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March Issue Welcome (Back)

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EDITORIAL Making an Impression I farted. My first pathfinder camp, in a tent with an unfamiliar bunch of girls, in a new town and I farted. As a fourteen year-old newbie I was mortified; a more unfortunate first impression was unheard of. Awkward in the extremity, glances shot around the tent, which had quickly become a Dutch oven, awaiting confession from the tooter. I couldn’t hold it in. A smirk turned to laughter, and soon the situation turned hysterical. And just like that, we were friends. Who knew a simple pop off* could break down barriers and build buddies? From the hype of the holidays to the reality of College life, I welcome you, peer pupil. For first years, this last week must have been a hectic week of first impressions: discovering the realities of enrollment dramas, caf food, library ladies, long lectures, speed ‘friending’ shenanigans, initiation rituals, etcetera (it’s okay if you still don’t know what’s going on — honestly, none of us do, we’ve just become good at pretending). I hope you’ve been impressed by Avondale, and I hope you are similarly impressed with The Voice. This is your magazine; your commentary on life in and outside the “bubble” that is Avondale College. I encourage you to become part of it – send me your words, your photos, your comments and feedback. What were your first impressions of Avondale? Have you had an awkward first meeting that can trump mine? Write me. *Does anyone else call breaking wind a ‘pop off’?

Editor Lara Campbell Graphic Designer Jorden Tually Assistant Editor Charlotte O’Neill Writing Contributors Anna Beaden Bianka Costigan Brayden Kent Cassie Rogers Claudia Houstoun Emily Dehn Josh Wood Jorden Tually Lawson Hull Mark Singh Photo Contributors Chloe Lwin Rachel Slade Joel Slade Talyse Cameron (Cover) Special Thanks Colin Chuang Pauly’s Pizza Spotify Snake vs. Croc vids No Thanks Spin Class butt bruises 8am classes Schapelle Corby Rego day heat exhaustion Olives

Lara Campbell The Voice Editor The views and opinions expressed in The Voice are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of Avondale College of Higher Education.

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08_ Let’s Talk About Sex

Letter To The Editor



The Bachelor{ette}

I’m Seeking Asylum Too!

A qwerky little article where we interview some of Avondale’s best quality bachelors.

15_ 1st Year Problems 16_ Rant & Rave 17_ Beneath The Mask

10_ #AVONDALEXP Your summer shots on display.

18_ While You Were Sleeping

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contributor corner


Bianka Costigan

Welcome (back)!

Aunt B tells it like it is: SEX. (Page 8)

The best holidays are memorable ones. Maybe you visited uncharted lands. Maybe you worked to pay this semester’s dorm fees. Or maybe you enjoyed some well-deserved and overdue relaxation time.

Josh Wood Josh reminds us who the real asylum seekers are. (Page. 13)

Jorden Tually First year? You need to read this. (Page. 15)

Claudia Houstoun Claudia has a passionate rant over hippie pants. (Page. 16)

Anna Beaden Anna can’t get enough sultanas. (Page 16)

Cassie Rogers Cassie pulls off the masks to reveal the criminal within. (Page 17)

These holidays I had the opportunity to visit Clive Palmer’s ‘Palmersaurus’ dinosaur park on the Sunshine Coast. Walking beside the creatures, hearing the sounds, smelling the damp forest floor, there was no doubt Clive had put a lot of heart into this project. Although some have ridiculed him for carrying through with such a ludicrous idea, his perseverance is testament to his passion. It got me thinking: what ideas are we passionate about? What visions would we pursue, no matter the cost? What, in our heart of hearts, drives us forward each moment? We are a campus united by faith: faith in God, in ideals, in the power of lasting change for the better. This is what makes us unique among many other universities. We don’t just talk it out, we live it out. It is my hope that this semester we may grow in this faith more, making an even greater impact on the world in which we live.

“Mitch Strahan is Avondale’s Student President and is here to help! He also finds Arab clothes surprisingly comfortable and is horrible with technology.” Mitchell Strahan Avondale College President

5 What were the best things and the worst things that happened to you during the holidays? The best thing was getting my P plates after 2 years on my L’s. The worst would be re-dislocating my shoulder fighting for my life on the worm at summer camp! Sunny Thapa Best: Traveling to different parts of the world and Australia. Worst: Ear infection in the Philippines, and cancelled flights. Luke Bacon The best thing definitely was summer camp – meeting new people, challenging myself and carving out a deeper relationship with God. Worst was being separated from friends. Sophia Husband Best: Had best friends from overseas stay over, joined a Fight Club (Medieval style), made many friends and discovered the secret to making Weiss Mango ice-cream. Worst: mochas migraines. Bianca Reynaud The best thing was volunteering at the VicYouth summer camp. I left summer camp on such a big spiritual high. My worst thing about

my holidays was making hot beverages for customers on 40+ degree days. Cherie Tamanalevu The best experience I had in the break was climbing a waterfall in the Blue Mountains! Worst experience? Working as a builder’s labourer in 40-degree heat! Leathan Fitzpatrick Saw The Hobbit 2, learnt to play the uke, did my first 5 hour drive, learnt to surf, met heaps of new people, ate half my weight in ice cream and went back to work. Tara McIntosh Best: Going on a date. Worst: Going to a Indian restaurant and waiting over an hour for a dish of rice and curry at a price of $23! Jan Weekes Best thing was falling in love. Worst thing was falling out of love. Callum Thomas

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Vox Pop

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THE BACHELOR{ETTE} Emily Dehn n. happy, enthusiastic and positive. Emily lives just across Dora creek, second house on the right. G’luck boys. Would you date a shorter guy? I would, if they made up for it in other areas. Do you follow your head or your heart? I would say... heart What’s your ideal date in 10 words? Wakeboard then snowboarding, burritos and Blazers NBA game, then 1v1

What do v look for in a guy? Sense of humour is pretty up there! Pretty much the typical, easy to talk to, fun to hang out with, and if they like doing out-door stuff or playing sports that’s awesome!

Upon meeting someone new, what is your general rule on how long till you can start dating? I think its good to be friends first! So just hanging out and get to know them as a friend and then after you can take it to the nek level. Then take them on the typical college date listed below. Who do you think is the most eligible bachelor? Damo Hedges or Kenny Watson Do you expect the guy to pay on a first date? No Sir! But if they want to, I wouldn’t complain haha What do you think is the most cliché thing to do for a date (around college)? It would definitely involve ‘going for a walk’ around Sandy creek track. Then going to Tuggerah and getting something to eat and then watching a movie. Then a Maccas run afterwards. Something like that! What do you think of guys with long hair? Thor has long hair. What is your most attractive feature? I have a birthmark that looks like a


Brayden Kent n. sporty, smart and romantic

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Brayden resides in Watson Hall, Dorm number 232. His phone number is 0478297602. You’re welcome.

Do you follow your head or your heart? I definitely follow my heart. When you follow your head you overthink things way too much and end up missing out on a great experience... What’s your ideal date in 10 words? The girl saying it’s the best date she’s ever had. Upon meeting someone new, what is your general rule on how long till you can start dating? There is no rule in my opinion- if you know it’s meant to be just go for it! Why prolong that awkward we-like-eachother-but-aren’t-official stage?

How long do you think you should be together before you get married? Marriage is a huge commitment so I believe you should be 100 percent sure they are the right partner before you jump into it. It’d probably take me a few years to know that for sure. Would you date a girl that’s better than you at all sports? Umm I don’t know! To start with I don’t think a chick that’s better at sports then me would even find me attractive. Who do you think is the most eligible bachelorette at College? I’d have to say my cousin Annalise is, good luck to all the boys chasing her, she’s quality!

Where would you take a girl on a first date at College? I know its cliché, but a picnic overlooking Lake Macquarie at sunset is what I would do, nothing better then nature, good company and good food! What are your top three qualities that you have to offer the ladies? I’m not sure I even have three. Probably fun, interesting to talk to and romantic when I’m feeling it. Which accent do you think is the most attractive? Swedish accent all the way!! What do you look for in a girl? Fun loving, active, kind hearted… and I would be lying if I didn’t say attractive to me. interviews by. Mark Singh (the love doctor)

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Let’s talk about sex Bianka Costigan aspires to throw a hot dog off the top of the Empire State building, is terrified of fish and knows nothing about diseases of the patella. by. Bianka Costigan

Last week I had the sex talk with my kids. Granted, they already knew which parts boys have and which parts girls have, but this was the talk where the mechanics of it were discussed in far greater detail. Once all the squirming and giggling had finished (yes, penis is a funny word), I was confronted with an intense question: “Mummy, when is it the right time to have sex?” My immediate response was to declare, “When you’re married!” but I knew that would just end in confusion (my daughter was born to a teenager who had only been married for three months). Instead, I stopped the conversation momentarily and prayed at the speed of light for the best answer. I wanted to share something that was Godly, but that also didn’t condemn my child who was clearly conceived out of wedlock. Ultimately my response to my kids came down to this:

your decisions about sex will be easier to make in a committed relationship with God, and with firm boundaries in place about your bodies long before sex or touching is even on offer. If I can be controversially honest for two minutes, the majority of the conversations I’ve overheard and had with fellow College students over the last two years have been about sex: Hooking up - and regretting it Sleeping together - and regretting it, Gossiping about sex Sexting, and, Students whose personal lives became public domain after a nasty break up. To be perfectly frank – I’m well over it. So many of our intimate and sexual decisions have ended in broken hearts and debilitating reputations. The gossip that flies around (like wildfire, I might add) following a dramatic break up

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or a sordid hook-up session is often crushing and destructive. What is it going to take for someone to stand up and finally address this issue at College? I mean seriously will this still be the case when my daughter is here?

decided to be way more firm with my boundaries about my body and boys. Having been on the receiving end of a public break up during my first year at College, I also know how intense it can be to be scandalised.

I’m absolutely not pretending for one second I’m perfect and pure either; I am just as accountable as everyone else at College. I wonder how much hurt I would have saved myself if I had just

Comrades, it’s a new year, which means all of us have the chance to intentionally change the status quo with any sex or gossip issues at Avondale. So think about it: where do your boundaries

with your body lie in 2014? Will you remove your link in the rumour chain? And for the love of all things sacred, remember this: one day every decision you’ve made about your body will come flooding back into your mind when you’re having the sex talk with your children.

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#Avondalexp Tag YOur PHOToS Too!

- One Mission Philippines a quick snap with some of the crew that went summer break.

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#AVONDALEXP Hashtag your photos and get them featured in the next issue!

- Kenny Watson with his moustache & new friend.

- One Mission Brazil a shot of the chicks at the salt flats.

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I’m Seeking asylum too! Josh Wood’s most embarrassing moment was riding his bike into the back of a parked car, he aspires to win an oscar, and is proud of his receding hairline. by. Josh Wood

In late February, a riot broke out at Manus Island, PNG, at one of a myriad of offshore detention centres operated by the Australian Government. This riot resulted in severe injuries to many asylum seekers and the death of a 23-year-old Iranian, Reza Berati. Berati was likely ‘a boat person’, perhaps even ‘queue jumper’ if you prefer, but more importantly, and far too often forgotten, Berati was first and foremost a human being. The Australian Government, and by extension its people, have for too long dehumanised those legitimately seeking asylum from persecution and atrocities we couldn’t possibly fathom. Yet, instead of assisting those in desperate need of help, we (the Australian people) continue to allow these people to be used as pawns in the political arena. With all of this in mind, what are we, as a church doing about this? Simply put, nothing. I mean, why would we, what do refugees have to do with Christianity and Christian history? It’s not as if we believe in a Divine Being who came to this earth some 2000 years ago and then had to flee from his own birth-

place to Egypt because of a threat on His life. Oh, wait a second… (Matthew 2:1-14). Likewise, as citizens of this world, aren’t we, too, ultimately seeking eternal asylum, safety and comfort through Jesus Christ? Given we understand the eternal need for asylum, surely then we can empathise with the plight of people requiring asylum today. It’s time both sides of politics come out and say, “We’ve stuffed up on this issue!” It’s also time Adventists, and more broadly, Christians, stop sidestepping politics because it’s too ‘worldly’ and start advocating for the rights of those who have little-to-no ability to advocate for themselves. “Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me - you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40 (MSG)

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1st Year Problems Jorden specialises in pretending he knows everything, because the reality is quite the oppisite. by. Jorden Tually

A comprehensive guide to fast track your first year knowledge. “Chaff” is not the burning sensation you get on your legs after wearing wet boardies for too long. It’s Avondale’s way of saying prank, hoax or trick. Your favourite sport is basketball. Always has been, always will be, right? Lovers’ Ledge is a hotspot for couples around campus. Located around the back of the library it is a great place to watch the sunset or get some privacy, if you know what I mean! But be careful, I may have walked in while it was occupied late one night… Never go to a social on time. Always rock up around 30 minutes late for the perfect entry and skip the awkward ‘I’m too cool for this’ segment. FOMO is a massive part of your life so you have to learn to deal with it. If you have class on a Friday you will experience this feeling weekly. 7:28 is the Friday night worship service; it starts at 7:48pm and is a great place

(to socialise with the opposite sex). When someone says “FOF” to you, they are not telling you to go away in an impolite manner. They are abbreviating ‘Festival of Faith’, Avondale’s week of worships. If you never want to eat alone, follow this timetable… Breakfast: Well, if you turn up to breakfast you better bring a mate cause NO ONE goes to breakfast. Lunch: 11:55am is the perfect time. You miss the 12pm rush and still have many people to sit with. Dinner: 5:30pm is an ideal time to go, but no later otherwise you will be alone. When someone tells you there is “fasian” for dinner, that’s a good sign you should eat out! Ohh… and when someone tells you to go to the White Building, don’t just look for the first white building you see. You have to find the only building that isn’t white (found in the center of campus).

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Rant & RAVE RAVE. + I have finally discovered the best study food. I thought I would share it to save you hours of time trying to discover it for yourself. You can thank me later. The answer lies in… sultanas. Legit. Now it may sound crazy but you should trust me. These are the instructions: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Grab a handful of sultanas Put them in your mouth Push them to one side of your mouth Let them rest together in the small air pocket of your cheek Every five or so minutes pull a sultana out and munch on it Soak in the wonderful succulent flavours bursting forth Repeat steps for 5-6 hours.

And there you have it; hours of enjoyment that will turn any daunting study session into an oasis of happiness and bliss. Anna loves uniquely shaped hedges (and regular ones too), knows nothing about politics and aspires to make a snowball and throw it at someone, then build a snow man and just be around snow in general.


RANT. Hippie pants. The result of a crossbreeding of a nappy and pyjama pants. Made in Cambodia, sold in Cambodia, but worn by no Cambodians, they have somehow become evidence of a ‘cultural experience’. Although you may enjoy the feeling of the crotch of your pants swinging somewhere between your ankles, Hippie pants have only three effective uses. They usefully communicate that you a) are having an off-day, b) are deep enough not to care that you look like a caterpillar, and c) have probably been to South-East Asia. (On a side note, if yours were actually $25 from Ice, just smile and say they’re from your recent mission trip to East Timor). There’s nothing wrong with clothes from Cambodia, but if they’re psychedelic potato sacks worn with that brand of faux-hippy pretentiousness, they’re best saved for wannabe gypsies in Byron Bay. Claudia enjoys whistling loudly, running to Bollywood music and eating Promite, the superior yeast spread. She also owns multiple pairs of aforesaid pants.

Beneath the Mask Cassie Rogers is an expert on procrastination, wants to become a charity-starting millionaire, and doesn’t know what she knows nothing about. by. Cassie Rogers

During my recent travels to Europe, I met the policeman responsible for capturing Cody Legebokoff — the youngest serial killer in Canadian history. The well-respected 19 year old, without so much as a speeding ticket, was charged with the murders of four women. His friends, hockey teammates, girlfriend and loving family did not suspect a thing. This got me thinking — in a world that seems to be getting socially smaller, we are bound to have crossed thieves, frauds, and maybe even a serial killer; all the while being completely oblivious to it. Throughout life, there are those you truly connect with and break down all barriers for — the ones that go beyond the surface. But do you really know who they are? Deep down, beneath outward appearances, they may be an entirely different person to whom you see. Your best friend, your uncle, the local grocer, that waiter you’ve been checking out — are they really who you perceive them to be? You can never truly know for sure, can you?

As I sit here writing this in the airport terminal, I look to the people around me and can’t help but wonder who they are beneath the mask. Real world criminals are not given the stereotypical villainous appearance you see on television — the stern face, unforgiving eyes and perhaps a scar down the cheek. No, they are regular civilians like you and me. Who knows, the young man sitting opposite me with the kind face and cute smile may be filled with a dark hidden agenda. Maybe life is just one big masquerade party and when we look at others we only see the carefully crafted mask.

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While You were sleeping Charlotte O’Neill eats steamed peas for breakfast, can’t stand people who leave food on their face and has a passion for hot chips. by. Charlotte O’Neill

In a wild prank, sculptors constructing a statue of the late Nelson Mandela designed a small rabbit “signature” to sit in Mandela’s ear. The sculptors were banned from signing the construction, and the South African Government has ordered the “rabbit signature” removed. They hope that the integrity of the statue will very soon be restored.

1 in 5 Seoul women have undergone cosmetic surgery, but expensive beautifications have driven many young South Korean women to experiment with DIY procedures. In an effort make the eyes appear bigger, some young women are forcing their eyes to stay unblinking for hours on end, using glasses and glue, in substitute for costly ‘double eyelid’ surgery. A six-dollar jaw squeezing roller device is also used to push the jaw into a fashionable ‘oval’ form.


Gassy Cows ford, Germany. The shed housed around 90 cows, and their combined belching and farting created high levels of methane, which exploded from a static spark. Only one cow has been treated for injuries.

“It’s unusual, but people respect me and bow before me because of it… I feel special.” A man with a tail is being worshipped as a god in Alipurder, India. His long tail of lower back hair and occupation climbing trees picking tea leaves has caused the conspiracy that he is a divine monkey god. Although the tail attracts many visitors with its alleged healing qualities, his wife fails to find him attractive: “He doesn’t look good… I had to compromise and marry him.”

$185,000 The profits of a Japanese man’s year long burglary spree which he used to feed his 120 cats a gourmet diet. Students sitting the HSC in 2013 have been found to have the same anxiety levels of the average psychiatric patient during the 1950’s. These findings give leverage to teacher claims that their students are mental cases.

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Police are blaming flatulent cattle for the explosion farm shed in Ras-

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March Issue 2014 - The Voice