Today's Woman October 2014

OCTOBER 2014

Fighting

Breast Cancer

FEAR

Challenges for you

Share how you conquered #TWFearChallenge

Stop the

WORRY CYCLE! Let go of what holds you back

CONFLICT? IT’S OK! How to not panic in a relationship

oman

TODAY’SW OCTOBER 2014 / CONTENTS

VOL .24/NO. 10

WORRIES FEARS

WHAT I GAINED FROM BREAST CANCER ~ Special Breast Health Supplement

“If you don’t go to the doctor, you’re being selfish.”

WORRY TOO MUCH?

p.27

— Ruth Ward

STOP THE WORRY CYCLE

p.28

WHAT WORKS

OVERCOME YOUR PUBLIC SPEAKING FEARS

Secrets to Stress Relief

p.8

p.30

BE PRESENT IN THE FEAR

TURNING POINT

p.30

Hers was the military

LET GO OF AN OLD LOOK

p.10

p.32

NOT A PHONE-Y FEAR

survival skills ~ p.12

p.32

AN ARTSY BUSINESS

FIGHT CLUTTER

BREAST

p.34

TESTS

RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY

p.36

BEST WAYS TO HANDLE CONFLICT

p.22

p.38

HOT HAPPENINGS

HELP YOUR KIDS BE BRAVE

WHAT TO DO THIS MONTH

P.42

STOP HERE TO EAT! p.44

before she goes p.50

22 Things you need to know about

p.14

p.38

LICKS OF LOVE p.40

SHE KICKS IT! p.46

HALLOWEEN

HAPPENINGS ~ p.48

OCTOBER 2014 / IN OUR ISSUE Volume 24 8 Number 10

FIGHT

THE FEAR

L

etting go of fear is hard. My mother — like most people — has fears and driving a car was at the top of her list. She feared getting into an accident so for several years, she relied on public transportation and occasionally friends whenever she needed to run errands. As a child, I never thought twice about her decision not to drive and didn’t consider it to be an inconvenience to the family, but she did.

At age 40, she got her driver’s license and bought her first car without any hesitation. I knew it was one of the happiest days of her life, because she gained more independence and options that helped her grow. Getting past your fear is about realizing what you will gain when you take the risk and what you could lose when you don’t. If you’re stuck in a perpetual state of fear, read advice from some of our experts (page 27) on igniting your flame of courage.

— Tiffany White

C E L E B R AT I N G 2 2 Y E A R S PUBLISHER Cathy S. Zion publisher@todayspublications.com EDITOR IN CHIEF Anita Oldham editor@todayspublications.com EDITOR Tiffany White tiffany@todayspublications.com CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Lucy M. Pritchett CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Miranda G. Popp miranda@todayspublications.com ASSISTANT EDITOR/DESIGNER Jessica Alyea jessica@todayspublications.com OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR Jillian LeMaster officeadmin@todayspublications.com ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Susan Allen susan@todayspublications.com

ON OUR COVER It’s written all over her face: Kate Bringardner loves helping people find the power in their words and voice to move them past the fear of public speaking. Read more about what she’s doing on page 29.

COVER PHOTO: Melissa Donald MAKEUP AND FACE TYPOGRAPHY: Denise Cardwell, Blades Salon & Spa

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Kaitlyn English kaitlyn@todayspublications.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Teri Hickerson teri@todayspublications.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Suzy Hillebrand suzy@todayspublications.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Joyce Inman joyce@todayspublications.com GRAPHIC DESIGNER April H. Allman april@todayspublications.com

WE ARE ONLINE: TodaysWomanNow.com REPRINTS ARE AVAILABLE! Call (502) 327-8855, ext. 10, or email us at reprints@todayspublications.com with details and specifics.

For advertising information in Today’s Woman, call (502) 327-8855.

Today’s Woman

is published monthly by:

Zion Publications, LLC 9750 Ormsby Station Road, Suite 307, Louisville, KY 40223 Phone: (502) 327-8855 • Fax: (502) 327-8861 todayswomannow.com

Subscriptions are available by sending $18 to the above address for 12 monthly issues.

GRAPHIC DESIGNER Kathy Bolger kathyb@todayspublications.com PHOTOGRAPHER/FOOD WRITER Melissa Donald melissa@todayspublications.com MEDIA ASSOCIATE Alissa Hicks alissa@todayspublications.com CIRCULATION MANAGER W. Earl Zion

Today’s Woman magazine is published monthly by Zion Publications LLC and distributed free to the people of metropolitan Louisville and Southern Indiana. Circulation 50,000 guaranteed. The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of the publisher. Today’s Woman magazine does not endorse or guarantee any advertiser’s product or service.

Copyright 2014 by Zion Publications LLC with all rights reserved. Reproduction or use of editorial or graphic content in any manner is prohibited without permission from Zion Publications LLC.

BBB RATING OF

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TODAY’S WOMAN

Her stress relief method: Bingewatching entire seasons of television shows — Suits, Damages — ironing, and watching episodes of Mad Men.

WHAT WORKS Ora Frankel, M.D., 55

Ora Frankel and Associates psychiatric practice; The Couch, an immediate mental health care office HOMETOWN: Tel Aviv, Israel NEIGHBORHOOD:

Hunting Creek HOUSEHOLD: Husband Howard Lazarus, M.D.; daughters Lauren, 25, and Gillian, 20; son, Jacob, 22.

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Interview by LUCY M. PRITCHETT / Photo by MELISSA DONALD

STRESSED OUT

ON THE HEALTHY SIDE

Just because psychiatrist Ora Frankel spends her days helping others work through problems and anxieties doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a few stress points of her own. Her aging parents live in Florida; her children have headed off for college or taken a job in a city 2,000 miles away; she runs a busy private practice; and in January of this year she opened The Couch, an immediate mental health care center.

When asked what works for her in relieving stress, she says with a laugh, “Well, I can tell you the unhealthy ways. I will eat anything that involves chocolate. My go-to pleasure is a Dairy Queen Mud Pie Blizzard with Oreo cookie pieces and coffee flavoring. And sometimes I fall victim to playing the video game Plants vs. Zombies.”

To combat getting stuck in those — if used temporarily — harmless fixes, Ora strives to keep her lifestyle filled with healthier activities.

“I play a lot of tennis, which helps work out anxiety,” she says. “I do something at least three times a week. I either have a game, a practice, or a lesson. It is a social and physical activity.

“I also draw. I work in colored pencils and create realistic portraits, usually of my children. I have been doing that the past three or four years.

And I sometimes garden, do needlepoint, and knit.”

Ora has been a member of a book club for more than 10 years and values time spent with her friends, which she says helps her the most — connecting with people she is close to.

TO HER PATIENTS Ora sees many women who are about her age and are at a crossroads in their lives. Their identities have been tied up in their children, but now the nest is empty. Maybe they have had a career, or maybe they have had a hand in helping a husband’s career. They are dealing with menopause, fading looks, and just not feeling their physical or emotional best.

“They are feeling aimless,” Ora says. “They don’t know what to do that makes them feel good...or bad. They might have a lot on their plate, but nothing really that they look forward to.

I tell them I would like for them to have a direction or goal that allows them to dream.”

Ora suggests finding a way to be creative or productive — to find a project that is the client’s own, not someone else’s.

TODAY’S WOMAN

>

TURNING POINT

<

WILL WORK FOR OTHERS

By LUCY M. PRITCHETT Photo by MELISSA DONALD

AMBER PRIDDY, 25 • Certified military social worker • Case manager for Volunteers of America • Veteran Services Social worker in the compensated work therapy program at Robley Rex VA Medical Center in Louisville Hometown: Tampa, Florida Household: Dustin Baker and English bulldog, Jasmine Neighborhood: Pleasure Ridge Park

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Sometimes a desire to help others can become the turning point in a young woman’s life. For Amber Priddy, it was her desire to become a social worker and help children who were in need that led her to enlisting in the United States Army. She knew she would need a college degree if she was going to be of service to vulnerable children, and the military was a way to accomplish that.

“I lived with a cousin here in Louisville while I was in high school,” Amber says. “She had served in the military and suggested it would be an opportunity for me to get the education I knew I needed.”

After enlisting, Amber was assigned to be a mental health specialist and received her training at Fort Sam Houston. She was stationed at Fort Hood in Texas and worked with soldiers who were suffering from trauma and those getting ready to deploy or returning from Iraq and Afghanistan.

By the time she completed her military service, Amber had earned her bachelor’s in social work from the University of Southern Florida and a master’s in social work from the Kent School of Social Work at the University of Louisville.

“With the Volunteers of America, I work to find a home for veterans who don’t have one,” she says. “Perhaps they are living with a relative or a friend or in a shelter or on the street. Many of them are struggling with substance abuse. As a case manager, I also provide training to our clients in the areas of financial literacy, housing issues, employment skills, and basic life skills. At the VA Hospital, I help find transitional work for veterans with severe mental illness.

“I worry that I am not going to be successful or have a positive effect on society and the veteran population. I am dedicated to helping them, so I go to work every day and think of the veterans I have helped and seen become successful. Their gratitude and successes help relieve me of those anxieties.”

TODAY’S WOMAN

Pamela’s tips for working artists:

Survival Skills

By MARIE BRADBY Illustration by MOLLIE BAUMANN

1. Follow your passion.

I was dyeing Easter eggs at age 4. Twenty-eight years later, that passion has transformed into a successful art business and an international brand.

2.

Surround yourself with a supportive network of fellow artists and entrepreneurs. Ask for advice, brainstorm, and hold each other accountable.

3. Invest in good

photographs of your artwork. Bad photos, not the product, can lead to rejection.

. Rejection happens, 4

whether you are applying for a gallery exhibit or an art show. Don’t let it get you down.

Learn from it, tweak what needs tweaking, and apply again.

Pamela Mattei Artist

5. Don’t stop learning.

An Artsy Business “B

eing an artist isn’t just about making art,” says fiber artist Pamela Mattei, owner of DyeSigns by Pamela, which specializes in hand-dyed silk scarves. “It’s also about running your own business.

“You have to do all the functions that a big company would do, from setting goals, priorities, and a strategic plan to product and professional development, production of artwork, sales and customer service, keeping up with your finances and accounting, doing PR and marketing, immersing yourself in social media to build your following and your brand, and not going insane while trying to juggle it all.”

Pamela, 32, has been interested in art since she was a girl. As a high school sophomore, she shadowed well-known artist Penny Sisto and decided she wanted to be a fiber artist. She followed that up with a degree from Xavier University in art, focusing on fiber art and a minor in business, and she immediately opened her business in 2004 upon graduation. Her work is in more than 150 galleries in 35 states and Canada.

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“It can be stressful,” says Pamela, who keeps a running to-do list. “I produce each scarf myself. Each is one-of-a-kind because the dyes blend in different ways. I will have a marathon dyeing session. I might dye 100 or so scarves over a day and then the next day rinse them all. The following day, I will do all my ironing. Typically I’m producing over 1,000 a year.”

Pamela diversified the locations where her merchandise is sold so that she has yearround income. “I am busy in Louisville around Derby because people are thinking spring,” she says. “I have accounts where summer is their busy traffic because of tourists, or winter is their busy time because they have people with second homes coming into their communities.”

To build a national reputation, Pamela had her work juried by the Kentucky Arts Council Kentucky Crafted Program.

“Kentucky is blessed with a strong program that promotes, supports, and helps develop Kentucky-based artists,” she says.

I’ve become obsessed with CreativeLive.com, a fabulous resource for artists and entrepreneurs.

6. Take two invoice copies

when making deliveries to art galleries. One is for them, and the other is for them to sign and for you to keep as proof of what you delivered. If you are owed money and the gallery owner says you didn’t deliver it, you’ll have proof otherwise.

7. Create a marketing

calendar (or two). I have one for my gallery buyers and one for retail customers and fans.

I have a year’s worth of my main themes planned out with the key marketing message I want to convey each month.

8. Regularly freshen up

your collection. Gallery buyers are often looking for something new. Every spring and fall, I offer a new collection featuring the Pantone Fashion Forecast Colors.

TODAY’S WOMAN

22THINGS Why 22? Because we are 22 years old!

Happenings, news, celebrations, and tidbits that caught Today’s Woman’s eye this month.

By ANITA OLDHAM

“

one

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

”

–Nishan Panwar

2

Four Places We Visited Photos by Melissa Donald Written by Alissa Hicks (pictured)

3. Higher Waistlines

We stopped in at Modern Elegance to check out the fall trends. “We have tons of boots and booties coming in!” says owner Hayley Koetter.

“We’ve also got a lot of plaid coming in, which we are super excited about this year. As far as denim goes, we’re getting some higher waistlines, which people seem to really love.”

This emerald-toned chiffon plaid blouse I’m wearing pairs perfectly with a pair of ankle booties and denim. Modern Elegance is one of our favorite spots for a casual, laid-back fall look.

4. Leather is still in

According to Circe store manager Beth Blasi, “We’re getting a lot of fun jackets and sweaters for fall. Leather is still very in and a lot of black and white with pops of color. We have a lot of good booties still for this year as well.” We’re loving this peacock blue jacket by Rachel Zoe. Circe is trendy and modern with a touch of classic.

5. Luxury

We also browsed through Blink Boutique to see what was trending. “For fall, definitely the luxurious leathers and furs,” says store manager Jillian Clark. This small and charming boutique has what you need to rock the leather and fur trends this fall. We love this plaid and fur combo we spotted!

6. Beautiful Coats

A Mama’s Love

The Louisville Zoo is celebrating the birth of a male pygmy hippo. The baby hippo was born to Hope and Maji, the Zoo’s adult hippo pair.

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OCTOBER OCTOBER 2014 2014

For a more upscale look this fall, we found that Merci is the place to go. We’re loving this classic ivory, Audrey Hepburn-inspired coat and trendy leather jacket! “We also have beautiful sweaters trimmed with fur that are just breathtaking coming in,” says sales associate Shorty Martin, whose sister Connie is the owner of Merci. “For autumn, [we’re seeing] a lot of cashmere and leather, beautiful coats, and shoes such as loafers and booties.”

TODAY’S WOMAN

todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

2014

OCTOBER

15

22 THINGS

Head to the park for some free jazz

7

8

What is missing?

Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy author Emily Bazelon will speak at Kentucky Country Day School.

Oct. 15 @ 7pm

“For many, it is so difficult to identify what is missing,” says Ora Frankel, M.D. “But, each woman has to look inside herself and recognize what opportunities she can take advantage of, whether that be her career, her garden, her travel dreams, or her charitable cause. She needs to discover her own sources of satisfaction.”

Read Dr. Ora’s story on page 10.

8.

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ten

Big Rock Jazz and Blues Fest is October 5, 2pm7pm at the Big Rock, Cherokee Park, 745 Cochran Hill Rd.

9

Do you have a great holiday recipe?

Enter our contest! We are looking for Holiday Bites — appetizers, side dishes, desserts, and healthful recipes. Enter at TodaysWomanNow.com.

Tip: Molds are prevalent all year long. Get rid of those lingering, decomposing leaves that can hold molds and other fall allergies.

Sneezing?

Our health writer Torie Temple talked to a local doctor about fighting the allergies this fall.

11. The Next Queen The Kentucky Derby Festival’s royal court application deadline is October 10. Available at kdf.org.

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OCTOBER 2014

Allergies worse in the fall?

According to Dr. Doug Tzanetos of Kentuckiana Allergy, ragweed could be the culprit for fall allergies. Though these allergies peak in September and October, they can last through November.

“A lot of people take their allergy medicine every day and prescription nasal sprays when

allergies flare, but you can actually do the opposite,” Dr. Tzanetos says.

“Allergy medications can work quickly when you are symptomatic, but prescription nasal sprays should be taken whether or not you are symptomatic. Using a prescription nasal spray every day could be the next best thing to allergy shots.”

TODAY’S WOMAN

todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

2014

OCTOBER

17

22 THINGS A friend, Sandra Leeks, and I did it last year along with another dragon boat teammate.

They are no longer with us. They lost the fight, along with a few others. I want to keep the tradition of going to the Pink Shoot for them and to remind myself that life must go on. They would want us to keep fighting for a cure any way we can.

Breast cancer is a very lonely disease without other survivors’ support. My main mission is to make sure no one goes through it alone, including myself.

13-19

We had our second annual Pink Woman Breast Cancer Survivor photo shoot for this issue’s special section.

– SHERYL STORRIE We asked some of the brave women I believe it is important for women who currently have breast why they came cancer to see survivors. The realization that “I can survive” was to the shoot. made very clear to me when I was diagnosed, and this was made possible by being around other women who are survivors. I think the photo is a perfect representation of this — and hopefully can provide an important message to your readers… which is that they can survive breast cancer!

– JEANINE TRIPLETT

I am coming to this shoot to encourage and let women know that a diagnosis is not the end. There are great treatments that give us hope for a full recovery. I came today to let them know that they will not always look sick and bald. I had no hair for 10 months. And you do bounce back with time. Eight years out, I am still going strong and plan on doing so for a very long time!

I think this is a good thing to be doing for all of us, showing that we have spirit and determination.

– DONNA LEE WADE

My pink sisters are the world to me!

I am coming to celebrate being a survivor and to spread awareness. I have learned a breast cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence.

– MARY KABERLE It is important to me to show other women and men that there is life after breast cancer. We are all living proof of that. I teach science, and I want folks to see how far science has come in the last 25 to 30 years with cancer treatment. When I was diagnosed the second time five years ago, I was determined that I was going to prove that the C word doesn’t equate to death.

– JAMIE BEACH

20 YOUR LIFE

MAKEOVER

You need dedication and perseverance to succeed at our Makeover Your Life Challenge. Three people will be chosen to receive food and training from a personalized trainer for three months. At the end of the challenge, these winners will be given a hair and makeup makeover as well as possible life coaching.

To enter this challenge, send us your personal story (less than 250 words), personal weight loss goals, current weight, age, and answer the following questions: • Are you willing to attend physical training at a gym at least 4 times a week — and how will you fit this into your current schedule? How much time are you able to give per day?

• Are you willing to give up soda and certain foods for the three months that you will be in this program?

Are you willing to eat the food that we provide even if it is not something you are used to eating?

Send your entry to contest@todayspublications.com with the subject line “Makeover My Life” by Oct. 20.

– PAT FULLEN

I am coming to this shoot because I am a thriver! I survived cancer, and I’m not going to let it dictate my life. I’m also coming because of my fellow pink sisters. I know what it takes to beat cancer, and it’s a hard road with lots of bumps and bruises. Mostly I hope that I can help inspire a sister or brother to push past the fear and thrive.

– CINDY WOHL

2014 participant Betsy Wells before and after

Fight Breast Cancer Walk in one or both of the largest local fundraisers to fight breast cancer.

21

Susan G. Komen Louisville Race for the Cure 2014

• October 11, Louisville Slugger Field Take a scenic 5K course down River Road, and the survivor celebration includes the cafe and Parade of Pink to kick it off. komenlouisville.org

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Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 2014

• October 26, Waterfront Park The American Cancer Society’s noncompetitive 5K walk. Registration starts at 10am for both the 1pm walk and Humana’s 11:15am attempt to break the Guinness World Record for world’s largest human awareness ribbon. makingstrideswalk.org/louisville

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2014

TODAY’S WOMAN

todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

2014

OCTOBER

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Professional Connections

CALENDAR

Networking and careerbuilding opportunities for women around town

Athena’s Sister Every 2nd & 4th Mon. • 6-8pm 1741 Frankfort Avenue Marlene Aldrich Perry 502.322.4135 Marlene.Aldrich@Phoenix.edu BPW- Business and Professional Women- New Albany Every 3rd Mon. • 5:30pm Contact for info & reservation.

Tuckers, 2441 State St. Nadine Wilkinson 502.523.1698 BPW- Business & Professional Women- River City Every 2nd Wed. • Noon Lunch and Program noon-1pm The Bristol-Downtown 614 West Main Street 502.499.4420, bpwrc.org bpwreserve@gmail.com CBPW - Christian Business & Professional Women Every Second Thurs. (Odd months only) • Noon Hurstbourne Country Club 9000 Hurstbourne Club Lane Sharilyn Unthank 502.417.5481 cbpweast@gmail.com Distinctive Women, Entrepreneurial Women Making a Difference Every 1st Mon • 6:30-8pm Email for meeting location Deleskia Butler 502.509.5521 distinctivewomen2013@gmail.com EWI - Executive Women International- Kentuckiana Every 3rd Tues. • 5:30pm Contact for information & reservation Dotty Wettig dw1122@att.com The Heart Link Network Every 1st Wed. • 6:30pm Inverness at Hurstbourne Condos 1200 Club House Drive Barbara Madore 502.377.8625 40222.theheartlinknetwork.com IAAP - International Association of Administrative ProfessionalsLouisville Every 2nd Thurs. • 6pm Location Varies – See website for details. iaap-louisville.org

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League of Women Voters Every 3rd Mon. • 6pm Lang House, 115 S. Ewing Ave. Pat Murrell 502.895.5218 info@lwvlouisville.org OCTOBER

2014

presented by

Legal Secretaries of Louisville Every 3rd Tues. • 11:30am Bristol Bar & Grille 614 West Main Street Elizabeth Harbolt 502.568.5446 elizabeth.harbolt@skofirm.com legalseclou-ky.org MLWPC - Metropolitan Louisville Women’s Political Caucus Every 4th Mon. • 5:30pm Olmsted Bistro at Masonic Homes 3701 Frankfort Avenue Sherry Conner 502.776.2051 mayorconner@insightbb.com National Association for Professional Women Every 3rd Thurs. • 6:30-7:30pm Heyburn Building 332 W. Broadway, Suite 801-M Hazel Parrish, Chapter President 502.417.2566, hazelp17@gmail.com Call to reserve for security.

NAWBO - National Association of Women Business Owners Every 3rd Tues. info@nawbolouisville.org nawbolouisville.org National Association of Women in Construction Every 2nd Mon. • 5:30pm Call for meeting location Patty Stewart 812.288.4208 #121 National Association of Women MBAs - Louisville Chapter Every 3rd Wed. • 6pm Location varies-Details on website mbawomen.org/chapter/ louisville-kentucky NEW - Network of Entrepreneurial Women Every 2nd Wed. • 6-8pm Location varies. See nentw.com for details.

Network Now Every 2nd Fri. • 11:30am Hurstbourne Country Club 9000 Hurstbourne Club Lane Lee Ann Lyle 502.836.1422 lee@lalcomputers.com Southern Indiana Women’s Networking Group Every 3rd Wed. • 11:30am Holiday Inn-Lakeview 505 Marriott Drive, Clarksville info@soindwng.org Top Ladies of Distinction Inc. Every 2nd Fri. • 6:30pm Hotel Louisville, 120 W. Broadway, Suite 930 Mamie L Maxwell 502.767.4180 ms.maxwell@twc.com

WIN - Women in Networking Every 2nd Wed. • 11:15am Oxmoor Country Club 9000 Limehouse Lane Laura Ridge 502.491.7877 lridge@oxmoorcountryclub.com WIN - Women in Networking II Every 3rd Wed. • 11:30am Holiday Inn Louisville East 1325 Hurstbourne Pkwy Kim Fusting 502.267.7066 kimins@bellsouth.net gowin2.com WIN- Women in Networking III Every 2nd Tues. • 11:30am Hurstbourne Country Club 9000 Hurstbourne Club Lane Mary Elliott 502.931.2906 win3louisville.com WIN- Women in Networking IV Every 3rd Tues. • 11:30am Big Springs Country Club 5901 Dutchman’s Lane Meg Blackwell 502.641.9589 megblackwell@btsales.net WIN - Women in Networking V Every 2nd Thurs. • 11:30am Buca di Beppo 2051 S. Hurstbourne Parkway Lee Ann Lyle 502.836.1422 info@win5networking.com win5networking.com WOAMTEC - Women On A Mission To Earn Commission Every 2nd & 4th Wed. • 11:30am The Village Anchor 11507 Park Road Charlene Burke 812.951.3177 woamtec.com Women’s Business Center of KY funded in part by a cooperative agreement with the SBA

Every 1st Fri. Roundtable • 8:30am Location – TBA Sharron Johnson, 502.566.6076#104 sjohnson@cvcky.org cvcky.org/womensbusiness center.html Women’s Council of Realtors Every 3rd Thurs. • 11:30am Big Spring Country Club 5901 Dutchmans lane Elizabeth Monarch 502.551.1286 Elizabeth@elizabethmonarchgroup.com

ZONTA- Advancing The Status of Women Every 1st Thurs. • 6pm Logan’s Steakhouse 5005 Shelbyville Road Joyce Seymour 502.553.9241 jespud@bellsouth.net Listings are on per month basis. To list your meeting for free, email your meeting date, time, location, contact info and website to advertising@todayspublications.com or call 502.327.8855 ext. 14. Deadline for inclusion in next issue is 10/8.

TODAY’S WOMAN

BREAST TESTS that could save your life

A

By SANDRA GORDON

Do You Have Dense Breasts?

yearly mammogram is the gold standard for breast cancer screening and detection. The National Cancer Breast density depends Institute and the American Cancer Society recommend a in part on hormonal status, which is why mammogram yearly for all women age 40 and older. If you have premenopausal women a family history of breast cancer, your doctor may advise starting are more likely to have mammography before age 40. The United States Preventive dense breasts. Genetics Services Task Force advises that women over age 50 get a also play a part. If your mammogram every two years. Mammography is the only test mom had dense breasts, that has been scientifically proven to save lives. you’re more likely to Still, it’s not infallible. “In women with very dense breasts, have them. But only a mammography will miss cancer 58 percent of the time,” says mammogram can make Thomas Kolb, M.D., a breast cancer radiologist and leading that determination. ultrasound researcher in New York City. Dense breasts contain In some states, more glands, ducts, and connective tissue than fat. Breasts tend radiologists are required to be denser during a woman’s reproductive years; density makes by law to tell you it harder to detect suspicious lumps on a mammogram. That’s whether you have dense because glandular tissue appears white on a mammogram, just breasts, in the letter like a mass can. you receive about your Mammography also tends to miss lobular carcinoma in situ mammogram results.

(LCIS), possible tumor precursors that mark women as high risk If your state doesn’t for breast cancer and lack the calcifications (calcium deposits require that information, that may indicate cancer), mass or density that would show up simply ask your doctor on a breast X-ray. if your mammogram results indicate that you Fortunately, there are new tools that can give a more precise have dense breasts. diagnosis, especially if you have dense breasts or you’re at higher risk for breast cancer because of your personal or family health history. Here are four that may give you a clearer picture of your breast health—and could possibly save your life. continued to page 24

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TODAY’S WOMAN

TEST TYPE 1.

Ask for screening tomosynthesis if you have dense breasts but no symptoms. It takes a global 3D picture of each breast. If you have a complaint or something is found during a screening mammogram, you’ll go to the diagnostic level, which is a mammogram with tomosynthesis that magnifies and focuses on one particular area of the breast. Because the FDA-approved technology is relatively new, screening tomosynthesis isn’t routinely covered by health insurance. Diagnostic tomosynthesis is typically covered by health insurance with no copay necessary.

Automated breast ultrasound can help detect breast cancer. Breast cancer detection doubled from 23 to 46 in 6,425 actual images the researchers took from 4,419 women in the study using automated breast ultrasound with mammography, resulting in a significant cancer detection improvement. Some insurance providers don’t cover the test yet, so check your policy.

Ask for it in addition to a screening mammogram if you have dense breast tissue.

If you’re at high risk but you don’t have dense breasts, a mammogram should suffice.

Two studies reported that CAD found 20 percent more cancer than mammography alone. But CAD also tends to mark non-cancerous lesions, such as bunched-up tissue, benign lymph nodes, and benign calcifications, so the rate of false positives is high. Less than 1 percent of findings marked by CAD turn out to be cancer. CAD is widely available at mammography centers and university- and hospital-affiliated breast clinics across the country and is generally covered by insurance.

Although CAD isn’t a perfect tool, “it should be the standard of care for every woman who gets a mammogram,” says Stamatia Destounis, M.D., staff radiologist at the Elizabeth Wende Breast Clinic in Rochester, NY. “But there’s definitely a learning curve.” To reduce your risk of unnecessary additional testing, such as a biopsy, find a facility with mammography-certified technologists and trained radiologists who have been using CAD for at least a year.

Computer-Aided Detection (CAD)

With this technique, a computer scans a digital mammogram and flags areas of concern, enabling a radiologist to take another look and decide whether the computer markings warrant further action. “It’s like having an automatic second opinion,” says Mitchell D. Schnall, M.D., Ph.D., professor of radiology at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.

4.

Compared to a digital mammogram, women with dense breasts who undergo tomosynthesis are 40 percent less likely to be called back for additional imaging. Women who undergo tomosynthesis will be exposed to the same amount of radiation as a traditional analog (film) mammogram, which is slightly more than today’s digital mammogram.

The risk of radiation-induced breast cancer is extremely low, affecting only 0.1 percent of women screened. In comparison, the screening test itself can reduce the risk of dying from breast cancer by about 50 percent.

Automated Breast Ultrasound

During this test, an automated ultrasound machine, which uses a computer program, takes ultrasound images of breast tissue. The images are recorded and given to a radiologist who can interpret them. Doctors currently use handheld ultrasound devices to hunt for breast tumors in some patients. The labor-intensive process can skip some tumors. Automated breast ultrasound eliminates the need for an ultrasound technologist so there’s less risk of missing a lesion.

3.

SHOULD YOU ASK FOR IT?

Tomosynthesis

The latest in breast cancer detection technology, tomosynthesis is done in addition to a digital mammogram. During tomosynthesis, the breast is compressed, though slightly less than with a conventional digital mammogram, and a series of images are obtained from multiple angles.

Tomosynthesis takes an arc of pictures through each breast in 5 millimeter slices, which are then reconstructed into a three-dimensional image.

It allows radiologists to see through the breast tissue. They can more easily distinguish a true mass from overlapping structures, such as ligaments or glandular tissue. Tomosynthesis can be used for screening and diagnostic mammograms.

2.

PROS/CONS

MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging)

This tool employs magnetic and radio waves instead of X-rays to create high-definition crosssectional images of breast tissue. For the test itself, the patient is injected with safe, nonradioactive contrasting salt solution in the arm, then lies facedown on a table with both breasts positioned into cushioned coils that contain signal receivers. The entire bed is then sent through a tube-like magnet. In areas where there might be cancer, the contrasting agent pools and is illuminated on computer-generated images.

MRI has been shown to find 2 to 6 percent more cancers than mammograms and clinical breast exams in high-risk women. MRI can’t detect calcifications — a frequent sign of DCIS (ductal carcinoma in-situ) — which is why it’s used as a complement to mammography, not a replacement. MRI has also a significant risk of false positives. Screening breast MRI costs $1,000 to $2,000, though many insurance carriers now cover it.

“Even if you have as little as a 2 percent risk of breast cancer over the next five years, talk to your doctor about adding MRI,” says Wendie Berg, M.D., Ph.D., a breast imaging consultant in Baltimore.

MRI breast-imaging centers are springing up across the country, but it’s important to seek out a facility that has MRI-guided biopsy capability, so a tissue sample can be retrieved for diagnosis at the time of your scan if a questionable mass is spotted.

Sandra Gordon is an award-winning freelance writer who delivers expert advice and the latest developments in health, nutrition, parenting and consumer issues.

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TODAY’S WOMAN

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TODAY’S WOMAN

STO

AR CY

P

the FE

E CL

I

By JULIE E. RICHARDSON Illustrations: SILVIA CABIB

NOTICE IT FIRST JUST ABOVE MY SHOULDER BLADES: SYMMETRICAL POINTS OF PRESSURE THAT SPREAD WITH PREDICTABLE ACCURACY UP AND ACROSS MY SHOULDERS AND INTO THE BASE OF MY NECK. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until I try to turn my head, and then the quick pain that shoots up my spine tells me, “Jules, you gotta relax.”

Sometimes it’s just that I have a major deadline at work and I’ve been sitting at my desk too long, shoulders hunched and jaw clenched. Sometimes it’s trying to manage a budget-buster (as I call those

unexpected expenses that can wreak havoc on a household spending plan), such as a significant car repair or plumbing catastrophe. Sometimes it’s feeling like I’ve been one step behind all day long and there’s no chance of catching up.

Sometimes it is these relatively simple things. And these everyday sorts of worries are generally handled with a quick run through the park, a Frozen dance party with my daughter, or a FaceTime call to my sweet nephew in Colorado.

Sometimes, though, it’s So. Much. Bigger. continued on pge 28

continued from page 27

Sometimes it’s this paralyzing fear that I cannot let my daughter walk into her school because once she’s in, I have no control over her safety or wellbeing. Sometimes it’s being sure that the breast cancer that visited my mother when she was only 43 years old must surely be in the cards for me, too.

Sometimes it’s wanting desperately for a friend to be cured or for a relationship to be OK or for a glaring mistake to have not been made. Sometimes it’s… fill in the blank, readers. Each one of us could tell a story of something we needed/wanted/felt must happen or not happen if things were ever to be OK again, and so while we waited for it to happen or not happen, we worried. We grew anxious. We tensed tight. We let it consume us.

And to what avail? Or, as a friend sometimes says to me, “Jules, does it help you to get all bunged up like that?”

No. It doesn’t.

I’ll tell you what does, though: Writing.

Running. Talking about it. Weeding my flower beds. Cleaning out a closet or attic space.

Calling my mother. Taking several deep breaths.

Laughing. Smelling the top of my daughter’s head.

Look, y’all, there are demons and realities in this world that are flat-out terrifying.

Bankruptcy. Divorce. School shootings. Terminal disease diagnoses. Car accidents. Natural disasters. War. We cannot escape these things. They are part and parcel of this life that we live. What I’m learning these days is that worrying over them doesn’t get me anywhere good. And worrying over the little stuff in between? That really doesn’t get me anywhere good. In fact, when I’m doing all that worrying, I wind up missing some truly great and life-giving stuff.

There’s no magic bullet. No 1-2-3 answer I can give you to make the worry/anxiety go away. But what I can tell you is that it is the big picture, the long view, the fullness of time, that matters most. It is a big, big world we live in. And sometimes it is a horrifying and scary one.

But it’s also beautiful. And full of more goodness than we often let ourselves experience.

I’m trying, lately, to trust this goodness. To trust the big picture. I can’t trust and worry both. So I choose (on my good days anyway) to trust.

My shoulders and neck don’t get nearly so tight that way.

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THE WORRY CYCLE

By CARRIE VITTITOE

I doubt anyone would feel pleased to be compared to a cow, but ruminating over the unknowns and the scary possibilities in life is not too much different than a bovine chewing its cud. The cow is at least doing something beneficial for itself, which is not the case with humans getting stuck on the loop of worry.

A trigger that always launches me into a cycle of worry is health-related issues.

Recently my 4-year-old had a nasty ear infection that wouldn’t go away despite multiple medications.

As is usually the way, none of the worst-case scenarios I envisioned actually happened, but my tank of emotional energy was depleted by all the unnecessary worry.

Laura Wagner, LMFT and certified life coach, says, “Most people try to resist worry. They react to it by yelling or try to avoid it by overeating or overspending, but I suggest they practice active acceptance.” She tells clients to really notice what is happening in their bodies when they feel they are on a worry loop and take a series of deep breaths. Taking a walk can help, at least initially, to minimize the feelings of anxiety. Rather than verbally talking about the worry, Wagner suggests putting a “thought download” on paper. This physical act of writing allows a person to have a moment of objectiveness and begin gaining some authority over what she or he is thinking.

Wagner says, “Anxiety over time feeds into depression, so it is really important to develop some steps for managing it.”

My cycle of worry looked something like this:

EAR INFECTION The infection is never going away. We will exhaust every medication on the market trying to find the right one.

While waiting for the right medication, my son will lose his hearing, which will result in hearing aids and other really expensive adaptive devices.

The infection will get so bad that it will infect the bone. He will have to be hospitalized and need intravenous treatments that will bankrupt us.

The bone infection will go to his brain and he will die a slow, painful death, and I will never, ever, recover from grief.

EMOTIONAL ENERGY TODAY’S WOMAN

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Overcome Fear of…

Public Speaking

By TIFFANY WHITE

I CAN’T REMEMBER A TIME I WASN’T AFRAID TO SPEAK IN FRONT OF A CROWD OF PEOPLE, DESPITE BEING IN A COMMUNICATIONS JOB. Some of my public speaking experiences have been good, while others made me wish I could disappear in a cloud of smoke. Public speaking coach Kate Bringardner offered me a few pointers on calming my nerves and managing my inner turmoil before the next big speech.

Kate owns The Speaker’s Studio in Butchertown, where she gives people a newfound confidence in their public speaking skills. “They come to me with the what and the why, and I give them the how,” she says.

She started our session by asking me a series of questions about my feelings and experiences concerning public speaking. I answered such questions as “What was your best and worst public speaking experience?” and “On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate your emotions when you know you’ll be speaking at an event?”

After the evaluation, she asked me to change into Tiffany White and Kate Bringardner after their some comfortable clothes and take off my shoes. We session. moved our session into a small room where there were two whiteboards. On one of them, she wrote down the areas of public speaking I wanted to improve. Then she asked me to think about all the negative thoughts I have right after I’ve agreed to speak at an event. She wrote these thoughts on the left side of the other whiteboard.

Next, she asked me to tell her what my close friends and family would say to alleviate my fears. I told her they would say, “You’ll do well,” or “Don’t worry about it... everything will be fine.” She wrote these comments on the right side of the whiteboard.

This was a comforting exercise for me because Kate showed me that much of my anxiety about public speaking was in my mind.

She also showed me how one of the best ways I could release the tension was through breathing. “You can’t have a strong voice without a strong breath,” Kate says.

“Breathing is a very personal thing because it is your spirit. In essence, it is you coming alive.” I didn’t realize something as simple as breathing could be the gatekeeper between my words and me until I tried a couple of her breathing exercises.

For the first exercise, Kate had me lie down on an area rug and place one hand on my chest and the other hand right below my belly button near my diaphragm. While breathing in and out through my mouth, I was asked to focus on making only the upper portion of my body move. Then, I would redirect my breathing and movement to the lower part of my body. The goal, Kate says, was for me to become aware of my breathing and understand how my body reacts. “It’s about bringing awareness to the fact that we have different breaths and recognizing where they live,” she says.

In the second exercise, I directed my breathing onto objects in the room.

I would look at different items and imagine seeing my breath moving around them. You can do this exercise anytime and anywhere. Do it in your office, the bathroom, or right before you approach the podium to speak.

Although this was an abbreviated session, I felt like Kate gave me some useful tools for enhancing my public speaking skills and reducing the stress. Right before we parted, she told me, “You’ve got this,” and I thought to myself, “I do.”

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BE PRESENT

IN THE FEAR

P

erhaps you are going through an experience like this — an injury, illness, grief, divorce, unemployment, death, or a new venture with an unknown future. In these more distressing experiences, we feel a great pressure to be done with it.

We desperately want to know how it turns out. We want to get it over with; we want to be rid of the anxiety and pain.

We want to get to the other side as quickly as possible.

It takes strength to face life as it comes, step by step just as it takes patience to accept that some things in life cannot be hurried along. It takes courage to be

emotionally present to our experiences so that they can touch us, shape us, and enrich us. If we can, then we not only get through our experiences, but we get something meaningful from them.

I will always treasure the memory of one of my dearest friends who courageously faced an extended and ultimately terminal illness. She taped a note to her computer and looked at it every day, week after week, month after month, as she faced the rollercoaster ride of battling cancer. With a nod to psychologist Ram Dass, the note said, “Be here now.”

We can try to get around life. We can try to take a shortcut around the pain. We can try to circumvent the difficulties. But

we can’t actually avoid the journey. If we try to do so, then the shortcutting itself becomes the journey. And that is what we will most regret.

Through our days — and at the end of our days — we do well to be guided by my friend’s motto. Be here now.

Dr. Jennifer Kunst is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified psychoanalyst in private practice in Pasadena, Calif. She recently wrote Wisdom from the Couch: Knowing and Growing Yourself from the Inside Out.

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Let Go

Of An Old Look

FEARFUL

BEFORE

Teaching people about gardening and landscaping is easy for Mindy McIntosh-Shetter, but letting go of her long hair is a different story. “I don’t feel complete if I don’t have something I can put up in a ponytail or braid,” she says. Mindy, who has never had short hair, wanted to upgrade her hairstyle without sacrificing too much length. Jennifer Richardson, owner of 146 Salon & Spa in Crestwood (502.243.8895) was able to put a new spin on Mindy’s style that started with taking off 2 inches of hair and adding layers for movement. Caramel highlights were worked in along with glossing to enhance her hair color. Mindy admits she was extremely nervous about the makeover because she didn’t know what to expect, but she was happy with the final results.

“I am not used to that type of treatment,” she says. It was nice to feel like a girl.”

— Tiffany White Mindy McIntosh-Shetter

AFTER

Phone Calls…

O

ne of my greatest fears is a simple phone call. Since I can remember, the threat of placing a phone call has had the ability to immobilize me.

I reached such a point as a teen where I had to have my much-younger brother call my boyfriend for me because I was so petrified. As I have grown older, it has become necessary for me to face my fears.

As it turns out, it all comes down to baby steps — just tackling a bit more than you think you can bear. That is why there is a Telephone Fear Hierarchy task list by socialsuccess.org. Just tackle one of these at a time until you feel comfortable enough to move on to the next step. My biggest advice is to just jump out and do it. Don’t think too long about it, or you will talk yourself out of tackling your fear.

1. Call a number that you know will have a recorded message. Tollfree numbers are excellent for this, because all you have to do is press buttons and listen. Plus, if you absolutely can’t take it, you can hang up and not fear that you have greatly offended someone.

2. Call someone you know well. This was a hard one for me. I can call immediate family members with no problem, but once I stepped outside of that realm — even to just call Gramma — the fear rose again.

If it helps, write down a script of what to say or rehearse it through with someone.

3. Call a business and ask a straightforward question, such as when they close. I am sure they get tons of calls like this. They do not even ask your name. You just have to state your question, wait for the answer, and then say thanks. It was easier to even pretend to be a haughty business person or a wealthy aristocrat to make the phone call seem even less personal.

4. Call someone you don’t know well with a simple question.

5. Call someone you don’t know well about a complicated issue.

6. Make each of the previous calls in front of one person.

7. Make each of the previous calls in front of a group of people.

Your hierarchy might be different depending on whether you find friends or strangers more difficult to talk to and whether it is more difficult for you to talk on the phone in front of someone else.

— Artwork and story by Kayla Oldham

#TW FEAR CHALLENGE

Take a photo to show us how you have conquered your fear to win our Fear Challenge prize.

(Twitter) @TodaysWomanNow, (Instagram) BeTodaysWomanNow, or email us at contests@todayspublications.com.

Deadline: October 31 32

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TODAY’S WOMAN

CLUTTER FIGHTING THE

By LUCY M. PRITCHETT

F

or some women, it’s a closet full of handbags and shoes. For others, it’s a kitchen cabinet overrun with plastic containers. My clutter downfall, however, is books.

I have vintage books that came from my family home, books that were gifts, books autographed by the author, and books bought on my travels. Oh, yes, I am the woman in the customs line at the airport declaring bookstore finds while those around me are bringing back scarves and tea sets from their overseas trips. I have even planned two vacations around visiting Southern literary sites and used bookstores.

Having to sort through and cull my collection causes me great anxiety. But I also like to have a tidy home, and so I try to keep my books in hand. Here is the BOOK system that I use to keep my volumes from overtaking my life.

Be ruthless.

At least twice a year, I sort through my shelves and piles (I know you have them, too) and I box up those books that I know I won’t read again — or even read for the first time. I have a tendency to replace paperback editions with hardcover editions and yet never seem to be able to let go of the softcover books. I donate the ones I no longer want to Goodwill, the library, or the Locust Grove Used Book Sale.

Organize and clean what is left.

I dust off those book jackets. I swipe those shelves with a clean cloth. I eliminate those little piles of book lint in the bookshelf corners. I sometimes take a minute to gather all the books together by one author or that cover one subject. Perhaps those five books of Mary Oliver’s poetry would be happy perched on a windowsill or my bedside table.

And while I am at it:

Open the computer file that holds

my ‘To Be Read’ list. Are there books that I have now lost interest in reading? Are there titles that have been on my list for a decade? I clean up this cluttered list by eliminating titles that are no longer relevant and only keep those I absolutely want to read.

Keep to my reading schedule.

I have developed the habit of reading for an hour first thing in the morning before the computer and chores and errands start to eat up my time. I also read for 30 minutes or so every evening before bed. After all, there is no point in having books if I don’t make time to read them.

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#TW FEAR CHALLENGE

Show us how you conquered your fear to win this package: MASSAGE ENVY: 1 hour session SPEAKER’S STUDIO: 1 consultation to address public speaking and presence BRECKINRIDGE COUNSELING CENTER:

1-hour therapy session See more information on page 40.

TODAY’S WOMAN

Relationship Anxiety

By TONILYN HORNUNG

IN MY YOUNGER, ACID-WASHED-JEAN-WEARING DAYS, IT WENT SOMETHING LIKE, ”DOES HE LIKE ME? WILL HE CALL? DOES THIS TEEN WOLF T-SHIRT LOOK ALL RIGHT?” Then, as I grew up and started wearing more classy selections such as black pants from The Limited Express and Forenza sweatshirts, it turned into, “Is he the one? Am I enough for him?” And, now that my fashion sense has improved to include mom sweatpants and baseball caps hiding a week’s worth of unwashed hair, I can still hear thoughts of, “Is he happy? Are we happy? Does this Teen Wolf T-shirt look all right?” The relationship anxiety — it never seems to stop, but a lot like my wardrobe over the years, it simply changes.

Thankfully, wondering if my husband likes me enough to call has now become a thing of the past. I am no longer checking my phone to make sure it has a dial tone, then checking my messages in case I missed his call while I was checking my phone to make sure it had a dial tone.

But I remember those days. I remember how that worrying weight felt sitting on my chest. I remember that feeling, because I still sometimes feel it.

I figured once I was safely married, my relationship worries would disappear along with my waistline. But, even after 10 years, that pesky weight in my chest still comes back to visit. I can recognize the feeling immediately because it feels a lot like my recurring nightmare where a legion of Zombie Brad Pitts are chasing me. I know. I’d think any dream that involves Brad Pitt would be a winner, but brain-eating Zombie Brad Pitts are scary. As I’m running from a Legends of the Fall version of Zombie Brad Pitt, I can’t figure out what I need to do. Should I keep running? Should I try to talk to Legends of the Fall Zombie Brad Pitt? Should I ask for an autograph? Will I survive?

And that’s when the anxiety — the fear of the unknown — hits me full force.

The good news is that, unlike running from Zombie Brad Pitts, I have a little more insight into my relationship anxiety. Before the anxiety sets in, sometimes I need to ask my loving husband what he meant by saying, “You look old today,” instead of just assuming he meant he is living with a female version of George Burns. But mostly, I realize that all those questions that haunted me in my youth now can help me understand that my trepidation is more about me and less about what my partner in crime is doing.

The fear-phrase may have changed from “Does he like me?” to “Are we still happy?” but that’s only because what I value most in the relationship has changed and evolved.

All those pesky anxiety-inducing questions are a reflection of me questioning myself.

Instead of wondering if my husband is happy, I need to ask myself the scarier question: “Am I happy?” That’s the one I have control over, and that’s why it’s scarier. That’s the one I can do something about.

Still, though, even now, something small from my husband can spark the nerves in me: A look. A comment. A gesture. And once I’m aboard that anxiety train, it’s a challenge to get it to come to a stop. Because, sure, my loving husband makes a choice that sets off the anxiety — such as talking incessantly about a much younger and thinner Julianne Hough. However, instead of hopping aboard the anxiety train wondering if he still finds me attractive or simply wants me to get a spray tan, I can recognize that same feeling, take a breath, and realize that it’s my reaction that’s causing the grasshoppers in my chest to dance.

That — and that he should probably take down his posters of Julianne Hough.

Tonilyn is the author of How to Raise a Husband: A Bunch of Ways to Have a Happy Healthy Marriage. Tonilyn is a Louisville native who lives in LA with her two smart Border Collies, her one sassy kitty, her one supportive husband, and her one new baby boy, and never enough closet space. tonilynhornung.com

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Relationship Anxiety Tips: STEP 1. Who’s your Julianne Hough: What’s your trigger?

Begin to notice what your relationship anxiety feels like in your body. Does your stomach feel lighter? Do you clench your fists? Do your legs feel weak? When you are able to recognize what anxiety feels like — stop. Even if you are in a heated conversation and need to ask your partner to stop talking, go back and see if you can discover what triggered that feeling.

Was it a certain phrase or tone? Once you know your trigger, its power over you will lessen, and you can decide what step you feel comfortable taking next.

STEP 2. Stop and talk to Zombie Brad Pitt: Talk to your partner When you feel that anxiety build up, know that you can choose to talk about it with your partner. Sometimes simply asking what he/she meant by what they said or did can clear up months of assumed notions. If you don’t feel ready to confront your partner but are ready to confront your inner anxiety, find other ways of understanding what creates it. Journal or talk to a trusted friend. Oftentimes, writing or talking about our fears is enough to begin the letting-go process and give us courage.

STEP 3. Wear your Teen Wolf shirt: Do something that makes you feel good It’s easy to get caught up in the momentum of fear. It can start a whirlwind of swirling thoughts that’s hard to stop. That’s when it’s a good idea to step out of your situation for a time and do something that changes your attention and perspective. Take a walk. Volunteer for the day. Have a picnic. Find things that make a little event in your day and make you feel good. Taking a break from the pattern of anxious thoughts can give you perspective to come back to them with a fresh outlook.

TODAY’S WOMAN

todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

2014

OCTOBER

37

<<

CONFLICT <

< TCILFNOC

LIKE IT OR NOT, CONFLICT AND ADVERSITY ARE AS MUCH A PART OF LIFE AS EATING, DRINKING, AND BREATHING. Conflict and adversity serve important purposes in our lives that are rarely accomplished by any other means.

If you deal with them correctly, they will produce positive outcomes and strengthen your relationships at work and at home. If you don’t handle them correctly, they will produce negative outcomes and harm your potential for happiness and success.

There are five causes of detrimental and destructive conflict. Whenever we consider engaging someone in an argument, we should ask ourselves if any of these causes are the basis of our conflict.

1. Pride — Before you engage in conflict, ask yourself if your primary motive for pursuing an argument or conflict is simply to build your ego or defend it when it’s been attacked. If it is, that’s not a valid reason to start a fight or be drawn into a conflict.

2. Anger — Arguments are often started not because they’re necessary, but because one party is angry. And more times than not, this anger has nothing to do with the argument. If you are the person harboring anger, grapple with the issues that are fueling your anger before it destroys important relationships in your life. If it’s other people who are carrying around unresolved anger, avoid being drawn into conflicts with them, even if it means limiting the amount of time you spend with them.

3. Harsh words — All it takes to start or fuel a conflict is a single harsh statement or a few hurtful words. In most relationships, we know what buttons to push to start a fight. We must take control of our mouths and use kind and gentle words to reduce tension rather than harsh words to stir it up.

4. Impulsive reaction — Most arguments are started impulsively. Few are carefully thought out beforehand. An argument or conflict started on impulse has a much greater likelihood of hurting you in the end rather than helping you.

My prescription? Don’t do it. Stop and think about alternative courses of action.

5. Meddling in other people’s conflicts — It’s only natural to try to help others in their conflicts. But by doing so, you will be the one who gets bitten. Taking one person’s side against another without knowing all the issues is a recipe for disaster. Even when you are asked to intervene in someone else’s conflict, do so only after a great deal of consideration and counsel. Never be afraid to decline and to let the feuding parties know it’s really none of your business. More often than not, this is the right course of action.

Consider these eight insights for winning conflicts and overcoming any adverse situation.

•U nderstand the potential consequences of the conflict.

•T ry to achieve the best possible outcome for all parties involved.

•S eek counsel before engaging in a conflict.

•D o not answer a fool in the manner with which he or she attacks.

• Don’t reveal confidential information.

• Never prolong an argument.

• Give an unexpected gift.

• Be quick to forgive.

There are two benefits we receive from adversity that cannot be acquired through any other means. First, you develop qualities of patience, strength, courage, compassion, kindness, love, humility, and faith. Second, you become infinitely more valuable to others when they experience adversity. The people best equipped to help others through adversity are those who have already gone through it.

Bob Mueller is Senior Director of Mission & Stewardship at Hosparus www.bobmueller.org

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2014

HELP YOUR KIDS BE

By BOB MUELLER

BRAVE

A

n Arizona State University study shows that parents whose children suffer from anxiety often fall into the “protection trap” that may influence their child’s behavior.

“Anxiety in kids is one of the most common disorders in childhood,” says Lindsay Holly, who did the study. “A certain amount of anxiety is normal and necessary to stay safe.

It’s when the problematic levels of anxiety crop up when you can’t go to school or hang out with friends that it becomes a major problem.

“The more a child avoids a situation that may be scary, the scarier it becomes because they don’t have a chance to overcome it. They aren’t given the chance to develop the coping skills or strategies to deal with the situation appropriately.”

Sometimes parents swoop in to take control when a child starts to show signs of anxiety or fear. Parents may tell the child what to do, how to behave, and what to say during situations when the child is anxious. Or, they might do things on behalf of their child.

“They do the scary thing for them,” Holly says. “The children don’t overcome the situation, and they keep feeling anxious.

“Even anxious children naturally face fears and situations that are frightening to them. Parents can look out for this type of bravery, no matter how small, and reward their child. Attention is often the most powerful type of reward, so doing easy things like giving a high five, a smile, or a simple ‘I like how you faced your fears!’ can go a long way,” Holly says.

TODAY’S WOMAN

todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

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Licks of Love I

THE AGENDA ON TWITTER

TodaysWoman@TodaysWomanNow Oct x

Adopt your forever friend @KyHumane and @LouMetroAnimals TodaysWoman@TodaysWomanNow Oct 10

Donate gently-used business attire and attend @DressForSuccessLuncheon TodaysWoman@TodaysWomanNow Oct 21

Support single parents attending college @FamilyScholarsLuncheon TodaysWoman@TodaysWomanNow Oct 30

I looked over the edge of the bridge! #fearofheights #TWFearChallenge

t was love at first sight! When I locked eyes with the soft brown eyes of this adorable puppy, I knew she would be going home with me. My husband, Earl, felt the same way and so, two months ago, we adopted a puppy. We both admit it was an irrational decision made out of emotion rather than logic, but we had fallen hard!

I rationalized the idea by thinking it would help Earl become happier and more active. Earl, I later learned, thought it would help me be more content to stay home since he can’t travel much anymore.

We struggled with a name, going through several until she finally earned the name Trixie. Yes, at 3 months of age, she learned how to unlatch her crate and jump over a 32-inch doggie gate. It was either Houdini or Trixie, so we opted for the latter.

The first few weeks were trying, especially for Earl, who I later learned had never had a puppy before. Since we’ve been married, we’ve rescued older dogs, and he didn’t have a puppy growing up. So at 73, he lamented he was too old for a baby! We stressed out, thinking we had been rash and wondering if we’d made the right decision. But we gradually took control, setting up gates — 41-inch tall “jumper dog” gates, of course — to restrict her to the kitchen area and fencing off a portion of our backyard.

She started coming to the office and quickly earned the title of Stress Relief Editor.

Trixie started doggie day care two days a week, and she’s enrolled in kindergarten obedience school this month, which I am sure will be a lot more about training us rather than her.

Much has been written about the therapeutic value of pets, whether it’s taking a dog to visit an older person or a child in the hospital. They will so often light up in response to a four-legged visitor. That same rationale can be transformative to your home. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a pet. Hearing her wagging tail hit the sides of her crate as she impatiently waits for us to let her out in the mornings starts the day off with a smile.

She’s so happy to see us when we come home, whether we’ve been gone for 10 minutes or 10 hours. And then there are the puppy licks she lavishes on us whenever our faces get within her lick zone! It’s the best.

Pets are the best stress relievers! Check out your shelter — Metro Animal Services or the Kentucky Humane Society — to find your new best friend.

Cathy Zion Publisher Today’s Woman

#TW FEAR CHALLENGE

TWEET AT US @TodaysWomanNow if you are also at these events or other events we should let our readers know about.

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Take a photo and show us how you have conquered fear to compete for our Fear Challenge Prize: (Twitter) @TodaysWomanNow, (Instagram) BeTodaysWomanNow, Facebook, or email us at contests@todayspublications.com.

Use #TWFearChallenge. Deadline: Oct. 31.

TODAY’S WOMAN

s g n i n e p p a H

HOT

what’s going on in the month of October.

m

Sing-ALongA-Grease

WHEN ~ October 24 @ 8pm WHERE ~ Kentucky Center TICKETS ~starting

@ $36.50

CONTACT ~ box office walk-up or drive-thru, kentuckycenter.org or 502.584.7777. Group sales: 502.566.5152

Brian Regan: Live Comedy Tour

WHEN ~ October 23 @ 7pm WHERE ~ Kentucky Center TICKETS ~ $15 CONTACT ~ box office walk-up or drive-thru, kentuckycenter.org or 502.584.7777. Group sales: 502.566.5152

You Think m So You Can Dance Theatre of Harlem

m

m

The Grammy-nominated singer embarks on her first U.S. tour this fall.

The Scottish native gained international attention in 2009 after she rose to fame on the Britain’s Got Talent televised competition.

Boyle went on to become the first and only person over age 50 to debut at number one with a first album. She is also the first solo act and only female artist to have two albums, I Dreamed A Dream and The Gift, at number one in both the UK and USA within one year, a record previously held by The Beatles. Boyle also holds the record for the most pre-release orders in Amazon history, with four consecutive albums reaching number one on the top four “Best Sellers Charts” worldwide.

m

Susan Boyle in Concert

Sing along with the hits from this iconic 1978 film starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John as the lyrics are projected on the screen. The evening begins with your host leading the audience in a vocal warmup and a lesson in how to do the hand jive. Audience participation and costumes are strongly encouraged, with cash prizes given out to the best-dressed.

By GIOIA PATTON

Back by popular demand…and kicking off its worldwide return tour in Louisville! Dance Theatre of Harlem travels the world, inspiring audiences and celebrating diversity. Founded in 1969

by Arthur Mitchell (the first African-American principal dancer at New York City Ballet) and Karel Shook, DTH closed in 2004 to reorganize and audition a completely new troupe of dancers. On its first professional tour in 10 years, this vibrant cultural organization takes on a new challenge — “to redefine ballet in the 21st century.”

WHEN ~ November 1 @8pm WHERE ~ Kentucky Center TICKETS ~ starting @ $22 CONTACT ~ box office walk-up or drive-thru, kentuckycenter.org or 502.584.7777. Group Sales: 502.566.5152

Dance

If you’re a diehard fan of this FOX-TV dance competition like I am, then hip-hop your way down to the Kentucky Center for tickets to witness the fantastic Top 10 finalists plus a selection of the show’s All-Stars performing the most popular routines of the just-completed 11th season. In the years since it began, not only has SYTYCD produced Emmy award-winning choreographers, but its success includes having five former Top 10 finalists from various seasons go on to be hired as professional dancers on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars (Dmitry, Lindsay, Witney, Lacey, and Allison).

In the years since Brian Regan’s 1995 debut on NBC’s Late Night With David Letterman (with 26 appearances to date on that and CBS’s Late Show With David Letterman), he has distinguished himself as one of the premier comedians in the country. Regan’s allages fan base continues to expand thanks to his high-quality, clean material and hilarious physical delivery. He has also released two critically acclaimed hourlong Comedy Central specials and DVDs: 2007’s Brian Regan Standing Up and 2008’s The Epitome of Hyperbole.

WHEN ~ October 25 @ 8pm WHERE ~ Brown Theatre

on Broadway

TICKETS ~ starting @ $38.75 CONTACT ~ Kentucky Center box office walk-up or drivethru, kentuckycenter.org or 502.584.7777. Group sales: 502.566-5152.

WHEN ~ October 21 @ 7:30pm WHERE ~ Kentucky Center TICKETS ~ box office walk-up or

drive-thru, kentuckycenter.org or 502.584.7777. Group sales: 502.566.5152

CONTACT ~ starting @ $30

TODAY’S WOMAN

Best Bite When you go to Brix Wine Bar, start with these blackened pan scallops arranged on a bed of bacon parmesan grits and topped with pads of cilantro lime butter, fried tortilla strips, and micro greens.

When you go for this appetizer, you’ll want to stay for dinner!

Text and photograph by MELISSA DONALD

Brix Wine Bar LOCATION:

12418 LaGrange Road Louisville, KY 40245 502.243.1120 brixlouisville.com HOURS:

Tuesday-Thursday, 4-10pm Friday & Saturday, 4-11pm Closed Sunday & Monday 44

OCTOBER

2014

TODAY’S WOMAN

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Natural, task and general ambient lighting should be considered when creating a lighting plan. Contact Malandra Gibson at Mgibson@sctd.edu for details on becoming a Professional Interior Designer and Certified Lighting Consultant.

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todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

The area’s finest products and services at your fingertips

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2014

OCTOBER

43 45

She Kicks It!

By CARRIE VITTITOE Photo by MELISSA DONALD

Carol Challas

I

n 2003 while living in Minnesota, Carol Challas was diagnosed with breast cancer. A typical support group didn’t appeal to her, but her interest was piqued when she discovered a breast cancer survivor dragon boat racing team. For nine years, she rowed with the team and was inspired by being in the same boat with other women, both literally and figuratively.

After moving to Louisville, Carol paddled with a Northern Kentucky team and began working to establish a local group of rowers. With help from Pan Am Dragon Boats of Tampa, Fla., she acquired a loaner boat. She partnered with members of Gilda’s Club and created the Derby City Dragons.

The Dragons’ loaner boat was christened Blossom because, as Carol says, “that’s what she does for everyone.” Blossom returned to Florida in September, and now Carol is on a mission to find a permanent racing boat for the team.

To contribute to the Derby City Dragons boat fund, go to derbycitydragons.org

Nominate a woman for Today’s Woman Kicks It at TodaysWomanNow.com 46

OCTOBER

2014

TODAY’S WOMAN

*

In relationships…play…community

PASSIONS

A Passion for HALLOWEEN If you have a passion for spooky things, you can find enough to keep you busy during the whole month. Here are a few that you might want to plan into your schedule.

Jack O’ Lantern Spectacular

The Spirit Ball Masquerade and Dance The Conrad Caldwell House will be holding their annual Spirit Ball and this year’s theme is celebrating the 100th anniversary of The Belle of Louisville. Partygoers will sway to live music by pianist Christopher White and the Rascals of Ragtime, and enjoy heavy appetizers, palmistry, an open bar, and bourbon tasting.

WHEN: October 25, 7pm WHERE: October 11 at 5:30pm

Conrad-Caldwell House, 1402 St. James Court.

TICKETS: $150 per person. Or after-party only for $50 per person.

CONTACT: 502.636.5023 or conrad-caldwell.org/spirit-ball/

Boo La La Halloween Ball This costume party is the Conservancy’s largest fundraiser to support the preservation of Louisville’s Frederick Law Olmsted Parks and Parkways.

WHEN: October 25, 6pm WHERE: Marriott Downtown,

280 W Jefferson St. TICKETS: $250 CONTACT: olmstedparks.org.

Local artists will carve more than 5,000 pumpkins that will light a trail the length of five football fields at the base of Iroquois Park. Proceeds from the event benefit the Louisville Metro Parks Foundation.

Caufield’s Halloween Parade

WHEN: Nightly from October 9 through November 2, dusk to 11pm (Monday-Thursday) and dusk until

WHEN: October 10, 7pm WHERE: Starts at Baxter Ave.

midnight (Friday and Saturday) TICKETS: $9 to $15 CONTACT: Iroquois Amphitheater Box Office or jackolanternlouisville.com.

Victorian Ghost Tours

Q:

“Why can’t I learn from my experiences?

My dating relationships all seem to be headed down a one-way street going the wrong way! I feel I’ve been used up emotionally and sexually. I’m deflated, defeated, and drained.

Life seems to have little or no purpose. I just go through the motions of work and routine and obligations, but I want a family and a worthwhile life of my own. How can I turn me around?”

Find the 48

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Morgue at Lexington Rd and ends at Rosewood Ave. and Bardstown Rd. CONTACT: baxterparade.com

WHEN: Nightly, 6-7:30pm WHERE: Old Louisville Information

Center, 1340 South Fourth Street TICKETS: $25 CONTACT: 502.635.5244, oldlouisville.org

JUST ASK JOYCE

A: at TodaysWomanNow.com

M.S Pumpkin Derby M.S. Pumpkin Derby, Inc.’s mission is raising awareness about Multiple Sclerosis in our community.

To do this it hosts an annual event featuring a pumpkin race, a kids’ fun zone, concessions, and a decorated pumpkin contest.

WHEN: November 1, 12-4pm WHERE: Louisville Slugger Field TICKETS: $25 to enter race which

includes racer kit for pumpkin + $5 wristband for 1 turn on all. Entry for non-racers is free CONTACT: mspumkinderby.com

Friday Night Film Festival The Fright Night Film Festival is a horror movie festival that takes place right here in Louisville.

Many horror movie stars come out for the event and you can even get autographs!

WHEN: October 3-5 WHERE: Galt House TICKETS: $50 weekend pass;

$25 day pass

CONTACT: frightnightfilmfest.com

Twilight Tram Among the topics discussed will be geological elements, decorative monuments, selected landscape features, trees, and shrubs, and Louisville history.

Cave Hill Cemetery was chartered in 1848, and contains the gravesites of many notable Louisvillians such as city leader George Rogers Clark, Kentucky Derby founder Meriwether Lewis Clark Jr., and Pete Browning, whose cracked bat led to Louisville Slugger fame.

WHEN: October 11 at 5:30pm WHERE: Cave Hill Cemetery,

701 Baxter Avenue TICKETS: $35 CONTACT: louisvillehalloween.com/ twilight-tram

TODAY’S WOMAN

todayswomannow.com / facebook.com/todayswomanmagazine / @todayswomannow

2014

OCTOBER

49

BEFORE YOU

GO

By ALISSA HICKS Photo by MELISSA DONALD

NAME: Dr. Matisa Wilbon AGE: 38 JOB: Associate professor of sociology LIVES IN: Westport Rd. area Matisa Wilbon seems to never stop going. The associate sociology professor at Bellarmine University is a wife and mom of two, yet it’s what she juggles between those things that makes her even more inspiring.

Matisa, originally from Hazard, Ky., is married to a youth pastor. “We do a lot in the community — volunteering and service projects,” she says. Matisa also is involved with Leadership Louisville and Big Brothers Big Sisters, is the director of the Brown Leadership Community program. “I do a lot of speaking for women’s groups. Power, passion, and purpose are my three taglines.”

Matisa also enjoys running. “I run about three miles per day,” she says. But her main love is in the classroom. Matisa has taught on many different topics during her eight years at Bellarmine, including criminology, juvenile delinquency, crime in the media, and social inequality.

She is also in the early stages of writing her own book. “I’m about to start writing a book on African Americans in Appalachia,” she says. “I’m in the process of researching.

My family were coal miners from what I know, at least three generations. I’ve heard these stories all these years because when I go home, I always like to ask my grandparents about the family and the history of the town. So I was really excited when this opportunity came about.”

LATEST BOOK I READ: “Instinct by T.D. Jakes.

I like to read books that make me reflect and think about what my purpose is.”

Before I Go...

“I always reflect on my day and pray that I can help someone else that same day.”

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FALL ACTIVITY I’M MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO: “My children are at that age where they’re getting into extracurricular activities, so I’m looking forward to being a soccer mom!”

TODAY’S WOMAN