The Masterplan is being used to distract us from what the college can do within the year

from Travisty #107 - Valentine's Special

Book reviews for selfish, exiled royal family members— Spare

Misha risks assassination with this landmark harangue

The Masterplan: nothing embodies “eh we’ll do it later” quite like this fine piece of forward planning. Unfortunately, by forward, they mean two generations down the line; and just like the optimistic student drawing up a timetable, I doubt they will even be able to stick to that.

Now I must give credit where it is due; the college does at least consider that humanity has a future. Well aware that there will at least be 5 Mathmos here ad infinitum; and just as Ozymandias sinks into the sand, the college will need some updating and upkeep. Perhaps some of the ideas aren’t too outlandish, a New-Old Fields, doing something with the Brewhouse and so on. Sadly, lights for the avenue will probably have to wait until the 2546 Masterplan; it’s just a bit too radical of a move (even though Great Court had lamps in the 19th Century).

The issues begin once you realise: a) their track record of completing these large projects. b) many of the problems they want to address could be solved in a year or two.

What problems do we face? A lack of designated study spaces! Just poke your head inside the library on a Sunday and you’ll see sardines in a tin, all working on Wi-Fi that’s slower than telegram. It’s gotten so bad that people are working in the bar during karaoke: those poor lost souls! “Well just work in your room!” Sadly, most of us have the attention span of a goldfish; and, with minds such as these, working in one’s own room invites hour-long Wikipedia dives or a nine-day descent to Tartarus on any social media that is designed to occupy our two remaining brain cells.

Now if only we had a designated collaborationorientated coffee-brewing study space… it should be at this point anyone Matric. 2020 or prior will start frothing at the mouth. O’ Newton’s Cradle: you were taken from us too soon. We shall mourn your loss like the library of Alexandria. Taking the reopening of the Cradle as an impossibility (without some sort of fellow coup d’état), the college seems to think that waiting 23 years for a brewhouse conversion is an acceptable substitute.

Here’s an idea for you. How about converting a few rooms around the college into study spaces? Using the room in the rafters of Pearce Hostel as a template: a couple of tables put together, a sofa or two and throw in a kettle with some cheap tea/instant coffee (if people want fancier stuff swing by the bar). Allow students to book by an online system so people don’t fight over them. Boom problem solved! Sure, a brewhouse space would be nice, but the problem is now not just in 2046 (nice 3D renders of beautiful study spaces aren’t much consolidation for those of us living in the present).

The New-Old Fields idea is one that, I must concede, does need doing and requires significant planning. But do be warned that the thought of ploughing it down and rebuilding has been considered a “serious proposal” since prior to the millennium. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Newton was testing his theory of gravitation by bicep-curling the very same weights we use today. If they actually do replace the gym, more power to them. In the meanwhile, students should just keep up their bi-weekly tetanus shots.

What is the big picture here? The college seems to be stacking its chips on Cambridge manifesting its destiny westward. And as astute as their observation is, I’m going to say they are too late to catch this wave. Westhub and Cavendish 3.0 are going to be finished in the next year. What can the college realistically do about this? Build Accommodation out there? Give Burrell’s a corner shop? The “Future” of a West Cam is already here (too much humanitarian despair) and we need to accept that we’re a central college that now has to commute.

Let’s be honest; improving Burrell’s won’t achieve much. It’s too far from Central Cam and too far from the West site for trips to not feel like a time investment in either direction. For this reason, it’ll never be mainstream: a no man’s land (albeit a quiet and peaceful one).

So, let’s stop messing about with these dead-end ideas and focus on what is actually a threat to the college.

With the quality of food and study spaces, students are already practically living in the West Hub. If they were open 24 hours, you’d never see a single STEM student again. Food is just as cheap out there without the added kitchen charge, and with the new St. John’s buttery open, Trinity’s Hall is looking thoroughly outdone (not due to a lack of passion from the staff – go to a scholar’s dinner and see what they can do). We don’t just need a food feedback form but a complete overhaul of the system. Take West Hub as a model, because whatever they are doing is causing stampedes at opening time.

In conclusion, no, we do not need some major project that gets delayed and is over budget. Some of the ideas are nice, but if we really want to improve the college we need to start with the small yet impactful changes: Open up rooms as private group-study spaces. Overhaul the methods of the Hall to provide food in line with other serveries.

Improving the reliability of the WiFi.

Remove RAM card requirements from the last air driers.

And so on. We need to make staying in Trinity appealing, that’s worth more than any flashy project delivered in 23 25 30 years.

Dictators build fancy stuff to show off: Democracies (at least functioning ones) build to improve the lives of their inhabitants. So, let’s actually build Trinity’s future.

Puzzles & Games

Haisu

Draw an orthogonal path from S to G, passing through every cell in the grid exactly once. The grid is divided into several rooms. When your path passes over a cell with a number N, it must be the Nth time you have entered the room. Example puzzle to the right.