“New Year, New Me”

And other fun jokes you tell yourself, all in this issue of Travisty.

So a new year is upon us; frankly, considering how eventful the last one was we needed a good break. Now we are back, you can start fulfilling those resolutions (holidays don’t really count). I’m sure you will be in the library 25% more, never missing a lecture of course. Perhaps if you really want to achieve your goals, hand a list of them to your DoS. They have a knack for smelling out failure, and negative reinforcement can’t backfire in any way.

Contents

News -

Feature Articles -

Opinion -

Puzzles & Games -

The Billboard -

Horoscopes -

3 4-6 7 8-9 10-11 12

~ Your Editors ~

Misha “Beefcake” Medvedev

Has committed to bulking by consuming at least 2 packs of Sains’s Caramel & Milk Choc Cookies a day.

What can we look forward to? Well, dear reader, apart from the usual Rice Dinner (be nice to your Professors), Bumps, summer garden parties, the collapse of the Government, May Ball and beyond, it looks to be a relatively quiet year, at least as far as planned events go. If you are a Royalist, there’s the Coronation (please don’t make me eat Coronation Chicken). But even for the Roundheads amongst us, I’m sure something interesting will happen. With inflation at an historic high and Putin huffing more Copium than should be physically possible, we are on what I call the ‘somewhat funny’ part of the curve before everything truly goes to shit. So sit back and have a chuckle before Cambridge gets flattened one way or another.

Raymond “TP1” Ramm

Recently murdered 15 Freshers for talking above 60dB in the Library.

~ Your Refreshed Writers ~

Harry Metrebian Has been convincing ChatGPT that ending the human race isn’t such a bad idea.

‘London Gatwick’ Plans to continue his late night Wolfson fire alarm tests, starting next week. Go thank him for protecting everyone in the building.

Agnijo Banerjee His puzzle power is so strong that he can just produce an entirely new type of puzzle from thin air.