Fifty, Single & Childless

Fifty

Single & Childless

“Fifty should not have found me unmarried, single and childless! This is not the plan! Ever since I can remember, I was a nurturer, the one who would get married, have a family and live happily ever after...”

FFifty should not have found me unmarried, single and childless! This is not the plan! Ever since I can remember, I was a nurturer, the one who would get married, have a family and live happily ever after! My plan was to have a quarter dozen children, get a PhD, lecture, be a homemaker and an entrepreneur. I had it all planned out, but somewhere along the way, although a career planner, I lost my way and here I am at the ripe old age of fifty, contemplating my purpose, my future and God’s will for the rest of my life. This hits home when I realise that I may have spent more time on earth than I have left on it!

Up until my late forties, I failed to realize that the many children I mentored or was godmother to could have been me fulfilling my God ordained role as a mother. I downplayed that role because carrying children in my womb was my ultimate desire. I was ready to give birth! I had my pregnancy walk, my breathing and push, down-pact!

Events of the last ten years of my life however, slowly ambushed those dreams. I was stricken with not one, but two debilitating neurological conditions and other medical challenges that seemed to push marriage and family into oblivion! I thought that these ailments made me unattractive and a burden to a man. Work became my antidote and in many aspects an idol. But before long, that also failed me!

During my years of struggle I forgot how to take my burdens to the Lord and leave it there! I would try to find solutions on my own and became obsessed with getting ahead in life and simply got lost in the hustle and bustle of it all.

But for grace...I am now in a position of surrender, unsure of many things but sure that God has a plan. I can’t tell you the totality of His plan but here are a few lessons I’ve learnt in my search for His Will.

Our TRUST and confidence must remain in the Lord. When life goes left instead of right, do not throw away your confidence in the Lord, because trust in Him brings great reward(Hebrews 10:35-36). In these moments, be still and wait on the Lord (Psalm 46:10). Allow the Holy Spirit to lift you out of the mire of despair.(Psalm 43:5).

We should endeavour to be strong and WAIT on the Lord. Claim Psalm 27:13 -14; Psalm: 130:5; Psalm 140:1-2; & Psalm 71: 56 over our lives, and watch the Lord come through for us and our loved ones. While waiting on the Lord, fix our eyes on Christ. Hebrews 12:2-3 says “Looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith...” Colossians 3:2 reminds us to“Keep (our} minds on things that are above…’’ While our eyes are fixed on Jesus, we are to seek Him in prayer continuously about everything, even those things that concern and bother us. Those things like our singleness and bareness. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us that we are to cast all our anxieties on Christ and Psalm 10:17 tells us that the Lord knows the hopes of the helpless and will hear their cries and comfort them.

We must anchor ourselves in His WORD. His promises help us through the difficulties and loneliness that disappointment brings. For example, His word reminds us that He knows what we need and that He will provide. Philippians 4:19 ”But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Read also Psalm 37:25 and Matthew 10:29-31.

God is on our side! It amazes me that the God of heaven cares about me! Isaiah 41:13 says, “For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.” David in Psalm 27:1 states that, “The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom will I fear?”

So where am I in my desire for family? The desire is still there, but it does not consume me. The scripture that reflects the state of my heart is “seek ye first the Kingdom of God …. and ALL these things will be added…!” Matthew 6:33

Yes, there are days when I grow weary, but Psalm 143:4-6 says, when “I am ready to give up; (when) I am in deep despair, I remember the days gone by; I think about all that you have done, I bring to mind all your deeds (and) I lift up my hands to you in prayer...” I also thank God for my accountability sisters, my brother and his wife, other family members and friends who keep me grounded and help me remember the past goodness of the Lord… And so I continue to press on as I wait on the Lord! p

By Debbie Clue Writer and a Social Entrepreneur who currently resides in Canada.