ELIFE magazine Fall 2023

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ERIE, COLORADO’S PREMIERE MAGAZINE CELEBRATING ERIE’S LIFESTYLE, PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS elifemagazine.org PUMPKIN SOUP MEET AN RICHARDSON THE MOUNTAINS ARE CALLING FALL GIFTS CHRONIC ILLNESS BIO SCANS & PARASITES FALL 2023 COLORADO BUILDERS Forced to Adapt or Die!
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IS YOUR CURRENT HOME THE RIGHT FIT FOR YOU? Contact the Fowler Group... Erie’s Top Producing Realtors and a TOP 1.5 % REAL ESTATE TEAM IN THE U.S. for your move! WHAT WE PROVIDE AND WHY WE’RE DIFFERENT: • Changing Market Expertise (We’re on top of changes so you get top dollar) • Multiple Staging Options (Staged homes sell faster for more money) • Multi-Platform Marketing of your Home (Generating traffic to your listing) • The Fowler Legacy (3 Generations to lean on-puts more dollars in your pocket) Redefining Your Real Estate Experience Call for an appointment 720-893-1685 info@thefowlergroupcolorado.com thefowlergroupcolorado.com
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Our Passion is You!

T e a m F r o n t R a n g e i s a c t i v e a n d w e l l c o n n e c t e d i n t h e h o m e b u i l d i n g i n d u s t r y . A s y o u r g o - t o r e a l t o r s f o r n e w c o n s t r u c t i o n , w e h a v e a c c e s s t o a n e x t e n s i v e n e t w o r k o f b u i l d e r s a n d d e v e l o p e r s i n t h e F r o n t R a n g e . T h i s m e a n s y o u g e t V I P t r e a t m e n t a n d p r i o r i t y a c c e s s t o t h e h o t t e s t l i s t i n g s b e f o r e t h e y h i t t h e m a r k e t . W e ' l l k e e p y o u i n f o r m e d a b o u t u p c o m i n g p r o j e c t s , p r e - s a l e s , a n d e x c l u s i v e i n c e n t i v e s , e n s u r i n g y o u d o n ' t m i s s o u t o n a n y o p p o r t u n i t y ! W i t h o v e r 1 , 0 0 0 n e w h o m e s s o l d w e h a v e e a r n e d o u r p l a c e a s t h e t o p a g e n t s f o r n e w c o n s t r u c t i o n .

L e t u s h e l p g u i d e y o u t h r o u g h t h e p r o c e s s o f b u i l d i n g y o u r d r e a m h o m e .

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Snoring • Jaw Clicking/Popping • Jaw (TMJ) Pain • Grinding/Clenching of Teeth • Headaches/Migraines • Difficulty Opening Mouth • Difficulty Closing Mouth • Sensitive Teeth • Restless Sleep • Night Sweats

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INSIDE Feature Meet An Richardson Home Colorado Builders Forced to Adapt or Die! Parenting Building Social Capital is Critical for Strong Relationships but ADHD Can Get in the Way FEATURES FEATURE & FASHION Meet An Richardson Trisha Ventker 18 30 HOME Colorado Builders Forced to Adapt or Die! David Hakimi 46 FOOD & WINE Pumpkin Soup Trisha Ventker HEALTH & BEAUTY Discover the Key to Your Child’s Well-Being: Early Intervention of Sleep Issues Dr. Chase Edwards HEALTH & BEAUTY Surprising Root Causes of Chronic Illness Martha Walker PARENTING Building Social Capital is Critical for Strong Relationships but ADHD Can Get in the Way Cheryl McGuire 18 30 72 ELIFE magazine cover image and image by Trisha Ventker 54 58 72 PETS The Mountains Are Calling Jaime Bessko 78 GIFT GUIDE Fall Gifts Trisha Ventker 86

Success can be achieved by any business if it solves a problem and garner’s viral visibility for their brand.

The more consumers know your brand, the more likely they are to use your business.

Trisha Ventker is an author, photographic artist, branding expert and social media infuencer and publisher of ELIFE, NoCo, Denver Colorado Luxury magazines. Reader impressions are approaching 12 million for the magazines, with the Denver publication being worldwide.

She is best known for her first book Internet Dates From Hell which had the movie rights to it optioned by Paula Wagner. Trisha is also one of the first Indie book authors to have a book optioned for the big screen.

Trisha is originally from New York City, presently residing in Erie, Colorado for the last 15+ years, with her husband and her teen son.

TRISHA VENTKER Editor in Chief
ELIFE magazine

THERAPY WITH ME IS NOT LYING ON A COUCH EXPRESSING EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR CHILDHOOD. INSTEAD, WE WILL PLAN AND TALK. WE WILL LAUGH AND CRY. AND SOON ENOUGH … YOU WILL

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3 0 3 . 8 0 8 . 7 7 9 6 m a r y h i l l p r o p e r t i e s . c o m

AN RICHARDSON

Feature

Meet An

QA & with AN RICHARDSON

Q. Tell us about you and your business. Where did you originally come from and what made you decide to go into the garage business?

A. Hi my name is An and I am married to Doug. We have lovely 2 children. We’ve been married for thirteen years. We originally met over work from afar, then met in Saigon. Two years later we had a traditional Vietnamese wedding in Saigon. I have owned The Nail Lounge in Erie for 7 years. I love doing nail art design. I always wanted to own a salon where I can grow my own business.

Q. What is your favorite part of your business?

A. My favorite part of my buisness is doing the nail art as well as working with nice people.

Q. What is your motto or philosophy?

A. Live with mindfulness - No mud, no lotus.

Q. Why did you select Erie as the place to start your business years ago?

A. I started to look for a location in the area. I heard Erie was going to grow, so I felt that this was a potential place to start my business. I have conducted business with my heart, my passion and my love to all people I have met. I think I am very blessed to get over the most difficulties and challenges during the Covid years and I am so grateful for all of people who support us in any situation.

Q. How do you give back to the community and non-profits?

A. I have donated to many organizations such as: Erie High School, Aspen Ridge Elementary, Breast Cancer Support in Anthem Ranch to name a few.

Q. What are your goals for the next year at The Nail Lounge?

A. My goals are to grow my business and continue to offer excellent customer service to my clients.

ELIFE magazine

AUTUMN AWAKENING

photographer: trisha ventker @trishaventker

stylist, hair and makeup artist: tiaja pierre @tiajamaisonbeaute model: an richardson fashion: rust sweater, top and jeans from Maurice’s traditional dress from Viet Nam, black shoes

At iRoof, We Care! SERVING HOMES & BUSINESSES SINCE 2011 Based in Erie, CO we are the local company you can trust. Offering FREE inspections! Call us today for details! iRoofandRestoration|Erie,CO80516|303-551-0114| iroofrestoration.com

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Whether you are looking for a home to live in or to develop a portfolio, they are the team to guide you!

Chelsey Franklin & Brooke Lepine BROKER ASSOCIATES REALTORS®

Home

ELIFE magazine Colorado Builders Forced to Adapt or Die!

COLORADO BUILDERS FORCED TO ADAPT OR DIE!

Prior to the pandemic if you would have asked most builders in Colorado what they thought of Lennar and their “Everything’s Included” business model, most of them would have dismissed it as a strategy only suited to selling cheap starter homes. To be fair, prior to the pandemic that was probably a pretty fair assessment. When rates were in the low 2%’s, buying power was at an all time high. People could afford to hand-pick the absolute nicest finishes available, and go wild in builder’s design centers.

Fast- forward to March of 2022… The party came to a screeching halt when mortgage rates spiked from 3% to 7% practically overnight. Builders who just a year before couldn’t build homes fast enough to meet demand, were now seeing contracts get cancelled in droves. Buyers no longer qualified to close on the homes they contracted just a few months prior. A home that was easily affordable with a 2.25% rate was now a pipe-dream at 6.875%.

Fortunately, most homebuilders are extremely resourceful. Many of them also happen to be multi-billion dollar corporations, large enough to own their own mortgage banks. So large in fact that they have the ability to manipulate interest rates considerably. They pre-purchase hundreds of millions of dollars of mortgage money at below-market rates. However, they can only “lock-in” those below-market rates for a couple months max. They typically have to lend it out within 60-90 days or lose it. In order to do that, they need thousands of completed homes in their nationwide inventory, ready to sell. This is where the ability to construct homes fast becomes a huge advantage.

Offering too many structural options, and sourcing materials from hundreds of vendors, became a logistical nightmare for most builders during the pandemic. It caused constant delays, budgeting issues, and created more opportunities for construction errors. The shortage of trades made fixing those errors a bigger problem than normal. Builders like Lennar, who limited options for customization, reduced their exposure to all of these issues. Fewer vendors and less customization equaled less complexity and better pricing on their materials. This allowed for much faster build times, better profits, and the ability to pass along lower prices on their homes. While other builders were taking 12-15 months to build a home, builders like Lennar routinely finished a similar sized home in only 6-8 months. They also charged less for it, and financed it at an interest rate often a full 2% below the typical rates offered by banks.

The business model that their competitors dismissed as a low-end way to operate just a few years earlier, was now running circles around them. It wasn’t long before many of those builders found themselves scrambling to convert to this business model. It quickly became apparent that reducing choices, building quick move-in spec inventory, and using it to deliver below-market interest rates, was the winning formula for survival in the postpandemic market. Over half of the builders active in the Erie/Broomfield area have now almost entirely eliminated their design centers. The majority of tract home builders in Colorado have now transitioned to the practice of almost exclusively building spec inventory, offered with pre-selected options packages. The ability to offer 4.99% financing when most outside lenders are quoting 7% plus, was just too powerful of a tool for them to miss out on.

David Hakimi has consistently been one of the top producing Realtors in Erie, and the North Denver suburbs. His team, Colorado’s Elite, has achieved production in the top 1/2 of 1% of all Berkshire Hathaway Teams Nationwide for six consecutive years, earning them the Legend Award with Berkshire Hathaway. David personally specializes in new-construction, and has had multiple articles on new-construction published by the National Association of Realtors. He also has a strong YouTube presence on the topic. youtube.com/@DavidSellsDenver/featured

S c h e d u l e A F r e e C o n s u l t a t i o n C a l l T o d a y 7 2 0 - 4 4 3 - 5 8 4 9 WARKENTINE LAW OFFICE Compassion, Knowledge And Experience You Can Rely On. C a l l T h e W a r k e n t i n e L a w O f f i c e f o r a F r e e 3 0 - M i n u t e C o n s u l t a t i o n F a m i l y L a w D i v o r c e a n d L e g a l S e p a r a t i o n M e d i a t i o n D i v i s i o n o f p r o p e r t y a n d d e b t C h i l d C u s t o d y a n d P a r e n t i n g t i m e P r e n u p t i a l a n d P o s t n u p t i a l A g r e e m e n t s W i l l s a n d E s t a t e P l a n n i n g The Warkentine Law Office successfully combines decades of legal experience with an up-to-date knowledge and understanding of complex family law issues. We serve clients in Broomfield and throughout the Denver metro area. F a m i l y L a w & E s t a t e P l a n n i n g S e r v i c e s Phone: 720-443-5849 Toll Free: 800-584-3034 Fax: 303-466-7466 Warkentine Law Office 720 Burbank Street Broomfield, CO 80020 warkentinelaw.com W FREE 30 MIN CONSULTATION LGQTB+ Friendly We 're a safe space and also have experience with same sex marriage resolutions

The Setting Every Community Up for Retirement Enhancement 2.0 Act of 2022 (SECURE 2.0) was signed into law on Dec. 29, 2022. This bill is designed to strengthen the retirement savings system by extending and expanding your savings opportunities. The effective dates vary greatly, with some provisions effective immediately and others deferred several years into the future.

Of the more than 90 provisions in SECURE 2.0, a few key highlights include:

• Increase in the required minimum distribution (RMD) beginning age to 73 in 2023 and 75 in 2033

• Higher retirement plan contribution limits for certain individuals

• Additional Roth retirement plan options

• Employer matches for qualified student loan payments

• Ability to roll over 529 assets to a Roth IRA for the 529 beneficiary

• New or expanded penalty exceptions for early withdrawals

Let’s set up a time to discuss whether these new rules could impact your retirement goals.

RES-15912-A EXP 28 FEB 2025 © 2023 EDWARD D. JONES & CO., L.P. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. AECSPAD
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If given the opportunity to earn your business I will promise you the best customer experience. We want to show you why we are the best, not the biggest, but the best. We care about all of our customers and want to earn a customer for life by educating you on products, service, and replacement equipment. We want what is best for you, our customer. Thank you for your time and we look forward to helping you with all of your garage door questions or concerns, big or small.

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WHY CHOOSE THE GARAGE DOCTOR

The Garage Doctor is a small, growing business focused on customer satisfaction. Standing by our motto of “Friendly, Honest, and Affordable”, we will go the extra mile to ensure our customers receive excellent service and products at a competitive rate.

 18 Years in Business  Solutions for our Customers  Dedication to Customer Service  Educate the Customer  Passionate about Garage Doors  Free Estimates ) 303.345.4707 * i info.tgd.co@gmail.com : www.t thegaragedoctor.com #1 RATED GARAGE DOOR COMPANY IN DENVER FREE ESTIMATES | RESIDENTIAL | LIGHT COMMERCIAL Garage Door Sales, Service, And Installation
We pride ourselves on educating our customers, providing resolutions and products to best fit their individual circumstances. We approach each project on a case-bycase scenario and put the customer’s best interest ahead of our own to uphold our outstanding customer service record and, in return, earn a customer for life. Thank you so much for choosing The Garage Doctor, we value your business. #1 RATED GARAGE
A WORD FROM THE OWNER

WHAT WE DO ...

Southpaw Electric is an electrical contracting company specializing in commercial, residential and industrial contracting. With our highly-qualified and certified electricians we’ll make sure your job is both done right and within your budget. We also offer specialized electrical work such as automated systems, audio-visual, communications and computer networking. Everything your business or home requires to up and running efficiently.

Our dedication to our customers and customer service is top-notch. We’ll work with you to make sure all your needs are met and make recommendations to save you time and money. State licensed in Colorado, owned and operated by a Master Electrician for more than 15 years. We are the premier electrical contracting company in Boulder County.

Lutron Pro Gold Residential Certified

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Erie, CO. | southpawelectric.com
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Zenith is a locally owned and operated window cleaning company providing top of the line residential and commercial window cleaning services. We provide all customers with Quality work and Dependable service. Our crew is fully trained and insured and they are the friendliest window cleaners that you will ever meet. Zenith serves Erie and the Front Range. Contact Tom today 720-600-2013 zenithwindowcleaning.com A NEW LEVEL OF CLEAN!

Perfect views for Your Next Event

Vista Ridge Community Center has an atmosphere and many amenities to make your event everything you ' ve imagined. Our venue overlooks a world class golf course and has one of Colorado's most beautiful mountain views. Not only does our views " wow " all that see it, it truly takes the cake.

Ensure your gathering has the character and space it deserves. Our space possesses rich wood trimming and elegant stonework that will impress, while putting your guests at ease. For your culinary preparation, use our spacious kitchen, A beautiful deck , lawn and pavilion are perfect for your outdoor needs.

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www.coelderlaw.com · 303-454-3711 · Offices in Erie and Denver Estate Planning · Elder Law · Wills · Trusts · Probate · Special Needs Planning Th is Fall, plan for those who m a tter most.
Lighting Wiring and Rewiring Fault Finding Electric Car Chargers Smoke Alarms Switches Landscape Lighting Hot Tubs ELECTRICAL SERVICES Look no further than our team. We provide comprehensive electrical solutions for residential customers, ensuring that your needs are met with efficiency and excellence. Call for a FREE QUOTE! Our Services: CONTACT US 720.526.7566 Serving Erie and Northern Colorado
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Food & Wine

Pumpkin Soup Recipe

ELIFE magazine

RECIPE PUMPKIN SOUP

BY TRISHA VENTKER

ELIFE magazine
SHARED

INGREDIENTS

2 whole pie pumpkins

1 qt. vegetable or chicken stock

1/2 c. heavy cream

1/3 c. maple syrup

dash of nutmeg

salt to taste

Extra cream and toasted pumpkin seeds, for serving

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Place pumpkins on a cookie sheet and roast them until slightly shriveled and soft. Allow to cool slightly, then slice in half and carefully scoop out seeds and pulp. Scoop yummy flesh into a bowl. Set aside.

In a pot, heat up the pumpkin flesh with the stock and maple syrup until simmering. Mash out the big chunks, the transfer the mixture to a blender or food processor (or use an immersion blender) and puree until velvety smooth. Add cream and nutmeg, then blend again. Season with salt to taste.

Reheat if you need to, or just go ahead and serve!

ELIFE magazine

Blake’s Taphouse is an upscale Beer emporium that offers at least 40 different craft beers on tap, wide varieties of imports, local craft beers and a selection of wine. Blake’s Taphouse’s will compliment the dining experience with fresh non fried food options and daily specials.

In addition to the premium craft beer experience, music and sports are an essential part of Blake’s Taphouse model. Our knowledgeable and friendly staff are here to provide outstanding service by delivering the best in quality craft beer, wine and a wonderful fresh food menu to provide a memorable dining experience.

THE ULTIMATE CRAFT BEER BAR FAMILY EXPERIENCE 16860 Sheridan Parkway Broomfield | blakestaphouse.com | 720.583.2920
– PIRIPI –EAT DRINK RELAX 615 Briggs St | Erie, CO | 720-328-0787 Join Owner and Executive Chef of Piripi, Hugo Meyer and enjoy his authentic plates as they showcase locally sourced ingredients. Come dine with us and enjoy a culinary experience through the eyes of a world traveler.
Weddings Anniversary Parties Corporate Events Birthday Parties Homecomings Holiday Parties Quinceaneras Sweet 16's and more EVERYONE LOVES A GOOD PARTY EXPERT DJ SERVICES FOR ALL YOUR PARTY NEEDS musicbythemile@gmail.com musicbythemile.com 720.723.9438
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Health & Beauty

ELIFE magazine Discover the Key to Your Child’s Well-being: Early Intervention for Sleep Issues

DISCOVER THE KEY TO YOUR CHILD’S WELL-BEING: EARLY INTERVENTION FOR SLEEP ISSUES DR. CHASE EDWARDS DDS

Unlock the door to your child’s healthy growth, academic potential, and overall well-being. Sleep issues in children may be linked to improper growth, oral habits, and a range of other problems that persist throughout life if left untreated. It’s time to take action and ensure a bright future for your little one.

As the saying goes, “every adult on a CPAP machine was once a child with sleep disordered breathing.” We all want better for our children. That’s why early intervention is crucial. Don’t let them suffer silently.

Are you noticing any of these signs in your child?

• Unusual sleeping positions like hyperextension of the neck or the tripod position while on their stomach

• Frequent awakenings throughout the night, disrupting their restful sleep

• Noisy breathing, mouth breathing, snoring, or teeth grinding during the night

• Struggling with bed wetting, which may be connected to their sleep issues

• Experiencing nightmares or night terrors, making their nights more distressing

• Battling allergies, asthma, and recurrent infections, potentially caused by disrupted sleep

• Exhibiting daytime sleepiness and fatigue, impacting their energy and focus

• Demonstrating inattentiveness, impulsiveness, or restlessness, affecting their daily functioning

While this list serves as a starting point, there are more symptoms of Sleep Disordered Breathing to consider. If any of these signs resonate with your child’s experiences, it’s time to take the next step.

Dr. Edwards at TMJ & Sleep Solutions is a trusted healthcare professional specializing in airway health. With expertise in this field, Dr. Edwards can provide a comprehensive evaluation and help uncover the underlying causes of your child’s sleep issues. Early intervention strategies will be crafted specifically for your child’s needs, setting them on the path to a healthier future.

ELIFE magazine
ELIFE magazine
That’s why early intervention is crucial. Don’t let them suffer silently.

DO

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DID YOU KNOW THAT THESE DEVELOPMENTAL AND FUNCTIONAL DISORDERS CAN LEAD TO OBSTRUCTED BREATHING AND POOR SLEEP AT ANY AGE?

• tongue and lip ties

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Health & Beauty

ELIFE magazine
Surprising Root Causes of Chronic Illness

SURPRISING ROOT CAUSES OF CHRONIC ILLNESS

MARTHA

Janet cleared her acne with a liver cleanse. Lou solved her insomnia with a probiotic nasal spray. Kiona crushed her chronic joint pain by completing a 21-day parasite cleanse. Jackson shrank three inches from his bloated waist after killing a candida overgrowth.

How did each client discover their specific health solution? Biofeedback technology!

In each case, the answer wasn’t obvious to the problem. That’s how a Personalized Bioscan can be a lifesaver. Individual symptoms require personalized wellness. Imagine the clarity of seeing what is happening inside your body, printed out in an easy to read report. The computerized biofeedback technology scans your body to find imbalances and overgrowths. Analyzing this tool helps clients like you recover from chronic illness.

Eat Sleep Play Meditate believes that food, sleep, exercise and nervous system regulation are the four pillars of health. The first step in your road to wellness is to personalize each of these aspects to your specific body type. (Not everyone should be drinking bone broth. Some clients may be sleeping too much.) Many clients can reverse symptoms by personalizing and refining their food and lifestyle habits.

Others need the secondary line of defense provided by biofeedback analysis. Proper supplementation can also be used to balance gut bacteria and relieve chronic symptoms. At ESPM, we are ready to support you on your health investigation, with this wide range of tools.

Biofeedback is a great next step if you suffer from any of these chronic symptoms: gas and bloating, skin irritations, disrupted sleep, achy joints, mood swings, strong food cravings, unexplained weight gain/loss, abdominal pain, or headaches.

Martha’s bioscan process utilizes technology called Electrodermal Screening. There are two components of this system, as seen in the picture: the hand probes and the feedback plate.

During the session, you will hold the copper probe in your left hand while Martha manipulates the pen to the inside of your right palm. The probes measure your skin’s electrical response (similar to pulse) along an acupuncture point on your palm. EDS senses your body’s reaction to various stimuli through the computer program and provides a score between 0 and 100. By recording high/ low score variation throughout the session, we build a picture of what is causing your symptoms. Martha relies on this system to investigate food sensitivities, gut imbalances and pathogens (such as fungi, bacteria, viruses, parasites).

The feedback plate is attached to the computer system and is highly sensitive to client reactions. You can bring supplements or foods to test on the plate. Think you might be reacting to your B12 pills, or that new salsa you bought? Bring it with you, we’ll load it on the plate, and test it against your body’s energy. Drink plenty of water before your appointment, since good hydration makes it easier to read and register scores (water conducts electricity).

The South African Medical Journal complimented the electrodermal system and reported conclusive test results in an article written in 2004. In this study, EDS correctly identified conditions in 88 percent of cases, when compared to modern hospital testing techniques.

Martha is certified in nutrition, personal training, yoga, meditation and biofeedback technology. She wants to be YOUR detective, confidante, cheerleader and health advisor. She suffered for a decade before being correctly diagnosed with and treated for chronic lyme disease, parasites, fungal infections and mold overgrowth. She has personal experience with chronic illness and researches the best tools and supplements. Martha will collaborate with your doctor to provide the highest level of comprehensive care. eatsleepplaymeditate.com

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Parenting

BUILDING SOCIAL CAPITAL IS CRITICAL FOR STRONG RELATIONSHIPS BUT ADHD CAN GET IN THE WAY

ELIFE magazine

BUILDING SOCIAL CAPITAL

IS CRITICAL FOR STRONG RELATIONSHIPS BUT ADHD CAN GET IN THE WAY

A group of medical school friends nominated Sasha Hamdani to create a memory book for their pregnant classmate. Hamdani worked hard on the task for several weeks. She printed pictures, gathered mementos and listened to stories about their friend. The book — meant to be a group gift for their classmate’s baby shower — was more than 100 pages long, with items such as anatomy class doodles and fabric from a white medical coat.

On the flight to the baby shower from Kansas, Hamdani realized when she was searching in her bag for her headphones that she had left the memory book behind. She felt awful. “I’m sure that half of the people here thought I never even made anything,” she recalled thinking.

Hamdani, now 35, was diagnosed with attentiondeficit/hyperactivity disorder at age 9. She frequently misplaces important items, runs late or struggles with a disorganized purse — all symptoms of ADHD. She has been labeled a “flake” because she forgets social engagements or to reply to texts. People have often told her, “If it was important to you, you’d remember.”

The repercussions of such missteps are an important yet underdiscussed issue for children and adults diagnosed with ADHD. While most people think of this disorder as causing difficulties with completing assignments in school or the workplace, it can also lead to a deficit in what experts call “social capital.”

“Social capital is the network and goodwill that you have with other people that help you not only accomplish tasks, but also [maintain] important social connections,” said Caroline Maguire, a family coach in Massachusetts and the author of “Why Will No One Play With Me?” Once you amass social capital, you can then draw on it by asking for help when needed.

Here are some reasons people with ADHD might not have much social capital to draw on, how a lack of such capital can affect them and what can be done to build social capital.

Why children and adults with ADHD sometimes lack social capital

Poorly managed ADHD. Failure to treat symptoms — such as not paying attention or being disorganized — with medication or counseling, can lead to relationship problems. For example, a person with ADHD may forget to put away their clothes or leave dirty dishes on the table, annoying their partner. Over time, this can leave their partner feeling unsupported and resentful.

Even those who are being treated might skip their medication during the weekend, believing it’s unnecessary if they’re not at work or school. But weekends are when people socialize with friends or family. Ari Tuckman, a psychologist in Pennsylvania and the author of “ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship,” said that when people with ADHD don’t take their medication on weekends, they may experience problems in their relationships. One of Tuckman’s clients told her husband, who has ADHD, “Your co-workers get ‘Medicated Joe,’ and I get ‘Unmedicated Joe.’ ”

Trouble with social cues. Even with the proper medication, people who have ADHD may still struggle with paying attention to social cues. “If you don’t read social cues, which a lot of ADHD kids don’t, then they might not even realize the social ramifications” of their actions, Maguire said.

In social situations, people with ADHD may impulsively interrupt conversations or have trouble waiting their turn during a game. For example, if a group of children at a birthday party are all waiting patiently to hit a piñata, the child with ADHD might run up, jump to the head of the line and hit it. This might cause the other children to feel angry.

Ryan Wexelblatt, a clinical social worker in New Jersey who specializes in ADHD said that people with the disorder have trouble understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings. The partner of a person who has ADHD might consider their relationship onesided and think, “They’re asking me for something but not really giving anything in return,” he said. This inability to invest in social relationships also leads to a lack of social capital.

Lack of face-to-face peer interactions. Children who have ADHD might avoid in-person interactions because their difficulties with social cues lead to shallow connections. They’re often drawn to video games because of the stimulation they receive from them, Wexelblatt said. But when kids play video games or engage in other solitary activities, they aren’t spending time with peers or building relationships; instead, they’re retreating into an artificial world with superficial relationships.

Difficulty with executive-functioning skills. Organization, planning and memory are helpful not only in school or the workplace, but also in relationships. If a person with ADHD is always late to meet a friend for lunch, then that friend could eventually feel they can’t rely on that person or they don’t value their time.

“One social expectation is that you be on time. If you text me, you respond to my text,” said Maguire. If people with ADHD don’t adhere to these social norms, relationships can suffer. People with ADHD sometimes struggle with what experts call “time blindness” — when you are unaware of the passage of time. This behavior can also disrupt relationships.

“If they’re chronically late and they don’t have a real excuse and say, ‘Oh, I was on TikTok, and I just spaced,’ ” their friends will feel upset, said Anita Robertson, a clinical social worker in Texas and the author of, “ADHD & Us: A Couple’s Guide to Loving and Living With Adult ADHD.”

Other people’s misunderstanding of ADHD. “ADHD is not taken seriously, and it’s looked at as a character flaw,” Wexelblatt said. That can mean that people with ADHD aren’t given the benefit of the doubt in social situations or assumed to be “flakes,” as Hamdani has been labeled. For example, if a person tells their friend with ADHD about an upcoming job interview that they are nervous about, but that friend later forgets to ask how it went, it could be misinterpreted as not caring.

How a lack of social capital affects children and adults with ADHD

A lack of social capital may translate to a lack of friends. A 2021 study done at the Peres Academic Center in Israel found that parents of children with ADHD perceived their kids as lonelier than those without the diagnosis. “These kids [with ADHD] may not get the same number of invitations to hang out,” Tuckman said.

A 2019 study conducted at the University at Buffalo showed that adults with ADHD experienced more interpersonal problems compared to those without the diagnosis. They may try to make up for their lack of social capital by being people-pleasers.

“They tend to get involved in romantic relationships with people who take advantage of them,” Wexelblatt said. Alternatively, they may overpromise to make up for past mistakes. But that sets people up for failure, said J. Russell Ramsay, a clinical psychologist and the author of five books related to adult ADHD. “They think that there’s no way I can keep up with this.”

Whether a child or adult, Maguire said, “if you don’t feel like your social connections are successful, then you start to lack confidence, and it spirals.”

How to build social capital

Manage ADHD symptoms. One way to build social capital is by managing ADHD symptoms through medication and counseling. When symptoms like inattention, disorganization and impulsivity are managed, then the person with ADHD will be able to interact with others in socially acceptable ways.

Another way to help people with ADHD be successful in relationships is to create routines and structure. If the expectation is specific, like taking out the garbage every Wednesday night at 6, then it becomes a habit that is easier to remember.

BUILDING SOCIAL

CAPITAL

IS CRITICAL FOR STRONG RELATIONSHIPS BUT ADHD CAN GET IN THE WAY

Set up positive social environments. Ramsay said that often children don’t have a social-skills deficit; rather, they have trouble understanding when to appropriately use the skills. People with ADHD can improve their social skills through an exercise Maguire created called “Social Spy.” Go to a location where people like to gather and watch them (discreetly), paying attention to social norms like turn-taking. Then challenge yourself to detect social cues.

Robertson suggested turning tasks into games for both kids and adults, to make them more interesting and enjoyable. “ADHD brains are at their best when they’re having fun,” the clinical social worker wrote in her book. For example, you could say, “I’m going to time you and see how fast you can put the laundry away.” You could ask them to guess how fast they can do the task or see if they could beat their record from the last time.

Educating others about ADHD. Parents may need to educate teachers or their child’s friends about ways their child with ADHD might struggle with relationships. Kids and adults with ADHD may also need to help other people understand their disorder.

“Often it’s psychoeducation for the non-ADHD partner about what ADHD is and is not, and what will be the frustrating points in relationships,” Ramsay said. He cautioned that people with ADHD are still responsible for their share of expectations, like household chores. But sometimes the nonADHD person may incorrectly infer meaning to behaviors — for instance, if my partner forgets to mow the lawn, that means that they don’t care about the relationship. Tuckman also discussed the importance of talking openly instead of making assumptions. “Try to create a relationship where both people can be honest and direct.”

Resources like Children and Adults with AttentionDeficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) and the website “ADDitude” can help people with ADHD and their families or friends.

Maguire is a writer based in Massachusetts. Find her on Twitter: @CherylMaguire05.

ELIFE magazine
K9 CONNECTION

THE MOUNTAINS ARE CALLING

One of my favorite ways to bond with a dog is through exercise! I love when we hit the mountain trails for adventurous off leash hikes, and I also love going for casual leashed strolls around our local parks.

Here are a few trails that we love and many of these allow dogs to be off leash:

• South Park 600 to Square Top Lakes, near Georgetown, Colorado. Let me know if you can make it up to the Lakes! Our dogs love to swim in the freezing Alpine water!

• Alderfer 3 Sisters Park. Beautiful trails in Evergreen, Co

• Butler Gulch Trail, near Empire, Co.

• Saint Mary’s Glacier, near Idaho Springs

• Jones Pass, near Georgetown, Co

• Silver Dollar Lake and Murray Lake Trail, Guanella Pass, Co

And a few local on-leash walks that we enjoy:

• Waneka Lake, Lafayette Co

• Thomas Reservoir, Erie, Co

• Niwot Loop Trailhead, Niwot, Co

• Chataqua Park in Boulder, Co

• As always, we practice polite etiquette when out exercising with our dogs. We don’t allow them to greet other dogs while they’re on leash, we don’t allow them to run up to other people or dogs when they’re off leash, we don’t allow them to chase wildlife, and we always leave no trace! If you need help with training your dog for the trails, reach out to me at Erie Dog Co!

Jaime Bessko lives in Erie, Colorado with her husband, 2 boys, 3 dogs and 2 cats. She’s a dog trainer and the owner of ERIE DOG CO. Jaime’s philosophy on working with dogs is to communicate clearly, be consistent, praise your dog and HAVE FUN! Some of her favorite pastimes are hiking, snowboarding, painting, reading and enjoying Phish. Jaime can be reached at https://eriedogco.com

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ELIFE magazine

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