Questions

What the Science Tells Us

QUETZAL

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Questions are a crucial part of language and they are a lot more complicated than many people realize! The way we ask and answer questions can be a nurturing experience for our child that shows our loving relationship or it can have the opposite effect and seem threatening or stressful.

Fortunately, we can learn to frame our questions in a loving way most of the time. We simply need to speak naturally and avoid “testing” our child too often. Testing can shut down our child’s curiosity. That being said, our child will encounter “testing questions” in school, so asking some “testing questions” from time to time can be appropriate. Most of the time, however, we want to ask authentic questions that encourage our child to think, and give us responses we truly care about. Comments we make can also be conversation starters. As speech-language pathologists like to say, “Testing questions can be conversation stoppers. Responsive questions can be conversation starters.”

Children hear a lot of questions before they are able to answer with words. Without realizing it we quite naturally ask questions, even of a baby. These tend to be more “yes or no” questions, “Is your diaper wet?” “Are you hungry?” We are modeling how to ask questions – and answer them – from the time our baby is born, and even before! “Yes or no” questions are the first ones children typically respond to.

Our child is naturally curious and excited to learn more about the world. They need to ask questions. They are already asking us questions even before they can speak, by gazing or pointing at something. If we recognize that their gaze or their gesture is a question, we can respond.

We want to give our child the tools and encouragement to ask questions freely. We can model this. We can use the words they would use if they could. As always, it is about following our child’s lead and picking up on what they are interested in.

When children are older, questions become a more intrinsic part of conversations. Children ask us MANY questions that evolve in complexity over time. Our questions to them become more and more similar to questions we might ask of adults. Both children and adults progress toward conversations that include more open-ended questions (see Open-ended). These are questions for which there is no right or wrong response. They enable us to learn more about our child and how they think. And when our child is doing the asking they can learn more about us when we answer.

What You Can Do

You may think the best way to get a child to talk is to ask them questions, but this is not always true. Some questions will encourage conversation, and others may be conversation-stoppers and discourage your child from speaking or limit their responses to only one or two words. If they feel like they are being tested, or if you are asking too many questions, your child may not want to respond or might stop paying attention. Other times they may want to respond, but not know how to answer.

“Choice questions are often the easiest.

Some questions are simple to answer, while others can be quite complex.

# Choice questions are often the easiest, especially if you are holding the items you are offering up.  You could hold up an orange and a banana out of your child’s reach and ask,  • “Do you want an orange or a banana?”

Even before your child can speak they can answer these types of questions as they learn to reach or point to what they want. In giving them a choice, you have modelled the words for the objects, and you can model them again after they reach or point to what they want. For children who are experiencing communication delays, this can be an effective way to encourage your child to use words (see Delay).

Labeling their choice can help all children learn to use words and it enriches their learning in general. Offering options gives your child the opportunity to think and make a decision. It contributes to their healthy brain development and growing sense of independence.

“Yes” and “no” questions are also fairly easy for your child to respond to. They learn this quickly when it is something they do or do not like or want. 

• “Do you want broccoli?”

Your child may shake their head or turn away to indicate “no.” Young children usually learn to do this long before they can nod for “yes.” You can help them by modeling both responses.

The above “yes” or “no” question is easier for them to answer than a question that requires their imagination, like

• “Does a horse say “meow?”

Your child will likely enjoy this kind of question when they have learned to play with words. Many children who are already using words or sentences love asking and answering silly questions like, 

• “Do you put boots on your hands?…Noooooo!!!.”

You or your child then has the opportunity to add on and talk about how silly you are! “Boots go on your feet! They help keep you dry. Silly Grandma!”

The next kinds of questions children tend to learn to respond to are “who,” “what” and “where” questions. These questions have concrete answers, which makes them a little easier to answer than “why,” “when” or “how” questions, which are more open-ended. You can help your child learn to answer all of these types of questions by modelling how to ask and answer them in your conversations and play. 

# “Why are we washing our hands?…Because they are dirty, from playing outside.” QUAIL

With children of all ages it is important to wait after you ask a question to give them a chance to respond. This can sometimes mean waiting about 5 seconds before you model a response. (Use this time to take a deep breath).

Children who are experiencing communication delays may need you to wait a little longer.  It is helpful to wait for a few reasons:

# It lets your child know that it’s their turn to speak, and that you are interested in their response # Sometimes kids need a little longer to think and respond # Even if you have asked a question you think might be a little difficult, you’ve given your child a chance to try to respond, and they might just surprise you!

Try to notice how your child responds to skill and knowledge-testing questions, such as:

• “What’s this?” • “What colour is this?” • “What does this animal say?”

Some children enjoy showing how they can answer these questions. Other children don’t like them because they feel like they are being tested, and find this threatening.

If your child doesn’t seem to enjoy skill and knowledge-testing questions:

# Try turning your questions into comments, and then giving your child a chance to respond In this way you can keep the conversation and interaction going.

# Instead of saying, “What’s this?” you can say, “Look! A cow!” or “Oh look!

There’s a cow with purple spots” # Instead of asking, “What colour is this?” you can say, “I see a green car” # Instead of asking, “Who is that?” you can say, “There’s Pete the cat” # Instead of asking, “What does the horse say?” you can say, “Listen! That horse is saying ‘neigh!’” # Instead of asking, “What shape is this?” you can say, “I like triangles” # Instead of asking, “Where is the rabbit” you can say, “There’s the rabbit.

He’s hiding”

You can then wait for your child to add on more information.

# If your child is not yet using words, they may smile, or squeal with excitement  # When your child knows some words they may be able to say, “moo!” or hold up and label another animal to show you  # When your child is speaking in sentences they may respond by saying,  • “And here is a chicken!”

You now have an opportunity to build on what your child has said to create a conversation (see Conversation).

If your questions are natural and playful, chances are your child won’t feel like they are being tested and will feel encouraged to speak more, think more and problem-solve (see Open-ended).

When your child is older and asking more complex questions, you may think they want a complex answer. In reality they probably want a simple and truthful response. If they want more they will let you know and you can respond with more details until your child is satisfied.

When you use questions with your child you are contributing to their language and brain development and capacity to engage in critical thinking.

Questions are also a wonderful way to show respect for your child, and you can do this from the beginning of life. Each time you respond to your child’s questions or name what they are looking or pointing at, you are demonstrating a respectful way of using language that they will be able to use with others, and you.

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