Turn-taking

What the Science Tells Us

TOUCAN

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Turn-taking, also known as serve and return, is the essence of conversation, and social play. It is comprised of back-and-forth exchanges between conversation partners. We are generally drawn to people who know how to take turns in a conversation. This is why we want our child to learn this art and skill. It will help them connect with people and build relationships throughout life.

Fortunately, our child learns a lot about turn-taking from the everyday conversations we have with them as well as by listening to conversations we have with others. Most often, without even realizing it, we are modelling many aspects of conversation.

Among other things, we are showing our child: how long to wait before starting a turn; how to do a small turn that keeps a conversation flowing; how to use gestures or say “yes,” or “uh-huh” to tell our conversational partner that we are listening; and how to pass the conversation back to our conversational partner by asking a question.

Children start learning about turn-taking long before they can talk. When our child screeches or grunts or babbles and we babble back, we are engaging in serve and return or turn-taking behaviour with them.

When we listen to what our child has to say before taking our turn, we are modeling how to listen before speaking. The more our child experiences this, the greater the chance they will learn to listen before speaking.

If we interrupt our child when they are taking a long time to say something, they learn that it is acceptable to interrupt someone who is speaking. We may explain that interrupting is not the way to hold a conversation, but our child is watching us all the time and learning from what we do, not just what we say. In some families and communities, and often in political circles, “interrupting” seems culturally acceptable. However, actively listening and responding when there is a gap in the conversation, is generally appreciated in all communities.

Parents may have heard about research showing that children who hear more words learn language faster, and that children with better early language skills have more successes in all sorts of other tasks, like learning math or reading. They may be worried about exposing their child to enough words. However, the number of words in those studies was just an easy way to measure language exposure. The number of words is not what’s most important for our child. What is more important is how we use the words with our child when we are talking with them, and how many conversation turns we give them every day.

Children who get more conversational input learn better and faster. As much as possible, every day, we want to talk with our child (and not at them) and give them many conversational turns. As much as possible, we also want to avoid talking FOR our child, when someone directs a question at them.

What You Can Do

Most people understand turn-taking when playing games. They may not realize that turn-taking is also the key ingredient of good conversations. It is a learned skill.

You are your child’s first play and communication partner. The back-andforth exchanges you practise together teach your child a life skill that will help them in their childhood, and beyond.

So many good things happen when you practise turn-taking with your child in play and conversation.

# You show them that they are loved and valued # You are building your all-important relationship # You are helping them learn communication skills that they will later be able to use to build relationships with others

The longer you can keep the back-and-forth exchanges going, the more opportunities your child has to learn.

Turn-taking begins at the beginning of life, and continues throughout life.

With a newborn you can: 

# Use touch, words or sounds to respond to their cries, burps or gurgles • When you do this you are using turn-taking or serve

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and return, and creating your very first “conversations” with them (see Conversation) • Their “turn” may be a smile, coo, wave of the arms, or kick of the legs • You can respond using a sing-song voice and then leave a space for your baby to have their turn again (see Infant-directed Speech)

Opportunities for turn-taking are everywhere, at every age and stage. Watch for ways your child is trying to start games and conversations with you:

# They may drop a toy from the table of their highchair  • When you give back the toy and respond, you keep the interaction going

Parents often become tired of this “game.” Feel free to invent a new one.

Games are an important part of your child’s language development.

# A child who is using phrases or sentences, may seek your attention with a comment or a question  • As much as possible, respond with interest and keep the conversation going

The key thing is that you notice when your child wants to interact with you, and you respond by providing opportunities for them to learn and connect.  When talking with your child, keep in mind that children who are learning to use language need a little extra time to respond. It can be difficult to do, but wait a little longer than what feels natural.

# Take a breath and count to 5 in your head before helping your child respond

“Serve and return turn-taking begins at the beginning of life.

You can help your child learn when it is their turn in a conversation or a game. Your pauses and body language signal this.  To signal that you are keen to hear what they have to say, you may quite naturally:

# Lean in # Smile # Raise your eyebrows # Widen your eyes

These gestures show something called “expectant waiting.” They tell your child that it is their turn and that you are interested in them and waiting for their response.

It can take time for you and your child to learn the “turn-taking (conversation) dance.” It is worth practising because being able to do it smoothly will help your child throughout life!

TIGER