic, is currently in post-production.

The band return to Dublin’s much-loved Workmans for a “pay what you like” fundraiser to support their upcoming trip to play at Canada Music Festival.

PHOTO: Oh Joy, via Facebook

OH JOY seamlessly marry emphatic yet controlled croons with grainy guitar lines, which are served well by an ever diligent rhythm section. Authenticity and honesty are obviously virtues being striven for here as every line is evenly weighted, with nothing overstaying its welcome. Frontman Ollie Moyles himself identifies this honesty as a key objective for Oh Joy: “As a songwriter, I am influenced a lot by Father John Misty at the moment. I think his songwriting is so painfully honest but delivered in such a nonchalant way, it’s awesome”.

Though Oh Joy’s music is considered and articulate, it never feels restrained. On their track ‘Dead Bee’, the reverb-drenched, grainy guitar, the studied, well-delivered tenor vocals, the animated drums and prudent bass lend the music a sense of scope often deemed to be beyond the means of a three-piece outfit. Oh Joy strive to maximise

the effectiveness and impact of their instruments. “I think when you play as a three piece you have to really focus on what your instrument brings to the party,” Moyles explains. “When you play guitar, you need to focus not just on what you play but how you can play it to get the most out of it. Likewise with bass. We always try and not be limited by being a three piece.”

Moyles admits that his vocals take from a canon of confessional, soulful songsmiths – among them Elliot Smith and Jeff Buckley – which is evident not only in the sense of urgent honesty communicated by vocals but also the in the dissonant and dormant darkness of Oh Joy’s noise-rock leanings: “We are all heavily influenced by noisy bands like The Wytches and Girl Band, but then we also love the likes of Jeff Buckley and Elliott Smith, so if you can imagine a meeting point between those two extremes, we are

probably somewhere in there.” This alt-rock outfit draws on the sensibilities of lo-fi, garage rock and grunge outfits and manipulates them uncannily but still manages to remain elusive of any genre descriptors.

The approach to recording that Oh Joy take further reflects the band’s drive towards honesty, with the band feeling best equipped to accurately capture their sound in live recording sessions: “Everything you hear in the song was recorded live, except for the ending.

It would have been a mistake to edit that song and change it. We try and take the same approach to everything we record, authentic and raw, which we hope will be noticeable when the EP Joy For All comes out.”

Oh Joy will perform their launch gig on the 8th of April in the Bello Bar.

NEIL DEXTER OF DUBLIN INDIE OUTFIT SPIES CHATS TO CIARA JANE DUFFY ABOUT THE CHARM OF VINYL, CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF CHOIR AND THE BAND’S OLYMPIA THEATRE DEBUT

'' WE WANT TO MAKE OUR MUSIC ACCESSIBLE AND NOT ISOLATE PEOPLE, BUT OUR MUSIC IS A CREATIVE PROCESS BY WHICH WE FOCUS ON MAKING THE BEST MUSIC WE CAN.''

SPIES: ambiguous, alluring, mysterious. The name says it all. “We chose ‘Spies’ because it was a word that kept cropping up in lyrics… and gave us that [ambiguity].” The men of Spies stepped out onto the Irish music scene when MySpace was still a popular place for Irish teens and students to discover new music. “We started as a band in 2009, and the climate was so different,” guitarist Neil Dexter explains, speaking to OTwo. The evolution of online culture has run alongside the band’s own development of sounds, and Dexter reflects on how the online expression that was once a platform has now become more of a follow up to the live show experience. “We would find bands like We Cut Corners who were already established via MySpace, so it was important to the band, but playing shows - there’s no better way to draw people in… Facebook has become a great follow up asset to live shows for us.”

Not to allow modernity rule all, the band keeps true to their own experience of growing up in Ireland and the music they’ve encountered. Vinyl albums have become sought after in the new wave of listeners seeking out a “rawer sound”, as Dexter eloquently puts it. “I guess it’s everyone’s dream to have a record so I guess that’s why we pushed to have it. It’s part of the raw ambition that you have when you’re young to be like ‘yeah let’s have a record.’” Spies have made their EPs available on vinyl, and Dexter points out that this is their way of rewarding themselves and fans as having a vinyl record in hand allows a sense of having “something of real substance” at your fingertips. “It’s been 50 or

60 years since the record was at its peak so it can be hard to get your hands on a decent copy without paying for it. It’s that nostalgia factor.

There’s a lot of re-releases on vinyl… for records you might not have been able to find other than for the re-release. So, personally, if I’m going to buy music I like to try and buy the record. A CD might be cheaper, but I’d probably end up breaking it in the car or losing it.”

The appreciation that the band have for their forbearing artists resonates as more than a quest to imitate a specific sound. Dexter explains that they “feel privileged to receive comparison to artists such as Morrissey and The National.”

However, he is also quick to point out that Spies’ singer Michael Broderick hadn’t heard of The Smith’s frontman when the band set out making music at age 16. “You would most likely find him in his room listening to Joanna Newsom” (American experimental folk singer and wife of American actor Andy Samberg, for all us less musically evolved at such a young age). Having their sound genreficated is not something that upsets the band. “It’s a helpful guide for the listener which leads them to our music initially,” Dexter explains. But overall, their ‘indie rock’ label puts no restriction on the sound they create or sources they draw inspiration from.

Hearing that the band members have such unique influences that are perhaps viewed as obscure is of no surprise. “My dad was our choir master when we were younger... so it allowed us to explore the emotions and logistics of more classical music with harmony. I’m not sure if it influences our music directly, but certainly indirectly.”

Having been signed by an independent label, one might wonder what weight commercial success might have on the sound Spies produce. “Of course we want to make our music accessible and not isolate people, but our music is a creative process by which we focus on making the best music we can, so it isn’t driven

by ‘commercialism’, which is a scary word for some artists.”

It seems that Spies have prevented any such failing, and their creative process must be something to credit their success with. The quartet are heading into the studio in May to finalise the recording of their long-awaited album. “We’re pretty much nearly finished now... Hopefully we’ll have an end of year release,” Dexter muses.

“It’ll be a big moment for the band as it’ll be our statement which says ‘this is who we really are.’”

A process which has been purposefully unrushed, it would appear, as the band have spent incredible efforts performing live to their crowds.

The live show is of pivotal importance to Spies.

Their recent gig as support to London-based group Wolf Alice was certainly an exciting moment which broadened their listenership. “The Olympia performance supporting Wolf Alice was something of ‘a wow moment’ for us. We were in Kerry at the time when we got the call two days beforehand, so we were like ‘Eh, yeah!’ and had to drive back early from recording, but it was so much fun!” Much like many other artists such as U2 and Florence + the Machine, who have all cited the venue as a milestone moment in their careers: “Without wanting to sound cocky, our music came alive in the place, when we heard it played back after soundcheck.”

The all-ages allowance of the gig was a nostalgic experience for Dexter: “Seeing young fans queuing up excitedly reminded me of when I saw The Maccabees perform at the Academy, when I was like 15 or 16. The kids coming up to us after the Belfast show with Wolf Alice, looking for photos – it was exactly like we were.”

We’ve been given enough EPs to keep us satisfied, but an autumn release of a Spies LP is something to get excited about. Be sure to keep in the loop about when, where and how you can get your hands on the album and also for updates about the sixth annual Spies Soiree – a musical event not to be missed.

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TAKING SOME WELL EARNED TIME OFF IN MIAMI, JOHN STANIER OF EXPERIMENTAL ROCK GROUP BATTLES SPEAKS TO SEÁN HAYES OF THEIR UPCOMING EUROPEAN TOUR, THE PRESSURE OF CREATING GOOD MUSIC AND HIS LOVE FOR IRISH AUDIENCES

PHOTO: VIA BATTLES TWITTER

'' IT TOOK SUCH LONG TIME TO DEVELOP. IT DEFINITELY TOOK FOUR YEARS OF TOURING THE US IN A VAN, PLAYING TO 50 PEOPLE AND SLEEPING ON PEOPLE'S FLOORS.''

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THE NOTORIOUSLY outspoken Robert Christgau once wrote that American experimental rock group Battles simultaneously tintinnabulate and grunt while performing on stage. Whatever that pompous statement means exactly, drummer John Stanier doesn’t seem to care too much. In fact, Stanier doesn’t seem to particularly care about anything these days. And why should he?

He’s currently taking some time off from the road, kicking back on a “very pleasant, beautiful sunny morning in Miami.” The fact that he emphasises his current situation, seemingly for good measure: “It really is beautiful here, not to rub it in”, does little to alleviate the pangs of jealousy emanating from the dismally grey, Dublin side of the phone call.

The fact is, Stainer is a cool character, and cooler still for seemingly being completely unaware of this fact. His stories are scattered and oftentimes interrupted, rarely arriving at a conclusion that answers the original question. Yet a warm, almost Southern-inclined voice keeps any potential listener within ear-reach hooked and makes for fascinating and rewarding conversation.

Battles originally formed in New York City in 2002, a comparative lifetime – or even two – in the fast-paced and fickle music industry. From talking to Stanier, though, there’s little doubt that his laid-back, unassuming manner played a large part in the longevity of the group. He expresses genuine surprise at the fact that they have now been successfully playing together for the past 13 years. Reflecting, he admits that “the band started out not even as a concrete idea. It started out as the possibility of an idea which may turn into something or may not turn into anything.

When I came into the picture, it was not one of those situations where the moment I walked in the door I knew there was something special there.

There was none of that. I think I even blew off the next rehearsal. It took me a good bunch of times before I even wanted to commit to it. It took such a long time to develop. It definitely took four years of touring the US in a van, playing to 50 people

and sleeping on people’s floors.” Their perseverance seems to have paid off, however, despite their shaky beginnings. The band has just returned from playing Mexico City and they are now gearing up for an extensive tour of Europe, which will see them take in cities such as Berlin, Paris and Milan. A sold-out date in Dublin’s Button Factory has just gone by too.

What makes their successful trajectory even more surprising is that, for a band that has been around for more than a decade, their creative output has been somewhat limited. In an industry where pop acts are contractually obliged to release an album every November and an eighteen month period between releases is considered a hiatus, Battles’ three albums make for an average of just one release every four years. The group’s third record, La Di Da Di, was released in September of last year to continued critical approval. Stanier, however, goes to lengths to dispel any rumours of a lacklustre effort behind the band’s output. In fact, it is the only point in the conversation where Stanier’s sunny disposition appears to break, instead revealing slight frustration.

Explaining the band’s desire to maintain originality, Stainer reveals that “half the reason it takes so long is because we’re working hard not to repeat ourselves and that doesn’t necessarily mean just writing new stuff. The writing is simple. We do that all day long. It means sometimes using an entirely new set up, using more futuristic technology and learning how to do that.”

As well as the technical skill behind each of their releases, Stanier reveals a sometimes unacknowledged problem experienced by many musicians and artists – knowing when to stop. “That right there is the hardest thing to do, knowing when to stop painting. ‘When is the painting done?’ It’s like sculpting everything into the perfect sculpture. That’s really hard. We get into the biggest arguments over whether stuff should stay in or out. There’s a certain finesse to that that’s pretty tricky.”

Indeed, this skill appears to have paid off. Battles’ records and live performances have always been well received by critics and audiences alike. Stanier

claims that the audience plays a large part in the overall show. Perhaps unique in the sense that the band does not have one dedicated frontman, all three members, instead, prefer to get as close to the audience as possible. Explaining this, he enthuses that “there’s no frontman, but then all three of us are pushed up to the front of the stage. It’s not like we’re this bashful, really shy, shoe-gazer band that’s hiding behind our singer. We want people to have fun and we want people to be in the middle of the music as we are.”

One audience that has been particularly receptive, according to Stanier, is the Irish audience. Pausing for a moment, as he recollects his time in the city, he decides: “We have some of the funnest nights we have ever had in your wonderful country. Seriously, really crazy nights. I’m talking about getting back at noon kind of nights. And Dublin is always the type of place it takes four days to recuperate from. We usually go really crazy in Dublin. We really like the audience, of course. It’s always been super receptive to us – very non-judgemental. Comparing it to London, it doesn’t even compare. London is always very strategic and you’ve got to do this and that.

Dublin is always fun, I love it.”

Despite being around for longer than most bands could even dream of and dealing with the internal pressure of producing nuanced collections of music, Stanier and his bandmates are still just looking to have a good time. This laid back attitude is part of Stanier’s appeal and it’s certainly played a large part in the band’s overall success. This happy-go-lucky mindset can be noticed in the group’s plans for the future too, as Stanier reveals. “I think we’ll tour for the rest of the year, at least until the early fall. And then, who knows? I’m sure we’ll take some time off. I have some other stuff going on that I’m going to do and then I guess there’ll be another record.”

Whether this takes another four years or not has yet to be decided.

La Di Da Di is out now.

The battle to busk

OWEN STEINBERGER EXAMINES JUST WHAT IS AT STAKE AS THREATS ARE POSED AGAINST DUBLIN’S RICH AND HISTORICAL CULTURE OF BUSKING TRADITION is more often abused than honoured. Dragging out gaudy green caps and throwing open souvenir shop doors has become the world’s St. Patrick’s Day tradition more than Ireland’s own. What was once an exercise in national pride has become something much different, and much more sinister: it is being picked apart.

Busking is now suffering a similar fate, being pruned and picked at by a national institution that seeks to commandeer its heritage for profit.

Everyone who has been in Dublin for more than an hour layover has seen, and likely heard a busker. They play music – sometimes brilliant, sometimes terrible. Buskers are often people who cannot pay their way with savings alone, or those who struggle to make ends meet for their families; they make music to live. Busking is more than an annoyance; certain pervasive earworms aside, it has served and continues to serve an important purpose for Dublin’s unemployed and working poor.

However, frequent complaints lodged by shop owners concerning late-night noise and disruption of business, as well as irritable customers complaining of songs played on repeat have led to

government restrictions on busking. Those very people who bring life to Dublin’s streets now find it increasingly difficult to maintain their legal right to perform.

Despite campaigns on social media and protests, a gate has been lowered that shuts out the disadvantaged.

A toll must be paid to play. Buskers now require permits, which must be registered annually (for €30, or €60 if you need an amplifier) and are limited in how loudly, and how long, they can perform. Failure to comply with these laws may result in fines up to €1,500, and while they rarely reach that high, who among busking’s traditional envoy – the homeless, the poor, the long-distance travelers – can afford to pay a fine even as high as half this figure?

This permit fee keeps the ‘unsightly’ performers, who may be disheveled and unkempt due to poor living conditions and a lack of income off the streets. Dublin seems content to favour its well-to-do window-shoppers – who, God forbid, might hear music they dislike while ambling past Bewleys, or may witness a performance of poor quality that prompts them to veer away from Marks & Spencer – over the performers themselves.

The original purpose of busking is

eroding, and Dublin’s backhanded gratitude to its artistic community is shocking. The image of the busker has long fed the world’s fond impressions of Dublin, of its sense of community and good conversation. But no longer can a human being walk onto Grafton street, pick up their guitar, and let their music be heard without a permit.

Even if they manage to purchase a permit, busking incurs far greater risk now that an initial investment is required: it’s possible you won’t be able to make back enough money to avoid an exorbitant fine or pay a loan. If you can’t, you’ll be deeper in debt without a way to climb back out. Regulations have made busking more accessible to the financially sound while undercutting those in need.

Now revisions to the original busking laws are on the table. The proposed changes are draconian in effect, but it’s likely not all will pass public critique, as the revision is understood to be open to the public. Among these proposed changes are increased costs for permits on Grafton street, €100 permits for selling CDs, single-hour limits on performances, and laws which allow for Executive Orders on the part of the

Council that would reach beyond anything written in law. Some are even calling for auditions for busking in order to weed out those they deem mediocre performers, which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what qualifies as “good art” and is a grossly subjective abuse of power.

It’s impossible to know which of these new regulations will pass, but it remains unlikely that any restrictions will be lightened, or that any changes will be made for the benefit of the buskers themselves.

Limitations on volume and amplification make sense for areas like Temple Bar, which has narrow streets and thick crowds, but the rest of 2016’s proposed changes only serve to construct new hurdles that fewer and fewer performers will be able to clear.

The face of Irish busking, Keywest, is an amalgamation of these problems. They have fought for busking rights behind the #SaveIrishBusking slogan and have encouraged others to join in and protest.

However, they have been able to build their career on top of the busking platform due to smart marketing and chart-topping hits.

Their success stands to show what busking may become: well-known, curated acts that nudge out those who can’t afford to get their start. Because of Keywest’s reliance on public performances in high-traffic areas to

spread their name, while their support is helpful, it’s also expected. Busking needs the support of regular citizens to break through its current cage.

The media loves to paint busking as a “love it or hate it” affair, and many people do find it a nuisance when commuting or when their office building is blasted with a guitar solo from the streets below.

But strip back annoyance: remember that this is peoples’ livelihood at stake.

Dublin’s recent legislative bullying is self-serving and morally reprehensible, actively harming the disadvantaged in what is already a difficult period in the jobs and housing markets. Busking is not about tourist appeal. Its interpolation into a permit system turns it into a business, a marketing tool; potential future alterations may spell its doom. Total commercialisation would strip busking’s integrity for a few quid and to satisfy a smattering of complainants.

Changes are on the way, and there’s little that can be done except to keep the conversation going and to direct it towards the buskers themselves, and away from those who stand to benefit from their subjugation.

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DUBLIN DE RIGUEUR A SLICE OF UNIVERSITY FASHION NAME: JAMES, THE DESTROYER AREA OF WORK: AVIATION CLOTHES: YES SHOES: OF COURSE QUOTE: “I THINK THAT THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THESE PHOTOGRAPHS HAVEN’T A CLUE WHY THEY WERE CHOSEN. IT’S ALMOST AS IF I WAS THE ONLY PERSON ON CAMPUS ON GOOD FRIDAY....’’

NAME: STEPHANIE STUDYING: LLM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY CLOTHES: JACKET - ANTHROPOLOGY SUNGLASSES - NEW YORK ‘I LOVE THE JACKET - IT’S BIG, COMFORTABLE AND I REALLY LIKE THE DESIGN ON THE BACK.’

KATIE DEVLIN LOOKS AT THE TECHNICAL EVOLUTION OF THE FASHION SPHERE AND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ‘MODERN’ THE FASHION industry by its very nature is in constant flux due to the way it both influences and is influenced by culture and society. This fusion of fashion and technology has been on its way to entering the mainstream for some time now. Chanel’s use of 3D printing technology on a number of tweed jackets in their Paris haute couture show last summer raised a few eyebrows with regards to how this new technique fits into the production of luxury fashion in today’s industry.

Although they are one of the first major fashion houses to experiment with this technology on a ‘collection’ scale, this is far from being a new practice.

Dutch designer Iris van Herpen has been leading the charge for a number of years, often utilising the technology to create spectacular avant garde show-pieces made from a number of individually 3D printed parts. However, this past season has seen not only an immense increase in the use of this technology but also a change in the way it is used. At last summer’s Berlin

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way it is used. At last summer’s Berlin Fashion Week, Marina Hoermanseder included a single 3D printed piece; a stunning rose gold chainlink effect corset crop-top, in a collection of otherwise traditional materials. Although she did admit that the first attempt caught fire during production, this proves that new technological means to fashion design and production can be easily incorporated into traditional creative blueprints.

This trend has continued in a big way at Autumn/Winter 2016 fashion week presentations over the last few months. Label Threeasfour showcased two dresses created using 3D printing technology, and established their intentions to explore the “possibilities unfolding at the intersection of fashion, design and technology”.

Their intricate spiral designs on dark colours introduced a balance between the typically elaborate uses of this technology and wearable fashion, and achieved

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING: 3D PRINTING IN FASHION

their desire to “evoke a language unique to 3D printing”. Ohne Titel availed of 3D printing technology for their NYFW presentation, weaving small individual pieces together to create a dress with a knitted effect. In her collection which featured numerous wearable pieces of both traditional and printed materials, Alexis Walsh presented her “spire dress”; created by printing four hundred individual pieces which were then put together by hand.

In this way, designers are embracing 3D printing technology to create and achieve effects that simply would not have been possible with traditional materials; not as a novelty means to create interesting show pieces and certainly not as a quick or easier alternative.

''THEY ESTABLISHED THEIR INTENTIONS TO EXPLORE THE 'POSSIBILITIES UNFOLDING AT THE INTERSECTION OF FASHION, DESIGN AND TECHNOLOGY.''

SUPREME DE PARIS WITH DUE WIT AND JOIE-DE-VIVRE, OUR GIRL ON THE GROUND KIERA BLACK GIVES YOU ALL THE INFO ON PARIS’ NEW AND EXCLUSIVE SKATER STORE ON THE 10th March 2016, the doors to Europe’s second Supreme store opened in the heart of the artsy Marais District in Paris.

Supreme, described by founder and owner James Jebbia as ‘a brand for the people’, made its debut in 1994 in a run-down graffiti club in downtown Manhattan, NYC, which has grown into the brand’s booming flagship store and self-acclaimed ‘home of New York skate culture’. Famed for its quality tees, flat-brimmed hats and distinctive, collectable skateboards, as well as its red box logo inspired by the revolutionary art of Barbara Kruger, the brand represents the embodiment of downtown skate-rat style.

Since its first appearance, seven more stores have opened in Japan and London, all emulating the simple and accessible layout of that on Lafayette Street, as well as one in L.A. which boasts an indoor skate bowl.

With only eight stores worldwide, minimal advertising and limits on available products, the exclusivity of Supreme became its main attraction.

However, in the lead-up to the store’s introduction to Paris this month, some customers began to complain about loss of uniqueness as the brand continues to grow and spread across fashion capitals. So how will global expansion affect the perception of a label famed for its exclusivity and deep-rooted hometown pride?

Jebbia makes a conscious

effort to maintain a distinct and somewhat familial vibe within stores, hand-selecting like-minded artists, professional skaters and even, on rare occasions, regular customers to man each shop. Intermittent product ‘drops’, featuring no more than 15 items at a time, keep eager fans on tenterhooks in anticipation for the newest designs.

Both high quality and prices have helped win Supreme recognition as ‘the Chanel of street wear’, according to online fashion magazine Business of Fashion. When asked what it is about the brand that causes street-long frenzied queues every fateful Thursday when a new item is released, Jebbia replied: ‘“We can’t explain it, other than we have some really cool shit.”

So just in time to reveal the SS16 collection, the new flagship store, which is located a stone’s throw away from skaters’ playground Place de la République, has opened its doors to countless street-style junkies and budding skateboarders alike. Complete with artistic collaborations including one with pro-skater and long-time affiliate Mark Gonzalez, handpicked elitist staff and a laidback demeanour, the store is sure to gain ground in Europe’s fashion capital.

Next time you’re trawling the streets of Paris looking for a fashion fix, why not pop in? Just make sure to get there early to beat the rush. When it comes to shopping at Supreme, there’s no time to wait around.

''WE CAN'T EXPLAIN IT, OTHER THAN WE HAVE SOME REALLY COOL SHIT.''

FROM CATWALK TO CURBSIDE LUCY COFFEY LOOKS AT THE PRIME CATWALK LOOKS EMERGING THIS SEASON AND HOW TO GET THEM FOR YOURSELF THE MELEE that is a fashion week preparea frequently becomes home to a host of new techniques in the creative quarter of the world. From eyelashes to hairlines, models are prepped with new looks that serve not only as the face of their brand, but also that of the season. In this article we look at some of the top trending make-up looks that have come off the catwalks in the latest Spring/Summer and Pre-Autumn/Winter collections.

Leading the focus is Antonio Marant’s Pre-Autumn/Winter collection. Jumping on the 70s trend currently pervading every silk scarf and atelier bust in Paris and Milan, Marant made some updates.

He took a slight step away from the colourful palettes of burnt sienna and harvest gold and instead focused on distressed monochrome colours with pops of avocado and limoncello. His broad brim hats and hard-edge necklines contrasted the soft make-up and colourless faces of his models, keeping the 70s vibe alive with a natural base tone and glimmer lip.

The key focus of Marant’s make-up, however, lies in the eyes. Eyelashes are key to 70s naturalism and Marant was not the only designer to amp up the

lashes on the catwalk. Balance between upper and lower lashes is kept by grabbing an eyebrow comb and sweeping through the lash lines, eliminating clumps while helping to drag mascara to the very tips of the lashes. In order to get that full but fresh lash look, L’Oreal’s Telescopic mascara has a brush and formula that specialises in dragging lashes out to their full length while keeping their movement natural and bended – not stiff and straight like other mascaras.

Another make-up look that took precedence on catwalks this season was the putty-lip on display at Balmain’s.

Punk chic has emerged as a major player in terms of style and accessorising, with houses like Yves Saint Laurent setting the base line for other designers. In make-up artist circles this means a fresh take on the traditional punk look. With this in mind, smoky eyes and nude or pink lips have been everywhere in seasonal collections.

However, Balmain’s make-up look embodies the point of difference that true punk style should emanate and that, unfortunately, other designers seem to have fallen just short of.

Blush and nude lips can be some of the

most subtly striking colours and they’re prefect for day-to-night wear, but the key twist that makes the blush lip stand out this season is the heavy pigmentation in the colour. This means a more defined and colour blocked lip reinforced with a putty or matte cream. One of the best crème lipsticks that will give you the right amount of pigment without destroying your chapped lips is NYX liquid suede cream.

Priced at $7, this nifty lip shade will plump your pout in seconds. With the eye and lip area covered vis-à-vis your new catwalk you, remember to keep your skin looking fresh and dewy.

Catwalk style is always about clear skin and this season is no exception, with a hint of blush on the lower apples of your cheeks to highlight cheekbones and give that post-winter rosy glow. With these basics in place you can dress up your look with a grunge wet-glimmer lid or a more minimal flying cat eye, as seen on the Chanel Haute Couture models. Either way your catwalk look is already achieved and you can look as much Diana Ross or Ziggy Stardust as you feel.

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MEGAN HICKEY LOOKS AT HOW THE 70S PATTERN CLASH CAN BE USED TO ITS FULL EFFECT IN THIS GUCCI INSPIRED SEASON PATTERNS: a word that strikes fear in the hearts of many. And what’s scarier than patterns? Patterns on patterns. That’s right, pattern clashing. But have no fear; we have tips on how to introduce bright patterns into your spring/summer wardrobe for both novices and fashion innovators.

For those of you who are not ready to part with your winter wardrobe or are new to clashing patterns, Aisling’s laced up blouse is perfect for adding colour to your casual wear. Laced up tops have recently become a staple wardrobe piece and this blouse combines the popular trend with laidback 70s oversized blouses and floral patterns. The red and blue floral print around her neck serving to brighten up her plain white blouse. Aisling’s jeans are embroidered along the seams with rose red flowers and the subtle placement of the floral print on both the blouse and the jeans create an outfit Penny Lane would love to show off.

Finally, her snake skin boots clash with the soft, feminine outfit, giving it a Rolling Stones rock vibe, while the soft pink scarf tied around Aisling’s neck ties into the soft pink hues of her make-up.

Her makeup was influenced by the “sunset streak trend” where pinks and peaches are not just used on models lips this season, but also on cheeks and eyelids. Dior’s runway was awash with this monotone trend with baby pink and fresh peach shades swept onto models lips, eyes and cheeks.

Aisling’s second outfit also uses clashing floral patterns. The similar designs in this outfit stop her cream blouse and woody brown skirt from becoming too over powering, while the clashing florals are tied together with a simple tan belt and complement each other while still giving off a high fashion feel. Gucci’s Spring/ Summer 2016 campaign had a huge influence on this shoot. Their past campaign for 2015 took 70s style and gave it a structured feel, and this year they bring together key style trends of the late 70s, then cover it in 80s sequins and florals. This creates the perfect mix of vintage and futuristic fashion. Their campaign is fun and carefree, encouraging people to take risks with their fashion.

Berets and neck ties were also major accessories on the Gucci catwalk. Long gone are the days when berets were associated with a substitute art teacher. Instead they have become a high fashion staple. Marc by Marc Jacobs and Saint Laurent used berets in their Autumn/Winter shows. Brightly coloured berets will cheer up any winter wardrobes. Place it towards the back of your head like Aisling to accentuate your facial features or wear it to the side for a high fashion look.

Gucci were not the only designers to use the 70s as fashion inspiration this season, with the Michael Kors Ready to Wear 2015/2016 influenced by the opulence of the decade. Billowing fur jackets paired with patent brown leather bags shared the runway with coffee brown jumper dresses and fitted tan coats.

Chloe’s Autumn/Winter Ready to Wear 2016 collection showcased a moodier side of the 70s with dark leather trousers and boots serving as the main outfit pieces. Scarves were also a popular fashion accessory, with models wearing thin, soft scarves wrapped around their neck a few times then knotted to the side. House of Holland also incorporated this fabric accessory using black silk material. Aisling wears her light pink scarf loose and to the side for a more relaxed feel and to show off her beautiful patterned blouse.

The fashion of the 1970s is an obvious choice to influence Spring/Summer trends as it has a relaxed and carefree vibe. The 70s trend is not just here for the season, but for the whole year as over the top fur coats and cuffs will become a key trend for this upcoming Autumn/Winter season.

PHOTOGRAPHER: DAVID WINN MODEL: AISLING CONNOLLY MAKE-UP ARTIST: ROXANA MELUT SUPPLIER: NINE CROWS VENUE: O’REILLYS BAR SHOOT CO-ORDINATOR: MEGAN HICKEY SHOOT SUPERVISOR: LUCY COFFEY

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Speed-Dating for Writers

A LITERARY mix between speed dating and Dragon’s Den would perhaps best describe the Greenbean Novel Fair. Fiona O’Rourke, one of the twelve finalists, describes the experience and the work leading up to the big day as something which, novel-writing aside, involves some amount of research, including a day of preparation.

“In the preparation day you got to meet the three judges that picked out the twelve finalists, and also welcomed by a member of the committee”, she explains. “Kevin Curran was there. He was kind of giving advice and talking about his experience. He gave really sound advice, and how it was for him, and what to do” (for those of you who are regular Arts and Lit readers, no doubt the vast majority of UCD students, you will remember an interview with writer, Kevin Curran, featuring in a past issue of OTwo).

The Novel Fair was how Curran managed to secure a publishing deal with his debut novel, Beatsploitation .

So what exactly does the fair itself entail?

Each finalist sits at a table and waits for one of the 16 agents or publishers to approach them. Each finalist then has a few minutes to pitch their novel to the publisher, and once the bell rings, they have to repeat the process all over again. No doubt a daunting task for anyone. What kind of questions were put to each finalist by the publishers?

“With each person I was just getting into a different narrative, based on the questions they were asking,” she says. “They did ask quite different questions. With the first person I was talking to, we ended up getting into a conversation about Northern Ireland and people going away on the 12th fortnight to get away from the marching season. He was American and he seemed to be very aware of what I was talking about.”

To put this into context, O’Rourke, who is a Northern Ireland native herself, is hoping to get her novel Have You Found Luke? published after taking part as a finalist in the Novel Fair. The book is a tale of two cities with three different points of view and it is not your “stereotypical Troubles’ story”.

Instead, it “contrasts the claustrophobic nature of Belfast in ’85 where [Luke’s] father and uncle came of age, with the openness and vitality of Lisbon in 2015” where

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protagonist Luke has found himself getting into trouble on a different scale than that which prevailed in the Belfast of 1985.

Despite O’Rourke being a finalist, there is actually no “winner” of the Novel Fair.

In fact, the publishers and agents may choose to walk away from the fair without choosing any of the finalists’ pitches. It’s a slightly negative way of looking at it, but what are the chances of a finalist’s novel being chosen for publication? “They’ve worked it out. 24 per cent have gone on to publish work, which I think is actually quite high when you look at these agents’ websites and stuff and they say the amount of manuscripts they receive every year.”

Which it turns out, is really quite a lot.

The Novel Fair is essentially a publisher’s dream. Instead of banging their head against the computer, sorting through thousands and thousands of emails from hopeful writers, the 12 finalists are handed to them on a plate as their manuscripts have gone under the inspection of three highly esteemed and well skilled judges: Anthony Glavin, Martina Devlin and Margaret Hayes.

“A lot of [publishing companies] don’t even have any websites, they don’t have emails… They’re just so well highly regarded they don’t even need to have a website.” O’Rourke explains how one publisher admitted to having received in and around 2800 manuscripts in a year.

With figures like these, the Novel Fair is undoubtedly an excellent opportunity for writers to get their work out there and you don’t even need to have a finished novel before entering.

“I think the deadline was back at the end of November. You had to submit 10,000 words and a 300 word synopsis. So at that point I think I’d only about 4,200 words written of the novel. So it wasn’t even a finished novel. But because I’d heard Kevin talking at the culture night in the Irish Writer’s Centre, saying if you hadn’t finished yet, as long as it’s finished by January, it’s OK. And I took heart from what he said…I was kind of inspired by that, he just seemed like a really ordinary guy, you know?”

O’Rourke’s novel began in a strange way.

“It started life as a list of contents in a ruck sack and a few notes about somebody living their whole life in this bottom bunk.” The writer spent some time living in a hostel in Portugal herself, and no doubt this is where that element of the story comes from. It continued on, however, to be a short story and after receiving encouraging words from a group workshop, eventually it began to take on the shape of a novel.

“I figured, okay, for once I’ll agree.

Because I never ever wanted to write a novel before. I only ever wanted to write short stories. That was my only interest… It’s kind of like people look down on short stories in a way when they go, ‘why don’t you write a book?’ as if, ‘what are you piffling about with short stories for?’”.

O’Rourke went against her own instincts though, and it turned out to be for the best, as every publisher she met with at the Novel Fair expressed at least an interest in her novel. Although not a guaranteed way into a publication deal, The Novel Fair is certainly an excellent event for up-and-coming writers to get themselves a bit of notice, and even just the experience of meeting with agents and publishers. Even if you don’t get into the final 12, they offer feedback for some of the other promising ideas. For aspiring writers out there, maybe it’s time to take a look at that old idea you have scribbled away somewhere and bring it back to life. A publishing deal may very well be on the horizon.

FIONA O’ROURKE, FINALIST IN THE 2016 GREENBEAN NOVEL FAIR, SITS DOWN WITH MAEBH BUTLER TO DISCUSS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY INTO A PUBLISHING DEAL

CHILDREN’S CHILDREN: REVIEW SÍOFRA NÍ SHLUAGHADHÁIN REVIEWS JAN CARSON’S CHILDREN’S CHILDREN

at once.

The short story format is, in this case, a strategic choice. It is impossible to become familiar with anyone in ten or so pages. In Carson’s imagined world, a world of the surreal and the disconcertingly ordinary, every character is someone’s child. The collection is concerned with legacies, futures and histories intertwined in the interest of family and memory.

These characters are often imbued with the colours of the landscapes described, and yet, amid the heavy weight of histories and legacies, there is, inexplicably, the faintest glimmer of hope.

It is possible that Carson represents

IT’S NOT often that a collection of short stories can create such a vivid set of vignettes, each as perfectly encapsulating as the last. Jan Carson’s second collection is like a trip to an old fashioned cinema; a jumble of greys, blues and muted tones which blend a timeless feeling of loneliness with a post-apocalyptic nostalgia.

Set amongst the landscapes of Northern Ireland in the aftermath of the Troubles, all of the characters in Children’s Children are concerned with the effects and influences of legacy. Moving between the past, future and an ever changing present, this collection plays with its concerns, turning our ideas of time and its passing aside in favour of a series of narratives which skew these concepts.

What is truly extraordinary about these stories is their robust individuality.

Although they are united by theme and place, each piece stands up to scrutiny on its own. These stories are not interconnected, except by theme, but each opening page reveals a voice that, like the landscape, is both familiar and alien all

a new tone in the voices heard in the literature of Northern Ireland, one which is aware of the past, but which is also acutely aware of itself, and the role it plays in the present. It is a style which is very much of its place as tiny details of Northern Ireland are caught in fine prose.

And yet, despite its awareness of heritage, it sees beyond the political into the ideas of personal psychology.

In essence, Children’s Children is a collection of eye openers. It is a book which takes the familiar, and turns it into something we all recognise, but will never fully understand. It is a book of everyday ghosts and revelations, and a read that will linger long after the closing page.

'' In Carson's imagined world, a world of the surreal and the disconcertingly ordinary, every character is someone's child.''

KISS MY…! PÓG MO THÓIN REVIEW MEGAN HICKEY REVIEWS GARRY BANNISTER’S ENGLISH-IRISH SLANG DICTIONARY, KISS MY…! PÓG MO THÓIN, A COLLOQUIAL TAKE ON THE IRISH LANGUAGE THE THOUGHT of an Irish dictionary can still set off the fears and anxieties of your Leaving Cert Irish exam, even after you’ve moved on to college (unless you are actually studying Irish, sorry). Garry Bannister’s dictionary of English-Irish slang Kiss My…! Póg mo Thóin: A Dictionary of English-Irish Slang is more colloquial and less educational. With phrases like “I was scared shitless” and “gobbledygook” this dictionary is filled with fun and useful slang words and phrases that you would never have learnt in school.

When Bannister first tried to publish his dictionary in 1999, he was met with apprehensive publishers. Some told him they were “too afraid to publish for fear of losing a government grant or generally offending the Gaelic readership”, as Bannister mentions in the preface. The reason this pocket sized dictionary had difficulty being published was probably due to the ‘explicit nature’ of the content that Bannister translated into Irish.

This dictionary has useful day to day phrases such “what’s up” (“cad tá ar súil?) and “I’ve lost my blooming book” (“tá mo leabhar mallaithe caillte agam”). There are lots of fun and colloquial terms too such as “he’s all talk” (“níl aige ach an

focal mór”) and “we are hammered” (“treascraíodh go talamh sinn”).

Bannister’s dictionary not only translates slang but also uses slang within sentences to impress your friends on a pub night out or to speak brokenly in a foreign country. He includes sayings heard nationwide

by Irish mammies and also by ‘the lads’ alike, such as “Ceapeann seisean gur bhronntanas ó Dhia don bhantracht é” which translates to “He thinks he’s God’s gift to women” and “D’fhéadfadh sí tusa a ól faoin bhord!” meaning “She could drink you under the table”.

As this dictionary was written in the 90s, many of the slang words and phrases found in it are now offensive and demeaning, with sexist and discriminatory terms. Even though it is just a funny and light-hearted English-Irish dictionary, it could benefit from editing to suit a more modern and socially inclusive Ireland as some of the sayings are crueller than light-hearted. Despite this, it is a humorous and unique understanding of the Irish language that’ll impress your family and friends.

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Writing Northern Irish Women into the narrative “Women Aloud NI has made the rest of Ireland sit up and listen to the excluded Northern Irish writers, and The Glass Shore signals a huge change too.”

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WITH THE RECENT ANNOUNCEMENT OF A NEW ANTHOLOGY OF NORTHERN IRISH WOMEN WRITERS’ WORK, PATRICK KELLEHER LOOKS AT THE EXCLUSION OF NORTHERN IRISH WOMEN FROM THE IRISH LITERARY SCENE THE LAST few months have been ones of feminist awakenings on the Irish literary scene, with a newfound focus on incorporating women into the arts.

From the now internationally acclaimed Waking The Feminists movement to the upcoming documentary Them’s The Breaks (the creators of which are interviewed on page 16-17 of this issue), it seems as though Ireland is finally starting to take note of women writers. And the move has been widely welcomed. Unfortunately for Northern Irish women writers, they seem to have been mostly ignored in this new desire to bring women into the fold of the male-centric literary scene.

When The Long Gaze Back was published in September, edited by Sinéad Gleeson, it was heralded as a defining moment for Irish women writers. The book was a collection of Irish women’s writing, designed to address the exclusion of women from Irish literature. The book signalled an enormous leap forward since the publication of the now highly controversial Field Day Anthology of Irish Writing , a several volume collection in

the 1990s. The collection came under criticism when it first hit shelves for its lack of female writers, and the ensuing controversy in which the Field Day directors, who were all men, commissioned a fourth volume to be edited by women and to feature women’s writing. It became a symbol of the marginalisation of women in Irish literature.

The Long Gaze Back was intended to right this wrong, but it only went so far.

Recently the collection has come under criticism for featuring an alarmingly small number of Northern Irish women writers. So, in response, a new anthology of Northern Irish women writers is to be published, again edited by Gleeson. The Glass Shore: Short Stories by Women Writers from the North of Ireland is to be released in Autumn 2016 by New Island Books.

While the collection is an attempt to redress the exclusion of Northern Irish women from the sphere of Irish writing, it raises a number of questions for those in the literary scene. Is this attempt to right the wrong enough, and what can we do about Northern Irish women’s exclusion from the Irish literary scene?

The answer to this question may well come in the form of Jane Talbot, a Northern Irish writer, and her recent event, Women Aloud Northern Ireland. Talbot and a number of other Northern Irish women collaborated to pull together an event on International Women’s Day for women writers to share their work and to create a space where Northern Irish women could share their creative output. 130 women congregated to read their work publicly.

“Women Aloud NI 2016 was a selfcommissioned ‘live anthology’,” Talbot explains. “We didn’t have to handle the

issue of who should and shouldn’t be included: we went for an inclusive policy, with a view to celebrating writing in all its forms.”

Perhaps the greatest strength of Women Aloud Northern Ireland was that it opened up a conversation in a very public way about Northern Irish women’s writing. “Not only has the initiative raised the profile of the women’s writing scene in Northern Ireland, it’s also created a vibrant and supportive community of women who are continuing to work together to celebrate each other’s work and reach out to – and engage with – a wider readership,” Talbot says.

While Talbot argues that being ignored within the sphere of Irish literature is a problem for Northern Irish women, she also acknowledges that this is also an issue for men. “I think there is a sense that we are often forgotten about or that we are not on the Irish literary radar,” she explains.

“My instinct is that it might be just as much an issue for men too and that it can be a challenge to get Northern Irish writing to ‘travel’ beyond NI’s borders – whether that be into the South or across the water.”

There is certainly a sense in Irish literature that Northern Irish writers remain on the periphery, or perhaps outside the sphere entirely. Dublin has a vibrant literary scene, with various journals, publishers and writers. What’s more is that this community is a small one where everyone knows each other. All you have to do is attend a book or journal launch in Dublin to see that the crowds are always filled with the same faces. While Northern Ireland also has a vibrant literary scene, merging the two is something of a challenge, when the two places feel so far removed from each other. So how can we

work on bringing them together?

Talbot feels that the work is already underway. Women Aloud NI has made the rest of Ireland sit up and listen to the excluded Northern Irish writers, and The Glass Shore signals a huge change too.

“There is a feeling that things are changing now, that the North is back on the radar,” Talbot says. Being back on the radar is one thing, but this issue is as much about bringing the radars of the Republic and the North closer together, to build a new literary scene that incorporates all of those who wish to be included – whether they are north or south of the border.

The publication of The Glass Shore will do a great deal to redress the lack of Northern Irish women’s voices in The Long Gaze Back , but it is only the beginning of the solution.

Much like the Field Day Anthology had to commission an extra volume to redress their misguided exclusion of women, there is a sense that The Glass Shore is doing the same; putting Northern Irish women as an afterthought, or an ‘other’. While the attempt is helpful, it’s not exactly a solution either.

Collections of women’s writing shouldn’t be needed, but unfortunately they are.

Women have been systematically excluded from various areas of society, and the problem is there in literature too. If women’s anthologies shouldn’t be needed, then Northern Irish women’s anthologies shouldn’t be needed either. There needs to be much more work done to include Northern Irish women in the narrative of Irish writing, and take on a post-Troubles approach to literature that is willing to incorporate anybody into the vibrant Irish literary scene – whether they’re male or female, from the Republic or the North, or even a part of the diaspora.

FATAL FOURWAY WORST SONG LYRICS

‘WHISTLE’ BY FLO RIDA - PATRICK KELLEHER THERE are some woefully bad song lyrics out there: virtually everything by Pitbull, mostly everything by Nicki Minaj, and a substantial amount of Rihanna’s back catalogue included (seriously, listen to ‘Birthday Cake’).

But I’m convinced that nothing else can come close to the depths of Flo Rida on his 2012 track ‘Whistle’.

Now, I’m fine with innuendo. In fact, I love innuendo. It’s great fun. But ‘Whistle’ is just lazy, not to mention stupid and very sexist.

“Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby/Let me know/Girl I’m gonna show you how to do it/And we start real slow/You just put your lips together/And you come real close/Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby/Here we go,” Flo Rida sings in the opening to his utterly pointless song. You know what Flo Rida?

Just say the goddamn word: blowjob. It’s not a big word, and you’ll be glad to know, it’s shorter than that entirely ridiculous verse. If I was a famous songwriter (I’m not yet, but rest assured I one day will be), I would

have rewritten the lyrics as: “blowjob, blowjob, blowjob baby, blow-blowjob, blowjob blowjob blowjob blowjob blowjob start real slow, blowjob blowjob blowjob blowjob blow-blowjob, blow blow blow blow blow blow blow blow – blow blow job.”

See? Better already. I’m not a writer for no reason.

Anyway, it gets even more daft as it goes on.

“Look I’m better you like people/And I’m betting you love freak mode/And I’m betting you like girls that give love to girls/And stroke your little ego.” What does that even mean? If she likes girls who give love to girls… does that make her a lesbian? Because if so I have a feeling she’s not particularly into your bloody whistle, Flo Rida. Where’s the consent here?

Why is she going to “pull a damn hamstring?”

I’m pretty sure blowjobs aren’t meant to be that strenuous. There’s a whole lot of confusion in this song, and accompanied with the shit innuendo, ‘Whistle’ is easily the worst song ever written.

‘STOP THE WAR’ BY SPEAK – EVA GRIFFIN SPEAK, the Hungarian rapper famed for his 2003 anti-war song aptly titled ‘Stop the War’, should be given some credit for writing lyrics in English given that it’s not his native tongue.

Unfortunately, it’s impossible not to laugh at his dire lyrics especially when coupled with the bizarre experience that is the official music video.

Speak, real name Tamás Deák (look him up on Wikipedia and the only entry is for this song and some unheard of collaboration), is joined by some other inexplicably emotional dudes who I’m told are semi-famous in Hungary. Clad in black, posing in front of a fancy car and

‘BOYFRIEND’ BY JUSTIN BIEBER - KARL QUIGLEY WE ARE here to discuss one thing and one thing only: the worst song lyric. Now I’m not big into music, but there’s one thing we can all get behind: hating Justin Bieber. Canadians had to do something for us to hate them so here comes this little shit. Now I will say, his new songs are not bad. Hey, they’re pretty good. But his older stuff, when he was even more of a pretentious little shit, oh boy here we go. “Tell me what you like girl, tell me what you don’t. I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe.”

striking some atypical gangster poses, Speak begs the world to stop the war with this unintentionally hilarious plea: “2003, I pray for God they people make the right decision I don’t wanna war. I just wanna peace. Stop the war. Check this.”

And check it we do, from Speak’s ridiculous self-affiliation with some actually well-known rappers referred to as his “black brothers”, to the heart-crushing hilarity of the chorus: Sometimes people make a war, don’t know what is for (business) Say you stop the war (yee c’mon, once again) Sometimes people fight a war, don’t know what is for (business)

Say you stop the war (yee that’s right, c’mon) Yes, sometimes people make a war, and other times people make deliciously bad music. If you’re wondering whether the ‘yee’s above are typos then have no fear, dear reader. Speak, in his desperate attempt to become the next Puff Daddy with feels, has switched up the expected ‘yeah’ for a cool, new ‘yee’. Why, you ask? I guess Speak thought it would lend some weight to his argument, but it’s just downright odd.

My only solace in life is imagining that hulky Hungarian sitting there, pouring his heart out onto a tear-stained page, wondering how to get his emotions across and then finally writing the word that says it all: yee.

This is back when he was being designed in a lab (or whatever I don’t know) to appeal to young girls. So all this tell me what you want shit just stands out and annoys me. Then he has the goddamn audacity to pull in Buzz Lightyear? The big BL? Oh man, you dun messed up now Biebs.

Buzz Lightyear is a space ranger you little shit. He flies so much farther than across the globe. He’s throwing around all these weird pre-pubescent sexual vibes to these kids and then he throws in Buzz Lightyear? Come on man. The one thing I will say is that it is at least, 2000% better than the lyrics to Rhianna’s ‘Work’. But hell, that is a rant for another time and when you have an hour of unrelated yelling to spare.

‘WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR’ BY BUSTED – GRÁINNE LOUGHRAN WHAT DO you go to school for? For most of us, it’s to get a degree, to spend four years drinking in a way that’s somehow socially acceptable, or to write ridiculous columns like this for your college newspaper. For Busted, it was to perve on their teachers. But not just to have errant daydreams about them during a particularly tough class, oh no – to follow them home and watch them undress from the top of a tree.

When you look at Busted in their heyday in the early noughties, you don’t think “sexual predators”.

You might think “questionable hairstyles”. You might

even think “how did you get this far in your lives, you utter morons”. But you don’t think of them obsessively stalking older women. Alas, “I climb a tree outside her home/ To make sure that she’s alone/ I see her in her underwear/ I can’t help but stop and stare.” You can’t help it? Maybe try getting out of that tree and going home to your mothers.

The preying continues inside the classroom, as this possibly pre-pubescent boy fights his way to the front of the class “to get the best view of her ass.” And it gets worse: “I drop a pencil on the floor/ She bends down and shows me more…” But this particular teenage boy isn’t apparently being a bit disgusting by following his teacher home,

watching her undress and looking up her skirt. Nope, apparently she returns his affections. They literally drive off into the sunset together. “We drive past school to say goodbye/ My friends they can’t believe their eyes”. They probably couldn’t believe their eyes that Miss Mackenzie hadn’t been bloody arrested.

Yes, my big reveal that Busted were perverts fourteen years after the release of the song might come a tad late, but for the sake of this Fatal fourway, surely they merit the award of “Worst Song Lyrics Ever”. Also the “Pepper Spray Award for Men I Don’t Want Within Ten Miles of Me”. Yeah, I sang along at the tender age of eight. I didn’t know all the words either.

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James Healy

Leandra Stracquadanio

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