FUCKING UP THE FRIENDSHIP

words: Kylie Gorsky, Chloe Hechter| design: Anna Cabell

Two and a half Whiteclaws and three months of non-voluntary abstinence in, and just like that, you’re hit with a stream of consciousness, unlike anything you’ve experienced before: you’re wondering what your actually-sort-of-your-type-whenyou-really-think-about-it friend is like in bed. Well, you’re not alone. Being attracted to your guy best friend is not just a completely normal part of the college experience, but dare we say, an inevitability.

Let’s set the scene. You have this friend, and whether you’ve had him your whole life or you just met him at school, you guys now tell each other anything and everything. Well, what if one late night, or during a casual “bestie” hangout, things get tense. Simply put, When Harry Met Sally said it right: “No man could be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.” I mean, we’ve all seen the study that has assured us that you’re only friends with those you’re attracted to. But before either of you lean in, take caution and consider the future of the friendship…

You’re not necessarily one in a million, but you are a lucky, lucky girl. If it’s mutual and you take a step further with your best guy friend, everything is pretty much smooth sailing. You already know you are comfortable with each other, and there’s no real awkwardness post hook-up. You’ve always had tons to talk about. But there’s one thing that is definitely important to consider: where do you go from here? If things move at a mile a minute, there is a risk that the relationship will end before it even beings. The fight could simply be over the fact that you want to be on the same page. So basically, TAKE IT SLOW.

The Bad: It’s not mutual, but you’ll still be friends.

What feels worse than somebody not reciprocating feelings? Almost nothing. We know, it’s the absolute worst. What if you make a move and it isn’t reciprocated? Did you just ruin the friendship? Not necissarily. But, if you do have a sit down conversation and explain that you want to continue to be friends, make sure that both of you are making the effort. We swear, things will get really awkward if you both said you would maintain the friendship but nobody’s reaching out.

The Ugly: Total. Friendship. Shutdown.

Sorry girl, but you’re kinda screwed. If your guy friend is scared of commitment or relationships, there’s a really good shot that he’ll run for the hills (even if he does have feelings). The best advice in this annoying and painful situation is to simply back off. Do whatever you can to avoid him. We get it, the only person you want to talk to about this is him, but give him some time to blow some steam off and forget about it. Something a little more toxic—if he’s not a long distance bestie—is to show him you’re worth having feelings for. Act your best, look your best, and even tease him a little by hanging out with his friends on a different level.

The friendship shutdown might also happen if you think it’s mutual, so you hook up, but he wants nothing more than that. Like, now it’s just awkward. You’ve been emotional and physical with each other—all the markings of a relationship, right? You broke down the sexual tension and crossed what you thought was an uncharted threshold, and now you don’t know how to act, because he isn’t acting

words: Rhea Srivastava | design: Vivian Yang

Let’s face it: we all say sorry too much. From accidentally bumping into someone on campus to receiving an unwanted text from a guy, we find ourselves apologizing for just about everything. In fact, studies have shown that women apologize more often than men, even when they haven’t actually done anything that warrants an apology. Guys bump into each other and say, “Watch it, man.” Girls yawn near a guy and say, “I am so sorry.” Sorry for what? For taking a breath? For being tired? I didn’t realize either of those things were socially unacceptable.

Well, for starters, we’re all just too nice. As college girls, we’re often socialized to be nurturing and accommodating. We’re taught to put others’ needs before our own and to avoid conflict at all costs, and saying sorry just feels like the polite thing to do. We don’t want the backlash that comes from being assertive… the label that we are “bossy” or “controlling.”

And then there are the boys—the boyfriends, the boy friends, the situationships—who think we’re the ones who are going to fold first and apologize. We know we shouldn’t and shouldn’t have to, but if we don’t, the next thing we know, they’re telling their friends we’re rude and high-maintenance. I guess I’m just an unapologetic bitch, but you should never be apologizing for not responding to his text within four minutes, or being too busy to see him, or even for blowing him off when your bestie is in crisis (hoes before bros, always).

Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with apologizing when you’ve actually done something wrong. It’s an important part of taking responsibility for your actions and showing empathy. But here’s the thing: constantly saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault is not only annoying but can actually undermine your own confidence and self-worth, not to mention that it reinforces harmful gender stereotypes. Sometimes, we even start our sentences with the word “Sorry.” And that immediately takes away any authority we have. So how do we break the habit?

First, we all need to be more mindful of our language. Instead of saying “I’m sorry” for every little thing, try using phrases like “excuse me” or “thanks” instead. It might seem like a small change, but it can make a big difference in how you’re perceived by others. So, next time you need to squeeze past that random, semi-cute frat boy, say, “Excuse me,” and not, “Sorry!” Trust me. It’ll make you sound more confident and show him you’re a badass, not a damsel in distress. You might find it an empowering experience.

Secondly, practice a little self-compassion. It’s great that you want to be considerate of others, but remember that it’s just as important to be kind to yourself. So if you catch yourself saying sorry for no reason, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes. You don’t need to apologize for simply existing.

Last but not least, set some boundaries. It’s time to stop being so damn agreeable all the time. We’re in college—we’re constantly being pulled in a million different directions. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, and it’s okay to tell people to back off when they’re crossing a line. Practice setting boundaries in your personal and professional lives so that you don’t feel like you need to apologize for asserting your needs and wants. You don’t need to be sorry for asking a classmate for the notes you missed, telling your friend you need a mental health day, or even asking your professor for an extension. Most of all, you don’t need to apologize for prioritizing your own well-being and happiness.

There you have it—it’s time to stop apologizing for everything under the sun. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s a journey worth taking. We’re entitled to our own needs, wants, and desires, and we don’t owe anyone an apology for that. So, let’s start being more assertive, more confident, and more unapologetically ourselves.

For a lot of us, hearing the phrase “guilty pleasure” immediately makes us think of food. Whether it be our favorite sweet treat, a late night Grubhub order, or a snack you were never allowed to have as a kid, what we allow (and don’t allow) ourselves to eat can be all-consuming. In college, we have complete control over our diets for the first time, which leads to new food fears: the “freshman 15,” processed dining hall meals, only being able to afford fast food…all while wanting to look and feel our best.

Carly Weinstein is an NYC based creator known for her infectious energy, relatable GRWMs, and inspirational body positivity content. Between hosting a podcast, dating in the city, and collabing with some of our favorite brands, Carly was kind enough to share her experiences with food guilt, eating disorders, and navigating body insecurities in the world of social media.

CH: start by giving us a little bit of a background into your history with food guilt and eating disorders…

CW: So I grew up as a competitive gymnast, so I feel like I was always surrounded by, like health and fitness, like those kinds of undertones. And my family raised me in, like a very, like, in that kind of environment. So I always had, like, a weird relationship with food, like all through High school. And then I developed a kind of restriction binge cycle

WEINSTEIN

TikTok’s Carly Weinstein talks overcoming food fears.