DAY IN THE LIFE OF A SERIAL DATER

The constant desire of the chase, the curiosity of wanting to try something new, and the possible fear of being alone. This may sound similar whether we know this person or we are this person. In this case, we are talking about the high-rolling emotions of being a serial dater. Although I am not a serial dater, I wanted to gain a better understanding, and I have interviewed multiple students on campus about why they serial date and how they felt when falling victim to a serial dater.

For many serial daters, there has been a consistent theme of loving the chase and exploring more about others’ identities. When interviewing a male student on campus, he elaborated by stating; “The chase is fun because you have to explore a new unknown and try to learn as you go along. It keeps you on your toes which is exciting. The payoff at the end is also greater when you were never sure if you’d get there with this person.” This statement encompasses the risk and reward of internal competition within ourselves to exceed our expectations with someone we believe is highly desirable. In this factor, serial dating can often be an ego boost for the person involved, yet have the risk of hurting the people we are dating who are unaware or ignoring the fact that their partner is a serial dater. In this realization, many serial daters are open about their habits of quickly diving into relationships, but when do they admit it to their partner? How do you diffuse a situation to someone that it’s not as serious as you want it to be?

Throughout my interviews about serial dating, I consistently wondered about the person they were dating and how they dated a serial dater.

Did this spark jealousy? Insecurity?

When interviewing a collective of female students who fell victim to serial daters, they mentioned although they knew the guy they were with was a serial dater, they still felt used as a hookup buffer between their serious relationships. As a result, creating harm when displayed with the hope of girlfriend treatment, but feeling used as a casual hookup. I was finally able to get an inside look at a girl on campus who realized she was a serial dater and was able to reflect. When asked why she had serial dates she answered; “I think I serial date because I like having male attention and someone to always be there that’s a guy. I pretty much grew up around all males so I’m used to having maleoriented advice and I also find guys much more chill about a lot of situations.” From the POV of a female serial dater we understand the motives of seeking male validation and feeling relatable to the thought process of men on campus who do not want to turn a casual hookup into a romantic connection. She believed the reward is the obvious consistent and almost immediate access to someone while having the potential risk of becoming romantically attached.

Serial dating is exhilarating and fun in the moment. Once it goes on for too long we feel our attachments to our temporary lovers become draining and boring at the same time when we need to find another exciting source. I found more men than women on campus to be serial daters, but, can also see how similar girls feel when they also admit to serial dating. Double standards fall when men easily admit to serial dating since it is seen as a flex whereas girls may have a harder time admitting to serial dating to avoid being seen as slutty or immoral. Serial dating is like gambling; we find a thrill in the possibility of winning but have to face a heavy hit when we realize we look at our cards and realize we have gone broke at the table.

words: Ali Rosenberg |design: Elizabeth Wolf

Coming to Syracuse last fall without any close girl-friends from high school was completely nerve-racking. I didn’t know what to expect, especially since I was starting completely and utterly fresh. Would I be peer pressured into doing things that I didn’t want to do? This is the question that is the most pressing… and this idea lingers in every 18-year-old girl’s head before beginning this new daunting chapter.

Although it’s not talked about enough, every single teenage girl coming to college has not the slightest idea of what to expect. Everyone is filled with anticipation and doesn’t want to hurt their pride in making an effort to be someone’s friend. The barrier between college friendships is peer pressure, and not quite knowing how to steer clear of those who might not have your best interest at heart is arguably one of the hardest tasks when making friends.

Teenage girls yearn for the feeling of validation, to know that their new friends in college are as invested in the friendship as they are. With this being said, there are so many signs to navigate feeling peer pressured, and essentially, how to avoid it. Having the strength to say ‘no’, is the best thing you can do in these specific situations, however, not everyone feels comfortable doing this.

As a college student, we are immersed in a variety of new environments that will push us out of our comfort zone, but not all of them can be considered good things. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s good to try these new things. But especially as a freshman, chances are that you will be put in situations that might be out of your comfort zone, and perhaps dangerous.

Part of being a college freshman is learning about these new experiences and knowing that peer pressure does carry a negative connotation. Many of the stigmas surrounding peer pressure in college are in relation to alcohol, drugs, and sexual interactions. While these instances have the potential to be dangerous, sometimes pushing yourself out of your comfort zone helps you come closer to discovering yourself. Embracing this is how you will be able to take advantage of the remainder of your college experience.

The most important thing to remember when approaching these situations is to stay true to yourself. Being able to ask yourself: “Would I be doing this if I weren’t surrounded by this particular person/group of people?” is the first step. If the answer to this question is no, then you might want to reconsider whether these people are actually your friends.

If you are battling with whether this person is really adding value to your life as you are constantly finding yourself in these types of situations, try being open and telling them how you feel. It’s really difficult to be able to distance yourself from people that you deem as your friend. But when you think about it, would your genuine friend want you to be put in a situation where you feel unsafe and anxious? A genuine friendship is not supposed to make you feel nervous awaiting the next time you’re together.

Once you find your people in college, it is one of the most relieving feelings. Having people that will love and support you, and not put you in uncomfortable situations, is the most valuable aspect of a friendship, and it’s something that you will cherish forever. Friends that encourage you to be the best version of yourself are how to thrive in college, and finding it definitely takes time.

From body shaping techniques of the past, to enhancing our sexuality and femininity in the future.

words: Emily Bruck | design: Samantha Fuss, Elizabeth Wolf

When Miss Daphne Bridgerton entered the screen on the pilot episode of Bridgerton, an iconic COVIDera Netflix original, it was impossible to keep our eyes off her. She, like many fictional symbols of royalty and beauty, had charisma to her unlike any other. Most strikingly, she never failed to make the 19th-century royal gown somehow both graceful and sexy. As I was consistently humbled by my Netflix pop-up of ‘are you still watching?’ I realized the return of a fashion trend I had always associated with body dysmorphia and female sex objectification: corsets.

But Daphne, who resisted the idea of objectification and was undoubtedly different, brought a newer, more progressive meaning to the corset. Resisting an organized marriage, and standing her ground to the men in her life, she made the corset the assumed closet of a confident and powerful woman. Following this TV show, and even before, we’ve seen the corset trend everywhere. We’ve seen corsets published in Vogue in 2022, in New York Fashion Week 2023, and flooding Amazon storefronts of influencers.

Corsets are a layered discussion, about their controversial past, to their potentially empowering future. So, first, I will lay out a simple history outline of our new closet essentials. Corsets are commonly known to have surfaced in the 16th century, starting as a “sleeveless bodice” that shaped the body, compressing the hips (Vogue). This began the desirability of the hourglass silhouette figure, which tightly strung corsets achieved, even at the expense of women’s health and wellness.

In the 19th century, when corsets were at their height, the conversation regarding their effects on the body began (Vogue). It makes sense to imagine that an aggressively tightened bodice would hinder lung volume and potentially damage internal organs. But women did what was expected of them; and this was, among other expectations, to symbolize modesty, and simultaneously conform to the most desirable body type that had no imperfections, in order to gain validation from men.

Despite their rocky history, there are reasons that corsets have maintained a presence and even resurfaced recently. As Vogue’s history states, designers such as Vivienne Westwood brought a new meaning to corsets in the 1970s, emphasizing female empowerment rather than male validation and body morphing.

And this brings us to the present day. Corset-style trends are ever-present in the media, entertainment industry, and shopping culture. We all know the iconic urban corset, which now has countless Amazon dupes. We all see the influencers on our pages, publicizing the return of the royal-looking lace-up corset. Longline corsets have resurfaced to accompany low-waisted items, boosting a “vintage girl” aesthetic and bringing back fashion from the past.

Although the narrative of corsets is currently attempting to shift from female binding to female empowerment, corsets’ dark history cannot disappear overnight. Corset tops continue to suck the body in and accentuate features, even if made with elastic materials. Although they have the ability to be worn casually, such as over big T-shirts, they are definitely in our going-out closets. So, despite the shift in corset culture’s meaning, corsets seem to continue to be body-shaping techniques, as well as a symbol of our femininity and sexuality.

What’s important is that we as women who fall victim to the quick cycle of fashion trends wear what makes us feel best. We have the ability to give new narratives to pieces and trends that may have a history. And luckily, there is no better time than now to wear what makes you confident and comfortable and rewrite our past.

Not always shiny happy people. words: Hannah Karlin | design: Samantha Fuss words: Julia Short | design: Elizabeth Wolf

I am not a fan of insincerity. I find it wasteful within a life so precious and rapid. However, at times I contradict such a mentality through my smile. I do it to please my superiors, my peers, and sadly, myself.

Fake smiling is my manipulation. Along with my worn jeans and fitted top, I put one on when I feel dull but want to appear lively, euphoric, and sincere. As I get complimented on my joyful essence, I sit and think. If only they knew the effort put into this outfit.

I’ll look in the mirror on my desk and force the muscle movement. I become alarmed when I notice this occurrence. I wonder why I do it. Who is there to impress? Who is there to witness this? I guess I do it to remind myself that I’m okay because positive thoughts, alone, aren’t convincing enough.

I attribute this manipulation to the people pleasers (myself included). We project a sense of constant happiness and control to satisfy others. “How has your day been? Month? Year?” “Great!” we say, with our teeth grinding behind a fake smile. We have been conditioned to appear that continuously happy.

When caught in this cycle, we forget the true nature of a smile. It’s when we can’t prevent its formation. When everything just seems lighter and warm. For me, it’s the minimal things. It’s the text from my friend wishing me good luck. It’s the snowflakes outside the beautiful kitchen window. It’s the thought of my potential and future.

How do we achieve a pure smile? We must embrace our emotions and realize that we cannot force such. We have a right to be unsatisfied. We have a right to be sad. Life is a beautiful mixture of joy, surprise, interest, sadness, anger, and fear. While they emerge at different times, a baseline of contentment is crucial to balance such and indulge in the good when it arrives.

Then, we must continue to immerse ourselves in activities and with people that propel our happiness. Discovering areas of satisfaction leads to a newfound appreciation. For me, it’s knowing I’ve improved the dance skills of my youth. It’s seeing my name published beneath an article. It’s the deep connection I have with friends. These are my reasons to truly smile.

The benefit of forgoing our fake smiles is an acceptance of ourselves. It’s learning to embrace serious and tranquil sides of ourselves-the traits we consider less charming. It’s also realizing that we radiate genuineness, within conversations and thoughts, through this self-acceptance.

Despite such tactics, there is no set formula. All we can do is maintain our aspiration to live a life full of sincere emotion and passion. This doesn’t mean we can’t “smile for the camera,” but instead continue to remain mindful of our deception.

Today, I don’t have to put on a smile with the rest of my outfit, as much. It is an accomplishment that engulfs me with pride and brings about authenticity to my being.

When I think of manipulation, the first things that come to mind are lies, gaslighting, and being played. However, people commonly associate manipulation with relationships and dating. Unfortunately, I am admittedly one of the many people in this world who has fallen victim to manipulation… because what is a situationship without it? But I have to say, the hardest pill to swallow is acknowledging that you could be manipulated, whether that be in a relationship, a situation, or even changing the way you think.

Growing up in an age where everything is posted on social media has been humbling, to say the least. Comparing ourselves to Instagram models and celebrities that have had their photos professionally photoshopped has evolved to become the norm, and has fueled a variety of issues for young people growing up in this digital era.

I have to say that I am grateful that I grew up in a time when electronics and social media had little effect on my social life. Kids in this day and age rely so heavily on electronic devices and social media that no one fully knows how to navigate this. 8-year-old girls are dressing in high heels and applying high-end beauty products because they are exposed to them on social media. Even my 9-year-old cousin posts “get ready with me” videos on TikTok and judging by the products she uses, she definitely has more money in her bank account than me.

In this age, no one can quite grasp what’s real and what’s fake. We live in a time where if you want to change the shape of your nose in an Instagram post, you can. Or if you didn’t like how small your boobs looked in that same post, you could enhance them. The problem is that when these 8 or 9-yearold girls see this on social media, this is the standard they believe they have to live up to. This goes beyond looking for the newest products to use, it affects how these young girls will perceive the definition of beauty and femininity.

I think it’s super reasonable to say that one of the fakest friendships one has is with social media. Even before the age of social media, print media could be considered just as toxic as social media is today. As someone who watched every single one of Britney Spears’ music videos at 8 years old, I think it’s safe to say that I will always be a Britney girl. However, as much as I love her, it pains me to think about the way the media portrayed her for years while she was at the peak of her career.

Simply put, the media made the majority of the world believe that Britney Spears was batshit crazy for years. Headlines detailing “Britney’s Breakdown” or “Help Me” were posted across the front pages of magazines like People and US Weekly putting her character into question and having the public perceive her as this “crazy party girl” who couldn’t handle herself. The media was hyper-fixated and overly critical of Britney and her life, and ultimately showed her as something that she wasn’t.

Fast forward to today, we know a lot of her side of the story when it comes to those years of her career. Documentaries about Britney’s life and her conservatorship have come out in recent years and the media has gotten a lot of backlash concerning the coverage of her mothering style, dating life, and mental health in the early 2000s. The media was relentless, and they still do have the ability and power to twist narratives. The media can and always will be manipulative at the expense of others.

Don’t get me wrong, I love using social media just as much as the next person. But as I graduate college and move on to the next chapter of my life, I think we need to be more conscious of what we post and what we consume. After all, the media won’t be going away any time soon and we need to learn how to handle it.

words: Britney Kirwan | design: Catie Haugen

At one point or another we’ve all heard our mothers or grandmothers say things like, “When I was in my prime…” or “ Wear that dress while you still can!” It’s been ingrained in our minds from a young age that once we find a single gray hair on our heads or a wrinkle on our faces, our lives are downhill from there. But why?! Why have we young girls been manipulated into thinking that we have expiration dates?!

I have always been excited to get older, and was always told that once you are older, you’ll wish you were younger. I’ll admit, being a kid who had no clue what was going on or didn’t have to worry about anything was a much simpler time, but I still would not wish to go back and be any younger than I am right now. Every year I learn more about myself and how the world works. I look up to women who are older than me because I know they hold much more knowledge and wisdom that I will only be able to have as I age. Age shouldn’t be something to hide, but something to embrace. Vintage wines are savored while vintage clothing is coveted, so why is it different for us as women? A 25-year-old should not have to be told that in another 25 years, she will be invisible no matter her successes.

We have anti-aging creams and botox marketed towards us in order to get rid of the lines around our eyebrows and mouths (a.k.a laughter lines). We should not have to worry about our happiness turning us “ugly”. We hold so much more value than our age or how “youthful” we look at the age of 60. Despite what society and the media have told us our whole lives, it is completely possible to live a happy, healthy, or even better life past our twenties. There’s so much more that goes into our lives than what’s seen on the surface. Aging should be seen as a privilege that not everyone will be able to experience, sadly. We need to change our mindsets and be grateful for the opportunity to be here another day and age in order to have a long, beautiful life.

words: Aviya Garg | design: Revati Mahurkar

Jealousy. Why does she have what I want? Why is he dating her and not me? Why is hair and make up always perfect? Why can’t I be like her?

Is it actually jealousy that’s going through your head? What if it’s envy? Up until a couple of years ago, I was unable to differentiate the two. It took time, but learning what each feels like to me helped me process them more smoothly.

Jealousy derives from acts of comparison. Those friends who say “Oh me? I don’t get jealous.” As young adults, It’s almost impossible to not compare yourself, your career or your social media, to somebody else’s. Sometimes, it’s entirely subconscious. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and pretending you’re made of steel isn’t going to make it disappear.

Try framing it like this: you’re not jealous, you’re experiencing jealous feelings. Luckily, there are a few ways to make jealousy your bitch. First, take it back to its source. Ask yourself, what part of the situation you’re really jealous about. Next, zoom out. Is this going to matter in days? Weeks? Years?

The truth is, jealousy often has a short life span. Before you know it, you’ll be looking back on that moment and forgetting what it was you were even so hung up on. Until then, practice turning that feeling of jealousy into a positive motivation. Who said you can’t have what they have, too?

Now let’s talk about jealousy’s little sister: envy. Envy derives from the feeling that you’re missing a quality, whether material or personal, that someone else has. You might have thoughts like: when will my dream come true? When will an offer letter show up in my inbox? If it seems like everyone around you is having success, it’s hard not to wonder: what’s wrong with me?

When you see others around you getting the things you’ve been yearning for, it’s hard not to fall into a negative mindset. If something is meant to be, it will be. Everything happens for a reason. Although your path may not make sense in the moment, you’ll eventually look back with appreciation for why things fell into place the way that they did.

The jealous and envious feelings you process are nothing to be ashamed of. It is beneficial to know how to decipher them when they arise. You owe it to yourself to actually know how you feel. Take time to sit with these feelings, be kind and non-judgemental towards yourself, and practice reframing the situation in its positive aspects.

Lessons learned from fake friends. words: Waverly Brannigan | design: Molly Irland

There’s nothing worse than feeling your lifelong friends drifting away. It’s easy to romanticize small town life, but eventually the drawbacks of knowing the same people forever overtake the narrative. Loving your home is natural because it’s your roots. You know all the ins and outs of what goes on– but the true epidemic of a small town is the manipulative reality of fake friends.

Growing up with the same people has pros and cons. You could find lifelong best friends–if you’re lucky. If you’re not so lucky, you’re in for a rude awakening. You’ll probably start to notice drifting from your friends during high school. They’ll try to cover it up, of course. They’ll blame it on your curfew, because you’re not “outgoing” enough, or just blatantly lie. The worst part is, they’re all you’ve got. You can’t find new friends, because there’s nobody else. This begins the lose-lose cycle of fake friendships, but seeing their true colors was always a blessing in disguise. When the lack of communication, exclusion, and drifting begins and you realize your friends are becoming fake, you can pinpoint how they exhibit these newfound qualities. To highlight a few:

I. The Exploiter: This person only reaches out when they need something. You catch on, but you try to hold on to the friendship in vain and give them what they’re looking for. This repeats until you’re doing all their dirty work for them. Friendship must be a two way street– if you’re the only person working to keep it alive, it’s not fair to you.

II. The Kill ‘Em With Kindness: At first, you won’t even know this person doesn’t want you around. They’re the last one keeping you linked to the group and you’re honestly thankful. They give you that last ray of hope–until you put the rest of the puzzle together and the rest of the group overpowers the remaining sympathy.

III. The Flake: This person is flaky, but not in an innocent way. They see you at the grocery store or crossing the street and they stop you– “OMG, hey! I’ve missed you, we have to hang out!” When this first happens, it’s exciting. You think you’re finally going to get invited, but you never actually hear from them. Then, you see them again– and the cycle continues.

IV. The Complete Disconnect: Arguably the worst, this is the person you have known every single day of your life who just disappears. It’s been forever since you’ve last talked, and you only keep up through Instagram posts. Once upon a time, you were best friends. Now, you’re acquaintances from the “good old days” at best, and strangers at worst.

Believe it or not, those friendships aren’t the end all, be all. The cold hard truth is that fake friendships were always meant to fade. Don’t drop your hometown friends for no reason, but learn to let go of people that began drifting out of your life a long time ago. People enter and exit your life for a reason, and sometimes this is to show you what a good friend isn’t (or, what one is).

College is the perfect window to find new, real friends. Unfortunately, this can be challenging because your fake friends manipulated you into being hesitant and doubtful. Those people can’t continue to undermine you from a world away, so commit to building strong friendships.

Start by reconnecting with people. Everyone’s in the same boat– making friends is a critical part of reshaping yourself in college, so give others the benefit of the doubt. You’ve escaped the miniscule sample of people from home, and your excellent “radar” for fake people makes you smarter about making friends.

Everything having fake friends taught you has given you the advantage. Your fake friends are the type to have peaked in high school (sorry not sorry). But you’re free and have the power to find your people. Turn to those who radiate kindness and fully accept you. Let go of any insecurities fake friends forced on you and trust your instincts. At the end of the day, you’re truly better off and now have every opportunity to thrive. So, this isn’t a hate letter for fake friends, but rather a thank you for proving there’s so much better out there.