All Kids

ALBATROSS

What the Science Tells Us

All kids are special. All kids have potential. All kids are unique. All kids deserve love and attention. All kids need a responsive caregiver.

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The path a child takes to development will be different for each child. Our role as parents and caregivers is to discover who our child is and then do our best to support them so they can reach their full potential. We do this by being responsive to our child from the moment they are born.

Infants quickly discover the power of communication when we respond to their cries, noises, smiles and movements. They learn that their actions and sounds bring about a response in others, “When I cry, my mother comes to feed me. When I smile, my father smiles back at me.” Our child doesn’t start life knowing how their actions and sounds can be used to get their needs met. They learn this as we grow into our role as a parent and figure out how to interpret and respond to their cries, noises, smiles and movements.

For our child, communication development may mean talking, signing, or using an assistive communication device.

ANTEATER

Talking and signing are hard! There’s so much to coordinate. Ideas have to be mapped onto the right words, then the words have be planned and produced, multiple words have to be coordinated with each other – it’s a lot for a little brain, mouth or hands to handle.

These skills are relevant to children learning a single language or more than one, to children learning spoken as well as sign languages (see Sign Language), and many are also relevant to children using assistive communication devices.

There are barriers that can prevent even the most well-intentioned parent from meeting the needs of their child. One of these is underestimating the negative impact of electronics.

There is growing hard evidence that screen time can damage parent/child relationships and the developing brain.

Both the Canadian and American Pediatric Societies recommend that infants have no screen time and young children very little. This is an ideal to strive for. Background noise from TV and images on a screen can be confusing and harm our infant’s language development. Researchers urge that programs be developmentally appropriate (see Appendix G).

Before we became a parent some of us may have developed the habit of spending long periods of time focused on a screen. Now we need to learn to turn off the electronics and focus on our child (see Face-to-face).

When we support our child in language learning, we are also contributing to their social and emotional development and preparing them for

literacy. Communications between our child and us help build a strong, stable, and healthy attachment. This connection is foundational for our child’s social, emotional and physical health in childhood, and beyond. Later in life it assists our child in establishing and maintaining fulfilling relationships.

Whatever the communication needs of our child, fostering their development is one of the best things we can do.

What You Can Do

Your child doesn’t need you to be a language specialist. You are already the specialist in your child!

Most children develop good communication skills if they have a responsive caregiver.

What do responsive caregivers do?

Being responsive means you:

# “Tune in” and pay attention to your child, their needs, interests, and how they try to communicate these things # Name the feelings your infant or child seems to be experiencing, or the needs they cannot yet express • “I can see you are upset/sad/frustrated/angry/tired, hungry” # Are generally quick to respond to what your child has communicated

Because you are attentive, you may be able to recognize early if your child needs extra support. Research shows that early support can change a child’s life.

When your child is crying or seems distressed: 

# You can use gentle words, a sing-song voice and touch to comfort your child and let them know you are trying to figure out why they are unhappy • “You seem tired.  Let’s put you down for your nap” • “You’re tired.  It’s time for a nap”

If your child is not yet speaking or using gestures and is looking at something: 

# You can notice where they are looking, and then point and label what they see using simple sentences and highlighting key words • “Oh, I see you are looking at the light” • “Dog! Yes, that’s a dog! He says, ‘woof woof’!”

If your child is not yet speaking but is using gestures and sounds, or if they are speaking but are still quite difficult to understand: 

# You can guess what they are trying to say, or use words to label what they are pointing out or showing you.  Even if you are wrong, your child may: • Appreciate the fact that you are trying • Patiently put up with your multiple guesses or… • Be so frustrated they have a “meltdown” (temper tantrum)

If your child is in the single word, phrase or the sentence stage: 

# You can respond to what they are trying to tell you and build on it • Child: “Dog!” • Parent: “Yes, that is a dog, and he is wagging his tail.”  (see Match +1)

“All kids need a responsive caregiver.

• (Child signs for “more”) • Parent: “More! More banana!”

Being responsive often involves some guesswork, and that’s okay! A newborn will keep crying if you offer a feed and that is not what they wanted. At any stage your child will let you know if you did not “get it” on the first try.

When your child is learning words or is not yet easily understood they will usually try again if it is clear you did not get their message. You can say, modeling respectful language:

# “I’m sorry.  I didn’t understand.  Can you please say that again?”  Sometimes a child can be tired or frustrated by repeated requests to “say it again.” If this happens, help your child communicate the same message in a different way.

It may be hard for your child to think of new ways to communicate the same idea and find it helpful if you: 

# Ask them to “show me.”  They could use actions, gestures or sounds (think charades!) # Ask them to “go get it” or “let’s go find it together” # Offer up possible choices or guesses

Trying to help your child communicate their message shows them that you care and think their ideas are important.

ALLIGATOR

At any stage this can still end in a temper tantrum: 

# Be kind and patient # Look for the thoughts and feelings underneath (think of the behaviour you see as the tip of an iceberg)

When the tantrum is over:

# Hold your child close and comfort them, the same way you do when they have hurt themself

What is important, at every stage, is that you try to understand your child, so that they recognize their communication attempts are worthwhile.

Electronics

Electronics can prevent you from being the responsive caregiver you want to be. They easily capture your attention or make you slow to respond. It is easy to miss the big and little ways your child communicates with you if you are looking into a screen instead of their face. If you do this often, it can have serious consequences for your child’s language and other development.

# Put your device away and use it when your child is sleeping # Avoid having the TV on in the background all day # Shield your infant from screen time, as much as possible # With your toddler ensure screen time is short and developmentally suitable.  Try to watch with them and talk about it together

# Ensure your older child’s leisure screen time fits their age and stage.  When possible, watch or play with them.  Use their interests as conversation starters.  Keep TVs and other devices out of their bedroom at night-time # As soon as your child is aware of the Internet, teach them how to stay safe online

There are a few situations where technology can be helpful.

It can:

# Allow your child to connect with a loved-one who is not physically available • Keep in mind infants and young children have short attention spans.  Help the person in your video chat understand that the conversation will likely be short # Provide your child with extra resources in your home language or heritage language if that language is not used in the wider community • Your child can gain more varied input in your heritage language # Be an important source of additional input for deaf children in hearing families who are learning a sign language • It can help your child learn specialized new vocabulary • In this situation signed videos can be like books for your child

From birth it is important to give children your attention and look into their eyes. Your gaze contributes to their healthy brain development.

At all stages of development your child needs your attention. They benefit when you are able to respond promptly. No parent can do this all of the time, but when you do:

# It helps your child develop communication skills # It shows your child how important they are to you and builds the bond between you

Your child needs a strong bond with at least one responsive and loving adult. This will support their mental health and well-being as they grow.

DID YOU KNOW? Children are communicating long before they start using words. When babies cry they are letting us know that they need something. They can communicate their wants and needs in subtle ways, such as by looking at the things they want or are interested in. When we are responsive to ALL the ways our child can communicate, we are helping to support optimal language development. Many parents will have this experience – their baby cries but then stops when a parent enters the room. The child is starting to make the connection between their actions and the adult’s response.

ARMADILLO