Misunderstanding Vinny Worsley

Misunderstanding

Vinny Worsley

Around 3,300 words in play, 3 actors needed. Dramatic Comedy.

Int. Principal’s Office

The first is Elliot, who has thick glasses and sits like he’s being electrocuted every time he moves. The second— Rafael— is perched forward with his head in his hands, wearing a nondescript hoodie. They both have backpacks by their feet. The only decorations are a standard wall clock, and two posters: one that says ‘NUT FREE ZONE, ’ and the other that advertises a football game. Behind them, a door opens, and an adult (preferably taller than both of them) steps out.

ADULT: Hello, Elliot. Rafael. Both boys sit up straighter when their name is called, adjusting themselves.

ADULT (pause): Are either of you going to tell me what happened? ELLIOT: I.. I swear, it’s all a mis— you see, it’s a misunderstanding..! Rafael snorts, and looks away. ADULT: Is something funny, young man? RAFAEL (mumbling): No. ADULT: Is something FUNNY about your classmate breaking her wrist? RAFAEL: No, there isn’t. While Rafael rolls his eyes, Elliot is nodding so hard, his glasses nearly come off.

ELLIOT: Right, you’re absolutely right. I am really, truly, extremely sorry about this misunderstanding, and I will go apologize to McKenna immediately, thank you for your— ADULT (cutting him off): NOT so fast, Elliot. I’m.. very sorry to say this...(spends a second gazing at him, looking sorry)...but an apology won’t get you out of this one. Not when the parents might sue. RAFAEL: ...And a child was sent to the ER. ADULT: Ah. Yes. Right. The adult is about to go back in through the door, when Elliot explodes out of his seat, unable to contain himself any longer. ELLIOT: WAIT! Wait! Please. I- I can explain everything. Rafael sits up, suspicious and interested. The adult tilts their head. ADULT: You can? Then, by all means.

Elliot gulps, and suddenly all the lights go out, save a single spotlight that goes up on him. He steps up and forward, clasps his hands nervously. The adult and Rafael are still frozen in the dark. ELLIOT: Well. So. It’s not exactly... it’s not the kind of story you would want to tell the assistant principal. It’s the kind of story you leave bits out of. Especially right before you’re about to go to the National Robotics Competition. Which, um, I’m the captain of our team, by the way. (He clears his throat, shaking himself out of it.) Not— not that it matters. The point is... I’m not the kinda kid who would end up here. I’m.. well, in movies, I would be called.. a nerd, and shoved into lockers. Or something. But... I’m not. Not here. Here, I’m.. sort of popular. Now, anyway. I just never thought it would go this far... (Sucks in a breath and looks around him, as if the situation is only now sinking in) ...Oh God, what do I SAY? I don’t think you can plead the 5th before you can vote... and.. (There is a pause, in which he grimaces, and chews his lip) My parents always said I was a good kid. But.. now... How can I tell the truth? The lights come back up, and as they do Elliot falls back into his chair. Time unfreezes, and he is in the same position he was left in. He tries very hard to smile naturally. He fails. ELLIOT: Well, you see.. I was.. I was eating lunch. It happened at lunchtime. I had my lunchbox open.. and McKenna wanted to sit with me, but.. The floor was wet. Slippery. It isn’t that much of a story— she just fell! Rafael is looking at him incredulously, and the Adult has their arms crossed tight. ADULT: And... how did she get up on the table? ELLIOT (voice cracking): What? RAFAEL: How did McKenna get up on the table? That's where she fell from.... Or is your memory giving you trouble? Before the boys’ glaring contest can get too intense, the Adult snaps at them.

ADULT: Why don’t YOU answer that question, Rafael? Don’t think it’s just him who’s on the hook. RAFAEL: Easy. McKenna was trying to get away from the crowd. ADULT: The crowd was already there by then? Elliot is angrier than a wet cat (all directed towards Rafael) but his companion is serenely smiling beside him. RAFAEL: That’s right. They came because Mr. Popular over here was handing out treats. ELLIOT (overlapping): I WAS GIVING THEM CANDY.

There is a short silence, in which the Adult’s eyebrows lift very high. Then the lights go out again, except this time the spotlight is on Rafael. He doesn’t get up out of his chair, but he does turn to the audience, and his voice becomes deep and serious. RAFAEL: Candy. Candy. Is that really the best cover this kid can come up with? It has to be his first time getting caught... He was almost professional up until now. Thankfully.., (stands up, adjusts his hoodie) So am I. Officer Rackton of the Streetsboro Police Department. I’ve been deep undercover at this school for months, trying to find the dealer behind our sudden influx of teenage drug abuse. Specifically, in over-the-counter drugs. Ritalin... Some Adderall, we think. We’ve had numerous reports of kids snorting crushed up substances, and acting suspiciously... twitchy.. for at least an hour afterwards. We traced the accounts back to here— then they sent me in to find the source. (He turns back, scoffs, and shakes his head.) I honestly can’t believe THIS is the guy doing it. You’d think.. Looking at his face, he’d wet his pants at the notion of cheating on a quiz. My 3-year-old nephew could clobber him! (Pause. He’s remembering, with a kind of disgusted awe.) But then.. There he was.. Every Thursday, handing out those.. cylinders all wrapped up in foil... You shoulda seen how the kids tore each other up to get one. (Thinks for a minute, his brow lowering. He growls.) Errrrghh, I was THIS close to getting the evidence! Then.. that McKenna girl... Who screams that much anyway? You could barely even see the bone...! Kids these days.... As he’s muttering after ‘evidence, ’ he walks backward slowly and sits down, arms folded, until the lights go up in a flash. ADULT: ...Candy. ELLIOT: Y-yeah! It was just.. candy. I was.. giving it out to people, and.. They all really liked it. Then there were too many people, and... McKenna fell off a table. Somehow. RAFAEL: Remind me again, pal, what kind of candy got everyone so.. riled up? Hm? Elliot looks like he’s fighting the urge to strangle him when the Adult clears their throat.

ADULT: I’d like to know that too... (eyes the boys suspiciously) AND what our friend Rafael was doing with the wad of cash. RAFAEL: I—! I was just..! Holding it for him! ELLIOT (grumbling): Slipping it into your pocket for safe-keeping, were you? RAFAEL: Oh buzz OFF, you shriveled little cockroach! ADULT: HEY! (a moment of silence) You two are making this MUCH more difficult than it needs to be! Just— You know what? You are

wasting my time. I’m phoning your teachers, let them know you’ll be late to the next class. And then.... If you can’t tell me the truth... I’m calling your parents. ELLIOT: WHAT?! NO! RAFAEL (halfheartedly): What? Oh no! ADULT: One last chance: what EXACTLY was going on in that cafeteria? Now both of them are looking away, angry and helpless. No one says anything. The audience can hear a ticking clock in the background. ADULT: Fine. Have it your way. The adult leaves them alone, back through the door behind. Both boys sigh, with different inflections. Afterwards, there’s a brief pause. ELLIOT: My step-mom’s gonna kill me. RAFAEL: Well, it’s your own fault. ELLIOT: MY fault?! How is it MY fault?! We wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t asked for the sale to start early. RAFAEL: I was just curious. ELLIOT (bitterly): Well, now, look where that got us. The conversation has naturally ended, but Rafael scoots closer, and prepares himself to speak. RAFAEL: And... since I paid you the five dollars.. And held the profits while you handed them— ELLIOT (interrupting): Hey, you begged me to let you do that. AND you tried to make off with my money! RAFAEL: —but I didn’t even get to know what I was buying! You just said ‘it’ll be worth your while!’ ELLIOT: I had a feeling about you. And look what happened! (He gestures broadly to the space around them.) I was right. RAFAEL (getting frustrated): But what was I buying? ELLIOT: Like I’d tell you that NOW! RAFAEL: You’re going to have to spill sometime, and it’ll be better for BOTH OF US if you just tell me what I’ve gotten myself into! Again, the lights dim, and there’s a spotlight on Elliot. This time he doesn’t get up from the chair, just takes his time turning towards the audience.

ELLIOT: I’m not a bad person. (he pauses, like he’s almost waiting for an answer) I’m not! I’ve.. made some mistakes.. Here and there...

sometimes. What I did was dangerous, sure, but... I... I never… (He stops, struggling to control his face. He might clean his glasses and wipe his nose; his breathing is still shaky) Did.. did you know that.. The National Robotics Competition is in Florida? Florida, yeah. In three weeks, we’ll be flying down to Florida. Florida. I’ve never been there, but... My cousin went there on vacation once. Showed me pictures. It looked.. nice. I’ve never been out of state before. Never come close. We just don’t have the budget for that kind of thing.. Our family... struggles, I guess you would say. But... this... this I could...There would be scholarships, I could get money for college, be NORMAL, be...! (The rabid excitement disappears from his eyes, he suddenly looks very scared. Almost like he’s pleading with the audience) But I had to get money for the flight. Somehow. I- I had to. It was... I couldn’t tell my parents— they.. They have enough on their plate. I had to make money... somehow... I had to.. The lights fade back in, and Elliot slowly turns to Rafael. ELLIOT: Fine. I.. I took some.. snacks... from my Aunt’s bag. She visits once a week, and when she does.. She brings me them. I’ve been... selling them at school for a while now. It’s gotten really... Lots of people want them. And.. I just... RAFAEL (emotionless): You just sold them at school, for five dollars each. Elliot buries his face in his hands.

ELLIOT: I didn’t think it would go this far... RAFAEL: It’s okay. I get it. We all do things we regret. (He puts a hand on Elliot’s shoulder. With his other hand, he’s drawing out a tape recorder, and presses play without looking as he speaks) You wanna talk about it? Elliot looks up, tearfully, and nods. Then the lights dim again, quickly, and Rafael turns just his head. The rest of him stays perfectly still. RAFAEL: You know... I didn’t get into undercover work because I cared about people. I’d like to say that.. But I can’t. (He tilts his face, acknowledging the regret.) I got into this because.. Well, I used to be an actor— believe it or not. I was in a couple commercials back in my late 20s... I still looked like a kid. My face didn’t change as I got older, and.. And... Then my sister overdosed. (Blinking, he dips his head, but his arms still don’t move.) I knew she had.. smoked things... when she was a teenager.. But I didn’t know what ‘gateway drugs’ were. Funny how things change, huh? (He smiles bitterly. He knows it’s not funny.) Anyway, I wanted to.. I don’t know... remember her? My brother-in-law donated half his life savings to charities that help with this sort of thing. Suggested I do the same. But... Well, I wanted to do something.. tangible, y’know? Never figured I’d end up here. Making some.. prepubescent geek cry while I try and squeeze information out of him,

to put him behind bars? (He takes a second to shake his head. Raises eyebrows, defeated.) Gateway drugs... What a world. The lights come back on, and Rafael is looking back at Elliot, still recording him discreetly with one hand. Elliot sighs shakily. ELLIOT: I know.. I could hurt people doing this... RAFAEL: Mmmmm. ELLIOT: But I need to do this! And— and no one’s been affected so far.. RAFAEL: What about McKenna? Elliot moves away from him, sensing something is wrong. He rubs his face with his sleeve, frowning defensively. ELLIOT: That... that was an accident. You saw that. And... I couldn’t have known that would happen! She just.. Really loves chocolate, I guess. RAFAEL (blinking): Wait. Chocolate? ELLIOT (chuckles faintly): Yeah— Never seen anyone go crazy for it like that, though. But.. I haven’t ever been around this much before. Rafael sits back, the hand with the tape recorder dropping limply into his backpack. RAFAEL: You were selling... special brownies? ELLIOT: No. Worse.

Horrified with himself, he quivers for a moment, on the precipice. Then a sob escapes him (play this as genuine as possible while still keeping it dramatic) and he covers his eyes with one arm. ELLIOT (wailing): I was selling REESE’S! There is a silence, broken only by the ticking of the clock and Elliot’s quiet sobs. RAFAEL: Ah, quick question. (his mouth mouths something silently, eyes squinting) What. In the HELL. Are you talking about. ELLIOT (sniffs sadly): I know, I know, I could have killed someone... But just because, like, thirty kids have severe peanut allergies, DOESN’T MEAN we should NEVER have ANY food that was made with nuts! It’s ridiculous— and— and people are upset!— and I found.. a solution. From his backpack, he pulls out a cylinder wrapped in tin foil. He rips it open, and hands what appears to be a long, square-ish cookie with M&Ms in it to his companion. Rafael is completely silent, staring at him. Behind his eyes there’s a loading sign.

RAFAEL: You... mean to tell me... that you were selling Reese’s Pieces at school... and acting like THAT?! ELLIOT: Yeah..? Well, homemade Reese’s Pieces Peanutbutter Bars, if you wanna get technical. What’d you think I was doing? RAFAEL: Selling drugs. Elliot stares at him for half a second, then hiccups into a laugh. He punches his shoulder playfully, completely oblivious to the fact Rafael wasn’t joking. ELLIOT: NO WAY! I would never do something like that! (his smile wanes slightly) But.. I did collect nearly $2,000 from selling bars that can cause people to go into anaphylactic shock. And/or die. RAFAEL (chuckles dryly, eyes wide): No kidding. Jesus Christ. ELLIOT: Yeah. Like I said. Didn’t think it’d go this far. RAFAEL: Well. (he sits forward, posture more relaxed now) I gotta know. Why’d ya do it? In the long run, it’s not a huge deal, but... You might get suspended for this, y’know? The smile falls away from Elliot’s face completely, and fear seems to grip him. He scrunches down in his seat, drawing his legs up close to him.

ELLIOT: Ohhh, my gosh, I forgot about that..! My step-mom’s never gonna let me go now..! RAFAEL (half joking): Evil stepmother cliché came to life, huh?” ELLIOT: What? No. My step-mom’s really nice, but.. she takes school seriously. And now I’m gonna lose all the money I’ve collected, and I won’t get to... He stops, as if remembering Rafael doesn’t know the whole story. ELLIOT: I’ve been on the Robotics Team for years. This is my first time captaining, and.. We made it to Nationals. Robotics is like.. (He looks down, embarrassed.) It’s kind of the only thing I’m... special at. (His head snaps up.) A-and in two weeks, our whole team will be getting on a plane, and going to Florida! But. Ahm. We have to pay before the flight, and... I didn’t want to ask my parents for money. RAFAEL: Why not? And... hold up a minute, wouldn’t they know about the trip anyway, if you’re leaving home? (he tries to chuckle, but he’s genuinely concerned) What? Were you.. trying to run away? ELLIOT: Nothing like that! I.. I just told them... the school was paying for it. See, my step-mom’s an English teacher, and my dad works two jobs, and we never have enough to... I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. RAFAEL: Hate to break it to you, but you kinda failed at that part.

ELLIOT (snapping): Don’t you think I know that?! I just thought— hey, if my Aunt is a baker, and everybody here’s always talking about how much they miss having chocolate bars— why not take care of it myself? (He props his chin up on his hands, glaring down at nothing in particular. He’s bitter, and trying not to cry.) But I even found a way to mess this up too. Rafael runs a hand over his face. He looks tired, and suddenly much older than he appeared before. He slowly digs into his backpack, and fishes something out. RAFAEL: Jesus, kid... If you need the money that bad, just.. take the whole damn wallet. He throws a wallet at Elliot, who fumbles before catching it. He stares at Rafael, uncomprehending. Rafael, on the other hand, is getting up from his chair, and stretching out his back. RAFAEL: Listen, I’ll talk to the assistant principal for us both, ‘kay? Make sure to get you out of trouble. ELLIOT: I- thank— (He stops himself, peering at Rafael.) But— why? You were so.. eager to be mixed up in all this. Why? You... you followed me around for.. Like, a week, asking to help me with sales. Rafael smiles, and for the first time in the show, it seems to come from a place of genuine, good-natured amusement. He shrugs. RAFAEL: Yeah, well. I thought you were selling drugs. Elliot gives him a very odd look, but doesn’t seem to question it. He instead gets his backpack together, flips briefly through the wallet, then stands up awkwardly, sticking his hands deep into his pockets. He smiles shyly. ELLIOT: I.. Um. Thanks, Rafael. Thanks for... Just thanks. RAFAEL (nods at him): Take care of yourself, Elliot. After Elliot exits the stage, Rafael is left alone. Even though there’s no spotlight, he addresses the audience. RAFAEL: Don’t let this fool you. I’m not.. I’m not a real good person. (he chuckles) Definitely not a good cop, that’s for sure. Jesus. Can’t believe those idiots back at the station let me out in the field, no trainin’ or anythin’ .. Jesus…(He picks up the Reese’s bar behind him, appraises it, then sets it back down on the chair) But.. (stares pensively off the way Elliot left) I hope that kid does well. He.. Mmm. If the worst thing he ever does is sell knock-off Snickers, he’s.. He’s in good shape. Rafael starts towards the door behind him, opens it, then stops and turns back to the audience. He smiles, half-chuckling at himself. RAFAEL: Captain of the Robotics Team.