TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2012 |
YOUR UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE, CONDENSED
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Welcome to university, kiddo HUMOUR >>
Your source for serious advice on life, academics and everything in between WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
B
with Dr. Bryce Warnes
eing a university student can be super hard! Your professors always want you to read stuff, you probably don’t have much money, getting people to have sex with you is really complicated, and in a few years, you will enter the job market, where you will struggle every day to afford the consumer goods and status symbols you need to feel good about who you are. I’m here to make university easier for you. You can ask me any question anonymously, and I will answer it here in this column. What makes me qualified to tell you how to live your life? For starters, people often come to me with questions such as “How do I know this boy likes me?” and “Can you hold onto this package until the investigation is over?” Also, I’m like 40 years old and still doing my bachelor’s degree. Not only has giving advice to everyone I meet slowed down my academic process, but each passing year has added another layer of wisdom-varnish to my already-wise soul. Finally, I am an ordained doctor of the Universal Life Church*. And you should always do what your doctor tells you. We’ll get things rolling this week
weed every day. People do it. It’s not impossible. Now for the old “can vs. should” debate. You’ll meet plenty of students at UBC who smoke casually – at parties or concerts, for instance. But it’s a certain set who maintain a nightly status quo of blaze-andwatch-Adventure-Time , and once you’ve fallen in with that clique, you may have trouble getting out. This is university. You’re supposed to experiment. Quit smoking for a while and go to some stupid beer gardens and faculty parties. If you’re underage, guzzle some hardbar in your neighbour’s dorm and go do something nasty to the Engineering Cairn. You have my permission. Or stay entirely sober, and try out the company of people who get their highs in other ways. Put down the pipe for a while. You’ll save cash. You’ll have an easier time getting outside of your social comfort zone. And it will decrease your tolerance, so that when you smoke again, it will be way, way better. U <em>
Dr. Bryce is semi-qualified to provide you with valuable life advice.
with a couple of questions from new students at UBC. I’m a new student at UBC this year and am looking for some personal advice. I know that it is important to meet people, but I worry I’ll have trouble doing this. I’m very quiet and often find it difficult to initiate conversations. Can you give me some advice on how to make friends on campus? —New Kid Dear New Kid, I guarantee that every first-year
student you meet feels almost as awkward and desperate for friendship as you do. You can make lots of new acquaintances during frosh activities. If you’re socially awkward by default, stick to a formula. “Hey, what’s up. I’m New Kid.” After they tell you their name, be like, “Rad, where are you from, name?” Then, “What’s it like where you’re from, name?” Keep asking basic, non-intrusive questions. Pretend you care about the answers. Whether they know it or not, most people’s ideal conversation is a monologue. Indulge them.
KAI JACOBSON/THE UBYSSEY
Before long, you’ll be recognized as a stand-up dude/lady and winning conversationalist. I was a huge stoner in high school, but I always managed to get by with good grades. Everybody says university is a lot more work, though. How can I do well in all my classes but maintain my lifestyle? —Still Blazing
Don’t know what you should do? Dr. Bryce does! Email advice@ubyssey. ca for a chance at having your personal problems solved. All submissions are entirely anonymous. <strong>
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Dear Still Blazing, With a modicum of self-discipline, you can make it through your entire undergrad while smoking
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Editor’s note: No, he’s not.