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News Briefs: James Dobson, the rightwing pundit from Focus on the Family, compared the Supreme Court Justices to the Klu Klux Klan (KKK). Rightwing evangelical Christian leaders, like Dobson, want control of the Supreme Court so they can overturn a woman’s right to choose. Bush’s approval ratings are the lowest of any president at this point in their second term. According to Gallop Polls, 45% of Americans approve of Bush, while 49% disapprove. Sniper rifle manufacturer, Barrett Firearms, boasts in a marketing brochure that their 50 caliber sniper rifles are capable of ‘destroying multi-million dollar aircraft with a single hit.’ That’s just what the world needs, more guns that can shoot down passenger airlines. The Enterprise Institute, an ultra rightwing, laissez-fare/anti-government think tank, says that there should be no background checks for 50 caliber sniper rifles. What! Didn’t they read the previous news brief? Yea, and they don’t care. John Bolton, the war hawk cowboy Bush appointed as U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, recently told Congress that Iran “constitutes a threat to international peace and security.” Coincidentally, the United Nations charter allows the use of force against countries that are considered “threats to international peace and security.” Bolton is the same guy who said “the United Nations doesn’t exist,” and that if 10 floors of the U.N. headquarters were eliminated, “it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.” Yea, Bush supports international cooperation… so long as everyone does what he wants. “The economy is on thin ice,” say Paul Volker, who was the chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank from 1979 to 1987 (the same post Alan Greenspan now holds). 8

The British newspaper, the Mirror, claims to have obtained documents stating the US will remain in Iraq until 2009. The AARP, the largest organization for retired people in the world, says that Bush’s Social Security privatization bill will not pass Congress this year, or any year! Bush campaign fundraising “Pioneers,” the Wyly Brothers from Texas, face a grand jury indictment for evading millions in taxes. These rich-Texas- tax-cheats helped fund the “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” advertisements, which tried to smear John Kerry’s heroic military record. The economy added fewer than expected jobs this month, and (surprise) they are all shitty minimum wage jobs. Hooray for the New Economy! “…the American Republic - is gone. It’s been swallowed by darkness, by ravening greed, by bestial spirits and by willful primitives who now possess overwhelming instruments of power and dominion. Gangsters are in charge, and nothing and no one will be allowed to challenge their dominion,” writes Chris Floyd of the St. Petersburg Times in Russia. 4-12-05 Next year’s presidential election in Mexico is heating up. Mexico’s Congress is trying to prevent the popular, left-wing mayor of Mexico City, Lopez Obrador, from running against the current president Vicente Fox. Vicente Fox is a former Coca-Cola executive, and is quite friendly with the Bush Administration on ‘free trade’ issues. To hide maimed troops, the U.S. flies them home under cover of darkness, UK Independent Newspaper reports. Editorial Board: JP, Kelsey, Anna, Brody, Sarah, Cassie, Nialls, Alex Contact the Yeti:

Bulldog Does DC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 What is the WRC? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Drive Thru Activism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 LaDuke Warwick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Faux News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 Explorations in the Ordinary . . . . . . . . 4 The Decemberists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 A Loose Dress for a Loose Woman. . . 5 Sex and Campus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Beer of the Week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 News Briefs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8



Vol. I, 4-05

FSU’s Progressive Newspaper - For Students, By Students

Bulldog Does DC

How the Whitehouse was Caught with Its Pants Down by Natty Dread We all know the Bush Administration likes to control the news, but what if we told you the Republicans had recruited a fake journalist, got him a White House press pass, and sent him to DC to write whatever the Bush Administration told him to? And if that isn’t enough, it gets better. The guy they hired is a gay male escort who works for HotMilitaryStud. com! Until recently, James Guckert was the White House reporter for Talon News, a fake news service funded by GOPUSA. GOPUSA is a well connected, Texas-based media organization affiliated with the Republican Party. Their mission is to “bring the conservative message to America.” And apparently that includes funding fake news services like Talon News. Cont. page 3. A Message from the Yeti: Thanks for picking up a copy of The Yeti, Florida State University’s new progressive student newspaper. There is a serious attack on free speech at college campuses. So called “free speech zones” are the only places on campus where open dialogue can take place, and current efforts to pass the Academic Bill of Rights are designed to take teaching power out of the classroom and put it into the hands of the government. In response to this, The Yeti seeks to bring back progressive values to Florida State University’s campus, and offer material for students who’ve grown restless with current media options. We want a return to diversity in campus journalism and to fight homogeneity in all forms of media. We’ll offer you news that falls off the mainstream media radar while presenting alternative,

What is the WRC?

A Brief History and the Campaign at FSU by Nialls Fallon The goal of a corporation is simple: to amass wealth, and lots of it. It seems many will go to any length to minimize their costs and maximize their profit, even if that extra dollar comes from the blood and sweat of another human being. It is common knowledge that many corporations produce goods in sweatshops, “workplaces in which workers are employed for long hours at low wages and under unhealthy or oppressive conditions.” Considering there are over 500 vendors licensed to produce and sell FSU merchandise and apparel, it seems obvious that some way of monitoring the factories in which these goods are made is necessary. This problem was solved with the creation of the Worker Rights Consortium. See the WRC insert...

and often humorous, views on current issues. We are also fueled by the knowledge that there are students out there who want more to do in Tallahassee than go to “the strip”. That’s why The Yeti will always have a running calendar with exciting and culturally enriching events. Also expect commentary and criticism on anything going on in the local, and not so local, community. But don’t pick up a copy of The Yeti and expect pure punditry because we’re about so much more. We’re about music, film, literature, art, parties, and sex. Fortunately, there’s room for all of those things in the definition of progressive. So please, feel free to voice your opinion and email us your comments, criticism, concerns, or submissions to 1

Drive Thru Activism by Kelsey Visser

A Conversation with the Invisible

by JP Eason It was the second anniversary of the Iraq war. My anticipation rose as I climbed the final hill on my bike up Laduke Warwick approached my dog while I was Monroe Street, to the old capitol building. Sunscreen sitting at a picnic table doing my homework by Lake slathered for a full day of protesting. Disappointment Ella. Like most of the homeless I have encountered, he filled the void of excitement when I realized I could was either starved for attention or realized that I was easily perform a head count; generously speaking more likely to give him money if we were engaged there were twenty people occupying the empty patches in conversation. “Do you think people are allowed to of grass in the shade of the bleached white building. go swimming in here?” he asks pointing to the lake. I stood by the road amongst two others and quietly Laduke helps himself to a seat next to me. He has a joined them with my homemade cardboard sign: “No helmet of blond hair slicked back with grease; there Violence, Know Peace”. Looking back, I wish it is a flannel shirt draped over his left shoulder and a would have said “Do you know we are in a war?” or squishy red ball in his right hand. Laduke walked more perhaps I could have stuck with a simple than two hours into town this morning on “Does anybody care?” his day off.He tells me that being at the The masses were not there. If it were lake helps him clear his mind; apparently not for the Buddhist Peace Fellowship of Laduke loves to write poetry. I get the Tallahasee holding a day of meditation feeling, though, that he is here for another for peace, our numbers would have been reason. I see his eyes follow the girls as as few as five. Car after car passed us they walk by; Laduke’s sentences slow to by, boasting friendly honks and peace a halt the closer they come, and then begin signs out the window. I wondered why again once they have passed. Apparently they weren’t out here with us. A news Laduke is a drummer too. He says “You crew approached the area, camera in wouldn’t believe my skills. I used to tour hand. The anchor spoke with one of the with Phish.” He then clarifies, telling me demonstrators and then left the area. I that he was only a groupie and that it was can’t say for sure why they left, but I the period of his life when he was on drugs. think it was obvious. There was nothing “Did you ever own a set?” I ask. “Yeah, but Photo by Nialls Fallon to shoot. No big story, no large crowds or I pawned it to buy a bus ticket to Florida.” loud protesters; just us and the drive through supporters. There are 150,624 people who live in Now even a protest has turned into an in and out, drive Tallahassee; 33, 978 live at or below the poverty line, thru. A quick flash of a peace sign or a honk will be that’s 23%. In 2003, The Tallahassee Coalition for the all that is necessary to show your support in the peace Homeless conducted a survey in which they identified movement. The McDonald’s of activism. 703 homeless persons in Tallahassee, half of whom are It has been two full years. Years that that we were children. Of the 381 adults surveyed, 55% of them had told would fly by, and did, when paired with our hectic at least some form of employment; 14% worked full schedules and consumer needs; years that our country time jobs. Laduke has a full time job. He works on a has been at war. One often hears “We are at war.” painting crew. His boss picks him up at 7:30AM every We? As if the President, the army reserves, the Paris morning in front of the Greyhound station, and pays Hiltons of the world and Joe Shmo down the street are him in cash every night as he drops him off. Laduke all in it together. One big group. One big Sacrifice. I gets paid $5.15 an hour, and works 50 hours a week, am not making any sacrifices. I am not risking my life but he hasn’t been getting his full salary for the past on a daily basis in another country. Nor is my family two months. holding their breath for the next letter in the mailbox Until he was eighteen, Laduke lived in Ohio where to hear if I am alive. My life is exactly the same. Full he was brought up with ten brothers and sisters. One of the daily zombie work that keeps me busy. We are night in the middle of winter, his girlfriend fell asleep all just so busy. Cont. pg 6 behind the wheel and ran a red light, Cont. pg 7 2

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sending their car into the side of an old man in a pickup truck. Laduke raises his chin. There is a thick scar which extends along the entire ridge of his jaw, disrupting his thick stubble. He stands up and lifts his shirt exposing another scar starting at the small of his back and going around his left hip to his bellybutton. “I thank the lord everyday that he left me fit enough to keep on working.” When Laduke had some complications arise two months ago, concerning the pin in his left femur, his boss was kind enough to extend him a small loan so he could pay the emergency room bill. His boss has been withholding a third of his pay every day since, forcing Laduke to sleep on the streets because he can’t afford to pay his rent anymore. I asked Laduke if it bothered him how his boss holds money over his head like that. “That’s just the way people are. They are consumed by money; that’s the only thing that matters to them.” Laduke brings his right hand up into my field of vision. He shows me his little red ball. “This is how I deal with it. It’s my stress ball, and I bring it everywhere I go.” “Even to work?” I ask. “Especially to work; I just put it in my pocket and pull it out when I need it.” “Maybe I should get a stress ball,” I tell him; “I know sometimes I get pissed off at life for not being fair. If someone had only told me before that all I needed was a little rubber ball to sooth my nerves, maybe I could just accept my role a bit easier.” Laduke doesn’t hear me; his attention has shifted to the girl in spandex dragging behind her a Chihuahua with a bow on its head. After about an hour I tell Laduke that I want to buy him a meal. On our walk over to Ole Times Country Buffet, we talk about bands and baseball; Laduke is a big Cleveland Indians fan. When we arrive at the restaurant, I pay for his meal and send him in alone. “You aren’t coming in to eat?” he asks. “No, I have to take the dog home.” The truth is that I would never eat at Ole Times again, I would just eat too much and then end up sweating grease for a week. No I’m not going to eat at Ole Times but I’m sure Laduke is happy for the meal. In fact he tells me so, extending a hand and whispering “God Bless you” into my ear. As we shake hands I notice how firm his grip is. Maybe stress balls do help. Statistics from The Tallahassee Coalition for the Homeless, 2003 Homeless Survey Report, Gerri DeLong Goldman.

Sideways, continued from page 4

the Crawford ranch. Although at times the story moves slowly, Payne’s cinematography keeps you interested. Paul Giamatti was nominated for Best Actor at this year’s Golden Globes for his role as Miles, however, I’m not quite sure how deserving he is. I’ve seen him on Saturday Night Live and he seemed just as nervous and neurotic in real life as he does in this film. But even if he is just playing himself, I hope Miles begins a trend of the new American hero- one who’s a little over weight, balding, and intelligent. I also hope Alexander Payne continues to make these so called “dramadey’s” with the wit and subtle humor of Sideways.

The Decemberists, continued from page 4

the band’s ambition to tell stories with a vocal element vaguely reminiscent of Morrissey (who Meloy covered on the recent Sings Morrissey EP). “Eli, The Barrowboy” and “From My Own True Love (Lost At Sea)” bring the band back to its more subdued and acoustic roots of Castaways and Cutouts while showing off the bands considerable vocal and lyrical talent. The album is not entirely without fault, however. “Sixteen Military Wives”, while not a bad anti-war song by itself, seems out of place in the album and would probably be better placed as a single. Similarly, the album seems to falter a bit towards the end. “The Mariners Revenge Song” shows off Meloys impressive songwriting abilities, but revels far too much in the aforementioned anachronism and theatrics. The album’s closer, “Of Angels and Angles”, seems to end the album with a somewhat disappointing whimper. But a few minor missteps are not enough to spoil what is probably The Decemberists’ most consistent and enjoyable album yet. 7

Drive thru continued from page 2

This generation needs to wake up. We are the ones. College students are supposed to be the people making a difference. The movers and shakers. The peace keepers. The revolutionaries. The apathetic? It seems the only moving and shaking students do in this town is at bars and night clubs. Two for ones and ladies night keep us content. Make the weekends worth talking about on Monday morning. At least make us able to hide what is really going on around us from our own minds. Watching the news that week was even more disheartening. It seems the country was more interested in Terri Shaivo’s feeding tube than in the anniversary of the war. Maybe we are. I am left to wonder, what would it take to get people to feel something about this conflict? A family member over seas? Food rations? How about the fact that fifteen hundred of our soldiers are dead? Not to mention that sadly the U.S government refuses to keep statistics on the Iraqi death toll. Apparently the fact that we were packaged and sold this war on the basis of a lie is not alarming. I thought all that should have been enough to spark some interest, spark a feeling. We have all been asleep. To follow the war consistently is one thing, but to actually stop and digest the fact that it has been two full years should stir up some serious dyspepsia. That is the problem. Too many of us did not allow ourselves to stop and think. The news did not make us stop and think. It is always someone else’s dead family member, someone else’s loss. There is always a story more close to home to cling to; that parking ticket, Saturday’s kegger, or the newest development in a roommate drama. But it is not someone else’s country. It is our own. A country both inflicting and suffering loss simultaneously. A country involved in a war. If the anniversary of the war was not a good time to internalize exactly what that means then when is? How many more years and how many more lives will be lost before enough is enough? The stark white capitol building stood tall behind us; as the hours passed it morphed slowly into a menacing flag of surrender. We were the remaining troops. Back up was clearly not on the way. I was finished. So I mounted my bike because the cool breeze on the ride down hill was calling my name; away from the protest, and away from the thought of war. I had done my part. Naively thinking my half afternoon of demonstrating was all that I owed to the tens of thousands dead as a result of this conflict. I too was the drive by activist, homebound and half satisfied. A plastic peace sign tied around my neck, flapping in the breeze as I sped downhill. 6

Bulldog continued from page 1

Beer of the Week The first thing you notice after taking a large swig of Blue Moon is the smooth fruity flavor. There is a hint of blueberry in this light but rich beer. The best place in Tallahassee to enjoy a cold pitcher of this wonderful brew is Leon Pub. With hundreds of beers to choose from and dollar pool tables, you’re bound to have a great night.



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@3LEast 6th AMonroe th 25 Nor f f o just

Prior to writing for Talon, Guckert’s credentials were limited to a 2-day, $50 journalism class. Nevertheless, Guckert (who wrote under the fake name Jeff Gannon) was hired as the White House correspondent for Guckert’s press credentials did not qualify him for a regular White House press pass but because of GOPUSA’s top Republican connections, Guckert was able to get a temporary press pass every day he came to the Whitehouse (something no other reporter has ever been able to do). Day Job: Guckert was hired by White House Reporter GOPUSA to ask questions for that set Bush up to deliver one of his prewritten sound bites on “terr-ism” or 9-11. Guckert was notorious for asking ridiculous questions, such as “President Bush, how can you work with the Democrats, who are so out of touch with reality?” How convenient for the President to have a reporter he can call on who is paid by the Republican Party to ask easy questions. During the 2004 elections Guckert ridiculed John Kerry for supporting the “gay agenda” and said that if Kerry were elected he would be “the first gay president.” Kinda strange considering Guckert is a gay male escort. During the day, James Guckert was known to the Whitehouse Press Office as Jeff Gannon, but at night, he was known to his clients at as Bulldog. In one of his online profiles, Bulldog says he “doesn’t leave marks, only impressions…” The irony of an anti-gay Republican organization hiring a gay male escort to write stories bashing gays makes this story better than Night Job: fiction. But the real story is Gay Male Escort for that the American media has become a commodity that is for sale to the highest bidder. GOPUSA, and the wealthy conservatives they represent, are able to buy good media coverage for their man in the White House. That just ain’t right! My only consolation is that the White House really got caught with their pants down this time.

Faux News by George Orwell

The Bush Administration has taken media manipulation to new heights. Take, for example, the Video News Releases (or VNRs) that various federal agencies have been making. These VNRs look like a news report you might see on your local news station, complete with a fake reporter’s voice. And since there is no mention of where these reports come from, lazy local news channels can simply use these stories as if they were produced by their own reporters. I can see it now, “Well, even though the war isn’t very popular with the American people anymore, our reporter in the field shows us that the Iraqi people love us and that everything is going great!” – cut to a VNR from the Bureau of Public Affairs (a.k.a. Big Brother). Aside from the unsavory reality that our government is inventing news stories, these VNRs are slanted as hell. They are intended to make whatever the government is doing look like it was ordained by God. Take the VNR entitled “The Liberation of Baghdad,” for example. Within the first few seconds of the video, the ‘news reporter’ states that “newly liberated Iraqis toppled a huge statue of Saddam.” We all remember seeing Saddam’s statue coming down – the footage splashing across all major TV networks. What is suspiciously missing from the video footage is the giant U.S. Army Hummer that actually pulled the statue down. There is every reason to believe that this event was staged by the White House to get good media coverage. The pictures speak for themselves… There are many examples of similar VNRs that show little if any regard for the truth. VNRs represent government propaganda at its finest, and scariest. So when you sit down to watch the evening news, watch out for propaganda from the Bureau of Public Affairs. Oh wait, there are no disclaimers, so you may never know when you’re watching real news or propaganda. Pretty scary. 3

Movies Explorations in the Ordinary by Sarah Stinard-Kiel It seems as if Hollywood movies, and even popular independent films, feature either heroes, bad guys, or caricatures. Where did all the real people go? Isn’t there room for people who do good things and bad things, but at the end of the day, still have a heart? Director Alexander Payne makes room for them in his Oscar hit Sideways. The film starts in Miles’ (Paul Giamatti) apartment which is drab and in poor condition, a perfect mirror to his own life. He is getting ready to pick up his friend Jack (Thomas Hayden Church), a washed up actor whose looks and talent are fading fast. They’re heading for a week of wine tasting and golf before Jack’s wedding on Saturday. Their week together represents different things to both Miles and Jack. Miles is looking for some relaxation while waiting to hear back from his manager on whether or not his ridiculously complicated 1000 page manuscript will be published. For Jack, it’s a chance to fit in a few more girls before the inevitability of wedlock ties him down forever. While out in wine country the two of them meet Stephanie (Sandra Oh) and Maya (Virginia Madsen). After a double date, Stephanie and Jack jump into bed while Miles and Maya exchange wine metaphors on the porch. Actually, this film is full of wine metaphors, which is probably my only complaint. Sometimes the metaphors are the only thing that can facilitate any kind of conversation between characters, and this is certainly true when they bare their souls. More satisfying aspects of the film can be accredited to Payne’s direction. Elevator music is all that plays on the soundtrack of this film and at times you don’t even notice it; but when you do, there’s clearly a touch of humor. The filming is reminiscent of low budget 80’s films with fast zooms and scenes broken up into quadrants on the screen. There’s one priceless shot where the camera pans from two grotesque people screwing to a television screen showing President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld, pals at Cont. pg 7 4

Music Pop Music Lost at Sea

by Ryan Brody The Decemberists Picaresque

The Decemberists are a band that has its feet firmly planted in anachronism. Let’s be honest here, Colin Meloy seems to have thoroughly fetishized anything having to do with pirates, maidens, Spanish kings, giant whales, Celtic mythology, Japanese geishas, or trench warfare. But this anachronism extends further than merely the subject matter of Meloy’s expertly penned lyrics. The Decemberists have a sound that seems to hearken back to both a simpler phase of pop music while also possessing a mood and structure that is not entirely unlike that of musical theater. But through all the theatrics that The Decemberists throw at their listeners, there is one simple fact that is undeniable: The Decemberists are really damn good at writing catchy yet intelligent pop songs. Picaresque does not break from this trend and in fact is less hit-or-miss than their previous effort, the critically lauded Her Majesty the Decemberists. The album starts off much like Her Majesty did, with a strong and thematic song that sets the tone of the album. “The Infanta” acts a bold introduction, immediately showing off the increasingly complex arrangements that the band is capable of. “We Both Go Down Together”, “On The Bus Mall” and the climax of the album, “The Engine Driver” blend Cont. pg 7

Books A Loose Dress for a Loose Woman by Cassie Smith

Slammerkin By Emma Donoghue 386 pp. New York: Harcourt. $14. Emma Donoghue’s seductive novel Slammerkin (a word meaning “a loose gown” and “a loose woman”) tells the fictional story of the non-fictional Mary Saunders. Set in 18th century England, Donoghue’s Mary is the 14 year old daughter of a poor but honest seamstress, driven by a lust for finer things. She allows a peddler to take her virginity for a single, shiny, red ribbon and is consequently thrown out of her house, beginning her downward spiral. The first section of the book reads like a shopping list of awful things that happen to Mary; she gets pregnant, she is gang-raped, she contracts gonorrhea and has a back alley abortion, all vividly described and detailed. Taken under the wing of another prostitute, the 21 year old enigmatic and rambunctious Doll Higgins, Mary’s career flourishes. Donoghue details every aspect of the girls’ everyday lives from their idea of a good time together at a public hanging to Mary attracting clients by yelling, “Fourteen and clean.” However the novel is not simply a lewd history lesson about London’s whores and Mary unexpectedly flees to the country, introducing a whole new set of characters for whom she – and we – come to feel real affection. Interestingly enough it is in this portion of the novel that the author begins to alternate the points of view and we begin to see the trouble caused by Mary’s lust for fine clothes and the honest lifestyle of the country. Throughout the novel Donoghue touches on a larger social theme, the idea that “everyone – man, woman or child – prostituted themselves one way or another.” She does not get caught up on making Mary’s tragic flaw something larger like pride or vanity; she simply has an addiction to the finer things in life. What girl can’t relate to her in some small way?

Sex andby Bianca theFlores Campus What is it about FSU’s campus that makes people think it’s a good place to have sex? Maybe I’m just missing what’s so sexy about your roommate passed out in her bed five feet away from you. Take my advice kids. FSU dorms are not the best place to get it on, and I bet your roommate agrees with me. These are your (and some of my own) tragic stories of failed or just funny attempts at mixing sex and the campus. Last year, through some magical flub in paperwork, I was lucky enough to get a room to myself at Seminole Oaks. My suitemates were sweet as pie; we even decorated our bathroom together. I had great expectations for the year and my living situation. Soon enough, I found out the walls were paper thin, it was hardly a pleasant discovery. Another surprise further shattered my dorm dreams. One unfortunate evening when I had a few people over and we were watching a movie strange noises started coming from the bathroom. Now I’ve heard unfortunate noises from the bathroom before, but you learn to easily forgive, because we’re only human and everybody has to go. But these were very different noises. These were sex noises. Someone was having sex in my shower! I later found out it was my teeny suitemate Ruby* who reminded me so much of my little cousin. I even met, who I assume was the boy (which was awkward). That night would not be the last time. The worst part was going to take a shower the next morning. Luckily enough Tara*, the other suitemate, was a bleach-a-holic, so I could give the shower a few good squirts and try not to think about what I’d heard the night before. *Names have been changed to protect the ridiculous. Do you have a funny, awkward or embarrassing story? Send me your Sex and the Campus stories at I may have to edit some of your stories for length or clarity, also let me know if any names or locations have been changed.

Four of the possible fresh faces for Pope.


April 2005  
April 2005  

Editorial Board: JP, Kelsey, Anna, Brody, Sarah, Cassie, Nialls, Alex To hide maimed troops, the U.S. flies them home under cover of darkness...