College Tribune - Issue 1

Page 1

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We chat to Hollywood’s busiest man

Seth Rogen




College Tribune

The Difference is We’re Independent

Issue 1 | Volume 22 | 16th September 2008

DISMISSED ■ STI shock doc fails to back-up claims that UCD is a “sex-infection hotspot” ■ “I’ve utterly no evidence to suggest that students at UCD are more at risk than anywhere else” One of the countries’ leading STI experts, Dr Derek Freedman, who recently claimed that UCD was a “sex-infection hotspot”, has admitted that he has “utterly no evidence to suggest that UCD is at more risk than anywhere else.” In July, a national Sunday newspaper reported “booze culture turns UCD into sex infection hotspot”. Last week, the Sunday paper ran a front page story alleging that a UCD student had performed oral sex in exchange for a cigarette. Both reports were focused on the testimony of the STI specialist claiming that one in ten UCD students screened, or “three times the national average”, had tested positive for Chlamydia. But Dr Sandra Tighe of the UCD Student Health Service has said that the actual number of people testing positive for Chlamydia at UCD was 4%, as opposed to the 10% suggested by Freedman. Stating that no study had been

■ Karina Bracken done nationwide to reveal the prevalence of Chlamydia, she said that a study in Britain showed 10% of people testing positive. Tighe emphasised that this in fact made UCD well below average for Chlamydia further saying “I’ve no idea where doctor Freedman got his figures from.” When questioned about his figure of 10%, Dr Freedman admitted that it was “a bit tongue in cheek”. He could not pinpoint where exactly he had obtained the figure, at first saying that he believed the information to originate from the Well Woman Clinic, and then the Student Health Service at UCD. The Well Woman Clinic failed to confirm or deny this at the time of going to print. The Health Service at UCD adamantly asserts that they gave out no such information.

» Continued on page four


College Tribune | September 16 2008

News News

Fresh accommodation woes as tax break ceases ■■ Aoife Ryan As plans for the Student Accommodation Task Force go ahead, a new issue of contention has arisen from the impending cessation of a tax break for student accommodation set up in 1999. The scheme was originally devised in order to ensure more accessible accommodation for students, allowing for the lowering of taxes on houses built specifically for lease to students. Implemented under the 1999 Finance Act, Section Fifty ensures that landlords can lease out property to students on the basis that they will have lower taxes to pay on the stated accommodation. According to Barry Colfer, former Students’ Union President, “ this put more attention upon the student market by potential landlords and housing became more accessible and cheaper. However, this was a ten-year contract, and so inevitably students and government forces alike will have to deal with a more open

market come next year. “The cost of living in Dublin is already very high. We as students have a duty to do something on the issue. These are problems we share around the country, but are especially felt in the eastern regions. There is a worry that students will end up being pushed out of certain areas by young professionals. We can’t return to the substandard living conditions of the midnineties.” USI President Shane Kelly agrees and says, “Although rent will be falling with the current economic climate, it will be felt mainly at the top end of the market where students wouldn’t have been anyway.” The Accommodation Task Force under the jurisdiction of Minister Gormley is now understood to have begun discussions. Gormley withdrew his pledge in early May of this year to the collective anger of students who labeled the change in direction a “deception”. Nonetheless, after pressure was placed on the Green Party the plan was quickly reintroduced.

Over €10 Million splurged on UCD Gateway Project Consultancy and Public Relations Firms guzzle millions of euro in Brady’s Gateway scheme ■■ Sebastian Clare Over €10 million has so far been spent on the UCD Gateway Project, it is understood. The Gateway project is an expansive and costly redevelopment undertaking, centred around the Stillorgan Road entrance to the university. An international competition to choose the architectural design eventually decided upon the proposal by Dusseldorf-based Christoph Ingenhoven. Included in his vision were extensive green spaces, a hotel, underground parking and grandiose six-storey buildings flanking the entry to the campus from the N11 dual carriageway. As part of the plan, the Project Management Group were contracted to acts as consultants, and are said to be the recipient of the €10 million in question. The Gateway Project is under the auspices of the overall Campus Development Plan, a building

and refurbishment programme that is scheduled to take about 15 years, and is aimed at encouraging growth at the university. It is unclear as yet as to how UCD intends to explain this €10 million ‘consultancy’ expenditure. UCD are currently in the process of selecting a developer for the task, from a shortlist of five consortia. Among the main sources of revenue for the successful bidder - who will be expected to construct, maintain and run the project for a fixed period of time - will be the hotel, office spaces and other retail outlets. The Public-Private Partnership model being used typically involves the location being owned by the successful bidder for the entirety of the contract – usually 25 to 30 years in duration. Only once this timeframe has expired will the facility come into the university’s possession. Estimates of the final cost of the scheme vary wildly, with reports ranging from €300 million to over €450 millon.

Could it be? Registration a “success” as 10% more students get their chosen places After many years of problematic registration systems, UCD officials and the Students’ Union concur that registration for the 08/09 term can be deemed as a success. The new registration system that was implemented last year came under widespread criticism after many students had huge difficulty registering. However, according to Marie O’Flanagan of the UCD Registry, the response this year has been good. “Feedback from colleagues and direct contact with students shows that the 2008 registration season went very well. There were no system issues apart from a slowdown during the morning of the first day of term, an unavoidable one that represents our highest demand for the whole year.” “With advanced preparation, the campus was well coordinated and all indicative numbers are ahead of last year. The allocation of elective modules, for instance, saw 78% of students getting their chosen places compared to 68% in 2007.” The difficulty in previous years

■■ Cathy Buckmaster mainly revolved around the allocation of electives where students registered for oversubscribed electives and were told at a later date whether their application had been successful. O’Flanagan explains how the issues with the system were dealt with. “Student feedback in 2007 indicated two key issues with electives; their provisionality and the difficulty in finding them. There were two key changes made. Firstly, a significant improvement was made to the search function, allowing multiple extra timeslot searches. The provisionality of electives was also reduced, making in-programme electives first come, first served this year. “Provisional registration suggests where there is demand, and in response to that demand, considerable additional elective capacity was added. 1,300 places were made open in the four days up to the 5th of September.” Aodhán Ó Deá, President of the

Students’ Union, also considered the start of term registration as an overall triumph. “Registration has been successful. From our perspective as well, we had a lot more insight into the whole process because for the first time ever we got our own place on the Registration Implementation Oversight Group so we got to keep an eye on what was going on.” He also explained the appeals the Students’ Union made in order to make it easier for students. “We requested two major things that we wanted to get done. One of them was, at the start of every lecture on the first day of term, that every lecturer in the college would show slides on how to register. We also requested a Bebo page that would be more student friendly, explaining how to register. So overall we’re pretty happy.” Undergraduates have until September 19th to complete registration, with module registration for postgraduates concluding by 26th September. Undergraduate students who have not registered by the above date will be subject to a late registration fee of €250.


College Tribune LG 18, Newman Building (Arts Block) or Box 74, Student Centre, UCD Email: Tel: 01 716 8501 Editors Siren Editor Features Editor Sports Editor Arts Editor Music Editor Health & Fashion Editor

Jennifer Bray Simon Ward Cian Taaffe Karen O’Connell Bryan Devlin Cathy Buckmaster Sebastian Clare Aoife Ryan

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Contributors Eoghan Glynn, Eoghan Brophy, Jordan Daly, Stephen West, Ruth O’Neill, Karina Bracken, Barra O Fianail, Vanessa Bunn, Sophie O’Higgins, Heather Landy, Peter Downey, Pierce Farrell, Kevin Doyle, J, Pete Mahon, Sam O’Toole, Steven Tuohy, Caitrina Cody, Jake Bullough, Peter Lahiff, Christopher Cowley.

Special thanks to...

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Huw Jones and Frank Flynn at NWN, Chantelle at Universal, Alan and Beryl Ward, Sharon and Joseph Bray, 60 Cents Mochas.

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College Tribune | September 16 2008



Vatican attempts to scupper reports of UCD founder’s “homosexuality”, claims gay rights activist Gay rights activists in Britain have lashed out at the Catholic Church after plans to re-inter the body of UCD founder, Cardinal John Henry Newman, were made public over the summer. The Vatican announced its plans to exhume the remains of Cardinal Newman and rebury them in a new tomb in Birmingham. According to the Church, Newman is being transferred to an upgraded tomb in preparation for his impending sainthood. However, gay rights activist Peter Tatchell disagrees with the Vatican’s version of events. He believes that the removal of Newman’s body is an attempt by the Church to cover up the Cardinal’s homosexuality. Tatchell explains that “Newman repeatedly made it clear that he wanted to be buried next to his lifelong partner, Ambrose St John.” Tatchell believes that “homophobia is at the root of the Vatican’s sordid scheme”. According to him, Cardinal Newman always had fears that he would be re-interred. The cleric explicitly emphasised to his executors on numerous occasions that he wanted to remain next to Father Ambrose St John after his death. Newman and Father Ambrose St John co-habited for

■ Karina Bracken over thirty years. Newman’s passionate letters to St John and his many diaries reveal his close relationship with the priest, “From the first he loved me with an intensity of love, which was unaccountable.” Furthermore, Tatchell claims “the Vatican spin doctors have gone out of their way to rubbish claims that Newman was gay. He was a Cardinal and deeply devout, they say, claiming such a person would never have a gay relationship. This is nonsense. Thousands of Catholic priests, and even some Bishops and Cardinals, are gay and have active same-sex relationships.” While Tatchell admits that there is no concrete proof that Cardinal Newman was gay, he firmly believes that “it is not unreasonable to believe that Cardinal Newman might have had a loving, stable, long-term same-sex relationship.” Before his death in 1890 Cardinal Newman wrote “I wish, with all my heart, to be buried in Father Ambrose St John’s grave – and I give this as my last, my imperative will.” Tatchell believes that the disinterring of Newman would go against the Cardinal’s wishes and would be a fundamental rejection of his human rights.


Picking up the booby prize

After his triumphant visit to UCD in February to accept the L&H’s James Joyce Award, Will Ferrell returned with ‘Step Brother’ co-star John C Reilly - who was awarded an honourary patronage to Trinity’s Philosophical Society. Said Reilly, “I thought, ‘well they’ve already given the James Joyce Award to Will, so this is the booby prize that they have left’. Then it turns out it was a whole other college”


College Tribune | September 16 2008

News News

Dismissed: Sex infection shock doc fails to back-up UCD claims you are not going to have quality sex if you have ten pints on you. In fact I’d go as direct as to saying that’s not sex at all. That’s masturbating in a vagina.” Freedman added that if students were having casual sex every Saturday night or every Friday night they “become in the end, a bit of a shag bag.” He has also revealed that there is no concrete evidence that students are having more unprotected sex and casual trysts than their employed counterparts. Belfield has been criticised by Freedman and the UCD Students’ Union over the lack of STI screening facilities available to students. UCD students are often forced to attend private clinics such as Dr Freedman’s or the clinic at St. James’ hospital. Trinity College, DCU and DIT all currently have the service available.

»»From page one A leading STI specialist who remarked UCD was a sex-infection hotspot has admitted he has no evidence to back up his claims. His information, he said, is garnered from reports that he receives from “the constant stream of UCD students” visiting his private clinic. Dr Sandra Tighe of the UCD Student Health Services queried his claims, stating that students visiting Freedman’s clinic are self-elected and thus would be an “entirely unfair representation of the student population at UCD”. In his professional opinion, Freedman recommends that students aspire to “quality sex”. When asked what this entailed, he explained, “Essentially

The Students’ Union however does at the present time operate a discounted screening facility on Thursdays in Donnybrook. Conor Fingleton, the SU Welfare Officer, believes “it isn’t up to the union to provide STI screening. The onus is on the university to provide the appropriate services.” A spokesperson for the college has referred to the reports in question as ‘imbalanced’.

»»The Students’ Union are hoping

to put pressure on the college to provide full screening services and anybody that feels they would avail of this service should email

»»Editorial: Page Nine

Student service charge increase to go down black hole Startling new evidence reveals majority of €75 student registration fee increase to disappear into ‘governmental black hole’ ■■ Simon Ward The vast majority of this year’s tuition fee increase is not being passed on to students, the College Tribune has learned. 75% of the increase in the Student Services Charge for the forthcoming academic year is now to be transferred to the Higher Education Authority, effectively imposing a stealth tax on third level students. Furthermore, of the revenues collected from the 2006-2007 charge, some 36.5% was directed to the HEA. Of the €10 million collected to provide for student based services, some €3.83 million was returned to government level. Students’ Union President Aodhán Ó Deá said of the changes, of the money we’re all paying, a third of it goes elsewhere. “It is essentially a fee when it should all be spent on student services. The fact is the money is not being used for student’s services. It’s clearly been drawn back into the public pockets”. The USI President Shane Kelly was even more critical of the revenue transfer. “It’s a fairly cynical attempt by the minister and the Department of Education to raise money and to use students as a way to make up for years of under-investment in their education. It’s a very crude and cynical mechanism. “I think the department’s policy can be written on the back of a napkin. They’re making it up as they go along, with no clear goals or no clear agenda and it’s causing difficulty. When it

comes back to bite them, they come back looking to students”. While only 57% of UCD students are eligible to pay the grant, expenditure in the college is apportioned upon revenues that would be generated from all students being subjected to the fee. As a result, the shortfall in UCD revenues stands at over €4.5 million. Some 22% of expenditure resulting from the Student Services Charge is spent on advisors, disabilities services, the New Era Programme and the UCD Consultation Forum. Further expenditure categories include the careers office, health services, sport, clubs and societal grants, exams and student registration.

The breakdown of the Student Services Charge Registration & administration


Disability services, New Era, Student Advisors, Chaplaincy, Choral Scholars Careers Office Health Services


Sport Capitation & other grants for Sports and Societies

College Tribune | September 16 2008



No escaping the student debt trap A significant amount of phone calls to governmental monetary advice centres now from under 25’s and students New trends in those applying for UCD Student Assistance Fund The Union of Students in Ireland has announced that 28% of all calls to governmental monetary advice services are now coming from people under the age of 25, a significant increase in comparison to previous years. Shane Kelly, President of the USI, said that the financial problems faced by students this year are compounded by the fact that many students found it difficult to source employment. As a result of economic conditions, the casual jobs that students usually take up were reportedly scarce upon the ground. The lack of summer work also meant students had little or no savings going into the new college year. Many were also left with the added burden of paying rent over the summer, even though they had returned to their home counties. In a bid to avoid the usual scramble for accommodation in September, students were forced to sign the twelvemonth contracts that many landlords are now demanding. According to Kelly, “This is crippling students financially as they are paying rent for a place that they are not even living in.” Meanwhile, a freeze has been placed on local authority student grants. “This is a net cut for students across the board”, said Kelly. He added that while there is less and less support provided

■■ Karina Bracken for students, student unions and charities such as the St. Vincent de Paul are receiving distressed calls from those with financial difficulties. The UCD Students’ Union runs a limited Student Assistance Fund programme that offers some help to students struggling to make ends meet. Conor Fingleton, Students’ Union Welfare Officer, says that he has noticed a new trend in third and fourth year students enquiring about the scheme. “These students had no previous need for help, but due to the lack of jobs this summer they are finding it hard to cope financially.” The cost of going to college has recently been estimated at €8,403 for a student living away from home, and €3,861 for a student living at home. Just over half of students are living in rented accommodation, facing the full price tag. Many UCD students are turning to Credit Unions and banks for loans, overdrafts and credit cards to meet these costs. Over half of students have borrowed from a financial institution, with an average borrowing of €9,592, according to a study carried out by National Irish Bank.



College Tribune | September 16 2008

News: Investigations News

‘It’s the students who will pay’: As the Government orders a three percent cut in Jennifer Bray explores how UCD students will be affected under the new spending

Library Lockdo Major cuts in library service hours and increases in fines proposed on UCD savings agenda The College Tribune has learned that a proposed budget cut of 12% to the UCD libraries is now under consideration, amounting to €1.3 million for the coming academic year. According to information on a recent SIPTU library meeting which has come to light, plans in which to ‘make savings’ were devised which included the increasing of fines on students, charging for laptop loans, a review of admission charges, an increase in interlibrary loan charges, and another proposal to introduce overdue fines for university staff. A proposal was also outlined in which a letter from the Librarian would be sent out to the heads of all schools ‘outlining a cut of €800,000 to the information resources budget’. It is understood that this letter is currently with the Registrar. The consensus however is that the ‘majority of the library budget is being spent on payroll’ and this is the area most cutbacks will focus on. Proposed savings for this will be achieved through axing library hours and routes such as the following: reduced evening hours from January, a reduction in student shelver hours, and a reduction in Saturday opening hours from January. Further proposals to slash library hours centre on cutting the staff evening work hours and are likely to cause widespread condemnation. This includes downgrading The James Joyce library evening opening hours from five nights to three nights, cutting evening hours from the Health Service from three nights to two, and most det-

rimentally reducing Blackrock Library staff hours by 50%. How the proposed cut to Blackrock is to be organised is ‘still to be confirmed’. Furthermore, the Veterinary Library would, as another suggestion, no longer open early at 8.15AM, and instead open at 9AM. Plans to reduce Saturday afternoon service working hours in all libraries go as far as to result in no afternoon service in any library after Christmas. The Librarian also informed the

university that she would be outlining further cuts, such as early retirement, unpaid summer leave and voluntary redundancy. The Union of Students in Ireland in a statement has said, “If the government continues with this current plan, then further cutbacks will lead to student services such as medical and disability being affected too. Irish higher education needs further investment, as stated in the recent OECD report, and not these cutbacks.”

The proposed changes q Increased fines on students q Charging for laptop loans q A review of admission charges q Overdue fines for university staff q Reduced evening service q James Joyce reduced from five nights to three q Health Services Library from three nights to two q Blackrock reduced by 50% q Veterinary service to open at 9am instead of 8:15am q Reduced Saturday afternoon opening resulting in no afternoon service in any library after Christmas q A review of opening hours generally

Students to pay as college suffers major aca “A damning new message on where our universities are going” - Irish Federation of University Teachers Figures seen by the College Tribune reveal a major loss of vital academic staff in UCD over the last year, while the numbers of administrative staff has seen a huge surge. According to confidential documentation, 19 senior lecturers in the college have left their posts in the last year, and have not been replaced. However, 86 new members of staff have been employed in administration. Mike Jennings, General Secretary of the Irish Federation of University Teachers (IFUT) states this is a damning message on the new direction of

universities. “It is unjustifiable. These figures confirm everything the IFUT has been stating about the drift away from the important academic frontline of education into a business ethos. It proves the increasing de-prioritisation of academics in education.” This loss of senior level experience will have a direct effect on students and the undergraduate experience. “For students it means lecture sizes are going to be bigger and lecturers more tied up. They will get less of the attention they deserve and need. Students go to college to be well-taught,

■■ Mike Jennings: IFUT General Secretary

not well administered,” says Jennings Jennings further points out that the situation is likely to be worse due to the fact no figures have been provided as to how many academics and administrative staff have shifted up the ranks. “I would call on the university to make these figures known, although I would say they would cause widespread anger.” According to the UCD pay scales, on the lowest level of a salary payment the loss of 19 senior lecturers stands at a saving of just over one million to the college, while the massive gain in

■■ Batt O’Keeffe: Minister for Education

College Tribune | September 16 2008

eductional spending, regime


News: Investigations

UCD top brass receive €300,000 allowances ■■ Jennifer Bray Twelve of UCD’s management team have accumulated allowances of over €300,000, according to figures obtained by the College Tribune. Last October it was revealed how the Presidents of UCD and NUI Galway received unauthorised top-up allowances which resulted in a pay freeze for the university heads until the allowances were withdrawn. However, the latest figures reveal allowances of between €18,000 to €53,184 per person in addition to the staff’s basic salaries. Vice President for Capital and Commercial Development, Eamonn Ceannt, received an allowance of €53,184, while the Registrar and Vice President for Academic Affairs Philip Nolan was paid €35,469. Other payments include €25,000 for the

Vice President for Innovation and Corporate Partnership, Mark Keane, and other various College Principals. In a separate finding, it has emerged that some of those receiving allowances are also eligible for annual bonuses of up to 20%. The Vice President for University Relations, Padraig Conway, is listed as a recipient of an annual allowance to the sum of €25,000, while also being in line for a bonus of 20%, with the reason cited as “In recognition of significant progress having been achieved in relation to agreed targets”. According to a senior lecturer in the college, Gerald Mills, the figure of €300,000 is only for the 12 members

of senior management and “it could now be the case that members of staff underneath these 12 are also receiving allowances”. Mills has also called into question the existence of allowances in colleges other than UCD. “If these kinds of payments are being made in UCD, we can be sure they are in place in other universities. It is not right that it should be UCD consistently in the spotlight while other colleges and universities get off the hook.” A spokesman for UCD said “These allowances are paid in respect of a range of functions which attach to the posts in question. “They are approved by the Finance Committee of the Governing Authority and are fully notified to the Higher Education Authority on a regular basis.”

Bord na Gaeilge UCD Ag Tacú le Mic Léinn na hOllscoile

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demic loss administration staff is estimated at a cost of between three and five million euro. The figures also reveal a loss of 21 technical staff to the college in the past year. This comes in a week in which Minister for Education Batt O’Keeffe has signalled he would personally back the return of third level tuition fees. “There is a mentality out there,

mainly of Batt O’Keeffe’s promotion that all the universities need to do is shift the budget around and all will be hunky dory. This could not be further from the truth. The budget is not big enough, and this is the message that needs to be constantly driven home. Even the wisdom of Solomon could not fix the funding crisis in the way the government proposes” concludes Jennings.


CD, l na Gaeilge U o sa i h c a te ir á h a bheith rannp aeilge Bhord na Gaeilge ag: huig: c Más mian leat G h c le hOifigea ó buail isteach il n á 8 h 0 m 2 g -8 a 6 te 1 7 n : a n dé thá, Gu oifigeach.gaeil an, Belfield. m k out: w e N s ra Á , 3 language chec h is Ir e Seomra D21 th g in rested in learn If you are inte


College Tribune | September 16 2008

Comment News

Opinion A funny little thing called philosophy With the start of the new academic year, I am once again delighted to see the enrolment in our philosophy classes. The first year classes are massive, the second and third year classes are certainly larger than average. This creates certain logistical problems for us, of course, and occasionally we moan about how nice it would be to have only five bright students in a class. But at heart we are immensely flattered that our subject continues to be interesting to so many bright young minds. The thing is, we find it difficult to ‘sell’ philosophy. At the university open days, we sit humbly behind our desk, a little embarrassed, while the lawyers and the business studies people argue about which graduates make the most money, while the engineers anzd the doctors argue about who is most useful to society, and while the English literature people and the historians argue about who is more responsible for the cultural heritage. Is there any room for philosophy in all this? Sometimes, when we speak to the university finance people, or to the ministry of education people, we have to invent reasons for them to keep funding us: we tell them what we teach is critical thinking, analytic writing, or we use the buzzword ‘transferable skills’. But we know that these sorts of skills are hardly unique to philosophy – every university subject should be able to cultivate them. At any rate, students don’t study philosophy in order to acquire transferable skills, they study it because it interests them. And there is something wonderfully pure about this interest. No matter how bored or irritated a student may look in the lecture theatre, they still had the choice and they chose philosophy. If they had wanted an easy degree, there are other subjects. If they had sought wealth or prestige, there are other subjects. If they had wanted a guaranteed job at the end of their three years, there are other subjects. But everybody knows that there are very few jobs as professional philosophers – maybe a 1000 or so in Britain and Ireland. And yet the undergraduates sign up year after year to study our subject. It’s not even a matter of the subject only surviving in state-funded institutions: the private American universities all have big philosophy departments, and students pay big money to attend them. In truth, it is very hard to explain why any of us philosophers chose philosophy in the first place, just as it is very hard to offer reasons why someone else should study philosophy. It’s really a matter of temperament. Life would certainly be easier for us in many ways if we were not troubled by certain abstract problems. Parties would be a lot livelier if the philosopher in the corner didn’t spoil the mood by asking about the nature of being. It’s also hard to explain what it is we do, exactly. All we can say is “here’s a

Christopher Cowley Philosophy might not provide answers to all your questions; but it can probably question all your answers.

good book” or “come to my lecture” or “look at the course descriptions on the web” – either they will interest you or they won’t. We certainly don’t consider ourselves superior because we think the stuff we do is somehow ‘higher’ or ‘nobler’ (well, when we’re feeling insecure we might). There is a cultural aspect of this problem as well – in France every secondary school pupil is taught philosophy as a compulsory subject; many enjoy it and many hate it, just like other compulsory subjects, but at least everyone knows what it is. Some Irish students might be missing out because they don’t really know enough to choose it when they come to university. But we’re not too bothered with this, since we’re confident that everyone who is interested will find their way to us eventually. Indeed, precisely because it isn’t linked to a career path, there is no special advantage of studying it when you’re young. In addition, it’s not something that you do once and for all: driven by a philosophical interest, you can keep returning to the same problems again and again throughout your life, and the problems will acquire different meanings and contours depending on where you are in your life. So it’s not quite true to say that it’s a university subject. It’s more a special kind of inquisitive attitude to the world, and to oneself in that world. It’s an impatience with the superficial and the simplistic and the stereotype. It’s a yearning for deeper and more complex meanings. Philosophy might not provide answers to all your questions; but it can probably question all your answers.

»»Dr. Christopher Cowley is a lecturer in the School of Philosophy

Tell me why I don’t like first years Resident UCD grumpy old man Peter Lahiff grumbles as yet another batch of fresh faced first years enter their college years During the summer UCD is a quiet place and except for the occasional conference you can get your cup of coffee, use the stand-up computers or get that book in the library without having to wait. You can walk through the halls and cycle down ramps without having to swerve around people or get annoyed at those strollers blocking your path when you are in a hurry somewhere. They let you drink out of real glasses in the Student Centre Club and there is no need to elbow your way to the bar. Come the start of September and things start to change. There are tight groups of first years being given tours and the representatives of the banks are loitering around the bus stops eyeing the new arrivals in the hope of signing them up and getting their €1 commission per head. Then the second week and college is back. You aren’t going to get anywhere fast as students the spill out of lecturers and classes just on the hour every hour. Waiting time for a coffee rises to as much as ten minutes at lunch time. You can easily resent this influx when you’ve had the place to yourself for three months. Most annoying of all are the first years. Like the tourist in New York they can be seen examining maps, looking up at the buildings and generally looking bewildered. In classes they fear to speak up and carefully calculate their subject

combination in order to get the easiest ride through the year. They will attend no lectures before 11am, barely scrape their assignments together and hold long and detailed conversations about how many points they got in the leaving cert. They know nothing, not even how to cook or clean! First years On Freshers’ week are the teeming salmon that the societies seek to scoop them onto their

They will attend no lectures before 11am, barely scrape their assignments together and hold long and detailed conversations about how many points they got in the leaving cert membership books. Those who find the tent will walk between the stalls goggle-eyed at the array of free things and join a load of things and then never go to any of the events. They will attend illicit parties on res, drink large quantities of supermarket label

booze, and end up vomiting it into the bushes. The desire rises to yell at them to work out where they are going and stop blocking your way. You want to shake them for being so mindless and tell them to have an opinion, participate and get something else of college life that a scrap of Latin for the wall and a hazy recollection of a series of hang-overs. It can be some much more, they could do so much more! Before the rage takes over just think back. What kind of a first year were you? Back through time you might recognise that petrified youngster who had some much to learn, about the limits of their alcoholic tolerance, about talking to the opposite sex, about what they thought about they big questions and what their priorities were, and about how to operate a washing machine. First years have a lot of things to work out and they’ll get around to having something to contribute to tutorials, expressing an original thought in their assignments and being active in clubs and societies. Well some of them will anyway.

»»Peter Lahiff is a current final year PhD student, and a former editor of the College Tribune

College Tribune | September 16 2008


Please reply to:

Letters Educational Woes Sir and Madam, It was with dismay that I watched as once again, third-level fees made their way back onto the political agenda this summer. I have followed, over the course of the last few weeks, the various debates that have ensued after Education Minister Batt O’Keeffe announced that he and his department were considering some form of tuition fee, for a group he described as ‘the many millionaires’ in the country. It came as no surprise for me to learn that he himself would personally back their return. The re-shuffle of the cabinet was, in a sense, a clairvoyant to a set of tarot cards knowing full well the end result and craving the returns. Indeed, we should have seen then what was on the cards. Eyebrows were raised at the time when Hanafin was carelessly shunted aside to be replaced by the somewhat more rusted O’Keeffe. The fact seems to be, An Taoiseach needed someone who would do the politically adventurous: arouse the fla-

grant angry passions of the hapless students and put fees back into the multi-faceted political spectrum. So, what do the students need? We don’t need to be told that the majority of us ‘won’t be affected’. We also don’t need to be told that there is a compromise, and that the abolition of fees did not do ‘what it was supposed to do’. We need to make it known that this is not the path forward (in any form), and we will not become another notch on the government’s belt of cutbacks. With fees in place, I would never have made it to college. Let’s make sure thousands like myself don’t face another financial hardship for the sins of a previous finance minister who, from his many pictured frowns, knew exactly what was looming.

I’ve adjusted quite well, but there are one or two small issues that have struck me and some of my friends. While the onset of Fresher’s week and the efforts of societies and lecturers to welcome new students has been refreshing, there is an undeniable sense of impersonality in UCD. Perhaps this is from the sheer size of the college, or perhaps the clique-ish groups that can be seen in droves. I feel if I cannot be categorised easily enough, I will not fit into any group, anywhere. I await to see how UCD will evolve for me and if I might perhaps grow into a new way of thinking. One thing is for sure: for now, it is the starkness of UCD that leaves many like me wondering exactly with whom and where the future lies.

William Costigan, Final Year Commerce.

Yours, Elaine Grealish, First year Arts.

Fitting in Dear Sir and Madam, I am a first year new to the experience of college life. So far, I think




College Tribune LG 18, Newman Building (Arts Block) or Box 74, Student Centre, UCD Email: Tel: 01 716 8501 The College Tribune reserves the right to edit letters

College Tribune Not quite so promiscuous... Dr Derek Freedman, an expert on Sexually Transmitted Infections, was clearly not thinking of parents or first years when he controversially decided to “tonguein-cheek” label UCD as a sex-infection hotspot. His litanies opened the gateways for inconsequential anecdotes. Accounts of one girl in UCD offering oral sex for a cigarette have been recently been splashed across national newspapers. If his reports and his figures are skewed, how skewed is his representation of a university which is in reality currently undergoing a much more pressing, realistic and altogether truthful change. “Think contraception”, that’s the message enforced upon students and youths on a daily basis from an onslaught of various different media. Whatever attempts the vast majority of students are making at being suitably responsible are being cancelled out by the overly-exaggerated and misguided reports of rampant promiscuity. These attempts are also being glossed over by the doctors who are more than willing to divulge information on exactly where they see their patients coming in from, and in what amount. This is prominent in Freedman’s assertion that “I see a steady stream of UCD students coming through my clinic”, and his singling out of Belfield as an area of a potentially very high STI rate. The Student Health Service has rubbished such claims, and the general consensus is that the students of UCD are not the stereotypical sexually wanton miscreants portrayed in recent reports.

Welcome to the no-so concrete jungle



College Tribune


The Difference is We’re Independe

Your first year of college beckons, you’ve settled in, gone to one or two lectures, and have had the customary all week pub-crawl. And now, more of the same. Expect more lie-ins, more angry tutors and more bar food. A word of warning, there will be a certain period of upset and upheaval to your beautiful bubble world. Of course, we refer to the loathsome examinations. You can breathe easier than the rest of us in that these exams won’t really count towards your degree, but let’s not run away with our ultra-free selves just yet: you will actually need to pass to progress into your second year. Doom and gloom aside, a few simple suggestions. Read our Fresher’s Guide, because one of the things you have probably already been told is that UCD is a concrete jungle. Our Map of Lesser-Known UCD outlines just four of the many illustrious locations in the university that are actually half-decent places to relax in. We even have the serious academic stuff, and the A-Z of UCD, which any informed Fresher will brief themselves on. Our advice: Enjoy the fresh fruits that UCD has to offer, before the stale nature of actually having to make an effort hits you next year.

FG FreSher’S GUiDe



College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide News

Let’s Get the Serious Stuff Out of the Way Learning to cope with the pressures of UCD academic life On your arrival to UCD as a fresher, many things are immediately hurled your way with the expectation that you can manage it all, such as a completely new social scene and different academic focuses. For many students, they are beginning to study a subject they have never done before at all, which can be quite a daunting prospect. Thankfully first year doesn’t count towards your degree anyway, because otherwise getting into the swing of things would be an altogether different, and definitely more painful, experience. The best thing to do, having been tried and tested by all UCD students, is to relax and enjoy the course you picked. If you are enjoying it (the actual course that is, not just the socialising), then you can’t go too far wrong.

Learn from experience 2nd year Arts student: What were the greatest academic challenges you came up against in first year? It was definitely hard trying to keep the pattern of getting up early for nine o’clock lectures and getting in on time for tutorials because no one else is really there to make you like they did in school. If you don’t turn up they probably won’t even notice, although they’ll never get to know you in tutorials then which can be awkward if you decide to start attending them. It sounds great that nobody corrects you but trust me, it means you do have to really push yourself if you want to get through the course, unless you want to be known as “that dosser there”.

first year Arts students? I’d say the best advice I can give is to just pace yourself. I know if I read that at the beginning of last year, it would have gone in one ear and out the other but it becomes crystal clear come the exam period. Do you have any advice specifically for first year students? Well everyone should remember that first year is more of a test run so don’t get overly stressed. I would advise all students to stick to normal enough working hours outside of their lectures and tutorials. Just because you may have only have a few hours doesn’t mean you should hang around all day and then stay up ‘till some ungodly hour fretting over your work for the next day that you were too busy drinking your fourth cup of coffee to do. What has been the best thing so far about UCD academic life? You are doing something you chose to specialise in instead of covering some horrible course work you never plan on looking at again. How did you survive come essay/test time? On cola and other caffeinated beverages, but don’t do that. 2nd year Law student: What were the greatest academic challenges you came up against in first year? Motivating myself to do something and anything in the way of work, especially if you just did the Leaving Cert. I felt that I deserved a break but it doesn’t really work that way unless you actually take the year out.

Did anything surprise you about college academic life? The short hours really threw me for a while. I’m doing Arts so I only had around twelve hours or so per week. There’s so much more freedom as a result. You can choose when to do your tutorial work and readings. You also manage to fit in a few three-hour breaks here and there.

Did anything surprise you about college academic life? Everything is self-orientated. You are taught but not in the same manner that you were beforehand. There is a certain level they expect you to be at and from there they will give you the information you need to get on with it.

What advice would you give to all

What advice would you give to all

first year students? Get into it early and don’t let the work build up. Then you will have no troubles.

something you are supposed to be gradually gaining fluency in. Commerce is fine once you manage your workload evenly as well. How not to write an essay

Do you have any advice specifically for first year law students? For law, the readings given each week are really tested so do bother to read them from the beginning. What has been the best thing so far about UCD academic life? I suppose, you know where the future lies from here on in. How did you survive come essay/test time? Cramming was involved to be honest but that could’ve been avoided. However, most first years end up doing it to an extent as they get caught up in the new social scene and the novelty of it all. Commerce and Language student: Do you have anything to add that’s specific to your course that will help first year commerce and language students? Remember with a language that you need to practice more than a lot of other subjects- it’s harder to cram for

• Don’t begin by refreshing with a million cups of coffee. You will be so hyped up that whatever you write will either be uninhibited genius or the rubbish spoutings of an idiot. Do you really want to take the chance? Think of your embarrassment re-reading it after you’ve handed it in. • Never do it the night before. Don’t even try to convince yourself that you’re something of an owl and actually prefer to work late. No, you’re a procrastinator. Once again, think of the future embarrassment you’ve set aside for yourself. •Even worse than the night before is doing it on the day itself. You will set your alarm for half six, but you won’t get up until seven forty-five, at which point everything has to go spectacularly well in order for you to get it in on time. It won’t, you don’t have the typing skills of a robot and your busman hates you so good luck. There’s a good chance that you will also realise

Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

your printer is out of ink this morning. •If everything is running like a well-oiled machine and you’ve managed a first draft, back it up onto a floppy disc in case your computer decides to freeze. •If you’ve run out of things to say, just look over your work and think for a while. Don’t just mindlessly stick in large quotes and then paraphrase what it says. To give them credit, the person correcting this will know what you’re doing and won’t appreciate you treating them like an idiot. •Don’t overuse your thesaurus. It will either come across as unnatural or hilarious depending on how badly you overuse it. •Lastly, when researching or looking for the finishing touches for your essay, don’t solely stick to the internet. Unless you have a specific article or piece of information in mind, half your lecture hall has probably found that finishing touch you stumble across. Go to the library and use some of their stuff too- it’s the big spacey area with loads of books hanging around at the end of the corridor.

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College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide



Welcome to lesser spotted UCD UCD, a concrete jungle? The College Tribune begs to differ. Broaden your horizons a little; every student must get itchy feet at some stage. Get adventurous and go where no Fresher has ever gone before- out past the lake and into the wildly exciting realms of the lesser-known UCD.

The wildlife trek The Secret Lake This place has seen many a covert tryst, and the secret lake is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s secret, and it’s a lake. However, those murky depths have more use than the static green surface would seem to suggest. It makes the perfect chat-up line, offering to take some poor unfortunate out there, and is a nice spot (during the day) for a quiet cup of tea. It takes most Freshers at least a few months to be let in on the secret, but as this really aims to be the ultimate Fresher’s Guide, you need brain-boggle no more.

Out beyond the drunken throngs of the Belfield bus stop, there exists a mucky country lane, complete with mushrooms, dilapidated buildings and mysterious wildlife. Yes, this is the wildlife trek that extends all the way around the campus. If you close your eyes and inhale the scent of green, green grass, you could be in the Garden of Eden. Until you hear that police car siren whizzing happily by and realise you’ve just mucked up your brand new Fresher clothes. Still, it’s good while it lasts.

The Tunnels These dank underground passages are home to a litany of folklore. It is fabled that this was the location for many a secret sojourn and soiree, and that eventually the party was broken up by a group of homeless gate-crashers either intent on hating the students or looking to rest their

The Sundial Garden Located out by the Clinton Institute, or Belfield House, this is one of the quaintest areas of UCD. In a word, it’s pretty. True, half the Sundial has been stolen, but this rose-bush filled hidden garden might just be the perfect place to get away from that annoying stalker who keeps popping up outside the library, by ‘coincidence’.

weary heads. However likely this may seem, there’s no denying their existence. The odds aren’t wonderful of getting in, the entrances are treated like Brady’s version of St.Peter’s gates to heaven and so are usually locked, but lady luck may be your friend. Grab your burgeoning bag of booze and bumble your way into UCD’s most exclusive nightspot.

Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

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12/09/2008 17:29:25



College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide News

The (slightly) Definitive guide A b

A - Alcohol, your main source of comfort, nourishment and expenditure for the year ahead.

Fresh to UCD? Intimidated? Lost? Overwhelmed? Well fear not, the Tribune’s intrepid Jennifer Bray shares her years of UCD experience to help you face the big-bad college world

B- Balls. Most societies host their own ‘balls’. Perfect excuse for drunkenness disguised as something civilised.

C – Cash. You won’t have any. Expect subsistence on levels unprecedented.


D- Deadline. Late essays equal lost grades, but procrastination feels so good in a very bad way.

d e

made in UCD. (“I’m going to get up at seven and go running before my lecture” Don’t disappoint yourself please)

E- Endangered. All of the traditions and all of the rituals that made this fine university great.

O- Orange. The colour of some female and male specimens, don’t be alarmed, it’s not a medical condition, and you won’t catch anything.

o f

F- Failure… and hope to pass by compensation.


G- Gonorrhoea, the Sindo’s expert view on the main ailments of us UCD students.


H- Hangover, welcome to your new, but permanent state of being.


Indeed. Say it, nod, and look purposeful when addressed by scary philosophy lecturer.


J- J1. The typical student summer experience, but reputably one of the best.


K- Keys. The most endangered item in your bag when you’re a bit sauce faced.

L- Lake, the murky depths you should never venture to even contemplate venturing. Or Library. The other Murky depths you really should contemplate venturing into, but won’t. Also Librocop. Get to recognise this mysterious library patrolman.


M- Mochas, 60 cents. One of the best-kept secrets on these concrete fabled lands of glory. Located in the seating area of 911, press 53 and see all your caffeine dreams come true.



P- Parking. Unless you’re in before 8:30 AM, you won’t get parking at all, anywhere, and your efforts to arise from the dead will be in vain.

N- Nitelink. Too cheap for a taxi? Recession blues? Catch the 5euro




Q- Quiet. You will never ever hear this in UCD. (Ever)


R- running track, the most-oftenbroken promise

Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

S- Splash steps. Familiarise yourself with the campus ‘splash steps’, the fadfones which will douse water on you when you trudge on them , particularly in the nuclear shed (Arts Block)



T- Tesco. A ten-minute walk from campus, beside St.Vincents. Shop N’Save.

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12/09/2008 17:29:2

College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide



OF UCD COLLeGe LiFe UUgg boots. Called Ugg for a reason. They are mightily ugly. Or University College Dublin Dublin. Ridiculous.


310 HAROLDS CROSS ROAD Tel 01 4923977 Fax 01 4922707 E-mail

V- Vultures. Students to Freebies this Fresher’s Week. Get in there, fling a few two euros about and enjoy the ‘freebies’.



Tel 014907179 Fax 014920301 E-mail

10% OFF

WWildlife. UCD wildlife ranges from Swans to s w a n s again.



*excludes medicines & prescriptions. Student ID required.

CITY CENTRE LOCATIONS: X- Xenophobe. The word m o s t likely to stir the relic activists of this institution.

Grafton Street 01 6790467 O’Connell Street 01 8730427 Henry Street 01 8731077



Y- Yesterday. The day you were supposed to get everything done.

Z- Zero. An all-encompassing amount. The amount you’ll spend truly awake in lectures/ the amount in your wallet/ your tolerance.




Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

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12/09/2008 17:29:25



College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide News

yOUnG, brOKe & nOCTUrnAL

Jordan Daly delves into the deep underworld of Dublin nightlife. Well, maybe not that deep...

Why did you study so hard for the Leaving Cert? Academic enlightenment? Hardly. Scholarly advancement? Surely not. Entry to the college experience is more boozy than bookish. Everyone eventually discovers their own personal haunts and dark dwellings, so here is one man’s personal experience of the Dublin nightlife, thoughtful attempts to help and inform the poor ignorant first years in their rapid transformation from quiet and scared loners to merry drunken revelers. By now you are all aware that alcohol can be consumed at eleven o’clock in the morning from the student bar. Easy tiger. There are plenty of great bars just a short bus journey away so don’t waste all your hard earned cash on that jukebox in the Student Bar and pints of Fosters. There is a right time and a wrong time for the Student Bar. There are loads of gigs and events throughout the year, these are usually cheap and sell out quickly so keep the eyes glued to those posters on the concourse. If you find yourself down the other end of the campus, (the Student Bar is located in between the restaurant and the Quinn School of Business) you will come across the Centre Club. It may be a nicer looking establishment, but on a regular evening has less atmosphere than the planet Jupiter. They both sell affordable beer so this place is great for a pint after a match or whatever wonderful sport you take up (and do because sport is a guise for drinking buddies club in UCD). So once you have been acquainted with your new locals, pluck up the courage and venture out into the big bad city. If you are here from the country, grab your roommates, or your new friends who sit beside you in class and get out there. If you are like myself and spend first year hanging around with the same group of friends who followed you to UCD, then humbly request that they get off their arse and meet new people in town. So it’s early, and you want to hit the pub first. For the more cash-strapped ones among you, maybe you just want to get tanked up in the gaff first, it’s cheaper so the pub guide will brief. There are a few interesting pubs such as The Woolshed, Parnell Street and The Porterhouse, Parliament Street. The former is an Australian-themed pub, complete with pub quizzes on Tuesdays and is bedecked with pool tables, Nintendo Wiis, Karaoke and

live sport. This is one of the only bars to show the Superbowl live. The latter brews its own beer and boasts a drinks list of hundreds of delicious and adventurous beers and cocktails. More traditional, yet young and lively pubs include Hogan’s off Georges Street and The Barge Inn on the canal. Fitzsimons of Templebar is good craic if you like the stags and hens parties. Messrs Maguire on the Quays is like Fitzsimons, a fully-fledged superpub with four floors, music and a late bar. Messrs is decent but nothing spectacular. If it’s a beer garden you seek for the smoker within, try Kobra Bar, formerly Dicey’s Garden of Harcourt Street. It has a fantastic beer garden, with a notoriously flirtatious crowd and a great location. If you don’t venture all the way into

town there are a few spots in the Dublin suburbs where plenty cheap and cheerful student types can be found. Rathmines hosts TramCo, a stylish club and bar with mostly pop music. On a typical weekday one can avail of drink promotions and the dress code is shirt and shoes for the lads. Toast, a late bar close by has a better crowd for older students with a much better music playlist. You may have to splash the cash a little bit more in Toast, but it is thoroughly worthwhile spot with a dance floor and a cool crowd, and is a personal favourite of your intrepid correspondent. If you feel the urge to cross the Liffey, the northside is home to two places of interest. Barcode of Fairview is a massive complex capable of holding

throngs of the sedimentary elements of society. It is enormous, complete with an arcade upstairs. Boasting decent music for shaking the hips, it could easily be said this is the place to be on a Thursday night. Finally Quinns of Drumcondra contains the whole of St. Pats and, by association, lots of GAA heads. Clubs are abundant, and not so casual so can be mount quite a challenge for dilapidated-dressed students. We are of the bullshitting crowd and need a place where we can weave our tall tales if we are to get lucky, and lets be honest that’s a big reason for going out to clubs. So if you prefer to show off the dance moves, strut your stuff, dress sharply and flash the cash these are some of the places you should check

Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

out. 21s on D’Olier Street is perfect for the D4 crowd among you and its only €3 drinks on a Monday. If you can’t get in here and don’t want to go far brace yourself and enter the cave that is Redz of the Quays near O’Connell Street. Watch out for underagers, foreigners and other miscreants here. Citibar on Dame Street is quite student friendly with drinks promotions and cheap entry. The crowd is ok but if you are looking for some easy action head to Harcourt Street. Copper ìslapperî face Jacks is an infamous orgy of boggers and mingers not to be sniffed in a state of sobriety, but it might be just the ticket if you want to break that dry spell. If you’re looking for tradition, The Palace of Camden Street is a place steeped in UCD boozy folklore. The cool-crowd may have moved on to new and more adventurous locations, but the place still makes even the more hardened old UCD campaigner a little misty eyed. A word of warning, you need to avoid certain places. Repel them like an acute dose of gonorrhea; separate yourself from them like you would part Gary Glitter from a nursery. Qbar is always empty and overpriced with pig ignorant doormen. Club M is similarly awful. Boomerangs is as bad if not even worse. Avoid Flannerys unless you have a craving for line dancing and forget Judge Roy Beans unless you like interrogation on the door. Any venue on Dawson Street is a license for robbing you blind and drinking with old men in suits. Finally a few places where students always get in if you are stuck or if your idea of a good time, like me, is a place where you walk in no hassle wearing t-shirt and whatever shoes, get a seat and have a DJ playing indie and rock all night. Sure the place smells funky but it sounds good and the love is free. Try Crawdaddys of Harcourt Street, Wednesdays are packed with gigs every week and €3 drinks. Doyles on College Street, is a student favourite with no dress code and great music and cool crowd. Might want to get your inebriation levels up before you come in though, drink is not cheap after midnight. Wexford Street is worth a gander too, playing host to Whelans and the Village offering live music and a trendy crowd. That’s it from your going out guru, be safe and have fun.

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12/09/2008 17:29:25

College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide



Brown Slop? Green Slop or Red Slop? Barra O Fianail takes a look at some of the culinary frights on campus. If your dearest mother is unwilling to pack your lunch box any more, just because your ‘technically’ an adult now, then you’ll probably just have to get money of her to buy your munch on campus. But this throws up two questions, why exactly is that woman so unreasonable, and where do you get food in this concrete jungle. We shall see… Some general advice before we kick of however, if you try to get food at lunch time, be prepared to queue until dinner time. Also, portion sizes vary with the mood and personality of the eateries employees, so be prepared to kiss some dinner lady ass to get those elusive extra few spuds. The Restaurant $$$

The Main Restaurant, The Colosseum of UCD eateries, feeds more hungry students every day than Concern. Un-

like the Colosseum, widely regarded to be among the greatest of all the ancient Roman structures, many people think that the Restaurant is one area best steered clear of. Students, however, can be extremely hard to satisfy, so is all this criticism fair? With regard to breakfast, it certainly is not. The Full Irish will punish those sitting beside you in lectures later on, but it is undoubtedly delicious, and the student special won’t break the bank either. The lunches and dinners are more hit and miss, the quality of which will never lead you to believe you’re eating in an actual ‘restaurant.’ But the food is decent, portions acceptable, and prices only a little exorbitant. Heads up though, its only about two euro for a tiny sachet of ketchup, so bring your own, or else give the stuff up, and load up instead on the salt, the free taste of which is yumyum-yum.

The Student Bar $$ The bar can be one of the best places on campus to satisfy that hunger, usually serving up some basic but reliably good hot dishes. They also offer a menu of fancier dishes, which, though a bit pricey, look and taste like something you would pay a lot more for when out and about. Soup and sandwiches are also available, but be warned, if you try to eat your own food, the scary bar men will hoist you up and punch you in the face for eight days. If all this, plus the rather alluring waitress and availability of booze is not enough to entice you, then go somewhere else. Centra $$ Among the most popular places on campus to pick up your roll, the deli in Centra is a tasty midway point between the healthy O’Briens option

and the plasticy convenience of NineOne-One. Unless you live in Merville or the Glen, it’s a bit of a trek of course, but many hold it to be a journey worth making, and if the sun, a big yellow thing, which is rumoured to be hiding in the sky ever comes out again, the pitches nearby provide a scenic setting for an impromptu picnic. Don’t forget the Meanies. Insomnia $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A great place to eat if you want to pay fifty Euros for a pre-made sandwich. Eating here is a lifestyle choice, if you want to be a Quinn bunny (boiler?), maybe Insomnia is for you, but don’t go there for the food. Hilpers / The Orts Café $$$ A popular hide out for arts fartsy folk,

Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

the Arts Café, formerly and fondly referred to as Hilpers, doesn’t actually offer any fresh food. It does, though, have the most sought after soup on campus. Usually quite a busy place, even at off-peak times, the hustle and bustle can be a bit much. If you can stand their smell however, it can be fun to watch the Arts students try to function. Funny little monkeys. By the way, if you are calling it Hilpers, you have been in UCD too long. O’Briens in Health Sciences and Richview $$$$$ Nothing really different about our O’Briens from any other, you pay a little extra to eat a little healthier. If your hunger is particularly potent, try the triple decker, king of all sandwiches. Scientists say that just one of these mammoth bad boys could have prevented the famine. Fact.

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12/09/2008 17:29:25



College Tribune | September 16 2008

Fresher’s Guide News

Get into sport UCD has, as you will probably have been told countless times at this stage, one of the best collections of sports facilities in the country. A Gym, Countless all-weather pitches, two stadiums and football pitches galore, to name but a few. But what if you don’t fit the brief in terms of football and rugby skill. We still have the answer! Here are a few of the lesser-known sports that UCD has to offer its wide-eyed fresher… “There’s a Batman!” Ninjutsu Chances are this particular sport will take off in the coming months thanks largely to Bruce Wayne’s nocturnal antics. This particular martial art is Batman’s primary weapon against the scum of Gotham City’s underworld, so naturally it is on offer at UCD. On a slightly more serious note the ancient art of Ninjutsu stretches b a c k t h o u sands of years. It incorporates such techniques as disguise, escape, concealment, archery and explosives. As these methods of espionage were considered to be somewhat dishonourable in ancient Japan the skills of ninja were imparted to those of a lower standing in society. Individuals who mastered these skills became less than human in the eyes of society and became known as “shinobi no mono”. The school of Ninjutsu focuses heavily on 18 essential skills. This eclectic collection of expertise does not only focus on hand to hand combat but also fighting with spears, swords and staffs. It is, however, not all about violence, mental and spiritual refinement is a key factor in mastering this particular martial art. Given the theatricality of this sport it is the perfect choice for model professional and trickster alike.

on offer for students, typically no one else has followed suit. So if you like dodging big red balls (who secretly doesn’t?) UCD is the right place for you. It’s a sad state of affairs when an entire sport (yes it is a sport!) is dominated by a film of the same name. But fear not, you will not see Ben Stiller look-alikes here, rather similarly nervous first years who also wanted to try something new. It truly is a game for everyone incorporating unisex and single sex teams. The club aims to promote the game at all levels whether it is at a competitive level or simply for a bit of fun. Most of you will have played this at some stage, usually on the whim of some sadistic P.E teacher in primary school who really wasn’t bothered explaining the rules. Well you’ll be happy to hear that not much has changed. Just try and remember the 5 D’s; Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and…Dodge!

“You wanna get high?” Trampolining Another favourite of the bushy tailed bright eyed fresher and wizened 3rd year alike, the Tram-

pull off a few fancy tricks. The club’s life blood is its highly motivated team who police the four olympic standard tramplolines. The committee guarantees you a year of excitement and high flying fun when you come onboard! The acedemic year is positively littered with events from weekends away, bounce-a-thons, displays, to competitions all over Ireland and Scotland. So whether the idea of somersaulting 4 meters above the ground has always appealed to you, or you’re simply up for a lot of fun and excitement, the Trampoline Club is you best bet. polining Club offers its members the opportunity to kiss the sky or at the very least the ceiling. Beijing 2008 was trampolining’s third Olympic outing. This goes to show that it is more than just simply bouncing around aimlessly. This also displays how big the sport is becoming. It is as technical as any other olympic gymnastic sport with the added bonus of being great fun. The UCD club is open to all comers and no previous experience or ability is required, whether you’re aiming to compete at a a high level or just want to learn to

“Grab UCD by the balls” Dodgeball UCD was the first university to have a dodgeball club

The first frisbee as seen in Back to the Future III Ultimate Frisbee As we all know the game of frisbee was first invented by Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future III. But today the sport of Ultimate Frisbee is one of the world’s fastest growing sports. Ultimate Frisbee can be described as fun, high-energy and very sociable. A non-contact mixed field and indoor team sport requiring a high degree of speed and stamina matched in few other sports. The club takes part in numerous competitions both nationally and internationally. All levels are catered for with beginners and experienced players welcome. All of these unusual sporting ventures can be found in the real Fresher’s Tent, or in the Sports Centre. So if you actually feel like getting involved in something, avoid the lure of free pizza and false promises of cheap beer and “The Best Nights Outs EVER!”. Make your way over to these activities and get involved in something a little bit outside the box. Bryan Devlin

Your potential isn’t always obvious. But we see it. Lucy, future solicitor.

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College Tribune | September 16 2008




It’s a bit of a trek In part one of a series, we follow Jake Bullough as he pedals 12,000 kilometres on an adventure spanning thirteen countries At a time when I continuously mused over the progression of my life, I took the conscious decision to face a dream that would challenge me both physically and mentally more than ever before. The thought had been there for some years but doubts had always condemned it to the depths of impracticality. Cycling from my home in the peaceful countryside of Kerry, to the fabulously untamed metropolis of New Delhi, India, would commit me to testing the limits of my endurance and strength of will. The planning and preparation was intentionally minimal and I set off in the beginning of January with a myriad emotions competing for supremacy. Facing the unknown fills one with a sense of anxiety yet being unperturbed you cannot help but become exhilarated by your own daring. To shun an experience because of fear of the unknown is a fatal flaw which condemns people to a self absorbed, banal life of routine. As I crossed the familiar damp and misty countryside of the southern coast of Ireland doubts soon weighed me down. Potholes jolted my apprehension into life and impatient traffic condemned my positive demeanor to a long gone era. The patter of rain kept me company as I set into a comfortable rhythm passing towns still decorated in flickering Christmas lights and quietly suffering from a New Years Eve hangover. On reaching Rosslare port, I lay in my tent shivering and wallowed in self pity as my asthma steadily worsened leaving me gasping for breath and detesting the ice cold air which exasperated the pain in my chest. I rubbed arnica cream pointlessly onto my aching hamstring and couldn’t help but think that I may as well have peed on my leg for all the good it did. I felt utterly depressed. I knew the trip would be as much about overcoming the mental difficulties I encountered as much as the physical and after a sleepless night I bound out of the frozen tent determined that things would improve. Before I boarded the ferry to cross the Irish sea to Pembroke, I jogged around the sand dunes still cocooned in my sleeping bag like a delinquent in order to regain feeling in my numb feet and hands as respectable gentlemen walked their dogs in the first rays of the early morning sunshine. Even though the Welsh countryside was overcome by the onslaught of

winter, I gazed contentedly at the scenes I passed. Dark naked trees silhouetted against the sky, flocks of sheep huddled together in the crisp white fields and kids slid excitedly about on frozen ponds. That night I found myself searching in vain for a bed and breakfast in the midst of a dark eerie moor. Thoroughly exhausted and soaked to the skin, I was left with no choice but to abandon my search and bunk down in a hay barn. I crawled into my sleeping bag, covered it in straw and felt oddly comforted by my modest lodgings. I admired the beautifully preserved thatched houses and quaint villages as I passed through the rolling hills of Gloucester and Cheltenham before arriving in ancient Oxford. The city’s architecture did not disappoint and I jealously reveled in the university atmosphere for two days. I yearned to join UK’s most revered students in their quest for educational excellence but instead washed my smelly boxer shorts and cycled into the rain. In Tavershan and I stayed in a dilapidated council house with a delightfully eccentric old lady. The house was

sunshine, I watched the sea gulls soar and glide over the breathtaking white cliffs. As the ferry pulled away I desperately tried to recapture my pathetic command of the French language. While traveling through the open countryside I frequently stopped for breaks in charming cafes where gentle old men wearing berets greeted each other with affectionate kisses and I felt a tint of envy at their close comradeship. Nearby, there were huge burial grounds of fallen troops from world war one and I sat at the base of several memorials contemplating the waste and fragility of life. I studied the white head stones of young men from all over the world who died tragically fighting for a freedom which we in Europe take for such granted today. My thoughts became progressively darker as I battled an infuriating head wind and gazed upon overgrown military barracks and concrete bunkers. As night fell I stopped at one trench set in a little forest which looked down across the valley and supposedly any attacking forces. The inside of the bunker was reinforced with corrugated iron with coarse graffiti on the water-stained walls. I lay my sleeping bag out on the concrete floor and fell asleep listening to the sounds of the forest and imagining the terrifying echo of gunfire. The weather deteriorated for several days until I found myself caught in a ferocious storm. The cruel wind swept uninterrupted across the open plains and molested me with disregard for my well being. Ice cold rain slapped me painfully in the face and ripped at my hopelessly ineffective rain jacket. Huge lorries thundered past only inches from my handlebars leaving me grunting and groaning like a struggling tennis player, as I desperately tried to control my uncooperative bike. I leaned at such an absurd angle against the uncompromising wind that on several occasions

“While having my morning shower I opened my soapy eyes to see the sister standing in her white habit in the doorway eyes a glaze and mouth open” surrounded by an old rusting VW van, a caravan covered in wild vines and wheels replaced by concrete bocks, sheets of plastic flapping in the wind, old cookers, pots full of wilted plants and discarded Christmas decorations and a large pile of worn moldy shoes. Following the 70-year old up the spiral staircase I diverted my eyes from her absurdly short miniskirt and gazed upon the assortment of ornaments and souvenirs that adorned every inch of wall, shelf and floor space. Elongated wooded giraffes looked shyly upon glass frogs covered in a thick covering of dust and a Spiderman plaque hung proudly next to a painting of an African tribe. Cats lurked in dark corners and dogs scratched from behind locked doors. On reaching Dover in the brilliant

it literally blew the bike from under me, depositing me helplessly in a tangled heap. On one occasion I lay gazing up at the dark sky, feeling the cold muddy water of the ditch running over my sweating body, arms and head and began laughing at what an insane sight I must have presented. I waved to bewildered passers by as they looked out of misty car windows with a mixture of sympathy and apprehension. I did not stop to eat all day as I couldn’t feel my hands but eventually knocked timidly at the door of a tiny thatched house and asked in my appalling French for some clean drinking water. Although a little surprised by the bedraggled foreigner standing before him, the kind gentleman ushered me inside. I stood by the wood fire awkwardly reciting platitudes as a pool of dirty water formed at my feet. Holy Mary peered down from a wooden beam and a pair of worn slippers warmed on a neatly stacked pile of fire wood. Jean had a weathered yet healthy face and wore a humble green cardigan full of holes. His wife appeared and urged me somewhat forcibly to discard my saturated clothes. Feeling justifiably self conscious I sat in my tight contourhugging long john underwear looking like some sort of dejected ballerina while Mrs Jean stood over me rubbing my hair with a coarse sand paper like towel. I felt indebted to this most generous couple and spent the evening curled up on the cozy couch, with their adorably overweight cat who drooled incessantly on my book, listening to sensual French music from an antique radio and thanked Holy Mary for guiding me there. As the days unfolded, I passed through near-deserted villages as its residents evaded the bad weather by staying indoors. The only sign of life

was the puffing chimneys, the whistle and whine of the wind through trees and the echoing of barking dogs. v I spent the night drying out in a Chambre D’Hote (a guest house) owned by a friendly lady and her excitable nun sister. The sister was obviously not used to having male guests and on shaking my hand she was compelled to stroke my arm with her quivering fingers. She had a nervous twitch, blinking uncontrollably and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy especially on examining the long whiskers protruding from her chin. While having my morning shower I opened my soapy eyes to see the sister standing in her white habit in the doorway eyes a glaze and mouth open. I’m not one to stifle a woman’s curiosity so I stood unashamedly exposed and wished her a polite “bon journe”. She pretended to rearrange the towels for some time with eyes affixed on me before skipping merrily out the door with a large smile on her face. Passing into Germany I occupied myself with trying to pronounce place names like Schwindratzheim and Schwarwaldhoftstrabe while gazing at the huge beautifully made wooden houses. It was an unusual 15 degrees and I cycled in a t-shirt, sympathizing with bored tourists who had come for their skiing holiday. I climbed to the highest point so far and stared in disbelief at the brown muddy slopes as the sun shone through the clouds for the first time since England. I’ve always been skeptical of the idea of a natural high but as the sky turned to a myriad of spectacular pinks, oranges and purples I felt elated after an extremely satisfying day.


College Tribune | September 16 2008

Regulars News




Everyone knows that it is incredibly handy to have pizza cooked by other people, packaged and delivered to your house by random strangers for completely unreasonable prices, but as we are paying so much for this service, should we really have to put up with the hassle that is that random stranger? The delivery guy arrives a reasonably short time after the order is placed, for which they must be commended, but would it kill them to smile? Even a semi-friendly ‘hello’ would be nice. However, more often than not, you’re

lucky to have the pizza handed to you and not actually flung in your general direction, followed by a murmur of “€25.50, please.” If you’re a kind and loving person, lucky enough not to find the unfriendliness tedious, good for you, but there is no way possible you could stay so amicable and good natured with the hot food transporter, when after handing him a €50 he asks, “Do you have anything smaller? I don’t have any change for this,” to which you’ll reply, “Evidently not mate, or else that’s what I would’ve given you,” to which

you’ll then receive a blank questioning stare as if to say ‘Well, what should I do?’ as if it is your problem to solve the situation. After a long awkward pause, if you’re lucky, he’ll be unable to give you the change, provoking you to snatch back your €50 and yell “Free Pizza” before slamming the door in his face, but if you’re unlucky, he’ll manage to find the change, but only in €1 euro coins or smaller, causing a great weight in your pants. Ultimately on a scale of one to annoying, these guys are a pain in the ass.



the fonz Everyone remembers The Fonz as a loveable rogue and one of the coolest teenagers of the 1950’s. Now 69 years of age, Fonzarelli still remains single and resides as always in a flat above the Cunningham’s Garage, despite the fact that Mr and Mrs Cunningham are now six feet under and Fonzie has free reign of the house, as Richie and Joanie merely use it as a holiday home.

The Fonz inherited Arnold’s restaurant after the death of Matsumoto “Arnold” Takahashi died tragically in a burger flipping incident during the ‘70s, however the Fonz lost the restaurant and the respect of his adopted son Danny during a lenghty sexual harassment lawsuit in the early ‘80s. Having lost everything and disowned by his family and friends during the lawsuit, Fonzie turned to drugs and for a short period, during the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, he was the biggest

heroin dealer in all of Wisconsin. Unfortunately during a drug raid, Fonzarelli was arrested and spent eight years in prison, where he developed homoerotic tendencies. After his release in 2004 he spent two years living with his partner Mike Hunt in Beverly Hills, until Mike left him for a younger man in 2006. Since his return to Wisconsin, the Fonz has been living life on the straight and narrow and was recently given a clean bill of health.

Volume xxii issue i

All the news that’s fit to satirise

Only 47p!

KEVIN MYARSE “EVEN I THINK I’M A BOLLOCKS” PAGE 3 This week Study on obesity looks for larger test group Snoop in Spielberg remake ‘ Snizzlers list’ War dims hope for peace John McCain to amend campaign slogan, ‘Country First, Condoms Second’ Amy Winehouse to dispute Einstein formula claiming E = £8.50 Dwarf pickpocketted. How could anyone stoop so low?

Sex sells cigarettes, literally

Following a recent article in an esteemed Talbot Street publication, the Sindo, cigarette sales have hit the roof, amongst UCD students. Last week students queued for hours in the blistering cold at UCD Student Union shops in order to get their hands on a packet of cigarettes and a ticket to the Fresher’s Ball. “I wasn’t going to attend the Fresher’s Ball this year, but if you can get a blow job for one cigarette, I can only imagine what an entire pack will get me, and the Fresher’s Ball will be seething with female freshers trying to get their hands on free cigarettes,” explains PhD student, Pat Patterson. “Back when I was a Fresher, it was a lot more expensive to get girls to prostitute themselves, so I’m ecstatic, to see that the younger generation are a lot more willing to get down and dirty for affordable prices.” Student’s Union Entertainments Officer, Gary Redmond, expresses his

shock at how rapidly the tickets are selling, “I’m shocked at how rapidly the tickets are selling. To be honest, the bands lined up aren’t very good. I mean, we’ve got the likes of The Coronas who play the Student Bar at least


seven times a day anyway, so I can only wonder why people are so eager to attend.” During a recent poll carried out by the UCD Students’ Union, it was revealed that over 100% of smokers will engage in sexual exploits for a single cigarette. MA student, Eimear Fabulous, says, “Cigarettes aren’t cheap these days and with the country in recession, what else are we expected to do? Personally, I feel that oral sex is quite reasonable payment for high quality nicotine.” “Usually I wouldn’t approve of mass smoking, however there has been a great sense of community spirit amongst the smokers in UCD in the past few weeks,” muses Vice President for Students, Martin Butler, “I’m currently in discussions with several UCD societies to produce a community musical about the highs and lows of smoking later this year. I imagine it to be a cross between the Sopranos and the

Sound of Music and I’m very excited about the project,” he continued. With this recent activity becoming more and more popular, it comes as no surprise to see a new society settling into this years fresher’s tent. UCD Societies Officer, Richard Butler, is very pleased with the founding of Cigs for Sex Soc; “It’s always great to see new, hip societies emerging and I have a feeling this will be a very good year for this new society and urge not only Freshers, but all students to join this great society during fresher’s week.” College officials are so pleased about the recent goings on, that they plan to use it as a selling point in the 2009/2010 prospectus, in order to lure more leaving certificate students to UCD. It has also been confirmed that a Sexy Cigarettes camaign highlighting the recent cigarette boom and explaining in detail why buying cigarettes is a good thing will be launched by the Student’s Union later this year.

DECISION08 n n n

World to write open letter to John McCain The Turbine has learnt that the world is currently drafting a open letter to Republican presidential nominee, John McCain, requesting his immediate cessation of the Presidency to Senator Barack Obama. A world spokesman told The Turbine, “It’s a general policy of the world to not meddle with U.S. internal affairs, however on this occasion we find it prudent to make an exception. “Even when it has become clear, as in recent years, that American voters are about to elect ignorant, incoherent buffoons who will add immeasurably to our own immiseration. In the past, we’ve seen the likes of Gore, Kerry and Clinton so we didn’t find it prudent to step in, but now this time - come on, you must be joking, you’ve got to be having a laugh.” In a recent CNN poll-of-polls,

Obama leads McCain 94 percent to 6 percent everywhere in the inhabited globe, with the exception of one notable country - the United States where Obama holds a one-point advantage. The world spokesman implied that perhaps maybe the Americans may not be particularly well informed about the U.S. election. Speaking on the basis of anonomity, the spokesman said “Look, this isn’t funny any more. “You’ve got one candidate who has a reasonably sane and comprehensive foreign policy combined with detailed knowledge of American domestic affairs, and another candidate who isn’t always sure which country he’s talking about and whose domestic policy consists of telling people to stop whining. Why are you even throwing this open to a vote? Are you people out of your small woolly minds?”

Run For Class-Rep We hope you enjoyed your first week (back) in UCD and are settling (back) in well. This week is one of the most important weeks of the year. As well as being Freshers' Week it's the week you get the opportunity to run for class rep. Running for class rep is the best thing you can do here in UCD. You get to know all your classmates, organise great class parties and trips and represent your class on Student Council. Fill in the form below and drop it into the Students' Union in the Student Centre or down to our stand in the Freshers' Tent this week.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION Nominations close at 5pm on Friday September 19th and the elections will take place on Tuesday September 30th & Wednesday October 1st. You can submit your nomination form by placing it into the metal box in the General Office of the Students' Union in the Student Centre or by handing it to the Union Returning Officer, who can be contacted at All candidates must be nominated by 10 students from the constituency being contested. Further nomination forms are available from the Union General Office in the Student Centre and at A list of nominated candidates will be placed on by 5pm on Monday September 22nd, alongside the polling scheme for the elections. If there is a contested election in your constituency and your class has lectures at a time or location that would make it difficult for your class to vote as set out in the polling scheme, please email the Union Returning Officer at, setting out when and where your class has lectures on the days of voting. Further information about the elections is available at and the Union Returning Officer can be contacted at

Union Council Union Council is the governing body of the Union, subject to the provisions of the Union's Constitution and policies set by the Union's members in referenda. All class representatives are members of Union Council, but all members of the Union are welcome to attend Council meetings, irrespective of whether they are elected to it. The first meeting of Union Council of this academic year will take place on Wednesday October 8th at 6pm. This inaugural meeting will elect a number of Union officers, including the Chair and Secretary of Council and a number of members of the Union Executive. Candidates should note that a member of Council will be deemed to have resigned if they fail to attend three consecutive meetings of the Union Council.

Class Rep Training The Class Rep Training Weekend will take place in October. This event is held at an off-campus venue. The Union will pay for all transport, accommodation and entertainment for the weekend. Campaigns & Communications Vice President of the Union, Dan O'Neill, will be in contact with successful candidates after the elections to confirm whether they will be attending. He can be contacted at or on 085 787 5176.

To find out what Constituency you are in go to

College Tribune | September 16 2008


Sport Down


Pete Mahon

Tony Ward

Brian Mullins

Page 24

Page 24

Page 25


down the line

Faster-Higher-Stronger? Something very strange is happening in Beijing; it is not Free Tibet protestors being locked up or even a democratic revolution. Currently in Beijing, the real Olympics have begun… Citius, Altius, Fortius, or in English “Faster, Higher, Stronger”. First put forward by Pierre de Coubertin in 1894, the Olympic motto has now become synonymous with the games, much in the same way the coloured rings have. With a motto such as this, it is not surprising that athletes the world over will risk it all to achieve greatness. With men and women now at the very pinnacle of their physical, mental and ultimately, athletic prowess it has nearly become understandable (if not accepted) that athletes will attempt to cheat. The list of disgraced athletes is endless, none however is more high profile than one Ben Johnson, a banned sprinter, who in 1998 was reduced to racing against a horse and a race car. He subsequently finished third. Meanwhile, after the dust has settled on the truly awful British contribution to the closing ceremony, the real games have begun. The Paralympics embody the full spirit of the Olympics, with half the controversy. You will not see disgraced sprinters being handed down life bans, you will not see pumped up weight lifters on veritable cocktails of performance enhancers. What you will see is athletes doing their very best to strive for greatness. The sentiment is all the more powerful given the fact that these sports people are competing with handicaps. It is easy to say the they are on a level playing field as each other but this is not the case, they each have their own handicap to overcome before they even set foot in the arena. Some people argue that the idea of the Paralympics is discouraging to other disabled people. The Paralympics are only ever going to add a beacon of hope in these dark times, from an Olympic perspective. The point of the Paralympics is to inspire hope and determination in those that would lose it. Look at the faces of the Paralympians as they cross the finish line. The sense of achievement is stampeed across their faces. If one needs any proof of the success of the Paralympics look no further than Oscar Pistorius. Many people (including himself) call him

the fastest man on no legs. Born without the fibula in both his legs, his parents had both legs amputated below the knee when he was just eleven months old. Today he is arguably one of the most successful Paralympians of all time. So successful, in fact, that he launched a bid to race in the Beijing Olympics against “able bodied” opponents. However he was banned by the IAAF who preferred that South Africa did not select him for their 4x400 relay team, on the grounds that his prosthetics could potentially cause injury to other competitors. His bid was ultimately turned down. He is, however, competing in the ongoing

Pistorius is hardly expected to compete without them. They simply give him the same chance of victory as any other athlete Paralympics and has already secured two gold medals. Oz’s bid to enter the Olympics has called into question a new type of doping, called techno doping. Essentially this ruling bans the use of mechanical equipment from the games, which are likely to give one athlete an unfair advantage over another. This ruling affects Pistorius as he is fundamentally a blade runner. That is to say he runs on blades called “Cheetahs”. Although not aimed directly at Pistorius, as he is the only

Paralympic athlete capable of running close to Olympic speeds, he will be the only one affected by this. How prosthetic legs give Pistorius an unfair advantage is beyond me. He is hardly expected to compete without them. They simply give him the same chance of victory as any other athlete, it is not as if he has rubbed flubber onto the soles. If one turns their gaze closer to home, it is hard to ignore our own achievement. Michael McKillop won gold in the men’s 800 metres, smashing the world record by nearly 2 seconds and Gabriel Shelly picked up a Bronze in the Boccia event. UCD’s very own David Peelo is involved in this years games and is attempting to guide the cycling team to greatness. While you will not hear too many cases of doping in the Paralympics, there is one controversy that the games seemed to have been unable to shake. That is the manner in which athletes have been deemed “ineligible” to compete. Recently Team Ireland’s Derek Malone was excluded from the tournament following a classification ruling by the Cerebral Palsy International Sports and Recreational Association (CP-ISRA). The ruling stated that Malone’s condition did not meet their minimal disability criteria. However, Malone competed in Athens in 2004 without question. While there is no cure for Cerebral Palsy the condition can be managed. Malone was assessed during Ireland’s 4-2 loss to Iran on the 8th of September and was then deemed ineligible. Malone has spoken out about the ruling stating that it flies in the face of everything he and other athletes believe in, that is, hard work and discipline. In an age when athletes are running faster than ever before and when countries are buying football clubs, it is my firm belief that it is the Paralympics which keep us grounded. For those of you who don’t believe me look at the picture of Michael McKillop trailing the tri-colour behind him- Spirit in motion.


College Tribune | September 16 2008

Sport News

Alone he stands With the Irish game in a state of transition, rugby legend Tony Ward takes a few moments to talk to Bryan Devlin about how much the game has changed, how much it will change and that day in October thirty years ago… On the 31st of October 1978 Munster defeated the All Blacks in what has now become a game synonymous with near myth or legend. Tony Ward scored two drop goals and a conversion in that game. Ward is a former Irish outhalf who has played for Leinster, Munster and The Lions. While playing for Munster he became part of a very exclusive group of players. Tony recalls that fabled day casually as if he has done it a thousand times before; “We were all aware of the tradition of Munster rugby against touring sides when we played that day. That was one thing which we were very conscious of. And yet if you thought you had any chance of winning it in advance, the answer was no. So what you were looking to do was to go out and put in a respectable performance.” Munster in the days of the amateur era were not the rugby juggernaut they are today. We have all heard the stories of players warming up in a car in the car park with the heater on, and the idea of the small provincial side beating the All Blacks was nearly preposterous. “My lasting memories of that day would be firstly we are talking thirty years ago, obviously that was during the amateur era so teams didn’t come together until right before the match. But in our case we gathered on the bank holiday before Halloween, and we trained on the Saturday morning even though the game wasn’t until the Tuesday afternoon.” In those days such a seri-

ous slant on training was nearly unheard of. Tony initially thought they had trained only on the Sunday prior, but after a taking a moment to clarify concedes it probably was the Saturday. “So as you can see there was quite a bit of preparation for the game. It was absolutely pissing down rain in Limerick all weekend as we trained. Of course on Tuesday the 31st the sun

“People were just stunned at what they were witnessing. The silence was chilling, almost eerie” came out and it was just a stunning day. Therefore everyone thought any hope we had of winning went out the window with the bad weather” Obviously the poor conditions would have favoured Munster, but as it happened the conditions favoured the home team. Munster would go onto win 12-0 in a stunning victory. “My abiding memory of that day would be the half time with us 9-0 ahead. We were under the old stand in Thomond Park and Donal Caniffe was giving the team talk and was essentially saying that we were forty minutes from achieving something

truly exceptional. The silence at half time was just unbelievable, because people were just stunned at what they were witnessing. The silence was chilling, almost eerie because normally in a situation like that you can imagine the atmosphere. Even for the first ten or fifteen minutes of the second half the silence continued and then gradually the realisation came that there could be a serious upset on the cards here. Just the surreal atmosphere of the afternoon is the standout memory of the afternoon.” Since retiring from rugby Tony has taken up coaching at St. Gerards College in Bray, commentating and also writing for the Irish Independent. He has seen the transition of rugby through to the professional era which most of you would be familiar with. Regarding Ireland’s own transition he feels it has benefited the national game immensely. “Professionalism has benefited Ireland at the highest level. The professional transition has been very good for Ireland. We are now right up there with the top nations. Albeit if you disregard the hiccough of the last World Cup, we are at an amazing place in terms of international rugby, a place which we thought we’d never be. I certainly remember the days when we would never have been contenders for the big prizes but at the moment on any given day we could challenge most of the top nations. The downside is of course, and this is not only in Ire-

land but all over the world, that the club game has been completely decimated into an appalling state of being.” Since the introduction of professionalism, the lure of the club game as gone straight over players heads. “I do not have the answer to the problem, but it is something which needs to be addressed in unions the world over. Because at the moment nothing is being done about it and the game could certainly suffer in the long run as a result.” Tony and many others believe that the success of Ireland on the world stage depends to some degree on the success of its domestic league, that is, the club game. That is not to say that Munster and Leinster’s

respective achievements have not benefited the game, but certainly the question of the club game needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. “If we do not have a vibrant club game we’ve got serious problems ahead.” There’s a theory thrown around which argues that there is nothing for the ex-senior cup players in the game after sixth year thus causing a so-called “drop-off” after the school’s games wrap up. Considering Tony has direct experience as a coach at schools level he claims that this phenomenon is nothing more than a theory. “In fact, if anything the drop-off would have been greater in times past, relatively speak-

UCD Manager Pete Mahon write exclusively for the College Tribune

For Pete’s Sake I felt that the Finn Harps game was a fifty-fifty game. The conditions were deplorable, we played in the fog and Harps were a fitter and stronger team than us. They created more chances in the game and I think they deserved to win. There is nothing I can do to try and break our bad streak of form that I haven’t already tried in the last six games or so. We just haven’t won enough games but we have to just keep doing the things we are doing and hope that it will change for us. We have the same players as before and the training schedule is good. Everything is geared towards winning more games but we just haven’t got there yet. It’s a huge disappointment not just

Pete Mahon “I think we are victims of running the club the way it should, the right way”

for me but for everybody, we all felt bad when we were beaten and there is nothing like a win. When we won in Galway there was no game the following week and no chance for continuity. That was a problem, but there is no question, we have just found it very difficult this year. I think we are victims of running the club the way it should, the right way. Paying wages every week, looking after players etc. Sometimes that just backfires a little bit. I think we have been victims of that while other clubs seem to do as they please or at least get away with things we don’t. Last week there were no facilities to have showers after the match, and that is just not acceptable in this day and age. That has happened on three occasions this year. People tell me the league has moved on, I don’t think it has at all.

As far as players go, it’s well documented where our problems are and they are not in defense. We don’t score enough goals, that’s our downfall. We create two or three chances a game but our goal total is abysmal. When we are not scoring greater pressure is put on the defenders. When we go a goal behind we begin to panic as a result of our lack of confidence up front. Everybody is looking for goal-scorers that is why there are vast sums of money being paid for them. It’s very difficult because most of the good forwards are with the top teams. If we were further up the

College Tribune | September 16 2008 ing. Now you have so many competing factors, playstations for example, getting the kids out is an achievement in itself. I certainly don’t see the dropoff; I know that a lot of our students would certainly go out and play for the local clubs after they finished at schools level.” While the theory of this drop-off may be untrue, there is one thing which the IRFU are doing which does not benefit the game. “What they are doing is that they are trying to fast-track 14 or 15 year olds into academies. They are trying to identify young talent and get them into provincial games as young as possible.” This technique would have been entirely necessary in times gone by as an effort to get the youngsters interested in the game at an early age, so as to not lose them to football or soccer. But with the game now more popular than ever are these kind of tactics still needed? “This is by-passing the club game, and just adds to the woes of the club set up. What the IRFU is doing is wrong and I hate what is going on in that regard.” While the “golden age” of Irish rugby may be coming to a close, the introduction of a new head coach and a few youngsters could very well herald in a second coming. “I look at the ‘golden age’ in two ways. Firstly, it was indeed a golden age for some players, take for example Paul O’Connell and Brian O’Driscoll. Secondly, they were a great group of players and achieved something which has never been done before.” Tony is referring to the three triple crowns in four years. “That achievement has now been down graded by some people, and I think that is a disgrace. Just because this particular team has not won a World Cup or a grand slam or a championship, should not take away from what they have achieved. I don’t buy into that and I would love to see this group go on and silence their critics. “Declan has an uphill battle ahead of him. Having said that, I would have been a huge fan of Eddie O’Sullivan but there’s something we have all learned and that is there is no doubt that everybody has a shelf life and with respect to Eddie it was time for a new coach and new ideas. I think that Declan coming in will have a gal-

vanising effect on the whole setup.” While Declan Kidney has had his critics in the past, and not all of them from Leinster, he himself has come along way since he last time he moved up to Leinster. “I think it’s slightly different this time, he is taking over a role slightly like Clive Woodward. This is something which Declan does very well and that is delegation. He has brought in all sorts of people who do a whole host of individual jobs. He has also forged links with the provincial sides; links which were left go stale under the last administration.” This is perhaps an understatement; the links between the national and provincial sides didn’t go stale as much as they turned sour. With The 30th anniversary of the legendary victory over the All Blacks quickly approaching and with that the autumn international season for the national side, there is one thing which Tony sees as vital and that is the manner in which the Irish team must meet the upcoming games. “You won’t hear Declan calling these games friendlies or warm-ups. These games are chance for Declan and indeed the new team to stamp their own authority on the whole set up.” With home games against the All Blacks, Argentina, France and England the 08/09 season is set to be smashing one and Ireland can look back with pride at the history of Irish Rugby as Tony looks on from the stands and the commentary box.

table it would give younger players a chance to develop. When you’re struggling to stay in the league as we are young players feel it more than ever. They always make mistakes, it’s part of their development, but when you are scrapping to stay in the league and putting young players in maybe too much is expected of them. As regards our A team this year, they are doing quite well. They’re on top of the table at the moment. We have a good group of players but we need a better environment in terms of winning matches because there is nothing better to help develop their confidence than to win games come out on top. S i x scholarship students are in at the moment and

some were playing last week against Galway. Most will be playing in the U20 league starting at the moment. You can never tell how young players are going to develop but we are hopeful and if you look at our track record it shows up quite well. I’m looking forward to the match this week, I think Sligo Rovers are one of the best teams in the league. They lost a couple of players through budgetary reasons but they are still doing quite well and sitting comfortably mid table. Paul Cooke has a good eye for a player and has good contacts from his time in the U.K. They do try to pass the ball and I have been very impressed with them. It’s going to be a tough game, we’ve had two nil all draws with them and the nil all earlier this season down in the show-grounds was one of the best games we’ve been involved in all season. It will be like any other game we’ve played in this league. They will want to win, as professional players it’s their livelihood and we want to fight to stay in this league. It’s a home game and I reckon if we win our home games between now and the end of the season we will be OK.



■■ Bookies’ favourite: UCD Director of Sport Brian Mullins (inset), is poised to take on the Dublin role

Mullins tipped for star GAA role UCD Director of Sport and Dublin football legend, Brian Mullins, is now the bookies favourite to succeed Paul Caffrey as Dublin manager. Mullins initially started out as an outsider, with some bookmakers offering odds as high as 13-1, however the St. Vincents clubman has recently seen his odds slashed down as far as 2-1, replacing Mick Deegan as favourite. This is not the first time Mullins has found himself in the running for what could be seen as the biggest managerial job in GAA. Four years ago, he was narrowly pipped to the post by Caffrey after he was widely believed to have fallen out with the Dublin County Board over plans to hire a media-relations advisor. This could be a potential stumbling block for Mullin’s chances this time as it seems unlikely he will back down on these demands now if he didn’t back down on them four years ago. The four-time All-Ireland winner’s only previous experience in inter-county management came between 1995 and 1998 when he managed the Derry senior football team. Mullins enjoyed considerable success with the Oak Leaf men defeating Donegal in the National League finals of ‘95 and ‘96 and in the Ulster

■■ Eoghan Glynn final of ‘98. Following defeat to eventual All-Ireland Champions, Galway, Mullins left the Derrymen. However, the former midfielder’s playing career will surely mean he will be the perfect person to inspire a Dublin team crushed from yet another year without All-Ireland glory. Regarded as one of the finest midfielders of all-time, Mullins won his All-Irelands in ‘74, ‘76, ‘77 and ‘83 (despite infamously getting sentoff in the first half of that final). He has also had All-Ireland club success with St. Vincents in 1976. This experience in winning All-Irelands could be exactly what this Dublin team needs as for four consecutive years, they’ve coasted their way to Leinster titles only to be undone in the All-Ireland series. Mullin’s main competition for the vacant role seem to come from within the county, in the form of Mick Deegan, Mick Galvin and Brian Talty. Deegan, the early favourite, guided Fingal Ravens to their first ever Dublin Intermediate Football Championship and Leinster Intermediate Football Championship in 2007 and has also recently brought All-Ireland success to the Dublin Junior

team. However, with the lack of any senior inter-county or club management to his name, inexperience could be an issue for Deegan. Other contenders for the job come from outside the county with former Kerry manager Paidi O’Sé declaring his interest, current Westmeath manager Tomas O’Flatharta and former Down manager Pete McGrath also being tipped by many. It would take a brave decision from the Dublin County Board to appoint an ‘outsider’ following the idea being rejected by many Dublin greats. The possible backlash from Dublin fans is likely to sway the Dublin County Board towards appointing a Dub. However, stories regarding the respective candidates chances can only be taken with a pinch of salt as the Dublin County Board have already announced that they will be taking their time over an appointment for the job. The County Board have yet to assemble the sub-committee who will be left in charge of coming up with a recommendation to fill the vacant post. Although it is yet unclear when this subcommittee will be assembled, we are sure to have a new Dublin manager by the start of the National Football League in February of next year.


College Tribune | September 16 2008

Sport News

Doom and gloom Eoghan Brophy brings you up to speed on the League of Ireland, with UCD desperate to dodge the drop The Eircom League has gotten the publicity they so desperately crave. Unfortunately most of it has not been of the favourable variety. Drogheda and St. Pats adventures in Europe have been the major highlights of the season but it is the financial woes that have garnered most of the column inches in the papers. Amidst all the overspending on wages and investors withdrawing money, perhaps the best run club in the country looks set for relegation. Of course, I’m talking of UCD. UCD never look to be burdened with threats of extinction due to huge debts but they also will never get the funds they need to progress. This has been proven during the season by UCD’s action on the transfer market. Tony McDonnell’s retirement coincided with the departure of Conor Sammon, Conan Byrne and Darren Quigley whose absence has hurt the students badly. And the reality has been stated many times before, but UCD just can’t compete on the wages front. Usually the sublime quality of the U21’s and U20’s has come through for them to take the

place of these influential players, but that hasn’t materialised this season. Timmy Purcell is not as prolific in front of goal as ‘the Sammon of College’, and a lack of strike men has left UCD struggling. With only seventeen goals going in this season pressure has been mounting at the back. When UCD concede a goal nowadays it is hard to see them getting a win from the game. One position where UCD have covered for is between the sticks, and Matt Gregg has been nothing short of immense in goal. Gregg has kept UCD in games and salvaged draws with a series of magnificent saves. He has even tried to help with their goal-scoring problem, converting a last minute equaliser against fellow relegation struggler’s Cobh Ramblers at the Belfield Bowl. But it was their recent loss to Finn Harps which has been typical of UCD’s season and has nearly certified them of relegation. Stephen Parkhouse and Conor Gethins are capable of bagging goals for the Donegal men while they are also able to attract better players on loan with

the likes of Dave Tyrell already proving his worth with his 30-yard wonderstrike against the Students. The game petered on for the rest of the 90 minutes, with UCD creating chances but were unable to convert. Matt Gregg once again kept them in the game with some outstanding saves to match Parkhouse’s strikes. However it was a defensive mistake which cost UCD, as substitute Greg Bolger’s slip allowed Chris Breen in to score the second for Harps. Harps are now 4 points ahead of the students, and with only 8 games to go it is beginning to look ominous. It does look like the league will have much the same outlook at the end of the season with UCD, Galway and Cobh likely to be relegated. Bohemians have got both hands on the trophy and are just waiting for the mathematical issues to be sorted out before they

can be given the cue to lift the title. They have conceded only eight goals this season, eight goals less then the next best defence– Derry City. And you can’t say they have been boring having notched up 40 goals along the way, more than any other team in the league. They have the best team and arguably the best manager in the league so no one can deny them the league title, it is just a pity that Kevin Hunt has retired too early to lift it one more time for the Gypsies. Cork’s ten point deduction and Drogheda’s inconsistent form will probably see them just miss out on the other two European spots. Pat’s have played some exciting football this season with Keith Fahy a major instigator in what they have achieved. Hertha Berlin are on the cards for Pats in the first round proper of the UEFA

Cup. It’s probably the tie they would have wanted least. They are not a big enough name to draw the masses that watched Shelbourne play Deportivo in 2004, but they are probably too much for Pats to beat and get through to the group stages. Sligo, Bray and Shamrock Rovers have had a quiet season on the pitch and for Shamrock Rovers a quiet season is as welcome as the move to Tallaght in the next few months. The move will be a huge boost for the Hoops who will be back in a place they can call home after more than 20 years in exile. The league seems like it is over with not much left to fight for, but there is still three cups to be determined and there should be plenty of excitement there, as the likes of the Wexford Youths Celtic have proven.

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College Tribune | September 16 2008



Dan Hayden

Kitbag Jordan


Sports Expo 2008 Visit the club stands at the Sports Expo in association with Bank of Ireland, which will take place this week from Monday September 15th to Thursday 18th inclusive. Located in Hall B of the Sports Centre, the Sports Expo will open each day from 10a.m. to 5p.m. All 59 clubs will be participating in the event, with club officials on hand to provide information on their activities.

Up for it

Irish record set at Paralympics cycling in Beijing

Steven West casts an eye into his basketball crystal ball and looks ahead for the new UCD-Marian season There is a lot of excitement heading into the 2008/2009 season for UCD Marian. Although the team struggled for much of last year there were encouraging signs at the end of last season that point to better things to come. The team ended last season just one game outside the playoffs after winning six of their last seven games, including an emphatic away win against northern conference champions Killester. A number of changes have been made to this years squad although the core of Irish players remains the same as last year. The main loss amongst the Irish players is UCD graduate Kevin Foley who took a job opportunity in Belfast and is going to play with Northern conference rivals Belfast Star. Foley was the leading Irish rebounder and scorer for the team and will leave a formidable gap in the middle for the team. One person the club are hoping to help fill that gap will be second year medical student Luke McCrone. McCrone has a lot of experience playing college basketball in America with Harvard, he also helped lead the UCD Marian division one team to National Cup success. Returning to this years team is

current third year commerce student Barry Drumm who showed his vast potential last year particularly in the cup match against Tralee on national television. Peter Finn who has just graduated from UCD also returns and is one of the top prospects on this young team after captaining the under 20 team to the national cup final last year. Team captain Niall Meany comes back to lead the charges for a third straight season. His brother Conor who also graduated last year comes back for his third season for the team and is expected to be a big contributor to the team this year. Lastly, veteran Gary Edge return for another season. Edge suffered a tough Achilles injury at Christmas last year that brought his season cruelly to an end. Joining the team this year are two exciting fresher twins Dan and Conor James. The two brothers were Ireland’s leading scorers at the under 18 Europeans in Hungary this past summer. Both join the college on scholarship and are expected to be major contributors for both the under 20’s and Superleague teams. Coach Cormac Connor has secured the signing of David Ryan who will return for a second season for the club.

Ryan was the leading scorer and rebounder for the team last season and his return is seen as a major coup by many in the club. Joining Ryan is 6’2 guard Michael Parker. Parker played last season in Germany where he averaged over twenty points and six rebounds a game. Coach Connor is also looking at one or two other Irish players to further strengthen the squad. The team will compete in the Northern Conference against Killester, St. Vincents, UU Elks and Belfast Star. Three of the five teams will reach the playoffs and a playoff spot is certainly within the teams reach this year. The highlight of last year was undoubtedly the cup semi final appearance on national television, this year the team has a home quarter final draw against defending cup champions Killester. The first fixture of the season is a league game away to Tralee on the 4th of October followed by a home game on the 12th to Northern Conference champions Killester. For those looking to join basketball come down to the Sports Expo this week and sign up. There will be organised scrimmages each week as well as a team entered in the freshers and varsity competitions.

Michael Delaney and David Peelo set a new Irish record in the cycling sprint in the Loashan Velodrome at 13th Paralympic Games. David Peelo, the sighted pilot rider, who has been racing competitively since 1984, is a member of staff in UCD Registry. The parallel cyclists are due to compete in several more cycling events over the course of the remaining days of the 2008 Paralympics in Beijing. Olympic style games for athletes with a disability, the Paralympics were first held in Rome in 1960. By 2004, when the games were held in Athens, the number of participants had increased from 400 athletes from 23 countries to 3,808 athletes from 136 countries. More than 4,000 athletes from 150 nations will compete in the 13th Paralympics in Beijing. The Paralympics concentrate on the athletic achievements of the participants rather than their disability. According to the parallel cyclists, any or all of their success is due in no small part to their strong working and training relationship - Michael Delaney who has peripheral vision rather than straight, and David Peelo who is the sighted member of the cycling duo. “A sighted pilot rider needs to be a good match for the other person,

with similar technique. Both members of the team have to be comfortable pedalling at syncronised speeds and be capable of communicating effectively with each other,” says Peelo. “The team flew out to Beijing for training two weeks before the start of the Games to see how we would fare with the conditions over there.” And having just set a new Irish record, it would appear that the cycling duo have settled in just fine.

UCD players represent Ireland lacrosse Ireland’s women finished 4th among the 10 teams at the 2008 European Lacrosse Championships, and the men finished 6th out of 18 teams. Winning Division B with a 4 - 0 record, the women played Scotland, third in Division A, for third place in the tournament, but lost, 15-8. Completing Division A with a 4 - 1 record, the men lost two second round games by a total of three goals before losing to Finland, 9-8, for 5th place in the tournament. UCD women’s captain, Nicola Mulrooney, along with UCD players, Pamela Smithwick and Anna Kinsella, were on the successful women’s team. Pamela led the UCD players scoring several goals, including a hat-trick against Finland. Nicola and Anna were great around the field having many turnovers and groundballs around the field. Seven UCD men travelled to Finland on the team. Midfielders, Paddy O’Leary, John O’Connor and Zak Jordan and defensemen, Dara McCreary and Conor ‘Flopsy’ Walsh, all played a huge part on the men’s team. Recent UCD graduate, Peter Tully, and UCD lecturer, Michael Kennedy, were also on the team. UCD coach, Christian Arnold, was also involved as he was assistant coach for the men’s team. After coming 2nd in their first round group which included a great 10-4 win over Wales, the men lost heart-breaking playoffs to the Netherlands 11-10 and Germany 10-8. In the 5th place playoff, Ireland’s men trailed the host’s Finland 6-3 at halftime, but closed the lead to one goal before time ran out in the second half. A great experience was had by all with both teams improving their European rankings, and the championships were a huge stepping stone towards the Women’s World Cup 2009 in Prague, Czech Republic and the Men’s World Championships 2010 in Manchester, England.


Brian Mullins The shape of the next Dublin boss? Page 25

Tony Ward: We talk to an Irish rugby and broadcasting legend Page 24

Issue 1 | Volume 22 | 16th September 2008

UCD Skip by ‘Stones

■ Eoghan Brophy Ample evidence of the capability of UCD’s young team was displayed in a pleasing fashion in their third game so far this season. After the game, UCD Director of Rugby, John McClean, was positively beaming. “An exciting game. The score flattered us. We didn’t deserve to win by 17 points. We came back well to win it. We were 10 points down half way through the second half and came back to win by 17. We scored a couple of good tries to win it. We’ll be happy enough with the result. There’s things we can improve on performance wise but it’s early days yet.” He wasn’t far wrong. Just after half time, the outlook was very grey indeed for a UCD side who were trailing by ten points away from home. College opened brightly, with winger Vasily Artemiev breaking

Greystones UCD

24 41

straight from the off and his combination with Brian Cawley nearly saw UCD gain a strong foothold in the game. However, a knock-on gave the home side relief and a chance to clear their lines. However, UCD’s intent was clear. The first score of the game came from the boot of UCD outside centre, Niall Kearns who was awarded a penalty just inside the ten metre line, he promptly slotted it away, giving Students a 0-3 advantage. Opening the scoring seemed to dispell the visitor’s nerves, as moments later UCD crashed over to score the first try of the game in spectacular style. UCD won a tidy

line out and put the ball through a number of phases through the hands of their backs. The move was a display of patience by the Belfield lads; their effort was eventually awarded in the shape of Ireland under-20 international Ben Barclay charging over to extend UCD’s lead by a further five points. The conversion, however, was unsuccessful. UCD had a dream start in the game, but around the twenty minute mark the backlash began. A quick Greystones penalty followed by a converted try from Greystones saw the home-side edge narrowly in front. However, what would ultimately win the game for UCD reared its head at this stage. Constant Greystone infringements offered an innumerable amount of penalties awarded to College and with so many shots on goal it is nearly impossible for a team to lose. Soon after Greystones got their first try, UCD hit back with

a nicely converted penalty. The first half was certainly the tighter of the two with very little being given up by either side. Another successful penalty from Kearns saw college 10-14 up at the break. It was ‘Stones who started quicker in the second half, breaching the UCD line within the first five minutes. This period truly was ‘Stones’ purple patch as from here they stretched their lead to ten points ahead of the visitors. The following ten minutes saw Greystones apply huge pressure on the UCD defence who at were left scrambling at times, to stem the tide. As it so often happens Greystones lost their head and the game began to open up. Kearns slotted away a few soft penalties and UCD were back in the game. Following Kearns’ penalties UCD finally broke over the try line in the shape of Artemiev evading two tackles and running a try in from his own ten metre line, with the

conversion was merely a formality from Kearns. UCD now led for the first time since the first half. In the dying moment UCD managed to score two tries with one credited to Artemiev again. The other, to Kearns who skipped over the line securing UCD’s bonus point and put the game beyond any doubt. After the game Artemiev was noticeably tired having track backed to make a last minute tackle to prevent a certain try. “It was a tough match, start of the season, only our 3rd match. We struggled a bit organisation wise. We took our chances in the second part of the second half. We still get tired, still not very match fit. It is hard at the start of the season. We picked up on our errors at the start of the second half. We Tightened up our defence and thought we finished it out well.” College must now turn their sight to the league and see if they can better last season’s mid table finish.