THE TRIBUNE
Friday, December 16, 2016, PAGE 9
The rise and fall of Branetta
MOVE over Brangelina, Bennifer and Brennifer here comes Branetta.
W
ELL, it was bound to happen. In a world that has given us infamous couples like Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez), Brennifer (Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston) and Brangelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie), it was only a matter of time before we spawned our own super couple. Enter Branetta. Branetta, a portmanteau, is the nickname I’ve given to the political courtship of Branville McCartney and Loretta Butler-Turner now that the newly-minted Leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition, Mrs Butler-Turner, has hitched her wagon (of sorts) to the outspoken leader of the Democratic National Alliance (DNA). Unlike the previous couples mentioned, I have no idea what to make of Branetta. Branetta’s ‘hookup’ was unexpected. Branetta dated in secret, and it seems Branetta got married, whirlwind style, after only a date or two. And this is where Branetta starts to resemble the couples I mentioned above, because Branetta already seems headed for divorce. In the few days since Mr McCartney has been given immediate relevance by securing a seat in the Senate thanks to an opposition appointment by Mrs
A Comic’s View
By INIGO ‘NAUGHTY’ ZENICAZELAYA Butler-Turner, the third party leader has taken full advantage; his profile has been lifted (even higher than his ego, if that’s possible) and he has been loud - very loud - in radio, television and newspaper interviews. McCartney has warned all and sundry - namely the Free National Movement (FNM) - not to mess with ‘his gal’ or face his wrath. The FNM can easily become the third party, he cautioned, and as for Butler-Turner’s former political husband, FNM Leader Dr Hubert Minnis, well he should just resign his lousy self in shame, according to McCartney. Now anyone who has ever been caught with a ‘sweetheart’ in this country knows how these situations play out. True to form, Dr Minnis (aka the jilted party) immediately moved to kick his ex-colleague out of their house. And just like a few other vengeful politicians we know, he has predictably tried to take back every single thing he has ever given his former partner; hence, this week, Butler-Turner’s Long Island nomination
was rescinded by Dr Minnis. Oh, boy. There is a passage in the Bible that talks about couples who are unequally yoked. I get the feeling the Bible was talking about Branetta because, while this week has been great for Bran, it has been abysmal for Loretta. What began well enough with a high-profile coronation on Sunday has turned sour for Butler-Turner, who now finds herself in political purgatory. Without a party machinery, how will she win her seat in Long Island next year? Without a seat, how can she possibly become Prime Minister? In rescinding her FNM nomination in Long Island, Dr Minnis has gained temporary custody of the kids. To make matters worse, Minnis (and the FNM) has begun selling off her assets, as it seems my colleague, Adrian Gibson, has already been tapped to get the sweet, ‘safe seat’ at a fire sale price. By the reaction on social media, Long Islanders, like friends who
are forced to choose sides group of ‘friends’. Even Dr after a split, have apparent- Duane Sands, her chamly sided with the good doc- pion in the last leadership tor, and are ecstatic about showdown, seems to have Gibson’s potential candi- resigned himself to parting dacy. ways with her. Still, Branetta does have Branetta (specifically the a card to play. Loretta part) is in a pickle. Loretta Butler-Turner Can Mrs Butler-Turner fill can officially move to Bran’s those remaining opposition house in the DNA. Except, senate seats with FNMs? his family doesn’t like her, Would it be political suiwhich is painfully appar- cide for an FNM to accept ent from the strange but such a position? If she chose impassioned only DNAs for voice notes those posts and comments ‘Meanwhile, then surely she floating around Butler-Turner would be done from ‘lifelong’ is stuck with in the eyes DNAs on Faceof the FNM book. Plus Mc- McCartney. And Council, right? Cartney’s best all of the good So many friend, DNA ‘feelings’ from questions, so Deputy leader few answers Chris Mortim- their unlikely from Branetta. er, doesn’t seem courtship has Meanwhile, too impressed given way to Butler-Turner with her either, is stuck with judging by the the reality of a McCartney. snarky ‘the tenuous future And all of the leadership isn’t good ‘feelings’ for her. Even if changing’ comfrom their unments floating she wanted to likely courtout of his camp dump him, she ship has given this week as way to the recouldn’t. She well. ality of a tenuSo what has to hold it ous future for about her po- together now, if her. Even if litical friends? she wanted to Will the rest of only to save face.’ dump him, she the ‘7 Rebels’ couldn’t. She follow her to the DNA if has to hold it together now, she went there? How would if only to save face. that affect the opposiWhich means, like the tion caucus if they choose lesser celebrity in these not to actually follow her? matchups, McCartney is Let’s face it, Fort Charlotte free to act tough and make MP Andre Rollins already hollow threats that may hurt seems tired of his latest her but can’t harm him. He
can boast about being the “Senate Leader” (whatever that is) and talk all kinds of crazy about things she may not agree with. While she has to grin and bear it. Or (figuratively) slap some sense into him. Or move onto plan B. Like I said, it’s quite a pickle. For all the high-brow talk ofdeepening democracy, we now see a made-fortelevision divorce with all the drama, instrigue and cutthroat maneouvring of a political soap opera. With personal survival as the main goal. If there’s one consolation for Mrs Butler-Turner, Bennifer, Brennifer and Brangelina (pending) all had wonderful (some say better) success after they untangled their names and parted ways. If Branetta doesn’t work out, I have a feeling that a solo Loretta will be fine. Er, just not in Long Island. • Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident standup comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@ tribunemedia.net