THE SOBER EDIT
AuthorsContributing
DavidWilson,widelyknownas"SoberDave,"isa dedicatedalcoholrecoveryspecialistbasedintheUK Afterconfrontinghisownalcoholdependencythat spannedfourdecades,Davetransformedhispersonal journeyintoamissiontoassistothersinachieving sobriety.Heofferscompassionate,evidence-based coachingtailoredtoindividualneeds,drawingfromhis extensivelivedexperienceandprofessionaltraining
AccreditedCoach&TeacherMindfulness|Meditation| SoundTherapy|AlcoholFreeLivingSpreadingkindness &happinesswhereverIcan
Sober Dave Claire Roberts
BeckiLaneisthefounderofTheSoberEdit,a platformdedicatedtoinspiringandempowering individualstoembraceanalcohol-freelifestyle Two yearsintoherownsobrietyjourney,Beckishares personalexperiences,practicaltips,andthoughtful insightstosupportothersontheirpathtomindful living Withapassionforwellness,sustainableliving, andtimemanagement,shecreatesengagingcontent thatresonateswithboththesobercuriousandthe sobercommunity
BasedinOxfordshire,Beckiiscommittedtofostering connection,encouragingself-discovery,andcelebrating thebenefitsofanalcohol-freelife
Duncanhasdonehisfairshareofoverindulgence, strictlyspeakinghe’sdrunkmorethanhisfairshareof wineandeatenmorethanhisfairshareofcake Alongthewayhefoundhimselfinsomeinteresting placeslikeonstagewithS-Club,astintasMayorofhis hometownandmorrisdancinginWestminsterAbbey. After20yearsofover-doingit,hecleaneduphisactand trainedwiththeEasywayclinic,theworld’smost successfulstop-smokingservice
Nowhespendshistimehelpingpeoplepushoverindulgenceoutoftheirlife.
Becki Lane
Duncan Bhaskaren Brown
Allisonspecialisesinanxiety,trauma,andsex&intimacy, withatruepassionforhelpingwomenreleaseguilt, shame,andanxietytolivealifeofpassionandpurpose
Herworkfocusesonguidingwomentomovebeyond thepressuresoftryingtobeeverythingtoeveryone, allowingthemtoembracealifethathonourstheirvalues andpotential
Whetheryou'reahigh-achievingprofessional,abusy mom,ortheoneeveryonereliesonforsupport,Allison helpswomenwhoappeartohaveitalltogetherbutare secretlystruggling Sheprovidestherapyforhealing fromtrauma,anxiety,andstress,aswellascoachingto helpwomenreconnecttotheirinherentworthand highestpurpose
Byhelpingwomenshedold,limitingbeliefsandreplace themwithempoweringnarratives,Allisonsupportsher clientsinrediscoveringconfidence,reimaginingtheir lives,andbecomingunstoppable
Allison Guilbault
FromtheEditor
WelcometotheFebruaryedition!
Oneofthemostpowerfulthingsaboutsobrietyisthatwedon’thavetodoitalone Community,connection,and relationshipsshapeourjourney,helpingusnavigatethechallengesandcelebratethewins
Thismonth,TheSoberEditfeaturestheimportanceoffindingyourpeople Weexplorethepowerofcommunityin sobrietywithSoberDave,tackletherealitiesofgoingalcohol-freewhenyourpartnerstilldrinks,andbreakdownthe barrierstofindingyoursobertribe We’realsohavingopenconversationsaboutsobersexandhowtoovercomethe socialnormsthatoftenmakethislifestylefeelisolating
Sobrietyisn’tjustaboutwhatwegiveup it’saboutwhatwegain Andoneofthebiggestgifts?Thepeoplewhotruly see,support,andupliftus
Hopeyouenjoy!
BeckiLane
Editor,TheSoberEdit
PS.FancygettinginvolvedwithTheSoberEdit-emailbecki@thesoberedit.co
THE POWER OF COMMUNITY IN SOBRIETY
By Sober Dave
Sobriety isn’t something you have to figure out alone In fact, it’s so much easier and a lot more fulfilling when you have people walking alongside you. I’ve seen this firsthand, not just in my own journey but in the lives of the people I coach and the groups I run. A strong community can make all the difference, especially during emotionally charged times like social gatherings or holidays. Connection is what keeps us grounded, and finding your people can help you not just stay sober, but truly thrive
I felt so alone when I was drinking, the last thing I needed was to feel alone when getting sober
A sober community offers something powerful: accountability, encouragement, and shared wisdom. When you surround yourself with people who truly get it, you realise you ’ re not alone. The struggles, the victories, the self-doubt someone else has been there too. That kind of connection is an absolute lifeline.
Accountability is also huge When you share your goals with others, you feel more committed to them It’s not just about you anymore you ’ ve got people rooting for you, and that support can be the push you need on the tough days
Encouragement is just as important. Sobriety is full of little wins, and having people who genuinely celebrate your progress (no matter how small) keeps your motivation alive. And when those hard days come, and they will, your community is there to remind you why you started. Then there’s the wisdom that comes from shared experiences Learning how others handle triggers, navigate relationships, and build fulfilling lives in sobriety gives you insights and tools you might not have found on your own
Holidays can be particularly tough They have a way of amplifying feelings of loneliness or making you long for something familiar even if that “something” wasn’t serving you. This is where community becomes essential. It helps reframe those moments, shifting your focus from what’s missing to what you ’ re gaining. Even something as simple as texting someone who understands can remind you that you ’ re never truly alone.
Finding a community that fits you is personal Some people thrive in local support meetings like AA or SMART Recovery, while others connect through some amazing online groups or social media There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, what matters is showing up, staying open, and allowing yourself to be supported
Sobriety isn’t just about quitting alcohol or substances; it’s about building a life that feels rich, full, and meaningful. And community? That’s what makes it all the more rewarding.
OvercomingSocialNorms
byClaireRoberts
Socially, we’re almost expected to drink Yes, the tide is turning slightly, more alcohol-free (AF) drinks are available, and there’s more support in the AF space, however, the stigma remains.
It’s the only drug you need to justify not taking
Whether you’ve been sober for a while, you’re in the early days, or you’re contemplating life without the booze, here are some comments you’ll hear: “Go on, just have the one!”, “Why aren’t you drinking?”, “Life’s no fun without it!”, “Don’t you get bored?” And many iterations of the same point
But the thing is, people soon stop asking. They soon realise that you’re as much fun (if not more fun as you get used to not drinking and your brain chemistry adapts), and it stops being ‘a thing’.
The more confident and self-assured you are in your non-drinking, the less people care So, own it Believe in the fact that you can have a good time without alcohol. Be the one that sticks to their goal. Be the one who makes other people question their own relationship with alcohol. Be the one who does the hard thing. And be proud of yourself for doing it Preparation and planning is everything - there’s a phrase I remember from my corporate training days: ‘Fail to prepare and prepare to fail’ It’s a little simplistic but the sentiment is spot-on.
Plan what you’ll drink and seek out AF alternatives you will enjoy
Plan your response when people ask why you’re not drinking.
Permit yourself to leave early if you feel tired - being around drunk people when you’re tired is a direct route to feeling miserable Enjoy the sleep Remember your underlying reason for not drinking - to be the best version of yourself, feel healthy, sleep better, be present and calm for your family. You need your ‘why’. It’s your anchor.
Plan something for the morning - a routine to look forward to - a cup of coffee, a book, quiet time, exercise, journalling… or even going for an early run/walk before the world wakes up. Choose something you know will spark that dopamine in your mind and not something that feels like a chore.
Over time, it gets easier to socialise, you form deeper friendships, and you don’t have to sacrifice your health, sleep, money, or mornings to do so.
And then one day, you realise you’re having the time of your life
Getting Comfortable With Sober Sex
ou’vegivenupalcohol Youfeelmoreconfident,emboldenedand beevenunstoppable Butthenthepanicsetsin HowamIgoingto sobersex???Ifthisthoughthascreepedintoyourpsyche,youare lone Butfacingsobersexisnotallthatdifferentfromotherfirsts gettingsober Whileitmayfeelinitiallyunfamiliarandscary,itis atelyexciting,empoweringandliberating Herearesometipsfrom n Guilbault Therapist & Mindset Coach (sober) Licensed Sex apistonfacingthebedroomalcohol-free:
enge your thoughts: If you are on a sober journey, you have ably had a lot of practice challenging thoughts that no longer you Youhaverewrittenstorieslike“Iammorefun(orsocial,or ble)whenIamdrinking”.Youhavereplacedthatfaultylogicwith empoweringtruthsthathonourwhoyoutrulyare,someonewhois eandlikeableandworthywithoutalcohol Nowitistimetodothe ewithintimacy Itislikelythatyouhaveoldnarrativestellingyou youneedalcoholforsex:torelaxyou,makeyoumoreadventurous, confidenteven Butthosearejustthoughts Noneofitisactually Remindyourselfthatalcoholisanumbingagent,bothemotionally physically Sobersexactuallyallowsyoutobemorepresent,more uchwithyourneedsandallowsyoutobettercommunicateand ect That’sprettyhot Knowitisokaytobenervous:Justlikethefirst youwenttoaweddingsober,turneddownyourfirstdrink,ortold firstpersonthatyouwerenotdrinking,theunknowncanbescary ngnervousaboutsomethingnewisunderstandableandvalid But kealltheother“firsts”,whatisstrangeatfirstwillbecomefamiliar overtime Thescariesareonlytemporary,butsobrietyislife-changing
Start slow and communicate: Whether it is with a new partner or someoneyouhavealong-standingrelationshipwith,itisokaytostart slow Kissing, massages, and gentle touching can all help build confidenceinthebedroom Tellyoupartnerwhatyouwant,whatfeels good and what you are uncomfortable with. Don’t be shy about experimenting, either with your partner(s) or in solo play Practice Mindfulness: An excellent benefit of sobriety is you can reconnect to yoursenses.Focusonyourbreath.Feelthetouchofyourpartner.Pay attention to your sensations In the end, sober sex is liberating, empoweringandfreakingamazing
FINDINGYOURTRIBE
BYDUNCANBHASKARENBROWN
When you listen to the podcasts and read the books they say ‘you’ll find your people’ but that has not been true for me.
That statement jumped off the page. I was casually flicking through the latest batch of interview answers that my assistant had sent over, coffee in hand. But that answer made me put down the cup. But we need to be careful not to create the wrong impression. There are many people doing spectacular work – sober events and communities are popping up all the time. For some, those are the places to “find your people”. But what if they’re not your people? Don’t get me wrong I love you guys but that doesn’t mean you’re as interested in falling off your roller skates as I am. Honestly, if the only thing we have in common is that we don’t drink – spending time together is as dumb as when we used to hang out with people simply because they drank.
And that’s not what the sober superstars do. True, some of them have friends from rehab, The Fellowship, masterminds, or group coaching programs. But they all also have friends that they meet doing activities that don’t revolve around alcohol. That’s the key point. You don’t actually need sober friends. You need communities that don’t revolve around alcohol, and there’s a big difference.
Let’s imagine I live in Oxford –and that I like to mention it because I think it makes me sound clever – a quick google search reveals two sober events I could attend in the next four weeks.
That’s not a lot. It’s not hard to imagine that no other inline skating, 90s throwback will be there. I might go to both, not connect with anyone, and go home disappointed.
Now think about communities that don’t revolve around alcohol: sports clubs, business networking groups, volunteering organisations, political groups, educational establishments, spiritual societies, and The Thames Valley Roller Skating Club. How many events will these groups be holding over the next four weeks?
The Thames Valley Roller Skating Club meets every week, though they do allow in people on quads, which isn’t right.
The point is you can go along to a triathlon training session or a business breakfast or a demonstration or a pottery class and people won’t be drinking. It doesn’t matter what they do when they get home because while you’re with them, they’ll be sober.
The sober superstars don’t limit themselves to sober communities. They realise that any group that doesn’t revolve around alcohol is a chance to “find your people”.
Please don’t stop telling people how great being sober is. Don’t stop telling them how important finding your people is. Just realise that a group of people doesn’t need sober in its name to become your tribe.
Going Alcohol-Free When Your Partner Still Drinks by Becki Lane
Deciding to go alcohol-free is a life-changing decision. But when your partner still drinks, it can add a layer of complexity to your journey I think this is one of the biggest reasons people hesitate to stop drinking especially if their relationship revolves around shared moments involving alcohol.
For me, that was definitely the case When my partner and I met, I was drinking more than ever Nearly everything we did together involved alcohol Long walks ended with a couple of pints at the pub. Our weekends were filled with people-watching over glasses of wine in our favourite spots. Summer afternoons were spent in beer gardens, and cosy winter evenings meant a roaring pub fire and a few drinks
It was fun, and those moments hold some great memories. But in December 2023, I decided I didn’t want to drink anymore. It was a big decision, and honestly, I was nervous about how it would affect our relationship Would we still have fun together? Would my partner feel like I was judging them for still drinking? I didn’t know what to expect
I’ve been incredibly fortunate because my partner has supported me completely. Not once has he tried to encourage me to drink or said anything like, “You were more fun when you were drinking ” His support has made a huge difference, but I also think there are key reasons why going alcohol-free hasn’t strained our relationship.
When I decided to stop drinking, I made it clear that it was my choice I didn’t expect or pressure my partner to change their drinking habits just because I was changing mine I believe that’s so important your decision to go alcohol-free should be about you, not about others.
I had an honest conversation with my partner about why I was stopping I shared my reasons that I wanted to feel healthier, be more present, and I just wanted to take a break from the booze By letting him know my “whys,” he understood that this wasn’t about them or about our relationship; it was about me making a positive change for myself.
One of the biggest challenges was rethinking how we spent our time So much of what we used to do revolved around alcohol. To keep our connection strong, we found new ways to enjoy each other’s company that didn’t involve drinking. Long walks together have become a favourite, new activities, exploring new places, but honestly, I’m just as happy now relaxing at home with our gorgeous three dogs It’s a much calmer and more fulfilling way to spend time together
There were times when my partner wanted a big night out, and I didn’t feel up to it. Early on, I worried this might create tension, but I quickly realised it’s okay to let your partner do their thing while you do yours On those nights, I’d plan something for myself whether it was a quiet evening at home or catching up with friends.
What I’ve noticed over the past two years is that your decision to go alcohol-free can have an impact on your partner’s drinking without you ever needing to say a word
My partner still drinks, but he drinks less now than he used to. I think that’s because he’s seen the positives in my life since I stopped drinking He’s noticed how much more energy I have, how much calmer I am, and how present I’ve become in our relationship While he haven’t stopped drinking entirely, his relationship with alcohol has changed in subtle but meaningful ways.
Have an Honest Conversation
Share your reasons for stopping and explain why it’s important to you Let them know it’s not about them, but about doing what’s best for yourself.
Explore New Activities Together
Find things to do that don’t involve alcohol, like going on walks or spending quiet evenings at home This can help you strengthen your bond without the influence of alcohol
Give Them Space When Needed
If they want a big night out and you don’t, that’s okay Let them go and enjoy it while you focus on something that makes you happy.
Supporting Each Other
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that going alcohol-free doesn’t have to strain your relationship In fact, it can bring you closer if you approach it with mutual respect and understanding
Sobriety has made me a better version of myself, and that’s had a ripple effect on my relationship with my partner. We’ve found new ways to connect, and our bond feels stronger than ever.
If you’re considering going alcohol-free while your partner still drinks, remember this: it’s your decision, and you can make it work without putting pressure on them. By focusing on your own growth, having open conversations, and supporting each other, you might find that sobriety isn’t just good for you it’s good for your relationship too.
Two years on, I can confidently say this was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I’m grateful to have a partner who supports me every step of the way.
