|I found a sequence in a chaotic time.
A Flower seeks the strength and the beauty in the filthy ground.
Through the texture and the hue in her feather I gain the power of rebirth.
Through the texture and the hue in her feather I gain the power of rebirth.
100 DAYS Who I am: Along With the God.
Be a Empath person 31 for years, I was always living in other people’s expectation and be a replica of someone who I loved. I’ve spent a most of time in few relationships to shape them becoming a better person. Despite I finally lost everything, my real personalty, smile and hope, I still choose love. Fortunately I did not lose my soul��, but lost in my life. Yes, that’s who I was: A person who need relying on the other people to define herself. After doing a deeply reflection I finally understood a simple principle:“SURRENDER”. Although this huge abyss which I have no idea how long I will be staying, I accept it and appreciate it. I thank this struggle so that I have an alone time to find my true voice.
“For those fe foreknow he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son.”-ROMANS 8:29
THU, Sep 1 100 DAYS
The bad feelings of human beings often were refused to acknowledge, therefore, we’ve hidden the thousand of emotions in our subconscious. “I am good.’’ We are really good at cheat our heart so that to bring out so many relationship problems into our life.
Sometimes my anger was suppressed for peace because I usually put other’s feelings before me even though the situation was driving me crazy. In one day, when the bottle which is emotion’s house was blow-up. “Ghoster” will be my little name. I run away, out of all the relationship including my boyfriend, family and friends as fast as I can then backing off my alone cave lets my chaos feeling out. As I’ve been ready, I will return to the previous Fri, Sep 2
“For my yoke is easy and my burden light.”-MATTHEW 11:30
Fri, Sep 2 100 DAYS Who I am: Along With the God.
100 DAYS
Sat, Sep 3
Yesterday I met my friend Ariel. She was stucked by her career as well as she keeps a lot of working pressure on her smooth hair.
“ I’m swamped with work! “ she said with the rush tone when she arrived.
Ariel is an iron lady in addition she is getting involved a many of kind jobs. Backing and forth from south to East of Taiwan is her daily.
“ Sometimes it makes me going to pieces and I must disappear for one day to deal with it. ”
She means her emotions.
“ I’m not like you, you’re so spiritual. I have a lot on my plate.”
“ Going to deep my inner center? No, I don’t dare do that.” She shook her head vigorously.
“ I’m so scared, I think that will be a huge abyss which could be ruining my life.”
I listened very quietly during at that time. I really want to give her some advise but I did not do. I though if I did, it could be as against with her opinion. I will tell her by the time she asks me.
What’s my advise? I am not a master or prophet. I am just a micro bird in my nest��.
strenuously and slowly. On the contrary, you will sprint easily when the weight gets down. By the other hand, The Yoke leads you to the deep pressure before it leds you to new world.
Today I will follow my heart and listen carefully what it want to say to me.
“Try not to become a man of success. Rather Sat, Sep 3 100 DAYS Who I am: Along With the God.
“Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.” LUCK 5:4
These few days are Typhoon, foggy, windy, but the tranquil atmosphere makes me feel good. The cotton candy, I mean, the cloud, flying in the vast sky, they give me a big smile. I hear they tell me don’t be afraid.
Getting wet on my shoes in the raining day?
No! I can’t image. However, I move very carefully, and step by step to jump the stagnant water. It seems like playing hopscotch. Obviously, in the inner center I am still a little girl.
100 DAYS
While I found I was falling in my thought meanwhile I am staring the broken, twinkle street light on my balcony. The broken one blinks very hard. Due to I am on the 19 floor, it is suppose to a shining star. Conversely for driver or people on the ground, (Eww sound plus a scrunched face) it’s totally not ok. Put yourself in one’s shoes- indeed. Are you welling to exchange my wet shoes? �� It could be a very empathy! Just kidding. Maybe I should learn from the LUKE 5:4 in Bible, Going to the deep water without any fear and catching a great number of fish, shouldn’t I?
Mon, Sep 5 100 DAYS
Today, when I woke up, my heart voice told me that she didn’t want to execute this plan first but playing the piano. However, I was confused and scared the voice I heard, in particular I am unpredictable so that I usually tend to procrastinate what I am suppose to do. As a matter of fact, following in head instead heart which makes me be a life spoiler. So, I have decided to be spontaneous today, I mean… for now on?
I practiced HONON 1-4 and Waltz 175 of Chopin. While the melody was coming out of my fingers, I was satisfied and, Every note touched my heart. Despite I am a beginner of piano as well as I play terrible, I appreciate myself sincerely.
I did not learn to accept my all shortcoming and allowing me to make a mistake, until now.
“ Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
This morning, after the Mass and the yoga class, I felt exhausted. Maybe I was late to sleep yesterday night, or I thought that Covid-19 came to knock me, and said hi to me. Soon I was seized with drowsy of my head when I got home, which is a lunch time. I couldn’t keep my eyes on in spite of I was trying to pick up my energy hardly, I had chosen to take a nap.
However, I could barely to go in the deep sleep due to the rabbit, cats, which are my pet whom making a huge noise. (Actually it was a tiny sound.) Headache, difficulty breath with anxiety was caused by the tiny noise. It’s not a normal situation I realized. This condition recalls me that I have a lot of similar experiences from the childhood to the adulthood. I searched the Google, “Misophonia” ? Oh, my dear. Tue, Sep 6
I recognize that I was being sensitive by the loud voice for a long time, started from my par ents were always fighting each other when I was a kid. ( No offense, I love them.)
I’m glad to observe this news, meanwhile I thought that I should be a micro explore-Ein stein!��
In conclusion, my mom said me a brave girl, ac cepting Childhood Trauma gladly and trying to solve the problem I meet everyday, seeking help as well as speaking to someone else. Today, I embrace myself. Sixth day, proud myself. ��
“Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth.” Colossians 3:2
Wed, Sep 7
It is particularly hard to persist a long-term plan when you were frustrated by rabbit’s poo poo, especially it makes everywhere in your tranquil house.
He or She? I haven’t known the gender. Please allow me call ‘HE’ before I take him to the veterinary.
He is a one-year-old dwarf rabbit, which adopted from pet shop. I have been to visit him often when I moved in this town, and I noticed that no one willing to buy him for one year. So I pitied him.
Pity me now. I just got as mad as hell this morning.
For instead, I told myself: It’s good time be cause it’s an opportunity to figure out the new area I’ve never met: CLEAN POO POO EVERYWHERE.
No way, this is not going to happen! meant, maybe some idea I haven’t discovered yet.
Indeed, I should learn that don’t focus on the itself of the problem instead the essence of the happening, It will be very clear when you on the 19 floor.(Day 4)
“ He that fashioneth the hearts of them all, That considereth all their works.”
Psalm 33:15
Wed, Sep 7
Thu, Sep 8 100 DAYS Who I am: Along With the
- A message was written on Music sheet by my piano teacher.
“He replied, ‘If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, “Be uprooted and planted in the sea,” and it will obey you.”Luke 17:6
DAYS Who I am: Along With the God. Thu, Sep 8
100 DAYS
Fri, Sep 9
Which the best memory you have been treasuring in your life?
My memory? Hmm… I think you can barely believe it.
When I was in my last semester of high school, we must to do a solo exhibition which was including CIS(Corporate Identity System) poster, package and marker pen painting…so on, in oder to get a final score.
“For
to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”Romans 8:6 Fri, Sep 9
Sat, Sep 10
When I had gotten back my composure, I was sitting on the Gastric lavage chair. Also I found I was tied up by the several ropes and I was put the Anti-bite retainer in my mouth by the medical staff. I struggled, screamed, and cry out. Unfortunately, there was no one could hear me in the isolation room. When I was finally calm, a nurse came, told me that we should transfer to another ward. I was literally angry at my mother because she had decided to let me hospitalized without my permission. I was very scared when I realized my freedom was limited by hospital. Meanwhile I couldn’t prepare my exhibition which had been my heart-blood. Also I couldn’t go to the school.
There was no any sense I was trapped in such a terrible circumstance, I could’t bare it.
However, 2 days after, I changed my mind. I assumed, maybe I belonged here where makes me feel comfortable, peace ful, and tranquil. Sat, Sep 10
“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”Corinthians 2:9
Sun Sep 11
The crowd, who were surrounding and staring at me while I was painting. I was allowed to draw in the ward because my mother bagged the doctor that her daughter could barely leave a life, which was nothing to do. Doctor agreed. My mother took me a box of oily colored pencil, few maker pens and papers. Also, my favorite artist: Dali’s book.
Let’s go back to the first paragraph I was taking about, the people surrounded by me. They told me I was glowing when I was painting although they didn’t know what I was drawing about. The one of their daily routine was watching my performance, then we became friends.
Why my favorite time is in the Mental treasured time, It’s been a 5 years later, That memory recalled me I formerly had crazy also hate my career. As a matter of fact, I prefer a job without any compete and pressure. However, it’s not going to happen because competition is our nature. It’s seems like we have to fight for ourselves, parents and friends, meanwhile, in order to fulfill the expectation of people, we tried everything we could do. Mon, Sep 12
It’s tired. To be who we truly are! Follow our heart: Love will find its way out, guiding you a new area you’ve never thought.
“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”Corinthians 2:9