A University College Student Association Magazine
CULTURE
11
Day 5 Into the Queer Apocalypse: Conversations Among the Queerios of Campus by Cate Zanardi Issue 2: Call it a love story. UQS #2, student, 19 y/o, she/her. Soundtrack: “Loving Is Easy”, single, Rex Orange County ft. Benny Sings, 2017. Think of the first time you heard the word “crush”. Elementary school, recess gossip - that type of aesthetic. But in this version of the scenario, your young, closeted self (wearing capri pants, perchance?) is substituted by two 8-yearolds who are ready to own and share their love for each other. This is the beautiful, beautiful story of my friend Unidentified Queer Subject n. 2 and her first love, A. Why A? To symbolize an incipit, the first of a long series of Queer Crushes on this column. Ah! But A. was way more than a crush, UQS#2 corrects me. A. was her girlfriend, and nothing less, and to do justice to the tale of how these two kids fell in love, we shall proceed with order.
But this dare gets UQS#2 thinking. She thinks about how she would reply to the question. Who would be that person? The answer seems to have something to do with the face smiling on the other side of the iPad – it’s the first decade of the 2000s and so I will not accept smartphones in this re-constructed fantasy, all right? Later in the night, UQS#2 asks her brother what he would think if her crush was a girl. The brother is supportive, as much as an early teen can be, and thus, UQS’s first coming out is consummated. And here I would like to pause for a second. Would this have been the end of this story had her brother said something homophobic to her? Or something simply short of understanding, something he might have not thought through much? Our close surroundings growing up have such a power to shape our perception of shame and safety – but while this can lead to terrible outcomes, the contrary is also true.
It’s hard to erase from my mind a negative paradigm for a queer childhood. I don’t think it’s far-fetched to posit that there's a collective imagination to what it means for you to feel differently than you are supposed to at age 6, 10, 15.
Illustration © Jana Fragoulis
As it was once said at the dawn of all gayness: In The Beginning, They Were Friends. Best friends. They go to class together, go to each other's place, and get to know each other's families. One night, UQS and her brother are calling A. over facetime. They are playing truth or dare and UQS’s brother dares A. to confess to their current crush. (No offence to UQS's brother, but these types of games kinda smelled like over-sexualization growing up? Anyways). A. laughs and takes time, evades the answer. The call ends without a reply.
And the positive effects of this sibling power (es- Even when I don’t want to, my thinking flashes to silence and shame the moment that one of us pecially older sibling!) can be amazing. starts telling me about their early years. The morning after, the two best friends are queuing at the school library to take out their That’s why I think this is a great story to tell. Our books, like they do every week. It is then, in the Unidentified Queer Subject #2 drops the tale of space of absent chatter, middle-of-the-day or- her first queer romance over drinks on a Friday dinariness, that A. starts: "You know yesterday night just like that, like it wasn’t one of the most when your brother asked me to confess to my heart-warming things I ever heard. It’s a story of crush…". I imagine my friend UQS#2 suspend- two children in love, who for luck and courage ing her intake of oxygen for a sweet 30 seconds, did not think hiding was their best viable option. before A., faithful to all that is sacred in child- And I never thought I’d say that about an 8-yearhood, honours the rules of truth or dare – and old juice box drinker, but I think we should take them as a model. If not for ourselves, for those confesses to her as her first crush. who will come after us. After that, the story blurs away in my friend's memory. She remembers managing a "Me too" after this revelation and getting suddenly shy. Until next time, They would stay together until my friend moved to a different country, sometime in the following Cate school year. Even apart, they would still facetime, and spend their summer holidays together, up until they were 15. Try not to call it a love story.
P.S. I know the collectivity wants queer artists in that soundtrack entry, I know. I have been found guilty, once again. But Loving Is Easy has just a very extremely happy and wholesome energy that just fits. But if in the future you might feel inspired to teach me the ways of Queer Sound (as subjective as it might be) you are welcome to add your own titles to this collaborative playlist.
