Extra Time by Vlad Nedelcu

START HERE

Between June 11 and July 11 Gauteng will be the centre of the world, with most of the World Cup activities taking place in this province. After all, it starts and ends in Gauteng and it was no coincidence that 19 of the 32 participating teams chose to set up their base camps in the province. Gauteng is where the creative spirit of a nation converges in a dense cultural heartland. It is also the intersection of Africa and global trade, and investors will find the region

CONTENTS

start here

A bit about Gauteng, How to use this guide

stadiums By the numbers, Key matches, Points of interest

party Live music, Clubs, General

pub crawl

NICE TO KNOW

Melville — when the night is still young

eat Gauteng cuisine, The best spots for local fare, Fortifying breakfasts

performances Plays, Musicals

shop Stores, Markets, Souvenirs

see

Apartheid Museum

map

offers access to an array of products, services and markets. From the vibrant metropolis of Soweto, through to the dynamism of Joburg, to the tree-lined diplomatic centres of Pretoria and Tshwane, Gauteng is a cosmopolitan mix of people from across the world. Nature enjoys centre stage in Gauteng, and you can be introduced to the Big Five and hundreds of other wildlife species just minutes from the comfort of your five-star hotel room. Only in Gauteng will you be dazzled by the blending of contrasts — an abundance of starry African skies amid glittering city lights. The flow of Gauteng’s scenic beauty thrills as much as it relaxes, rooting you to the very basics of creation — people in harmony with nature. On the sporting front, Gauteng is the undisputed capital of South African sport. If you wish to do something

with your spare time between games, try out our shopping malls as well as our dining and entertainment areas. Modern shopping malls abound throughout the province and offer a variety of shopping choices and entertainment. There are hundreds of places to eat in Gauteng — from cosy cafés to award-winning restaurants. A myriad cuisine choices are on offer, from traditional African fare to global menus that cover the foods of the world. Gauteng is also home to many historical sites, such as the Apartheid Museum and Constitution Hill. To our visitors — welcome to Gauteng and have a fabulous time. It all starts here.

Nomvula Mokonyane, Premier of Gauteng

USING THIS GUIDE

“People spend most of their time in the section about life under apartheid during the ’60s. It brings home what black people had to deal with in a powerful way.”

Gauteng is a city that can overwhelm the unsuspecting traveller. Relax. This guide is here to help make the most of the short time you’ll be spending in our cool province. It’s organised into two main segments: seeing and doing. We’ve colour-coded everything to make it easier for you to get to where you need to be. We’ve got restaurants, bars, clubs, shops, cultural hotspots and places to venture to while you twiddle your thumbs between the big games. We hope you enjoy your stay. Kinda.

— Mduduzi Tshabalala, tour guide, Apartheid Museum

RED: For those in the mood to drink like a champion and party

Finding your bearings Editor: Damon Boyd Art director: Keith Tamkei Subeditor: Tiara Walters Contributors: Diane Coetzer, Garth van der Walt, Nawhal Kara, Nikki Temkin

YELLOW: For the gastronomes who like fine dining, theatre and other performances BLUE: For those who want to take in Gauteng’s heritage and history, along with some heavy-duty shopping and recreation GREEN: For the people who like getting away from the action and spending some time exploring the reaches of a province ORANGE: Stadiums and their surrounds

Ladies and Germans, this is the first edition of six guides to the province of Gauteng. Gauteng isn’t just Joburg. It’s also home to Pretoria and other strange surrounds, like Midrand. You can get your guide in the weekend editions of the Sunday Times, Sunday World and on week days in the Sowetan. Cheers — Damon, Ed

STADIUMS soccer city* * No, it’s not a bedpan

the lowdown

In May, Soweto’s Soccer City was voted the best designed and developed 2010 soccer stadium at the SA Property Owners Association Innovative Excellence in Property Development Awards. You can be sure, it’s not the first award this glittering stadium is going to earn: owned and developed by the City of Johannesburg, it’s got Joburg natives unashamedly animated in their adoration of the World Cup’s opening and closing

match venue. The stadium is widely regarded as the heart of football in South Africa as it has hosted many important matches through history. In the mid 1980s, officials came together to build the first international football stadium in the country and the construction was funded from the football fraternity's coffers. Soccer City hosted the first mass rally of Nelson Mandela after his release from prison in 1990. Thousands of mourners lamented Chris Hani's assassination at the stadium in 1993.

points of interest

Soccer City is not a totally new stadium: the designers did a masterful job of rejigging the original FNB Stadium and boosted the seating capacity from 80 000 to 94 000. They also added 99 new suites — which brings the places where VIPs can eat, drink SA beer and be merry (and have rapid access to uncrowded loos) to a total of 184.

from the calabash that is so ubiquitous throughout Africa and the potential for tweeness was always there. Especially when you consider that the calabash was also chosen to represent the “melting pot of African cultures”. Thankfully, the results are sublime — especially at night when the calabash lights up, adding a glitter not usually associated with Soweto.

quoted

June 20 Brazil vs Côte d’Ivoire June 23 Ghana vs Germany June 27 Round of 16 July 2 Quarter finals July 11 Final

1. Which team in the World Cup were selected by their king? Mexico France Belgium Romania

LOST?

Important contacts and sites Metrobus 011 375 5555 Metrorail 011 773 5878 Gautrain 0800 42 88 72 46 City of Tshwane 012 358 2010 www.gauteng.net www.findyourway.co.za

2. Why did the Uruguayan goalkeeper Antonio Mazzali return home before the 1930 finals kicked off? He had to attend his father’s funeral. He was badly injured in a warm-up match. He had sneaked out from the hotel without permission. He was caught in bed with his teammate. 3. Why was the match between Argentina and France on July 15 1930 terminated by the referee six minutes before time? There was lightning above the stadium. The Argentinian players had walked out in protest. Hundreds of Argentinian fans had run out to attack the French players. The referee had made a whoopsy. 4. Why was the USA trainer carried off unconscious during a 1930 World Cup match against Argentina? He was lazy. What’s wrong with that? He had been hit by the ball. He had broken a bottle of chloroform. He had been punched by an Argentinian player.

two things you’re likely to see

“It will certainly be used for other events, including music concerts.” — Our woman on the inside, Christa Venter, Joburg’s World Cup operations director

June 11 South Africa vs Mexico June 14 The Netherlands vs Denmark June 17 Argentina vs Korea Republic

the mini world cup soccer quiz

sit here

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? The stadium takes its inspiration 4

front-row suites

• Seating capacity of 94 000 • No seat is farther than 35m from the pitch • The design is based on a calabash (traditional African pot) • The exterior is a mosaic of fire and earth, lit from underneath by lights that symbolise the flames licking the pot • These are the grounds where SA ripped through Tunisia in 1996 to win the African Cup of Nations • Historically speaking, it was the first place to host a Nelson Mandela mass rally after his 1990 prison release • Some say it looks like a glorified bedpan • Let’s not get into that

key matches

Long queues: To the loo, to get food, to get out, to get in. Deal with it, or cut in. Vuvuzelas: These are cultural weapons. They’re there to intimidate, to rouse, to rip through your eardrums.

For the suckers in the cheap seats: K-Way Zoom 8 20x25 Binoculars (R499). Now you too can sight things from afar. Yes, that means the hot girl in row A, centre left.

SMART SHOP

5. Alex Villaplane was France’s captain in the first World Cup match. Why was he killed 15 years later? He killed himself. For alleged collaboration with the Nazis. After an argument in a bar in Paris. For reasons unknown. NEXT WEEK:

Answers next week. Maybe

STADIUMS soccer city* * No, it’s not a bedpan

the lowdown

points of interest

quoted

June 20 Brazil vs Côte d’Ivoire June 23 Ghana vs Germany June 27 Round of 16 July 2 Quarter finals July 11 Final

1. Which team in the World Cup were selected by their king? Mexico France Belgium Romania

LOST?

Important contacts and sites Metrobus 011 375 5555 Metrorail 011 773 5878 Gautrain 0800 42 88 72 46 City of Tshwane 012 358 2010 www.gauteng.net www.findyourway.co.za

two things you’re likely to see

“It will certainly be used for other events, including music concerts.” — Our woman on the inside, Christa Venter, Joburg’s World Cup operations director

June 11 South Africa vs Mexico June 14 The Netherlands vs Denmark June 17 Argentina vs Korea Republic

the mini world cup soccer quiz

sit here

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? The stadium takes its inspiration 4

front-row suites

key matches

Long queues: To the loo, to get food, to get out, to get in. Deal with it, or cut in. Vuvuzelas: These are cultural weapons. They’re there to intimidate, to rouse, to rip through your eardrums.

For the suckers in the cheap seats: K-Way Zoom 8 20x25 Binoculars (R499). Now you too can sight things from afar. Yes, that means the hot girl in row A, centre left.

SMART SHOP

Answers next week. Maybe

STADIUMS soccer city* * No, it’s not a bedpan

Joburg’s World Cup traffic could turn the commute to the city’s grub and jive spots into a dizzy blessed nightmare — even if they are close to the stadium. They will be worth the drive or bus journey, though, and at least you’ll be able to find your first real beer and burger after the match.

places to drink

NAMES TO DROP AFTER FOUR SHOTS OF TEQUILA:

KITCHENER’S CARVERY BAR One word: eccentric. This dimly lit, carpeted (no jokes) bar is perfect for bar proppers, and the bartender is an eight-foot-something, gentle giant of German descent who can’t seem to stop poking fun at the man who pays his salary. Contacts: 011 403 3646, 5 De Beer Street, Braamfontein GIN Think New York’s CeeBeeGeeBees — sans the genius live bands. Intense drinking, intense partying, intense characters. Everyone’s hair stands at a 45-degree angle, same goes for their attitudes. If you’re up for a young crowd, you must attend. At least for five minutes — here you’re bound to pick up somebody in that time. Contacts: 084 555 9585, 12 Gleneagles Road, Greenside

places to eat

NIKI’S OASIS It has oxtail, mogodu (tripe), potjiekos (stew) and pap. If you’re lucky, you might even catch some live jazz while you eat. Place usually closes at midnight, though, so get there before the mirror ball turns into a pumpkin. Contacts: 011 492 1134 / 011 838 9733, 138 Bree Street, Newtown SOPHIATOWN Your typical African restaurant with a cigar lounge for those wanting to celebrate. This celebrated dive only shuts its doors at 2am (hallelujah), but keep your eyes peeled. There will be loads of security — still, this is downtown Joburg. Contacts: 011 836 5999, No 1 Central Place, Jeppe Street, Newtown

the great trek Yes, once you’ve made the journey back from Soccer City, cigar bars, sophisticated eateries and world-class theatre productions await you. A more authentic local experience can be enjoyed in the shebeens (local African pubs) of Soweto and Alexandra.

DOPPIO ZERO Italian food done nicely. The place is usually a haven for big whisky drinkers and fans of homemade ice cream. Contacts: 011 646 8740, Cnr Barry Hertzog and Gleneagles roads, Greenside COOL RUNNINGS You’ll find this Jamaican-style bar in Melville — it’s just up the drag from Marks Park and has a restaurant, too. In a nod to the true Joburg rasta tradition, Cool Runnings is an always laidback, but vibrant watering hole in the heart of the city’s bohemia. Get your hot tropical cocktails and greasy finger food here. Contacts: 011 482 4786, 4th Avenue, Melville

place to dance THE WOODS The only joint you should be getting your funk on after the kickoff. You know the same crowd you laughed at in Gin? Well, they’ll be dancing like robots here. It’s got energy, it’s got vibe. See you there. Contacts: 082 332 5772, 66 Carr Street, Newtown.

Nonhle Thema’s thoughts on the game because it sounds sexier coming from a local TV presenter

SOUTH AFRICA vs MEXICO (JUNE 11) MEXICO Ramón Morales Mario Méndez Oswaldo Sánchez José Antonio Castro José de Jesús Corona Zinha (Antônio Naelson Matias) Rafael Márquez SOUTH AFRICA Itumeleng Khune Aaron Mokoena Teko Modise Matthew Booth Steven Pienaar Benni McCarthy Thanduyise Khuboni

“Ladies, don’t know the difference between dribbling on the pitch and drooling over men in shorts? Who cares when Brazil, the sauciest team in soccer, are playing?”

“Save the date. Gauteng’s biggest match up has got to be Ghana vs Germany”

“Boys, you can never have enough ‘biltong’ — air-dried meat, that is. Same goes for ‘samp’ (gravy-dunked maize), tripe, some pap and boerewors (sausage). If you’d like to impress a local lass, you need to eat like a real bloke.”

STADIUMS soccer city* * No, it’s not a bedpan

places to drink

NAMES TO DROP AFTER FOUR SHOTS OF TEQUILA:

places to eat

Nonhle Thema’s thoughts on the game because it sounds sexier coming from a local TV presenter

“Ladies, don’t know the difference between dribbling on the pitch and drooling over men in shorts? Who cares when Brazil, the sauciest team in soccer, are playing?”

“Save the date. Gauteng’s biggest match up has got to be Ghana vs Germany”

PARTY opening shebang* * One word not two

NIGHTLIFE ETIQUETTE A night on the town in Gauteng is usually killer. Sometimes hair-raising. Here are some rules before you head out, just to make sure you enjoy your time, not spend it picking up your teeth with broken fingers

Ah, the Orlando Concert: big names, bright lights, Shakira’s booty. It’s the BIG official party, your attendance is required. Read on ... the lowdown

who’s performing?

vital stats

It’s the BIG official party that signals the start of the Fifa World Cup the next day. You don’t have to be a footie fan to enjoy the beats, so don’t miss out on what’s being billed as the greatest entertainment event in Africa to date. Kicking off on June 10 at 8pm at the newly renovated Orlando Stadium in Soweto, the live concert showcases a diversity of musical talent that ranges from hip-hop to rap, R&B to pop, as well as soul, jazz and gospel. Sport and other entertainment will be on offer, too, and the concert is expected to gather a 30 000-strong crowd. It’ll be broadcast around the world and screened live on local channel SABC1. Be there or be boring.

The lineup includes major international superstars like crooner John Legend, songstress Alicia Keys, hipsters the Black Eyed Peas and hip-shaking Shakira, as well as hot African artists like Amadou & Mariam, Juanes and Angelique Kidjo. You’ll also be able to catch popular local talents like songstress Lira, Freshlyground, the Parlotones, legendary Hugh Masekela, BLK JKS, Tinariwen, Vieux Farka Touré, Tumi Molekane, K’Naan, 340ml, Vusi Mahlasela, Steadyrock and up-and-coming artists Kwani Experience. Kick-ass electronica act Goldfish will start their set at 11pm.

Buy tickets online at www.computicket.com or call 083 915 8000. Tickets are R450 (outer circle standing), R650 (inner circle standing), R850 and R950 (upper level seated), R1 150 and R1 400 (lower level seated). Doors open at 3pm, with live performances beginning at 4pm. For more info, check out www.controlroom.com/fifaworldcupconcert and www.fifa.com/concert

Alicia Keys waits patiently for a couple of claps

1. Don’t go to a dance club before 1am. Our bars are there to get you soused from 3pm onwards but, when it comes to our dance spots, don’t even consider getting there before 12. 2. Don’t bitch about having to pay cover charge. Our high-end joints are high-end for a reason, so if you want to be seen, cough up.

5. Some of our establishments find it bad form to get sloshed. A pub won’t frown, but pull that stunt at a fashionable nightspot and you’ll be chucked.

JUNE 11 THE AFTER PARTIES

You’ve just finished watching the game. It’s time to celebrate. Here’s what clubs are doing what on the night Bassline 2010 World Cup Party Venue: The Bassline, Newtown Type: Party Digits: 011 838 9142 Bassline is Joburg’s artsy, live-music venue for a range of music lovers. This South African institution rocks anything from reggae and jazz to house, kwaito and blues. Bassline’s home in the Newtown Cultural Precinct, the heart of protest theatre during the apartheid years, epitomises this cultural jewel, which has done well to maintain its alternative Afro signature over the years. Its World Cup party promises to be explosive.

6. Let’s cut to the chase: bar fights are frowned upon. Get into a scrap with our guys and you might well have to extend your stay in South Arica for your legs to heal. 7. Women, you will meet loads of interested local men who don’t take no for an answer. Don’t be scared, just tell them off. It won’t be perceived as rude. 8. Don’t window shop. If you go into one of our clubs, at least hang around for one beer. If you don’t like the feel of the place, don’t go in.

3. If you’re at a dance club — let loose. Local girls love a guy who can put on the moves. So don’t be shy.

9. Do not treat our floors as ashtrays. Where there are smoking areas, we will stock ashtrays. Kill your smoke. Move on.

4. Our bartenders love getting tipped. The more you do, the more they’ll treat you like the Chief. And remember, the harder the tack, the higher the tip.

10. Don’t be difficult. Don’t irritate the waitresses, bartenders, bouncers. This town is kind, loving and sweet, but don’t push our buttons. We will thrash you.

Jet Nightclub — Hot with Football Fevah Venue: Jet Nightclub, Northgate Type: The club will be converted into a viewing lounge for the kickoff extravaganza, which will be celebrated throughout the night in unabashed football style Doors open: 7pm Dress: Soccer DJ lineup: DJ Fresh, Roger Goode, Mark Stent, Goodluck, Dimplez, Justin Miller, Royal K, Mojo Inc, Deejay Dunn, DJ Lior, Speedsta, DJ Missy D, Man-Liza and DJ Sugarfree Contacts: www.myjet.co.za Jet Nightclub is a chic, sophisticated venue. It can be relied on for a memorable party every weekend, so the soccer spectacular is one party not to be missed. The lineup offers a range of liveperformance acts and caters to all party devotees’ musical tastes — from deep house to R&B and hip-hop.

Zouk World Cup Extravaganza (in conjunction with Moloko and Latinova) Venue: Zouk lounge, Sandton Type: World Cup party Doors open: 4pm Dress: Smart casual Digits: 073 362 7095 This is a seductive haunt whose warm African lighting will transform you into the Bard of Pickup Lines. Don’t miss out on their football festival celebration.

Movida Singles Party

Venue: Movida Nightclub, Rivonia Type: Party Dress: Super styling (shoes and collared shirts for men) DJ lineup: Resident DJs Paul and Nick playing all the commercial stuff Age restriction: Strictly ladies 23 and over, gents 25 and over The ‘it’ place for the exclusive northern suburbs crowd. Red curtains are drawn each night to display a performance smorgasbord, varying from Broadway to Las Vegas. Voted as one of the world’s top 18 design-inspired clubs by New York’s Black Book magazine

Venue: Tokyo Sky, Fourways Type: Party experience Doors open: 7pm Dress: Smart casual DJ lineup: Shluda de Guru, Twins on Decks, Chad DB, Twisted Round, Pinstripe, Super C, Warrick (YFM), Electro Ice, Mr Swirls and Eezo Live Digits: 011 465 0704 Get colourful with C4 every Friday night for the duration of the World Cup. C4 originated when a group of friends came together to host parties for their extended circle of buddies and over the years it has exploded into an unmissable experience — join the regulars and learn how to “make the circle beega”.

Tanz Café Celebrates the World Cup Venue: Tanz Café, Bryanston Type: Party with a live performance by Liesl Graham and co Doors open: 8pm Dress: Smart casual — wear your Bafana Bafana shirts and bring your vuvuzelas Digits: 082 855 5445 Tanz Café is one of the greatest live performance venues in Joburg’s northern suburbs. The atmosphere is vibey, yet intimate. Tanz is perfect for a chat and drink after, before and during the game. Don’t miss out on a performance by award-winning South African rocker Liesl Grahams.

Gold Fish LIVE @ Nicci Beach Venue: Nicci Beach, Wild Waters Boksburg Type: Open-air party with a live band Dress: Evening wear and beach chic Digits: 011 823 5714 Nicci Beach is famous for one of South Africa’s biggest dance parties, H2O. A live performance from Gold Fish, one of South Africa’s legendary bands, will leave party people gyrating for more. The group’s trademark electrojazz sound combines samplers, saxophones, a groove box, keyboards, vocoder, upright bass, flute and effect units into a spontaneous, liveremix performance.

PARTY opening shebang* * One word not two

Ah, the Orlando Concert: big names, bright lights, Shakira’s booty. It’s the BIG official party, your attendance is required. Read on ... the lowdown

who’s performing?

vital stats

Alicia Keys waits patiently for a couple of claps

5. Some of our establishments find it bad form to get sloshed. A pub won’t frown, but pull that stunt at a fashionable nightspot and you’ll be chucked.

JUNE 11 THE AFTER PARTIES

3. If you’re at a dance club — let loose. Local girls love a guy who can put on the moves. So don’t be shy.

9. Do not treat our floors as ashtrays. Where there are smoking areas, we will stock ashtrays. Kill your smoke. Move on.

4. Our bartenders love getting tipped. The more you do, the more they’ll treat you like the Chief. And remember, the harder the tack, the higher the tip.

10. Don’t be difficult. Don’t irritate the waitresses, bartenders, bouncers. This town is kind, loving and sweet, but don’t push our buttons. We will thrash you.

Movida Singles Party

DRINK melville*

THE BOHEMIAN

* Somebody please get that pom a Pimms

what is it? A hotspot for students, bohemians and Joburg intelligentsia. Known for its 7th Avenue, Melville is jam-packed with bars, restaurants, hawkers, hookers and onlookers. It’s a mish-mash, ranging from Mozambican prawns to biltong and boerewors stands. It’s one of the melting pots of culture and creativity and, lets be honest, a great place to throw your name away.

Why go? The Bo, as this pub is affectionately called by its patrons, is a Jozi landmark. Grungy to the max, there are no airs and graces here. You’ll find live bands playing gigs twice a week. Get there in good time to nab a pool table. Top tipple: Good, ‘ol fashioned Black Label, Heineken or Captain Morgan rum. Average prices: Half-price pizza specials on Monday and Wednesday nights, as well as specials on beer. Details: Cnr 5 Park Road and Menton roads, Richmond, 011 482 1725, www.thebo.co.za.

XAI- XAI LOUNGE Why go: A stalwart on the Melville strip, this unpretentious, Mozambican-inspired restaurant/bar (pronounced “shy-shy”) sports rustic Formica chairs and red table cloths. A recent revamp has also made it more spacious. It’s a favourite of Melville inhabitants: an artsy, intellectual muso, media crowd. Plus, the prawn curry isn’t half bad. Satisfy the rumbles in your tummy while watching matches. Top tipple: Chilled Laurentina lager or a tropical cocktail, of course! Be daring and try a “dharwa”, a North African cocktail consisting of fresh lime, sugar, mint, honey and cane. Sample the wacky cocktails named after famous people — the Nelson Mandela and Graça Machel go together. Average price: R25 for a cocktail. Details: 5A, 7th Street, Melville, 011 482 6990, GPS: S 26.176928 | E 28.008575.

SIX COCKTAIL BAR Why go? Slightly more upmarket than some of the other venues in Melville, this spot rocks a diverse crowd. Get comfy and work your way through the over 60 (yes, really) cocktail menu. Top tipple: Their caipirinhas have to be some of the best in town . . . or try the blackberry and peach cocktail. Average price: You have seven hours to imbibe two cocktails for the price of one: 12pm-7pm. Start early. Details: 7th Street, Melville. Situated between Second and Third avenues, 011 482 8306, 083 623 7950, www.sixcocktailbar.com, GPS: S 26 10 37 00 | E 28 00 31 25.

Have a thing for ball play? Great. Make your way to Stones, possibly the best pool hall the ’burb has to offer. Loads of tables, loads of girls, loads of beer. Make sure you’re loaded. Details: Shop 9, 7 Main Road, Melville, Joburg, 011 726 1623, www.stones.co.za

GOOD JOKE TO PICK UP GIRL

11 A BARFLY’S 101 Firstly find a bar where you can talk to people in an ingratiating slur. Don’t settle for a place that plays music. The only thing that’s allowed to be loud is you.

DRINK SMART

TRANCESKY BEAT BAR

rack ’em up

RATZ

Why go? This funky bar-cum-nightclub, which on any given night churns out pumping alternative tunes, has been given a facelift. It’s where the energetic, youngish and up-for-it crowd congregate to let their hair down. And, when they do, there’ll be dancing. All World Cup matches will be screened. Top tipple: Exhilarating cocktails like the Trancesky Beach Party and Blue Dolphins enhance the makeshift psychedelic vibe. It’s supposed to be a break from the rat race, like the Transkei — geddit? Average price: Cocktails are on special every day: two for one until 10pm. Details: 77 7th Street, Melville, 011 726 2241/083 604 0832, GPS: GPS: S 26.176928 | E 28.008575.

Why go? A casual, old-school hangout, there’s no reason to scrub up before hitting this popular watering hole. Just go as you are and join the throngs of revellers spilling out onto the street. Lively, to the point of rowdy, the buzz goes on ‘til the early hours. Top tipple: There’s a huge selection of imported beers and a wide range of lethal cocktails, like the famed choc martini. Nice. Average price: Yay for Happy Hour! All cocktails are R25, 4-7pm every day. On Sundays and Mondays they’re R25. Details: 9B, 7th Street, 082 903 0248, GPS: -26.176192 | 28.008575.

Had too much of a tipple? Get some stranger to take you home. Best of the lot? Toot-n-Scoot, you drink they drive. Tel: 086 111 2374 Fax: 011 463 1344 E-Mail: mail@toot.co.za

NEXT EDITION Newtown. The pub crawls, dos and don’ts, top shots and more . . .

Make sure to frequent a bar often enough in the short time you’re here so that the bar tender knows your “usual”. You also want the barman to know your name. Sad. But true. Start a stupid conversation with another regular. Make sure to argue every point. Use clever words like “discombobulated”, “vis-à-vis” and “monetisation”. Move from table to table on a buzz like a common housefly. By this stage your shirt should be unbuttoned to your navel, hairy man boobs out, stomach unleashed. Go forth and multiply.

An ocean liner passes a desert island, a passenger and the captain watch as a scrawny bearded man runs out on the beach, shouting and waving his arms. "Who’s that?" asks the passenger. "I don’t know," says the captain. "But every year we sail past he goes nuts."

DRINK melville*

THE BOHEMIAN

* Somebody please get that pom a Pimms

GOOD JOKE TO PICK UP GIRL

11 A BARFLY’S 101 Firstly find a bar where you can talk to people in an ingratiating slur. Don’t settle for a place that plays music. The only thing that’s allowed to be loud is you.

DRINK SMART

TRANCESKY BEAT BAR

rack ’em up

RATZ

Had too much of a tipple? Get some stranger to take you home. Best of the lot? Toot-n-Scoot, you drink they drive. Tel: 086 111 2374 Fax: 011 463 1344 E-Mail: mail@toot.co.za

NEXT EDITION Newtown. The pub crawls, dos and don’ts, top shots and more . . .

jhb 26066

EAT gauteng* * ’Cause we have taste

good night and good chakalaka

meat and greet

As for the accompaniments to the protein, four words should do the trick. “Pap”, pronounced as one would the word for a small dog, is a carbohydrate staple of boiled corn (“mielie”) meal. It is prepared in a myriad ways to a variety of textures.

There’s nothing that piques the appetite quite like 12 hours in cattle class — or, come to think of it, even a couple of hours on a domestic flight — combined with the bracing, winter chill of northern South Africa’s Highveld. Something must, over the burning embers of a barbeque (or “braai”, as the locals would put it), give up its life as payment for the indignity of it all — and, to chow down the real Seffrican way, you’ll have to get down with the language.

grinning, braised and braaied “Smiley”, the least challenging word in the SA lexicon, is the altogether more challenging dinner or lunch featuring the grinning, braised and “braaied” head of a sheep cut in half. The mere knowledge of the word, however, will earn you kudos at the “shisanyama”, the social braai of the townships, where you buy meat and “boerewors” — South Africa’s trademark, corianderspiced beef sausage — from the local butchery and then commit it to near incineration over a communal fire.

USELESS FACT #1 Ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand, but who needs heads when you’re making biltong?

chow now brown cow — the aspiring seffrican’s pronunciation guide Nice and slowly, from low in your chest, roll your r’s: “boerewors” begins with a sharp “boo”, followed by a “rrre” and then a “wors” . . . like “oarrrs” prefixed with a “v”. Now say “lekker” — in local lingo this means “that’s nice” — as in “lacquer” with an “rrr”. Perfect. And “braaivleis”: here a longish “hi” is preceded by a “brrr”, and then there’s the “vleis” — nothing more than “face” with an “l” thrown in for good measure. Stay with us now . . . just a few more words and you’ll be

speaking the language of South African soul food. Biltong, cured and air-dried beef, is what you want to take to a World Cup match as the quintessential South African snack. It’s just like your mate William, the beak of a duck or the piece of paper you get after your meal, followed by “tong”, the hinged or sprung tool for grasping, sans the “s”. And that’s the meat of the matter. Oh, and you pronounce “shisanyama”, the word for a township braai, with a short “she”, followed by an emphatic “sa”, a “ni” — as in Monty Python’s Knights of Ni — and, ultimately, a “yama’, like the motorcycle without the “ha”.

Then you’ll need to be able to say “chakalaka” — “chucka” as in the four periods of play in a polo match, followed by “luck”, to which the suffix “a” is lashed. Chakalaka is a hot or cold curried relish-cumsauce of Malay/Indian origin and contains carrots, green pepper, garlic, ginger, cauliflower, onion and chillies. “Morogo”: “more” — because you’ll want a second helping of the boiled or steamed wild spinach that perfectly partners pap — followed by a hard, rolled “rrrr”, “o” as in “off”, “ggg” as in the “ch” in “Bach” and “o” as in “off”. Morogo. And finally, “umnqusho”, a Xhosa staple. Ready? Forget it. It’s never going to happen. Ask for samp and beans — it’s no less delicious.

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EAT gauteng* * ’Cause we have taste

good night and good chakalaka

meat and greet

USELESS FACT #1 Ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand, but who needs heads when you’re making biltong?

EAT gauteng* * ’Cause we have taste

MOYO With two branches in Joburg, Moyo offers an African-themed tourist experience — starting with a welcome by the sing-song, wishy-washy ladies and some African face painting. Moyo’s famed music is compelling — even for those with little or no rhythm. The food can be wide off the mark — especially the buffet. Good bread and excellent guinea fowl stew, though. MOYO, MELROSE ARCH 011 684 1477 MOYO, ZOO LAKE 011 646 0058

GRAMADOELAS EXOTIC AFRICAN RESTAURANT, NEWTOWN

Gramadoelas offers a broad range of mostly Malayinfluenced, South African specialities, including pickled fish, lamb potjiekos (lamb braised in a three-legged, castiron pot), tomato bredie (another lamb stew, this time in a rich tomato gravy), snoek sambal with moskonfyt (fish paté served with farmstyle bread and grape must jam), pumpkin fritters and koeksisters (the almost painfully sweet twists of deepfried dough soaked in syrup). 011 838 6960

THE TROYEVILLE HOTEL, TROYEVILLE

THE RADIUM BEERHALL, ORANGE GROVE

pot luck — our finest gastronomic delights Now you’ve sunk your teeth into South Africa’s beefier expressions, there’s simply no excuse for queuing with the rest of the herd at the Golden Arches. But, until you’re invited to a shisanyama, or braai, by a South African — and let’s face it, we’re a pretty hospitable bunch, so that shouldn’t take too long — you’re going to have to rely on Joburg’s restaurateurs for glimpses of the city’s cosmopolitan African cuisine. Gauteng’s culinary landscape, much like its art, architecture and culture, is a chaotic blend of Manhattan meets mining town, rough-and-ready industry meets admin hub, with a vivid splash of the old country. Chinese, Italian, Portuguese, Greek, Thai — you name it, it’s here. All with a Gauteng twist . . .

An altogether better bet is Joburg food influenced by Portugal and, specifically, the seafood of its former colony, Mozambique. The Troyeville Hotel, next to Portugal Fisheries in Troyeville, offers delicious, affordable, simply prepared seafood, the highlight of which is a plate of peri-peri prawns from Mozambique washed down with an ice-cold beer. Also try the hotel’s prego rolls and trinchado (skewers of grilled rump steak). Expect a noisy, vibrant evening. 011 402 7709

Prawns share top billing with peri-peri chicken at the oldest bar and grill in Joburg, another Portuguese-influenced stalwart renowned for cheap, good food and, of course, as the name suggests, beer. 011 728 3866

WANDIES PLACE, DUBE, SOWETO

LA CUCINA DI CIRO, PARKTOWN NORTH

For a venture that hovers tantalisingly close to the edge of sublime, set aside an evening, and a dollar or euro extra, for a visit to La Cucina di Ciro in Parktown North. A perfect Italian marriage of panache and simplicity. 011 442 5187

Also popular with tourists who, it must be remarked, are unlikely to ever return, is Wandies (Place, Tavern or Restaurant — one can never be absolutely certain) in Dube, Soweto. The food — buffet — is soso, with the exception of the morogo and the COL’CACCHIO, umnqusho, but the SOUTH AFRICA-WIDE spirited atmosphere often LAPA FO, succeeds in making up for GREENSIDE it. Richard Branson, Evander Holyfield, Jesse Jackson, Quincy Jones and the All Blacks have all THE MEAT visited, though none have To discover what South COMPANY, become regulars. Africans of Italian MONTECASINO, 011 326 1700 extraction do to food — MELROSE ARCH, specifically wheat, CLEARWATER tomatoes and mozzarella MALL — in Joburg, try a pizza from the Col’Cacchio chain or Lapa Fo in Should you wish to Greenside — devour some of our disappointment rarely splendid wildlife, the features on the menu of Meat Company either establishment. always has antelope COL’CACCHIO, of some sort on its THROUGHOUT GAUTENG menu. Rich, dark and 011 463 5034 succulent, grilled LAPA FO, GREENSIDE kudu sirloin is the 011 486 2651 undisputed king. 011 511 0235

EAT gauteng* * ’Cause we have taste

GRAMADOELAS EXOTIC AFRICAN RESTAURANT, NEWTOWN

THE TROYEVILLE HOTEL, TROYEVILLE

THE RADIUM BEERHALL, ORANGE GROVE

WANDIES PLACE, DUBE, SOWETO

LA CUCINA DI CIRO, PARKTOWN NORTH

EAT gauteng* * ’Cause we have taste

LA CUCINA DI CIRO

Where: 43 7th Avenue, Parktown North, Joburg Digits: 011 442 5187 Get the day off to a flyer with a caffe corretto, a “corrective” grappa and a restorative double espresso — certainly among the finest on offer. Then carefully peruse the menu, an alluring list of finely conceived breakfasts, each bearing chef patron Ciro Molinaro’s hallmarks of innovation and quality. And, once your taste buds are fully alert, order the tournedos breakfast — fillet steak, rosti potato, bacon, mushroom, grilled tomato and fried egg. Order the fillet rare. Trust the chef. Best breakfast in town.

WIMPY Where: Killarney, Joburg Contact: 011 646 7434 For the pleasure of giving Fifa a short, sharp poke in the eye with a sharp stick, order the no-nonsense Get Behind the Nation Breakfast. The ad makes no mention of Bafana Bafana. Not one word of the tournament’s 32 teams. But the intent is crystal clear. “Everything you smaak (want), including two eggs, boerie (boerewors), pork banger, two rashers of bacon, grilled tomato, a slice of toast and regular Wimpy famous coffee.” Wimpy 1, Fifa 0.

breakfasts of champions BICCCS

Where: Waterkloof, Pretoria Digits: 012 346 3203 Bicccs — bread, ice cream, cake, croissants, coffee and sandwiches — and then some. Watch disconcertingly delicious ice cream being made in vintage ’50s Carpigiani machines while being assailed by the kneeweakening smell of the trademark Pangiovanni, a loaf in the style of southern Italy. Nothing on the menu costs more than R40. Coffee, great croissants, luxurious chocolate twists and pantworthy panini.

Okay, so you’ve been out all night, now it’s morning. The birds are singing, the sun is rising, and you need to get something inside you before you fall into a heap. Gauteng’s got some of the best spots when it comes to fortifying breakfasts. Here are five to get you on the go.

CIAO BABY CUCINA Where: Sandton, Joburg Digits: 011 675 1801/2 An Italian-themed franchise operation renowned for the buffet breakfasts it presents on Saturdays and Sundays. Sixty rand gets you pastries, fresh fruit salad, yoghurt, pancakes, all the usual breakfast suspects . . . and very good frittata. Take your time. Coffee hovering on the brink of good. Offers a comprehensive breakfast menu on weekdays.

MUGG & BEAN Where: Parkhurst, Joburg Digits: 011 788 7111 With more than 100 outlets countrywide, Mugg & Bean is a South African institution. And not without good reason. Consistency is the byword most associated with the brand. Pretty good coffee — even the bottomless. Huge muffin that alone will see you through the better part of the day. Robust flavours, generous. The French toast with bacon and syrup is a banker.

PERFORMANCES Arts and culture blossom in Gauteng. From modern global arts trends, to home-grown stage and theatre productions, it’s all about innovation, fun and diversity. There is a great deal of productions — music and stage — set for the World Cup. During your sojourn in the province, there will also be music, musicals, classical and drama, plus a few upand-coming artists and actors showcasing their talent. Here are a few highlights of what’s in store. Enjoy.

gauteng* * ’For those who think the world’s a stage

SCHUBERT SYMPHONY No 8, BEETHOVEN SYMPHONY No 9 Johannesburg Philharmonic Orchestra, Linder Auditorium, Parktown, June 9 Tickets: R120 and upwards Digits: 011 789 2733

Our first recommendation has to be Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. It’s one of the best-known works of the Western classical repertoire and is considered to be Beethoven’s masterpiece. It was one of the first symphonies to use voices, with the final choral work taken from the Ode to Joy, a poem written by Friedrich Schiller in 1785. The famed Bernhard Gueller will conduct with Kelebogile Boikanyo on soprano, Stefan Louw on tenor, Otto Maidi on bass, as well as the Gauteng Choristers. Dress code is smart, Mr Bond. JESSE CLEGG LIVE AT THE FRINGE The Joburg Theatre, Braamfontein, June 17-20 Tickets: R100 Digits: 011 482 3550 Here’s a heads-up. South Africa’s new music sensation Jesse Clegg (the son of our very own internationally renowned Johnny Clegg) will be performing at the Joburg Theatre. He’s been nominated for three South African Music Awards and has performed with Stevie Wonder, WILL.I.AM and Alicia Keyes.

CHINESE PIANIST CHUN WANG FOR THE JOHANNESBURG MUSICAL SOCIETY Linder Auditorium, Parktown, June 6 Tickets: R106 Digits: 011 728 5492 For the early arrivers, try catch the prodigious young pianist Chun Wang at the Linder Auditorium in Parktown today at 5pm. He’s played for Condoleezza Rice, the former US secretary of state, and travelled the world, performing in cities like London and Buenos Aires. Tonight he’ll be playing the likes of Bach (Toccata in D Major), Schumann (Fantasy in C Major), Chopin (Opus 36) and Stravinsky (Trois Mouvements de Petrouchka). Not to be missed.

PERFORMANCES

gauteng* * ’For those who think the world’s a stage

BIKO: WHERE THE SOUL RESIDES Market Theatre, Newtown, until June 11 Tickets: On request Digits: 011 832 1641

This production explores the life of Steve Biko, from his 1968 formation of the South African Student Organisation to his death in September 1977 in a police cell. The play does well to capture the political activist as well as the man, and steers clear of becoming an empty diatribe on South African history. If you like your acting fierce, and your direction stark, this is the perfect drama for you.

how about some art? THE GOODMAN GALLERY WINTER SHOW The Goodman Gallery, Parkwood Digits: 011 788 1113 In the mood to see some South African and international art? This June sees the Goodman Gallery relaunch its Parkwood space, featuring works from a range of local and international artists. Expect to see works by local artists William Kentridge, Sam Nhlengethwa, David Goldblatt and Mikhael Subotzky. The exhibition will also showcase work from around the continent. Other participating international artists will include Hank Willis Thomas and Ghada Amer, plus many more.

GREASE Teatro at Montecasino, Fourways, until June 13 Tickets: On request Website: www.computicket.co.za

Great way to get their kicks

UMOJA Victory Theatre, Houghton Estate, until September Tickets: R115 Digits: 011 728 9603 Overseas critics keep calling it “the only South African musical”. We couldn’t agree more. Umoja (which means “unity”) is a blistering dance and song set that encapsulates the spirit of togetherness. The story? Sophiatown — the forced removals, the segregation. The entire account is told through amazing gumboot dancing and captivating song. AFRICAN FOOTPRINT Theatre of Marcellus, Emperors Palace, Kempton Park, until June 20 Tickets: On request Digits: 083 251 2205 It’s South Africa’s longest-running musical, and it’s back. African Footprint, which has toured the world, including Australia, Mexico, China, India, Israel and Monte Carlo, is celebrating its 10th anniversary. We highly recommend. Oh, and the dress code is smart-casual.

It’s got rave reviews. So, we thought it wise to tell you all about it. We all know the story: teenage angst, love eternal, catchy tunes. This production features an all South African cast, it has all the songs (yes, even You’re the One that I Want) and stars Jonathan Roxmouth as Danny, Bethany Dickson as Sandy, Dane Paarman as Kenickie, Genna Galloway as Rizzo, an assortment of grease monkeys and gumchewing girls.

SHOP sandton* * Where kugels grow on trees

CALABASH Yes, we just canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get away from calabashes, now can we? This beautifully designed curio comes from the African Craft Market at Village Walk in Sandton, one of the best spots for authentic crafts from the continent. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s open the whole week and you can browse around for beadwork, African masks, wooden animals and other unique curios. This calabash will set you back R350.

Notice the cool mother-of-pearl inlay

SHOP sandton* * Where kugels grow on trees

HANDMADE WOODEN BASKET If curios are your thing — or wood, for that matter — then you’ve got to get your hands on this intricately designed basket from the African Craft Market. (Village Walk, Sandton, R250)

HEART NECKLACE Two words: spoil her. Don’t be cheap, be romantic. Get her this necklace. Now. (Robot, Nelson Mandela Square, R350)

PURPLE BOOTS WITH KILLER HEELS Come in Wags, one and all. This pointy pair will have you tottering on the edge of reason for a lifetime. And yes, the heels look great pressing down on a man’s head. (Preview, Sandton City, R5 900)

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KIDDIES T-SHIRT “Africa Loves Me.” And so it should. This cute kiddies shirt and others like it are all the rage in Joburg. Then again, the store where it comes from — Big Blue — is all the rage, too, with it’s eccentric accessories and custom clothing items. (Big Blue, Sandton City, R150)

GREEN TEXTURE CUSHION It may look like a glorified piece of bubble wrap, but it’s really a cushion. The vibrance of colour and quality of its design are typically South African. It can be found sitting snuggly on a display counter at Coricraft Lifestyles in Sandton City. (Shop U100, R250)

BLUE-SILK BOW TIE We know. It looks ridiculous. But it’ll come in handy when you need to go to that theatre performance or art gallery. And hey, it’s silk. (Fabiani, Nelson Mandela Square, R350)

MEN’S CHECK SHIRT Ah, the perfect shirt for a night out somewhere snazzy in the city. Remember, throw in a blue tie and you’ve got all bases covered. Unbutton the collar and you’re ready for drinks and girls on both arms. (Fabiani, Nelson Mandela Square, R1 500)

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SOUVENIR IDEA No 1 The Nike Football Bag The Nike store has opened in Sandton. It’s got everything and you can even customise your sneakers. This bag is the perfect hold-all for your bits and bobs while you spend time in and around Gauteng. It looks great. It’s affordable. Need we say more? (Nike Football Store, Sandton City, R799)

Please see Page 24 for stockist numbers

SHOP sandton* * Where kugels grow on trees

HEART NECKLACE Two words: spoil her. Don’t be cheap, be romantic. Get her this necklace. Now. (Robot, Nelson Mandela Square, R350)

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BLUE-SILK BOW TIE We know. It looks ridiculous. But it’ll come in handy when you need to go to that theatre performance or art gallery. And hey, it’s silk. (Fabiani, Nelson Mandela Square, R350)

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Please see Page 24 for stockist numbers

SEE apartheid museum* * A rough guide

what is it?

From big-shot soccer officials like Fifa president Sepp Blatter to celebrities like Wyclef Jean, the Apartheid Museum has become an essential destination for visitors to Jozi. And “experience” is the right word: the most comprehensive museum of 20thcentury South African history, this is a multi-disciplinary journey through every aspect of apartheid in a place built around the idea that “a

history forgotten is a future lost”. Impeccably designed, this space has been chiselled from stone, rusted steel, red brick, wood, glass and grey concrete. Whether you want to do the fast, slow or child-friendly trek, start outside and work your way past the pillars of the country’s constitution — democracy, reconciliation, freedom, respect, diversity and responsibility. Then you’ll have to go through the raceclassification areas before heading up the hill, past an evocative Khoisan rock art installation. A panoramic view of Joburg awaits you before you start your tour of SA’s history.

TAKE NOTE

“To be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains. But to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” — Nelson Mandela

The Apartheid Museum has extended its hours during the World Cup. The museum will be open seven days a week, from 8am to 6.30pm. Twenty final-year tourism students will also be working as interns in the museum. CONTACT Northern Parkway Road Joburg 2091 011 309 4700 www.apartheidmuseum.org

where’s what Classification: Enter here. Get given your nonwhite or white pass. Segregation ensues, and so your journey begins.

Voices of South Africa: Check out the installation of hanging televisions that sprout words of wisdom from the bright minds of our country.

Rock art enclosures: It’s rock art, it’s old — what else do you want?

Mandela — Leader, Comrade, Negotiator, Prisoner, Statesman: See the exhibition celebrating the life of Nelson Mandela. Then, if you really feel like it, take in the thoughts and memories of the people who lived through the apartheid era.

The Panorama of Joburg: Make your way through the Panorama of Joburg and down the stairs to a photo essay tracking the implementation of Apartheid.

memorabilia Stock up on specially designed T-shirts, books and more at the Apartheid Museum’s new shop and grab a bite to eat at The Truth Cafe.

for the kids If you have children in tow, ditch the hellish ’80s doccie and take them to the temporary exhibition on Nelson Mandela. Show them around the outside area, where they can play with the different coloured sticks that represent Mandela’s core values (charm among them).

other things to look out for During the World Cup the museum will host several other temporary exhibitions, including an installation by Thomas Mulcaire that has been derived from sports pages, as well as advertising and publicity, around football in the ’50s. Another new temporary exhibition showcases a Christopher Swift sculpture made of fencing taken from Robben Island — a place that epitomises the incarceration years of apartheid. Also see Kara Walker’s Two Films — an exhibition built around the US artist’s imaginings of the possible beginnings of African-American history. William Kentridge (pictured) / Gerhard Marx’s The World on its Hind Legs will also be presented at the museum on July 8.

Mandela’s release: Learn all about the early ’90s, the National Peace Accord, the transition to democracy and the 1994 elections.

Solitary confinement: For the opportunity to experience the epitome of claustrophobia, step inside cells like these where political prisoners spent many months alone. Casspir: Beep beep bang bang, sit inside the most interactive 4x4 by far.

Political executions: See the display of 121 nooses dangling from the ceiling, representing the number of political prisoners hanged during apartheid (section 17 on the guide map).

Life in the ’60s: Sensitive viewing. This part of the tour gets a little heavy. If you feel it might be too much for your kids, move along to “Mandela’s Release”.

“People I take around the museum spend most of their time in the section showing life under apartheid during the ’60s. I think it brings home just what black people had to suffer through in a powerful way. Loads of famous people have been to the museum. I remember taking 50 Cent on a tour and I can tell you, he was really affected by what he saw.” — Mduduzi Tshabalala, Apartheid Museum Tour Guide

Implementation of Apartheid: Walk through a cage installation of images, words and visuals, all of which take a hard look at human rights atrocities.

NEXT EDITION Constitution Hill. The long and winding road to political freedom

And don’t let them miss a young Nelson Mandela in a remarkable 1961 BBC interview with Nelson Mandela when he was dodging the authorities.

dos and don’ts • Don’t wear Kenya-style colonial gear. This isn’t Out of Africa (anymore) • Don’t be overheard saying “Nelson who?” • Do cry if you want to. The museum is an overwhelmingly emotional experience • Do buy a “Truth” T-shirt at the shop and wear it all the time