Thursday, May 16, 2012
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Be sure to call mama, if you can College football coaches often find themselves being pitchmen for everything from soft drinks to pickup trucks. The late Paul “Bear” Bryant’s weekly highlights show was sponsored by Coca-Cola and Golden Flake potato chips, as well as a bank that doesn’t exist anymore. Bryant would take a swig out of a 10-ounce Coke bottle and grab a few potato chips during the show. I don’t know if it sold many Cokes or chips, but the Bear’s deep voice uttered a clear-cut endorsement of the popular products. There is a video clip on YouTube from the first show of the 1978 season. “I want to thank our sponsors for having us back this year,” Bryant told co-host Charlie Thornton. Like they wouldn’t sponsor one of the most beloved and recognized figures in college football, right. There is also a video of Bryant as the spokesman for Ford trucks. It’s pretty clear they had to speed up Bryant’s slow, deliberate voice to squeeze it in 30 seconds. My favorite Bryant commercial is for South Central Bell, back in the days when phone companies had the name “Bell.” I miss that. “One of the first things we tell our players is to stay in touch with their families,” Bryant said. “When our freshmen first arrive, we ask them to write a postcard home ... right then.” I doubt today if you went through the entire office supply closet at the University of Alabama athletic department, you would find a single postcard today, but this was 30 or more years ago. Bryant went on to say there was always an opportunity to pickup the phone and call home. Then, the coach looks at the camera and closes by saying, “Have you called
Harris Blackwood your mama today? I sure wish I could call mine.” At the very least, I hope you will or have already taken an opportunity to call your mama on Mother’s Day. It has been 17 years since I celebrated the last Mother’s Day with my mama. By Labor Day, we found out she had cancer. Two weeks before Christmas, she was dead. I miss her and it gripes my soul when I hear people griping about having to spend time with their parents. What really gets me is when folks end up in therapy or on some kind of antidepressant because they left things incomplete with one of their parents and suddenly, they were dead. I’m not saying therapy is bad; I’m just saying we create our own mess when it comes to family. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. There are others who get all worked up about what to give their mama as a Mother’s Day gift. As a parent with grown children, I now understand what my mama meant when she said she just wanted her children around her. Folks it is presence, not presents, they want. Go see her, if you can. Hug her neck and tell her once again how much you love her. That’s what mamas want. If you can’t, then call her. Don’t send an email, not even one with pictures of pretty flowers. That’s just wrong. Call your mama, I sure wish I could call mine. Harris Blackwood is a Gainesville resident whose columns appear weekly.
... I now understand what my mama meant when she said she just wanted her children around her. The First Amendment Congress shall make no law respecting establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
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Cure for decency: A taste of soap Recently I was in a bookstore with a friend. We stopped at a table near the front of the store and it was loaded with different books that had such obscene titles that many of the words were expressed as “@?*#.” She picked up one, a New York Times bestseller and said, “This book is ridiculous. I just flipped through and read a few pages. The guy is a real jerk.” I picked up other books. “Look at these. Can you believe there is an entire table of books with obscene words in the titles?” Where has our sense of decency gone? Where is the propriety that called for such ugly words to be used, if uttered at all, in privacy and not violate the dignity of others? Especially ladies? I grew up in a home where the Lord’s name was never taken in vain. Once when I said “Darn,” Mama rose up, drew her shoulders back and said, “I’m gonna wash your mouth out. With Lava soap.” There is no fate worse than Lava soap. It is an extra duty, dark gray soap that Daddy used to wash
Ronda Rich the car grease from his hands every night. It is industrial strength yuck. In thinking about it, I would bet a good Sunday dinner at Louise’s house that my mama never heard the “F word.” Seriously. The last theater movie Mama saw was in the early 1940s when she was dating. After the war and marriage, money was too tight for such frivolity. Then kids came along and money got tighter. And you all know that Clark Gable, Cary Grant and Gary Cooper never used the word. They were too dignified on screen for it. In her later years, Mama had only extended basic cable so she didn’t hear that word there. She certainly never heard it on her favorite show, “Larry King Live,” and no one in our family or outside
of it was dumb enough to use that kind of language around Mama. The only books she read were the Bible and mine and you can be guaranteed that I knew better than to use such language in one of my books. So, I think it’s highly possible that she died never knowing that such a word existed. Wouldn’t it be nice to be that naive? When I went to work in sports reporting and later in NASCAR, I heard that word a lot. Sadly, to the point that I became immune from the sound of it though, at first, the tiny hairs would raise on my arms. Word of caution: Don’t ever listen to a race car driver on the radio if you don’t like profanity. But I can get over all that. I can overlook it when it is used in my presence but I am most grateful for the occasional gentlemen who will catch themselves and say, “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m sorry. That ain’t no way to talk in front of a lady.” What truly takes me aback are kids and teenagers who use language like this, the kind that
my mama never heard. I cringe. My stomach turns. And my heart falls. It’s sad. Of course, they’re probably learning this from movies, books, television shows and at home. Still, there should be some decorum. Or so I, dinosaur and prude that I am, believe. Though I come from hardscrabble folks where education was a luxury, they had enough learning to know that others should be treated with decency and respect. Whenever Daddy was aggravated enormously about something, he would say, “It’s enough to make a man take up cussin’.” Though the occasional cuss word came from his mouth, he never uttered one in front of a woman. Yeah, the world is a dirty place now but it’s nothing that a bar of Lava soap couldn’t clean up. One taste is all it’d take. Ronda Rich is the bestselling author of several books, including “There’s A Better Day A-Comin’.” Sign up for her newsletter at www.rondarich.com. Her column appears weekly.
Welcome to Grad Adviceville, population: You A recent high school or college graduate can’t go to the bathroom without receiving “words of wisdom” from us old folks. I recall my graduation from college, not too many (dog) years ago. I sat in a cap and gown at a graduation and some guy got up before us and said a bunch of stuff like “Be all you can be and you’ll go far,” and “One person can change the world” and “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” Which I haven’t, mainly because I haven’t been able to find a “gift horse.” I assume it to be a horse that doles out gifts. If you see such a horse, please let me know. But none of what that dude said has helped me prepare for my career, for my life, for the real-world issues and conundrums that would come before me. I wish that man had told us that you aren’t supposed to use the boss’s personal bathroom, that you shouldn’t smoke when siphoning gas, that drinking a beer during a job interview is frowned upon and that real jobs don’t have spring break. Those are mistakes that could have easily have
Government contacts U.S. government President Barack Obama, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20500, 202-456-1111,
been avoided. And I don’t want today’s graduates to make the same mistakes my wife made. Thus, in the interests of mankind, I have put together some tidbits of advice that graduates can actually use. It’s my gift to them. Digest: ■■ Don’t ever say “I’m starving” out loud until you know what’s being served. They may be serving liverkabobs. ■■ Trust your instincts. Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, don’t trust your instincts. ■■ Never play cards with someone who has a nickname that includes a major American city — i.e, “Detroit Danny” or “Memphis Mel.” ■■ Personality and your appearance count a great deal. That doesn’t mean you have to be a supermodel. But if you look like a bum, and act like a bum —
you’re a bum. ■■ If you have to break up with your significant other, write them a letter. In that letter, simply put: “Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.” ■■ If you have a chance to further your education, do it. If you receive a twoyear degree, you’ll earn $400,000 more, on average, over your working life than if you just graduated from high school. If you go on to get your bachelor’s (four-year) degree, that’s $500,000 more — meaning, $900,000 more over your life than if you just graduated from high school. If you get a master’s degree, add $400,000 more. Doctorate or professional degree, add $1 to $2 million more. Education is expensive, but it’s the best investment you’ll ever make. ■■ If you have roommates, avoid putting any type of bill in your name. ■■ Don’t make any career decisions solely based on love. Quitting your job and moving to be near them may sound great, until they dump you and you find yourself living in New Jersey.
■■ If you have children now, or plan to have children in the future, don’t let them know that Disney World is in Florida. I’ve told mine Disney World is in China. Children, I’ve found, don’t know anything about geography. They’re stupid like that. ■■ For those going to college: Live as close to campus as you can. By eliminating obstacles, and excuses, you’ll go to class more often. ■■ Gentlemen, don’t ever take a woman to a Brad Pitt movie. No matter what movie it is, no matter what you look like, once you get out of that cavernous theater and she sees you in the light of day, you don’t look so hot. Larry the Cable Guy movies are OK. ■■ Makes decisions on the way you behave by answering the following: “If my grandmother saw me doing this, would she approve?” That may be the best piece of advice you’ll ever receive.
202-456-1414; www. whitehouse.gov Sen. Saxby Chambliss, 416 Russell Senate Office Building, Washington, DC 20510, 202-224-3521, 770-763-9090; chambliss.
senate.gov Sen. Johnny Isakson, 131 Russell Senate Office Building, Washington, DC 20510, 202-224-3643, 770-661-0999; isakson. senate.gov
U.S. Rep. Doug Collins, 513 Cannon House Office Building, Washington, DC 20515, 202-225-9893; 111 Green St. SE, Gainesville, GA 30501, 770-297-3388; dougcollins.house.gov
Len Robbins
Len Robbins is editor and publisher of the Clinch County News in Homerville. His column appears weekly.