Join In

Join In Jj

JELLYFISH

What the Science Tells Us

Research shows that children learn better when we join in to what they are paying attention to than if we try to make them pay attention to other things. This is especially easy to see in the early stages of language learning. Our child learns the meanings of words more easily when we talk about something they are already paying attention to. So when we are interacting with our child, it’s more effective to talk about the things they are looking at, holding or doing than to show them something new and label it.

As our child develops they often initiate social games which are an invitation for us to join in. They do this preverbally. For example, they may look at us and clap their hands. When we respond by clapping our hands we are joining in our child’s game and engaging in a type of conversation which is foundational for later language development (see Conversation and Turn-taking).

Joining in helps develop our child’s language skills at every stage. Many of us quite naturally do this. For example, when our child talks about something they are interested in we repeat their comments and then add on to them. Our child may say, “Look at my sandcastle. It’s really big.” We may respond, “It is a really big sandcastle, it is huge! And it looks like many people could live there” (see Match +1).

Play and imaginary play offer perfect opportunities for language development and for us to join in. Joining in to our child’s game of make-believe can be

a great time to engage in storytelling, sometimes referred to as joint narrative creation by linguists. It presents the opportunity to explore register differences – what linguists call different ways of speaking that depend on who is speaking and who is listening (things like speaking more formally to a boss than we do to a friend). When we engage in pretend play we almost automatically make these kinds of adjustments in the way we talk. By joining in to our child’s play session, they learn something important about how to use language while having fun and enjoying time with us.

What You Can Do

You are your child’s first play partner, and how you play with them will help them learn how to play with others. So play together often! Let them lead the play and have fun.

Our pediatricians recommend the following approach (practise twice a day, if possible): 

# Put a timer on for 10 minutes.  Put your device on “airplane mode” so no distractions can come through • During that time focus only on your child.  Answer their questions or play with them as they want you to play.  For those 10 minutes let your child be the most important person in your world

Some adults find it difficult to join in and play with children, or they try to take over their child’s play. If you are one of these adults, you might:

# Feel like you don’t know how to play anymore, and that you aren’t doing it “right.” • As long as you let your child lead they will enjoy playing with you

# Like to play with your child, but tend to take over and lead the play.  You end up doing most of the talking, or telling your child how to play • This takes away the joy for your child who can feel it is no longer their play # Take on a “testing” role.  You continually ask your child questions during play, like “What colour is this?” or “What does this say?” • You may forget that being tested is not fun.  It can also get in the way of learning

It’s fine to ask some genuine or authentic questions as part of play. The goal is to join in to your child’s play, and not take over!

Your child learns best during play, when they are having a conversation about something they are already interested in and enjoying.

At any stage of your child’s development, if you’re not sure how to join in with them: 

# Watch how they are playing with their toys on their own # Pay attention to what they enjoy most about their toy or activity # If your child is able to respond, ask how they want you to play • Let your child be in charge

It will be much easier to join in and be a good play partner if you can take a turn without changing your child’s game in a way that they do not want. If for example they are building a tower with blocks:

# You can ask if they want to build another tower beside it • In a safe situation like this, graciously accept your child’s decision • You are joining in while respecting their playtime goal # You are also giving your child a wonderful opportunity to: • Have some control in their life • Practise decision-making • Describe what is going on in their mind as they play

It is hard to be a good play partner from across the room or with your back turned. Stay close to your child. This: 

# Allows you to participate more fully in the game # Shows your child you are interested in what they are doing

There are no hard and fast rules about playing:

# It is all about watching and checking in with your child JACK RUSSEL

Sometimes it makes sense to imitate your child’s play and “add on” new ideas, building on their ideas. This is similar to conversation where you repeat what they have said and then add something on (see Match + 1).

• Child: “Look at my sandcastle.  It’s really big” • Parent: “It is really big.  It’s huge! And it looks like many people could live there.  Should we build a path for them to walk on or a lake for them to fish in?”

When you give your child a choice this allows them to stay in control of the play and it builds their brain. Often, if you give your child a choice you

reduce the likelihood of a “no” response. When playing, if your child still says “no” it is good to respect this and ask for their suggestion.

When you are face-to-face with your child you can imitate their play and then add on (see Face-to-face). When you mirror their play you are joining in and showing that you value your child and what they are doing. (This is similar to mirroring your child’s gestures and comments. It helps your child feel understood).

If your child is banging blocks on the table, you can bang them on the table too and create a turn-taking activity: 

# Your child will notice you # You can change the rhythm of the banging # Your child may change it too # You can follow their rhythm # Your child can change it again # You can turn the banging into the rhythm of a song you both know, and sing the song # You can introduce a new way to play with the block, like “driving” it along the table like a car with fun noises. Wait to see if your child will imitate you!

Children can learn a lot through play and anything can be turned into a game. You can join in by participating or observing and commenting:

# Cause-effect.  Your child feels empowered when they can make something happen and communicate about it

“Your child learns best during play.

• With your infant you can invent a game where they clap and you sing  • With your toddler after their bath, you can hold a towel and when they press on your arm, the “drying machine” is activated and you dry them with the towel, while making a funny noise  • With an older child you can invent games about picking up toys (how long it will take, or if they can throw soft toys into a toy bin)  # Guessing games.  You can play these anytime, anywhere and about anything. • With your toddler they can guess what hand their snack is in  • With your older child you can go for a walk together and guess the number of steps it will take to get from one tree to the next  # Hiding and finding objects.  Either you or your child can do the hiding. • With your infant this can be as simple as hiding a toy under a blanket  • With your toddler or older child you can show a number of objects, take them away and then return them with one object missing.  Your child needs to tell you what is missing.  When your child is older you can increase the number of objects  # Tickling.  Your child can tell you with words or gestures where to tickle them or if they don’t want to be tickled  # High chair games.  Your child will no doubt invent many “dropping objects” games from their high chair (the sign of a new developmental stage)  • This may not be your favourite game but it shows your child trusts you to do the picking up # People games.  Your child needs these activities as part of their social learning.  You can do them with your child at any age or stage

• With your infant, peek-a-boo, imitating facial expressions or gestures  • With your toddler, you can play pat-a-cake or jumping games, or finding fruit that is the same colour in a grocery store  • With your older child you can play “I spy,” “charades” at their level (perhaps acting out books they know) or finding items that start with sounds or letters they know when you are out and about  # Problem solving. Play is a safe way to make and learn from mistakes.  It is an ideal way for your child to learn about simple math and science. Problem solving is also an important part of creative activities such as writing, dancing, music, sports, work and social situations.  By joining in with your child you can:  • Encourage them to try different strategies to solve problems • Help them see that mistakes are learning opportunities.  Mistakes tell you what doesn’t work and provide new information that can be used when trying again to solve the problem # Puzzles.  These can be simple or more complicated as your child grows.  They offer many opportunities for conversation about shapes, sizes, textures, colours, and strategies.  • At every stage you may need to teach your child how to approach a new puzzle • Your child may prefer to invent their own game with the pieces.  One day they will likely do the puzzle in the expected way • Puzzles present the opportunity for you to join in, following your child’s lead.  They may want your help or they may not # Board and card games.  You can invent games with any cards or game parts available, and play with them any way you like.  You don’t need to purchase

new games if parts are missing.  You can invent “rules” with the parts you have

• With your young child you can use different playing cards to find similarities and differences, to recognize shapes, colours, letters and numbers  • With your older child you can introduce rules and they can learn about winning and losing (this can be very hard for young children)  • With all children you can practise turn-taking and talking about the game

Sometimes you may find joining in with your child’s play a bit tedious or tiresome, especially if they want to play the same game – over and over. There is a reason your child loves to do this. Their brain craves repetition, and games naturally incorporate repetition (see Repetition).

If your child wants you to join in their play, and you are able to do this, you will find countless opportunities for language learning and connection.

JACKAL