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Master cheater spills secrets

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Fisher returns to Trojans

DSC dubbed Sodexo Center

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Foolish Visit us Online Volume LXXXV Number XII

News in a


The Office of Student Housing has scheduled a hunting expedition to capture the wild spotted-striped snipe at 10 a.m. Saturday, April 6 in the woods along Coleman Creek. The elusive fowl has evaded avid UALR hunters for more than a century, but after a chance sighting by a UALR student, the housing office finally rallied together enough support for an armed snipe hunt. Students interested in joining the hunt should contact the housing office at (501) 069-0123. The Department of Exotic Botany will commemorate Earth Day, April 22, by planting carnivorous oaks throughout campus, said Diana Muscipula, the department chairperson. The exotic botany department is spearheading the endeavor, while borrowing biology students as free labor. Muscipula chose carnivorous oaks because of their scare factor, which is projected to deter vandals. Student Government Association passed a bill on April 1 mandating that all doors on campus be converted to revolving doors by May 2013. The organization posted its official statement for the purposes of the policy on their UALR website. Supporters of the revolving door conversion should donate at least $100 to the Revolving Door Policy Fund. The Astronomy Club is sponsoring UALR’s first lunar landing May 32. Fifty lucky students will board the Trojan spacecraft en route to the moon. Students can sign up at the Sodexo Student Center Information Desk by April 15. There is a $2,000 application fee, but the six-month-long voyage is free.

Index The Foolish Forum Almost News 2 Nearly News 3 Not Really News 4

The University of Arkansas at Little Rock’s Student Newspaper

Tiger found in campus greenhouse Sarah De Clerk Foolish Editor

The Venus flytrap was not the only carnivore in the campus greenhouse March 12, when a group of biology students opened the door to an eight-foot, 300-pound Bengal tiger. “When we opened the door we kind of heard this low rumble,” said Sue Denim, 23, a biology major, who was part of the group that discovered the tiger. “Then I saw this orange blur moving behind the plants, running toward us. It was a tiger, so we all got out of there fast.” “I’ve always been a sucker for strays, so I figured the poor thing just got locked in there over the weekend and was probably hungry,” she said. Denim called the Diamond Cafe, which provided 50 pounds of meatloaf for the hungry feline. After eating, the tiger was much calmer, Denim said. Denim then brought in local veterinarian Mark Suffix, who said the animal was in good

See TIGER, page 2



Breaking News The UALR Forum Photo Galleries @TheUALRForum

Trojan Sports

Biology students found a 300-pound Bengal tiger in the University’s dilapidated greenhouse March 12. The tiger, named Lantara, is in very good health, says local veterinarian. Photoshopped by Byron Buslig

Coleman Creek to open for whitewater rafting

Foolish Editor

Foolish Editor

Coleman Creek, the surging waterway that divides campus, is more than an obstacle for students on their way to class; the creek opened for rafting and other water sports April 1, said Walter Foamy, president of the Summer Water Exploration and Adventure Team. Foamy founded SWEAT in spring 2012. The team now has 30 members, he said. SWEAT used to float the rivers near Little Rock, but Foamy said he is excited that they now have an on-campus place to practice. “It’s just so great that [the university] has finally opened up this resource. I guess they must have gotten tired of me dragging my raft into the pool,” he joked. SWEAT spent the last six months charting the waters, he said. The creek enters campus near lot 13 and runs south to the Trail of Tears Park. Its campus stretch features rapids, waterfalls and islands, Foamy said.

See CREEK, page 2

Student go for a test run maneuvering the rapids on the Coleman Creek, which opened for recreational use April 1. Photoshopped by Byron Buslig

Cell usage to be banned on campus Kimla Lemmons Chancellor Joel Anderson has announced that starting in the fall semester of 2013, all cell phone usage will be banned from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. Anderson cited several reasons for the ban, such as classroom disruptions and distractions to other people. The distraction of people due to headphones or ear buds makes them unaware of their surroundings; which can lead to fatal or near fatal car accidents and higher incidents of campus crimes. Most importantly the chancellor stated that he wanted UALR students to return to the fundamentals of learning. When asked exactly what he meant, he simply stated that he wanted students to spend more time in the campus library researching information the old-fashioned way instead of

Golden tablet uncovered under admin building Sarah De Clerk

Sarah De Clerk

Foolish Writer


Monday, April 1, 2013

instantaneous results that can be retrieved from a cell phone. He also said that a recent study of students who actually check out books from the library showed that virtually no one is utilizing this costly resource. Anderson went on to say that library personnel weren’t being utilized enough to justify their positions and that the university would be forced to cut their positions or raise student tuition costs to justify their salaries. When this issue was brought before the university’s board of trustees it was met with great optimism. The board unanimously passed the ban. Board member Verisenn Sprint said “Technology is a good thing, but the use of fundamental resources such as dictionaries and thesauruses was better tools for higher learning”. Anderson expressed concern that enrollment may be

down slightly in the fall semester due to this ban, however he feels that this ban will set the precedence for other colleges and universities. “This type of ban has been in place in other countries such as India and it has resulted in higher rates of graduation,” he said. The chancellor has refused to meet with student government officers saying that, “he ultimately has the final word and that there really was no point in holding a time-consuming meeting that would not change his decision.” “In the past UALR has joined other institutions of higher learning and businesses where the general public was put at risk because of the careless and inconsiderate behavior of a few people in banning smoking on their campuses,” he said. “In this instance we will be setting the trend instead of following it.”

Secretary Lola Fools found a 2-foot square, 50-pound solid gold tablet under the administration building March 13, campus officials said. The recent construction unearthed the tablet after what is thought to have been over 250 years, said Paul Pages, historical linguist and legend specialist. The tablet is covered in cuneiform writing, but is not from ancient Sumeria, but 18th century Bulgaria, Pages said. “This is a very exciting find. I’ve been interested in the legend of Schtik’s tablet for quite some time,” Pages said. According to legend, Bulgarian Prince Ivan Schtik commissioned the tablet, written in the obscure language, as a generous but infuriatingly puzzling gift for King Louis XIV of France, Pages said. The king, unable to find meaning in the tablet, sent it to his new colony, which eventually became Arkansas, Pages said. “His governor here probably had it buried to keep it from being stolen by Indians or competing European colonizers,” Pages said. The spot where they buried it happened to become UALR’s administration building. Fools said she found the tablet when she was digging through the construction site, looking for her pen. “I only had the one pen, and when I realized I’d left it in my old office, I kind of panicked. But I totally forgot about it when I saw the edge of that tablet sticking up out of the rubble,” she said. Pages is working to translate the tablet, he said. According to legend, the tablet predicts the spot where the tablet is buried will become a great golden city, transformed by a chancellor who is thought to be named on the tablet, Pages said. Thus far, however, his translations have only yielded a recipe for turning shredded newspaper into gourmet coffee, he said. “It’s pretty good actually,” Pages said, sipping his cappuccino.


Almost News

Monday, April 1, 2013

How to cheat and NOT get caught, former Harvard student tells all

Tiger, continued from page 1 health, other than a bit of indigestion from the meatloaf. The tiger is a female, he added. Suffix said that he can only speculate on how the tiger came to be in the greenhouse. The department of public safety is looking into the matter, but has no leads so far, Officer Molly White said. The tiger is currently in the care of Margo Faknam, animal behaviorist with the department of psychology. Faknam runs a nonprofit rescue organization for exotic animals called “By the Toe.” Faknam said she named the tiger “Lantana,” after an orange flower. Lantana is a very sweet,

KenDrell Collins

Foolish Assistant Editor

UALR students flooded the Student Service Center Auditorium to hear a former Harvard student give cheating advice on Thursday, March 28. Antonio McReynolds, nationally known for his best selling books “Outsmarting Your Professor” and “How I Almost Graduated from Harvard,” gave a lecture to an audience of nearly 500 UALR undergraduates. After being ousted from Harvard University nearly three years ago, McReynolds has decided to dedicate his life to ensuring that no college student ever gets caught cheating again. Oddly enough, instead of denouncing this taboo practice, he provided several tips guaranteed to fool professors. McReynolds noted that the trick to cheating is to plan ahead. “Don’t procrastinate!” he said. “If you know you’re going to cheat, you have to create the illusion that you know everything the teacher is saying. That way, the professor will never suspect a thing.” He said the best cheaters ask questions during lectures and always sit in the front of the class. The first tactic he mentioned was the “Blind Bamboozle.” This particular method requires a little work, but the benefits are immeasurable said McReynolds. “You know how the professor usually allows students to use a blank sheet of scratch paper on tests, right? Well, I recommend that you learn to read braille and write all your study notes on the scratch paper. It will appear white, but all the answers will be right there as you scroll your fingertips across the page.” Considering the fact that most cheaters do not care to put that kind of effort into their crime, McReynolds offered another sneaky yet simple trick. Most people like to use mechanical pencils on exams, but McReynolds says that the trusty #2 pencil was his best friend during his college days. “I love wooden pencils,” he noted. “They break. And when your pencil breaks, you have to sharpen it.” He said that a trip to the pencil sharpener is prime time for perusing the exams of individuals who look like they know what they are doing. McReynolds warned the students not to make it too obvious. With practice, he

smart cat, she said, but she cannot afford to shelter the tiger long-term. “Just feeding her costs about $700 a week,” Faknam said. Faknam is currently looking for a wildlife reservation that can take Lantana. In the meantime, she is training the tiger to respond to verbal commands, she said. Lantana has already learned to sit, roll over and shake paws, she said. “She really is one of the smartest cats I’ve ever trained. She responds very well to treats, and she’s a sucker for attention, so that really makes it easier on me. She loves belly scratches,” Faknam said.

CREEK, continued from page 1

Illustration by Byron Buslig

adds, one can get at least five answers during his or her stroll. The “Team Method” is a student favorite according to McReynolds. He recommended that a group of four to five students get together and create a system of cues that correlate with each answer choice. “A cough for A, a sneeze for B, a yawn for C, and a deep sigh for D is one combination,” said McReynolds. The only problem is that with all the sneezing and coughing - classmates may become suspicious and want in on the scheme. Too many people making odd noises or sudden glances might tip off the teacher. According to a national study by the Ledbetter Institute of Higher Education, 93 percent of students cheated at least ten times during their undergraduate career. McReynolds said this a good sign. “Few of your superiors will admit it, but cheating is actually an alternative learning method,” he said. Spending time condensing information to what may be on the test and writing out cheat sheets makes the information more memorable said McReynolds. During the question and

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answer portion of the lecture, freshman zoology major Tate Tatum asked McReynolds about how he finally got caught. Staring at the bottom of the podium, McReynolds recalled that fateful day. “I made a rookie mistake,” he replied regretfully. “By my senior year, everyone knew I was the best in the business. I became so familiar with the material that I thought I didn’t even need to cheat. So I didn’t. In the middle of an exam, a classmate leaned over and asked to see my test. Little did I know, it was the last time I’d ever cheat. I played Angry Birds on my cellphone as he copied the answers, and suddenly the professor appeared from behind. The honor code is strict at Harvard. Ultimately, he was kicked out for cheating and I was expelled for helping. Karma.” Surprisingly, students were not the only ones in attendance. Several professors listened in on the secrets. Professor Adam Zingler, a construction management instructor, said, “I came so that I will know which tricks to look out for. But my fear is that students will get even more creative in the future.”

“The rapids are great and just so much fun,” he said. There are a few Class III rapids, he said, which are difficult to maneuver and can be dangerous. However, there are also milder rapids for inexperienced rafters. SWEAT launched Water Rat, its water recreation rental shop, March 28, he said. The shop is located near lot 13. It looks like something the fish coughed up; it is constructed of repurposed boat planks and netting. The store overlooks a dock, built by SWEAT volunteers, where students can put in their watercrafts. “The students and I decided to go for a minimalist structure. It’s just a shack really, but it has the feel of the river. We worked pretty hard on it, too,” Foamy said. Water Rat rents out the equipment free of charge, as long as rafters pay a security deposit, he said. Students can rent inflatable rafts, canoes, kayaks and inner-tubes, all of which were donated to SWEAT by the Aquatic Society of the South, Foamy said. Water Rat also provides complementary transport back up the river. “Of course the main thing is rafting on inflatable rafts, but people can also canoe and kayak, tube, or just go swimming or have a picnic,” he said. “We’ve already had students swinging into the creek on ropes that they tied to trees.” Students can have high-powered, adrenaline-pumping fun at the north side of the river, or chill out at the south side, where the water is slower, deeper, and more suited for laying on an inner-tube or going scuba diving, Foamy said. He added that land-lovers might enjoy the islands and waterfalls under the bridge near the Kappa Sigma

fraternity house Fishing, however, is prohibited, Foamy said. Campus administrators thought the hooks would present a hazard, he said. In addition, campus environmentalist groups expressed concern that fishing would interfere with the life cycle of the sewage-eating dull fish, a species known to exist only in Little Rock. Floating the creek lets students see scenic spots on campus – like the parking deck, the Bailey Alumni Center and the tennis courts – from a unique perspective. “You might laugh at that, but from the creek, the buildings are just castles in the middle of a jungle,” he said. “It’s also good for education. The students need to get their hands dirty once in a while. Let them play in the mud. A couple of hours out here will do them more good than if they were just sitting in class,” he said. “I think its good for students to have somewhere they can blow off a little steam,” said Ersatz Faux, vice chancellor of academic tomfoolery. “If you stay cooped up on the computer, you start to get crow’s feet, cankles, crimped shoulders and all sorts of other adulthood-related ailments. You’ve got to go out there and live your life.” SWEAT plans to build an additional dock near Trail of Tears Park by the end of spring, Foamy said. To finance the project, SWEAT will host a whitewater rafting race April 5 at 5:30 p.m., he said. The race will begin at the Water Rat and finish at the proposed site of the new dock. Equipment will be provided and all students are welcome to attend, whether they are participating in the race or cheering racers on from the bridges, he said.

Child prodigy to teach engineering class Jacob Ellerbee Foolish Editor

Administrators in the UALR Donaghey College of Engineering and Information Technology have announced they will hire Griffin Thelonious, a 12-year-old child prodigy to teach a class on Advanced Microprocessor Systems. Thelonious, a resident of Goobertown Ark., is a sixthgrade student at Goober Middle School that has a knack for assembling computers from scratch. One afternoon, Thelonious’ parents walked into their son’s room and noticed a desktop computer sitting on the floor. The only problem is, the Thelonious’ don’t own a computer. Their son built the computer with such precision and accuracy, they had him tested in several standardized intelligence tests. The results were conclu-

sive. Mr. and Mrs. Thelonious were surprised to see that the results from the tests show Griffin has an IQ greater than that Thelonious of Albert Einstein. “We’re not really sure how Griffin acquired the intelligence and knowledge to build computers,” said Frank Thelonious, Griffin’s father. “He had a modest upbringing in Goobertown. I work at a local grocery store and my wife works as a florist.” Administrators at UALR got word of the prodigy and received his test results earlier this year. They thought hiring Thelonious would be a great acquisition for the already diverse campus and beneficial

in the recruiting process for future students. Griffin said he is already looking forward at the opportunity to teach at UALR. “I am super excited to teach at UALR! I heard some of the students are old enough to be my grandparents!” “I wonder if some of the basketball players will give me their autographs- I am a huge fan of the Trojans,” the 12-year-old genius added. Critics have already spoken out and said the hire was strictly a public relations move for the university. Kip Bayless, a critic that writes for the Arkansas Generator, wrote of his suspicions with the validity of Griffin’s genius-level intelligence . “There is no way this kid is a genius,” Bayless writes. “It just doesn’t add up.” UALR administrators deterred the criticism and simply stated, “Griffin Thelonious will begin his tenure at UALR during the fall 2013 semester.”

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DSC switches hands, renamed Sodexo Center Alexis Williams

Foolish Assistant Editor

As of Monday, April 1, the Donaghey Student Center will be renamed the “Sodexo Center” (abbreviated SC), and Sodexo must approve all Donaghey Student Center-related activities before they can officially be scheduled. In a public meeting on March 29, newly-appointed Sodexo Center Director Sarah Bellum announced that students must address all Sodexo employees, irrespective of age, as “Lord” or “Lady.” The renaming of the Donaghey Student Center as Sodexo Center was the executive decision of Culinary Relations Chairwoman Vena Cava. “I decided that Donaghey Student Center sounded like a Greek acropolis instead of a multi-use facility. Also, SC is faster to say than DSC. So just like that, I changed it.” Cava holds authority to make such a monumental decision because, working as a part-time social commentator in addition to Culinary Relations chairwoman, she is the only patron who pays the $2,000/day light bill on the Sodexo Center. By renaming the center, she essentially gives Sodexo Inc. the keys to the entire ex-Donaghey Student Center. Consequently, Sodexo reserves all rights to manage the SC as it pleases. Its first act as parent corporation to the SC was to appoint Bellum as Sodexo Center Director. Upon her appointment, Bellum mandated that, beginning Apr. 1, all activities held in the SC are to be firstly approved by campus Sodexo executives. “It just seems easier to keep our Center running like a well-oiled machine if we have the final say-so in every activity that goes on here. That way, we can keep out all the trash,” Bellum said. Along with Cava and Bellum, several university administrators believed that the name-change would provide


Nearly News 76-year-old man named fraternity president

Monday, April 1, 2013

Hillary Perkins Foolish Writer

New signage reflects the recent renaming of the Donaghey Student Center to Sodexo Center. Along with the change comes a rule requiring Sodexo employees to be addressed as “Lord” or “Lady.” Photoshopped by Byron Buslig

“I think [that] shows a certain kind of respect that the employees have long since been denied.” -Sodexo Center Director Sarah Bellum

an influx of student attendance and positive activity. Among the approving administrators are Provost Zulma Toro-Ramos and Chancellor Joel Anderson. “We were hoping that by making it Sodexo Center, morbidly obese students will be encouraged to explore our gym resources,” Bellum said, “because they might falsely believe it to be some type of all-you-can-eat cafeteria, but then get lured into working

out.” As an incentive, the SC will even offer snacks and sodas as students work out. In the Mar. 29 public meeting, Bellum, who was heretofore employed as Sodexo’s UALR branch supervisor, also announced that all students are required to address the Sodexo employees as “Lord or Lady.” “I think [that] shows a certain kind of respect that the employees have long since been denied,” explained Bellum. “They don’t just serve your food anymore. They also run your fitness and aquatics center, SC bookstore, SC bathrooms, and Ledbetter rooms (now dubbed “Cava caves” or simply “Cavas”). You no longer might be polite to them. Now, you must be polite.” As it turns out, many students are not opposed to this new policy. “I think it’s a magnificent idea,” exclaimed Jacy John-

Police Beat Sodexo Taco Bell held at Twizzlerpoint Sodexo Taco Bell employees were robbed at 2 p.m. March 25 by a woman who claimed to have a gun in her jacket, according to a department of public safety report. The employees saw a large bulge in the woman’s pocket and gave her the money in the register before calling the authorities. When public safety officers caught up with the suspect, they found the $200 taken from the Taco Bell, but no gun. Instead, they found a large pack of Twizzlers in her pocket. Rosy Lye, a 25-year-old student, told the officers she needed the money to pay for eyelash extensions. The department of public safety confiscated the candy and turned Lye over to the Little Rock Police Department.

Students stun way out of midterm To get out of an unexpected midterm March 14, Conner Fett, 21, and Danny Froud, 19, did not play sick; they stunned each other, according to a department of public safety report. While their instructor, Mary Perjure, was passing out the tests, Fett and Froud used their Tasers to stun each other, the report said. Froud, who was hit in the chest, slumped in his seat then fell to the floor, unconscious. Fett, who was hit in the leg, merely screamed an expletive, the report said. Paramedics took Froud to St. Vincent Infirmary Medical Center for emergency treatment. Officers took Fett to the department of public safety for questioning. He was released that afternoon, but both students face disciplinary action.

Fett told police the stunning was meant to look like a mild heart spasm, which was meant to have excused them from the test, the report said.

‘Ghost of Jerry Garcia’ causes disturbance at University Village Multiple University Village residents called police to their parking lot at 1 a.m. March 29 to remove a loud man claiming to be the ghost of Jerry Garcia, according to a department of public safety report. The man has yet to be identified and appeared to be about 50 years old. When public safety officers arrived on the scene, the man was wearing bizarre clothes and brandishing a four-foot wooden staff. When officers approached the man, the report said, he hid in a recycling barrel, yelled “I’m Jerry Garcia in a can,” and rolled down Asher Ave. Officers have yet to find the man, who they suspect was intoxicated, the report said.

Aliens ticketed for parking spaceship in restricted lot Public safety officers ticketed two interstellar students for parking their spaceship in a restricted lot March 25, according to a department of public safety report. The report said that the saucerlike vehicle took up four spaces in the corner of Lot 9. In addition, the vehicle did not have a hangtag to park in the lot. The students, who the report described as 4-foot-tall, green and wearing Hawaiian shirts, promptly moved the vehicle, but may still have to pay the citation.

son, a senior majoring in socialistic government. “It will help us to really appreciate the little guy who is constantly being trampled on by the ungrateful people who go to school here.” Denzel Golden, freshman biology major, nodded in agreement with Johnson. “It will certainly be nice to say something other than Donaghey Student Center all the time. Even DSC is overdoing it. I don’t really mind having to say Lord or Lady. Actually, it’s kind of fun,” he said. The former Donaghey Student Center director was Chris Anthemum, who had served for 27.5 years in his position. According to Bellum, Sodexo paid Anthemum a parting grant of $50,000 to abandon his position without protest. Bellum said that he has since retired to a beach resort town in Bratislava, Slovakia.

The Phi Omicron Omicron Lamda fraternity of UALR will host a ceremony in honor of new president Gregory Henson on April 5 at 7 p.m. at the Verizon Arena in North Little Rock. T h e 76-yearold FOOL president, who has been a part of the fraternity for six months, is the first senior citizen to join Henson this organization. Every year, FOOL has a ceremony for each new president. Henson, who is majoring in media productions, has been a student at UALR since 2010. “I never thought that I would live long enough to see this day,” Henson said. He was battling drug and alcohol addiction for over 40 years and decided to turn his life around. The FOOL fraternity, which is relatively small, was founded in 2005 at the Philander Smith College. In 2007, the fraternity boasted over 100,000 members in Arkansas. Since its introduction to UALR in 2011, FOOL has welcomed 80 new members. “The idea of understanding someone’s past determines their future,” said Don Mayo, who founded the FOOL university chapter. Mayo is a UALR graduate and psychology professor. “This event will bring history to UALR,” said Jonathan Crawford. Crawford, a senior majoring in Biology, has been a FOOL member since 2012. For more information, visit

Student Activities Committee to debut Trojan music festival Sarah De Clerk Foolish Editor

Move over, Bonnaroo. This May, the Student Activities Committee will be hosting a threeday music festival at UALR, featuring big-ticket artists such as the Moldy Stick River Rats, Smith’s Dementia and Silent Y, said Samantha Bugos, event planner for the committee. The festival, dubbed “Trojan Fest,” is scheduled to begin Friday, May 22 and end the following Sunday evening. Primitive camping will be available near Ross Hall, the Fine Arts building and the Bailey Alumni Center. The festival will feature three stages: the main stage in the Jack Stephens Center; a secondary stage on top of the parking deck; and a low-key stage by the Cooper Fountain. In addition, vendors will sell unique items and food in the Donaghey Student Center. There will also be several events throughout the festival. Bugos said the committee is constructing a 50-foot-tall wooden Trojan horse, to be burned Sunday night. The committee is also investigating the environmental implications of making Coleman Creek reactive to black-lights. However, their most extensive project will be the conversion of Stabler Hall into a seven-story art environment. The committee will transform the building so that it will display local art by day and psychedelic glow surroundings at night, Bugos said. “Stabler’s such an amazing building; it’s an amazing space. The first time I saw it I was like, okay, this either needs to be a fest spot or a level of Halo,” she said. “We are really excited. The students won’t even be able to recognize it. It will be like a giant haunted house, but glow-y.” The committee is also bringing in fire dancers and hula-hoopers, as well as the costume creations of designer Marc Suckit-Spacemonster, who legally changed his name in 2002 after having his identity stolen

by aliens. Suckit-Spacemonster’s most famous work is a 100-footlong sequined dragon costume designed to be worn by 20 people at once. Lest we forget the music amid the splendor, a wide range of local and non-local artists will perform during the festival. Although the full line-up has yet to be announced, there are expected to be at least 100 bands, which range from folk to electronic genres. Little Rock’s Moldy Stick River Rats, a blues crossover band, will headline Friday night. Also from Little Rock are The King’s Velvet Slippers, Head Fight and Foxbot. Fayetteville’s Alas my Toe and Shuffle Pretty Pony have already agreed to play at the festival, as well as Conway DJ Angel Purgatory. Out-of-town bands Gad Giant, Ladle Dradles, Smith’s Dementia”and Stork Mouth, and DJs MC Hashtag, Bass Cell and Sir Spunk the Krunk will also perform. But the most anticipated group so far is Silent Y, a franco-punk jazz-fusion rockabilly duo most known for the song, “Six Seconds of Scream.” The duo will headline the main stage Saturday evening. Bugos denied comment on the unconfirmed rumors that Metallica or ZZ Top will perform, but did suggest the committee had some surprises in store. “All I can say now is that we are working with a major, major group and we certainly hope they’ll be able to fit us into their schedule,” she said. Bugos said that the goal of the festival is to promote a feeling of community at the university, and to make sure students see Little Rock not as a prison cell, but as a “cultural sandbox” in which anything can be created. “So many times I see students who are like, ‘ugh I want to get out of here, ugh there’s nothing to do here.’ What I want to do is show them that there can be fun and interesting things right here at home. All we have to do is make them. We have that power in ourselves.”


Not Really News

Monday, April 1, 2013

History of pornography listed in upcoming class schedule David Ellis

Foolish Writer

After 17 years playing in the NBA, 38-year-old Derek Fisher will return to play with the Trojans while studying for a master’s degree. Ticket sales are expected to increase 30 percent, according to officials. Photoshopped by Justin Rowland

Fisher to return to Trojan court Alton Young Foolish Writer

UALR officials have recently learned famed basketball player Derek Fisher will return to the basketball team this fall. Because of a loophole discovered in the NCAA guidelines, the communications graduate will resume his college basketball career. The former five-time champion and member of the Oklahoma City Thunder was preparing to return to school for his master’s degree when the rule exception was discovered. Fisher plans to retire from his 17-year career in the NBA after the end of his playoff run. The Thunder brought Fisher in for a second season with hopes that his leadership will help the Thunder win its first NBA championship.

The UALR basketball team is hoping to use that same leadership along with Fisher’s popularity to inspire the team to win a Sun Belt title. The former Sun Belt player of the year is ready for a new — or in this case, old — challenge. Because of the NBA’s “one and done” rule implemented after Fisher joined the league, he has gained an additional year of eligibility. “Since I was going back to school anyway, I figured I might as well have a little fun while I can still play the game,” Fisher said. There is also the question of how the 38-year-old pointguard will fit in with his young teammates. Some are young enough to be sons of the player, who will be 39 by the start of the season. Regardless of age, there is little doubt of the

extensive impact Fisher will wreak on the courts. The team will soon be projected favorites to win this year’s conference title due to Fisher’s flawless three-point shooting and court leadership. But will Fisher’s body continue to hold up during the new season? “I don’t think it will be a problem,” Fisher said. “It’s a lot different than playing an 82-game NBA season. I stay in pretty good shape throughout the off-season. I’ll be ready. Actually, I can’t wait.” According to some sources, Sun Belt officials can’t seem to wait either. The projected ticket demand for next season’s Trojan games have allowed them to raise prices by almost 30 percent in some arenas. No officials could be reached for comment.

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A new class has been added to the Department of History’s roster for the fall semester. The History of Pornography will be offered on Fridays from 6-8:40 p.m. The History of Pornography will be an upper level undergraduate and graduate class. It is two hours long to accommodate a lab. “This is not a fluff class,” said Randle Goldsmith, pornography historian and instructor for the new class. “We will be looking at the development of pornography which did not technically exist until the Victorian era. Examining the beginnings of images of sexual intercourse some of which come from ancient Greek culture. We will also examine development of technologies which enhanced the way such images were recorded.” The class will examine the clash of the cultures from ancient Greece 5,000 years ago with the ideals of propriety in Victorian society. “We will be looking at the mass production and wide array of pornographic materials, and how they have affected society at large, and the possibility that pornography may be changing American culture,” Goldsmith said. The class will cover the many sub-genres of pornography, what constitutes each, and the groups that they appeal to. The sub-genres include but are not limited to soft core, hard core, fetish, mature, ethnic and homosexual pornography. Each of the sub-genres

will offer specific insight into the cultures of their target audiences, and in doing so will help the student gain a deeper understanding of the sexual drives of different people and what that means to society at large. In other words it will give the student a deeper insight into human nature. “That is the goal of the study of history: to observe the actions of humans over time, and to try to understand why they did what they did in order to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves,” Goldsmith said. The real question is how students would react to the new class. Would it be taken seriously, or would students take the class just to see free porn? “I think it would be an interesting class and I certainly would take it seriously,” said Janice Hollbrook, sophomore history major. Carl Hungus, senior leisure studies major, expressed interest in the course for a vastly different reason.“Who wouldn’t want to take a class where you could look at people screwing?” he said. “I would find it a fascinating step away from the norm,” said Mark Ludd, junior fine arts major. While student opinion about the class is as mixed as the sub-genres of pornography, professor Goldsmith’s passion for the subject is apparently contagious, as the class already has a long waiting list. The textbook for the class “Pornography and Society: Dirty is a Subjective Concept” is already on back order in the bookstore.

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