Day 5 Into the Queer Apocalypse: Conversations Among the Queerios of Campus

Issue 2: Call it a love story.

UQS #2, student, 19 y/o, she/her.

Soundtrack: “Loving Is Easy”, single, Rex Orange County ft. Benny Sings, 2017.

Think of the first time you heard the word “crush”. Elementary school, recess gossip - that type of aesthetic. But in this version of the scenario, your young, closeted self (wearing capri pants, perchance?) is substituted by two 8-yearolds who are ready to own and share their love for each other. This is the beautiful, beautiful story of my friend Unidentified Queer Subject n. 2 and her first love, A. Why A? To symbolize an incipit, the first of a long series of Queer Crushes on this column.

Ah! But A. was way more than a crush, UQS#2 corrects me. A. was her girlfriend, and nothing less, and to do justice to the tale of how these two kids fell in love, we shall proceed with order.

As it was once said at the dawn of all gayness: In The Beginning, They Were Friends. Best friends. They go to class together, go to each other's place, and get to know each other's fam ilies. One night, UQS and her brother are call ing A. over facetime. They are playing truth or dare and UQS’s brother dares A. to confess to their current crush. (No offence to UQS's broth er, but these types of games kinda smelled like over-sexualization growing up? Anyways). A. laughs and takes time, evades the answer. The call ends without a reply.

But this dare gets UQS#2 thinking. She thinks about how she would reply to the question. Who would be that person? The answer seems to have something to do with the face smiling on the other side of the iPad – it’s the first dec ade of the 2000s and so I will not accept smartphones in this re-constructed fantasy, all right?

Later in the night, UQS#2 asks her brother what he would think if her crush was a girl. The brother is sup portive, as much as an early teen can be, and thus, UQS’s first coming out is consummated. And here I would like to pause for a second. Would this have been the end of this story had her brother said something homophobic to her? Or something simply short of understanding, something he might have not thought through much? Our close surroundings growing up have such a power to shape our perception of shame and safety – but while this can lead to terrible outcomes, the contrary is also true.

by Cate Zanardi

And the positive effects of this sibling power (especially older sibling!) can be amazing.

The morning after, the two best friends are queuing at the school library to take out their books, like they do every week. It is then, in the space of absent chatter, middle-of-the-day ordinariness, that A. starts: "You know yesterday when your brother asked me to confess to my crush…". I imagine my friend UQS#2 suspending her intake of oxygen for a sweet 30 seconds, before A., faithful to all that is sacred in childhood, honours the rules of truth or dare – and confesses to her as her first crush.

After that, the story blurs away in my friend's memory. She remembers managing a "Me too" after this revelation and getting suddenly shy. They would stay together until my friend moved to a different country, sometime in the following school year. Even apart, they would still facetime, and spend their summer holidays togeth-

Even when I don’t want to, my thinking flashes to silence and shame the moment that one of us starts telling me about their early years.

That’s why I think this is a great story to tell. Our Unidentified Queer Subject #2 drops the tale of her first queer romance over drinks on a Friday night just like that, like it wasn’t one of the most heart-warming things I ever heard. It’s a story of two children in love, who for luck and courage did not think hiding was their best viable option. And I never thought I’d say that about an 8-yearold juice box drinker, but I think we should take them as a model. If not for ourselves, for those who will come after us.

Until next time, Cate