thislife magazine iss 11

Summer 2014

Issue 11

thislife

FREE www.thislife.org.za

in search of meaning

I love my mother, but...

Father and son:

reunited after 14 years

WIN

great prizes

Smashed avo bruschetta,

darlings?

Pushing yourself: Olympic cyclist Jo

How to fix your relationship with food!

Off the streets and into a job: Jerome’s story

stories of hope l local living l contemporary faith

contents

26

ON THE COVER Cover photos by: Tonya Hester, Bruce Tuck Photography

06 sportymoment Olympic cyclist Jo van de Winkel on stress and

pushing yourself 08 coolstories Off the streets and working: Jerome George’s story 10 personallife I love my mother, but...

14 ourlives Garry and Nick von Bratt are reunited after 14 challenging

years apart 20 medicalmoment The psychology of dieting: fix your relationship

with food!

24 foodielife Easy but impressive smashed avo and mushroom

bruschetta

4

AND THE REST 04 locallife Living it up in Sea Point, clothes with a conscience

and cinema under the stars 12 worklife Day in the life of a UCT law lecturer 23 reallife Emma Brewster walks with the wounded 26 photomoment Gugulethu micro-farmers pause to smile 27 infomoment Courses/groups/support for YOU

Troy Davies

28 marketplace Local classifieds (take the las out of looking) 32 retailtherapy Made in SA! Gifts and goods you feel great

about buying

Prizes: up for grabs in this issue Two nights away for two in a Velddrif holiday house with use of kayak p22 donated by Quay West Holiday Home 2.5 hour Gingko Spa treatment p11 R400 meal voucher for any Nü Health Food Café p5

CONGRATS to the winners from our last issue: Natasha Abrahams, Retreat; Bernise Booth, Bellville; Veronica Bradford, Muizenberg; Heidi Maritz, Retreat; Shireen Skippers, Kuilsriver; Ronnie Stubbs, Lansdowne; Ricardo Theunissen, Ottery; Gillian Woods, Retreat; Desmond Petersen, Elsies River

R250 voucher for meals or shopping at Four & Twenty Café, Wynberg p25

CONTACT US Want to give input or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine?

Email Katy at thislifemag@gmail.com Physically deliver anything (mark it Katy @ thislife mag) to Christ Church Centre, 16 Summerley Road, Kenilworth, tel 021 797 6332

Want thislife delivered to your door?

We are FREE but R100 will cover postage & packing for 3 consecutive issues.

Email: thislifemag@gmail.com

COMPETITIONS All competitions in this magazine end 31 January 2015. Really sorry if you’re from afar, but all prizes need to be picked up in Cape Town! Normal SMS rates apply (so sorry, free SMSes won’t work) THE BORING BUT TRUE BIT: Please note that all our prizes, including any physical activities, are undertaken entirely at your own risk: we can’t accept any liability whatsoever for any damage or loss you may incur. Also, we may use your name in the next issue of thislife or other channels for publicity purposes.

By entering any thislife competition, you accept these terms

2

thislife.org.za | issue 11

Is it a selfie, an ussie or a we-we? We reckon thislife’s board members don’t have a clue…

Hello...

and welcome to thislife magazine!

DO YOU REGULARLY THINK of strangling your mother?

You’re not alone. My daughter does, too. The clash of the generations is unending, but the good news is that it can be downgraded from world war to regional revolt. If you’re having interesting times with Mumsy, head straight to p10 for advice.

Something good might just transpire, like aforementioned daughter’s recent lightbulb moment: ‘So you don’t give me advice just to annoy me?’

Mothers are usually all too predictable, but life isn’t. It can get so tough at times that it hurts even to breathe. Garry von Bratt and his son Nick were estranged from each other for nearly 14 years.

Jerome George ended up on the streets because life just kept dealing him dreadful cards. It’s highly unlikely to be different for the women who ply their trade on Kenilworth Main Road.

Others of us are caught in far less dramatic traps, yet caught nonetheless. Some are trapped in a devastating dieting cycle that leaves them defeated and hopeless. If this is you, turn to p20 for advice by two local experts on how to make friends with your food. Don’t let this blight your life!

The thread linking all these stories is Him Upstairs. The people we interview and ask to write for us are all spurred on by their love for God and the relief they believe He brings, even as life’s storms continue to rage. We hope you like what you read.

Relax and enjoy!

Katy Macdonald, Ed

Yet there is hope. Jerome is now in regular employment. Emma Brewster, who walks alongside the Kenilworth prostitutes, tells of one she befriended who escaped her circumstances and is finally living a free and joyful life. The von Bratts are now reconciled, and while they still trip up, they’re determined to build a relationship that works.

PS In case you’re wondering,

thislife is anchored by a cool group

of Anglican churches in Cape Town (www.stjohnsparish.org.za)

PPS Thank you to those who write to us – we love it. Contact us any

time on thislifemag@gmail.com – gripes included!

Want another copy of thislife ?

Go to

Go to thislife magazine and ‘like’ us to receive our local living posts – humour, food, great photos of Cape Town – and sometimes something a bit more profound!

www.thislife.org.za for our distribution details

CONTACT US: thislifemag@gmail.com TO ADVERTISE WITH US contact Rebecca on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or 072 802 7022 Other options: click on www.thislife.org.za or ask for Linda on 021 797 6332

OUR TEAM: Editor Katy Macdonald | Picture/Production editor Tonya Hester | Writers Jean Alfeld, Pam Bailie, Susan Bentley, Bronwen Bowmer Designer Stevie de Wit | Additional layout Simone Potter | Advertising/marketing/distribution Rebecca Parry | Prayer support Mary Holgate Board Brian Burnett, Duncan McLea, Katy Macdonald, Angie Tate, Cindy Webber thislife.org.za | issue 11

3

locallife

Local living

What’s good in your neighbourhood?

Let us know on thislifemag@gmail.com

what’s hot in cape town?

clothes with a conscience…

Consider this, dear friends. With one little swipe of your credit card, you can buy funky, environmentally-friendly clothing while helping a vulnerable rural child. All the offerings at Home Brewed, in Claremont’s small-but-popular Palmyra Junction, have a different and distinctly South African twist, making them a win for Christmas presents − especially those destined for homesick South Africans shivering under their northern hemisphere pine trees.

Made in small factories in Cape Town, using only ‘green’ fabric and ink, there’s something here for newborn babes right up to those enjoying their second childhood.

Home Brewed has adopted Big Tree Foundation, a charity providing school uniforms and supplies to children in the Cape winelands. Supported by heavyweights such as former Springbok captain Tiaan Strauss, Big Tree aims to spare rural children the embarrassment and discomfort of threadbare or ill-fitting uniform and shoes. 5% of the shop’s profits go towards this initiative.

Home Brewed,

Palmyra Junction Shopping Centre, Claremont: 082 435 5669, www.homebrewed.co.za. Open Monday to Saturday: 9am to 6pm, Sunday: 9am to 2pm. Want to know more about Big Tree Foundation? Go to www.bigtree.org.za

Troy Davies

social cinema…

Movies under the Kirstenbosch stars: not altogether unpleasant on a Wednesday night 4

thislife.org.za | issue 11

Buy a t-shirt, help a child: consider Home Brewed for your next retail therapy session Woohoo, Kirstenbosch nightlife is no longer limited to those prepared to squish their derrières onto a tiny patch of grass at those summer concerts. On Wednesday evenings all summer long, a vast screen in the gardens offers a distinctly more expansive experience, screening cinematic classics under the stars: try Monty Python, Bridget Jones’ Diary and Singing in the Rain, or maybe you’d prefer a BBC wildlife documentary? You have to hire their rugs and backrests, but you can bring your own picnic or frequent the ad-hoc ‘market’ of artisanal food, coffee, wine and craft beers.

Go to www.thegalileo.co.za for the summer’s schedule, FAQs and to buy tickets. Advance booking recommended since tickets usually sell out. Remaining tickets sold at the gate on the night.

locallife

Living it up in...

So you thought Sea Point was past its prime, an uninspiring mélange of flats, clubs and ageing restaurants? Think again, people. Since the World Cup stadium was unleashed on a dubious Cape Town, Sea Point and its neighbouring ’burbs have been revamped to a jolly good summer’s alternative to the beach and mountain…

Sea Point

Tonya Hester

cycle...

eat...

Cycling in Sea Point: one of life’s great carbon-free pleasures

Sea Point: the details Bike hire: www.upcycles.co.za, 076 135 2223, or just turn up at their stand at the Sea Point Pavilion, next to the Sea Point Pool. Reduced rates for the last hour before sunset

swim/gym...

Still craving endorphins? Take the plunge into Sea Point’s iconic Olympic-sized pool perched on the edge of the ocean, or flex those muscles on the free outside mini-gym. Instructions on every machine at the latter will enable you to look as if you’ve been training there for years…

shop...

WIN !

Russell Smith

Watch out foodie chains, there’s a new kid on the block that’s going to give you a run for your money. Nü Health Food Café has jetted in from Jozi to Sea Point and its claim is ‘the freshest global trends using the finest local produce’. What does this mean in practice? The same fresh salads/ wraps/juices high in raw ingredients that you can get elsewhere, 8 for but… the chicken 0 8 3 3 NU to 0 S 0 4 M is free range R S Simply ance to win a ide w h Nü’s red quinoa salad (deconstructed) n from Elgin, c o r ti u na yo r at Nü the bread vouche baked in Woodstock hearth ovens and the coffee (good) ‘handroasted by people committed to fair trade’. Décor a d.co. z o o is clean and funky Scandinavian-ish so it all makes you f u w w w.n e nds n feel rather happening, darling. After all that healthiness, o ti ti e Comp uar y 2015 how about a little shot as a digestif? Well yes, as long as n a J 31 you can stomach one made from wheatgrass…

Anyone for exercise? Generate endorphins without jarring a joint on a comfy upright bicycle imported from Holland. Grab it from Up Cycles at the Sea Point Pavilion and bowl along the promenade with the wind in your hair. Not keen on the windswept look? Ride along the coast instead and enjoy a day on the beach, or make your way via Green Point Park’s cycling paths to the Waterfront or the CBD (Sundays work best). Up Cycles, Cape Town’s first drop-and-go bike rental company, has bikes for the whole family and the added bonus that you can pick them up or drop them at the Waterfront (Clock Tower Square) or in central Cape Town (Mandela Rhodes Place). Locks provided (we all gotta be realistic).

Nü Health Food Café: open every day, closes 7pm (6pm on Sundays), Piazza St John, 395 Main Road, Sea Point, 021 439 7269, www.nufood.co.za 925 The Showroom: 399 Main Road, Sea Point, 021 434 8773, www.925.co.za and www.925theshowroom.blogspot.com

Bang next door to Café Nü is 925 The Showroom, sporting a genuinely alluring array of gifts — or self-gifts for those times when only retail therapy will do. Local pottery, arty thingies and perennial favourites (the good old photo frame, et al) are all present for your perusal. The range of pretty cool jewellery includes bits and bobs to which even the humblest of wallets can aspire.

Outdoor gym: find it on the grass near the Shell garage end of Beach Road, Sea Point. Open 24 hours a day!

Sea Point Pool: open all year round, summer 7am to 7pm, winter 9am to 5pm, 021 434 3341, Beach Road, Sea Point

thislife.org.za | issue 11

5

sportymoment

queen

6

thislife.org.za | issue 10

She reached dizzy sporting heights riding for SA at the London Olympics, but IT consultant Jo van de Winkel disliked school sport and only took up cycling to please her husband

Cheryl van Lingen Studio C

of grit

sportymoment JO VAN DE WINKEL (32) grew up as one of four children in an arty family in Pietermaritzburg and enjoyed very little about school sport. A UCT scholarship brought her to the Cape, where she discovered a passion for rock climbing and hiking while scaling a first-class degree in electrical engineering. Moving on to Johannesburg to start a career in IT consulting, she met and married Belgian economist Tijl, who lured her onto a bicycle. A love affair with cycling was soon to follow and, within four years, Jo was setting off for London 2012 with fellow cyclists Robyn De Groot and Ashleigh Moolman. Bad luck and a fall resulted in her finishing in 28th place, but she lived to see another day and a year later gave birth to her son Sam (1). Here, Jo reflects on her drive to succeed and the transition from sporting top dog to a career and motherhood

h

ow competitive are you? I used to work so hard my parents had to encourage me to have a social life – I’m very competitive! But this drive doesn’t come without issues: I suffered from stress as a child, afraid of not getting top marks.

Discovering rock climbing and other sports at UCT, however, changed me. I still wanted to achieve great things, but sport helped me deal with the stress and pressure of it. It cleared my mind, gave me perspective and always made me happy. I also discovered that after exercise I only needed a fraction of the study time to get the same results.

How did Tijl get you into cycling? I thought cycling took up way too much time and didn’t understand why someone would cycle on busy roads, so I discouraged Tijl from doing it. He gave it up for me for a year, then slowly tried to encourage me to cycle socially with him. Since there were no real mountains to climb in Jo’burg, I eventually relented.

Tijl always motivated me and stayed with me when I was struggling to keep up, but soon I wasn’t willing to settle for him and his mates beating me! Within six months I was getting up daily at 4am in the dark and cold to train before my nine-hour working day.

London 2012? Huge highs, huge lows. I went into the Games hugely motivated and excited, honoured to be representing my country and believing we could pull off something special as a team. The support was deafening as we rode our warmup lap past Buckingham Palace: even Tijl’s 88-year-old Belgian gran was there, cheering for SA! My job was to follow any initial breaks upfront so that Ashleigh could conserve energy for the final sprint by slipstreaming in the main bunch.

It started raining heavily and unfortunately my co-cyclist Robyn was caught in a crash in front of me. I reacted too quickly, uncleating my feet from the pedals so that I didn’t fall too. Having wasted precious time, I made a high-speed dash for a side gap, not realizing a Brazilian girl had had the same idea. I was by far the smaller opponent and had a painful, gravelly landing. I jumped back on my bike again, only to realise my chain had come off!

My Olympic dreams and hopes were disappearing before my eyes, but I’d promised myself I wouldn’t give up so I started out again on a misty descent with the rain stinging my leg wound. I caught up with Ash, who was riding an amazing race upfront and staying calm despite not knowing what had happened to her teammates!

In the chaos, three top riders managed to escape from the rest of the bunch. Despite our attempts to chase them down while others in their teams tried to stop us, it came down to a smaller bunch sprint for 4th place. Ash ended up coming 16th

and I came 28th out of the 75 Olympians. We walked through a line of media back to our tent, witnessing some girls crying with disappointment, others with happiness.

So many dreams and expectations over in what felt like the blink of an eye! But that’s the Olympic experience. And so we become stronger and more experienced as a nation – a few more years of hard work and support and I believe an Olympic medal is beckoning for South Africa!

How to achieve a dream? Dreams don’t often happen by chance. Getting there is rarely easy, but the more you have to push yourself, the greater the reward generally is.

How did the Olympics prepare you for motherhood?

When you push yourself to the limit, you learn a lot about yourself and how you cope with stress, pressure and lack of sleep. It taught me perseverance. I was not worried about childbirth because I knew mentally how to deal with pain!

Motherhood’s similar to cycling with its highs and lows, hard work, sacrifices and rewards. I do miss the freedom of being out on my bike and the adventure of travelling, but there’s a time and place for everything.

Which is harder? Both are hard and both rewarding. Cycling at least had rest periods and time for yourself which I don’t always get as a mother! I loved my time as a professional cyclist, and I do miss being on my bike. I have thought of trying to qualify for the next Olympics, but at this stage of my life my son needs my time and attention. Maybe in the future I will race again!

The return to the office after your sporting high? Going back to work was a bit of a letdown: from ‘celebrity’ to ‘just another employee’. No recognition for all the hard work, pressure, sacrifices, pain and extreme highs and lows. An office job is easier than a sporting career but, as in cycling, I take up the challenge to go beyond what’s expected.

Why God? He makes me whole, gives purpose to my life, provides strength in hard times and loves me unconditionally.

God got me through the tough times; when I was doubting myself, I’d remember the verse: ‘I can do all things through

Christ who strengthens me’ (Philippians 4:13).

How God? Through prayer and witnessing the beauty around me. I always feel closer to Him when I’m cycling through beautiful surroundings.

Guilty pleasure? Too much dark chocolate.

Most irritating habit? I like being right!

this page proudly sponsored by Neville Wellington, Charlie Miller and Eric Kok

thislife.org.za | issue 11

7

coolstories

I’ll never

look back

JEROME GEORGE (26) was born in Cape Town and educated at Jan

van Riebeeck Primary School in Cape Town, where his mother worked as a cleaner. She died when he was 12 and shortly thereafter his father sent him to Oudtshoorn to live with family members. At 16 he moved back to Cape Town to stay with relatives in Mitchell’s Plain. Here he tells how he ended up living on the streets, but finally managed to claw his way out of his situation to live a life of purpose and dignity…

When I moved to live with my uncle and aunt in Mitchell’s Plain, there was a lot of unstableness there. My aunt and uncle drank a lot and I was drinking then too.

They were partying all the time. On a few occasions they were drunk and I was drunk, and then we fought and they put me out for no real reason.

One Friday night, my uncle came back from work already drunk and I don’t know why, but he beat me up and kicked me out. I thought to myself, ‘Enough is enough. I’m going to look after myself and see what’s out there.’

I slept on the streets for a while, there in Mitchell’s Plain. At the beginning I’d sleep by the police station or the train station, because I didn’t really know what I must do. In some ways, you’re kind of free. You sleep here one night, there another night. Sometimes you make friends on the street, nice people, and they say it’s fine, you can sleep there by them.

pickaxe Then one day a guy directed me to The Ark in Eerste River. It’s like a shelter, but you don’t have to pay. I was under age and still had a black eye from when my uncle beat me up, so they took me in. I was about 17 at the time.

Maybe my aunt and them in Oudtshoorn would’ve taken me in, but by that time I had made up my mind to make a life for myself in Cape Town.

After maybe a year at The Ark, I decided to go back to Mitchell’s Plain. I thought that it would have calmed down. When I got there, my uncle and aunt were sitting drinking with friends and I went and sat on the couch with them, but my uncle just got up, walked out and came back with a pickaxe handle. He hit

8

thislife.org.za | issue 11

me with it, out of the blue, in front of all his friends. According to him I’d said something to him or I’d looked at him funny or something, so he gave me one across the arm. My arm felt totally lame. I thought to myself, ‘No, this is not right.’ I thought I might even get killed there. I was scared and very upset by the whole thing. I knew I could survive on the street so, that same night, I left again.

I couldn’t go back to The Ark immediately.

They do take people back, but not straightaway, so I walked around, looking for casual jobs. I have an aunt in Grassy Park and I stayed with her a few times. She built me up a lot, but she also said I couldn’t stay there.

I slept wherever, usually moving around so the police wouldn’t bother me.

Then I got a casual job in Parow and stayed out there for a while. Someone told my father where I was working and he came round to see me once, but then he disappeared again.

I lived in a shelter in Woodstock for a while, but when my contract ended I was forced to move out as it cost R20 a night. It was back to the streets again. But I was in a good place, on the right track. The idea of being out there on my own was scary, but I was determined to stay on the good track that I was on.

encouraged After a while, I went back to The Ark. At The Ark they tell you not to worry about the family who don’t want you back or about the friends that party. When I stayed there the first time, they encouraged me to look to God for help and to stay away from bad friends and all that. They tell you, ‘Don’t look back, just look forward and everything will work out.’ This

started off a kind of process with God in me.

During my second time at The Ark I realised who God really is. I now know that if there’s no one for you, there’s one person who will never turn His back on you and that’s the Lord. You can’t do it on your own! I made a commitment to Him and, since that time, I’ve never looked back.

puppy While I was at The Ark, I came across a street sweeper organisation and I got in and did that for a while. I worked myself up and became a foreman. Eventually, they recommended me to U-turn, which helps the homeless. They get to know street people – who they are and why they’re on the street. Then they help you rehabilitate, training you in life skills and putting you in different work teams. Finally, they help you get steady employment and a place to stay. I’ve been through the programmes and I’m now a driver for their laundry team. I work a full day, from 8:30 to 5, mostly driving around, doing deliveries and pickups. I like my job.

I’ve moved out of the shelter and live on my own in a granny flat in Diep River. Well, not completely on my own: I have a puppy called Rex! I found him one day while we were busy cleaning graffiti walls in Valhalla. He was just sitting there on the corner and I asked his owner if I could buy him from her. She said, ‘Why don’t you just take him?’ so I did. He comes to work with me a lot so everyone at U-turn knows and loves him.

I’m happy with my life now. I feel all these things happened for a reason and I give all the glory to God. Without his love and power, I won’t make it.’

Tonya Hester

coolstories

Off the streets and into a job: Jerome George and puppy Rex both have a U-turn to celebrate

this page proudly sponsored by Dorrington Jessop Incorporated Attorneys Contact Barry Jessop: barry@dorringtonjessop.co.za

thislife.org.za | issue 11

9

personallife

Tonya Hester

I love my mother, but...

s

Feel like strangling your mother on a regular basis? You’re not alone. While others always seem to have such reasonable parents compared to yours, the fact is that conflict with those we know so intimately is virtually inevitable for us all. So what should we do when Mother Dearest nags incessantly, panics needlessly or expresses her opinion with all the subtlety of a weapon of mass destruction? Family therapist Dr Linda Mintle has a few thoughts…

omething profound connects a daughter to the woman who responded to her cries in the night, changed her nappies, coaxed her into her first steps, acted as paramedic, went head to head with her over a thousand teenage issues, and prayed constantly for her protection. As the daughter grows, her craving for autonomy increases, but the need for connection with Mom remains.

Ideally, this primary mother-daughter bond grows in intimacy over the years. In reality, most of us struggle to find balance in our emotional relationship with our mother.

Maturity means coming to terms with the fact that we are still our mothers’ daughters. Don’t be afraid of this thought. Being your mother’s daughter doesn’t ultimately define you. However, it does influence who you are and your choice of life partner.

10 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Finding a balance between our individuality and our intimate connection with Mom takes some work. It requires getting a good handle on who we are in the relationship and not just focusing on how crazy she ‘makes’ us feel. In fact, it’s healthy to admit that we are like her in some ways. Maybe that’s why we butt heads so often!

The real challenge then is how to deal with our differences. How do two women, so alike and yet so unique, manage to get along? The answer begins with identity. The more we have developed our own ‘I’ and know who we are, the healthier we’ll be when interacting with our mothers. Do you know what you think, feel and believe to be true, regardless of what she says? Can you voice your thoughts and feelings openly? Or are you easily influenced by her and uncertain as to what you believe?

Many of us never really develop a sense of identity separate from Mom

!

WIN Out’ treatment

personallife

e A 2.5 hour ‘Tim a, Cape Town!

Sp go ink G y an at

(or others). Consequently, we

pa.com w w w.gingkos carry that undefined self into our O to 33808 KG IN G S relationships.

When this happens, Simply SM to win for your chance problems emerge.

We have difficulty ds Competition en finding balance between who we are 15 20 y 31 Januar

and the demands of others.

When a woman hasn’t developed a sense of self apart from her mother, she usually operates from one of two extremes. Either she uses distance, both physical and emotional, to cope with relationship problems or she becomes excessively close to and dependent on Mom. And the smallest conflict becomes a blow-up because she hasn’t learned to establish appropriate boundaries or assert herself in relationships.

So what does it mean to take an ‘I’ position? Simply put, it means being true to self while relating to others. You can have your own opinions and behave in ways you know to be right, yet still love and relate to other people like your mom. You decide what’s right and true for you without becoming defensive and emotional. It’s important to work on intimacy because it is every mother’s and daughter’s desire to be known and appreciated by the other. It’s also a sign of your maturity when you can think, feel and behave according to your own beliefs without just reacting to emotional triggers from others.

Our task then, as adult daughters, is to balance our need for intimacy with our need to be autonomous. As we continue to develop a better sense of ourselves, we can begin to sort out our needs versus Mom’s and be less reactive to her.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a mother whose identity is firm and certain. Today, begin to build a legacy for your children. It’s never too late to love, honour and connect with your mother.

Teach by doing. Develop the ‘I’ in ‘you’, because a mother who knows who she is passes that legacy on to her own children.

10 tips for separating from Mother without melodrama 1.

Don’t try to always have your mother on your side. Stop looking for her validation and develop your own

2.

Be open to your mother’s feedback. If she is giving you good advice, listen to her and be open to change

3.

Don’t underestimate your mom’s reaction when you disagree.

She may react negatively to your individual expression, especially if you are breaking a pattern from the past, so be ready to feel uncomfortable. Hold your ground anyway

4.

Question your overly intense reactions. Why do you get so upset?

Can you admit when you’re wrong or when she gives helpful advice? Lose that stubborn attitude

5.

Take a ‘time-out’. If, when you confront your mother, she is overly critical, verbally abusive or controlling, take a ‘time-out’ and allow both of you to cool down. Try again when you’re both calmer

6.

Deal with one issue at a time. If there are multiple problems, begin with a minor one and build success in solving it. Gradually move on to more difficult issues

7.

Express yourself in a letter. This helps to organise your thoughts and allows you to practise what to say about an emotional issue

8.

Change your routine. If you feel you need space, change your routine so contact isn’t such an obligation or expectation. If Mom asks why, tell her nothing is wrong, you just have personal things to do

9.

Decide how you feel about important issues. Think for yourself. Be honest. Don’t allow Mom to tell you how to feel

10. Take responsibility for your own beliefs, actions and feelings. Stop

waiting for her approval and don’t blame her for everything you do

And if it’s probably never going to work?

Rebecca Parry, a clinical psychologist in Cape Town, writes: WHAT IF your mother-daughter relationship can probably never be properly repaired? Your mother may not be alive or she may be battling a difficult marriage, an addiction or a mental health condition like depression, anxiety or a personality disorder. She may be manipulative or absent in your life. This can amount to a profound sense of loss, akin to bereavement. The grieving is for ‘the mother I needed but never had’, and can occur while your mother is still living or after she’s died.

Ways to grieve the mother you never had: • Realise you may only be able to get ‘so far’ in the relationship • Learn to say no without feeling guilty (and take better care of yourself) • Develop healthy mother substitutes • If your mother has died, writing letters to her can still help you come to terms with the relationship (just don’t expect a reply…)

• Accept that your experience of your mother may differ significantly from the experiences of others in your family

• Seek the support of a friend, mentor, support group and/or professional counsellor when you need it, like before spending extended time with your mother (and afterwards to debrief) • Enjoy life...even in the midst of a less-than-ideal mother- daughter relationship •

Read about loss and co-dependency. Try ‘Co-dependent No More’ by Melody Beattie or ‘The Twelve Steps – a Spiritual Journey’, which is a working guide for healing damaged emotions

Want more insight?

Read ‘I love my mother, but’ by Dr Linda Mintle, a clinical social worker and assistant professor at Eastern Virginia Medical School. Visit her website, www.drlindamintle.com, or read her blogs at www.beliefnet.com

I love my mother, but... ...she still writes me letters all the way from New Zealand and refuses to use email even though it would make contact SO much easier!

(Phil, geologist, 58)

...she tries to take major decisions about my life even though I’m nearly 50!

(Veronica, domestic worker, 47)

...her definition of whining isn’t always accurate!

(Angie, student, 22)

…she focuses on the worst-case scenario! I know she’s trying to protect me but I’d prefer her to be more optimistic (Melissa, fashion designer, 27)

...her idea of a study schedule is very different to mine

this page proudly sponsored by Andrew and Priska Newham

(Ross, schoolboy, 16)

thislife.org.za | issue 11

11

worklife

A day in the

life of...

Marlese von Broembsen, UCT senior law lecturer

MARLESE was born and raised in Pretoria, but after

m

Students today care more, says social justice lawyer Marlese

y day starts at 6.45am with a cup of green tea and honey. I reckon the antioxidants in the tea cancel out the caffeine in my coffee later on! Most mornings, I start the day as most mothers do − making school lunches.

My husband says I should do a one-size-fitsall, but I end up pandering to the kids’ different tastes. In summer, I then manage 20 minutes on the balcony and spend most of it journalling.

This puts me in touch with myself, and helps me live more creatively.

I drive to UCT and, on Mondays, have a special start to my day, running through Newlands Forest with colleagues. How many places are there in the world where one can park at work and access a forest in five minutes?

Much of my day is spent at my office computer, researching for articles or preparing for lectures. I also supervise students as they write their 25 000-word dissertations. My colleagues and I are seeing an encouraging shift in students. Five to ten years ago, they were mostly concerned with getting ahead and earning a good salary. Now many are concerned about being responsible citizens, environmentally and socially. Historically, revolutionary ideas have often started at universities around the world, so I’m deeply inspired by this new generation of students who care about our country and all its challenges.

The area I’m most passionate about is work – the fact that many South Africans are excluded from the labour market, paid a pittance and have insecure jobs. Globally, full-time employment contracts are being

12 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Patrick King

living for many years in the shadow of Table Mountain, she now calls herself a Capetonian. Marlese is the convenor of an inter-disciplinary master’s programme in Social Justice offered by the law faculty at UCT. She lives in Hout Bay with her husband Deon, a commercial attorney, and their son Kyle (17) and daughter Ami (14).

Here she describes a typical working day… replaced by casual or part-time work, or outsourced in ways we would have found morally repugnant before. For example, the car guard at our local school used to be paid as a full-time employee, but is now only employed on a contract basis. This means that during school holidays, the security company has no obligation to find him other work or to pay him. It’s cheaper for the company, but it means he stresses all year about his family’s needs during months of no income. His letter of employment even states that he has to buy his own uniform and boots!

stress Last year, I was invited to join a group of 14 lawyers in Ahmedabad, India, to work on a global project discussing workers who have no legal protection. We each started our visit by living with an informal worker in their home and I stayed in a slum with Lilaben who sells onions and potatoes. It was life-changing for me. She lives in a four-by-two-metre room in which she and her daughter cook, live and sleep. It was quite a thing to sleep on tiled floors and I have to admit I resorted to sleeping pills! I’m used to informal settlements, but it was eye-opening to live with someone for every minute of her day and to hear how she processes her life. I was struck by how hard she worked – 14-hour days for so little money – and how much stress she endured, with police confiscating goods and the city providing no infrastructure for traders.

When things get tough, Earl Grey tea and a chocolate are my saving grace! A tradition

I prize is a weekly walk on Constantia Nek or the beach with Deon, followed by a chat over a glass of wine and a garlic focaccia at our favourite Italian restaurant. It helps us stay in touch on a weekly basis with the larger issues in our lives: our dreams, ways in which we can enlarge our lives and the risks and fears that stop us from living authentically.

Once a month, we try to get away as a family to our cottage in the Cederberg. There’s no electricity so it’s all about board games, reading and hiking. Our teens are reluctant to go without friends, so Deon and I have caved in and most weekends we have four children with us!

Before going to sleep, I try to do a ‘review of the day’ spiritual exercise which was conceived centuries ago by St Ignatius. I re-imagine aspects of the day and, instead of judging myself, I notice where I experienced God’s presence (sometimes just in a hug or a rainbow) and try to learn to be more present to Him, to myself and to the experiences of the day that’s passed. When I do this regularly it makes a big difference to how I live, helping me be more conscious of God in my life.’

Marlese in 10 secs...

Likes: water sports, trail running, spending time with people who see the world differently to me Dislikes: motorists who don’t say thank you when I let them in, people underpaying domestic workers and gardeners Obsession: trying to move from a paper diary to an electronic one!

this page proudly sponsored by Liesel and George van Niekerk

advertise

thislife.org.za | issue 10

13

ourlives

father

After 14 years of living on different sides of the world with virtually no contact, father and son Garry and Nick von Bratt have reconnected. Here, each tells his side of an extraordinary story...

14 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Tonya Hester

the prodigal

ourlives Building and electrical project manager Garry von Bratt (50)

grew up in Port Elizabeth, the eldest of three children. His father worked in the technical and management sides of General Motors and his mother ran a hairdressing salon. Garry boarded at Port Rex Technical High School from the age of 13. His son, Nick, was born when he was 21, and he was divorced from Nick’s mother a few years later. He is now married to Nicky, an estate agent, and they have a seven-year-old son called Jack

i

had a very strict upbringing. My father’s word was law. I was the first child and he placed responsibility on me very early. I now realise this was to protect me, making me consider possible consequences before doing anything, and this has stood me in very good stead in life. However, I was always getting into trouble and grew up with the perception that I had been a very naughty child. I now believe that I was looking for signs of validation and that he was proud of me.

I love my father to bits and have the utmost respect for him. He’d make me boomerangs, the best kites and many other toys as his way of showing affection.

However, a barrier developed between him and me and, though my mother was much more openly affectionate, I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and asked to board at the age of 13.

After school, I spent 10 years in the Air Force as a helicopter maintenance technician, during which time I met Nick’s mother, Jill, through a mutual friend. Due to our own innocence, immaturity and being foolhardy, Jill fell pregnant. We initially thought we’d bring up the baby together without forcing marriage on each other, but due to various factors, including the looming financial implications, we decided to make a go of it as best we could. We got married in Jill’s third trimester. I was 21 and she was 19. At this stage we hardly knew anything about life, let alone about being married or bringing up children.

temper Nick was an absolute blessing as a child and adored by all, but finances were severely strained at the time. I had an explosive temper and could flare up instantly and I was verbally abusive towards Jill whenever stressful situations occurred. Nick was still very young when we got divorced, driven by Jill. After our divorce, I had Nick at my place every other weekend and holiday. It was traumatic for both Nick and me to part at the end of the weekends. This lasted about six years until, in the early 90s, Jill decided to move to England. South Africa wasn’t predictable at that time and, much as I knew this would hurt, I didn’t want to stand in Nick’s way because I thought he’d get better schooling there. He was 10 when I saw him off at the airport with a huge lump in my throat, knowing I had no

guarantee of seeing him again. I was very sad and coped by throwing myself into my work.

I phoned Nick periodically, but communications broke down through my own fault.

Having to speak to Jill first to get through to Nick was traumatic and chatting to him felt unnatural and forced. I wrote a couple of letters, but it seems they rarely got to him.

domineering Looking back, I resented Jill for years for separating me from Nick and I have had to go through a whole process of forgiving her. I was so angry at being cut off from Nick, but I now see that in Jill’s mind, she was protecting him. In hindsight I think she did the right thing.

I was an angry, domineering person, with a coarse tongue from being in the military, and I would have done far more damage to Nick if we’d stayed together.

I was married to my second wife, Tania, for five years after a five-year engagement.

She would say, ‘Why don’t you contact Nick?’ and, later on, so did my third wife, Nicky. But for me it was a Pandora’s box I wanted to bury in order to function: there was just so much pain associated with the whole scenario.

The anger festered within me. There was no outlet for it and my marriage with Tania deteriorated. I couldn’t be there emotionally for her. I was going to church more regularly, trying to be a model husband, but I was just going through the motions. I had grown up a Catholic and had always believed in God, but never had a compelling relationship with Him. I don’t think He was getting through to me.

We tried counselling but it was too little, too late and our marriage ended with an amicable divorce.

By the time Nick was 13, we were virtually out of contact. I might call him on his birthday or at Christmas, but some years I didn’t even do that, though I always remembered his birthday. Around this time, Nick changed his name and took on his stepfather’s surname which hurt me a lot, even though I was the one to blame as I hadn’t maintained contact. My sister sent me photos and told me little stories about him and, when my parents went to England and brought back photos of this tall kid, I was proud: this was my son!

I met Nicky while building stables in Tokai.

She was the type of person I liked, strong

and a Christian, and I loved her extended family. She was trying to get a business going as an interior decorator. We had a lovely wedding at her mother’s place in 2007 and she fell pregnant soon after. Before the wedding, we had discussed our future at length, including our ideas about bringing up children. We had agreed that Nicky would go back to work after six months, but after having Jack she didn’t want to leave him with someone else.

This devastated me and I felt absolutely betrayed. As a builder, I was under huge financial pressure after making a big mistake and underquoting on my first double-storey house. The proverbial wheels fell off with regard to our communication and marriage.

In hindsight, I think Nicky did the right thing because Jack is now so confident and assured of our affection for him, but we argued a lot about it and I continuously felt angry.

In 2008, Nicky’s mother told me I was like a guy called Angus Buchan in a movie called Faith Like Potatoes, who shouted around like me before his character became transformed. I thought, ‘Okay, I’ll have a laugh and go and see it.’ Off I went, but it wasn’t Angus’s character that struck me in the film, rather the tragedy of him losing his nephew.

My loss of Nick hit home. Shortly afterwards, I got a call out of the blue from Nicky’s sister, Julie, to say she and her husband, Ian, had tickets to see Angus, who was now an evangelist, at Newlands Cricket Ground. I said no initially because it was so last minute and on a Friday evening, but in the end I went.

turning point We were just five rows from the front. Sitting there, I felt that there was nothing Angus was saying that I hadn’t heard before, but suddenly he said, ‘I want to be obedient to the Holy Spirit. He’s telling me something right now … there are some fathers and sons in this place tonight … you’re not speaking to your dad and you’re not speaking to your son. God says you must sort that out, if you want to be blessed by Him.’ Later, Angus pointed right at me and I heard him say, ‘You’ve got those children over in London and they don’t even want to speak to you because they’re so sick and tired of you!’

I felt like I’d been hit by a train. I went very cold, burst into tears, got down on my knees and started praying. I still remember my prayer: ‘God, I’m not sure how this will work, thislife.org.za | issue 11

15

ourlives

but I trust that this is a message from you. I’ll do what I can and email Nick every fortnight, whether he replies or not.’ Julie, Ian and I walked out of there in a daze. This was a major spiritual turning point for me. I just knew this was God speaking to the point in my heart where the deepest pain was.

I started writing emails. The first was six pages long, in which I unpacked everything.

I showed it to Nicky and she said, ‘Are you nuts? Just say, “Hello, you’re probably surprised to hear from me, I miss you, you’re my son and I’m sorry for the way things have turned out.”’ So that’s what I did, and two weeks later I sent some pics.

Later Nicky contacted him on Facebook. We heard nothing and I started getting despondent. I prayed, ‘Lord, you told me to do this.

I’m losing heart here. You know me and my history of writing. Something’s got to happen!’

tears A week later, I got a reply. It said something like, ‘Let’s just let bygones be bygones. I forgive you, but life is what it is. I’ll contact you if and when I want to.’ It was very noncommittal, but I burst into tears at the computer, overjoyed. I felt God was orchestrating this and that a sequence of events would happen in which I had to have faith.

© Garry von Bratt

Slowly, a correspondence grew. Then, one day, Nicky sent Nick a message inviting him to stay. His response was overwhelmingly positive. Later, I learnt that half an hour earlier he had been going over his resentment and anger with one of the mentors at a church where he was doing a course and they had prayed forgiveness over me. I know he had lots of anger and it was righteous anger. How could I, his father, abandon him?

I was so happy for all of us, we could now start planning. Jack started getting involved and questioning a lot. Nick arrived in 2011, when Jack was four. I was fine until we started driving to the airport and then I started thinking, ‘How’s this going to go?’ But I also had peace knowing that God had orchestrated it and was giving me a second chance.

On the way, Nicky got a call she simply had to take regarding an offer to purchase a house. It was incredibly important to us at that point as work was slow for me, so she had to drop us off and come back later.

When Nick walked down the corridor, I recognised him straightaway from his pictures.

I knelt down to Jack and said, ‘There he is.’

Jack ran to Nick, who picked him up and gave him a hug and we all hugged together.

It was just amazing. Words can’t really describe the feeling. I felt like a prodigal father, having my son come back to me and giving me a second chance after I’d let him down. Nicky arrived as we were walking out, having just made the sale!

ideals I didn’t know Nick – his ideals, his ambitions – but I got a sense of this well-rounded young man. It was amazing to see how God had worked in his life and he was so much more complete than I was at that age. I know other 24-year-olds and for him to give up his work as he did, and go and study at Jubilee College because he’d felt called by God to do so, just amazed me. Knowing that he had a connection with God made me very proud and helped me feel more positive towards Jill and the way she’d brought him up, even though I still hated the fact that I had been separated from Nick by the divorce.

The 10 days with Nick flew by. We went quad biking and had a nice time, even though he took a tumble and hurt his finger a little.

I’d always dreamed of doing this kind of thing with my son and it was very precious to see him enjoying it and interacting with Jack.

When he left, I was sad.

Generations: young father Garry with his mother, grandmother and baby Nick 16 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Ten days wasn’t enough to really get to know each other, but I knew it wasn’t the last visit and that we’d build a relationship from this. I sent a message via him back to his mother, saying I accepted she’d done the right thing and that, against all the odds she’d had to face, she’d done a remarkable job.

The second time I saw Nick was when he came out to Mpumalanga for a church reunion trip earlier this year and set aside two weeks to come down to us. I’m a member of a fantastic men’s group called GIGM (God’s in a Good Mood), and we all went together on a road trip to an Angus Buchan ‘Mighty Men’ conference in the Karoo. One of our group, who was estranged from his son, came because he wanted to see Nick and I interacting and to hear our story. He’s since reconnected with his son. It was a very special weekend and I don’t think we’ve seen all the fruits of it yet. I think it’s like the layers of an onion and things will be peeled away gradually as time goes on. It was incredible to go there with my friends from church who know about my struggles. My building work is quite lonely and it’s great to have this very close group who support each other on a daily basis if needed.

tolerant Life’s not perfect and I still have anger issues which I feel aren’t the true me. God has revealed that they come from resentments that I’ve carried from my childhood towards people that I perceive to have hurt me, from close family members to clients who haven’t paid me. I’m now praying forgiveness and blessings on them. It feels like a switch has been flipped and I feel more tolerant, more like the father and husband I want to be.

I’m excited to see where this is all still going and I’m feeling truly happy, which I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m learning to be content in times of financial pressure and other struggles too.

I’m so proud of Nick. He’s far more responsible than I ever was. He’s so committed to his relationship with God. His decisions and the way he’s recently approached a new romantic relationship reflect all this.

Since we reconnected, he has changed his surname back to mine. When I heard this, I felt so good, so proud and so grateful to God. Recently I upset Nick by making a silly decision about something and I hurt him.

His response was frank, but it didn’t close down our relationship and we have reconciled. I know that God is working in his life and, finally, I can see God actively working in mine. This gives me great hope and high expectations for the future.’

ourlives NIck von Bratt (28) was born in Cape Town and lived

i

in Edgemead and Kenilworth before he moved to Hampshire in the UK at the age of 11. He now lives in Kent and runs his own construction business

don’t remember being particularly upset about my parents’ divorce, but I was only three at the time! I stayed with my father every other weekend and I remember quite liking to play on the grass at his new house.

I moved into a council flat for my last six months of school and Mum helped with finances and bought me food. Luckily, I’d learnt to cook at a young age. I’ve grown up entertaining and cooking is a real passion of mine. I love the way the enjoyment of food brings people together.

When I left school, I tried office jobs for a couple of years with Dimension Data, a bank and a car-leasing company, but I didn’t really like the flow of office work. I’d worked during school summers for a plumber friend and figured it wasn’t too difficult, so I asked if I could train with him, which I did. Later, I took the qualifying exam.

volatile

Boyhood: Nick shortly before moving to the UK My mum remarried, but it didn’t work out and we moved to the UK. Initially I had contact with my dad by phone and letter, but this soon ended. I wrote letters, but as far as I’m aware he didn’t receive them and somehow I also didn’t receive things he’d posted. Maybe it was the SA postal service! For all the birthdays and Christmases I spent in England, I think I just got one letter from him – via an aunt who physically handed it to me.

I thought Dad wasn’t interested and became very, very angry. I was so hurt that I even changed my surname to my stepfather’s. I’d have been happy never to see my father again.

My mum remarried again and had Mikhaila, who was 12 years younger than me. My second stepdad and I didn’t get on at all.

I remember sitting in our house one day, thinking, ‘It’s either him or me.’ I knew if I asked my mum to leave him, my half-sister would be stuck without a father, so I left home. My mother agreed it was in my best interests. I was 17.

My South African grandparents came to the UK to visit at that point and my grandad showed me pictures of my dad and asked if I’d consider writing a letter to him. I refused, point blank. My aunt told me my dad had remarried and I had a half-brother called Jack. I said, ‘That’s nice’, but inside I didn’t even want to think about it. I felt resentment towards Jack, but also some measure of concern for him. In my head, my dad was a distant guy who didn’t care and I thought, ‘I hope it doesn’t end up for Jack as it has for me.’

I made sure I went back that evening and, for the next couple of months, I went to church twice every Sunday. In the church, I met a guy called John who could see the anguish my relationship with my girlfriend was causing, and that we were at each other’s throats. He suggested I move out and let me stay in his spare room for several months. Living there with John and his wife and son, I started building a friendship with him. We’d have great chats, but I still didn’t fully open up. I think my pain concerning my father had made me mistrustful of relationships with men.

John had a landscaping and decorating business and I had my own business doing plumbing, gas and electrical work so our skill sets complemented each other. We decided to join up and broaden the company’s potential. In time, we learnt each other’s skills and now I can pretty much do most things: doors, windows, painting, decorating, paving.

It was a fantastic time: business boomed, we even had a six-month waiting list at one point.

nudge But in July 2010 I felt another nudge from God, calling me to do a course at a church in Maidstone, Kent, called Year of Training.

Financially it was daunting, but I had some savings, sold my van and did some part-time work which paid for a nine-month course. I had no idea what I’d do afterwards – I didn’t even know much about the course at the time – but I knew I was called to do it. It turned out to have a large focus on leadership and character development, taught from

My gran and my mom invited me to go with them to church. I’d always had a faith from childhood, but it was a pretty immature one and I had turned my back on God from about age 17.

I believed there was a God, but He wasn’t for me as all the experiences I had in life just didn’t add up to me seeing God as caring and loving. I looked for any excuse not to go with Gran to church and even told her I hadn’t showered, but she said, ‘It’s okay, we’ll wait.’ I thought, ‘Oh no, now I’ve got no flipping excuse!’

© Garry von Bratt

© Garry von Bratt

I went out with a girl for about five years at that stage, but it broke up eventually: I was still very angry, with quite a temper. In retrospect, I think my reasons for the relationship were completely wrong. We were both pretty much broken people and I think I was trying to get worth and an identity you can only get from God. Looking back, I realise I felt pretty worthless for years and that each year followed the same cycle: in summer I’d become very volatile and withdrawn. I even remember sitting on a bridge looking at the trains and thinking, ‘Which one should I jump under?’ It was like a spirit of death was hanging over me.

but something kept me moving forward.

About 15 minutes into the service, I believe God spoke to me audibly, saying, ‘Now you’re here, I’m never going to let you go.’ It felt like a bullet between my eyes, a flood of love and affirmation that I hadn’t had in years.

The church was a friendly, modern one in an old converted barn. I felt nervous and felt like walking away,

Garry and his wife Nicky with brothers Nick and Jack this page proudly sponsored by Natural Herbs & Spices, www.naturalherbsandspices.com, contact: 021 510 8339 or info@naturalherbsandspices.com

thislife.org.za | issue 11

17

ourlives

biblical principles. One of the things we had to do was set up a professional fashion show with no budget. We students not only had to run it, but had to walk out on a stage too!

In the middle of 2010 I got an email out of the blue from my dad, wanting to make contact.

Initially, I felt a mixture of anger and outrage that he dared to contact me after all those years of nothing, to expect me to want to start up a conversation now. But after sitting a while and processing the email, I wrote back – although keeping him at arms’ length, which felt like the safe thing for me at the time. Then Dad’s wife, Nicky, started to contact me a bit on Facebook and show me family pics.

I still felt pretty detached from them.

breakthrough Even though I’d been back in church for about two years, had prayed through things and forgiven Dad in my head for stuff he’d done, I started to realise that I still held resentment for stuff he hadn’t done, like being there to provide for me, play with me, watch rugby with me and just be a dad. One of the things we did on the church course was regularly pray through family hurts. One day, I finally felt able to pray a blessing over him and that was a breakthrough for me − I don’t think you can really do this if you’re still resentful.

Within 20 minutes, I got a message on Facebook from Nicky saying, ‘We’d love to pay for you to come over and meet Jack and me, and reconnect.’ To me, this was so clearly the power of God at work reconnecting me with my dad and working on our relationship which had broken down. It was an enormous shock!

I didn’t reply straightaway, I just wanted to digest things. I was excited, but apprehensive too of how things would pan out, whether it would work and how we would interact.

I had last seen him as an 11-year-old boy and would now be returning to see him as a 24-year-old man. I processed things for a couple of days, speaking to my course leaders, getting advice and guidance and talking things out. Eventually, I said yes and six months later I was on a plane to Cape Town.

I had thought I’d have loads of questions running through my mind, but in fact when I got onto the plane I felt absolute peace and couldn’t think of any unresolved questions.

I think it was a deep peace from God. He had settled any thoughts I had racing around my head.

However, I felt nervous as I got my luggage from the carousel and walked towards the airport doors in Cape Town. As I came through the doors, my half-brother, Jack,

came running up. I’d seen his picture on Facebook and we had already communicated so there was a real tenderness when we saw each other. I pushed my trolley to one side, picked Jack up, walked up to my father and we hugged. It was quite emotional. There was a slight awkwardness because we didn’t know each other, but at the same time there was peace and closeness. People ask how it was seeing each other after 14 years apart and I say it was like meeting an old friend who I’d disconnected with: I still knew him on some level, but we had the huge gap of time apart.

Nicky was waiting in the car and we went to meet her. We went back to my dad’s house in Tokai and the first night we chatted till 3am.

There was so much catching up to do about the 14 years we’d missed, but at the same time there was no pressure. I didn’t feel the need to ask particular questions and we were relaxed. Dad talked about his upbringing, which explained a lot of what had happened between us.

I stayed about a week and a half. The highlights for me were reconnecting with my dad and meeting Jack and Nicky. Growing up, I’d always wanted a brother. I also thought this was a great opportunity to be a positive influence in Jack’s life. We kicked balls together and built up a friendship.

reconnected Going back to the UK after my stay, I realised there were many more miles to walk, but that the groundwork was almost done.

We had something to build on. I felt relieved that the trip had gone well, I felt happier as a person and the very sore point with my dad had finally gone: we had finally reconnected.

© Garry von Bratt

I started doing a second year in the training centre, but I was stretching myself too thin in many ways, including financially, to carry on.

The church pointed this out to me and I felt pretty offended at the time, but looking back it was for the best.

Brothers: Nick and Jack at a Kalk Bay restaurant on Nick’s first visit back to South Africa in 14 years 18 thislife.org.za | issue 11

After working for a while for a charity that recycles computers to send out to children in Africa, I’m now back working for myself in the construction business. I’m content with my life and the direction it’s going in.

I do know I still have to overcome my fear of trusting men – even recently, it stopped me having a business meeting. I need to overcome this fear so I can help my future kids, or other people around me, to overcome their own fears and not be crippled like I have been by mine. I need to be aware of my problems and the steps I need to take and

ourlives

I need to open myself up to constructive criticism from trusted people who have more experience and have my best interests at heart. It’s a delicate area for me because of my past relationships with my dad and stepfathers, but ultimately I remember I’m God’s son – loved and part of His family.

The spirit of death that I had when I wanted to jump under that train is with me no longer. I’ve prayed over it and cut if off. I don’t have painful memories, God has healed them. Obviously I’ve got to be on my guard when I do get married and become a father though. I know it’s easy to say, and that it will take diligence and work along with faith in God for his guidance, but I believe a negative fatherly role model is not going to follow me into my future family.

forgiveness Around the time that I prayed forgiveness over my father, these specific words came to me: ‘He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the hearts of the children to their parents.’ They turned out to be from the book of Malachi and it’s the very last verse of the Old Testament. This verse is a very personal one for me because it has so clearly happened in my life and now there is nothing I will let come in the way of my relationship with my dad. I love him and nothing will ever change that.

There’s a verse in the Bible that says, ‘For I am convinced that

neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’

This is how I feel about my dad too.’

thislife.org.za | issue 11

19

medicalmoment

the psychology of dieting:

fix your

relationship

Tonya Hester

with food!

Caught in a dieting trap? Don’t despair. Do things right and you can lose weight permanently and liberate yourself from yo-yo dieting for life!

Ronel de Villiers, clinical psychologist ‘Dieting’ is a swear word in my consulting room. It conjures up pictures of limp lettuce on a plate, of obsessively counting calories and anxiously praying the scale will pretty please budge in the ‘right’ direction. Starvation, deprivation, morally superior good girl, angry girl. Fat, furious and rebellious: ‘Blow the diet, I’m off to fast food heaven. Load the trolley, I’ll start again next week or after the visitors have gone or maybe after that dinner party ... How am I going to get into my dress?

Oh, I hate myself! No will power.’ Civil war and torture chamber in one.

Sounds familiar? Why all the yo-yoing of weight, the self-sabotage? Dieting implies that we’re looking for a quick-fix solution, without a sustainable change towards more balanced eating habits, exercise and lifestyle. So often we create a ‘good food – bad food’ tug of war,

20 thislife.org.za | issue 11

There’s a rather nice little chocolate in the kitchen drawer and you might have it later with your coffee, but you’re not particularly bothered. For some of us, locked in a longstanding unhealthy relationship with food, this feels like an impossible dream. We might sweat blood at the gym or eat healthily all day, but after all that effort we still come home and sabotage our own best interests by wolfing down something ‘naughty’. While thislife recognises the dreadful irony that many South Africans will never have a weight problem because they simply don’t have enough to eat, the fact is that waist circumferences have increased by 50% in the past 10 years* and many people’s lives are blighted by an unhealthy relationship with food. We asked two Cape Town experts why we find it so hard to maintain a healthy weight or diet when we need to, and how we can start to become our body’s best friend. * International Journal of Obesity, 2008, J Wardle and D Boniface

beating ourselves up for having eaten the ‘forbidden fruit’ or yearning for what is deliciously ‘naughty’. But it makes way more sense to think along the lines of ‘often food’ and ‘infrequent food’, in terms of nutritional value.

By all means, have that scrumptious slice of chocolate cake once a week, but do make an occasion of it and preferably away from home.

Savour every bite.

triggers for overeating. This is key in becoming more adept at dealing with the underlying emotion. Interestingly, another clue to emotional underpinning lies in the food texture we crave: creamy = comfort, crunchy = frustration/anger, spicy = fatigue/boredom. Develop a different menu of ways to meet your emotional needs: run, phone a friend, choose to eat a crunchy apple rather than chips.

Emotional eating is a big culprit. We eat not because our body needs fuel, but because we’re feeling sad, bad, angry, frustrated or bored and in need of comfort, entertainment or a pat on the back. We create a tea party in our mouths because life itself does not feel sweet enough. Or we try to numb and suppress these uncomfortable or perceived-asunacceptable feelings by stuffing them down with food.

Often we feel so noble after exercise that we overestimate how much fuel our bodies have burnt. A nutritionist once laconically remarked to a ballet dancer, ‘By all means have your daily chocolate bar if you enjoy climbing Table Mountain twice a day!’

Journaling and keeping a mood log can be the first steps in learning to identify emotional

In our fast-paced lives, we often eat on the run. It’s a double whammy: not only do we not taste, savour and enjoy the food, we also don’t give our body’s satiation signal a chance to kick in. So we eat more than we need, with less pleasure. Eating in front of the television,

medicalmoment computer, game console or while reading are classic examples of automatic/mindless grazing.

Rather get up, walk to the kitchen, have a glass of water (you might be thirsty, not hungry). If you’re still peckish, finish eating in the kitchen before returning to your book or laptop.

become more healthy. If, on the other hand, I recognise that my goal is to become healthier over a period of time and that I won’t eat perfectly overnight, when I eat that chocolate I’ll be more able to see that I ate 75% healthily as opposed to blowing it!

Be mindful of portion size. Use a smaller plate.

It’s also good to be aware that food doesn’t actually reduce anxiety any more than alcohol does. It may mask it for a while, but it will always reappear until we tackle the issues that keep us in the problematic cycle of weight loss and gain.

Our bodies aim to keep things stable and on an even keel, trying to maintain our weight by regulating our appetite. When, through dieting, we consistently take in less fuel than we expend, our bodies respond by making us hungrier. This also occurs when we put on weight: when our body fat goes beyond a certain point, it can confuse our appetite signals and actually make us hungrier, too.

Intriguingly, sleep deprivation leads to an increase in our levels of ghrelin, the body’s shortterm hunger messenger, so we’re hungrier than usual, particularly craving carbohydrates and sugars. Likewise, when we burn the midnight oil, our bodies often crave carbs in an attempt to manufacture serotonin to put us to sleep! Eating simple carbs creates a sugar spike with heightened energy, keeping us awake. Next time you have the munchies, consider if you’re actually hungry or simply bone-tired and in desperate need of rest or sleep.

Embrace your body as a dear friend and wondrous masterpiece of engineering. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. Discover your body’s natural weight range and lovingly stay on speaking terms with the closest pal you’ve ever had!

Dr Lesly Uys, therapeutic & pastoral counsellor Most diets fail, but the good news is that it is possible to lose weight and keep it off and, more importantly, to create a healthy relationship with food.

The reason we’re overweight is rarely a physical condition. Far more likely is that our emotions have got the better of us. It’s easy to associate weight with food, to blame the way we eat and exercise (or not!) for making us fat and to leave it there. Many of us also struggle with self-criticism, telling ourselves things like, ‘I can’t go out looking like this. People will think I’m a pig’. But if we’re serious about permanently maintaining a healthy weight, we need to pinpoint our emotional associations with our weight and do something about them. If we gain control of our thoughts, we can start to feel new, helpful emotions. This leads to eating a lot less and more healthily.

Our thoughts create emotions that control how we behave. For example, if I believe that I’ve totally blown my diet because I had a chocolate, I’ll behave in a way that’s consistent with this distorted thinking pattern.

I’ll probably throw my hands up in the air in despair and give up my good intentions to

Dr Uys’s top tips • Exercise for one hour every day! Weight training burns more calories than you can imagine, keeping your metabolism raised throughout the day and turning you into a fat-burning zone! Ladies, remember to work with light weights so that you can tone − heavier weights may make you bulk up.

• Don’t have junk food in your home. Make it as difficult as possible to get hold of.

• If you’re dieting, have one ‘eat-whatever- you-want’ day a week so that you don’t feel deprived forever.

• If you’re in a really bad cycle you just can’t get out of, seek the help of a professional dietician or counsellor. It’s about making better life choices that will give you optimal health benefits – not only immediately, but also as you age.

• As far as possible, eat vegetables with every meal – the more, the merrier!

• Once you’ve reached your ideal weight, don’t even CONSIDER going back to your old lifestyle!

For some, it helps to think of weight as being body fat kept in storage. We can actually choose to clean out this ‘storage’ and make some space! Reflect on the idea that every kilogram of unwanted fat you have may actually be the weight of last year’s disappointments. For example, if you were lonely, mentally view those kilos of fat as kilos of loneliness. The same applies for resentment, anger, sadness or fatigue. Psychologically, this apparently bizarre concept of emotions and weight can be really helpful and make dieting much easier. Instead of focusing on how you’re giving up certain foods which you think of as a treat, you can now think in terms of losing unhappiness by the kilo.

Try self-help. Google ‘distorted thinking’ and ‘how to raise your emotional quotient’.

Read a ‘mindful eating’ book and try a mindfulness exercise like this one. Sit at the table with a plate of food in front of you. Focus on the variety of colours (try to have as many as possible) and textures. Become aware of your surroundings and be mindful as you pick

up your fork. Then, just before you place the food in your mouth, be aware of the aroma and take a moment to breathe it in. Next, think about the food as it passes over your lips.

How does it feel? Cold, hot, smooth, rough?

What do you notice as you slowly begin to chew your food? Savour the different flavours and taste as many as you can. As you swallow the food, what thoughts pass through your mind? Before you take your next forkful, be mindful of whether you’re eating from the same food group or a different one. Is the flavour stronger or more subtle? And so on.

Look at eating as a slow-motion process in which you’re aware of each and every move, flavour and sensory experience.

To maintain good eating habits, put substitutes in place for the food you’re saying goodbye to. Food is a temporary distraction.

Within an hour or two, your stress or boredom will still be there, plus the disappointment and remorse of having failed because you binged or ate sugary treats. So now’s a good time to compile a list of what you would like to do when this moment strikes. Make sure your list is done before the event occurs and stick it to your fridge or someplace visible. It’s your list and you need to engage in activities that you either find fun or will give you a sense of achievement. This can be anything from going for a walk in the forest to organising your clothes cupboard or the photo album. How about some other form of exercise, going to a movie, enrolling on a course or even exploring your spirituality? Remember, it must be something you’ll find either exciting or rewarding.

If none of this works, consider consulting a therapist or dietician. Your emotional and physical well-being is too important to ignore!

CHANGE YOUR LOOK IN AN INSTANT… tips for women by local image consultant Kyla Blackwood-Murray BELT UP Adding a belt is an affordable way to transform your look. Always wear it in a way that compliments your body shape: a belt 2-3cm wide suits most of us ROCK THAT BLOCK! Create an hourglass by vertical colour blocking: wear a solid bold colour flanked on both sides by a vertical contrasting colour IT’S A WRAP The wrap dress embraces and compliments every body shape from athletic to apple FEELING FADED? PIMP THOSE BROWS Shaping and colouring your eyebrows can take years off your age. Either use an eye pencil to colour them, making light brush strokes in an upward motion, or tint them with a shade that’s close to your natural hair colour or slightly lighter if you have dark hair Cick on www.refreshyourimage.co.za for more tips from Kyla

this page proudly sponsored by the Wilson family, USA: Mike & Barbara Wilson of Buffalo, Helen Wilson of Detroit and Liz Wilson of Oklahoma City

thislife.org.za | issue 11

21

advertise

WIN !

22 thislife.org.za | issue 11

reallife

walking with the

wounded

Emma Brewster feels called to serve women involved in prostitution, many of whom she says are very lonely

Emma Brewster (42) was born in Bermuda and grew up in the UK. She trained as a primary school

w

teacher, moved to Cape Town in 2011, and is currently working for SIM (Serving in Mission), advising organisations and churches globally how best to serve their local universities. Here, she talks about her involvement with Word on the Street, a project that reaches out to women involved in prostitution

hen I moved to Cape Town, my heart went out to the ladies in prostitution that I saw walking along Kenilworth Main Road.

I felt sick when I saw clients cruising up in their cars to pick them up and started to pray about what I could do for these vulnerable women. Soon after, I heard about ‘Word on the Street’, a group of people who meet every Tuesday evening and reach out to such women in the Kenilworth and Wynberg area. They’re part of a citywide initiative that falls under the umbrella of an organisation called ‘Straatwerk’. I went to investigate what they were about, and soon became committed to serving on the team.

We meet at a local church to pray, then spend an hour and a half on the streets: one group heads to Wynberg, and one towards Claremont. We chat to the women, getting to know them, giving them hope for a future, providing them with ways in which they could leave the work they’re currently in. We always offer to pray with them and hand out scripture verses on laminated cards; some have stuck them on the walls above their beds, others have got a scrap book they put them in to remind them of God’s promises. We leave them with our team phone number so that they can arrange to meet up with us away from the street if they want to chat further and consider their options.

We return to the church as a team and pray for

each lady individually (we prefer calling them ladies since that gives them the dignity so often not attributed to them). While this work isn’t easy, I’m motivated by the fact that they are loved by and precious to God. It’s wonderful to witness change sometimes – such as the lady who for years was caught up in drug abuse, pimps and ‘madams’. After many, many conversations and us praying with her on the street, she’s been restored, is off drugs, was baptised and is seeking to live out her faith.

She lived with some of us for a short while and then moved into a shelter. She works as a domestic a few days a week and is trying to find more work. Her dream is to be able to afford to go back and live with her children and learn how to be a family.

timid There are complex challenges facing these dear ladies who end up working on the streets.

Often their journey begins with sexual abuse at an early age, then involves drug and alcohol abuse. Some are victims of trafficking. Caught in a downward spiral, the ladies can’t imagine a different life. In a strange way, the work becomes their security and the thought of leaving it is terrifying. Some have been on the street since they were 14. There’s a lack of shelters and care homes for them to go to as a first base. Good counselling and support are desperately needed to help them equip themselves for, and find, alternative work: not so easy with unemployment so prevalent. With

the lure of a reasonable income on the street, it can take many attempts to walk away from prostitution completely. Most of these women don’t want to be where they are. It’s a dangerous place and they suffer violent abuse at times. In recent months there have been three murders which has heightened the fear of being out there, but so many feel trapped.

A few years ago, I chatted to a young girl who arrived in Cape Town, lured by the hope of a job from a man she met in a nightclub in Johannesburg. Before she knew it, she was given a short dress, a pack of condoms and left on Main Road. We met her in her first week, timid and fearful, longing to get on the next bus home to Johannesburg. Four months later she was totally immersed in the world of prostitution and caught up in the spiral of evil around her. We’ve no idea where she is now, but she’s often in our prayers.

While many may look at these women and criticise them, I believe they’re precious people made in the image of God, just like you and me. One lady said she runs from her flat to the shops to get a Coke, convinced that everyone is looking at her in disgust, even when no-one could know because she’s not dressed for work. It’s a terribly lonely life for many of them.

My prayer is that we might look at these ladies differently. They may be a closed lily in the messiness and smell of a stagnant pond, but they have the potential for their petals to open and to be transformed into something beautiful.’

this page proudly sponsored by Colinton Surgery, Colinton Road, Newlands

thislife.org.za | issue 11

23

foodielife

smashed avo

&

mushroom bruschetta

Seeking something foodie to serve up as tapas or a snack? Spoil friends and family with this impressive little number from the kitchen of Wynberg eatery, Four & Twenty CafĂŠ

What you need For the balsamic glaze 250ml balsamic vinegar 125ml granulated sugar 4 sprigs thyme For the rest 1 baguette 1 large ripe avocado (or 2 small) 1 lemon, juiced pinch of sea salt 100g chevre (or other soft goat’s cheese) 200g mushrooms (ideally shimeji variety) 45g butter micro herbs or fresh basil to garnish

WHAT YOU DO 1.

Glaze: place glaze ingredients in a small saucepan and heat to medium on a stove top. Stir gently to dissolve the sugar as the mixture warms slowly.

Once liquid comes to the boil, allow it to boil rapidly until it has halved in volume and is syrupy. Remove thyme sprigs and take pan off heat, leaving your glaze to cool to room temperature

2.

Avo: peel the avo(s), de-pip and roughly chop.

Place avo, lemon juice and salt in a bowl and smash gently with the back of a fork, incorporating all the lemon juice and seasoning as you go. Cover with a bowl and set aside

3. Mushrooms: heat the butter in a frying pan on

medium heat and gently fry mushrooms until golden

and tender 4.

24 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Putting it all together: slice the baguette into at least 16 even slices. Gently toast in a toaster or oven, top with generous dollops of smashed avo and crumbled goat’s cheese. Next, gently place little piles of the pan-fried mushrooms on top and season lightly again. Drizzle the balsamic glaze over the top and finish by garnishing with micro herbs or freshly picked basil

foodielife

WIN !

Bruce Tuck Photography

A R2 Four & Tw 50 voucher for enty CafĂŠ , Wynberg

www.foura ndtwenty cafe.co.z Simply SM a S FOUR to 338 0 8 for your c hance to win Competiti o 31 Janua n ends ry 2015

this page proudly sponsored by Andrew and Priska Newham

thislife.org.za | issue 11

25

photomoment A moment in time:

Gugulethu micro-farmers Tamzile Mbiza and Ntombesine Wulana pause briefly in their labours producing organic vegetables for customers all over Cape Town

Town townships. Every week, this not-for-profit venture sells boxes of vegetables at drop-off points all over Cape Town in a win/win situation: farmers benefit from a secure, fair income, while customers gain reasonably priced, organic, low-carbon-footprint veg, knowing their money is providing work and conserving the environment. Care to find out more, support a micro-farmer or place a weekly veg order? Go to www.harvestofhope.co.za or call 021 371 1653

26 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Tonya Hester

HARVEST OF HOPE was launched in 2008 to support organic micro-farmers in Cape

infomoment

lifesupport

Looking for something new?

Maybe there’s something here for YOU…

parenting

teen youth groups

divorce

men & women

BABY GROUPS Share the experience of motherhood with good coffee and new friends in a supportive environment at the Moms Connect baby and toddler group. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth.

When? Thursdays 10-11.30am (term time). Babies and toddlers obviously welcome too! Contact Jill Mathew: 072 329 0281 or reception@cck.org.za Alternatively, join MomSpace in Kirstenhof, a relaxed and supportive place for moms and their 0-3s to have fun and be inspired. When? Tuesdays 9.3011am (term time). Where? Church of the Holy Spirit, Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof. All welcome. Contact Ros or Cathi: 021 701 3201 or cathi@chscapetown.org PARENTING COURSE Join other parents at the Parenting Course to make the most of parenting! Where?

Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za

Ambies @ Christ Church, Kenilworth. Call Justine: 021 797 6332 Amplify @ Claremont Methodist Church. Call 021 674 2596 gcubedyouth @ St John’s Church, Wynberg (next to Springfield Convent). Contact Keegan: 072 808 2063, 021 797 8968 or keegan@stjohns.org.za H4K @ Emmanuel Church, Wynberg. Call Nicky: 021 761 6837 Union @ Connect Church, Meadowridge. Email Roland: roland@connectchurch.org.za Youth @ Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof. Call Brendan: 021 701 3201 or brendan@chscapetown.org

BEYOND DIVORCE A series of workshops aimed at anyone who has experienced the devastation of separation or divorce. Where?

Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za

JOIN ‘A Journey to Significance’ if you’re a man over 40 and are soul-searching! Where? Christ Church, Kenilworth. Contact Richard: 082 825 1598 or richardn@netactive.co.za or Barrie: 082 552 1333 or bjack.newjourneys@gmail.com EVERY WOMAN has a story worth sharing! Why not drop in for coffee at Ladies Linking to hear some? Where? Rotating venues in Constantia. When? Last Friday of every month 10am-12 noon.

There is no charge. Contact Angie: angie@chscapetown.org

marriage MARRIAGE PREPARATION A weekly course open to all couples, whether church members or not! Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth.

Contact Claire: claire@cck.org.za or 021 797 6332.

ALREADY MARRIED Fancy a weekly date with your spouse – to talk privately together, be served a delicious meal and have some input to encourage and challenge you in your relationship? Try The Marriage Course, recommended for all marriages, whether blooming or a little parched. No need to belong to any church. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth.

Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za

junior youth groups Kick @ Claremont Methodist Church. Call 021 674 2596 Connect Kids @ Connect Church, Meadowridge. 021 712 1218 or jolene@connectchurch.org.za Oasis @ Christ Church, Kenilworth.

Friday 6-8pm for Grades 4-7.

Call Bushy: 074 418 5865 UTX @ Emmanuel Church, Wynberg. Call Nicky: 021 761 6837

personal WANT MORE CLARITY on where your responsibilities lie – and where they don’t? Looking to live more lightly, without comparing yourself to others? The Boundaries Course has been run for 10 years, with great results. Where?

Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za GRIEFSHARE A recovery support group which offers help and healing for the pain you go through when someone you love dies. Run by St John’s Parish, Wynberg.

Contact Klaus and Barbara: 021 671 4732, 082 453 9392 or klaush@global.co.za. Also run by Connect Church, Meadowridge.

Call Sue: 021 712 1218 Living with cancer? Contact Cancer Buddies, a support project that brings together cancer patients with a similar profile, disease and treatment protocol.

Call 0800 033 337 (toll-free) or go to www.cancerbuddies.org.za to request support online DEALING WITH DEPRESSION is for people experiencing depression, plus those supporting them.

Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za WORRIED BY/ADDICTED TO PORN? Contact Clive at STOP (Standing Together to Oppose Pornography): 021 715 3216, 083 463 4762, stop@stop.org.za or go to www.stop.org.za

helping others HABITAT FOR HUMANITY Help build a house for those without!

To join a local build, email info@dtbof.co.za or click on www.habitat.org.za HUNGRY SCHOOLCHILDREN For R120 and 90 minutes of your time per week, you can feed 60 hungry school children! Contact Claire: claire@zevdevco.co.za

prayer PRAYER CLINIC Anyone with physical, emotional or spiritual needs is welcome. Be prayed for by experienced prayer counsellors from local Cape Town churches.

Patients are usually referred by doctors, but you can self-refer by calling reception on 021 683 5867.

No charge. Thursdays 4-5.30pm at Medicross, 67 Rosmead Avenue, Kenilworth (not public holidays) 24 HOUR PRAYER LINE Call Radio CCFm’s Prayer Friend Line at any hour of the day or night. It’s manned by people used to dealing with a wide variety of situations. Call 021 788 3340, register your prayer request online at www.ccfm.org.za or email prayer@ccfm.org.za HEALING PRAYER for physical or emotional challenges. First and third Tuesday from 5 to 6.30pm at Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Second and fourth Tuesday at Church of the Holy Spirit, Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof.

Call Alison: 021 797 6332

sewing WONDERING ABOUT SEWING? Discover a talent and you can earn a living! Start by making a pincushion and finish with a tracksuit that’s good enough to sell. Classes for 2015 start up again in February at St Thomas’ Church hall, Rondebosch, on Wednesdays 2-4pm. Each class costs just R1.

Call Eileen: 021 685 1980

spirituality ALPHA is a fun, non-threatening course which examines the claims of Christianity, aimed particularly at anyone who doesn’t attend church or who seeks to ‘brush up’ on their spirituality. Go to www. alpha.co.za for courses around the country. Alternatively, contact the following churches for details of their next course: Christ Church, Kenilworth (021 797 6332), Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof (021 701 3201), Emmanuel Church, Wynberg (021 797 0179), St John’s Church, Wynberg (021 797 8968), St Philip’s Church, Kenwyn (021 762 8772) or Connect Church, Meadowridge (021 712 1218) SEEKING A CHURCH THAT SUITS YOU? Give St John’s Parish a go. It’s a lively group of six Anglican churches in the southern suburbs. To find out more, call Yvonne: 021 797 6332 or Judy: 021 701 3201 ARE YOU WONDERING ABOUT JESUS THE JEWISH MESSIAH? For 200 years, the Church’s Ministry among the Jewish People (CMJ) has been investing in the spiritual rebirth of the Jewish People as well as presenting Jesus the Jew to Christians.

To find out more, go to www.cmj-sa.org or contact John Atkinson: john@cmj-sa.org, Edith Sher: edith@cmj-sa.org or Sue: admin@cmj-sa.org

thislife.org.za | issue 11

27

marketplace

STYLE / LEISURE

your guide to local services (take the las out of looking)

Seller

Jorg Demnitz

FINANCE / COMPUTING

Supplier of Fine Silver Ingots / Bars / Coins

m

082 641 6341 jorg@kingsley.co.za

Care to advertise your business card in our next issue?

Mail us on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or call Rebecca on 072 802 7022 or Tonya on 074 672 7369 28 thislife.org.za | issue 11

EDUCATION / COACHING / COUNSELLING

marketplace

BURNISH

WHET

DISCOVER ALIGN ENERGISE

BOOST

SUPPLEMENT POLISH

REFINE

FOCUS

VALUE-BASED

ROBERT BRAIN BUSINESS COACHING 082 990 9504 | rob@robertbrain.co.za | www.robertbrain.co.za

With compliments of Pick n Pay Family Store, Rondebosch

SERVICES

HONE DRESSINNER-GAME

EXPLORE SHAPE SKYROCKET GRIND

STEP-UP

WHITTLE

BURNISH

SHARPEN

SUPPLEMENT

¨

Inspired by you Time strapped? Let our friendly staff deliver your shopping to your doorstep.

Having a party? We also deliver platters, ice, liquor and hired glasses!

1 Main Road, Rondebosch Village Centre T: 021 685 4001/2, ext 5 | F: 021 686 5332 | SMS: 076 429 5008 E: pnprondeboschhomeshopping@telkomsa.net

A

Arnie’s PANELSHOP

Unit 14, 41 Product Street, Ndabeni T 021 511 1090 • F 021 511 1220 • 0866 044 339 free quotations | repair any car | rust removal | full valet glaze paintwork | chassis straightening & cleaning respray work | wheel alignment | 24 hour breakdown service thislife.org.za | issue 11

29

marketplace

Therapeutic & Pastoral Counsellor

078 385 2232 / 021 686 8004

Stuck?

Anxious?

Fighting?

Depressed?

Drinking?

HEALTH / LIVING

Tired of life?

30 thislife.org.za | issue 11

Get from where you are to where you want to be!

25 years’ helping people achieve personal & professional goals.

marketplace

Local expertise, national presence, international audience

HOUSE / HOME

Christo: +27 (0)76 164 4483 • Sharon: +27 (0)82 920 2217 • Office: +27 (0)21 531 3464 info@svrproperties.co.za • pinelands@fineandcountry.com www.svrproperties.co.za • www.fineandcountry.com • www.property24.com

Maybe we’re biased, but we assume that if our advertisers choose our mag, they must be good. However, if you don’t receive total satisfaction, please let the advertiser know and seek any recourse from him/her. Even though there is little we can do about your particular grievance, please do let us know of your complaint too – for our future reference

Care to advertise your business card in our next issue?

Mail us on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or call Tonya on 074 672 7369 or Rebecca on 072 802 7022 thislife.org.za | issue 11

31

retailtherapy

7

made in LOOKING FOR FAB GIFTS?

1

Try these proudly South African beauties…

3

2

6

10

11 8 9

4

1. Crocheted cactus by Projekt, from R280 Get it from African Nova, Cape Quarter, 021 425 5123 2. Signs by IS:Créatif, from R75 Get them from www.is-creatif.co.za or call 079 486 4310 3. Pencil/ make-up case by Gord, from R70 Get it from African Image, Cape Town, 021 423 8385 4. Ticket/card holder by Gord, R45 Get it from African Image, Cape Town, 021 423 8385 5. ‘Bly Kalm’ t-shirt, R230 Get it from Big Blue shops nationwide or www.bigblue.co.za 6. Candle-with-a-message, R60 Get it from Masquerade, Franschhoek, 021 876 3944 7. Knitted tea cosy by Lapoplap, R220 Get it from www.lapoplap.com, 082 393 1388 8. ‘Dankie kasi’ shirts, a business initiative

by Claremont parking marshall Bulelani Ngcako, R100 Get them from brucewatsup@yahoo.com or 061 944 6914 9. Natural lip balm by Oh-lief, R49.95 Get it from selected Woolworths stores 10. ‘Africa’ felt keyrings by YDA Walt, from R55 Get them from Kalk Bay Modern, Kalk Bay, 021 788 6571 or Clementina Ceramics, Woodstock, 021 447 1398 11. Kiddie’s backpack by Sparrow Society, R150 Get it from www.sparrowsociety.co.za 32 thislife.org.za | issue 11

5

Printed by CTP Printers, Cape Town