University Girl Spring 2023: "Guilty Pleasures"

BEING A PLEASURE TO HAVE IN CLASS

HOW TO FLIRT WITH STRANGERS

SPRING 2023

FOLLOWING YOUR OWN GAZE DAY IN THE LIFE OF A SERIAL DATER

SURVIVING FADING FRIENDSHIPS

SPRING 2023

EDITORS IN CHIEF

CREATIVE DIRECTORS

DESIGN DIRECTORS

SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTORS

SUPERVISING EDITOR

DIGITAL DIRECTORS

MANAGING EDITOR ASST. MANAGING EDITORS GRAPHIC DESIGN ASSTS.

Britney Kirwan, Vivian Yang

Samantha Fuss, Rhea Srivastava

Catie Haugen, Elizabeth Wolf

Chloe Hechter, Chloe Weinstein

Phoebe Block

Kylie Gorsky, Kari Marvel

Julia Short

Gianna Davis, Rachel Musman

Alexa Austin, Anna Bayly, Anna Cabell, Eve Delaney, Abby Galrao, Molly Irland, Lauren Katsanos, Jackie Levasseur, Dana

Levine, Revati Mahurkar, Katie McHugh, Sydney Neidell, Haley Segal, Alana Spiro, Cindy Zhang

PR MANAGERS PR ASSTS.

MERCHANDISING DIRECTOR

PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR

VIDEO DIRECTOR EXTERNAL DIRECTORS STYLIST COPY EDITORS STYLE FEEL GOOD POP CULTURE COLLEGE LIFE IN THE NEWS

Aviya Garg, Jenna Lopes

Tal Ben Ari, Jamie Bloom

Emily Bruck

Sophie Walter

Richard Wiesmann

Danielle Luing, Sahitya Sampathkumar

Kate Bartoletti

Becca Carr, Hannah Karlin

Lindsey Lu

Katie Armlin, Gianna Lanfrank

Hannah Abbott, Julia Paperny

Tali Beres, Waverly Brannigan

Claire Samstag

EDITORS IN CHIEF

There is no denying the thrill of indulging in your guilty pleasures. It leaves you feeling euphoric, impatiently longing for the next time. There are no right and wrongs when it comes to what makes you feel good. It looks different for everyone. For some, it looks like binge-watching The White Lotus in one sitting. And for some, it seems like manipulating others to feed their lack of sense of self. The list can go on and on. Guilty pleasures make us who we are, and this spring, we are no longer hiding our guilty pleasures but embracing them.

When I think of guilty pleasure, I think of when I was thirteen at Justice. You were the it girl if you owned a top from Justice. Justin Bieber blasting in the background and the overused peace signs slapped on every cutout shirt- it’s a dream. I remember I had my eyes on a sparkly pink top, and I did whatever it took to sway my mom to make the purchase. And, that’s how I became a top-notch manipulator. Lol, jk. Or am I? The persuasion was not easy, but I knew the compliments would be worth it. Even at a young age, validation from others shaped my decisions. While it’s healthy from those you love, it gets concerning when you’re depleting your authenticity for an envious gaze.

As I navigate the beautiful and messy reality of being in my twenties- I find that my experience at Justice translates seamlessly into adulthood. Temptation, validation, and manipulation is still very much present in my life. I’m always in the tussle of doing what I think is “right” and “wrong.” I want to dedicate this issue to the struggles that feel so universal and relatable to all. Let this encourage you to no longer hide but embrace everything that makes you who you are.

personal discussion of academic validation. I hope it comforts all who can relate— lastly, the dramatic and powerful spreads of manipulation. This vision paid tribute to all the girls who had been played. Honestly, this is my revenge. Inspired by marionette puppets, we took power back.

Every spread of this magazine reflects a unique voice. University Girl Magazine is a creative democracy- we stayed up all night and explored new places together. Most importantly, we listened to each other. We work from a place of passion, learning, and understanding. Nothing would have been possible without my partner, Britney Kirwan, and the incredible creative team, Samantha Fuss and Rhea Srivastava. I will always admire Sophie Walter’s craft in photography. Their artistic abilities animate the magazine. Of course, the entire executive team’s creative visions and impeccable work ethic is truly unmatched.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank University Girl Magazine, especially Chloe Hechter, for trusting me to become the Editor-In-Chief. I also want to thank Samantha Fuss for taking a chance on me as a graphic designer freshman year. I would go back to learning how to package an InDesign file in a heartbeat. I wish I were kidding, this publisher was why I committed to Syracuse University. My time here has pushed my creative boundaries and encouraged me to pursue my ambition of becoming an art director. Thank you to everyone who made this an unforgettable issue - writers, editors, directors, designers, stylists, photographers, and social & PR teams. Each of you has made a huge impact on my life, and I will cherish this experience forever.

So, let’s end on this note: why do you feel guilty doing what you love?

we

In the temptation section, we created the most whimsical shoot, inspired by Adam & Eve. Think magical free spirits basking in the spring sunshine, it’s a dream. Then, we turn to the most adorable spreads- the validation shoot. Mixing coquette ballet core with a childhood princess aesthetic, we are bringing the inner child to life. Here, you will find a

It’s hard to believe that I’m sitting here writing this letter, let alone for a second time. However, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. Being Editor-In-Chief (E-I-C) means more to me than just being in charge. Before attending Syracuse University, it was always hard for me to find like-minded people and I never felt like I had anyone who understood me and my creativity. The way I wanted to express myself was not typical of where I’m from and a part of me always felt like I was different. Once I joined University Girl something clicked instantly. All of a sudden I was in a room full of girls who “spoke the same language” as me and I felt as though I could express myself in ways that I had always wanted to. Because of UGirl, I began to write about things that interested me and allowed me to break out of my comfort zone. From being afraid to pitch an idea for an article out of fear of being judged to running the magazine as a whole wasn’t just something that happened overnight. It was through the magazine and the friends I’ve made while being in it that have made all of the difference. Being E-I-C means stepping up and being the person that helps other girls grow with confidence and break out of their comfort zones just like the E-I-C’s before had helped me do.

Our Spring ‘23 issue is all about Guilty Pleasures, which means something different to everyone. To some people, it has to do with validation, temptation, or manipulation.

In our validation section (pg. 7-16), we explore the ways in which validation is present in our lives. It could come from getting good grades, to our physical appearance, and our everyday relationships. Things that we feel we need to be validated can be healthy, but oh boy can it be unhealthy. Our Validation shoot (pg. 7-8) is meant to portray inner child validation. By validating your inner child, one can improve the relationship they have with themselves.

Moving on, our temptation section (pg. 1729) talks about everything from last year’s tempting situationship to battling temptations with food and body image. We wanted

to convey this concept in our photoshoot (pg. 17-22) by conveying a modern-day Adam and Eve. We’ve all been tempted by something, and we all can relate to this shoot in one way or another.

Our last section is all about manipulation (pg. 30-38). It’s definitely not uncommon for us college girls to say that we have experienced this at one point or another. The ways in which people have manipulated us as well as the media. We’ve been told by a young age that our looks are what make us worthy. But I’m here to say that that can’t be far enough away from the truth. Our Manipulation shoot (pg. 31-34) portrays more of a manipulative relationship. It can all be seen by the girl trying to control the boy through puppet strings, while he looks helpless and gives in.

For this issue, I of course want to thank my Co-Editor-In-Chief, , for helping make this magazine come to life. I want to thank our Creative Directors, Samantha Fuss and Rhea Srivastava our Photography Director, Sophie Walter and our queen of Social Media, Chloe Hechter. I would also like to extend my thanks to Aviya Garg, Jenna Lopes, Kylie Gorsky, Kari Marvel, Phoebe Block, Chloe Weinstein, Julia Short, Gianna Davis, Rachel Musman, Emily Bruck, Rebecca Carr, Hannah Karlin, and Kate Bartolleti. Also, a huge thank you to Elizabeth Wolf Catie Haugen for the design of this issue. I have had the most amazing experiences running this magazine and all I can really say is “Thank you.”

Xx,

Srivastava, , and

BritneyKirwan

Kirwan

Social Media Director Chloe Weinstein

Social Media Director Chloe Hechter

Design Director Catie Haugen

Design Director Elizabeth Wolf

Creative Director Rhea Srivastava

Creative Director Samantha Fuss

Supervising Editor Phoebe Block

Photography Director Sophie Walter

Managing Editor Julia Short

Asst. Managing Editor Gianna Davis

PR Manager Aviya Garg

Merchandising Director Emily Bruck

Copy Editor Becca Carr

Asst. Managing Editor Rachel Musman

PR Manager Jenna Lopes Digital Director Kari Marvel

Digital Director Kylie Gorsky

Stylist Kate Bartoletti

Copy Editor Hannah Karlin

1 Staud Tommy Beaded Bag Acid Swirl ($295) | 2 Rare Beauty Soft Pinch Liquid Blush in Happy ($23) | 3 Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn ($12 Paperback) | 4 Adidas Campus 00s Dark Green/ Cloud White ($110) | 5 Free People Come As You Are Denim Maxi Skirt ($118) | 6 Apple Airpods Max Silver ($549) | 7 Necessaire The Body Wash ($25) | 8 Replica When the Rain Stops Perfume ($160, 100mL) | 9 Glossier Lidstar in Lily ($18) | 10 Summer Fridays Lip Balm Vanilla ($24) | 11 Refy Brow Sculpt Shape and Hold Gel ($24)

design: Catie Haugen

models: Grace Choi, Caroline Nolan, Julia Unger

photos: Sophie Walter design: Elizabeth Wolf

UGIRL 8

o, you’re getting eyed up and down by a stranger on a Saturday night in the middle of your favorite going out spot. You lock eyes, you’re captivated by their body language…what next?

There’s nothing more exciting than flirting with people you’ve never met before; it makes you feel special or careless.

It’s easy to overthink and wonder what’s going to happen next, but living in the moment is what matters. You could cascade into an emotional vortex of distress, insecurity, and panic. Whether older, younger, or your age, your emotions are justified. But why should you care? You have nothing to lose. Literally nothing. Okay, maybe he could be your future husband, but like I said – live in the moment. When you’re single, it’s a rewarding rite of passage to play the game.

when flirting. How is someone going to stay interested in you if you don’t even seem at all fascinated?

but to an extent. Have them think this is an everyday occurrence for you. Sit back, enjoy the show, and see what they got.

There is nothing more attractive than having a quality personality. Look up from what you are doing and give everything you have to offer. Nobody wants to waste their time on someone who is avoiding conversation, looking away, or overall acting uninterested. But be careful there’s a difference between someone who is nice and someone who is kind. If someone is being nice in the moment, it doesn’t mean that they will be kind forever. It’s okay to flirt with the friendly stranger, but that’s all it is: flirting. No strings, just fun. The minute you get attached is the moment you lose the game.

Bold is the way to go. Break the ice and get personal. Ask questions about them whether it’s what they do for a living, what they like to do for fun, or about their family and friends. It’s not something that needs to be overthought, if you’re trying to talk to them it can be any topic from the weather to what they ate for lunch. Also, tell or ask them what you are thinking about. Is this gonna go somewhere? Like my apartment down the block?

It’s not only about the conversation. Start dancing with them, smile, or ask to get a drink. If you’re brave, the ball is in your court where they will be more nervous than you and attempt to come up with more conversation starters.

Have your body faced towards theirs as an invitation to talk and get closer. It would be a little unnatural if you were three feet away from each other or yelling across the bar (unless of course you are an expert in the art of crazy strong eye contact). The green light is on when you accidentally brush your arm against them or give any reason to touch them; the tension is hot and you just want to get up close and personal. Leaning in during a conversation shows you’re giving your full attention and interest, which is crucial

Practice makes perfect. It would be harder to flirt with people that you haven’t met before, than to flirt with people you’re already comfortable with. While flirting with the stranger, imagine that this is someone you don’t feel judged by. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up dating your best friend.

If I was flirting with someone, yes, I would also think it’s cute if they were nervous,

There are always going to be those moments where you don’t know what to do. However, you are unique and exceptional. They’re the ones missing out on YOU. It’s better to spend time with the people who want your company, instead of trying for the ones who don’t. Whether it makes you feel better or not, you don’t need the attention from someone else to satisfy yourself.

*wink*

words: Julia Paperny | design: Elizabeth Wolf

FUCKING UP THE FRIENDSHIP

Should you hookup with your guy bestfriend?

words: Kylie Gorsky, Chloe Hechter| design: Anna Cabell

Two and a half Whiteclaws and three months of non-voluntary abstinence in, and just like that, you’re hit with a stream of consciousness, unlike anything you’ve experienced before: you’re wondering what your actually-sort-of-your-type-whenyou-really-think-about-it friend is like in bed. Well, you’re not alone. Being attracted to your guy best friend is not just a completely normal part of the college experience, but dare we say, an inevitability.

Let’s set the scene. You have this friend, and whether you’ve had him your whole life or you just met him at school, you guys now tell each other anything and everything. Well, what if one late night, or during a casual “bestie” hangout, things get tense. Simply put, When Harry Met Sally said it right: “No man could be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.” I mean, we’ve all seen the study that has assured us that you’re only friends with those you’re attracted to. But before either of you lean in, take caution and consider the future of the friendship…

The Good: It’s mutual.

You’re not necessarily one in a million, but you are a lucky, lucky girl. If it’s mutual and you take a step further with your best guy friend, everything is pretty much smooth sailing. You already know you are comfortable with each other, and there’s no real awkwardness post hook-up. You’ve always had tons to talk about. But there’s one thing that is definitely important to consider: where do you go from here? If things move at a mile a minute, there is a risk that the relationship will end before it even beings. The fight could simply be over

the fact that you want to be on the same page. So basically, TAKE IT SLOW.

The Bad: It’s not mutual, but you’ll still be friends.

What feels worse than somebody not reciprocating feelings? Almost nothing. We know, it’s the absolute worst. What if you make a move and it isn’t reciprocated? Did you just ruin the friendship? Not necissarily. But, if you do have a sit down conversation and explain that you want to continue to be friends, make sure that both of you are making the effort. We swear, things will get really awkward if you both said you would maintain the friendship but nobody’s reaching out.

The Ugly: Total. Friendship. Shutdown.

Sorry girl, but you’re kinda screwed. If your guy friend is scared of commitment or relationships, there’s a really good shot that he’ll run for the hills (even if he does have feelings). The best advice in this annoying and painful situation is to simply back off. Do whatever you can to avoid him. We get it, the only person you want to talk to about this is him, but give him some time to blow some steam off and forget about it. Something a little more toxic—if he’s not a long distance bestie—is to show him you’re worth having

feelings for. Act your best, look your best, and even tease him a little by hanging out with his friends on a different level.

The friendship shutdown might also happen if you think it’s mutual, so you hook up, but he wants nothing more than that. Like, now it’s just awkward. You’ve been emotional and physical with each other—all the markings of a relationship, right? You broke down the sexual tension and crossed what you thought was an uncharted threshold, and now you don’t know how to act, because he isn’t acting

Just shut up and own it.

words: Rhea Srivastava | design: Vivian Yang

Let’s face it: we all say sorry too much. From accidentally bumping into someone on campus to receiving an unwanted text from a guy, we find ourselves apologizing for just about everything. In fact, studies have shown that women apologize more often than men, even when they haven’t actually done anything that warrants an apology. Guys bump into each other and say, “Watch it, man.” Girls yawn near a guy and say, “I am so sorry.” Sorry for what? For taking a breath? For being tired? I didn’t realize either of those things were socially unacceptable.

So, why do we feel the need to say sorry all the time?

Well, for starters, we’re all just too nice. As college girls, we’re often socialized to be nurturing and accommodating. We’re taught to put others’ needs before our own and to avoid conflict at all costs, and saying sorry just feels like the polite thing to do. We don’t want the backlash that comes from being assertive… the label that we are “bossy” or “controlling.”

And then there are the boys—the boyfriends, the boy friends, the situationships—who think we’re the ones who are going to fold first and apologize. We know we shouldn’t and shouldn’t have to, but if we don’t, the next thing we know, they’re telling their friends we’re rude and high-maintenance. I guess I’m just an unapologetic bitch, but you should never be apologizing for not responding to his text within four minutes, or being too busy to see him, or even for blowing him off when your bestie is in crisis (hoes before bros, always).

Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with apologizing when you’ve actually done something wrong. It’s an important part of taking responsibility for your actions and showing empathy. But here’s the thing: constantly saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault is not only annoying but can actually undermine your own confidence and self-worth, not to mention that it reinforces harmful

gender stereotypes. Sometimes, we even start our sentences with the word “Sorry.” And that immediately takes away any authority we have. So how do we break the habit?

First, we all need to be more mindful of our language. Instead of saying “I’m sorry” for every little thing, try using phrases like “excuse me” or “thanks” instead. It might seem like a small change, but it can make a big difference in how you’re perceived by others. So, next time you need to squeeze past that random, semi-cute frat boy, say, “Excuse me,” and not, “Sorry!” Trust me. It’ll make you sound more confident and show him you’re a badass, not a damsel in distress. You might find it an empowering experience.

Secondly, practice a little self-compassion. It’s great that you want to be considerate of others, but remember that it’s just as important to be kind to yourself. So if you catch yourself saying sorry for no reason, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes. You don’t need to apologize for simply existing.

Last but not least, set some boundaries. It’s time to stop being so damn agreeable all the time. We’re in college—we’re constantly being pulled in a million different directions. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, and it’s okay to tell people to back off when they’re crossing a line. Practice setting boundaries in your personal and professional lives so that you don’t feel like you need to apologize for asserting your needs and wants. You don’t need to be sorry for asking a classmate for the notes you missed, telling your friend you need a mental health day, or even asking your professor for an extension. Most of all, you don’t need to apologize for prioritizing your own well-being and happiness.

There you have it—it’s time to stop apologizing for everything under the sun. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s a journey worth taking. We’re entitled to our own needs, wants, and desires, and we don’t owe anyone an apology for that. So, let’s start being more assertive, more confident, and more unapologetically ourselves.

For a lot of us, hearing the phrase “guilty pleasure” immediately makes us think of food. Whether it be our favorite sweet treat, a late night Grubhub order, or a snack you were never allowed to have as a kid, what we allow (and don’t allow) ourselves to eat can be all-consuming. In college, we have complete control over our diets for the first time, which leads to new food fears: the “freshman 15,” processed dining hall meals, only being able to afford fast food…all while wanting to look and feel our best.

Carly Weinstein is an NYC based creator known for her infectious energy, relatable GRWMs, and inspirational body positivity content. Between hosting a podcast, dating in the city, and collabing with some of our favorite brands, Carly was kind enough to share her experiences with food guilt, eating disorders, and navigating body insecurities in the world of social media.

CH: start by giving us a little bit of a background into your history with food guilt and eating disorders…

CW: So I grew up as a competitive gymnast, so I feel like I was always surrounded by, like health and fitness, like those kinds of undertones. And my family raised me in, like a very, like, in that kind of environment. So I always had, like, a weird relationship with food, like all through High school. And then I developed a kind of restriction binge cycle

AN INTERVIEW WITH

WEINSTEIN

TikTok’s Carly Weinstein talks overcoming food fears.

food combatting guilt. CARLY

words: Chloe Hechter | design: Alana Spiro

kind of thing in high school. And so I always struggled with body image and I found that the worse my body image got, the worse my restrict-binge cycles got. And then in college, I developed like a full blown. eating disorder in my junior college, now studying abroad. Those were kind of like the two main times when I really struggled. And then as I got out of college, I kind of really learned intuitive eating a lot more and started to like, learn more about just like foods that I liked and didn’t like and kind of rediscovered food again, but mainly like my entire life. I grew up struggling with food issues.

CH: How did college change your relationship with food? for better or for worse? how did you deal with these patterns and struggles during this time?

CW: College was interesting because it really depended on who I was surrounded by. So, like, in the beginning of college, I had two best friends who literally taught me to have a healthier relationship with food. Like I literally like went into college thinking I was only allowed to eat like half of a portion of everything, and then they were like, you know, you can, like, eat more than that and like, they would like to teach me that you can eat whatever you want, like, have a healthy relationship with exercise and then a couple years later, I had different roommates and they made me have a very unhealthy relationship with food and kind of sent me

into a depression. So I think in college, it really depends on who you’re surrounded by.

CH: The theme of this issue is “guilty pleasures.” How can we change the dialogue surrounding food being a “guilty pleasure” or having guilt for eating certain things?

CW: I just think it’s all about not labeling foods as good or bad. It’s just like all food at the end of the day, it all fuels your body. At the end of the daY and not kind of like realizing there’s food for your body and there’s food for your soul. That’s kind of how I like, talk about guilty pleasures. It’s not like a guilty pleasure. It’s more. It’s for your soul. Like when you’re eating a little too much chocolate or like, when you’re, like, having a slice of chocolate cake, you might not be hungry for it, but it fills you up in a different way and that’s OK. So I think we need to learn that it’s OK to have a balance of both and just to not label things as good or bad, it’s all food at the end of the day.

CH: You’ve been given a platform to share your journey. How has being an influencer impacted your stance on your relationship with food and your body?

CW: I mean, I think it holds me accountable. Like if I wasn’t an influencer and I didn’t have other people kind of like relying on me and saying that I’m helping them and their recovery, I feel like and that’s maybe like. A

weird answer, but I feel like I would slip back into old ways or I would be more likely to slip back into old ways and people hold me accountable for that. And then on the other hand, it’s like dealing with body image. It becomes very difficult being an influencer like I get called fat and stumpy, and there’s a lot of body shaming on the Internet. It makes me want to do even more, like it just motivates me and like, puts more of a fire under me to, like, continue doing what I’m doing.

CH: Do you often find yourself comparing your experience to that of other young women and creators? How do you think we can combat that?

CW: I think no matter what, as a woman, you’re always going to deal with self comparison, especially like in a position that I’m in, where I’m on social media all the time. I think one is like not being on social media constantly because I think so much like comparison happens in person. But I think a lot of it happens because. We’re constantly scrolling and looking at other people and kind of like deep diving into that. Like it’s not just like we’re looking. We’re like, really, like staring for a while. So I think like, just getting off social media, not like making sure you’re, like, limiting your screen time and then also just like surrounding yourself with people that you don’t feel like you need to compare yourself if you have friends that are like super accepting and don’t talk about that like food and body and fitness, you’re not going to find yourself comparing. Like if I had friends who were constantly being competitive with food, I would find that I was comparing myself more, so I think it’s really like who you surround yourself with and like you have control over your environment. So take advantage of that.

CH: What advice would you give your younger self? How can our generation adopt a new mentality about food and our bodies?

CW: the advice I would give to my younger self is to stop obsessing and enjoy because you realize as you get older and this might sound dark, but as you get older, you only have more problems. You only have to deal with more in life. So it’s like when you’re young, when you’re in college and you literally have so

much time to just, like, discover yourself and have fun and like, enjoy that like your body does not determine how much fun you can have. Like, don’t let that like you going on spring break and feeling self-conscious about your body stop you from enjoying every moment because life is short. Like really. We need to be less attached to their bodies, like we need to put less emphasis on body image. Like I think our generation, especially college age and high school age, is just so consumed with looks. And I think the best thing you can do is to realize that there is more to life than how you look and what your body looks like. And that comes back to like, this whole movement of body neutrality instead of body positivity like it’s really about just taking the emphasis off what you look like all the time and realizing that you provide value to this world in different ways. Like I’m being a good person by helping others by being a good family member.

Carly’s insight and positive outlook has given her not only a platform, but a new sense of self-love and comfort in her own skin. She hopes to continue to use her influence to uplift and inspire the next generation of young people to be easier on themselves.

LEARNING TO LET GO

Saying hi to saying bye.

words: Rachel Musman | design: Cindy Zhang

It’s no secret that saying goodbye can be nearly impossible. Gutwrenching and nauseating don’t even begin to describe the feeling, yet somehow it is also liberating. If you are anything like me, A.K.A. an anxious overthinker, learning to just let go may take more than a deep breath. Saying goodbye to anything is difficult, but the process of accepting you need to let go of a relationship, and actually doing so, can take all of your strength.

Starting to think of letting go as gaining something has been worldshifting for me. It is as simple as having the “glass half full” mindset.

Letting go of something that is holding you back isn’t stripping yourself of anything; it’s just giving yourself the best shot at becoming truly happy.

Just like how when your frat sneakers get too dirty, you move on and get a different pair. Learning to move on and get over a relationship that isn’t beneficial to you anymore is the same thing. But then again, it’s no question that saying goodbye to a partner may be slightly more challenging than saying goodbye to your ratty-old Nike Air Forces.

When you’re in a relationship they naturally become involved in your daily routine. You want to get food-you call them. You are out at night-you go where they are. You got a bad coffee from Dunkin-you text them and complain (or maybe I’m just whitney). Your partner

becomes your person. It can be incredibly special and an important part of growing up to experience young love. But if a relationship reaches its expiration date, it can take a toll on you and your partner.

For a while, I knew deep down it was over with my ex. It had gotten to the point where the bad just outweighed the good. When I knew that chapter was coming to an end, I was terrified. I kept holding onto the memories of the good times and burying the gut feeling I had of knowing the end was near. Being so codependent, I noticed I prioritized him over myself. Unlearning how to love someone and letting go of a relationship, even one that is hurting you, is an extremely difficult thing to go through. As much as I was hurt, I had to put things in perspective–I am 20 years old, this is not the end of the world; even though it felt like it. There were so many moments where all I felt was emptiness. But the void where he used to be I eventually filled on my own and with my friends. This didn’t happen overnight. It took time to learn to be secure in myself.

As much as we would all like to have our whole lives figured out, taking a step back and realizing that life is all about finding happiness in the little things, and that the unknown doesn’t have to be scary- it can be empowering. A bad grade, a minor fight with a friend, not getting the internship you wanted; whatever it is, these things suck. But life will go on. Letting go of negative emotions that bring you no good will only be a step in the right direction.

I LOVE ME

Fall in love with yourself first.

words: Tali Beres | design: Catie Haugen

I’ll never forget the first time I decided that I wanted to be in a relationship. I was in 7th grade and had just started to use social media such as Vine and Tumblr, which had a lot of “relationship goals” posts. Seeing aesthetically pleasing videos and photos of in-love-strangers was suddenly intriguing. Consuming this type of media at such an impressionable time in my life didn’t necessarily make me feel pressured to be in a relationship or be intimate with others, but rather instead made me feel as if it was more attainable. I wanted to feel loved and desired. I wanted physical affection and affirmation. I wanted to give that to someone else as I was lonely and felt this would make me happier than I was alone.

At 16, I got into a serious relationship, one on which my self-esteem and confidence both became heavily dependent. The words of affirmation I received created the illusion that I was “fixed,” but it was not someone else’s job to do “fix” me. When we broke up, I lost myself for the first time.

My insecurities resurfaced. Not to mention, I hated being alone. I was reliant on having another person to be the other half of myself. I realized I was lacking a sense of self, as I did not appreciate myself as an individual, but rather part of a pair. And for a while, I blamed him for how I felt rather than

reflecting on how I view myself. For months, all I wanted was to have what I had lost. I was hurting and refused to accept my reality which prevented my healing process. For months to come, I struggled to feel content being on my own. A year later, when I had found someone new and began to find that happiness that I thought I’d lost. When that ended, I was hurt, but not broken. Having gone through this before, I had gotten better at handling this type of loss. Now, my outlook on relationships has shifted completely.

The way that I view my past with intimate relationships is far different than how I viewed them at the time. I used to continuously think to myself when relationships would end, “Why me? Why does this have to be so painful?” And over time, I’ve realized that sometimes things do not happen to us, but rather for us.

In order to have a healthy relationship with someone else, you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself. Self-love is undoubtedly one of the most important things for your well-being, and although I learned this through my heart being tested, the lessons I learned have shaped me into the person I am today.

models: Samirah Crawford, Jade Cyrus, Pedro Mayer, Roman Patrick UGIRL 17

photos: Sophie Walter design: Samantha Fuss

“ she’s a pleasure to have in class.

Always one step ahead, what could possibly go wrong?

words: Vivian Yang | design: Samantha Fuss, Dana Levine

It’s 9:30 in the morning. My legs fight to beat the speed of my racing heart. I try to make my walk to class seem effortless, keeping a straight posture while the unforgivable wind pushes me sideways and backward. One hand holding a large cup of iced coffee, the other shaking uncontrollably from the caffeine, and God knows what other hormones are rushing through my body. I watch as other students swiftly make their way into the classroom while I bite my cheeks until a faint taste of blood drizzles onto my tongue. I try my hardest to uncurl my tight fists to open my laptop, then immediately regret it as a dozen tabs from last night jump in front of my eyes. The internship applications, Excel sheets, half-finished Photoshop files, Indesign pages, threatening headlines, shopping carts, overflowing texts…the nausea is rising to my throat. Before I move another inch, I manically close all the tabs attempting to shove down my revulsion. By the time I finish my fourth class, I’ve beaten up my nails, pulled out a few strands of hair, and completely lost my appetite. I’ve never listened to the signs of my body begging for air. Because I wholeheartedly believe if I don’t keep going, I will never be good enough.

The cycle continues into the night, repeats the next day, and the day after until it becomes the norm. The thought of anyone peeking through my veil of “perfection” scares me more than any of the intrusive death scenarios I’ve made up.

The truth is, I didn’t become this person overnight. I’ve been like this since I was a kid. Growing up, I was known as the girl who was good at everything she did. I went to art camps, piano lessons, math classes, writing workshops, tennis tournaments, you name it-I’ve been there. When I would take the medals home, my parents washed me with words that felt like honey. My heart fluttered when they wore me on their sleeves like a decorated pin in front of their friends at dinner parties. The adult’s eyes would light up with jealousy, dressing up my parents with words like “only if my kid were as accomplished.” The high of hearing my teachers compliment me while feeling my classmates eyes glued onto my

body is a euphoria that no drugs can compare. The validation from those who “love” me is incomprehensibly addicting. The more approval embellished the twelve-year-old’s frame, the more I internalized that my worth was intertwined with external validation.

It’s easy to live like this as a fourth grader, a middle schooler, and a high-school senior. The daily dosage of validation from those around me kept me in a loop, and I loved this life. My self-esteem was in equilibrium with the way others perceived me. I’ve established a flawless routine to keep my ego well-fed. However, being twentyone, the formula becomes more difficult with more elements added into the equation- friendships, relationships, future expectations, mental and physical health. Each time I steer away from the track I constructed so perfectly, I become so mean that I would use words I wouldn’t ever dare to speak to my worst enemy. I’m exhausted. Is a nod from them really worth the torment? There will always be one more trophy to claim and one more person to fulfill my lack of self-esteem. If you’re hoping for the end-all and be-all solution to break the cycle, there isn’t one. Growth happens when you celebrate the struggle. A good start is to get in touch with parts of yourself only you can access and ask: what is it that I’m really seeking? This conversation isn’t easy. You’re confronting subjects you’ve avoided your whole life and seeing in yourself in ways you’ve never seen before. Unlearning the deeply rooted ideals isn’t a linear journey, but one that’s twisted and turned. It’s so important to lean on those who truly love you. These are the friends that show up for you on days that are high and low, and accept you without the gilded armor. Of course, seeking help from others can be mind-bogglingly hard, since independence has probably been ingrained in your identity. However, let their patience remind you that you have all the time in the world, and it’s ok to try again tomorrow. When you embrace the parts of yourself that you’ve deemed unacceptable for so long, you will begin to see that you’re starting to attract people who just feel so right. Letting go of the past feels very much like a grieving process, it’s heart-wrenching. But isn’t that the beauty of being in your twenties? Figuring it out and all?

OUR STRUGGLE WITH MALE GAZE

While self-love works hard, the male gaze too often works harder. words: Mia Jones | design: Sydney Neidell

Flattering tops, beat up shoes, boob tape, and an assortment of jewelry are strewn across the room as you and your girlfriends are getting ready for a night out. With music blasting and makeup covering every surface, you’re trying to decide your look for the night. Where’s that perfect pair of pants that fits just right at the waist? Which mini skirt is short enough to show off your legs? Even though you say it’s just a night for you and the girls, you’re still looking for a specific top that perfectly accentuates your features and that one Rare Beauty blush that gives you a playful flush of color. You scan the room or the bar while you’re out, looking for potential hookups for the night to appeal to. As much as we say that we do all of the preparation for our personal enjoyment, which is true and very important, there is simultaneously that deep down nudge within many of us girls to make sure we look enticing to the potential males at the function, or the possible run in with your ex as you walk around campus. This is especially true for us single college girls.

While there are some days where we truly don’t care to put in the effort to get ready for

class and we just waltz out the door without a care, we still may choose athleisure wear that looks good on us. We choose between doing our makeup for class or perfecting our hair instead, or we even put aside the time in the morning for both. While this can be done for one’s own satisfaction, even when we really don’t want to have to care, there is still that innermost pull to make ourselves look, at the minimum, decent for class. We have an underlying urge to choose even the smallest things about ourselves to deem appealing to the male eye. There is a very specific kind of satisfaction that comes from male validation, and our inner male gaze helps to serve that.

The male gaze, a topic of interest in popular culture today, is the way that women tend to be depicted in the media through the lens of men and their desires. This in turn objectifies and sexualizes women. This is often shown through film, but it also has been done in advertisements, such as through fashion, with fixations on the female body and an ideal, sexualized version of women as seen from a straight man’s point of view. Think of those sexy commercials you’ve seen for hair products and things as simple as body wash–everything about the commercial is seductive. This is unhealthy for us girls to see, especially when we’re young and trying to navigate ourselves, as it often promotes a view of girls that is difficult to attain, and deep down, it

makes us feel like we constantly need to live up to the standards created by the male gaze.

We can think of this as like having an uberstraight man living inside of our brains, which is an icky thing to think about. We constantly feel pressure, like an unexplainable nagging, to act and dress towards what a heterosexual male would find appealing (however, some girls don’t feel this at all). We sometimes think of ourselves from a man’s perspective, and yes, I know, this is literally horrifying. The concept of this is especially apparent when we go out at night or even when we’re just getting ready for our day. It comes out subconsciously, almost by nature, and so we don’t really think about how we partake in this constant “inner male gaze” that analyzes our appearance and conduct.

Trying to understand why we feel a push to consistently look good, and deciphering whether that’s for ourselves or for the male eye, can help us in trying to not be so critical of ourselves, so then we can be more content with ourselves as girls. At the end of the day, what’s most important is that you do what makes you feel good about your appearance. Do whatever you want with it! Wear whatever you want, do or don’t wear makeup, as long as it’s all in the name of comfortability and your personal style. There is power in striving to stay true to your likings.

HER OWN GAZE

Escaping from the need for validation.

words: Bella Tabak | design: Sydney Neidell

She had the perfect process. Wait a little bit since the last time she posted, but not too long. Only, what? Once or twice a month? Mold her into the ideal from someone else’s perspective. What would cause the boys at her school to drool? Would all the other girls finally think she is cool? Snap a few photos and post them on the gram. If they did not meet a certain amount of likes, delete. Then repeat.

While she did not realize it at the time, she was a victim of the male gaze, female gaze, and instant gratification. She needed to be wanted, she needed to be pretty. Her brain would light up as if it were drugged every time her phone buzzed with a notification. She was smiling. She was in a chokehold. Oh, how fun it was to see the numbers rise. Which one of her upperclassmen crushes was double-tapping this time? She could do this all day. Comments flood in with heart eyes and some little lies. Half of these girls would not even talk to her if they saw her in person, but who cares! As long as her persona was perfected online, the girl had some peace of mind.

Fuck. That.

It’s a full-time job when it comes to holding up a facade. By the end of my junior year

of high school, I was drained. The numbers that once held my focus felt shallow and cold. While scrolling through my own feed it clicked. Was I using this app for myself? Was I sharing the girl that I knew? Or was I painting an unfamiliar face?

I was in search of an alternative routine, a new process. How could I post on social media to make ME happy again? Soon enough, an answer trickled into my feed. Emma Chamberlain has been my “It girl,” for what feels like forever. So, when I saw her casually posting her daily life on her Instagram, I was instantly engaged. It seemed so authentic and real. Soon enough, I saw a few girls from my school do the same. They would post their outfit for the day, their lunch, or whatever spot they were picnicking with their friends. Eventually, I joined in. When I started posting more casually, I realized that I started posting things because I liked them, instead of posting for other people to like me. I gained so much more in curating little things in my life that made me happy. The addiction to the like count became nonexistent, along with the craving for validation from others. I had finally revived my love for social media, and my feed continues to ignite my creativity.

Social media should be something that enhances your life, where you can express yourself. A digital diary, if you will. If you

are chasing the validation of others through posting, you will never feel fulfilled. You will always want more likes, always want more followers. You will delete pictures because they did not gain enough attention, even if you really liked that photo. Seeing yourself from your own gaze is so important. Wear that outfit for you. Get that cute latte for you. Go on that trip for you. Read that book for you. And if you want, post about it too.

Do not stop at overhauling your social platforms, bring this mindset into your daily life as well. Ditch the habit of seeing and judging yourself through the eyes of the people around you. Why take off your favorite top before going out just because you are scared other people will not like it? Or avoid a topic of conversation you are interested in out of fear someone will think you are boring? Refocusing your personal lens on yourself is not a selfish act. Instead, you are grounding yourself in authenticity. So, forget about the male gaze and the female gaze. Cherish your own.

DAY IN THE LIFE OF A SERIAL DATER

The constant desire of the chase, the curiosity of wanting to try something new, and the possible fear of being alone. This may sound similar whether we know this person or we are this person. In this case, we are talking about the high-rolling emotions of being a serial dater. Although I am not a serial dater, I wanted to gain a better understanding, and I have interviewed multiple students on campus about why they serial date and how they felt when falling victim to a serial dater.

For many serial daters, there has been a consistent theme of loving the chase and exploring more about others’ identities. When interviewing a male student on campus, he elaborated by stating; “The chase is fun because you have to explore a new unknown and try to learn as you go along. It keeps you on your toes which is exciting. The payoff at the end is also greater when you were never sure if you’d get there with this person.” This statement encompasses the risk and reward of internal competition within ourselves to exceed our expectations with someone we believe is highly desirable. In this factor, serial dating can often be an ego boost for the person involved, yet have the risk of hurting the people we are dating who are unaware

or ignoring the fact that their partner is a serial dater. In this realization, many serial daters are open about their habits of quickly diving into relationships, but when do they admit it to their partner? How do you diffuse a situation to someone that it’s not as serious as you want it to be?

Throughout my interviews about serial dating, I consistently wondered about the person they were dating and how they dated a serial dater.

Did this spark jealousy? Insecurity?

When interviewing a collective of female students who fell victim to serial daters, they mentioned although they knew the guy they were with was a serial dater, they still felt used as a hookup buffer between their serious relationships. As a result, creating harm when displayed with the hope of girlfriend treatment, but feeling used as a casual hookup. I was finally able to get an inside look at a girl on campus who realized she was a serial dater and was able to reflect. When asked why she had serial dates she answered; “I think I serial date because I like having male attention and someone to always be there that’s a guy. I pretty much grew up

around all males so I’m used to having maleoriented advice and I also find guys much more chill about a lot of situations.” From the POV of a female serial dater we understand the motives of seeking male validation and feeling relatable to the thought process of men on campus who do not want to turn a casual hookup into a romantic connection. She believed the reward is the obvious consistent and almost immediate access to someone while having the potential risk of becoming romantically attached.

Serial dating is exhilarating and fun in the moment. Once it goes on for too long we feel our attachments to our temporary lovers become draining and boring at the same time when we need to find another exciting source. I found more men than women on campus to be serial daters, but, can also see how similar girls feel when they also admit to serial dating. Double standards fall when men easily admit to serial dating since it is seen as a flex whereas girls may have a harder time admitting to serial dating to avoid being seen as slutty or immoral. Serial dating is like gambling; we find a thrill in the possibility of winning but have to face a heavy hit when we realize we look at our cards and realize we have gone broke at the table.

The gambling scene of dating. words: Becca Carr | design: Haley Segal

Embracing your own decisions.

words: Ali Rosenberg |design: Elizabeth Wolf

Coming to Syracuse last fall without any close girl-friends from high school was completely nerve-racking. I didn’t know what to expect, especially since I was starting completely and utterly fresh. Would I be peer pressured into doing things that I didn’t want to do? This is the question that is the most pressing… and this idea lingers in every 18-year-old girl’s head before beginning this new daunting chapter.

Although it’s not talked about enough, every single teenage girl coming to college has not the slightest idea of what to expect. Everyone is filled with anticipation and doesn’t want to hurt their pride in making an effort to be someone’s friend. The barrier between college friendships is peer pressure, and not quite knowing how to steer clear of those who might not have your best interest at heart is arguably one of the hardest tasks when making friends.

Teenage girls yearn for the feeling of validation, to know that their new friends in college are as invested in the friendship as they are. With this being said, there are so many signs to navigate feeling peer pressured, and essentially, how to avoid it. Having the strength to say ‘no’, is the best thing you can do in these specific situations, however, not everyone feels comfortable doing this.

As a college student, we are immersed in a variety of new environments that will push us

out of our comfort zone, but not all of them can be considered good things. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s good to try these new things. But especially as a freshman, chances are that you will be put in situations that might be out of your comfort zone, and perhaps dangerous.

Part of being a college freshman is learning about these new experiences and knowing that peer pressure does carry a negative connotation. Many of the stigmas surrounding peer pressure in college are in relation to alcohol, drugs, and sexual interactions. While these instances have the potential to be dangerous, sometimes pushing yourself out of your comfort zone helps you come closer to discovering yourself. Embracing this is how you will be able to take advantage of the remainder of your college experience.

The most important thing to remember when approaching these situations is to stay true to yourself. Being able to ask yourself: “Would I be doing this if I weren’t surrounded by this particular person/group of people?” is the first step. If the answer to this question is no, then you might want to reconsider whether these people are actually your friends.

If you are battling with whether this person is really adding value to your life as you are constantly finding yourself in these types of situations, try being open and telling them

how you feel. It’s really difficult to be able to distance yourself from people that you deem as your friend. But when you think about it, would your genuine friend want you to be put in a situation where you feel unsafe and anxious? A genuine friendship is not supposed to make you feel nervous awaiting the next time you’re together.

Once you find your people in college, it is one of the most relieving feelings. Having people that will love and support you, and not put you in uncomfortable situations, is the most valuable aspect of a friendship, and it’s something that you will cherish forever. Friends that encourage you to be the best version of yourself are how to thrive in college, and finding it definitely takes time.

From body shaping techniques of the past, to enhancing our sexuality and femininity in the future.

words: Emily Bruck | design: Samantha Fuss, Elizabeth Wolf

When Miss Daphne Bridgerton entered the screen on the pilot episode of Bridgerton, an iconic COVIDera Netflix original, it was impossible to keep our eyes off her. She, like many fictional symbols of royalty and beauty, had charisma to her unlike any other. Most strikingly, she never failed to make the 19th-century royal gown somehow both graceful and sexy. As I was consistently humbled by my Netflix pop-up of ‘are you still watching?’ I realized the return of a fashion trend I had always associated with body dysmorphia and female sex objectification: corsets.

But Daphne, who resisted the idea of objectification and was undoubtedly different, brought a newer, more progressive meaning to the corset. Resisting an organized marriage, and standing her ground to the men in her life, she made the corset the assumed closet of a confident and powerful woman. Following this TV show, and even before, we’ve seen the corset trend everywhere. We’ve seen corsets published in Vogue in 2022, in New York Fashion Week 2023, and flooding Amazon storefronts of influencers.

Corsets are a layered discussion, about their controversial past, to their potentially empowering future. So, first, I will lay out a simple history outline of our new closet essentials. Corsets are commonly known to have surfaced in the 16th century, starting as a “sleeveless bodice” that shaped the body, compressing the hips (Vogue). This began the desirability of the hourglass silhouette figure, which tightly strung corsets achieved, even at the expense of women’s health and wellness.

In the 19th century, when corsets were at their height, the conversation regarding their effects on the body began (Vogue). It makes sense to imagine that an aggressively tightened bodice would hinder lung volume and potentially damage internal organs. But women did what was expected of them; and this

was, among other expectations, to symbolize modesty, and simultaneously conform to the most desirable body type that had no imperfections, in order to gain validation from men.

Despite their rocky history, there are reasons that corsets have maintained a presence and even resurfaced recently. As Vogue’s history states, designers such as Vivienne Westwood brought a new meaning to corsets in the 1970s, emphasizing female empowerment rather than male validation and body morphing.

And this brings us to the present day. Corset-style trends are ever-present in the media, entertainment industry, and shopping culture. We all know the iconic urban corset, which now has countless Amazon dupes. We all see the influencers on our pages, publicizing the return of the royal-looking lace-up corset. Longline corsets have resurfaced to accompany low-waisted items, boosting a “vintage girl” aesthetic and bringing back fashion from the past.

Although the narrative of corsets is currently attempting to shift from female binding to female empowerment, corsets’ dark history cannot disappear overnight. Corset tops continue to suck the body in and accentuate features, even if made with elastic materials. Although they have the ability to be worn casually, such as over big T-shirts, they are definitely in our going-out closets. So, despite the shift in corset culture’s meaning, corsets seem to continue to be body-shaping techniques, as well as a symbol of our femininity and sexuality.

What’s important is that we as women who fall victim to the quick cycle of fashion trends wear what makes us feel best. We have the ability to give new narratives to pieces and trends that may have a history. And luckily, there is no better time than now to wear what makes you confident and comfortable and rewrite our past.

Not always shiny happy people. words: Hannah Karlin | design: Samantha Fuss

I am not a fan of insincerity. I find it wasteful within a life so precious and rapid. However, at times I contradict such a mentality through my smile. I do it to please my superiors, my peers, and sadly, myself.

Fake smiling is my manipulation. Along with my worn jeans and fitted top, I put one on when I feel dull but want to appear lively, euphoric, and sincere. As I get complimented on my joyful essence, I sit and think. If only they knew the effort put into this outfit.

I’ll look in the mirror on my desk and force the muscle movement. I become alarmed when I notice this occurrence. I wonder why I do it. Who is there to impress? Who is there to witness this? I guess I do it to remind myself that I’m okay because positive thoughts, alone, aren’t convincing enough.

I attribute this manipulation to the people pleasers (myself included). We project a sense of constant happiness and control to satisfy others. “How has your day been? Month? Year?” “Great!” we say, with our teeth grinding behind a fake smile. We have been conditioned to appear that continuously happy.

When caught in this cycle, we forget the true nature of a smile. It’s when we can’t prevent its formation. When everything just seems lighter and warm. For me, it’s the minimal things. It’s the text from my friend wishing me good luck. It’s the snowflakes outside the beautiful kitchen window. It’s the thought of my potential and future.

How do we achieve a pure smile? We must embrace our emotions and realize that we cannot force such. We have a right to be unsatisfied. We have a right to be sad. Life is a beautiful mixture of joy, surprise, interest, sadness, anger, and fear. While they emerge at different times, a baseline of contentment is crucial to balance such and indulge in the good when it arrives.

Then, we must continue to immerse ourselves in activities and with people that propel our happiness. Discovering areas of satisfaction leads to a newfound appreciation. For me, it’s knowing I’ve improved the dance skills of my youth. It’s seeing my name published beneath an article. It’s the deep connection I have with friends. These are my reasons to truly smile.

The benefit of forgoing our fake smiles is an acceptance of ourselves. It’s learning to embrace serious and tranquil sides of ourselves-the traits we consider less charming. It’s also realizing that we radiate genuineness, within conversations and thoughts, through this self-acceptance.

Despite such tactics, there is no set formula. All we can do is maintain our aspiration to live a life full of sincere emotion and passion. This doesn’t mean we can’t “smile for the camera,” but instead continue to remain mindful of our deception.

Today, I don’t have to put on a smile with the rest of my outfit, as much. It is an accomplishment that engulfs me with pride and brings about authenticity to my being.

models: Rachael Eluemunor, Antonio Fanelli, Adele Bey Smith

photos: Sophie Walter design: Samantha Fuss

words: Julia Short | design: Elizabeth Wolf

When I think of manipulation, the first things that come to mind are lies, gaslighting, and being played. However, people commonly associate manipulation with relationships and dating. Unfortunately, I am admittedly one of the many people in this world who has fallen victim to manipulation… because what is a situationship without it? But I have to say, the hardest pill to swallow is acknowledging that you could be manipulated, whether that be in a relationship, a situation, or even changing the way you think.

Growing up in an age where everything is posted on social media has been humbling, to say the least. Comparing ourselves to Instagram models and celebrities that have had their photos professionally photoshopped has evolved to become the norm, and has fueled a variety of issues for young people growing up in this digital era.

I have to say that I am grateful that I grew up in a time when electronics and social media had little effect on my social life. Kids in this day and age rely so heavily on electronic devices and social media that no one fully knows how to navigate this. 8-year-old girls are dressing in high heels and applying high-end beauty products because they are exposed to them on social media. Even my 9-year-old cousin posts “get ready with

me” videos on TikTok and judging by the products she uses, she definitely has more money in her bank account than me.

In this age, no one can quite grasp what’s real and what’s fake. We live in a time where if you want to change the shape of your nose in an Instagram post, you can. Or if you didn’t like how small your boobs looked in that same post, you could enhance them. The problem is that when these 8 or 9-yearold girls see this on social media, this is the standard they believe they have to live up to. This goes beyond looking for the newest products to use, it affects how these young girls will perceive the definition of beauty and femininity.

I think it’s super reasonable to say that one of the fakest friendships one has is with social media. Even before the age of social media, print media could be considered just as toxic as social media is today. As someone who watched every single one of Britney Spears’ music videos at 8 years old, I think it’s safe to say that I will always be a Britney girl. However, as much as I love her, it pains me to think about the way the media portrayed her for years while she was at the peak of her career.

Simply put, the media made the majority of the world believe that Britney Spears was

batshit crazy for years. Headlines detailing “Britney’s Breakdown” or “Help Me” were posted across the front pages of magazines like People and US Weekly putting her character into question and having the public perceive her as this “crazy party girl” who couldn’t handle herself. The media was hyper-fixated and overly critical of Britney and her life, and ultimately showed her as something that she wasn’t.

Fast forward to today, we know a lot of her side of the story when it comes to those years of her career. Documentaries about Britney’s life and her conservatorship have come out in recent years and the media has gotten a lot of backlash concerning the coverage of her mothering style, dating life, and mental health in the early 2000s. The media was relentless, and they still do have the ability and power to twist narratives. The media can and always will be manipulative at the expense of others.

Don’t get me wrong, I love using social media just as much as the next person. But as I graduate college and move on to the next chapter of my life, I think we need to be more conscious of what we post and what we consume. After all, the media won’t be going away any time soon and we need to learn how to handle it.

“You’re so fucking fake.”

Wow! You don’t look a day over thirty.

words: Britney Kirwan | design: Catie Haugen

At one point or another we’ve all heard our mothers or grandmothers say things like, “When I was in my prime…” or “ Wear that dress while you still can!” It’s been ingrained in our minds from a young age that once we find a single gray hair on our heads or a wrinkle on our faces, our lives are downhill from there. But why?! Why have we young girls been manipulated into thinking that we have expiration dates?!

I have always been excited to get older, and was always told that once you are older, you’ll wish you were younger. I’ll admit, being a kid who had no clue what was going on or didn’t have to worry about anything was a much simpler time, but I still would not wish to go back and be any younger than I am right now. Every year I learn more about myself and how the world works. I look up to women who are older than me because I know they hold much more knowledge and wisdom that I will only be able to have as I age. Age shouldn’t be something to hide, but something to embrace. Vintage wines are savored while vintage clothing is coveted, so why is it different for us as women? A 25-year-old should not have to be told that in another 25 years, she will be invisible no matter her successes.

We have anti-aging creams and botox marketed towards us in order to get rid of the lines around our eyebrows and mouths (a.k.a

laughter lines). We should not have to worry about our happiness turning us “ugly”. We hold so much more value than our age or how “youthful” we look at the age of 60. Despite what society and the media have told us our whole lives, it is completely possible to live a happy, healthy, or even better life past our twenties. There’s so much more that goes into our lives than what’s seen on the surface. Aging should be seen as a privilege that not everyone will be able to experience, sadly. We need to change our mindsets and be grateful for the opportunity to be here another day and age in order to have a long, beautiful life.

Comparison...killing me slowly.

words: Aviya Garg | design: Revati Mahurkar

Jealousy. Why does she have what I want? Why is he dating her and not me? Why is hair and make up always perfect? Why can’t I be like her?

Is it actually jealousy that’s going through your head? What if it’s envy? Up until a couple of years ago, I was unable to differentiate the two. It took time, but learning what each feels like to me helped me process them more smoothly.

Jealousy derives from acts of comparison. Those friends who say “Oh me? I don’t get jealous.” As young adults, It’s almost impossible to not compare yourself, your career or your social media, to somebody else’s. Sometimes, it’s entirely subconscious. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and pretending you’re made of steel isn’t going to make it disappear.

Try framing it like this: you’re not jealous, you’re experiencing jealous feelings. Luckily, there are a few ways to make jealousy your bitch. First, take it back to its source. Ask yourself, what part of the situation you’re really jealous about. Next, zoom out. Is this going to matter in days? Weeks? Years?

The truth is, jealousy often has a short life span. Before you know it, you’ll be looking back on that moment and forgetting what it was you were even so hung up on. Until then, practice turning that feeling of jealousy into a positive motivation. Who said you can’t have what they have, too?

Now let’s talk about jealousy’s little sister: envy. Envy derives from the feeling that you’re missing a quality, whether material or personal, that someone else has. You might have thoughts like: when will my dream come true? When will an offer letter show up

in my inbox? If it seems like everyone around you is having success, it’s hard not to wonder: what’s wrong with me?

When you see others around you getting the things you’ve been yearning for, it’s hard not to fall into a negative mindset. If something is meant to be, it will be. Everything happens for a reason. Although your path may not make sense in the moment, you’ll eventually look back with appreciation for why things fell into place the way that they did.

The jealous and envious feelings you process are nothing to be ashamed of. It is beneficial to know how to decipher them when they arise. You owe it to yourself to actually know how you feel. Take time to sit with these feelings, be kind and non-judgemental towards yourself, and practice reframing the situation in its positive aspects.

Lessons learned from fake friends. words: Waverly Brannigan | design: Molly Irland

There’s nothing worse than feeling your lifelong friends drifting away. It’s easy to romanticize small town life, but eventually the drawbacks of knowing the same people forever overtake the narrative. Loving your home is natural because it’s your roots. You know all the ins and outs of what goes on– but the true epidemic of a small town is the manipulative reality of fake friends.

Growing up with the same people has pros and cons. You could find lifelong best friends–if you’re lucky. If you’re not so lucky, you’re in for a rude awakening. You’ll probably start to notice drifting from your friends during high school. They’ll try to cover it up, of course. They’ll blame it on your curfew, because you’re not “outgoing” enough, or just blatantly lie. The worst part is, they’re all you’ve got. You can’t find new friends, because there’s nobody else. This begins the lose-lose cycle of fake friendships, but seeing their true colors was always a blessing in disguise. When the lack of communication, exclusion, and drifting begins and you realize your friends are becoming fake, you can pinpoint how they exhibit these newfound qualities. To highlight a few:

I. The Exploiter: This person only reaches out when they need something. You catch on, but you try to hold on to the friendship in vain and give them what they’re looking for. This repeats until you’re doing all their dirty work for them. Friendship must be a two way

street– if you’re the only person working to keep it alive, it’s not fair to you.

II. The Kill ‘Em With Kindness: At first, you won’t even know this person doesn’t want you around. They’re the last one keeping you linked to the group and you’re honestly thankful. They give you that last ray of hope–until you put the rest of the puzzle together and the rest of the group overpowers the remaining sympathy.

III. The Flake: This person is flaky, but not in an innocent way. They see you at the grocery store or crossing the street and they stop you– “OMG, hey! I’ve missed you, we have to hang out!” When this first happens, it’s exciting. You think you’re finally going to get invited, but you never actually hear from them. Then, you see them again– and the cycle continues.

IV. The Complete Disconnect: Arguably the worst, this is the person you have known every single day of your life who just disappears. It’s been forever since you’ve last talked, and you only keep up through Instagram posts. Once upon a time, you were best friends. Now, you’re acquaintances from the “good old days” at best, and strangers at worst.

Believe it or not, those friendships aren’t the end all, be all. The cold hard truth is that fake friendships were always meant to fade. Don’t drop your hometown friends for no

reason, but learn to let go of people that began drifting out of your life a long time ago. People enter and exit your life for a reason, and sometimes this is to show you what a good friend isn’t (or, what one is).

College is the perfect window to find new, real friends. Unfortunately, this can be challenging because your fake friends manipulated you into being hesitant and doubtful. Those people can’t continue to undermine you from a world away, so commit to building strong friendships.

Start by reconnecting with people. Everyone’s in the same boat– making friends is a critical part of reshaping yourself in college, so give others the benefit of the doubt. You’ve escaped the miniscule sample of people from home, and your excellent “radar” for fake people makes you smarter about making friends.

Everything having fake friends taught you has given you the advantage. Your fake friends are the type to have peaked in high school (sorry not sorry). But you’re free and have the power to find your people. Turn to those who radiate kindness and fully accept you. Let go of any insecurities fake friends forced on you and trust your instincts. At the end of the day, you’re truly better off and now have every opportunity to thrive. So, this isn’t a hate letter for fake friends, but rather a thank you for proving there’s so much better out there.

Hookups from

Hell

design: Sydney Niedell, Elizabeth Wolf

Oh Sheet!

During my first month of freshman year, I went back from the bar to BBB (scary) with a boy to hook up. Right after it ended, he asked me verbatim, “Will you help me change my sheets? My mom usually does it for me and I don’t know how.” AND I DID. I didn’t know how else to react to someone who is that incompetent…needless to say, I left right after and got the Candyman Uber alone back to the mount.

Whoop! There It Is!

I’d been hooking up with this guy for a little while, and he lost his phone and his wallet in my room. They fell between my shoe rack and the end of my bed, so we looked everywhere and pulled my bed away from the wall. The last time he came over, stuff kinda went flying (yktv)…and at one point he’d taken the condom off and we didn’t know where it went. When we were looking for his stuff days later, I pulled my bed away from the wall and the condom we used last time was sitting there on the ground. I was so embarrassed when I saw it but I didn’t know what to say. He was like, “let me look” and he saw it too. It was so embarrassing.

I’ll Just Tell My Friends He’s Funny?

I got with this kid for a couple weeks first semester. We were hooking up in my bed on a random night, completely sober. He thinks he’s really funny, so he pulls out from kissing me and farts on my bed (should’ve kicked him out right at this point). Then we were making out, and he pulls out again, goes to my ear, and screams in it because, once again, he thinks he’s hilarious. Then we are kissing and he sticks his tongue all the way back in my throat again to be funny. Before leaving, he tapped on his abs and said, “I don’t understand how someone as ripped as me can have body dysmorphia. It just doesn’t make sense.” So yep, I won’t forget this one!

Paint Me Like One of Your Frat Boys

Within seconds of setting foot into a frat, this boy came up to me and started conversation. After a while, he asked to take me upstairs to his room and I went. Saying this was the most vile out of a movie disgusting frat house room wouldn’t even begin to describe the horror of this room. To make matters worse, the theme was paint, and he was covered in flaking paint. However, that did not stop us, and we started making out on his bed anyways. He tries to ~use his hands~ and I stop him, as I am on my period. He goes, “I’m already splattered in paint, what’s a little more?” My first instinct is to GET OUT OF THERE, and as I make my escape, his door won’t budge. Apparently, the room was so broken down, the door doesn’t work. 5 boys had to come on the other side of the door and help us open it. After 45 minutes of sheer terror, I left, and never spoke to him again.

Can’t Hold His Whiskey

This guy approached me and we were having a good conversation, so I went with him to his dorm. He smelled aggressively like alcohol and kept saying that he had “whiskey dick.” Eventually, I started smelling something FOUL, then he burped, ran into the corner, and threw up all over his naked body…he told me I should leave, and I had to step over the vomit on my way out.